we have been married for a long time.. we have know sex… he want get help.. . i have been unfaithful 2 times here lately.. i want sex not just sex but to be held and loved on… i dont know what i’ll do.. i think sometimes i will just leave but i dont have a place to stay… i am very unhappy…. nancy

Why do men cheat? Probably the same reason women cheat. In a study (which was on foxnews.com) of 500 women interviewed 60% stated they lied about cheating on their husbands. Thats 300 people, how many of those other 200 weres still lying about the subject. You can’t generlize as to why people do what they do, reasons will always range from one side of the spectrum to the other. Men and women alike do good and bad, just love the best you can and i it doesn’t work out drive on.

Well, for those who were honest about their dishonesty, no brownie points. the “Family Unit” as we knew it a hundred years ago is dead. Loyalty and Family mean nothing anymore. Self indulgence means everything. Look at our country now. In about 50 years, children will be raised by same sex partners, they will be taught to accept and embrace homosexuality. It will be an integral part of society. Marriage will only be embraced as a financial convenience. This is the beginning of the end of our society.

I like what RonM said. As a society, our culture glorifies cheating and immorality on TV and music, etc. Now how the mess can we expect people to act any different? I have a student who’s mom divorced her husband because he “wasn’t there emotionally.”
I’m sorry that’s the case, but what the heck? Isn’t marraige about a promise, not about feeling? About God’s covenant between two people, not about our petty wants and fantasies? That’s why I don’t want to get married. HEY LADIES, LISTEN! A lot of men don’t want to get married any more because they realize they have to be perfect like a romance novel or they will be divorced. I’m not saying abuse is OK; I mean little things that we get all hung up on are rediculous.
I want to be the best man that I can, but I’ll never be perfect. If I find a good woman, I won’t expect her to be perfect. If I promise her that I will love her in marriage, that means forever, no matter how I feel. Daddy taught me that. I wish more daddies taught their kids that.

I don’t really know what the answer is. I’ve never been married but was in a long term relationship and never cheated. However, a significant number of my male co-workers were actively cheating. I noticed it was after they had children and both partners seemed to not see their new roles in the marriage. The wives forgot how to be wives and were solely focused on the mothering and the husbands couldnt see their ladies as moms. There was lack of communication and neither party wanted to admit to the problem. If I started to have the urge to cheat, I think I would have to recognize there was a serious problem and address it. If my husband didnt care enough to fix it, then why the heck would I stay married to them?

i feel cheating in some cases come from getting married young,really not fully getting to know the person that you fall in love with and marry,then begin having children,before or right there after getting married,which consumes most of your time,which is great,cause having children is great,but who suffers from a rocky marraige that one of the spouses feels compelled to stray,cause they feel the quality time spent on raising children takes away from the appeal,and attraction of the person your with,people change in time..if i could do my life over again as far as my marraige,i would,but id still want to be with my wife,but do things differant to keep the spark there,but the conflicts of raising our children has us not even sleeping in the same bed,the urge is there to find someone to hold again,to feel loved and appreciated for me..my wife threatens to leave on a daily bases out of fustration..but yet,we hang in there..so i feel the best way to try to solve the urge to cheat,is to search deep inside,think if its morally right to hurt the one you love,and take into consideration on how you would feel if it were being done behind your back..

Dont Cheat..Thats the answer..

I think its disgusting you assume it’s only men who cheat. My ex-wife cheated on me, broke her promise to our son and is trying to bankrupt me and not pay support. You should be ashamed to ask such a biased question.

It seems the general persception is that men or more prone to cheating than women. Now, most women will take full advantage of such a generalization so they may appear to be constantly victimized. No such thing as a faithful man? Don’t you worry honey, you just cry and eat those bon bons until you bust at the seams with self-pity.
Now, in the past, I have cheated – and I have been cheated on – and haven’t most of us? Adam has it right…where are the accountable women these days? Probably married to accountable men. Anyway, I didn’t stop to try and figure out some cosmological equation that made her do that to me.
So for you ladies out there obsessing about this question…stop it. It’s a waste of your time and energy. There’s a whole life-time in front of you full of men (and women) who will not cheat on you.

