Finally, someone in the Media has come out and said it. Sex Addiction is a lot of bologna. And the fact that the average person actually believes it is scary. We’re turning into a herd of dumb sheep that can be controlled at a whim by anyone or any group. As a Race we need to take responsibility for our successes AND failures.

Dr. Fulbright,
While I do not discount your expertise in most things sexual due to the amount of work you have done to get your degree, I don’t think you can be any more mistaken when it comes to “Sexual Addiction”; I am speaking from experience. I am no religious prude. I am a recovering sexual dependent (since we’re not using the term ‘addict’). I was so into pornography that it almost cost me my marriage, job and future. See, the problem is that a little innocent sexual pleasure is not enough for an “addict”. The need to see or do something more exciting is what happens after a little fantasizing about something in a Playboy magazine becomes boring. For me, it became whatever I could think of; incest, transexual, whatever was new or taboo. I started checking into sexual classified ads. I would be late for work or skip class in college because I felt the urge to masturbate. Frequently. I would shake with anticipation before masturbating to pornography (that couldn’t be a physiological dependence, could it?). Fortunately,with therapy and the help of empathetic friends and my pastor, I was able to wake up and understand the consequences of what I was doing before I had an affair, developed an STD, or did something illegal in pursuit of the sexual high. I feel your words do a huge disservice to those of us who are trying to put our lives back together after destroying ourselves by engaging in risky sexual behavior. Don’t get me wrong, my wife and I have a great sex life; but I am no longer driven by the pursuit of an orgasm. I have been able to reclaim sex as a way to express love to my wife. Well, this is starting to go on, and you’ll probably never read it, but I hope that it is helpful to even one person who is fighting this same battle to reclaim control of their sexuality. I hope you hear me.

Boy, that seems a bit cavalier to just dismiss the entire concept of sexual addiction! I think my medical profession can be a bit dogmatic at times, but it’s hard to question the fact that some aspects of a person’s life can become disproportionately consuming. If pursuing sexual drives via pornography or prostitution replaces contact with one’s spouse, or worse yet, that pursuit/need interferes with a job or daily functioning – that sure seems like an addiction to me. You may be right that it is rare (as you mention in your last paragraph) but you should spend more time refuting the incidence of the problem instead of denying that it exists – otherwise you are potentially preventing some from seeking help. I normally enjoy your column, but this one struck me as flippant and overgeneralizing. If you disagree with the addiction label, how would you categorize a person who spends 4-5 hours a day looking at porn?

Would not say it is all hogwash. There are cases where sexual related issues (e.g. extreme amount of pornography use, need for multiple sexual relationships at the same time, constant desire for sexual gratification without emotional connection) that do interrupt “normal life” on a regular basis could be described as an addition. Consequences without satisfying these needs seem to include depression and extreme agitation. I do agree that there is typically a deeper issue (childhood molestation, absence of parental attention and affection, etc.) that is the root cause of this type behavior. I am part of a Christian 12 step program that deals with multiple issues one of which is sexual addiction. We do point folks with all types of addition into counseling as well as small group support teams to help identify the root issues and deal with them.

This article just goes to show that you can have a PH.D and still be ignorant. You obviously are not familiar with the latest research.

I believe that there is in fact a thing as sex addiction. Just because you don’t have DT’s from not having it doesn’t mean that there is not an addiction. An addiction is anything that takes control of your life. That is the key to an addiction, does it take control. There have been many marriages and friendships that have been broken because a person has let sex take control. Most of the time, maybe not all the time, this all starts with looking at pornography. What started out being something innocent turned out to be a life controlling issue. Porn is a fantasy world it is not reality and that is what traps a person. It offers the viewer a false since of escape. If a person stays in this world of elusion it will take control and come to an addiction state. Then every part of your life starts to revolve around sex and when the level of excitement can’t be satisfied that is when real bad things start to happen. I think there are many people that are sex addicts and don’t even realize it.

I am very surprised at your vehement rejection of the concept of sex addiction. Your opinions and advice have, for all I have seen and read, been well thought and well researched. To be honest, i don’t think this opinion is either one. I agree that a good deal of the issue is in the definition of ‘addiction’, and technically, I don’t think it qualifies. But that does not negate the reality of the problem, call it whatever you will.
For instance, you reject (and mock) the SAA questions. If you selected 4 questions from the AA list of addiction qualifiers, they would sound as ludicrous as those you chose from SAA. “Has your drinking caused trouble at home?”, or “Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?” or “Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?” Most of the drinking adult (or non adult) population would answer yes to these questions, and still not be anywhere near alcoholic. The point was not “say yes to a question and you are an addict”.

And sure, there are people who exaggerate the problems, and those who use it as a guilt trip, or a control mechanism. Fools have used the bible, the constitution and too many other healthy ideas as tools for their own selfish purposes. The bible remains the good book, the constitution remains the best blueprint for a democratic govennment in history, and sex ‘addiction’ is a reality, not a myth. After all, there is still huge controversy after decades of AA sucess’, many saying alcoholism is not an addiction either. So what?

If you were to do more, thorough research, you would find that the SAA type groups typically suggest to the members that they are the only ones who can define ‘normal’ for themselves. And, from my years of working in this arena, I can tell you that your statement, “Their goal: to make a disease of your sex life.” is as misleading as Bill’s “I did not have sex with that woman”. I would like to think the deception was not equally intentional.

You have done your readers and fans a great disservice. Pease, revisit this subject. You can do a lot of good here, and help a lot of people.

Does addiction exonerate the addict from toxic, harmful behaviors? No, and to suggest a diagnosis of addiction is an attempt to avoid personal responsibility is sheer nonsense, and then to suggest it invalidates the diagnosis is ludicrous.

I will agree on one point–sexual addiction isn’t about sex. It is about the use of sex to deal with intolerable (subjective) realities and emotions.

If Ms. Fulbright is happy with her life and sexual choices, more power to her. It’s not my place to judge. To have her state that sexual addiction is a “crock,” however, is erroneous, reckless, and damaging to those who are addicts and are seeking help.

Help me to understand what makes your opinion of weightier import than millions of “medical and counseling professionals and members of the clergy. Further, how can you claim that such a “straw man” group that you have constructed has “no background in sexuality” and yet claim any semblance of integrity? How can you paint the entire medical, counseling, and ministerial professions with a brush that charges them with being “moralistic” and “misinformed” without supplying a single shred of evidence to prove your claim?

I find your entire approach problematic. You pontificate, but do not offer even the slightest support for your claims. One can call a tree a three-toed sloth, but that doesn’t make it one–no matter how loudly or frequently or “sincerely” she or he does so. Similarly, you can call the notion of sexual addiction a “crock,” but YOUR PRONOUNCEMENT does not make it so. You can call sexual addiction “ridiculous” and “hogwash,” but such pejoratives do not alter reality. Where is the evidence? How do you support the basic assertion you make in this article?

How do you handle the evidence that sexual stimuli release chemicals that produce a “high” similar in effect to certain kinds of drugs? Do you really believe that labeling something “dependence” is categorically different from “addiction.”

The most disturbing aspect of your article is that you treat sex as entirely independent of human relationships. Sex is all about the individual, and what is “right” for the individual. OK, Let’s be politically correct here: “Who has the right to tell me how many cigarrettes a day I can smoke? or how many beers I can drink at one sitting? or how many people I can depersonalize by fabricating some supposed sexual fantasy involving them? Or how many people I can manipulate or coerce into living out some sexual fantasy with me?” That’s the real issue, isn’t it?

Indeed, who has the right? I’d say the one who created us has that right, but you’ve probably long since written God off by arguing him out of relevance or existence. I’ve heard the line often: “You know, God is really a ‘human construct.’” But I don’t buy it. Oh we certainly witness a slough of humanly constructed gods, but they are nothing like the God of the Bible. This God is not susceptible to manipulation.

To be sure, sex is a natural and a good part of God’s creation; it is intentional. Its purpose is to unite a man and a woman in an exclusive relationship that forms the most fundamental building block of society, namely the family. Unlimited sexual partners and unrestricted sex has a damning effect on society and deleterious effects on individuals who participate in such–and there are plenty of statistics to support this conclusion. This “restriction” of one man for one woman was not the design of a mean despot intent on raining on people’s parade; it was for the protection of society.

I hope you do not write my remarks off as unreasoned rantings of some self-enthroned “holier-than-thou.” I am under no delusion regarding my solidarity with “fallen humanity.” But I am not about to abandon my belief in nor quest to follow the best path.

Finally, while I find your denial of the reality of sexual addiction incredibly naive, I do agree that addictions do not absolve the addicts of the responsibility for their actions. I’ve heard the stories of too many addicts who consistently confess feelings of being “out of control” to buy your unbeliveable assertion that “it’s being in control that’s causing their pain.” Addicts need help, but the way to help them is surely not to tell them they are not addicted–a pontificated pronouncement devoid of substance that is tantamount to informing an inebriated individual that she or he is completely sober. What if she or he responds, “well if I’m sober, give me the keys to my car”? What do we say when he or she kills some unsuspecting and undeserving human being in an automobile accident, or verbally/physically abuses a defenseless child or spouse? You say, that’s alcohol addiction, not sexual addiction. Reality says unchecked self-focused sexual acts that disregard the personhood of fantasized or materialized partners follow a progressively degrading trajectory. The good news is that help is available!

I pause for reply.

Dear “FOXSexspert”,

Before you deem something as serious as sex addiction hogwash, maybe you should study the subject of addiction and the 12 steps more closely. Here’s an idea; try talking to a real live recovering person. Have you ever asked an addict in the middle of their addiction if they find anything wrong with their behavior?? The real issue here is when a person, all by him/herself, realizes that there IS something wrong. This is the problem when so-called experts pass down their verdicts regarding things they know nothing about. Realizing the truth of an addictive problem and seeking help doesn’t create a convenient excuse for a person’s actions. In fact, the opposite is true. Working a program for sex addiction (for me, sex and love addiction) has forced me to accept that I AM responsible for the things I’ve done; that my decisions aren’t made in a vaccuum, but affect those around me. Trust me, there has been nothing “easy” about admitting to something as socially shunned as sexual compulsion, especially being a woman.

As for the physiological effects of behavioral addiction, again, you shouldn’t make such definitive statements, especially when you’re wrong. Several studies of the brain and behavior (see below) back the idea that there’s very little biological difference between what goes on in the head of a behavioral addict and that of a crack addict. Withdrawal from sexual and other behavioral addictions can be equally as painful and difficult as a person trying to beat cocaine.

Addiction can be characterized by the loss of choice or ability to quit a behavior despite a strong desire to stop and even attempts to do so. This is not about whose morality is right or wrong regarding sexual behavior. This is about people wanting to stop doing things that are destroying their lives. The need for help is for the individual to determine, not you.

Read:
http://www.noraa.org/meso_limbic_rewards.html
http://www.cnsspectrums.com/aspx/article_pf.aspx?articleid=913
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/health/mg19125661.200-hooked-why-your-brain-is-primed-for-addiction.html

Dr. Fulbright–

I understand your argument. You are, however, mostly wrong and gravely misinformed.
First of all, Sex Addicts Anonymous is NOT “SA”. It’s “SAA”. SA is an entirely different organization with differing beliefs and style. I cannot talk to that organization.

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), however, never claims to judge or impose any sexual “standard” on anyone. SAA is all about understanding oneself and making an inventory of any potentially shameful and/or immoral behaviors one believes they have done, taking full responsibility for those actions, making amends to those you may have harmed when possible, and committing oneself to what ‘they define’ as a healthy sexual experience.

It’s not about abstinence from sex. On the contrary, it’s about a person understanding themselves and defining for themselves a health sexual life. Most people who come to SAA have experienced some form of abuse–sexual or physical as a child. Some if not all have distorted views about sexuality stemming from a variety of reasons. Whatever the reasons, these people have chosen a path of very unhealthy behaviors– i.e. porn, having extra-marital affairs, exhibitionism, voyeurism, child porn. These people are genuinely “sick” and live this unmanageable and dangerous life that they have created for themselves with “insane” denials and rationalizations for their behaviors.

SAA and similar reputable programs are all about arresting this behavior– moving from the vile and poisonous shame and pain it produces to a spiritual understanding of oneself– to truly learn and strive for a new healthy sexual life.

You are correct–that some people “embrace their sex addiction “diagnosis.” They’re not at fault for their sexual impulses and desires…” However, you are taking this out of context. SAA does NOT promote blaming the addiction. On the contrary, it’s about taking personal responsibility of one’s actions regardless of any circumstance.

You are also right that “Being out of control isn’t the issue for most “sex addicts.” It’s being in control that’s causing pain”. THIS is exactly what SAA promotes. It’s all about surrendering ones unhealthy control behaviors–which is certainly problematic.

Dr. Fulbright, I have no doubt that you have hurt many people by your comments in this article that are suffering. I only wish you seek out true professionals that are experienced in this specific field before making such a blanket and certainly flawed assessment.

Eliot

My experience with this topic is that the twelve step organizations dedicated to healing sexual issues don’t presuppose a position of “you are screwed up and here’s why”. In general they are saying hey, I had a problem with this and here is how I behaved. Also they list many methods they used to “manage” or “control” their self labeled “problem”. Their position seems to be that they want to help other people who may have similar issues. In principle they don’t promote themselves as a moral crusade. They are there to attract those who may be interested.

Putting aside semantics over terms like addiction and the like I believe that to out of hand reject the idea that there is no such thing as sex addiction (or that it is very rare) is irresponsible – especially coming from a professional in the field of human sexuality. Rather than try to construct an arguement for the validity of sex addiction and it’s frequency I reccomend the following book on the topic: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes.

From a personal standpoint I think sex addiction is about the ability to control one’s behavior from THEIR definition of what is acceptable. I keep doing this behavior and afterward I feel like crap (or some other consequence). I am not going to do this anymore. But soon I do it again. Ok, no big deal, until I repeat this experiment add infinitum. I try to apply my will power each time in some new way – or sometimes I don’t fight at all. The cycle continues. Eventually the consequences get worse (usually along with the behavior) and I can’t take it. I begin to lose things like my family, job, self repect. But even after all that I continue to “act out”. Finally the only choice seems to be to put a gun in my mouth. This is how I describe sex addiction. It is one very oversimplified example but the emphasis is on THE ABILITY TO CONTROL MYSELF. NOT MORALITY.

