Comments on: Sexpert Q&A: What Leads To A Cheating Heart?

By: Willa

Willa — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:35:05 +0000

Throughout my relationship experiences I have learned if your not happy
with the one your with then of coarse your going to have difficulties which
may include cheating. In my case I was both the one who cheated and the one who got cheated on (in that order too). My first “long-term” relationship began when I was only 18 and he was 23. We were together for 9 years and at first I belived I loved him with all my heart, then over the years we started growing apart. He started to treat me different, so I continued on being young and accepting the fact that eveything was fine when it wasn’t.
Over the next few years I was faithful up until the point to where he had started to be straight out cruel. Instead of just calling it quits I started to seek out other attention from another man. My consience tormented me about what I had done so I came clean about what I had done.
We were both still young and were still in love (in a way). So we stayed together for another year or so then that old saying “what goes around comes around” and again he stared treating me badly again and I found out he was cheating and confronted him about it. He came clean and finally we both decieded to end our relationship. Then I didn’t really know what love was, sure because I was treated badly was not an excuse to cheat. Now that I’m older (26 years old now) I have more experience with relationships and I have found someone I know deep in my heart that I do truly love and would spend the rest of my life with him. When I think about what I did back when I was in the bad relationship I still feel bad for cheating and today I feel confident in saying that the one I’m with today I could never hurt because I belive I have finally found the one right for me. I belive there is someone for everyone out there somewhere and if you find someone who you truly love and they return that love to you then either of you will have the desire to cheat.

By: axion

axion — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:20:00 +0000

Promise me you will do a segment on WHY WOMEN CHEAT??

OK, now as for men, its pretty simple. Men are dominant by nature and want to prove to themselves and others they have the power to engage in sexual activity with a partner they find sexually attractive. The difficulty comes when the decision needs to be made whether to remain faithful to one, or cheat. Cheating provides a euphoric rush because of the risk of ‘getting caught’, and under those conditions the sex feels better, because you know your doing something you shouldn’t but it feels so good. This does not mean the man does not love his significant other. This does not necessiarly mean he has ‘feelings’ for the other lover. As a man gets older, he wants to see if he still has the ability to attract the opposite sex to the point of sexual engagement.
Other branching reasons could be post traumatic stress from a previous relationship, not having a faithful father role model…

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:37:27 +0000

I have to say that in a way I see both sides to this sudject, for example… I am 20 years old with two children under the age of two years. I have been married for almost two years and been with my husband for over four years. Yes I married my high school sweetheart and I couldn’t be happier. But I married so young and had my children at such a very young age that I missed out on alot of things and had to grow up faster than I intended but I can’t blame that on anyone but myself. I would never cheat on my husband because he treats me so well and loves me with every ounce of his heart and I feel the same way about him. But I have woundered what it might be like to be with someone else just because he is the only person that has ever had me like that if you know what I mean. Not saying that I would just want to go and be with any and everyone that I could just saying that I am a lil curious is all. But I know in my heart that I would never be able to do anything like that because it’s really not worth loosing what I have. I think everyone gets curious at times in their relationship no matter how for or against it you really are.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:05:42 +0000

My husband recently cheated on me with my friend and neighbor. We were married for 10 years and together 18. I will not take blame for the affair. I will not say there were not issues or problems in our marriage, but it does not give anyone the green light to have an affair. All the effort and excitement that is put into having an affair could and should be put into the marriage. I know there were a lot of meetings and/or discussions that took place before the hanis act took place; giving both parties time to think of their friends, spouses and children involved. I don’t think excuses should be made for adulterors and that is what they are–Men need this–blah, blah, blah– Woman need to have security and a strong senses of fidelity in their marriage too. Often my husband would tell me prior to the affair “Men were put on this earth for a reason–to procreate”..and what are woman here for–to be lied to , cheated on, and made to feel less deserving of what life has to offer us? It is a selfless act! What has happened to our society? I think people need to focus on the reasons they married their spouse. You can say you have thought of everything before you committ adultery, but believe me, my husband didn’t and our 4 year old will suffer because of it. Affairs have long lasting effects on all parties involved–so think long and hard because what you feel today (butterflies and so called “love”) will eventually fade once you go back to everyday life.

By: Robin

Robin — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:43:39 +0000

I think, for the most part men cheat for physical attention and women cheat for emotional attention. For a man to say he’s not getting it enough at home and a woman to say she’s not getting enough emotional support…those are just an excuses…how much is not enough? That’s a matter of personal preference.

I think the truth is all men are dogs, they’ll sniff around and stick it anywhere that they’re allowed, men have always behaved that way and they always will behave that way. I think that women in today’s society are catching up with that state of mind, after decades of having to “be Lady-like” they are finally beginning to shed that “role”.

I think for men it’s more of a “spur of the moment thing” and if they think they can get away without being caught, they’ll “go for it”. Women will put more planning into cheating, they’ll consider, plan, and then execute the deed.