I think women cheat more than men and are more cold hearted about it when they do it. It is just not called cheating. When men cheat it is mostly becouse they are not getting enough sex. Women do it because they are trying to trade up and once they make up their mind they will justify it so that they can feel good about themselves then cheat and then leave. It is not conciderd cheating because they will say things like I wasnt happy, it wasnt ment to be or we married to early. Men will do it with all of the intentions of hanging around so when they are caught it is said to be cheating.

Dr. Fulbright’s answers about why men cheat is like saying the reason you suffer from malaria is because you are experiencing a high fever and related symptoms. The signs and symptoms are not what causes a disease–it’s the parasite transmitted by a mosquito. Eliminate the pathogenic vector and you eliminate the ‘disease’. So it is with why a person chooses to become unfaithful in a relationship: cheating is but a symptom among many. Cheating, lying, acting like a victim by blaming other people and/or circumstances for your choices are merely ’symptoms’ of the ‘dis–ease’, not the ‘dis–ease’ itself.

The reason anyone cheats (in marriage or any other relationship) is simply because they lack the one thing in their life they vitally need but don’t have, which if present, would eliminate the need/desire to engage in such destructive and unloving behaviors. And because they lack this one vital element, cheaters will then do anything to eliminate the emptiness in their lives with risky behaviors and/or addictions of which infidelity is but a symptom.

What leads to a cheating heart? Who knows? But what is the point expelling energy on something yourself doesn’t know or won’t be satidfied with knowing?
I don’t know what your “family unit” consists of but mine is definately alive and thriving. Trying to put someting in a box such as that doesn’t work out.
Laura

For lack of understanding, immaturity, and selfishness. Male and female inappropiate choices in
life influenced by a perverse, corrupt, and selfish world bombarded with…sex.

I’m not surprised. Men cheat because they’re selfish (you used “greed”). Women cheat because their man is neglectful. Looks like another case of man-bashing 101. Along with the network “sitcoms”, you’re teaching the children well. Proud of yourselves?

There is no “why?” for cheaters. People who do nothing to build a central “I” by doing such things as cultivating self-awareness, and by sticking by their decisions, will be neurologically fragmented–and will do act on whatever desire presents itself strongly enough. Such people, perhaps all of us at times, cannot be said to have an “I” which acts.

To me, if I don’t want someone I let them know, like nancy in one paragraph says she is basically miserable. Leave him, stay true to your self don’t be a gold digger.

I have to agree with you Ron. The “family” is being shot to pieces because of our nations obsession to be “politically correct” and not offend anyone who wants to live any life style they see fit. We are one of the greatest nations in the world because of our many freedoms, but ironically we are also going to pay a big price for it.

We are allowing any living arrangement to constitute a family and seemingly to hell with what a larger majority of people may feel about it because if you are opposed to anything deemed the “politically correct way to address the issue”, you are seen as a “backwards, non progressive, uneducated bible belter who needs to get with the times”!

Marriage use to require a period of counseling and consent and was not entered into lightly, it was a union that was meaningful and purposed. Even though there has always been issues of infidelity the statistic were not near the numbers we see today. Now you can jump in and out of marriage like changing your clothes, it makes me sick!

Infidelity in general is a result of a lack of respect of the sanctity of the marriage commitment as well as a lack of respect for the person you are married to.

I love my wife she’s beautiful but selfish. I never hear I love you or appreciation.
Something is always wrong, my fault… Cyclitic love/hate, It drives me crazy. I have had may emotional affairs they don’t lead to the physical but. I’ve been Married 20+ with kids did have a quick fling at 10yrs and felt guilt as $&^%# . Later on sometimes I felt glad when she’s a total bitch. Divorce/Affair?? Man I feel Messed up. Don’t want to leave but getting awfully depressed about it. Sorry for the whining…

I think the Dr was right on when she said when a partner cheats within the fist two years of marriage it is out of resentment. I was married while I was in the Navy and 3 months later I was deployed overseas. While I was gone I found out my new wife was with other men. Later when I got back I forgave her. I was young enough to believe her excuses and being raised Catholic, divorce was out of the question. She said at the time she wasn’t ready for marriage, blah blagh blah but now she truly loved me. I resented her for years although I told her I forgave her, inside I really didn’t. 10 years later I found out she was doing it again. I had no idea how often this happened. Her excuse was that she felt like she was missing out on life. She ruined my life. Well…the payback for me was to “forgive her” patch things up..made her feel comfortable. Then I cheated on her. Embarrassed her and dumped her cold. Divorced her. Revenge is truly sweet.