I am just trying to counter balance some of the ideas I picked up on in your article. Maybe we should meet for coffee and discuss it

Colorado

Reading this story made me so angry. I don’t care what this woman’s degree says she and thousands of other therapists think they know. Just because something isn’t recognized by all in the medical or psychiatric community ( and sex addiction is recognized by many in these fields) doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Psychiatrists and Psychologists for years have disagreed on whether or not multiple personality disorder really exists. Try telling the hundreds of thousands of spouses who’s partners are addicted to internet porn that what they are going thru is not real. My husband’s been addicted for 23 years. He struggles with it daily and the sad thing is he’s just like so many other men and even some women out there. You can say it’s not an addiction but look up the definition of addiction!! As per the dictionary: “The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.” My husband has tried everything to try to control his overwhelming desire to surf for porn. Internet filters, internet locks on the computer, having me remove the battery and power cord from his laptop and hide it from him, an accountability report of what he’s viewed on the internet, counselling, etc. Everything, but so far he’s unable to completely control his compulsion. If he does go a while without viewing it then when he finds himself having an uncontrollable urge to view it he then spends hours binging on it. Just like many other addicts of other addictions He’s a very dedicated and responsible person but he’s put his very career at risk because of his inablilty to stop himself from wanting to look at porn at work (he’s never actually viewed “porn” at work-so far- but has come very close and used substitutes instead like bakini models and such). Extensive research shows that all kinds of chemical’s are released in the brain while viewing porn. Chemicals that provide such an addictive feeling of euphoria that the addict becomes addicted to the reaction their body has from viewing the porn. Ask anyone addicted to it and they’ll tell you that it makes them feel excited (not just sexually) along with other things but it also gives them a peaceful feeling and helps them to relax. It feels like a high you could get from any other drug. Research has shown that porn is actually more addictive than heroine and harder to beat as an addiction because as the good doctor in this article pointed out, you can detox from all other addictions, but there’s no way to detox from the images in your head. Just ask anyone addicted to porn and they’ll tell you that they can run thousands of images of naked people that they’ve viewed thru their heads at any given time. As far as the argument that it’s not an addiction because there are no withdrawal symptoms, once again, not true. Some withdrawal symptoms from nicotine are “and intense craving for nicotine, tension, irritability, difficulty concentrating, anxiety” etc. The withdrawl symptoms from frequent porn viewing (by someone who’s addicted to it) are exactly the same and sometimes even worse. Are you now going to say that nicotine addiction isn’t real either? I have at least a dozen books on this topic alone within which thousands of sex addicts have been studied and counselled and you can’t tell them that they don’t have a “true addiction” and aren’t suffering greatly because of it. That it’s “a bunch of baloney”. Hundreds of them have lost their families and/or jobs because of their addiction. Everyone still thinks that money is the mostly exclusive cause of divorces nowadays but that’s just true anymore. Divorce attorney’s are seeing more and more marriages ending because of one of the partners porn addiction. One lawyer in California in particular said that half of her cases were because of that reason alone. And another thing. Just because something is culturally accepted doesn’t mean it’s right. We’re told that just about every thing sexually under the sun is “normal and okay” when it’s just not! Honor killings are culturally accepted in many Muslim countries but that doesn’t make them right! Same thing with female genitalia mutilation and stoning of someone who’s gay or commits adultery. I’m sure you could find doctors and psychologist from those countries who would say that those things are normal, acceptable and even honorable behaviours and practices but the rest of us know that’s a crock. I found this article very hurtful because it minimalizes, trivializes and says that what we are experiencing just isn’t real. I also found it dangerously misinformative. There are so many things in this world that doctors and scientists say don’t exist and aren’t possible only to be proven wrong over time. Well I garauntee you this will be one of those things that is eventually recognized by the medical community even by those that are way behind on the consequences of our overly sexualized society and greatly misinformed of the hundreds of thousands (if not more) persons who are struggling with this addiction. This particular addiction is only going to get worse with our modern day “sexing up” of everything from advertisements to tv and movies along with the popularity of the internet and the availability of porn on it. Sex on the Internet constitutes the third largest economic sector on the Web gernerating over one billion dollars annually.
Start doing some actual research and treating real sex addicts and you’ll be singing a different tune. Or even start by going to “codeps.com”, a support group site for the partners of sex addicts, read their heartbreaking stories and tell them that it’s all of figment of their imagination.

Yvonne, thanks for revealing the truth about this issue because the truth will set you free. It’s astonishing to hear it from someone with your credentials but you do realize it makes you a contrarian.

While I think it’s true that there is no such thing as “addiction” in the sense that a person is not responsible for her/her sexual urges, I think it’s misinformed to suggest that there is no such thing as sexual addiction. People become addicted to something when they feel like they must have it in order to be happy, and there are quite a few people who are willing to throw away everything they have; families, money, and reputation, because they feel like they must gratify their urges in order to be happy.

Yvonne,
What’s “hogwash” is your article, and your “religion” of psychology which says that anything goes, any whim for sexual pleasure is okay if it is consensual.

This wisdom is pathetic . . . I certainly hope no one takes this article seriously.

MV

One last thought. It wasn’t all that long ago that both the mental health profession as a whole, along with chiropractics, were considered “quack” fields or as you might say “a crock”. Some people still feel that way. Aren’t you glad that not everyone was or is as close-minded as you and some of your fellow collegues? Otherwise you folks would be out of a job. Your article came acrossed much like the uneducated folks whose stance with anorexics is “what’s the big deal, just eat”. As you know, it’s just not that simple.

Those who think it’s hogwash have obviously never lived through it. I consider myself a “survivor” of my husband’s “addiction”. It nearly ended our marriage. He was up at all hours of the night looking at porn, started out mild and increasingly got more raunchy. It eventually moved to acting out with other people. And before someone cries that he wasn’t getting tnough at home, that’s garbage. I did everything he wanted and he couldn’t stop. There are actually studies to show that male orgasm has the same effect on the brain as heroin. So yes, I believe it’s addictive, but curable.

Thank you, thank you!
I need to tell you I have been reading your column religously and am happy to hear Im not an addict! I recently found the pleasure or orgasming, at the late age of 32, and I am loving this time of my life! While I dont have a partner, I am happy with the experiences I am going through and loving everything about learning how to please myself!
Ive seriously thought I was ‘addicted’ and have been shameful. I like to climax at least daily and really really anticpate it if its been more than 2 days. But now I will simply enjoy and continue my adventures and know that its okay.
Thanks again!

I think this article is quite sensible. However, it failed to address what seems to me anyway to be clear dysfunctions like beastiality for instance, or what about the guy in the news who was just given the death penalty for torturing and raping a little girl before finally cutting her head off??

There might be far more than meets the eye regarding sexual behaviors, but I’m certainly not convinced that everyone is therefore given carte blanch. My non-professional opinion is that what matters isn’t the sexual behavior itself per se but rather the motivation behind it. For instance, if the aforementioned child molester was abused as a child as he claimed in court, then the proper course of action would be to focus on resolving those issues rather than transferring his pathologies into other areas of his life, such as sex. Otherwise, I don’t necessarily care if a couple wants to dress up in clown suits and clobber each other over the head with nerf bats.

As with all ethical behaviors, it’s ultimately just about realistic living isn’t it? A bank robber might get to live it up for the time being, and that seems to me a great thing except that there are consequences to his actions and what he does affects those around him. Getting angry is also natural, for example. The only question is how we act on that anger. Perhaps some anger is not good because it is the compounded result of acting unrealistically upon some previous wrong, some previous angry occurrence.

I think you’re spot on.

Seems like everyone is looking for something else to blame, instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. I’m quite sure I would be label an addict by that defination, and proud of it.

I say own your freakiness (as long as it’s between consenting adults) and enjoy it.

If you are so repressed that this is not possible for you, then at the very least, worry about your own sexual morality and leave us freaks alone.

Unbelievable. Yvonne has done anything but research. Her arguments are as shallow as her understanding of true intimacy expressed in the beautiful gift of sex. I recommend she read up on Patrick Barnes to become educated about this very real addiction. Of course she has to downplay this reality because it threatens her very raison d’etre.

But how many more young collegiate women, will have to suffer rape, torture, and murder; how many more young boys and girls will be sexually abused; sold into sexual servitude; how many more families will be destroyed by infidelity; before we realize our society is serious trouble viz. its apparent all consuming goal: orgasm.

I have attended many an SA meeting and regualrly prayed the serenity prayer with men and woment who are no longer raping, no longer pimping children as prostitutes; no longer passing out their HIV to others.

Maybe Yvonne should take a month and attend 5-6 SA meetings herself. Who knows, maybe she too can come to know a life enriched by, rather than totally consumed by sex.

I agree with this article 100%. Too many people use the title sex addict as an excuse for their bad choses or as an excuse to do whatever they want. Then when they are confronted with the consequences of cheating on their partner they claim sexual addiction to get out of trouble and to get sympathy. It is the biggest crock of SH*# I have ever heard.

Wow! As a SEX ADDICT myself, I’m apalled at your narrow-minded way of categorically trashing an entire group of people. First of all, my addiction has NEVER been my crutch. When I mess up, I made a choice. Yes, the first step, of all 12-step programs, is admitting powerlessness to control addictive/compulsive behaviors and that life has become unmanageable, but I don’t think you see the real issue. This is due to the fact that either

A. You are in denial
B. You are not an addict, and therefore, find it difficult to empathize with those who are

Trust me, there are sex addicts, many more than you or I know. My suggestion to you, would be to pick up the book “Out of the Shadows” by Patrick Carnes. What you should know, is that there are many people who use sex/porn/lust to cope with pain. Anything that you turn to, again and again, to medicate the pain in your life, is an addiction.

It could be drugs, alcohol, the endorphine release from sex/fantasy/porn or eating. People who turn again and again to something (whatever it is — work, games, control) to mask their pain, have a REAL problem. The real thing that is causing many sex addicts in our culture, is that people are becoming less and less relational these days — much more inclined to blog, IM, e-mail than to get together with friends face-to-face.

Many don’t know how to have REAL relationships, but they know how to have sex. Since they know how to have sex, they assume they know how to love, but nothing could be further from the truth. Much of what I have said, I speak out of my history and my 1st hand experiences from talking with many men who share in my struggle or some variation of it. It’s funny, advice like yours is what I got from a psychologist in college.

If he had told me then, to get into a 12-step group, how much pain would it have saved me? Too much. I have another friend, who was military, and when he was in the service, went to their (Navy) psychologist and told him he thought he had a problem. When the psychologist asked my friend if his wife knew about it, and he told him “No,” the psychologist remarked “…what’s the problem?”

The fact of the matter is, that I’ve seen people recover, and after more than 3 and 1/2 years in recovery myself, I’ve seen A LOT of progress in my own life. That being said, everyone I know, who has thought early on “something’s awry” only to have a psychologist tell them they’re normal, eventually ends up back in recovery, much later, and filled with regret that the “professional” they saw, led them astray. Please, do everybody a favor, and stop telling people they aren’t addicted, just because the fact that they are getting help and seeing positive changes in their own lives makes you uncomfortable that you aren’t.

Dr. Fulbright,

I AM HOPEFUL YOU WILL WRITE ME BACK because I have many questions of you. I enjoy reading your column and find that I agree with you most times. I am not sure you are a Christian though so I would love to know that–but that is a more personal matter. But, professionally, I happen to agree with most of what you say, even though it contradicts what most believe in modern Christianity at times. However, this is NOT the fault of God or the Bible. It is the fault of Christians themselves who surround the subject of sex with FEAR and in so doing, either misinterpret the gospel or over-extend the sexual rules laid out for us in the gospel. If you are a Christian, I would love to engage in a candid discussion with you regarding what behaviors, specifically, that the gospel alllows verses those that are specifically forbidden. My own reading of the gospel reveals to me that there are actually very few things that we, as Christians, can not do. Those things specifically forbidden are few, but very explicit. Anything outside of those few “sins” I think we are probably free in Christ to engage in as often as we want, provided we are doing so within the bounds of Godly marriage and provided that our wife also consents. Further, I think that if most people coud get past their own religious FEARS regarding sexuality due to the erroneous information they have been taught, then both their sex lives and their psychological well being would be much healthier.

On a related note, I agree with your basic premise for today’s article in that not everyone is created equally, sexually speaking. For instance, I am a Marine, and a pretty physically gifted one, and like most Marines, my body produces WAY more testosterone than the average male. The results of this are that I can do many more physical things than most people and that my sex drive is also much higher. This does not excuse sexual immorality on my part. I know that I am still responsible for submitting my body to God through the redeeming blood of Jesus Christ, and ultimately figuring out a way to live a moral life. But still, I know that when I finally find someone with whom I believe to be my sexual equal so that I can get married to her, I know I will engage in sexual activities with my wife far more often than the average person and the sexual activities are going to be more varied–just because it is in me to do that. It is not evil, as long as I am obeying the Bible. On the contrary, it is a gift from God, for both me and for my wife, and like all gifts from God, it is created to be good. So I agree that we are all created as sexual beings and as such, are all created unique in Christ with different appetites and needs. Therefore, who is to say, what is a normal amount of times to engage in particular sexual behavior or what behaviors are normal–though there are definitely a few that are forbidden scripturally and that is among the things I would like to hash out with you–but still, there are far less activities forbidden in scripture than not, if people would read what the gospel actually says verses what they are often wrongly told that it says. Are you a Christian? And whether you are or are not, would you be willing to discuss these matters candidly with me over the email or even through the regular mail? It might help you reach a wider Christian audience. Also, is that your link that I see on Myspace? We could do it that way too–though you may prefer my private email if you want it to be more private. Would love to hear from you. God bless.

