your ideas seem to make strong attempts at normazing lust. In all truth, no one person truly wants to be used as an object for someone elses pleasure. The opposite of love is not to hate, but, rather to use. And lust certainly is the grasping at and taking of someone else or something else that is not yours.

Fantasy simply objectifies another person. And, a person is much, much more than that.

It is naive to believe that thoughts do not eventually lead to actions. It is pretty risky to invite thoughts into your mind that could lead to the destuction of a marriage and family. There is very little wisom in this column.

you said that fantasizing about someone other than your partner is not cheating or being disloyal. but i disagree. everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but the greatest teacher that ever lived said that if you lust after someone other than your spouse than you have committed adultery with that person in your heart, that teachers name is Jesus Christ. and i thougt that fox news had held a higher standard than the other broadcasters, but your column proves thats not true, and i am disappointed. and im not some old person out of touch, im 28 yrs old, im an man, and i have had enough with the moral decay of our society, does anybody have any standards, any integrity, does fox have any standards, does fox news have that sort of integrity to say that we are not gonna allow your filth to be displayed? guess not

Thanks for your FOXsexpert weekly column by Ms. Fulbright. I am a 61 year old very healthy male and have never found anyone who is as knowledgeable and forthright as her. I enjoy her weekly articles. She is quite correct about fantasy of others–even while being monogamous. Both males and females engage in this sort of fantasy. It is both healthy and stimulating. Most people are too insecure in their relationships and self to admit that they also think of others–often.

I find it hard to believe that Fox News indulges in such sensationistic trash. Please leave the harebrained sex advice to Cosmo and Vogue or the Enquirer.

I disagree with this article. Yes, I have had fantasies before and I am married. However, I disagree with the reasons you use to say that it is permissable to fantasize about other women. Your first reason is that everybody does it. Not a good arguement there. Your second is that it will help your love making to your partner. I disagree and would need strong evidence to believe this statement and if you can’t keep your marriage together unless you are thinking about having sex with other women, you need counseling. Your dissatisfaction with the physical love of your wife will not end with thoughts only. Thoughts become actions. This is especially dangerous if you are fantacising about someone you see daily. Personally I believe that if I look on another woman with lust in my heart, I have already committed adultery with her in my heart. I’m not saying that I haven’t done this before or that it won’t happen again. I am saying that I will do my best to not give into these thoughts. Finally, it’s not moral, and I won’t pretend that it is just to fullfill my own selfish desires.

I thought this was a news channel not a sexual college course. This is filth and garbage. We come here for news not sexual advice. This is totally disgusting, rude and arrogant of Foxnews. Who do I need to contact to get this crap taken off of here? Whatever you say, it’s not right. Next you’ll be putting up Pornography pictures. You all have gone real low on this one.

I have to strongly disagree with the lady sex expert. I believe having sexual fantasies with a partner other than your spouse is very wrong, deceitful and disloyal. I would be offended if my wife would entertain sexual desires and dreams to be with someone-else. Just as we cannot prevent a bird from landing on our heads, but we can prevent the bird from making a nest on it…, in the same manner, we cannot prevents flashing thoughts from coming in our minds; yet, we can prevent ourselves from becoming entertained with them. The sad fact is that we the multiplying of so called “sex experts” we, as a society, are experiencing more and more sexual distress and perversion. I am disappointed in Fox News to present this thoughts as coming from “experts”. Traditional values have served us well for a long time. We are changing recopies toward lower forms, but we are also paying heavy prices. Interestingly, all great civilizations have fallen when their moral behavior deteriorated. Should it not be a warning for us today in America? The land with the motto “In God We Trust”?
Thank you. No offense to anyone. Yet, a return to traditional morality is desperately needed! It would serve us well as it did to our fathers and mothers, and those before them. May God help us! To dream about having sex with someone else is indeed VERY WRONG! It is like taking that person, without her/his consent and using that person for our selfish dreams. This is not love at all! This is mental kidnapping. I would not appreciate that someone would fantasize over me. Not at all! Would you? Would your spouse be happy that someone would fantasize over you?

Mike I agree with you. Jesus teaches differently. Just to look at a woman wrong is a sin. If that is a sin then how much more is this column a sin. If you’re going to put up something educational how about resolutions to problems with drugs, drinking or other activities that will harm you physically and spiritually? Sexual fantasies is not educational. Not having sex is. Come on and get a clue people. Don’t let the enemy take control of you.