There is no excuse for cheating! A person should not look outside the marrige to get what they “need”, its inexcusable! When a person cheats, man or women, they are not only cheating on their partner but on their children also if they have any. I am the wife of an active duty military member that spends many months/years lonely, scared and worried but that doesn’t not lead me to cheat. I love my family and would do nothing to hurt any of them. We need to be the adults and work on our problems with our spouse and not look to another person to fill that void. If the grass looks greener on the other side it maybe because its being taken care of.

For pirates97, as a military spouse I know you have seen a LOT of very young couples. I hear what you are saying and I respect that. After 21 years of active duty I observed a few things. There are certain percentage of young ladies around the base that have a goal of getting married to a serviceman. They see good benefits, decent pay and the dream of traveling around with their husband to different assignments. The reality of it is that once they marry into this life there are last minute deployments, long deployments, sometimes they do move and miss their own family and friends. Getting married young is never a good idea and getting married to a serviceman for the wrong ideas makes it even harder. My advice to my young guys was that if they are thinking of getting married they need to ask their prospective spouse some hard questions and make sure they know that it can be a very rough road at times. Are they strong enough? If they marry the wrong person who was only looking for an escape from their situation you will never please them and they will do what they want for themselves for the entire marriage.

Cheating can happen, people make mistakes. Forgiveness is a true blessing however, systematic cheating is a different story. Why do we cheat? We cheat because as a society we stand for next to nothing anymore. Think of it… Life, Liberty, The Pursuit of Happiness. We trample all of them to satisfy our own needs.

Men, love your spouse and you’ll be loved back. Ladies, likewise. To make any of this work, love yourself.

Peace

The reason anyone cheats is because they’re putting their needs/wants ahead of their spouses’. There are going to be times in life, married or not, when we are going to feel lonely, abandonded, misunderstood, ect. I married when I was 19 and had 4 children in 7 years. There were times I felt totally alone and unloved. Adjusting to being married and being a mother were very difficult on the marriage… but we knew when we entered into it that we would keep our promises. You don’t go outside the marriage to solve issues, and you don’t break a commitment because you don’t feel like keeping it. Our country has this so wrong. And today is my 8th anniversary- we are more in love than before we married. Put your spouse first, whether or not he puts you first… and you will find that it makes you both happy.

I think it’s a combination of being overzealous and greedy as well as the thrill of thinking they won’t get caught. While I think men and women often cheat for different reasons, I think women are much more likely to be unfaithful to their husbands today than say 30 or 40 years ago. I think the sexual revolution as well as feminism have caused significant numbers of women to feel more vindicated in receiving pleasure (as they should), and this had resulted in a tendency to more infidility. While I’m single and not married, I have remained faihtful to my significant others and yet I regretfully can’t say the same has been the case for a couple ex-girlfriends (ex-girlfriend’s for good reason I might add). I also know that there is more of a tendency of unfaithfulness among military wives, as I unfortunately know more than a couple guys who have been victimized by unfaihtful wives. Of course, there are also military men who cheat on their wives while on deployment or “overseas”, and I don’t approve of that either. I will say that I think men get a bum rap here, and I think the statistics would show while men do cheat in higher numbers women are increasingly guilty of infidelity.

Why do men and women cheat? Well lets face it, if someone is straying from a relationship there is something wrong in that relationship. And no matter how much we want to argue and point fingers, say how we have been so badly mistreated, it is both of the people’s faults.

