Secondly, us husbands need to understand, marriage is work and a marathon. Love alone doesn’t always cut it, Christian or not. It is old school, if you don’t perform, guys like Sharcane are waiting to step in and in a moment of vulnerability, woo your wives from under you.

Finally how you survive an affair comes down to you, your wife and the circumstances? Some guys can forgive and let go of it, others can never get over an unfaithful wife. Some wives can have a second chance, with others you are wasting your time. I know two couples that have survived an affair and are doing well. I also know people that are still bitter over affairs.

When I was younger, dumber and single I slept with five older married women, one because her husband neglected her, and was more into his own thing, another because of the monotony of marriage her cheap husband never helped out and I was her escape, the third to a woman whose husband became boring and fat. She found him grotesque; the sex was bad but still loved him. The fourth one was to a wonderful black woman who had a deadbeat husband. That affair lasted almost a year. I was her “blond boy.” My last fling with a married woman was to an attractive woman in her late thirties that I met at a lounge after work one day. I offered her a drink and she brushed me off, but I overheard her arguing with her husband on her cell phone. He stood her up for the umpteenth time. I offered her a drink a second time, she accepted and we talked for about half an hour before coming with me to my place. She saw me several more times after that.

The lessons I learned from cheating wives, now that I am married going on fourteen years, I listen and pay attention to my very pretty wife, I keep things spiced up and always find time for us, I keep myself fit and when we argue we do it at home in a respectful manner. I help around the house, I manage our money without being cheap, and I enjoy being a “Dad” to my kids. We communicate. My wife responds positively to all this. So far, we have no problems in our marriage. I am the youngest of four brothers and we were raised to listen and take care of our women. We all are still married with faithful wives.

Signed
TSgt Brown
USAF Deployed

Studies have shown that if you do something every day for 30 days, it becomes a habit. Obviously people (assumption here) don’t / won’t pre-empt a cheating spree by conducting daily cheat fests thus forming the “habit”. It comes on as an instant gratification type of need. Abstinence is no longer within today’s mindset as a whole.

Many people spend their entire life “looking for something”, however; they aren’t quite certain just what that something is. The “something” is God. If you would put God first you would realize that he wants a relationship with you. Sometimes events unfold that bring people to their knees. It is this circumstance that (IMHO) brings about your locating God, if you listen that is.

Marriage was designated by God as a relationship between a man and a woman, as characterized by Adam and Eve. He placed Adam above Eve (not as a demeaning act) but rather because he expected men to be the head, as he is the head of Christ. He also made startling examples of how he looks at marriage. He considers himself to be the husband, while Israel is the bride.

Noting that similarity, God told Hosea to basically “go down and marry Gomer”. Gomer (similarly to Israel) was a (prostitute). This is a tough area to type and produce meaningful results for those that don’t know the word of God.

Someone above noted that God would not break up a marriage. I could agree with this in only one circumstance and that is; if the man and woman were equally yoked. God does indeed hold marriage sacred, but he knew that some of his creation would not. Recall Sodom and Gomorrah for instance. The people there would sleep with anything that moved. Lot and his family were spared…that’s it.

If the man is doing his best to be a good Christian (remember nobody is perfect, not even the cheating wife, even if she didn’t cheat), while his wife (or vice-versa) is not a believer; that is unequally yoked. At this point in time we appear to be a generation that is one generation away from atheism…(if there is such a thing). I have encountered people in the USA who had never heard of “being saved”, or what it even meant. Some people claim to know of God, but they don’t know God.

Think of marriage as a triangle. God is at the topmost part of the triangle, the husband is on the one side at the bottom, and the wife is across the other side, opposite of the husband. Godly men answer to God first and foremost (or they should if they aren’t). The Godly woman should answer to her husband, who will then seek advice from God through prayer (not that the woman cannot pray to God for guidance, again…tough to type for meaningful results). What happened to the good ‘ole days?