The question that should be asked is “What are the reasons that prevent a “person” from cheating?”
Everyone thinks that grass looks greener on the other side…Is that worth losing your family?
I’m not being self-righteous…I’m definitely no angel. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years and I have never cheated on her, we have 3 daughters and they are the reasons that keep me from cheating. I’m not willing to lose their respect as a father for a romp in the hay.

By: Ron

Ron — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:02:27 +0000

I just want to clarify my stance here since “jason” made a comment that there is more of a tendency for unfaithfullness among military wives. That is absolutely false. I would say that as a whole they tend to be stronger, my point was from my personal experience on the topic “What makes a cheating Heart?”. My point is that I feel that one of the largest contributing factor is getting married too young and for the wrong reasons, if there are problems it makes it alot harder being seperated frequesntly.I observed that situation occur quite often among young members of the military. Young, inexperienced and being in a marriage that requires great dedication and strength. It is hard on the younger ones. I can say that for me my first marriage did not work out becasue of this. Today I am remarried and and with someone that I love, know and trust completely. I think its better to leave the cheater and find real love.

By: jimi

jimi — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 11:04:23 +0000

I have never once cheated on a girlfriend in the dozen or so relationships i have been in. No matter how “serious” or how small it was the thought never crossed my mind, but then again i was raised with morales and no “hip-hop”. If you are in a relationship and feel the need to stray…then get out of the situation. oblivously it’s no good for either of the people involed.

By: michael

michael — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 10:29:18 +0000

It takes two to mess up. Blame can’t be put on just one individual… look at past actions and most of the time you’ll see bumps from both partners. As humans of this day and age we rush through everything we can in order to achieve what we want while at a young age. We throw morals and maturity away in order to achieve what ever rushed goals we have in mind, but were still raised to know and want a family and do so without the fullest of understanding of what it takes to only regret it or not know how to sustain it. We live in a different age than we did 50 or 60 years ago and our economy thrives on what it is today. There is no room for us to go back to what we were, but there is room for us to try and look at what we are today. As a 22 year old male I can honestly say that most mistakes I’ve ever witness in marriages are from both people rushing for one reason or another… exception to abuse where it’s most of the time one individual.

By: Karri

Karri — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:20:13 +0000

Why do men and women cheat? Well lets face it, if someone is straying from a relationship there is something wrong in that relationship. And no matter how much we want to argue and point fingers, say how we have been so badly mistreated, it is both of the people’s faults.

One of my views on marriage is that you should treat it like a full-time job. Okay, I know some of you are thinking, “you shouldn’t have to work hard at love…blahblahblah”, but let me make my point. By making that vow under God, you are making that committment, you are making that marriage your full-time job. You have promised to show up everyday with a smile on your face and work through those hard times, and like many jobs, you work through them with a team. What happens when we start slacking in our jobs? We show up late, our quality of work is declining, the boss has caught us many times sleeping on the job, and we have completely thrown teamwork out the window. If we do those things we will lose our jobs. Just as we would lose our marriage…

Now lets face it, media has completely made cheating the new cosmopolitan. Look at Desperate Housewives for example. All beautiful women, all have cheated. I agree with many of you, our society is completely messed up on its standards of monogomy - or lack their of.

How do we fix it before it happens? My solution is to be very open about your views on the subject. Find out what the other person needs. I heard on the radio the other day that couples that pray together stay together. Now I dont know what makes every man needs to make him not cheat but I figure constant love, compassion, feeling of self worth might be a few of those need. As a woman, I can tell you all that a man does not need a “nagger” and if you are one who constantly does that, you might as well just drop him off at the strip club with a condom and a stack of dollar bills. A man also needs attention when he wants it and space when he needs it. And last but not least women, PUT OUT! And I’m not talking about the same old boring thing. Spice it up. Play dress up, show up to his work with nothing but a trench coat on, do whatever you want. He will love it and you will love it too!

By: Jason

Jason — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 23:28:21 +0000

I think it’s a combination of being overzealous and greedy as well as the thrill of thinking they won’t get caught. While I think men and women often cheat for different reasons, I think women are much more likely to be unfaithful to their husbands today than say 30 or 40 years ago. I think the sexual revolution as well as feminism have caused significant numbers of women to feel more vindicated in receiving pleasure (as they should), and this had resulted in a tendency to more infidility. While I’m single and not married, I have remained faihtful to my significant others and yet I regretfully can’t say the same has been the case for a couple ex-girlfriends (ex-girlfriend’s for good reason I might add). I also know that there is more of a tendency of unfaithfulness among military wives, as I unfortunately know more than a couple guys who have been victimized by unfaihtful wives. Of course, there are also military men who cheat on their wives while on deployment or “overseas”, and I don’t approve of that either. I will say that I think men get a bum rap here, and I think the statistics would show while men do cheat in higher numbers women are increasingly guilty of infidelity.