Don’t expect anything good out of begging for her to come back. If you do that you will resent it and her forever and it will be worse for everyone. Tell her to take a hike. Take the kids and enjoy your life without her.

Why don’t you teach people how to not have sex until they are married. This is a news station not a place to get sexual advice. We don’t want this section on this site, please remove it. It is very offensive and hurts others. How? Your not teaching on how to not have sex but how to make it more fun. Was it fun when JESUS died on the cross? NO? It had to be done. Just like this section being removed has to be done.

Concerned, it must be really boring being a repressed teatottler. Try enjoying sex. You might like it.

My response is to “Concerned.” Please do not assume you speak for everyone or even a majority of the visitors to this website. You have a choice when visiting the site: if you don’t like the topic, don’t click on the link. Don’t ask the administrators to limit what everyone can see because you do not approve. Many people view sex as a normal and necessary part of life, and this includes religious people. Sexual topics should not be considered taboo or dirty. Besides, this particular topic is more advice about life than about sex. The person that sent in the question is going through a very difficult time and wanted advice: sticking your head in the sand and ignoring it because it involves, gasp, sex outside of marriage, isn’t going to make the problem go away. Respect the freedom of speech and expression of everyone, and just do not click on the links you find objectionable. Thanks!

This same thing happened to my cousin just last year, they were married 25 years also.
You have to ask yourself. How will you ever trust her again? I am a Christian as well and if it were just you and her I’d agree with you but what is better for your boys? If she comes back will she leave again? Is that good for your sons?

You know what her history is better than any of us. The fact that she left you and your boys is very sobering. I’ll pray for you.

My husband and I had been married for 10 yrs, with 2 children when I had an affair. My advice on this subject to anyone in this torment is, if the wife trully loves her husband, she will come back when she is ready. I am not saying that anyone should just stick around and wait while the other goes on with their adulturess ways. What happened with my husband and I was, he kept reaffirming his love and his desires for me as a wife, a mother and most of all, as a person. He went out of his way to show me physically and emotionally that he was indeed the same man I had married years ago. The reasons in our marriage that had brought me to the point of having an affair was brought to the fore-front of our conversations and did not stop until we had a resolution to the problems. What we found out was that it was not only myself that was having problems but my husband as well. We both had problems that we did not communicate with each other and so we lost each other. I did not think that he cared or wanted to improve our relationship but all the while, he too was thinking the same things. But most importantly, we each loved each other tremendously even after we had seperated and almost divorced. He did not let me down in letting me know how much he continued to love me even after my affair and I moved out to be with this guy. I came around and realized that the man I had married was indeed the man for me to live the rest of my life with. Had he not fought for me, emotionally and physically, I would have never returned to him. I thank god every day that I did.

Now people, I am not saying that you should hound the other person, harass, intimidate or stalk your spouse. You can communicate your feelings by having adult conversations. One thing I have learned and that is you cannot have productive communications by screaming, yelling or trying to bite each others heads off. What I mean by “physically” in my rampings above is that he proved himself by helping with the kids, the house, the bills, doing the grocery shopping, filling out thank you cards, giving me a day off of being a mom and wife and letting me be me. This list can go on and on. He realized that he needed to be apart of this family, being there and helping us out with day-to-day tasks. Among other things. Communication is the key to success!

Walk away. Nothing good comes of accepting back a person without honor.

Hi, I have a perspective for you. I have been married to my hubby for 15 years and had an affair a couple of years ago. I cannot really tell you why, I really dont know myself. What I do know is that my husband forgave after I repented and we have been through 1 1/2 years of counseling. We have a stronger marriage now than ever and I wouldnt trade it for the world! He trusts me “enough” (I wouldnt expect anything more) and I cherish him more than ever.

I do agree with the “Dr.” that you will need to change as much as your wife will need to. Going back to the “same marriage” will not work.

I pray this gives you hope…I know my hubby lost his for awhile…hang in there and love her….hopefully she will want the pure love over the lust.

A sister in Christ

You know, it’s very easy to poo-poo the person who showed concern about the sexual education commented on in the Sexpert articles. First of all, she shows common sense, regardless of her religious beliefs. Why, I just read a Fox article about a celebrated AIDS medicine that the medical community had high hopes for, but failed. Folks, AIDS has no cure, even after 20 some years of national exposure. It is a death sentence regardless of the super drugs that hold it back so the person can lead some kind of life. The gent that lost his wife because she desired to sample another dish…well, I wouldn’t take her back.