Trevor

Hi I just read your article about sex addiction and had to comment. About 14 years ago at two years into my marriage I had and affair. It was bad but my wife and I worked through it. Than a year or so latter I did it again so I thought that I must be a sex addict. So I went to see a psychologist. I should mention that I am a Christian so of course this psychologist was a Christian as well. So I am fully expecting to here that I am a sex addict from this guy and after pouring out all my “problems” he tell me to my surprise that I was not a sex addict but I had other issues mostly maturity and commitment problems. Oddly enough he ended up doing marriage consoling for the both of us. After much blood sweat and tears we put it behind us and we have never looked back and our relationship gets stronger all the time and the beauty part is that our sex life is unbelievable and continues to get better all the time. Much better than running around for a thrill, getting intimidate with same person over 18 years of marriage has taken me and my wife to places of intimacy that I never thought possible…oh and its wild too;} All this to say to you your right sex addiction is a bunch of bunk. It may exist in some form for a very small percentage of the people who claim to suffer from it. I believe that most times it’s just a way for someone to get out of being caught cheating. I just wanted to also mention that not all Christians or Christian Councilors are trying to restrain sexuality some do get it and I was lucky enough to get one like that. Anyway great article keep up the good work.

Frank P

Thank you! I am tired of every little thing becoming a “disease.” Just because I like sex does not make me an addicit or un-moral. I love my wife and to be very honest I would rather be having sex than then commenting here!

I usually enjoy the comments of Ms. Fulbright on the various subjects of sex and our society but I think she has missed the boat on this one and reveals some of her own ignorance regarding sex and relationships among the faith community. She assumes that all who call upon the name of God and/or Jesus Christ believe sex to be something evil and to be shunned except for procreation but definitley not something to be pursued for enjoyment, that is far from the truth. We beleive that sex belongs in the confines of marriage and is something to be shared intimately between husband and wife as they desire to please each other mentally, emotionally and physically. In my unprofessional opinion, it is much more emotianlly healty for a woman to know that the man she just gave her body and soul to will be there in the morning, the next day, every day, to know that she is loved and appreciated and exclusively his. Uncontrolled passions and lust almost always lead to someone being hurt or feeling used even in marriage and you wonder why we have such a problem with drug addiction and emotional distress in our society. People are trying to hide the pain they have brought upon themselves through uncontrolled behavior. If her statement, “Besides being absolutely ridiculous, there are a number of reasons why the concept of sex addiction is nothing more than a fabrication.” is true, then the same can be said for the other token diagnosis of our day “Bi-Polar”.

I wish that your article would have been supported by more than your efforts to be as you describe yourself in your “bio” “titillating”.

As a PHD in education you obviously know the importance of supporting your comments by data and research. Interestingly enough, I experienced your article as remarkably ignorant, superficial and highly judgmental of those who might understand “dependence” differently than you do.

You missed a very real opportunity to support sexualities in their many expressions as well as the research about them and to inform others about when they may be having difficulties and to be helpful.

Your article argues, that there is no such thing as sexual “addiction,” that it is all a fabrication of self-righteous moralizers and that there is “nothing wrong with these components of healthy sexuality, as long as the interaction between two lovers is informed and consensual.”

What I thought was really interesting in your article is how you focused in on some of the “medical and counseling professionals and members of the clergy — with no background in sexuality,” and of course you are referring to Catholic clergy, it’s interesting how you singled them out. You go on to say that they “are being aggressively trained to identify and deal with a supposed issue cleverly labeled “sex addiction.” That thier goal is “to make a disease of your sex life. Moralistic and misinformed, they’re out to judge you. They’re telling you what should be sexually acceptable for you. After all, in their book, sex is dangerous. If you don’t fit their vision of sexual “wholesomeness,” then you’ve got a problem.”

The problem with your argument is that you seem to be saying that those that are “moralistic and misinformed” are saying that sex is bad. While I would agree that many now and the past have taken this moralistic view to the extremes, such as the Puritans and the Victorian period, where it was considered a scandel for a woman to even show her ankles, I believe that there is another view of sexuality that you are not aware of and I would argue, a view that does not say “sex is bad” but good, very very good and to enjoy this supreme goodness we must enjoy the fruits of this goodness within the right context and understanding of relationships.

So, we begin with the simple question: What is a Healthy view of sexuality? To adequately answer this question we must first make an argument for a proper view of sex.

I would arge that a healthy view of sex integrates the psychological, emotional, physical and life-giving or procreative potential is a comprehensive and proper view of sex. This perspective provides the only foundation for intimacy built upon mutual love and respect with a high view of humanity. Intimacy by its very nature is something deeply personal marked by the sharing of one’s innermost self, an act of unrestrained exposure to our most vulnerable physical and emotional self. For this reason a relationship rooted in mutual trust and respect proves essential to a truly fulfilling sexual experience. This would explain why, statistically speaking, married couples report feeling significantly more sexually satisfied than non-married sex partners. This is one of the principal reasons why marriage is so integral to healthy sexuality as it represents the highest level of commitment integrating persons psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is within the context of such a relationship that people discover the emotional and physical security necessary to experience true sexual freedom.

There is much more that could be said regarding marriage and its intrinsic relationship to sex. However, for the purposes of our examination of healthy sexuality, this will suffice.

The other view of sexuality, the view which you are promoting, and frankly the more pervasive view in today’s culture, is by contrast a disintegrated view separating the physical from every other aspect. Sex is reduced to mere copulation and persons are instrumentalized or viewed as objects of sexual gratification. This is a radically different view than the one I described above and serves as the basis for a whole host of negative perceptions and consequences. This view is inherently dehumanizing, reducing persons to nothing more than instrumental value. Our perceptions of men and women are brought down to their most base form as “objects” whose sole purpose is to meet the “objectifier’s” needs. This shift in thinking denies the intrinsic value of people made in the image of God and renders them less than human, fostering a low view of humanity. History has demonstrated that a society of people who have a view of others as less than human will necessarily become desensitized and indifferent leading to a culture in which the abuse of those so objectified increases. This might account for the unprecedented increase in violence against women and the epidemic rape rates in this country just in the period since the so-called sexual revolution began.

In addition, this disintegrated view of sexuality is inherently selfish and narcissistic; sex is divorced from love and relationship and instead is viewed as sport producing a conquest mentality. Intimacy has no place in such a system. Sex is no longer an act of sharing and vulnerability but simply self-centered gratification. The gratification of self above all else becomes the purpose and aim of all sexual encounters. Again, this is in sharp contrast to a proper view of human sexuality which advocates and achieves the highest satisfaction through an emphasis on the other instead of self.

Peter Kreeft summed this up well in his book How to Win the Culture War when he wrote, “ our culture does not know the difference between money and sex. It treats sex like money because it treats sex as a medium of exchange, and it treats money like sex because it expects its money to get pregnant and reproduce.”

This is the view of sexuality and human relationships that our pornographic culture promotes and idealizes to the exclusion of all others. This would explain why, in large part, pornography has such strong appeal among men because the difficult and sometimes challenging aspects of relationship are completely removed giving the viewer unabated access to sex without any prior or subsequent commitments. Couple this with the visual medium, a powerful sexual stimulant to men, and you have the makings of a potent platform for the perversion of male views pertaining to sex, relationships, and women in general.

If we want to live lives that are healthy and especially our sex to be fulfilling then wouldn’t it make since to promote a sexuality that provides the most complete and fulfilling experience that can be obtained? I leave it to the readers of my comments as to which of the above would be more fulfilling…and “who” is really misinformed.

Kenneth Henderson
http://www.TrueKnights.org

I wouldnt call it an addiction but my husband turns into an ass when he doesnt get any or doesnt have an hour to search through porn and in turn creates alot of tension in the relationship. So being it called sex addiction or not, there is some withdrawl symptoms that show up

I absolutely agree with you. People use the word “addiction” as an excuse to hide their fear of other relationship or intimacy problems. Also, there are no parameters that fit everyones situation or desires. There is nothing better in life than a positive, healthy sexual lifestyle.

I have to say she is WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY off. Anything in your life that would cause you to do something that could potentially cost you your marriage your family,and everything that is truly important in life is an addiction. When you are in the moment and not thinking about the devistating consequences and potiential ruin of your life,I would call this an addiction. No sex is not bad it is a wonderful blessing,just as food and other things that are essintial to life. However it can be used in the same manner as drugs,and alcahol and this is not healthy.

This is a well written, sex-positive article that takes the backward, oppressive ‘morality police’ head-on. Good job Yvonne K. Fulbright! We need more people in our society willing to stand up to those who use people’s insecurities and lack of information about what constitutes healthy sexual behavior as a means to control them.

Now Marrecca Fiore, you totally missed the point. Asking “Is sex addiction the real deal or just a convenient excuse used by cheaters who are caught red-handed?” is like asking someone when they stopped beating their wife. The point is not that ’sex addiction’ is an excuse used by people who aren’t dealing with their relationships in an ethical way, but that it’s a tool used by people who want our society to go back to the Puritans. Did you read the article?

Just like a marketing company can’t sell you a bottle of “You’re just fine they way you are”, many of the religious leaders in our country need to use subtle reasoning to make the human experience seem like a hopeless situation. A situation from which only some fairy god can save us. If you buy their argument and you even think about someone to whom you are not married ( and that person must be a member of the opposite sex, by the way ) in a sexual way , then you have already sinned and need divine intervention. ( Matthew 5:28 )

That’s nonsense! The range of human sexuality is diverse, rich and vibrant. It should be celebrated and cherished, not stuffed in a box of shame and fear.

P.S. Yes, I quote scripture. I’ve read every page of the Bible several times over. I have been trained as a Christian evangelical minister and know all of the self-referential arguments that the scriptures offer. I now use my training to reason with people and help them get out from under the control of these oppressive organizations whenever I can.

As a grieving wife, I could not disagree more with this article. My marriage has been in serious trouble, due to my husbands addition to pornography. He was so accustomed to the “high, the thrill” of porn, he did not have the energy, he could not connect with me, his wife.

For the first 3 years of our marriage, we had sex 12 times. I begged, cried, pleaded, and he was the one saying “I have a headache”. I felt like a sister, like a room mate. I tried everything I knew of to get his attention. I thought of having an affair, but I did not want “just sex” I wanted emotional intimacy with my husband.

After several counselors, finally the light of day was shined, that he was so used to the porn, he could not get excited about being intimate with his wife. We are still working through this issue, and will be for probably our entire marriage. It means, accountablility, honesty, compassion and mercy. Just like if you were married to an alcoholic.

We are both in counseling, and thankful that our town has support groups available for both of us. Him, to gain control over this area, and to realize all of the addiction ramifications. The group for me focuses on the simple fact, that I only have control of myself.

The stories I hear from the other women, I wish you could sit in and listen. You would not write this is a crock. It is ruining the American Family.

This self proclaimed expert does not know what she is talking about. Brain scans of sex addicts and drug addicts are identical. She needs to do more research.

Just shut up and enjoy it! no need to argue about something so humanly natural.

Interesting article. I think that we in this society have an over active sex drive. If we spent half the money that porn takes in on medical research what cures could we have found? I know that that is pie in the sky thinking, but. I agree to fall prey to the idea of being a sex addict is as you have stated, a crock. It boils down to self control. We always want excuses for wonton behavior that we will fall for any concept that is promoted by some one we respect.

This is probably the most honest article on this subject I have ever read. Just remember, if you think that the truth is important and that it should be told honestly, you can never be a journalist in today’s world.
Good luck and thank you.
Bud Stafford

Yvonne — Thank you for your succinct, intelligent and informed comments on the farcical notion of “sex addiction.” The charlatans and guilt mongers who have promoted this nonsense should have your column, and this particular article, as required reading. The notion of “sex addiction” in humans makes about as much sense as “oxygen addiction.” In any case, too many folk have been guilted into believing they are some type of addict, when all they really are is normal humans who, like everyone else, need to understand and control their quite natural desires. As a professor, and one who is also religious, I hope that more reasoned approaches to sexuality, such as your observations, will become more the norm in religious and socialogical counselling. JC, PhD

Dr. Fulbright. Your article makes a lot of sense. Obviously, most of the people who are making comments on this article are concentrating on the their own pain points with your observations, and are not reviewing the article as a whole. The way I read it (and correct me if I’m wrong), you are not making a blanket statement, you are targeting so-called experts who have no credentials and agendas who are at odds with identifying true illnesses (for want of a better word).

I did not see you denying the existence of sexual addition or the need for people to get treatment for obcessive/compulsive behavior of any kind.

Thanks for the article.

In general I like and appreciate Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright articles. I have also visited her site. However I think she is right and wrong on this one. Dr. Fulbright ends her article saying, “Yes, there are a handful of cases where someone does have a problem – when their sexual activities are deemed more important than their relationships, work, finances, etc. But these situations are rare. And the issue isn’t sex; it’s something else.” As the professional that I believe she is I don’t know whey she said, ” “Yes, there are a handful of cases. . . But these situations are rare. And the issue isn’t sex; it’s something else.” She is right when she says the real issue isn’t sex. It is not. The sex issue is more of a symptom of deeper spiritual and emotional issues. She is right about that. But she is very wrong when she says that these issue of sex being the symptom of deeper problems are “a handful and rare”. It is anything but. It is a major problem effecting individuals, families businesses and society in general. It leads to many marital breakups, it makes personal problems even more complicated, it contributes to sexual abuse problems involving both adults and children, and the destruction of lives. Though “sexual addiction” may be a misnomer, “unhealthy sexual obsession” is epidemic in our day and doing much damage.

One other thing, usually people who go for help because the think they are “sex addicts”, if they go to a good counselor, deeper at the heart of their addictions are usually addressed. This has become a major problem effect society in our day. Ask some of our politicians.

I agree with your comments completely. The ‘Sex Addict’ label’s only purpose is to justify a person’s errant behavior or cover up the fact they have a personality disorder. I’m sure if you took a poll in the U.S. a majority of people would desire to have various sexual encounters with a variety of other people (maybe some not with people – who knows). However the average person has the ability to balance their actions with the consequenses of those actions which allows them to control their behavior. The ‘Sex Addict’ is lacking this ability. However, I believe, this lack of control doesn’t entitle them to be included in the addict fraternity and is more of a personality disorder. For some people their personality disorder may be demonstrated by becomming ingrossed in sexuality, maybe the next person can’t stop texting, the next person can’t stop gambling, the next person can’t stop playing video games, the next person can’t get off of the internet, and so on.