One of my views on marriage is that you should treat it like a full-time job. Okay, I know some of you are thinking, “you shouldn’t have to work hard at love…blahblahblah”, but let me make my point. By making that vow under God, you are making that committment, you are making that marriage your full-time job. You have promised to show up everyday with a smile on your face and work through those hard times, and like many jobs, you work through them with a team. What happens when we start slacking in our jobs? We show up late, our quality of work is declining, the boss has caught us many times sleeping on the job, and we have completely thrown teamwork out the window. If we do those things we will lose our jobs. Just as we would lose our marriage…

Now lets face it, media has completely made cheating the new cosmopolitan. Look at Desperate Housewives for example. All beautiful women, all have cheated. I agree with many of you, our society is completely messed up on its standards of monogomy – or lack their of.

How do we fix it before it happens? My solution is to be very open about your views on the subject. Find out what the other person needs. I heard on the radio the other day that couples that pray together stay together. Now I dont know what makes every man needs to make him not cheat but I figure constant love, compassion, feeling of self worth might be a few of those need. As a woman, I can tell you all that a man does not need a “nagger” and if you are one who constantly does that, you might as well just drop him off at the strip club with a condom and a stack of dollar bills. A man also needs attention when he wants it and space when he needs it. And last but not least women, PUT OUT! And I’m not talking about the same old boring thing. Spice it up. Play dress up, show up to his work with nothing but a trench coat on, do whatever you want. He will love it and you will love it too!

It takes two to mess up. Blame can’t be put on just one individual… look at past actions and most of the time you’ll see bumps from both partners. As humans of this day and age we rush through everything we can in order to achieve what we want while at a young age. We throw morals and maturity away in order to achieve what ever rushed goals we have in mind, but were still raised to know and want a family and do so without the fullest of understanding of what it takes to only regret it or not know how to sustain it. We live in a different age than we did 50 or 60 years ago and our economy thrives on what it is today. There is no room for us to go back to what we were, but there is room for us to try and look at what we are today. As a 22 year old male I can honestly say that most mistakes I’ve ever witness in marriages are from both people rushing for one reason or another… exception to abuse where it’s most of the time one individual.

I have never once cheated on a girlfriend in the dozen or so relationships i have been in. No matter how “serious” or how small it was the thought never crossed my mind, but then again i was raised with morales and no “hip-hop”. If you are in a relationship and feel the need to stray…then get out of the situation. oblivously it’s no good for either of the people involed.

I just want to clarify my stance here since “jason” made a comment that there is more of a tendency for unfaithfullness among military wives. That is absolutely false. I would say that as a whole they tend to be stronger, my point was from my personal experience on the topic “What makes a cheating Heart?”. My point is that I feel that one of the largest contributing factor is getting married too young and for the wrong reasons, if there are problems it makes it alot harder being seperated frequesntly.I observed that situation occur quite often among young members of the military. Young, inexperienced and being in a marriage that requires great dedication and strength. It is hard on the younger ones. I can say that for me my first marriage did not work out becasue of this. Today I am remarried and and with someone that I love, know and trust completely. I think its better to leave the cheater and find real love.

I think, for the most part men cheat for physical attention and women cheat for emotional attention. For a man to say he’s not getting it enough at home and a woman to say she’s not getting enough emotional support…those are just an excuses…how much is not enough? That’s a matter of personal preference.

I think the truth is all men are dogs, they’ll sniff around and stick it anywhere that they’re allowed, men have always behaved that way and they always will behave that way. I think that women in today’s society are catching up with that state of mind, after decades of having to “be Lady-like” they are finally beginning to shed that “role”.

I think for men it’s more of a “spur of the moment thing” and if they think they can get away without being caught, they’ll “go for it”. Women will put more planning into cheating, they’ll consider, plan, and then execute the deed.

The question that should be asked is “What are the reasons that prevent a “person” from cheating?”
Everyone thinks that grass looks greener on the other side…Is that worth losing your family?
I’m not being self-righteous…I’m definitely no angel. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years and I have never cheated on her, we have 3 daughters and they are the reasons that keep me from cheating. I’m not willing to lose their respect as a father for a romp in the hay.