Mister, you may not know what she’ll bring back to nest in your body. That’s some real sex education that doesn’t cost a penny. I’m still so very astonished at the ignorance running around today by the “liberated and sexually aware”. Oh yes….your’re so smart, I forgot.

sounds like she wants more wang, bub. gotta give ‘em what they want, else they’ll eventually get it elsewhere…

Hey ‘Concerned’. I’m a 21 year old guy who is waiting until marriage to have sex. Not because of Jesus, not because of God, not out of fear or shame, but for me. It sucks being so much different than everyone else. It’s boring being on the sidelines. It hurts going against my mind, body, and SOUL. I wouldn’t want anyone else to do this to themselves. Almost everyday I realize how behind I am sexually. Waiting until marriage sucks. There’s no other way to say it. Dr. Yvonne Fulbright shouldn’t be silenced because you disagree. She’s doing a great job keeping her readers informed.

I’ve been down this road and now I’m watching my brother go through it as well. It literally feels as if your heart is being ripped from your chest. I understand fully.

However, if you don’t address this issue head-on, it will ruin your life starting with your job and your credit. Crying and wondering what went wrong is pointless. You’ll never know and you’ll never truly believe a word from her mouth again. You need to move on! Get yourself into counseling now. Ask about antidepressants such as Effexor. Get involved with volunteer organizations where people are experiencing true hardships. Join a gym and exercise every single day. Focus on keeping the rest of your life together. If it spirals out of control and you lose your job, your credit, your house and if you spend your days head hung low, mouth open, no one will ever want you, let alone your cheating spouse.

Trust me, I’ve been there but my life is better now than it ever was before. You’ll get through this, but you’ve got to take the right steps.

Step #1 Say good-bye to the cheater!!

Good luck.

Jim,

The same thing happened to me. I am also a christian, but remember, forgiving someone does not require you to reconcile the relationship.

My advice as some one who has lived it, is to dump her now and do so firmly. Serve her with divorce papers at her work. She will understand that her behavior is totally unaccepatable and that you will not stand for it. If she wants to come back later you can make the decision then. Be wary of the advice of the “experts.” They always blame the victim for the acts of the betrayer. When your wife is out having sex with another man while you are at home taking care of your sons, I’m not sure what you should be apoliging for.

Don’t be a doormat. Take a strong stand against adultry. Ignore the advice of the experts and stand up for yourself. I charged my former wife with adultry in court and it stuck because it was true. I got custody of my kids, because the judge did not think that good parents engage in adultry.

I would also like to thank Yvonee for being a typical therapist and blaming the victim for the crime. Well done Yvonne !

Turner

this is a question of character. to walk out on ones family and CHILDREN shows me how utterly selfish this woman is behaving. even if you get her back what do you really have? a spouse you can never fully trust again. i hope it turns out well for the husband and 3 kids, the wife is just a selfish shrew.

Having experienced the trauma of a wife’s affair, I can say with certainty that you may be able to forgive, but you can never forget. It is the latter that comes back to haunt, late at night, poking and digging at a wound, and never letting it heal inside you.
The only answer I would have for you, is to set your sights on starting a new life, re-creating yourself, as you WOULD have, if you hadn’t gotten married, and recovering your inner peace. The amazing thing is that when I finally did these things FOR MYSELF, suddenly my ex wanted me back, but I had already found a better life, and it didn’t include her.
There is something inherently attractive about someone who is happy within themselves, who LIKE themselves, and lives for THEIR LIFE. You may find that you choose to accept the person back, but just as likely, you will find someone that actually matches the REAL YOU.

I wish there was some miracle answer to make it all better. There’s not.

As such, you and your wife need to sit down and talk. Seriously talk. Ask her why, without judging or criticizing. You will realized quickly whether she is ‘already gone’. If so, there is nothing else you can do. Begging, yelling, threatening will only make a bad situation worse for your kids.

If she is remorseful, and is willing to talk to you, then you might have a chance to save your marriage. But you both need to realized what got you to this place. Were you working long hours? Was she lonely? Was she spending more time, especially more free time, with someone else (friends, co-workers, hobbies, other groups, etc). Did she have to work hard to hide it? Or did you even notice?