Off topic, why haven’t you found someone to commit to in marriage or do you just choose not to wear a ring? I would think that someone with your educational background would be in the position to select the perfect mate.

Dr. Fulbright,

I am a college educated man. But I don’t claim to be the smartest guy in the world – especially on this subject. I have deferred to your formal education in this area and have gained a bit of knowledge since your articles first began appearing on Fox’s website. Thank you for that.

I’m afraid I have to take exception over the content and tone of your latest article. I am a man of faith with deeply held convictions and have been for 30+ years. Many times however, I have not lived by those convictions as I should have. The tone of your latest article goes over the line in my opinion. There are tens of millions of people whose faith has shaped their lives and their moral character (or lack thereof). I get the impression that you assume that people who profess a certain morality on this topic are neanderthals who don’t have the intellectual honesty to see things as they are. I would be fine with the argument if it were simply a manner of semantics over which word to use (addiction or obsession). I don’t think that’s where you are coming from though?

I am a product of the 70’s. The whole “if it feels good, do it” moral relativism shaped my early life. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired – to paraphrase. I was trapped in a lifestyle of being obsessed/addicted to pornography and chronic masturbation for most of my adult life. It consumed me at times, even well into my marriage and after my children were born. In my opinion, to assume this was not abnormal on some level is simply wrong headed, even in a purely secular mindset – not to mention faith-based value set. My habit stole years from my wife. It has contributed to a lack of intimacy and prevented me from developing my marriage, my faith and nurturing my children. It has left me emotionally stunted and led to my objectifying women at all levels.

It really doesn’t matter to me what words you use, or if you’re uncomfortable with throwing around the word addiction. I believe that any sex outside of bonds of a one man/one woman marriage is outside God’s design (even if it’s just you), no matter how consenting the adults are. All I know is – I had a problem and God delivered me. I’ve been porn free for 15 months and haven’t acted out for longer than that. My wife and I are re-building the trust and intimacy that has been missing for many years. Our love life has never been like this. My final comment would be to be careful in how you characterize people who feel strongly about this topic or who feel a moral obligation to lead a certain lifestyle. It will add credibility to your argument if you stick to the physiological/psychological aspects and stay away from the moral condemnations. Thank you for your time.

You have no idea what you’re talking about. If you knew the misery I suffer from being afflicted with the REAL disease of addiction, you’d have never written this article. This is a slap in the face to the (at least) thousands of people in the world whose lives have become absolutely unmanagable as a result of this addiction. If not for the SA organization and my faith in God, I’d probably be dead right now.

What’s to say the sexpert isn’t generalizing her behavior to everyone else? Suppose that many people have a true desire not to spend their lives seeking mere physical gratification (e.g. people who are faithful to their spouses). The sex liberals want everyone to ignore that. As you mention, clergy and counselors can’t ignore it. They are in the business of helping.

You may not be in love when your having sex, but you might as well do it in the dark or put a paper bag over your head. You have no interest in the person. Sex becomes just another commodity that you selfishly bend to your will. Oh, that sounds like morals or ethics. You believe that there is no such thing? Wait and see how your life turns out.

I was shocked to read this article. Yes, much of the world is growing increasingly cavalier about sex, but there is no excuse for anyone (especially a supposed professional) to dismiss harmful behavior. Use whatever term you like, but when people feel so compelled to do something that it interferes with their daily lives they have a problem whether it is sexual behavior, drugs or obsessively washing their hands. Religious beliefs aside this article is way off, and I’m pleased to see so many comments of who recognize that. Dr. Fulbright, you deal with a very sensivite and imortant subject. Please consider it more carefully before you write you next article.

….And she prooves it! Denial really is the first stage of addiction. Hopefully she doesn’t lead many others to justify the misery in their lives. There is just so much more to life…

While I wont take the bait and nit-pick over the word ‘addict’, the sad truth is many people turn behaviors that are otherwise healthy (or amoral at best) into pain-killers. This often includes our sexuality. Humans tend to gravitate toward a pain killer that is readily available and socially acceptable for them. Sex, like a drug or alcohol for example, can provide a distraction to pain, rejection, insecurities, emotional wounds, etc. Our sexuality is a very powerful gift, that I believe is intended to united two people in a very deep way to establish oneness, permanency, and openness. Because of immaturity, selfishness, or use of sex like a numbing drug, we often do not get to experience all sex was intended to be. Because of this tendency, many people break themselves further. They sexually undermine themselves by adding another layer of dysfunctional behavior on top of a wound. After reading your article, I come away with a sad feeling that you are somehow missing the obvious. Sex is a whole lot more than informed interchange between two loving, consenting adults… and it has a whole lot of power for good or destruction in each of them. Is everyone an addict? I don’t think so. Are there many people wounded and using sex as a dysfunctional behavior? Absolutely- I see it every day in my counseling practice. Could someone repeatedly return to sexual activity to kill other pain in their life while never addressing the root cause of the pain? You bet. So what does the DSM-IV say about that? To get a more informed, healthy perspective on sex, you should study under Dr. Douglas Rosenau. Or at least read his books. He’s been doing this for 40 years.

Folks, I feel like that this woman is very much on the money, and that many of you have missed the idea of the article. I see this article as a piece that is pointing out that of those out there who claim a sexual dependence, that really the issue is not sex at all but the idea of instant gratification and a show of power, and sex just happens to be the vehicle.

You won’t get me to buy into your claim that it is real, and please stop quoting studies of this and that, you should all be well aware that these studies have a purpose…to show one idea over another, meaning complete bias. For every argument that some people have this “sex addiction” I could probably with little effort find articles and studies that show that it’s not the sex, it’s the idea of control and power.

Lastly, stop using God as your guide in this matter….again you are completely biased by a crowd control discipline. It is a boring and transparent attempt to heap your fundamentally flawed reasoning and beliefs on me….again, I am not buying it.

So, without reading many of these posts, can now a RAPIST just say…”well I was addicted to sex” when it has been well establshed that RAPE is about power and control and harm, not about sex. If your ideas about sex addiction are true, there can be no rape….or was it the sugar in a twinkie.

Submitted by a free thinking man who understands choice, reasoning and consequence. Please stop branding everyone to fit into your definition of “normal”. I thought Witch Hunting was outlawed?!

Like Diane I agree that there is no sexual addiction. My 2nd wife and I are having serious sex issues. She doesnt even think about anything sexual until she’s pretty drunk. By then, I am also intoxicated and cant perform like I wish. Plus, she really just lays there. She doesn’t touch me much and although we had pretty good sex while we dated, it’s just the same way as it was with my first wife, although she didn’t even drink. She always jokingly calls me a “pervert”. But I know she means it. I am not into anything like pain or that stuff. My desires are not perverted. I like women. I like to see them, watch them, smell them. I love the scent of a woman. I love women. I was in my first marraige for 11 years. It took me that long to realize I was married to someone who is afraid of or had a bad experience.

I am beginning to realize my drive to have intamacy with a woman is perfectly natural. It’s the natural instinct within us. It’s stronger in some than others.
Anyway, I am really one frustrated man. We have had sex only once this year. She even tells me to go find some strange when she’s mad because I brought it up. Then she makes me feel guilty for wanting it so much. But I am a fairley attractive man with a normal income. She needs some who thinks the same way she does. Several of other women have told me when there was a sexual attraction and energy between her and me. So, should I not just go for it. And be happy?

My first wife declared that I was a sex addict “had me believing it”. This was so much easier to pass along to the kids what an evil person I was during our break up. My first wife and I had no sexual relationship so yes I did outside the house and that was just fine with her as long as it stayed away. During and after our breakup I went to therapist and SAA meeting to resolve my
issues. After about a year I stopped going and decided to be my own person. When I got involved with the woman who is now my wife; she was so important to me that there was no way
I was ever going to do anything to jepordize my relationship with her and after several years
I still feel the same way.

I’m so lucky to have found my sole mate.

I think the sex addiction craze is just a pendulum swing from the years of anything goes sexuality that exploded in the 60’s and 70’s. With the growth of STDs and the media focus on emotional and physical abuse in aberrant sexual practices this swing towards defining and addressing sexual mores was certain to happen. Wait long enough and it will all swing back again even though balance and moderation would be the healthiest of all solutions.

Dr. Yvonne is so very far out of line. She is wrong on this point.

There are people whose sexuality manifests itself in unhealthy behaviors in an uncontrollable manner. Sex becomes uncontrollable and unhealthy. The term addiction has been used to describe this situation. Additionally, there is a chemical release of endorphins in the brain during sexual arousal and orgasm. These endorphins have an opiate effect. It has been clearly established in the medical community that these endorphins can have addictive properties and lead to uncontrollable desire for continued use (release).

I am sure she is capable of reading the overwhelming medical data that clearly shows that what is commonly termed “sexual addiction” is a very real problem for many people. This leads me to concur that her disbelief is this problem is purely monetary and selfish.

While I don’t have the “Sex Expert” title bestowed upon Dr. Yvonne, I have probably studied the subject of “sexual addiction” far more so than Dr. Yvonne. My career in the scientifc community has given me a better grounding in the chemical understanding of the subject. Dr. Yvonne’s background is in psychology, sociology and education. These are not backgrounds that will provide the knowledge to understand the chemical dependency of endorphins as they relate to the human body. Additionally, while I do not like the term “addiction” I happen to be a person whose sexuality has manifested itself in an uncontrollable manner. I am living proof that such a condition exists. I am just one of many people with such a problem.

William Henderson

******
From Wikipedia:
Endorphins are endogenous opioid polypeptide compounds. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during strenuous exercise [1],[2], excitement, and orgasm[3]; and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a sense of well-being. Endorphins work as “natural pain killers”, whose effects may be enhanced by other medications.

The term “endorphin” implies a pharmacological activity (analogous to the activity of the corticosteroid category of biochemicals) as opposed to a specific chemical formulation. It consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean “a morphine-like substance originating from within the body.” [1]

*****************

Hey Brian.
What would you do if you were not in love with your wife? Could you still have sex with her in the dark or a bag over her head. Don’t know about you, but it’s not just sexual gratification. Maybe it is the highest form of a connection between 2 humans. And I always have an interest in the person I’m with. She is my focus and if we are the same way, She enjoys both giving and recieving as I do as well.

I have morals and ethics. They just arent the same as yours. I’m not saying I’m right about anything. This all opinion, and I think you should lighten up a bit. It would probably help your marriage.

How is consensual sex harmful behavior. Look at from other views. Not just your own.

As a self proclaimed “sex addict” since my first time. I think that sex addiction is a crock. From the first time when I got married and through 20 years of marriage I couldn’t get enough…..then, quite by accident…(read “lost control when I placed myself in a bad situation”) had a one night affair….and haven’t wanted any since.

Where did my “addiction” go? was I cured? sex is simply something you want. It can be turned on and off, it just depends on the person. I recognize that this is 100% psychological. But it comes down to what the person wants. This doesn’t discount the psychological “addiction” of porn or other things.

for those that want to wallow in blaming somebody or something else for their inability to control themselves…keep in mind the DEFINITION of terms. addiction is a physiological term not psychological. Then again, red could really mean blue and I am too slow to keep up with modern society.

Sex addiction is a fad, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real. If a person feels that their sexual activity is “out of control” or to frequent, then it is. Just because a promiscuous sex life works for some people, and I’d argue that it really doesn’t, doesn’t mean that everyone can handle it. No one can call someone else a sex addict unless it is obvious that sex is interfering with there lives, but a person can decide that they are a sex addict and seek help.

That said, I find your portrayal of “members of the clergy” as villains in this story offensive. Church pastors are trained to talk to people about there problems. If a person comes to a pastor and asks for counseling on sex addiction, why shouldn’t the pastor be trained to talk to them? Should the pastor turn them away and say, “I’m sorry, we don’t talk about sex here”?

Second, your definition of a “Healthy sexuality” is terrifying.

The “bad” fantasies people have;
– I agree, a bad fantasy is one that your partner isn’t wiling to try.

The ability to enjoy sex without being in love;
–Why? A massive amount of the pleasure derived from sex is centered in your love for your partner. Sex without love is like a computer without a power cord, what’s the point?

The lust for power during sexual exchanges;
–Never heard of this one before, but it sounds domineering, and not for the mutual enjoyment of your partner.

The wanton sexual expectations people have from time to time.
–This can be tied back to the fantasies issue. If your partner doesn’t share your expectations, maybe you should talk to them and find out why. Sexual compatibility is a legitimate concern, some people want more sex than other, and it needs to be agreed upon.

The definition of healthy sexuality has and will always be with a person you love in a consenting, monogamous relationship. Whatever you agree to do with your partner is your business, as long as it doesn’t involve un-consenting parties or anything illegal.

Dear Ms. Fullbright:

Just because you are a “sex educator” “relationship columnist” and wrote a book about masturbating doesn’t give you any credibility to declare that sex addiction does not exist!

What is even more ridiculous is your assertion that religious leaders have “no right” to make moral judgments! HELLO! This is the entire purpose of a spiritual leader!

Its astonishing that you can ignore the impact that our sexual choices, behaviors, and actions have on the human soul. Anyone with real-life experience and wisdom has learned that there are definitely right and wrong sexual behaviors.

Your “anything goes” hedonistic philosophy has been disproved by countless millions of broken souls, marriages, families, and societies throughout thousands of years of human history. Sadly you obviously haven’t studied sexuality’s role in the destruction of cultures and societies; versus the peace, prosperity, and health that proper exercise of sexuality has brought to individuals, families, and communities who had the proper moral code to guide them.

You might want to check it out and get out of your narrow circle of post-modern metropolitan know-it-all friends & associates–they are obviously deluded.

Ben

Hebrews 13:4 clearly says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

Preachers don’t get to decide sexual morality, God has already done that. You seems to be insinuating that preachers are narrow-minded about sex. But, we are commanded to preach God’s message (2 Timothy 4:2). If we are honest, we will.

As far as the question of whether or not sexual addiction exists, I do not know. I do know that I was angered by the fact that in your article you strayed from sexual health and attempted to define sexual morality.