My husband recently cheated on me with my friend and neighbor. We were married for 10 years and together 18. I will not take blame for the affair. I will not say there were not issues or problems in our marriage, but it does not give anyone the green light to have an affair. All the effort and excitement that is put into having an affair could and should be put into the marriage. I know there were a lot of meetings and/or discussions that took place before the hanis act took place; giving both parties time to think of their friends, spouses and children involved. I don’t think excuses should be made for adulterors and that is what they are–Men need this–blah, blah, blah– Woman need to have security and a strong senses of fidelity in their marriage too. Often my husband would tell me prior to the affair “Men were put on this earth for a reason–to procreate”..and what are woman here for–to be lied to , cheated on, and made to feel less deserving of what life has to offer us? It is a selfless act! What has happened to our society? I think people need to focus on the reasons they married their spouse. You can say you have thought of everything before you committ adultery, but believe me, my husband didn’t and our 4 year old will suffer because of it. Affairs have long lasting effects on all parties involved–so think long and hard because what you feel today (butterflies and so called “love”) will eventually fade once you go back to everyday life.

I have to say that in a way I see both sides to this sudject, for example… I am 20 years old with two children under the age of two years. I have been married for almost two years and been with my husband for over four years. Yes I married my high school sweetheart and I couldn’t be happier. But I married so young and had my children at such a very young age that I missed out on alot of things and had to grow up faster than I intended but I can’t blame that on anyone but myself. I would never cheat on my husband because he treats me so well and loves me with every ounce of his heart and I feel the same way about him. But I have woundered what it might be like to be with someone else just because he is the only person that has ever had me like that if you know what I mean. Not saying that I would just want to go and be with any and everyone that I could just saying that I am a lil curious is all. But I know in my heart that I would never be able to do anything like that because it’s really not worth loosing what I have. I think everyone gets curious at times in their relationship no matter how for or against it you really are.

Promise me you will do a segment on WHY WOMEN CHEAT??

OK, now as for men, its pretty simple. Men are dominant by nature and want to prove to themselves and others they have the power to engage in sexual activity with a partner they find sexually attractive. The difficulty comes when the decision needs to be made whether to remain faithful to one, or cheat. Cheating provides a euphoric rush because of the risk of ‘getting caught’, and under those conditions the sex feels better, because you know your doing something you shouldn’t but it feels so good. This does not mean the man does not love his significant other. This does not necessiarly mean he has ‘feelings’ for the other lover. As a man gets older, he wants to see if he still has the ability to attract the opposite sex to the point of sexual engagement.
Other branching reasons could be post traumatic stress from a previous relationship, not having a faithful father role model…

Throughout my relationship experiences I have learned if your not happy
with the one your with then of coarse your going to have difficulties which
may include cheating. In my case I was both the one who cheated and the one who got cheated on (in that order too). My first “long-term” relationship began when I was only 18 and he was 23. We were together for 9 years and at first I belived I loved him with all my heart, then over the years we started growing apart. He started to treat me different, so I continued on being young and accepting the fact that eveything was fine when it wasn’t.
Over the next few years I was faithful up until the point to where he had started to be straight out cruel. Instead of just calling it quits I started to seek out other attention from another man. My consience tormented me about what I had done so I came clean about what I had done.
We were both still young and were still in love (in a way). So we stayed together for another year or so then that old saying “what goes around comes around” and again he stared treating me badly again and I found out he was cheating and confronted him about it. He came clean and finally we both decieded to end our relationship. Then I didn’t really know what love was, sure because I was treated badly was not an excuse to cheat. Now that I’m older (26 years old now) I have more experience with relationships and I have found someone I know deep in my heart that I do truly love and would spend the rest of my life with him. When I think about what I did back when I was in the bad relationship I still feel bad for cheating and today I feel confident in saying that the one I’m with today I could never hurt because I belive I have finally found the one right for me. I belive there is someone for everyone out there somewhere and if you find someone who you truly love and they return that love to you then either of you will have the desire to cheat.