Once you start talking, without attacking her, and hopefully without her attacking you, you may realize that your love is still there. You were (hopefully) friends at one point. How can you get back to being friends? Try to schedule some time to spend together, just talking. Find something she is interested in, and join her. Or ask her to join you in something you enjoy. Take her on a real date, with getting dressed nice, opening car doors, reminding her why she married you. Remember to let her know how much you appreciate her.

Most of all, do not give her a free pass on this one. Do not “forgive and forget”. She broke your marriage vows and as such, she needs to realize the error of her ways. If there is a problem in your marriage, you need to work it out. Going outside the marriage doesn’t fix the problem. And although she may be angry or lonely or hurt, she needs to realize how much her actions (or reactions) have hurt you.

There is no time limit to this process. It will take years. You may never get back to fully trusting her. But, if you are lucky, over time you will realize that the problem that got you to this point is gone. And your marriage will have withstood a significant test. It will not be easy, for either of you. But it will be worth it.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Dr. Fulbright is giving great advice, and I am glad to see a mainstream news outlet stand up and publish her column. People of the “Moral” minority like concerned should leave Dr. Fulbright and Foxnews alone. I don’t believe it is very moral when we restrict information from people, both married and not married, who desperately need some valid information on sensitive topics such as SEX. The problem of sexual uneducated people in this country, I believe stems from the lack of a valid sexual education in our schools. Which was imposed by the wishes of the “Moral” minority such as concerned. Anyway so I don’t rant any further Thank You Dr. Fulbright and Foxnews for providing some much needed sexual advice that comes from well educated experts.

For the women above who have had affairs. As much as you may wish to believe you have a forgiving husband, sorry your mistaken. He will FOREVER harbor resentment of you.

When a man thinks so low of himself that he would take you back after you have stripped him of his dignity, pride and trust he bestowed in you, you again will look at that as a weakness and again you will cheat!
Men have an inherent thought process, or need, for their mate to look upon them as a strong, dedicated, provider and protector. Their mates “One and Only” per say.
When you seek that within another man after your man has won that from you, you destroy all trust in you.

Men, if you suspect your spouse, lover or girlfriend of cheating on you, hire a Private Investigator. Get the complete evidence you need. Confront your “other” with this evidence and then take her to the cleaners………….Believe me, I see this time and time again where the man holds back and then loses everything but his shirt. Women will not hold back and will go for the “kill” everytime! (even when it was her having the affair)

I have been in a similar situation as Stace. I was the husband who was cheated on by my wife. What I gather is that she didn’t feel appreciated or loved by her husband because he didn’t help out enough around the house and he didn’t make her feel special. Another man came along that made her feel special so she had an affair. I am sure there was more to it than that.
That’s the very same thing my wife said.

The problem I have with this point of view is that it seems the husband is at fault, if he had treated her better she wouldn’t have cheated. That is not a justified excuse for an affair. I don’t think there is a man in the world who could get away with cheating using that same arguement.

It was mentioned all the things the man needs to do to make the relationship better and “win back” the wife. What things can the woman do to improve the relationship? It frustrates me that men are expected to help with the house and make a woman feel special. Yes we should do all that, but it should also be reciprocated. When the toilet in my house is broken, I fix it. When the driveway is covered with snow, I shovel. I see it as my abligation to do that sort of thing and do not expect my wife to help me. How often do you think that occurs?

There are ways that women could make men feel special. I don’t feel very special when my spouse rejects me in the bedroom. I’m tired, I don’t feel close to you, using excuses similar to that are frustrating to hear. How about saying thanks for getting on the rood and cleaning out the gutters. Why not let the man alone for a few hours on Sunday to watch the race and bring him a beer and sandwich. Those are things that would make us feel special.

My point here is that these things are a two way street. Men may not clean inside the house and women may not clean outside the house, but they both must do their part to keep up the home. Both partners also need to find ways to make each other feel special and then do them for one another. Communication is the key, but that needs to happen long before things get out of control and affairs are considered an option.

This guy cannot be serious….He wants to know what to do while his wife is having an affair? How to convince her to come back? He needs to get some self respect and a life, one that does not include her in his bed. Do not bad-mouth her to the children, but do not try to convince her to come back and if she does, don’t take her back. That does not mean you cannot forgive her, you need to, but do not bring her back into your home. I cannot believe you are even asking this.