Since I work very long hours, I try to get my news by quickly checking your website and that of a major competitor of yours. Although you have the reputation of having a more conservative slant, and your competitor has the reputation of having a more liberal one, I have found it curious that your site seems to have many more sensational stories such as “Man Accused of Forcing Daughter, 7, to Kill Pet Cat,” or “Tell it to the Judge: My Husband’s a Woman.” While such stories may hold a fascination for many readers, they seem to be the sorts of stories that one would look for in sleazy tabloids, rather than in mainstream news outlets. Last night I noticed right on your main homepage the column of the so-called FoxSexpert. I was saddened that you would choose to feature such a column so prominently right on your main homepage. It seemed that FoxNews had moved even more towards what is featured in the tabloids. Although there were many disturbing things the “FoxSexpert” wrote, I found the most disturbing to be her comment that
“You are not violating your faithfulness by imagining that you are with somebody else.” The justification she offers that many people have such fantasies is really no justification at all. Many people also cheat and steal, but the fact that many people do such things does not justify it. For many readers, such as Mike Mcelyea, who commented earlier, these words of the “FoxSexpert” remind one of those words spoken almost 2,000 years ago which still ring true, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say unto you that whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Hopefully most of your readers still have a conscience which tells them that these words are true.

You said everything that I have always been saying about fantacies…”it’s good for you” Great article

I agree with Mike, and i think that old man nedds to start praying for his soul instead of fantasizing.

Can too much fantasy result in one crossing the line allowing it to become reality thus jeopardizing a relationship? Could this part of Spitzers problem?

I agree with Mike in all respects including his reference to the morality taught by Jesus. The column is always full of politically (philosophically?) correct presumptions about morality. Beginning with the late 20th century notion that open, inhibition-less sexual attitudes are “good” with out question. This sort of “reasoning” is not reasoning at all. It is merely the rationaliing of behavior that may in fact be very harmful, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The kind of thinking that the columnist exhibits is that of the accepted wisdom of our universities and colleges and liberal culture; and unfortunately that is for the most part not a good thing. I can recall back in 1980 when I would visit colleges where I had friends I noticed, as I would listen to the discussions and especially on those occasions when I was able to read a student’s “college paper”, that our “best and brightest” were functioning on a very low level in all respects intellectual–except for partying and the pursuit of sexual pleasure. The result these past 25 or 30 years? An increasingly violent, crass and vulgar culture in every realm of society and the proliferation of the mindless philosophy represented by the ethos of the columnist’s work. The great Democratic Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan was prophetic as he described the cultural creep as the “dumbing down of deviancy” way back in the 60’s. I would invite the columnist to actually think about the effect she is having on the young and the innocent. You are responsible.

There’s nothing wrong with fantasy and imagination. I agree, those who are insecure or have a lot of sexual hang ups may find shame in fantisizing. Just because you have a fantasy does not mean you have to act on it… and some fantasy is better than reality. Besides… one man’s kink is another man’s vanilla.

Your statement “…You are not violating your faithfulness by imagining that you are with somebody else…” is false. You lack an appreciation for the power of sex and sexual fantasy - perhaps because you are using it to rationalize some of your own behavior.

How “natural” is it to fantasize about something that didn’t exist until 20 years ago (using video cameras)? It can’t be “natural” by definition. To be “natural” is something innate that existed at birth and simply grew in size and strength over time. Video cameras, internet chat rooms, vibrators, etc. are great evidence that sex outside of the free exercise of intimate relations of a married couple (male + female) is actually something that is not innate. These stimuli are taking the place of the natural processes related to sex, just as Heroin takes the place of our natural ability to tolerate pain. If it is not innate, then it is a disorder. The great benefit of artificial sexual stimulus (porn, internet, videos, etc.) will be to prove to the vast majority of users how UN-natural non-heterosexual sexual activity is. Sadly, most won’t learn the lesson until it has destroyed their marriages and families.

It is true that sexual dissorder can arise due to biological factors - birth defects, just like a withered hand, or a cleft pallete. We can recognize those disorders and find suitable treatments, or work arounds for them, but we don’t have to violate the dignity of the person to do that. And it is also true the sexual dissorder can arise due to environmental conditions - an emotionally involved father and an over involved mother for example, as is so often the case in the development of homosexual males. But what the homosexual needs is appropriate, affirming male companionship. He doesn’t need to mask his disordered emotions and thoughts with sexual stimulus. That is like giving heroin to the person who has a gangrenous leg, he won’t feel the pain, but he also won’t get well.