Let me be straight with you. You have no bussiness telling us that behaviors such as sexual contact without being in love (much less married) are completely healthy. While sexual thoughts of this kind may be common for any healthy adult, acting on them is not. That’s my belief. You stated your beliefs as though they were well-researched facts. This is the problem. Stay out of the realm of sexual morality.

I think it’s very important to distinguish between sexual addiction and sexual brokenness. They are two very different things. When someone struggles with sexual brokenness, usually because of some sort of trauma or abuse, they use sexual activities in unhealthy ways. You are right that sex isn’t the issue, it is something deeper.

If you are a believer of Christianity, these unhealthy sexual activities include masturbating while looking at pornography or fantasizing about someone other than your spouse, visiting strip clubs or adult book stores, phone sex or actual infidelity if you are married. Christians believe that sex is a sacred, God given right for a man and woman who have committed themselves to marriage. To participate in any kind of activity that gives you sexual pleasure outside of your marriage bed is not only damaging to your marriage and intimacy but a sin.

Being the wife of a man who struggles with pornography and sexual brokenness I can tell you that it is an addiction. There is preoccupation, shame and guilt after acting out and the ever present give up and try hard phase that is associated with addicts. He has used sexual encounters to make himself feel better. And, while he has a choice, he struggles because past experiences have told him that he will get a fix of feeling better if he acts out sexually. There are actual chemical reactions that happen when a man masturbates or has a sexual experience. It is that high, however temporary, that they are looking for.

I agree that there are men who blatantly misuse the term sexual addiction to make excuses for their sexual trists or infidelities. There are also men out there who are genuinely struggling to free themselves from the guilt and shame of activities that you deem “normal”. It is quite offensive and damaging for you to label a pastor’s efforts to free a man from the false belief of sexual acts making him feel better as bogus and a crock. I think you should do a little bit more research.

While I wouldn’t go so far as calling sex addiction a “crock,” I do agree that our eagerness to label everything an addiction can have the tendency to diminish responsibility for our actions.

However, Dr. Fulbright would do best to stay within the bounds of her discipline, and not make a silly jump from statistical evidence to moral pronouncements. Just because many people do masturbate, “have sex without being in love,” and frequently indulge in sexual fantasies, does not lead to the conclusion that these are “components of healthy sexuality.”

Having been married to a sex addict, your article is totally and completely way off. For example, my now ex’s addiction was:
1. Masterbation numerous times a day (in fact he couldn’t even NOT masterbate for 3 days to have a sperm count done)
2. Cyber sex in chat rooms, emails, messenger or even while playing online video games (ie. WOW, EQ. He was even heading toward younger and younger females.
3. Having women send him their “used” panties in the mail
4. Pornography
5. Telephone sex
6. Real life affairs

Like any addiction, this is progressive through the list. Why? Because the chemical released during orgasm is a “high” and they truly can’t live without it. Imagine what it would do to your child to have them walk in on Daddy masterbating since it doesn’t matter what time of day or night.

You’re lucky you’ve never had to live with someone with these problems. If you had, trust me…you would believe.

I’m glad there are some of you upset and offended by this article, as was I. However, I want to object that what is wrong with the label “sex addict,” is that it avoids the question of moral agency. Yes, there are addictions/dependencies (no need for semantic debate at this juncture); yet, these addictions are more often than not a product of our mistaken choices. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to reverse the tide of mistaken, disordered choices with well-placed positive choices, which can undo what remains from our addictive tendencies. Yet, there are two types of addictions that we get into that are not so easy from which to extricate ourselves, viz. food and sex. The healthy human person is the one who eats and has sex in ways that are healthy. For most people, celibates aside, sexual activity is a normal, and should be a healthily ordered, part of their human existence. Yet, the person who has fallen in with, say, pornography is going to face terrible struggles on the way to an ordered sexual life. Why? Because, the result from the use of pornography is what Pamela Paul calls pornification, i.e., the lasting effect of pornographic use is to see others in pornographic terms. Even in the monogamous marital relation, a person who is pornified will struggle to view his wife without reverting to seeing her as a sex object. This lasting effect is what I would allow to be called a sex addiction. Yet, I don’t believe that this is some sort of preconditioned genetically causative condition. Rather, we get ourselves to the place where we are malformed in our sexual development because of our improper choices. Choices, I’m afraid to say, which are usually advocated in this column. I think this column does a disservice to humanity and to people everywhere. The answer is a life of sexuality that is focused on the two basic goods of sex, namely unity and life. A sex life which aims at uniting a couple and welcoming new life into the world is one that will truly allow for human flourishing. Perhaps sex addicts of all kinds can find help in pursuing small actions consistent with these goals. For we get ourselves into trouble one small act at a time, and we will get ourselves out, one small act at a time.

This topic is as controversial and explosive as that of racism and unfortunately, I believe, is being dealt with the same way…with anger, misinformation and superficiality. I’m just glad that Fox News or it’s so-called “sexperts” are not the final word on this topic. It appears that with the stroke of a few computer keys, Fox has invalidated thousands and possibly millions of people who struggle with this addiction. First of all, I would never allow the psychiatric community to be the lone authority on matters of the soul, when for the most part they refuse to accept the fact that God exist and that He alone, with no solicitation of Freud’s insights, both created mankind and holds the key to the restoration of mankind.
We have been told that there is no real help for those that they designate sexual addicts, yet they offer treatment for them. The hypocrisy is obvious. This just means they don’t have the answer or cure. Secondly, many who declare sexual addition to be a farce suffer from the very disease they deny exist and are currently involved in internet pornography, soft and hardcore mags and x-rated movies. We live in an addicted society where purveyors of porno have been mainstreamed (i.e.Hugh Hefner) This is actually the nature of the addiction. It’s called DENIAL. Guilt and shame is what drives the illness. Secrecy is to sexual addicts what covert operations is to the CIA… they need it to function.

Pastor Ted Roberts, author of “Pure Desire; how one man’s triumph over his greatest struggle can help others break free”, calls the internet the crack cocaine of sexual addition. I suffered from this dreaded affliction for years until God delivered me and began the process of making me whole. I have been actively on the journey to sexual purity for eight years now and am a supporter of all who have summoned the courage to address this sickness of the soul with honesty, faith and hope. So please, be careful when you answer quickly, without thoughtful consideration. You invalidate the experience of many struggling to be set free from the control,guilt, shame and fear of this disease and promote the unwarranted ridicule of the uniformed.

I am simply surprised at the anger that seems to be coming out in this article. The Dr. is entitled to her opinion of course, but it in this case she seems to be simply ranting about a pet peeve of hers rather than presenting any evidence for her argument. To attack clergy and other degreed professionals AND the many marriages suffering from sex issues comes off very arrogant. I would be interested to see in further articles if she can site any evidence at all outside of her personal experience and moral opinions related to this issue.

Whew! Thank goodness I’m not a sex addict after all! Now, if I can just deal with my food/water/air addictions . . ..

And to the guy who was into internet porn and thus fancied himself a sex addict, I can only say this: The correct term for your condition is not “addiction.” It’s pronounced “boredom.” Get enough meaningful things to fill your day, like a career and relationships, and your “addiction” will take care of itself. You have a choice in how you spend your time. Convince yourself that you don’t, and you’ll continue to lead a bleak and unfulfilling existence.

I am glad that you are writing about the so called sex addicts. I have always felt that this is nonsence, however I didn’t have enough knowledge in order to back it up.
Regarding your comments on the moral side of the issue, I believe that you are way off. You claim that certain activities are healthy, however I would argue that if an activity is moral adverse then it will be bad for your health in some way. That, afterall is what defines something as morally wrong. An action is not necessarily immoral just because God says so. It is immoral because it damages relationships. Acts of love will never damage a relationship while acts of power, pride, disrespectfulness, lust and selfishness will always damage a relationship, weather it is with your loved one, yourself or God. The damage may not be so severe that it is consciously felt but it is there nontheless. In this way immoral actions are unhealthy, emotionaly, mentally, possibly physically and most importantly spiritually.

Ridiculous! Sexual addiction is a real problem, and of course the underlying root isn’t the sex, just like any addiction. And to say that sex isn’t physiological is nonsense. This is why people lose their jobs for viewing pornography at work, even after repeated warnings, because they are stuck in a cycle of addiction. From all the news stories, it doesn’t seem to be as rare as the sexpert claims. As with any addiction, there are choices involved, and the addiction never excuses hurtful actions. I am a pastor, and I have never said sex is a bad thing… In fact, I regularly tell people it is one of the greatest things God created. However, I disagree with this “everybody should do their own thing” mentality. It is destructive to say that I can do anything I feel like sexually and not reap consequences both emotionally and physically. Fulbright needs to take a more nuanced approach, and if she is going to make an assertion like this, maybe she should talk to some real people whose lives have been destroyed by sexual dependence.

Dr. Fulbright,

You are guilty of the Straw Man Logical falicy. You have attempted to take the weakest arguments for sexual addiction, disprove them, and proclaim yourself correct and thousands of men and women wrong. By definition a sexual addict is someone who has become disfunctional in performing day to day tasks. For example, a man who is fired from his job for not showing up on time because he is constantly stopping by the XXX store before work. Or other men who actually cause damage to their penis because they mastrubate so often every day. Examples such as these and other examples including women are more common than you claim. I have talked to many people like this, and I, at one time, was one of these people. You remind me of the doctors who used to proclaim that alchoholism was a myth.

I agree with very little this author has to say about the addiction people have with sex. As a counselor, I see plenty of clients who firmly believe they are addicted to sex. You said in your article something like “Who are they to tell us what is excessive?” I would say the same back to you, who are you to say someone is NOT addicted to something? Any counselor worth their salt knows that if someone perceives themselves a certain way, then they ARE that way. It does not matter much what I think or try to convince them of in regard to their perceptions. Through the process of thinking things through with them, hopefully they can realize they are more in control of their lives and decisions than they are currently perceiving. Be careful what you call “bogus”. For some poeple, it’s their reallity, no matter what you might think.

This is SO enlightening and interesting. As an adult male (40-something), a recovering alcoholic, and active user of porn and erotic chat/email, I “indulge myself” as often as 8-10 times every week! And, I can absolutely attest to the validity of two components of this story: (1) There is no negative, physiological consequence that I suffer when I abstain from self-indulgence in sexual-oriented behavior, as compared to times past, when suffering (sometimes in a hospital bed, strapped down) from alcohol withdrawal. And, (2) there are very long-term ramifications when conservative parents influence their children in such a way as to cause them to believe that otherwise normal sexual activities are “bad”. These ramifications still, to this day, are evident in my life, and, I’m sure, in the lives of many others.
Great piece! Thanks!

Wow….I have never read such an ignorant ‘expert’ opinion. After reading your limited understanding of the nature of sexual addiction, I can only hope others too can see it’s superficiality. Before giving a supposed medical opinion on behalf of the ‘medical world’, I would suggest educating yourself more on the topic discussed. From personal experince-sexual addicts can undergo physical withdrawal from the ceasing of masturbation causing a physically painful ‘d.t.’ experience. There is a chemical and biological response to orgasm that the body becomes addicted to at ever higher dosages just like an external drug. The body attempts to escalate the tolerated dosage through a variety of arousal means. I’m just surpised you didn’t know any of that.

This article is only addressing one part of the conundrum, whether or not people have what is deemed by some to be “normal” sex lives. In no way is that an indication of whether or not someone is a “sex addict”. Nothing in the article addresses what sex addiction truly is defined as. Instead, the author attempted to use moral judgement as an indicator of sex addition. This is pompous – and incorrect.

Like a drug, some people use sex when they feel low to elate themselves and feel good. This is not about enjoying sex without love, nor is it about what sexual activity they choose to participate in to feel this way. It is about using sex to “medicate” with their own natural mood enhancer.

I do not cast judgement on people who are addicted to sex any more than I would cast judgement on someone who is addicted to food, drugs, cigarettes or alcohol. However, certainly people abuse all of these things to soothe, cover, or compensate for other deficiencies in their lives. What is interesting is that all of these things can be natural, enjoyable – even necessary in some instances (food, procreation), but there is no doubt people can use them in an unhealthy and self-destructive manner,

In this way, sex can – and is – a potentially addictive behavior.

This is has to be the most uninformed position I’ve ever heard on this or any subject dealing with compulsive behavior. Forget about the word “addiction” if it bothers you. Lets just talk about the compulsive nature of people who do things they don’t want to do, don’t do the things they want to do, and can’t seem to find the balance in their own lives to handle whatever has begun to drive the bus and removes their power to choose.

If your reasoning is true then there are no alcoholics, no eating disorders (after all, people can decide how much, when and what they eat, right?), compulsive gamblers or spenders, etc. What a simple cut and dried world it would be if that were true. Have you ever been to a 12 step meeting of any kind at all? Powerlessness is not minimized in these groups nor is it a bunch of victims. It is a group of people who are taking steps to take responsibility for things they do which hurt themselves and the ones they love, and in some cases innocent people they don’t even know.

I guess you must have a pretty fast revolving door at your office if you practice privately because anyone’s issues would be pretty much summed up and treated with a very concise and simple “STOP IT”, (along with a bill for around 250 bucks I’d guess).

The crock in this article is not “sex addiction”. The real crock here is that you are dismissing the pain and anguish of many, many individuals, couples, and families by painting any dysfunction in such broad, almost cartoon-esque strokes.

Remind me if I find myself at a place in my life where I feel out of control it is just my own hang-ups talking. I’ll just kick back the recliner, pop in the porn and have another whiskey and soda regardless of whether I need to get to work, ignore my family, or live a life of any value to anyone else.

Again

Your the one thats said “Oh, that sounds like morals or ethics. You believe that there is no such thing? Wait and see how your life turns out.”

My life is good.
I’ll repeat ;
I have morals and ethics. They just arent the same as yours. I’m not saying I’m right about anything. This all opinion, and I think you should lighten up a bit. It would probably help your marriage.

I’ll bet you are a blast at a party. I don’t care how many times you have it with your wife. I don’t want to know, But is it enough for you. If not, I think the couple have issues.