If my wife was having an affair, that would be it, our marriage would be over - permanently. No need to be bitter, no need to be angry, I would forgive and move on - without her. Trying to convince her to come back? Is this a serious question? Have some self respect - please……

Ed nailed it. I am going through it/went through it. It is tough. Move on! You will never trust her or anyone ever again like you once did. Think of it as a fresh start. It is funny the one who cheats always seems to come out smelling like a rose. They move out and everything for them is “Great”. As the one who was true to the relationship I had to start over lose half of all my stuff. It sucks! Move on! I like Ed’s advice. I know it is hard! Time heals all wounds, eventually.

The ones that walked away will advocate what they did to be the best way forward, but they do not have proof of success had they stayed. The ones that stayed have proof of sucess as I did. Try to work it out. It is worth every single emotion and memory, treasured during the best times you shared together, perhaps the best times of your life. It is worth it for the children, for your finances and lets face it you come out a winner! I can understand if she does not wish to communicate at all and even then it may be worth it to hang in there for a glimmer. What is out there is broken anyway!

Stace,

I am not the best moral beacon that people should follow. But when it comes to my marriage I try really hard to avoid doing the wrong thing. I, like you, believe in communications; but I also believe in not hurting the other person FIRST. Intentional Pain is not forgivable, you knew that when you strayed. The fact is, that you cheated on your husband, and you justify this by blaming him. Your motivation was his unwillingness to support you in the daily chores around the house. To me it sounds like you don’t respect what he does for you, or you just don’t respect your husband for that matter. You are selfish and only concerned with your own opinions. I am glad that YOU have forgave your husband for YOUR cheating - I just hope that one day you husband can forgive you when he gets your best friend pregnant. I have, obviously been on both sides of this argument, - blaming the other person is not a free pass. A relationship ends, when one party leaves (PERIOD). It might seem fine today, but sooner or later it is going to go south - too bad for you. Communications only work before a party cheats. For the record, I am not the best husband in the world - my wife tests me with the garbage, laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping from time to time; in the end she usually has to ask me to do more around the house (but she tells me her problems and doesn’t go looking for other men). Lets talk about sex for a moment: great sex–the physically unemotional kind is: Dirty, sweaty, lustful, hard and often sticky. You got so mad at your husband for not doing the dishes that you let another man do that to you. Real classy example for your kids!

As for the original Poster…

Sir, ask yourself if your wife would be as forgiving to you (after 25 years), if so–talk it out. But don’t beg - that might be the reason your wife is looking for a ‘better man’. Walk away, love your children, and when you’re ready there will be other women out there (lady’s that don’t let ‘other’ men touch them).

That’s really sad about the adulteress wife. But that’s also a good story of hope from Stace about the reconciliation. I’m engaged right now and am really looking forward to married life. I can’t even imagine she would sleep with another man after being with her for 10 years or so. That’s just beyond messed up. But I really respect Stace’s husband for showing that much love and support for someone who betrayed him and his children. It’s also commendable of Stace for owning up to her actions and seeking forgiveness. I hope this guy that this video is about finds help!! I feel terrible for him.

As for “Concerned’s” comments, I’m also personally against having sex before marriage and am a Christian. My fiance and I are waiting for our wedding night with much anticipation…and that’s putting it lightly. We are both really REALLY looking forward to mak’n some good lov’n!! However, that’s our own personal decision. I read Dr. Fulbright’s articles and really appreciate them, because I need all the education and preparation that I can get. They are very helpful…and I’ve learned a lot from what she says. Like her latest article on the Crying, Laughing, dryness, etc… Crying??? You see, that would have come as a shocker for me….but now I feel prepared to handle these kinds of things in the sack. So, I appreciate this part of Fox News.

I have just left my wife after she found out about a tryst I was having with another woman for 10 months. When she found out I had to make a choice and the choice, and I say I had to make the choice because my wife still wants me back. The choice is this Ihad done this and admitted it to her before yet she still wants me back. Trust lost never regained. Trust is extremely important in a relationship and I knew if I return to my wife that will never be there on her part therefore my choice out of caring for my wife was to leave her and hope she will find someone worthy of her because she is a kind and loving woman that deserves a good and honest man.
My advice is let her go you will be better off in the long run. Believe me if she is anything like me she will be ruminating over that fateful moment that she made that decision for the rest of her life. Some people myself included just have for whatever genetic defect a need to always be looking for someone different someone who truly makes you happy however, in my case I do not know or have not come to know what happy is. Perhaps one day I will figure it out until then I suppose I will continue to roam. Good luck I hope everything works out for you no matter what the result may be.