I believe that sexually fantasizing about others is not ok….especially in a marriage. By doing this, your letting your thought life get polluted and like any addiction, it can run your life…leading to habitual masterbation and pornography….not healthy.

It sounds harmless, hearing that its completely normal, but that is not true. Just because everyone else is doing it (Canadian study), it doesn’t mean that its right.

My opinion, if you want to have a healthy marriage that actually works, you shouldn’t fantasize about anyone else besides the spouce that God has given you…

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” [Matthew 5:27-28]

The Bible says, “As a man (or a woman) thinks in his heart, so is he”. It also says that if you lust after someone, you have already committed adultery. In other words, it is important to have a pure heart and a pure mind. So…fantasizing? I don’t think it fits with Biblical teachings.

LOL….well, i guess any article on sex by its very nature is not conservative. I suppose a healthy conservatice marriage means havins sex in a missionary position 5 to 6 times a year. Get a grip people.

First I think you all really need to grow up. It is a fantasy. It is something that should be shared with your wife/girlfriend husband/boyfriend. If you can not tell the difference between fantasy and reality you are already in need of some help. If you are not able to control yourself and must try to live out your fantasy without your partner you also should seek help. Folks you are, I am guessing, adults right. Quit blaming all of your problems on someone or something other than yourselves. If you choose to live out a fantasy without your partner that is your bad. If you choose to have a fantasy with someone other than your partner, than you too need to take a look at yourself. Relax people, enjoy each other, and talk about what it is that you would like to try. Communication is a wonderful tool…. when used!!!!!!

I think everyone’s conflicting opinions were more interesting than the article. It’s okay to fantasize but reality is far more stimulating. You can’t control what other people think and I’m not even sure why you would want to. Sex is healthy. I’m stimulated just because it’s the topic. As far as everyone throwing Fox under the bus….you read the article for information or entertainment. It was so compelling that you posted a blog. I think they’ve done their job.

“You are not violating your faithfulness by imagining that you are with somebody else.” I disagree. If my boyfriend fantasizes about my best friend, that is supposed to be okay? No way. If every time she comes around he is thinking sexual thoughts about her and uses them in his fantasies, that to me is cheating. That would give me the impression that he WANTS to do sexual things with her and I would not feel comfortable being around either one of them. It goes both ways…I’m sure my boyfriend does not want me fantasizing about his best friend, co-worker, brother ect. He wouldnt like that too much. So are we supposed to keep these fantasies from our partners? That wouldn’t be right either.

Although I agree that fantasy can be good for your marriage, I only agree if that fantasy is about your spouse. Jesus said that if you even look at a woman with lust in your eye, you are guilty of adultery. Even though in fantasy you are not looking at another woman with your physical eye, you are looking at her with your mind’s eye. I realize most people would never act out on their fantasies, never the less, they are still dangerous to our spiritual lives.

As a male in a healthy marriage, I do not agree that fantasy about people other than your spouse is at all healthy. As others have posted, Jesus Christ, the son of God, has said that even looking upon another woman with lust in your eye is the same as committing adultery. Even though in fantasy you are not using your physical eye, but your mind’s eye, it is the same as it is an issue of the heart. Though most people would not act out on their fantasies, they are still dangerous. Acting out on them is a danger to your physical health and to your marriage and subsequently to your family. A lot of people get hurt. Having them, but not acting out on them is a danger to your spiritual health. Which is even more important than your physical health because it affects your eternity.

I agree with your thoughts on fantasys, but……….. My partner says it’s not LOVE, while having sex. What’s your thought?

Hi, Yvonne. Which would you rather have? A man who thinks about someone else in provocative ways, or a man who pursues you to find all the ways that you’re provocative?

I think fantasy is missing out on the harder-to-reach, tastier parts of your partner.

The ideas and thoughts described in this text is about the most despicable thing I have seen in some time. To think that thoughts of sex with others will not turn into acts with others is a stupid way to think. You talk about surveys that have been taken but i bet all are flawed in some way. The world in which we live is both wicked and perverted. It is people like you that have driven this country and world deeper into the walk with the devil. Playing with yourself doesn’t lead to better sex and neither does perverted thoughts. If you can’t seem to think about the person your with then chances are you shouldn’t be together. I guess my point is don’t push your lack of values onto others as ok. That is exactly what has led to the down fall of this country.