Why can we have bibles in prisons, and not in schools?
When in court, why swear on a bible if the 10 commandments cannot be displayed?

It goes on and on.

Some parents are self indulged anymore and don’t enlighten their children with things that their parents had taught them. Most people tend to be lovers of pleasure first and foremost. They don’t realize that God is the creator of all. Love God first, and look out. Things can get pretty …uh, pleasureable in a Godly marriage.

Lastly, Christians are mislabeled quite often. I know I am not perfect, but I am in the molding stage(always), trying to become more Christ like. I prefer to think of myself as a sinner saved by grace, rather than put a label on any particular denomination. God did not create the different denominations anyway. People did.

People would instantly call me a (sinner, rougue, badboy, trouble) without even having taken the time to find out what I am like. I have tatoos, I used to be a professional drinker, ganja smoker, cussed better than anyone I know or knew, you name it. The worst of the worst in my own book.

Thankfully, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Got God?

Affairs sometimes happen for no reason then simply a perfect storm of events takes place and boom a fling happens. That is what happened to me. I was married to a great guy for sixteen years before I had a fling. My fling was due to childish desires. I married young and as a virgin. Our relationship was great, the sex was good, and he was attentive and attractive. I am also very good-looking with a nice thick athletic figure, so needless to say I get hit on repeatedly, but always remained faithful.

Nonetheless I had a moment of weakness. I often wondered what it would be like having sex with someone different and even though my husband is a good lover, I wished he was more endowed and listening to my girlfriends talk about their husbands tools I became even more foolishly intrigued about a man’s size. I also did have a childish crush on a rather handsome and charming married African-American colleague so I too became intrigued with sleeping with a black man, but I never planned on acting out my fantasies. On a business trip things fell into place where I broke down and had two days and three nights of immense pleasure at the hands of this colleague. I never had as much sex in the shortest period of time as I did that trip. I did things with this colleague and experienced a state of bliss that I hadn’t with my husband. We were both like children who had discovered new playthings as I was his first white woman and I hit all three of my fantasies of sleeping with someone different, sleeping with a man that was well endowed and sleeping with a black man. I felt like I was in seventh heaven.

When I returned home however and I looked into my husband’s eyes in bed and saw the warmth and love that he felt for me. I saw my children missing me. I then realized that what I did was wrong and the hurt he would feel if he ever found out and I didn’t want to lose him or my family. This affair was a one-time thing and odds are he will never know about it. The affair was my fault. It will remain my secret and burden. Since then, I have given him all the love, the best sex and respect I could not just out of love but also out of penitence. In a sense this affair has made me love my husband more. I have never even considered sleeping with anyone but my husband since then. I devote myself totally to my family. It has been five years since my affair and I have the bittersweet realization of a memory that I look back on and the sense of fulfillment it has given me while also harboring a sense of remorse for doing it. My husband and I are going on twenty-two years of marriage and it has been a great ride. I keep myself beautiful for him and I live my fantasies through him. Some women cannot be given a second chance. In my case, I want to stay married and I am cheerfully redeeming myself by being the best wife and mother possible.

As a responsible clinician, I would first and foremost recommend this man obtain testing for venereal diseases, including HIV.

Secondly, even people who have been guilty of cheating, under the pretense of compensating for some kind of emotional hole, have to agree that having an extra-marital affair is a self-gratifying act that brings very little that is positive to a marriage. There are not a whole lot of things that justify this behavior. This man is not to blame for his wife’s choice of exposing herself and her family to incurable diseases because of her selfishness.

This man needs to seek real professional counseling. He also needs to learn love and respect himself before worrying about what he can do to bring his wife back otherwise he will continue to be victimized. That this man is being blamed for his wife’s indiscretions reflect a double standard that is very disturbing. Had the situation been reversed, I can’t imagine anyone giving the husband a free pass while blaming the wife for his poor judgement.

And for the dude who lost his wife, live by these words:

“I don’t chase’em, I replace’em.”

Pimpin’ since been pimpin’ since been pimpin’.