It is comments like Stace and Kristene that disturbs me. They are women that chose to cheat and then they think everything is great because their husband takes them back. Stace even blames her husband for her cheating! What the h_ll??? Oops, sorry honey, I tripped and it went in me. Give me a break. If you cheat, YOU DO NOT LOVE YOUR HUSBAND!!! You swore in the eyes of the Lord you would love him and only him. And what do you do? Make a fool of your husband. You are not worthy of his love. You are pathetic! What he needs to do is send you all packing and go find someone else and enjoy the rest of his life and not degrade himself by staying with a no good cheater. For better or worse!!! Women these days have no morals and ironically don’t remember what vows are. I suggest they find their vows, take them out and read them yearly.

Hang in there. Scripturally you are doing the right thing. You would not be wrong if you divorced her though. Remember the scriptures regarding remarriage though before you go that route. try and find a Christian counselor who shares the same beliefs (not all do).

Pray for her, do not chase her down and beg though. SHE has to realize her mistake. Above all get tested for STDs

There is no marriage without trust. If someone cheats once, they’ll do it again. Kick her to the curb. Her cheating shows how much her marriage and family meant to her. Infidelity is the one thing I will not work through. You cheat, you’re gone. End of story.

I am very sorry this got posted on here. This was meant for the other blog that mysteriously dissapeard. Wonder why fox?

DUDE,move on?If you were faithful for 25 yrs ,there is no excuse for her behavior?You might be able to forgive, but it’s hard to forget?

My friend you have to be concerned for yourself, I know that in marriage there is give and take but that take is a bit too much. You have to respect yourself enough to not allow your wife to be content to commit this act and when done going through this come back to a willing party. It is incorrect and you deserve better especially if you have not stepped out of your duties. you did not drive her to it, the kids did not her mom life did not her own desires did because they were not with you or the family, this is the truth its not just you she went out on its the family, for however long her fling was or is more important than the family. The family deserves better, its not anger its right.

My wife had an affair while I was in Viet Nam. When I returned and she told me she loved this man I almost killed myself. She wanted a divorce but when the young children said they wanted to go with me she changed her mind. I never changed mine. I told her and the children that when they reached 18, I would divorce their mother. I knew she could win the children with a divorce so I enjoyed my children even though I never trusted her again. When the children became adults, I booked. I’m now married to a wonderful woman and my grown children think she is great.
“Worth the wait”

I’ve seen this with friends and family over the years. The couple reconcile and go through councelling with the mate thinking everything will be fine, only to have the wanderer do it all over again a couple of years later. It only makes things worse. In response to Stace (up above)….things make look well now but in your husbands mind, he is always thinking that if he says or does something you don’t agree with, that you will leave again. That’s not healthy for him or the relationship. Let her go!! Move on with your life now! Don’t waste precious moments that could be on hopes that may never work out.

You know the world is already saturated with sex and violence. You cant watch a toothpaste commercial without sexual connotations. I agree with “concerned” because you can buy a book or surf porn if you want to find out about “How to make it feel good”. But like any money making machine foxnews is using everything and anything to catch the attention of the consumer, its the smart ones who dont buy into the crap. Religion or not if you live this life likes its heaven on earth, it would be shame to die and find out that “man i really screwed up” and spend enternity with a pitch fork up your rear. All sarcasm aside, the morals in this country are at its low, but like sodom and gomorah this place will also be judged….havent you noticed people? Look around…and read the news ooops sorry yall got stuck reading on about how to “Please yourself” rather than taking action on how to help your fellow man. Amen

I was married for over 10 years when my wife had an affair. My life pretty much ended at that point. I learned that the person I believed was my best friend was actually my worst enemy. But, for the child’s sake, I took her back. She had another affair, then another and another. Five in two years that I know about, and an untold number that I never discovered. If there is anything good in that, she didn’t bring home some STD and no jealous lover tried to kill me - though a couple of them threatened me with physical violence.

Wake up man! A liar is a liar and will always be a liar. Trust, once broken and spat upon, will never be rebuilt. For those who say they’ve “rebuilt” trust, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind when there’s a hang-up phone call? That’s not trust, that’s an uneasy truce and you’re going to die young due to all that stress you’re holding inside.