Reading all of the above comments just proves to me how narrow-minded so-called “Christians” are. It’s simply humorous to watch you all slobber and point over something that’s actually quite healthy. Both my wife and I fantasize about different things and we don’t hold back-we tell each other, sharing our feelings and fantasies, which in turn makes our relationship stronger and that much more enjoyable.

I think Ms. Fulbright, who is more than likely magnitudes more educated than many of you, can approach this subject without any sort of this imagined perverseness that you’re seeming to find in what is a rather clinical article.

Then again, if it’s not in your Bible, it can’t exist, can it?

….And a recent study shows that one in four teenagers has a sexually transmitted disease. What has happened to our society?

RE: SEXUAL FANTASY

Thank you so much for your article on sexual fantasy. After reading it, I felt better about my own fantasy. The day I read it, was the night I told my boyfreind what I would like to do in order to act out my fantasy. I had sent him the article to read. And we both were more comfortable. Our sex life has never been hotter than it is right now. Thank you so much, and I can’t wait to here any words you have to say on this subject.

Well, “Anonymous” you really hit a homerun there. This is well off-topic, but should yet be noted. Riddle me this: why is that when someone attacks Christianity, they resort to using emotionally-charged language and other borderline hate-mongering techniques? (Sic. “narrow-minded” and the less educated comment.) All such occurances show your lack of knowledge on the topic of Christianity, thereby self-referentially contradicting themselves. As you claim the Christians making their above comments are not experts on Ms. Fulbright’s topic, you show your lack of expertise on Christianity. This renders your comments on the religion moot and inadmissable. Ergo, you should probably refrain from commenting on said topic.

To topic: I feel sorry for Ms. Fulbright. Specifically, the claims made are quite substantial, yet lack the anticipated scientific-punch. Opinion is one thing, and we all have them, but for this article to make it “to print,” shows only irresponsible journalism. Whatever happened to good ole’ tightly-knit argumentation? The website would surely not allow me the space to reference all of the holes in Ms. Fulbright’s editorial. So I shall restrain myself, unless further called upon.

Anonymous sounds like you and your wife don’t have good relationship going there. I’m sure if your wife was actually having sex with someone else you would not be saying what you did. Now if you say it’s alright then you have more problems. Not to bust your bubble but this sexpert is not more educated then my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Just because you don’t like Christians does not give you the right to bash us. It’s people like you who need prayer. Oh, don’t worry, you’re already on a prayer list buddy.

What is so sacrosanct about sex? Someone tell me please. Sex is not love. Sex is fun. There is nothing wrong with fantasies. What is important is honesty and affection. It really can be boring having sex with the same person all the time. Any honest person will admit this. What consenting adults do sexually does’nt bother me unless of course it involves violence or great pain. I say if people want to live out their fantasies, go for it but be honest with your partner. Why do some uptight people have to constantly bring in Jesus to back up their opinions. What Jesus said is all interpretation. Do you think that maybe something written in Aramaic, then Greek, then Latin and then modern languages can lose a bit (or gain a bit) on the journey? I consider myself a Christian and I think Jesus would agree with Dr. Fulbright

This is a good topic. The Doctor is addressing the issue in a straight scientific and secular manner as she should. Sexual fantasying is not new, read Chaucer, and as a Christian I find most of my fellow Christian’s taboo or discomfort on discussing sex as unhealthy denial. Get real people, eyes wander and the mind wanders. Puritan attitudes leads to more sin because then everything is considered sin. If simple fantasizing means we’re going to hell then heck, just let loose, what’s the point of holding back when we look at an attractive women or with women, look at attractive men. We should hold ourselves to high standards but not impossible or unrealistic standards. We frustrate ourselves and discredit our faith when we proclaim standards that are so unrealistic that they are often broken. Admit it, most of us have fantasized about other people, envied or lusted. I don’t know of anybody that has perfect mind control. That is why two important Christian tenets are forgiveness and redemption. We need to to be realistic and stop being so Victorian when it comes to sex. Talking about sex or discussing topics about sex is not a sin. My wife and I have a great sexual relationship because we are not afraid of talking about it. We have been happily married for twenty years.