And by the way, don’t tell me to stay out of anything.
Have a wonderful night

Peace

This is article is basically saying it’s ok to to look at porn all day and masturbate all day becuase sex as no boundaries. I’m sorry there are bounderies to sex. Some sexual behaivor and fantasies are unhealthy. How about the man who fantisied about raping killing and eating a child? He actually went through with it, but what if he never did? Then it’s a just a healthy sexual fantasy according to you. As a victim of sexaul addiction, I can say it’s real and it destroys relationships and rips your heart to pieces. I take it that I can find your profile on adult friend finder.

This article is a crock.

This woman is obviously a democrat. Go with what’s popular Dr. whatever.

Thank you, I was beginning to think the whole world was insane. Nice to hear a level-headed argument for something that the “moralists” et al seem to think is wrong and dirty. I really believe these people must have guilt the size of the rock of Gibralter. Can they enjoy anything fun or do they derive their fun from making everyone else feel guilty?

Thank you, I was begining to think every one in the world was insane. What happends between two consenting adults is ALRIGHT whether it meets with someone elses moral fiber or not. I’m sick of people trying to dictate morality to others. Remember the golden rule and live and let live. This article has nothing to do with bestialty, molestation, rape or anything else that would harm another individual. If you need to masterbate or have sex 1000 times a day with someone willing and you can do it in private, who cares? Those individuals should not have to feel guilty because others are too repressed to enjoy a natural biological need. Whether you like it or not your body was created to have sex. That’s why men and women have parts that readily connect. Enjoy life because pretty soon it will be over.

I’m really surprised at your self-righteous commentary about sex addiction. While it’s laughable that these ridiculous politicians will say and do anything to spin the story when their hands are caught in the cookie jar, your generalizations are wrong. I expect better from an “expert”. Sexual addiction, as it pertains to genuine manifestations, is every bit as real as any other addiction. Key factors are sexual and ego repression, brought about at critical times in development. Like say, adolescence. You probably need to read a bit more before you begin the generalizations. Sure, the politicians are full of crap and they simply got caught. I applaud you for identifying this. Now if you can get in tune with sexual dysfunction to the same degree that you cheapen male sexuality, you’d be going somewhere. Mike Baker is pretty good at identifying a “load of crap” when he sees it. You could learn quite a bit from him.

I 100% agree! Too many people use this ficticious affliction to justify their promiscious behavior. I have a nother word for these so called “sex addicted” people and it rhymes with…… “score”. Just my opinion

You “co-called” sex expert is quite ignorant about sex apparently. There has been a great deal of research about sexual compulsions (additions). Dr. Patrick Carnes, for example, is one of the leaders in the field (though his views on masturbation are ridiculous) .

We have a support group, Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiction Recovery, with several hundred men and women who are not able to control their sexual urges in an appropriate way by themselves. We have helped many of our members to regain their dignity and mastery over lust, which is the core of sexual compulsions.

Sexual activity can be subject to the same bio-chemistry in the brain as any compulsive behavior (OCD) and can certainly become an “infused habit” that causes pain, suffering, social problems, marital problems, work problems, and sometimes even legal problems.

This is quite real and it is offensive to see a so-called expert whose primary interest is ratings of her column and work rather than science, and even more importantly, compassion to the very real problems of people.

Shame on her, and shame on Fox News. We Report, You decide is the Fox motto. Well, this is not reporting and we decided that Miss Fulbright, despite her “credentials” is not worthy to be an adviser on sexual matters and will relate that to our Internet readers.

I can understand why you would so easily label sexual addiction as nothing more than imagination. Sadly, this too was the case with Alchohol Addiction not so many years ago. It took thousands of destroyed families and lives before Alchohol “dependence” became a recognized and very destructive condition. While you can smuggly write of the physical aspects that define an addiction, you fail to recognize or understand the psychological, and emotional aspects of addiction in any form.

This is such a broader issue than merely enjoying kinky sex at a high frequency. It is a more deeply destructive matter than some religious or political types imposing their morals on others. I realize that sexuality is the modern God, and getting it off anyway you want is the new Free Speech. However, the impact on people who can no longer operate normally because of their dependence on sexual stimulation in its many forms is devastating.

I found your article horribly unprofessional, and completely devoid of having actually invested time to understand Sexual Addiction. Instead, you sit dissassociated in your windowed office, pull up your facts on Google, and look for facts to support your liberal opinions. Could it be that if “Sexual Addiction” really does exist and it is negatively affecting peoples lives just like alchohol and drug dependence it might mean the endless tidal wave of sexual deviance might have a dark side to it? That would mean something could be “wrong” and that visual orgy that is the televesion and Internet might actually be hurting some people.

I do not say these things as a disinterested party. I spent 27 years in denial about severe sexual abuse suffered as a child. To deal with the internal pain and guilt I buried my self in hypersexuality. By the time I graduated from High School I had well over 46 sexual partners (female and male). I had been in 3 group sex scenarios. I woke up in the morning thinking about sex, and fell asleep thinking about it everyday.

I reached a point as a grown man where the need to maintain a stable home for my family of 7 and feed my need came in conflict. I spent money I didn’t have, I stole from my family to get my “visual and phsyical” fix. I would masterbate until I was raw on a weekly basis and have sex daily with my wife. Try and maintain a stable home living like that. Ultimately, the internet, and the prostitutes, and the strippers just weren’t real enough. I had an ongoing affair with a coworker who fit my image of the perfect porn girl.

My marriage of 16 years was nearly destroyed. I crushed my wife and I devastated her trust in me. My oldest daughter and son were so distraught they plummetted from top performing students to failing almost all of their classes. I was so engrossed, I was willing to destroy everything in my world for a fantasy I had built and fed for 20+ years. The whole time I wanted to stop so bad. When my wife was on her knees before me sobbing with her head in my lap; I wanted to stop sooo bad, but the pull of sex was stronger than I could think.

The fact is I couldn’t walk by, or talk to any woman I met without imagining her undressed and having sex with me. Their looks, personalities, and attributes became irrelevant. It became impossible to relate to women as anything other than objects for physical gratification. This was not something you just “decide to stop”. I was trapped and the emotional, mental, and physical pull of it was overwhelming… I was and am an addict (dependent).

By grace from above I made it into an SA group. I learned how to break free of the behaviors that were destroying my life. I still make mistakes (on a regular basis), but now this thing does not drive my everyday. I can look at women finally and see them as incredible valuable creative and worthy of respect. I can now have sex with my wife and not see hundreds of other womens’ faces. I can enjoy sex for what it really is and not some effort to validate myself or fill a black hole emotionally. I still have to be careful, because I can go back into the darkness so fast but I am at peace now. That hasn’t been there for years.

Scientists are not emotionally connected to the outcome. They only seek truth. Before you so flippently dismiss the suffering and the pain of others can I recommend you do some thorough research. Get up close and meet these people (addicts) and their families (the victims) that you are writing off. Do you have the courage to really understand this issue, or is it easier to simply issue uninformed and disconnected opnions?

I am saddened to see how fiercely the possibility of sexual addiction is. Reminds me of the global warming or the evolution conversations…if your point is so rock solid, why so upset about the other side. How many marriages have been ruined because of infidelity? How many people have fallen into dangerous lifestyles because of being sexually abused, most of the time with the use of pornography.

Speaking from personal experience, if my husband and I could have a do-over, we both wish we could have presented ourselves as virgins to one another. There is so much baggage that one needs to wade through.

Years ago I heard the analogy of virginity and duck tape. The first few times you stick and unstick duck tape it will still hold. But one day, after sticking and unsticking the tape, when you find something you really like, it probably won’t hold.

Old fashioned? You bet! Do I care? Not at all. I know this is out of touch with the mainstream ideas, but for me, the Bible is pretty clear. Sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong.

Dr. Fulbright
You have your head screwed on right. Addiction is not the problem it is lack of self respect and respect of others. Many of the so called addicts use it as an excuse. Some even blame this “addiction” on their parents.

Dr. Fulbright
You are right. These “Addicts” are not addicts in the classical sense. They lack confidance and use the term “Addict” to hide behind. Some blame their parents.

if one’s mind is consumed with having sex and it’s affecting their job, family etc… then maybe they have an issue and need some help to balance out their thoughts. maybe addiction isn’t the right word but our language lacks many words for what really needs to be described. i think the writer of this story needs to understand sex can become a problem just like anything else when it takes over your whole thought pattern – just like drugs can etc… and in a society where sex sells everything.. it’s easy to see how people can place so much importance on sex.

You really have no idea what you are talking about.

Dr Fullbright.

You have no idea what you are talking about here. It has all been said by plenty of people before me. You are really doing a dis-service to those with a problem – all in the name of promotion of the 21st century equivalent of 1960’s free love.

Honestly, Your rant is really quite defensive and misinformed. You should attend some sex addiction groups, get to know the people involved. Faced with real live examples of what you say is “a crock” hopefully would help change your mind.

Dr Fulbright:

As a Psychologist I am suprised to see you use your credentials in such an irresponsible manner. If you are after making a name for yourself, why don’t you do it repsonsibly? It makes me very sad to see you appear so ignorant. Sexual Addiction is real, and just as alcoholics had to suffer the stigma of being different years ago, now too do sex addicts. Perhaps you should use your power to focus on why women are constantly objectified in the media to sell products, and why more and more young women and even girls are equating their worth with their ability to produce a sexual response in men. Also, perhaps you should look at your own abuse issues because your article smacks of the saying “Me thinks you doeth protest too much.”

You have no idea what you are talking about. Have you been there and done that. If not what you are talking about is only a theory on your part. You forgot to put in your article that 92% of all males masturbate along with 64% of all females. (This is a proven fact) I have masturbated at least once if not twice a day since age 10. Also am married and have sex at least once a day or more. Am I dependent or what ever. If I am an addict I love it. Next time go to a meeting of sex offenders in your local area and see if you can figure out what is going on. It only proves a Ph doesn’t prove a thing. Get Real.

I had to double-check the date on this thing to make sure it wasn’t put out on April 1. I thought it was an April Fool’s Joke! Honest!
For your sake, Dr. Fulbright, I am glad you have never had first hand experience with someone who is addicted to sex or porn. I have. It is real. Yes, there is a “root cause” that causes the addict to self-medicate. This addict just happened to pick sex over drugs or food or alcohol or any other more common addiction. They all give the addict a sense of control that they are looking for. They all affect brain and body chemistry.
I am sorry your lack of experience in this area has allowed you to mislead others. I hope enough people read the comments and see how real it is.

I agree with Dr. Fulbright that the correct term for sexual addiction should be something else, but couldn’t disagree more about the reality of compulsive sexual disorders. It is unfortunate, but not surprising or unexpected in the least, that Dr. Fulbright has chosen the sensationalist path in discounting what for many individuals is a true mental health disorder. She knows full well that what is meant by sexual addiction is sex as a compulsion. To pick the easy path of grammatical critique instead of addressing the nature of this disorder does a disservice to all those so affected, and only reinforces my opinion of her as selling us her views disguised as fact – that’s the real crock.

This whole thing about ‘addiction’ is crazy. People who drink to much alcohol are not ill, they are drunks. Giving up alcohol and taking up smoking, or caffeine, or sex are not curing a disease, but trading one addiction for another. The Apostle Paul told us that all things are permissible but not beneficial. As a Christian I have the freedom to do anything, but if it does not strengthen my relationship with Christ and others it does not have any benefit for me. Sex was created by God, and it is for our total enjoyment. The Bible teaches that anything goes (including frequency) so long as it is within the confines of marriage (Heb. 13:4, SoS). Yes I am a Christian, but please do not compare me to the ‘evangelist’ Jerry Springer.

Rather than recount my story, which is much like Scott’s, I prefer to comment on the broader issue of this FOXSexpert column and Yvonne K. Fulbright in general. This column is at least a shameful attempt sexual titillation and at worst is another attempt to mainstream sexual perversion.

Yvonne makes the claim “We’re all sexually unique when it comes to what we do and how often.” Using that logic, polygamy, incest, bestiality, necrophilia are all perfectly “normal” behavior. The question is not that we are prudish or “moralistic” it is where is the moral line? For most of us (yes, even most of you reading this) that moral line is much closer to being “prudish & moralist” than Yvonne’s attempt at mainstreaming perversion.

In my youth, I was much more in tune with the “anything goes” mentality and living life for my pleasure. My pleasure left a wake of broken hearts, relationships and likely scarred souls. It also has made my marriage much more difficult than it needed to be. Additionally, I have been witness to the purity of a young couple who never even kissed a person of the opposite sex until they kissed each other on the alter the day of their marriage. Who do you think has an easier marriage?

Yvonne claims that it is “…infuriating is that there is nothing wrong with these components of healthy sexuality, as long as the interaction between two lovers is informed and consensual.” Can the opposite not also be true? Does she believe that those of who live our lives closer to the way it was designed can’t also be infuriated that she is mainstreaming sexual perversion?

I would love the opportunity to debate Ms. Fulbright on her imposing her moral line on the rest of us, by claiming that we are “…telling you what should be sexually acceptable for you.” Unfortunately, this kind of popular secularism rarely gets challenged and is somehow viewed simply as “news”.

I couldn’t believe that FOX would publish this article. Although Fulbright not offered any research findings on the subject of sex addiction, she feels confident to spout her own opinions as fact.

My (separated) husband is a sex addict. Once a devoted family man, he developed a compulsion for pornography. Pornography escalated into a need for live sex. Now he spends his free time in strip clubs and cruising bars for available women. His children cannot fathom what has happened to their father. He left a birthday dinner for his teenage son and went a strip club. My husband has become a different person. Although he hates himself, he will not get help. He was not sexually deprived at home, but how can a wife compete with airbrushed porn images or teenaged strippers?

My children are devastated because they lost their father and their family is broken up. Try telling them that sex addiction is “absolutely ridiculous.” I’m not “moralistic and misinformed,” just heartbroken.

Fullbright is throwing the baby out with the bath water.

She is correct in her assessment of SOME of the moralistic proponents of sex addition as a valid addiction.

However, she has fallen prey to a very common problem among the non-addicted. Since she is not an addict, she cannot intellectually or emotionally grasp the reality of addiction. Addiction is not logical, and non-addicts often cannot wrap their brains around the concept.