Cut her loose and live the rest of your life. Trust me, there are worse things than being alone.

Andrew, my husband and I waited (for many reasons, including God, each other, and what we believed was right). It has been so worth it. I wish everyone would “do this to themselves” lol… And the whole “being behind sexually” thing isn’t a problem fyi… we learned together, and quickly!

Concerned, what does Jesus dying on the cross have to do with not talking about making sex more fun/better? Are you trying to say that because Jesus suffered then we all must have no fun? Thats not the Jesus I know. He talked about coming that we may have life to the full… that would include sex, buddy. I don’t agree with all the advise on here either, but try to relax and take it with a grain of salt.

Its awesome to hear how many people have survived affairs. I’ve known people who have as well, and now have amazing marriages. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, and much good can come from accepting a stray spouse bake if they want to make it work… though I would check for STDs.

If there is one thing I have learned with absolute certainty it is that women, just as much if not more so than men, are always looking for a better deal. Some people don’t care how much they hurt others so long as they get something out of her. Leave her, take the kids, and get on with your life. Be happy….you have your children. That’s more than I got.

On a second note, to the reader who doesn’t like your column and wants it pulled: If you don’t like it….DON’T READ IT!!!! And when you say “we” don’t want it here, speak for yourself. Some of us (including married couples) enjoy this column. Also, your argument about Jesus and Christianity is unfounded. This isn’t a religious website. Finally, your argument would have quite a bit more strength if you spelled your words correctly. Christians like you are why the rest of us end up spending so much of our time defending Christianity instead of spreading the Word.

Ditto Michael!!!

DO NOT LET YOUR WIFE BACK IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE,ONCE A TRAMP ALWAYS A TRAMP!!!!!

MAN GO AND GET YOURS WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD!!!!.

If you take her back you will forever be suspicious of her. All of the deceitful things she did before leaving will be trigger’s for those suspicions. Terrible way to live. Divorce her and move on. There are honest women out there to find so why bother with one who’s not?

THE LAST COMMENT FORGOT TO INCLUDE ” BECOME A COUNTRY SINGER” BECAUSE HE JUST DESCRIBED ALL THE STEPS LEADING TO IT. MAN GO AND GET YOUR WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD.

Sorry, folks, but I’m in the “what the hell is this?” camp re: the ’sexpert’

Are you paying for placement? Why is this considered mainstream (as in on the main page) news?

Just what I wanted for my young, pre-teen children: here’s a news site, and you can get your freak on, too!

Oh, the pose with the glasses and tittiage…. pa-thet-tick!

Do you REALLY want her to come back?
Sometimes it is just our egos talking, then when the person comes back, we don’t want her/him.
She could bring a disease with her if she does come back.

I say get on with your life.
Don’t try contacting her and certainly DO NOT beg her to return.
It makes you look weak and women do not respect weak men.

Concentrate on being a wonderful father and taking care of yourself.
Trust me, YOU want to have the upper hand if she decides to give the marriage another shot.

Say goodbye and drop her like a bad habit. A barrier is only a barrier until it is crossed. She has crossed the barrier of commitment to her marriage and will do so again…and again…and again. She thinks of nothing but her self and her warm fuzzy feelings. Never thinks about her spouse or even her kids as she trollops around bringing God only knows what home. It is painful but a cheater/liar never changes. Lose her and protect the children, show them how t be a better person than that.

Yikes…..I enjoy Fulbright’s columns and have learned a lot. But she couldn’t be more wrong on this one.

HE needs to look at what HE did? HE needs to take responsibility for what HE did? HE needs to make changes as a partner and an individual to make the marriage survivable for her? And yet, HE may not be able to expect the same from her?

Sorry, but the only thing this guy needs to change are the locks on his doors. Get a good lawyer. If that doesn’t somehow push his wife’s “honor/shame” trigger, go through with it, get it over with quickly and try to make a save on the rest of your life. There is no question that one day sooner or later she will come to her senses and, perhaps she won’t come crawling back, but she’ll feel some sense of shame and remorse and will ask forgiveness. The only question is, how much humiliation and heartbreak does this poor man want to put himself through before that moment arrives?

It’s also a shame that Fulbright made no mention of counseling in her answer. I think I’ll continue to take Fulbright’s advice on matters of sexual physics and overlook her relationship answers from here on out. Silly!

To Concerned: BUZZ OFF. Keep your religious beliefs to yourself.

Why is it when a Wife has an affair its all about HOW to make things right ……

YET …… When the man has a “Fling” …. Hes OUT The Door NO Questions asked !!!! lol

Iv NEVER had a Fling …. But I find it Crazy that She Can and He Cant ???

Maybe this will help you a little bit –

When I was 3 my mom cheated on my dad. She later remarried to the guy and he turned out to be an amazing stepdaddy to me. It didn’t affect me much that time. But the Thanksgiving after I turned 17 I learned that the reason my mom was seeking a divorce from my stepdaddy was because she had cheated on him with someone from work. (This leads me to believe in the theory “Once a cheater, Always a cheater”) Even though I confronted her about it and told her I knew the truth she continued to try to lie to me about it and cover up her mistakes. She tore my family apart without a single bit of regret. My childhood sucked growing up and dealing with visitation guidlines and my parents always fighting about their issues. But now that she’s done this a 2nd time my 10 yr old brother has to deal with it as well. I can tell you that neither one of us truly trusts our mother anymore. Because of what she has done and because of who she has become as a result of her mistake. She turned our lives into a living hell because of her selfishness.

I urge you to strongly, strongly consider your kids’ opinions in this time. What may be good for you — may not be good for them. My mom moved back in with my stepdad a couple of times after she left him and both times were awful.

Hopefully a little insight will help you in your journey. Peace.

I been married for 15 years and been having affairs for 10 years. If the wifey doesn’t performn what you want her to do at times someone else will. You gotta be able to experiment some to keep the guy interested.

hey concerned. . . Welcome to the USA, 2008. Why do you worry about teaching people something so rediculously “OUTDATED”.

Contrary to popular belief, in your case “Suicide is the acceptable answer”.

Regardless to popular belief if a woman cheats and tries to justify her reason whether “lack of communication” “not enough attention” and so on………..she will more than likely do it again. Then when the lust relationship fails she will blame it on another situation or you and want to move back in claiming things can be worked out. Then you get to flip the expense for marriage counseling while in session you may be pouring your heart out and she is thinking about the next close encounter. Now it may be cheaper to stay together rather than a divorce and child custody battle but you may have to consider that. Now if your kids are grown and child custody is not an issue than I would take that infidelity and get a good attorney (if there is such a thing) and stick it up her a$$. Remember she abandoned you and your family you did not throw her out. She will do it again and/or come up with some kind of claim that it was your fault to begin with. If she has no clue after 25 yrs then she never will.

Only you know what is best for you. I’m all for reconcilliation and forgiveness, but is that what she wants? Find out where she stands and go from there. Unless it is, it’s probably best if you start putting the pieces back together w/o her. I was unfaithful to my husband but i am truly repentant and want another chance. We are slowly moving forward and i will do whatever it takes to show him that i am worth his heartache and he’s all i will ever need. The grass is most definitely not greener on the other side. For those of you who are so quick to condemn, i used to be just like you. Until i became that person. . . . . “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.

since each situation is unique, I think it fair to give it alot more time. There may be elements unknown at this time contributing to the situation that can work themselves out.

generally though, you may have to accept that this is who she has been all along and is just now showing it to where YOU can see it….

most people live in patterns and if you get some distance you will most likely see one here as well.

get YOUR life together and move your family ahead… she has demonstrated that “she” is more important to her than your family. She is no longer in your camp so don’t let her live in both.

do what you have to do to move things forward in a healthly way. Take care of yourself very well so that you can deliver to those counting on you.

Being Christian doesn’t mean you forgive everything-thats HIS job.I’ve been where you are and I wish I had the strength to move on.She stayed but my life is less than I hoped .There is a reason adultery was listed in the top 10 of THOU SHALT NOTs.

I was engaged in an affair of sorts, albeit an emotional one. Fortunately, my wife of 24 years got involved and brought me to my senses. Broken trust is broken trust, regardless of whether sex is involved. We’ve worked it out, and now my emotional energy is centered where it has always belonged.

However, as to causes of emotional (often followed by physical) infidelity, there are many.

If you’ve been married for so long, it’s so very easy to become complacent. Every day just like the last. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Twenty-some years of this may cause a spouse to ask “Is that all there is?” And if you haven’t kept your romance alive, by letting your sex life go by the wayside, by not suprising her with little gifts and thoughtful caring words and actions, by not continuing to “date” her, by not showing appreciation for her every day, by not doing your share of the child rearing, by not helping out around the house, you’ve opened the door to interlopers.