There are many reasons people continue in patterns of unhealthy behavior. Not all of them are associated with actual addiction. This includes sexual behaviors. However, there are some people who fall into the same category with sex as an alcoholic or drug addict.

Fullbright does her readers a disservice by completely discounting sexual addiction. It does exist, and for some people, it is a very serious problem.

Unfortunately, Fulbright has no idea what an addiction is. For her, if a person enjoys having sex — lots — then it means nothing other than a person who enjoys sex. Depends. Lest she forget and over simplify a very complex matter, sex is basically relational, meaning other people are involved. Suppose a person is married. He goes to a strip bar. A patron at the bar offers to give him oral sex (for a price most likely). Now the married guy wants the oral sex; but on another level he doesn’t want the oral sex because he’s married. He’s aware enough to know the oral sex violates the marriage (despite the consensual agreement with the patron). And here is where addiction comes in…he proceeds with behavior he himself does not otherwise want knowing the consequences will be disasterous. What label for this behavior would Fulbright offer? Immoral? Perhaps. But suppose a couple of weeks later the guy wants go back to the strip bar; but on the other hand he doesn’t want to back; … what else do you call behavior a person does despite knowing there are negative consequences?
Dudley C.S.A.T.

Wow, this article sounds so much like the articles that first came out when alcohol was first in the spotlight for addiction. Just like alcohol, we find ourselves wondering are they an addict or not. When it takes over someone’s life, potentially causing harm to themselves and those around them, then you have a problem. You can deny SA all you want until you find yourself in the middle of it!!! All I know is that my marriage and family has been destroyed by the SA of my husband. I would never wish it on anyone!

Not real! Are you freaking kidding me??!! In that case Alcoholism is fake, gambling is fake, drug addiction is fake, all of us that smoke is fake. It’s time that science start actually doing some scientific work. I am a sex addict, don’t tell me what I feel. Don’t tell me that the feeling I get in my chest when I want to go look at porn, and the feeling that I am going to die if I don’t is not real. Don’t tell me the rush I get when I do go look isn’t real. Don’t tell me my brain doesn’t let loose those feel good chemicals. Kathy is right. My porn looking eventually escalated into looking for a real partner on line. THANK GOD FOR MY WIFE!!!! LOVE YA HONEY!! She caught me (again) and I am now in therapy with a dr who is recovering from whisky.

I am so dissapointed in this article. Most things that she writes about I enjoy reading, and agree with. But I will stop now. She just writes to get a paycheck I think. Eventually people like this get popular then they get big headed and write what they personally think and then the real person comes out.

This article is a bunch of bull***. Obviously you have never been in a relationship that has problems of this magnitude. I have been married to a sex addict for almost 18 years. 11 years of that have been complete and utter turmoil because of his sexual addiction behaviors. Complusive sexual behaviors, lying, manipulation, denial, are also included. Which also go along with this problem. Many marriages suffer this addiction. This problem has almost cost us our family. The problem is that no one wants to recognize that there is a chemical reaction in the brain similar to a chemical addiction, when the addict looks at sexually explicit material, a high of sorts. And as time goes on and the problem goes untreated, denied, unrecognized, then it progressively gets worse. I know all too well, because in the beginning it was small beans stuff, and gradually over the years, it got to be of worse severity the things he was looking at and doing and eventually progressed to him actually going to dating sites and registering to meet someone. Over the years I have taken serious measures to prevent these things from happening, not as extreme as some I am sure, but whole hearted efforts on my part to try and prevent it. To no avail. A drug addict is the same, they will do whetever necessary to get that drug. A gambler will take the last bit of money to satisfy that need. It’s the same concept. I have suffered this with my husband and helped him try and get an understanding of why his actions go that route. Sexual addiction does not mean you are a sexual prude, it means that you have an addiction in your brain, almost just like a gambler, or drug addict. My husband and I have and have always had a satisfactory sex life. Counseling for us was in part a saver, and it will always be a struggle for him and me, but most of all it has helped him to recognize things in his everyday life, that he needs to be aware of. It has helped him to recognize situations that could trigger this “feeling of panic” that overcomes him if he doesn’t go and look and do those things. And coherently be aware of his actions and the impact it has on those of us who suffer the most from it. His wife and kids. It has taught him that he needs to rely on me to support him and guide him, essentially hold his hand in his time of vulnerability. I will never have peace of mind where this is concerned, and will never probably have an answer to all the questions, but in the end, I recognize that he needs help and so doesn’t he. And as long as he always recognizes that and is willing to work at always trying to better the situation and make things right, and recognizing that this is our problem not his alone, and is willing to let me hold his hand, then we will make it for a long time to come.
When idiots like you dismiss serious problems such as sexual addiction it makes it even harder for those of us who have to deal with the hard reality of the pain of it, to get treatment and help for it.
This issue I would not wish on my worst enemy. It not only effects the person with the problem, but all of those involved, and I have told my husband several times, that I would just rather have a physical beating that to have to deal with the mental issues this has brought on me. I have heard the same response from many women that I know who have dealt with this. Physical pain subsides and heals and goes away. This type of pain NEVER does.
So when you have experienced that type of pain, nightmares, self consciousness, doubt of yourself and your life, felt trapped, cried an Amazon River full of tears because you didn’t understand and had no control over it, and not a single answer, then you come and talk to me about this not being a real problem. Until then you need to shut up about something you obviously know nothing about and have never experienced.

One could compare this to the same pseudo-science as the global warming issue.
While there is a media blackout on global warming dissent, the same thing is going on in the field of sexology. No doubt, there are people who are very overboard in their sexual needs, but they are extremely rare indeed. Personally, I’ve never met anyone that one could consider a sexual addict.
History tells us that the sex/guilt thing all started in the 1850’s when a Preacher visited the US and told other preachers that sex should be classified as a sin except to have children. By adding yet another “sin” churches would be needed to “save” Christians from eternal damnation.
Sorry, don’t recall the visiting Preacher’s name. Maybe Miller.
The truth is that without sin, we would not have guilt and without guilt, we would not need churches. A simple equation religions have known about for a long time, used by control freaks.
Children that explored each other behind the barn in the old days, are now branded as predators.
In the meantime, marriages break up and families are torn apart by mis-information.

Bob Wilson

It is a load of crap. But the “sexspert” is also full of crap. Saying that it is ok for proplr to have sex without being in love,a nd fantisies and so forth. Sex is an act of love given to us by our creator. We should be fantisising about our husbands, or wives. Keeping our minds pure for one another, not thinking of someone or something else. If you think that you can have sex with someone and not have some sort of tie to that person forever you are crazy. Let’s keep sex in our heterosexual marriages, as an act of love, not a free for all to die.

“the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.”

Such is the definition for the term addiction. When you can’t control your compulsions of engaging in sexual activity, you are addicted. This is known as a chemical dependency on the dopamine released in your brain during sex. It is not as dangerous an addiction as some, but still is an addiction and can result in bad situations. I am a sex addict, not a someone who has never engaged in activity spewing a “crock”. Get a clue.

There are psychological reactions to sexual desire and perversions that can be defined as “addictive” – you limit the word to just physiological reactions which is incorrect. There are also very good reasons to use moral judgment. Because of your “hogwash” label, you have helped embolden more people to behave sexually sans ethical constraint. You may not believe that there is a God that you will be held accountable to someday (you will) but in the mean time, your article will help promote unwanted babies and people dying ugly deaths from STDs.

The myths of sex addition and global warming; two bogus issues and additional remnants of the totally corrupt Clinton administration.

Trust me, its garbage. My ex used this as an excuse for his endless affairs. He spontaneously “recovered” when he left to pursue a “nontraditional” relationship. It’s an excuse to never have to say sorry without putting “but I have a disease” after the word “sorry.”

There are many points in your article that I do agree with, but I do feel that sexual “dependence” does exist. I feel that it is not as prolific as statistics would imply. I have known two. One, calling me in a moment of desperation, had thoughts of harming himself to alleviate the constant desire and drive that had ruined two previous marriages. Another, after masterbating five to eight times a day, would still be driven to find several partners throughout the day. He was unable to focus on anything outside of his fix. He did show anxiety and “physiological” symptoms when unable to satisfy his drive. Both of these men have been working with addiction counselors at various stages. Those “tricks” used to help herione addicts and alcoholics, also help come to terms with and live with these obsessive drives.

This article is sadly mis-informative, to the point, actually, of being unethical. Sexual compulsivity and addiction are quite real and, especially with the growth of the internet and internet pornography, are a serious threat to our youth, not to mention adults. Men and women who struggle with this condition regularly report experiencing deep (core) shame, guilt, lost time, lost money and lost relationships. This condition also affects people’s health. It can take lives — through suicide, AIDS and through the high risk behaviors often associated with the addiction. It can also cause other serious health problems. And it has a very high co-morbidity with other addictions: alcohol, cocaine, speed, amyl nitrate, etc.

One need only read up on sexual addiction and compulsivity — or speak with just about any mental health professional — to ascertain the facts; it’s real, it’s growing and it’s very problematic.

The author does a serious disservice to her readers by writing what is clearly a gratuitous and poorly researched piece.

I completely disagree. This article is obviously written by someone who is not an addict. If someone truly suffers from an addiction, only he/she can know it…. food addiction, alcohol, drugs….. it isnt the use of the substance that makes one an addict. it is the impact the substance has on the addict… the addict’s inablitility to function in life with or without the substance.

This article is completely offensive and ignorant. For those who have spent years in recovery of addictions, they can appreciate what a real addiction is and the 12 difficult, grueling steps it takes day in and day out to stay in recovery. For the rest of you, this type of offensive commentary is entertainment. For a moment after reading it, an addict may take a minute to question why he or she has spent the last 20 yrs in AA or ______ anonymous working to stay free of the substance. But then quickly, back to the steps he goes…..

we cant control the world. we can only control what goes on our our side of the street. so i can let this go for today. acceptance is the answer today.

It’s an addiction if it’s something that interferes with every day life. Which is what usually happens. If a person can’t take care of their children or neglect their work because all they think about is the next sex fix and how they are going to do it, then it’s a problem.

Sex addiction is not a crock. It’s very real and it has nothing to do with the plethora of ways one can think of sex and has everything to do with it getting in the way of life.

Thank you for your article.

For a long time I have held to the belief that so-called “sexual addiction” is not an addiction at all, but a matter of choice and self-control. Unfortunately, like so many other things in life, we don’t want to deal with the real issues of responsibility, accountability and morality so we simply attach a label to it and go on with life with little or no resolve to make life better or easier.

While I may disagree with you regarding what I refer to as “sexual morality”, I do agree that so-called “sexual addiction” is indeed “a crock”.

wow. i finally read something on fox news that i agree with. great article on sex addiction.

Since you seem to define “addiction” as being purely physiological, what about “sex addiction” being an obsessive-compulsive disorder? I was married to a “sex addict” or “sex obsessive-compulsive.” However you wish to define it, his disorder was very real and had a very real impact on our marriage. It was more than some of the simple scenarios you describe. His behavior did not just entail using pornography or having fantasies. He acted on them, calling a personals service (in the days before personals were online) numerous times during the day and “hooking up” with strangers, risking not only our relationship, but our health as well. (He was not using condoms.)

You wrote:
In trivializing one’s sexual desires, the need for real therapy becomes a tragically missed opportunity.

Yes, there are a handful of cases where someone does have a problem – when their sexual activities are deemed more important than their relationships, work, finances, etc. But these situations are rare. And the issue isn’t sex; it’s something else.

Sex addiction, or whatever term you and some therapists prefer to use, is not calling someone’s interests and fantasies “nasty.” We’re all well aware of that. It is, rather, as you put it — deeming sexual activity above relationships, work, finances, etc. And, is that not the case with all addictive or obsessive-compulsive disorders?

I think your article is way off course and speaks to what many people know is not “sex addiction.” You sadly missed the mark in reporting fairly and accurately on this terribly difficult and damaging behavior disorder.

It’s a hard thing to actually determine but I do believe there is such a thing as sexual addiction. And yes, it can be deadly considering the sexual diseases in society today. Someone that continually desires a new partner frequently needs some therapy to understand why they are never satisfied. It’s a compulsive type of behavior and anything we do compulsively is an addiction and usually leads to bad consequences. It can break up families, harm children, lead to disease…lots of negatives if taken to extreme. Is the person that does this “truly” happy? Unlikely if they lose their family and catch AIDS. So, yes it is an addiction and we need treatment options.

I can see why you make the points you do, but you are misguided in your analysis. The fact that sexual addiction is not listed in the DSM-IV carries very little weight when you realize that other sexual disorders, such as homosexuality, also are not listed in the DSM-IV, although they were present in prior versions. If you don’t think homosexuality is a disorder, I ask you just to think of the male body and the female body – they are incomplete without each other, and obviously not made for “homoeroticism”. For more info, visit the website for NARTH (http://www.narth.com/) for the real truth. Then you compare addiction to sex to alcohol and tobacco addiction which, you state, are psychological addictions and have withdrawal symptoms. But that is what actually defines them also as physical addictions. A better example might be marijuana addiction, which is more purely psychological, and has no physical withdrawal symptoms. Also, sex addicts almost never go for protracted periods without some sexual activity as they need not look for a partner to act out fantasies and indulge their addiction. Your third point, on whether a frequency has a cut off value above which it is unhealthy, has more merit. It is more the way in which the sex partner is viewed that I think is healthy or unhealthy. If the partner is viewed predominately as a means for selfish gratification of the sex drive, that is unhealthy. The “dark” side of healthy sexuality may not be totally addictive, but neither is it really healthy. Anything that makes someone more loving and giving (which healthy sex can) will have a positive impact on that persons character development and is good for them. Anything that makes someone more selfish and self centered, using other people as an object for their selfish gratification, is bad for their character and bad for them. Which this may not meet the level of psychopathology, shouldn’t we all be striving form something more that freedom for neuroses? Some of us still believe cultivation of virtue is a good thing and should be sought in everyone. Do you think so? If so, it is not apparent in this column.

It seems obvious that Ms. Fulbright does not fully understand her topic and perhaps should do more research. As a licensed Addictions Counselor with 7 years experience and 3 years with men’s sexual addictions issues, I may be able to shed some light.