If you’ve allowed yourself to become grossly out of shape, if you don’t have a growing and learning attitude about love-making and the adjustments you have to make as you grow older, if you can’t openly communicate your needs, and especially if she can’t openly communicate her needs to you without recrimination or embarrassment, you’ve opened the door to interlopers.

If she’s spent too much time alone, whether you were physically present or not, you’ve opened the door to interlopers.

Consider that she may have been “out of love” with you for quite some time for any or all of these reasons, or other reasons entirely. “Good” women (or men) don’t usually go “bad” overnight. It’s usually a slow process that culminates one day in a breakthrough, life-wrecking event.

I think you should seriously consider if you really want her back, or whether her affair has just bruised your ego. Seriously consider if you really love her, or whether she’s more like a missing piece of furniture.

If you want her back, you’ll have to compete for her, probably just like you did when you convinced her to marry you in the first place. If you get her back, be prepared to take the rough road back to re-establishing trust in your relationship. You’re both responsible for what happened, so there’s an awful lot of making up to do.

I believe that love cannot exist unless it is founded on grace. That is: understanding, forgiveness, and mercy. I believe that is where love proceeds from and retreats to. If you can find grace for one another, and love still exists between you, you have a good chance of starting anew with a better relationship than ever.

To love is to forgive.

Take care of the children first. Do right by them. Your feelings should be tertiary, your spouse is more important, for better or worse. That is Christian. There is no leaving, or should I take her back. She has not gone, you are still married. To forgive is to love. Don’t think so much about it.

First of all, this column is trash. It has no place on this website.

Second of all, as a fellow brother in Christ, my advice to you is to seperate if you haven’t already done so. Pray for her, and talk to her to find out if she is interested in working it out. Is she really sorry? Does she even want forgiveness? If the answers to these questions are no, then maybe its time to discuss something more permanent. Always try to work things out and be willing to forgive.

I will pray for you.

God Bless.

My wife and I are Christians. Sadly, I was a leader in my church when I had an affair on my wife. I was found out. She confessed her failings to me and said she would try harder. This is hard to do I would imagine, however, if this was the reason for the affair, these failings of the spouse that did not have the affair must be acknowledged and corrected. Not that I had not done wrong by having the affair but I did so because she was not meeting my needs. And yes, not the right way for me to handle my needs not being met, nevertheless, it is what it is. I confessed my sin before my church and was stipped of my duties. I cut off all contact with the other woman.

My wife was willing to forgive and correct these things I struggled with. I was willing to give her another chance. It took several months for her to trust me again. It took over a year to a year and a half for me to get past this other person I fell in love with and fall in love with my wife again. The Bible says “With God all things are possible.” Even getting over an affair. However, it took leaning on Him to help both of us overcome. It was rocky for several months but as we continued a cycle of forgiveness and patience and building trust, AND trusted God and persevered, we are now more in love than orignially 4 years later.

One thing I respected my wife for doing was she told me it had to stop or it was over. This is very important. You can’t just be a doormat and let the person cheat on you. This is tough love. See Dr. James Dobson’s book by the same title.

Good luck

Something led up to this moment in time. You have children who are grown and have left or who are getting ready to leave. This actually should be the best time of any marriage. We cannot pour all our attention and energy into our children and expect the empty nest to be happy. Far too many couples wave goodbye to the last child and then the spouse because they have no clue who this person is. “Who are you?” is being silently screamed while the goodbyes are said again, this time to the spouse. The clues were there and since they were missed it tells me you took your spouse for granted and she was ignored unless you had a need to be met. Your wife will not be back. If you asked her, she’d tell you she’s been unhappy for years and now she IS happy. Your needs at 45 are not the same as your needs at 22 and she has made her decision. Pull yourself together because now you will divide your life of 25 years and I wish you the best.

Thats the thing about being a Christian, that those who are not, do not understand. We try to hold ourselves to a higher standard, and because of this, we tend to hold others to it as well. All be it in a different way than those in the secular world would expect.

We fall short and stumble when we realise just how imperfect we are and when we expect others to try to live to the same standard. In realizing this, you must apply it to this situation, and if you truly love her, and your family, put aside your own ambitions, and try to understand what it is she is going through. Your own ambitions can be put on hold unt