First of all, the DSM-IV-TR uses the term dependence to refer to those who have a condition/compulsion which harms their emotional and social life, choosing a particular behavior or substance despite the danger and difficulties the action brings as consequences to personal and social life. When a man is fired from his job after repeated warnings for surfing internet porn, the harm to his livelihood, family and personal life may indeed suffer. Dependence, according to the DSM-IV-TR is a stronger term than Abuse and indicates a more serious “addiction” certainly requiring treatment.

Second, a sexual addiction can certainly have accompanying physiological reactions that originate in an individual’s mental state. Anxiety, stress, cravings, anger and even irrational behaviors that might increase heart rate, or cause sweats could likely happen when an inordinate sexual fixation occurs. The addiction label has been established for drug users who, after months of sobriety, with no traces of a drug, still experience physiological difficulties.

Third, (quoting the article) who has the right to set the standards as far as what’s “frequent” or “out of control”? We have laws governing what are appropriate sexual activities in our society. We might agree that A rapist, pedophile, sexual abuser, public exhibitionist or Peeping Tom are not healthy members of society. Jails, prisons, and tiered sexual offender status would seem to bear this out.

Lastly, what occurs in an individual or between consenting sexual partners is not necessarily in dispute when considering sexual addiction. The question to ask is does it objectify the other person to the point where its only an act or even abusive and not a part of a nurturing reciprocal relationship? Is it a high-risk behavior or physically/legally harmful?

It may be that many still find sexuality and the discussion of healthy sexual expression a “dirty” topic. This is simply stupidity. Human sexuality should be celebrated, honored, and openly discussed and properly treated when misunderstood. I however disagree with Yvonne Fulbright. It is perplexing to think that Ms. Fulbright is a sex educator or relationship expert and doesn’t understand the problem some experience with sexually addiction. Not only does sexual addiction exist but it needs to be addressed not denied.

Dr. Fulbright,

Full Disclosure: I am a Christian who is also a licensed marriage and family therapist and am working on completing my certification as a sexual addiction specialist.

Your article certainly has prompted much discussion which I think can be a positive thing. The substance of my critique is the absence of any data to back up definitive statments like, “…the concept of sex addiction is nothing more than fabrication.” There seems to be quite a bit of scientifically based research available to us today from reputable sources like Dr. Patrick Carnes, author of Out of the Shadows, and many others who would not support your quick dismissal.

I work with sex addicts quite regularly in my practice and like yourself I am not very comfortable with using this label at all. However, we seem to not like the label for different reasons. I don’t like the term because it does not really describe the issue. The issue at hand for people caught up in an endless cycle of sexual relationships or pornography and masturbation or even just a life of erotic fantasy is an intimacy problem (i.e. having difficulty being oneself in the presence of others).

So I agree that sex addiction is a poor definition of the issue. It reduces the issue of emotional/physical/spirtiual intimacy to some sort of obsessive compulsive behavior. Likewise there is a problem, I believe, with the never ending advice columns that the typical sex therapists write. Every Cosmo I see in the checkout line at the supermarket has the same headline. “20 New Techniques That Will Drive Him Wild.”

It seems that your definition of healthy sexuality emphasizes only a single component of great sex – the physical which is improved with greater variety and frequency. I feel sorry for all of those misinformed clients of such blather that keep going from new technique, to new partner, to new toy or whatever, when a real “sexpert” would emphasize the multiple components of healthy sexuality based in true intimacy.

I have two words to say to you regarding whether sex addiction is real: Elliot Spitzer.

Truer words were never spoken.

I feel obligated to speak out. I was on the verge of losing my job, my marriage and my sanity when a brush with the law motivated me to seek help for my sexual addiction. I am a very decent person who acted just as if I had become a meth addict, but in this case the drug was sex.

I am sad to see this article associated with Fox News. It is irresponsible and dangerous in my opinion to encourage the “if it feels good, do it” theory. No matter what protections are used, there is still a risk. This is shown in numerous respectable studies. I am a Christian, and have made many mistakes in my own life, but at the same time, have learned more than I ever thought possible. Speaking from a woman’s point of view, anytime there are sexual relations, there are emotions affected at the core of your heart- this is something I have seen over and over with friends and family members over the years. To put this into perspective, I imagine my own children one day and if they were to have a “healthy” sex life, with whomever, because it felt good! This doesn’t even register as logical in my mind. What about respect for your body and confidence that you are loved and honored by your spouse, not just some fly-by-night partner you don’t even know on an emotional or intellectual level. I pray that others see this insight and not take lightly the suggestions of this article. And if anything, remember, no protection is full proof! I hope people can love themselves enough to be safe and wait for a marriage that has far more rewards than casual sex.

Yvonne K. Fulbright,

I thought this sixty mentality was behind us. “If it feels good just do it”.

You can become addicted to anything including sex.

I believe the issue is the obsession our society has with it.

We do not see sex as what it was meant to be which is to reproduce.
That purpose is a scientific fact. It is natures purpose to use sex to reproduce.
We make up the rest in our minds.

When we make sex the center of our lives, it becomes our god.
We become subservient to it unwittly thinking it brings true happiness.

But true everlasting happiness does not come from physical pleasures but
from helping and serving others.

Caring for a spouse that physically can not have sex builds in us a maturity
of true love and happiness that will last forever.

Constrast that with those that have become a slave to sexual thoughts and actions
in order serve their god of physical pleasures.

Some people have a hard time believing the fact the you can even be very happy
without sex in their lives at all.

I know this fact to be true because I have proven it in my own life.

The truth of the matter is that sex makes money $$$ and those who push it
as the happiness of life do so for money.

They discredit others as moralist or judgemental.
As far as judgment is concern, I say that it is not a judgement of the person but
of the behavior.
My experience has shown that as long as people keep trying to satsify their sexual
appetite in order to be happy the more they keep chasing a rainbow.
They are happy for the moment but then keep looking for more kinky ways to
get “turned on”. Each time becoming a little more enslaved by the appetite. Some
of whom get to the point where they cross legal lines in order to satisfy the
inquenchable lust.

I would say to all of them that there is another and better way to be happy.
Look at sex not as dirty but as something sacred and special.
To realize that it is the beginning of life.

My only hope is to express to you again that sex like anything else can be addicting.
It robs us of our freedom to choose true happiness through physical bondage and
mental bondage.
What I have said is true. The truth does truly keep you free and happy.

Sincerely,

Alex D.

There is such a thing as frequent, healthy, vigorous, powerful, mind-bending sex, and I hope more people are able to have it in committed relationships. Gotta-have-it-or-I’ll-lose-my-mind sex does not constitute addiction. On the contrary, saying that sex being too frequent or too enjoyable constitutes sex addiction as it’s defined demonstrates a huge hole in the understanding of what sex addiction actually is. You allude to this in your final paragraph; I’ll expand.

A person battling sex addiction may end up losing a job because he’s unable to stop looking at porn at work, even after multiple warnings. There are those who have to rent storage units for their hardcopy porn because it’s overrun their homes. Others spend thousands of dollars online, or on prostitutes, or on phone chats, or even flying to other locations for sex despite the consequences of losing all that time and money. Marriages and other relationships end. Some sell vehicles or mortgage homes to finance their actions.

I agree that the core issue isn’t sex. Who said that? The core issue for a coke addict isn’t coke, either. We all know that. The connotation of the article is that those who claim the existence of sex addiction think that sex is bad. Completely untrue. But anything can be turned into something unhealthy. Why would sex be any different? The opposite argument says that all sexual behaviors are good. I’m sure you don’t intend to go down that road.

I have been a counselor for over 40 years and I have wrestled with the issue you have raised for much of these years. I think the relevant question is what is the motive involved in the sexual activity? Most people only go with the flow of the libido without giving much thought as to what is the emotional need behind the sexual activity. It is easy to say that the purpose of all sexuality is pleasure, but we know that not all sexual activity is pleasurable in the end even thought it may have been in the moment. I have concluded that most sexual activity is not about sex at all, but about scratching some emotional itch that the person doesn’t necessarily recognize.

I have counseled hundreds of individuals and couples over the past 40 years with much success by emphazing the relational purpose of all sexual activity. Healthy sexuality is not about taking or using another person, it is about giving and receiving love and connection and for many people it even has a spiritual dimension that is healing and enriching far beyond the physical pleasure.
Any one can use sex for pleasure…it takes no brains or compassion…just physical desire. But to create a loving relationship that enriches and heals a person’s deeper soul, now that takes true love and unselfish giving and acceptance.

I think that too many people only see the pleasure part of sex and not the healing enriching, spiritual side of such connection. I think when a person is using sex to medicate an emotional pain or to avoid intimacy or to scratch some emotional itch…then it is possible that their behavior could be addictive. After all all addictions begin as an avoidance mechanism or a medicating process to enable a person to feel different about something in their lives. In most cases, facing the real emotional issue and seeking a spiritual solution through an encounter with their Higher Power brings healing to the emotional wounds and then the addictive qualities of the activity are resolved. In the case of physical addictions, where the body develops a physical craving, like with alcohol and drugs, medical intervention may be necessary or at least a 12 Step program. But with other so-called addicitions, like food and sex, I beleive that these have direct correlations to the unmet emtoinal needs in the person and that until theose needs are healed, the behaviors will continue. When they were labeled as “addictions” they became new industries for hungry counselors to sell more books and to make more money.

By the way, I did write a book on sexual issues. It is called Sex Matters: Men Winning the Battle.
It is self-published. I would be happy to send you a copy if you would let me know. It is only avaliable directly from me. I work primarily with men in small groups (Man 2.0 Groups) and deal with 50 plus men per week and counsel with them and the women who love them.

My God, sex is taking over my life. Help me please, I don’t want to be a Republican!

There are several problems with this argument and the “Sexpert’s” take on sex addiction, essentially making her argument a weak “straw man.” Basically, her stance against sex addiction could just as easily be applied to other problematic behaviors such as gambling, compulsive overeating, alcohol consumption, or even drug use. True physiological dependence only occurs in late stag alcohol dependence, and not even present with most abusable drugs that are not opiode-based. Does she really want to go down the road of nullifying these other “addictive” behaviors that have wrecked thousands of lives?

The criteria she sites as screening questions for diagnosing sexual compulsion or addiction are taken entirely out of context, and is done so purely for the effect of furthering a non-objective agenda. Again, the same could be done on similar screening measures for gambling, alcohol use, etc.

Beyond that, what exactly is the “Sexpert’s” qualifications for commenting on this topic? What does the “Dr.” stand for at the start of her name? Has she ever sat across from someone who has wrecked their marriage, ruined their career, and devastated their financial situation because they could not refrain from looking at pornography on the company computer, or stop having anonymous sexual activity outside of the marriage (and I’m not talking about just a 1-off affair here), or been arrested because they could no longer manage their sexual impulses in a safe manner? One visit to an SA (Sexaholic’s Anonymous) would provide enough personal testimony — free from the oh-so-prurient influence of clergy or therapists I might add! — to show that this is a real problem for many, many people out there.

Finally, I’d highly suggest that if you’re going to use a public forum for disputing such conditions, that you at least try and back up your arguments with valid research, not just your own personal reactions to the matter. It’s highly unprofessional and in most legitimate professions, unethical.

I think you’re a bit off base on your analysis. Semantics aside, there are people who use sex in ways that are simply not in their best interests. They equate love with sex and end up allowing themselves to be sexually abused. On what basis or from what source did you determine that this was a “rare” problem? Get your facts straight: there are a lot of very well trained, liberal therapists, counselors, etc who recognize that sexual dependencies are a problem for some people. Yes there are a lot of people who also have unhealthy shame over sex, probably even more than who have sexual dependency issues. But let’s not marginalize a real problem.

To sum it up Sex Addiction is real! What about the all the research done by numerous experts, such as Dr. Patrick Carnes. A correlation has been made using fMRI scans of cocaine addicts and sex addicts showing similarities in the frontal lobe. Off hand, I don’t know the specifics, I do know personally, that sex or particularly masterbation can be used as a drug; a way to deal with emotions, much as some smokers smoke to relieve stress, or drinkers, or anything else you can think of. Sex and masterbation isnt evil, but it becomes a problem when it becomes impulsive and destructive, such as putting off obligations or responsibilities to look at porn for hours at a time, or despite the fact that your in a public place, you masterbate anyway. Since it newly recongized, there isn’t yet enough research to put it in the DSM IV. But just as the early alcholics were misunderstood, its just one of the growing pains sex addiction has to go through. Do you know that Homosexuality was considered a mental illness, documented in the DSM up until the 1970’s! Things are always changing. There was a time when people with cancer were shunned and shamed in our society.

People don’t pay the money to go through therapy if they don’t want the help. They obviously have a problem controlling their impulses, or they wouldn’t want help. Express yourself however you want, but breaking the state laws because you can’t control your sexuality? Whoever wrote this article might want to consider doing some in depth research not just from people who don’t agree with the diagnosis before he or she posts something so ignorant again!

After reading the above comments, I do not believe that I can add any more condemnation to the “sexperts” advice. As a graduate student who has actually studied addictions and will hopefully be helping people in behavioral addictions, I also must categorically disagree with this article. This article is uninformed about addictions, their nature, the scholarly research concerning it (which this article is definitely not), and the negative moral impact on our society. I hope that to try to regain her integrity the writer apologizes and does a counter article that is informed and worthy of the advanced academic degree that she holds – unless it was bought, in which case, no apologies or retractions are necessary and the author can be relegated to the sensationalistic likes of Jerry Springer.

Just like those morons at AA… trying to expand the CULT. When will science take a stand against the people who make this crap up? Codependency is a way for people who make stupid choices, people who lack self-control, and people who consider themselves always the victim to justify their screwed up minds. These CULT GROUPS (pretty much any group with “Anonymous” in the name) are full of crap and are experts in the mind control game. For those of you who don’t believe that, there is plenty of research out there to back up my statements (AA IS A CULT, and now others are trying it). What’s next “I pooped twice today anonymous”? If everyone went by their “guidelines” we would all be classsified as drunken, pot smoking, crackhead, nymphomaniacs. The funny thing to these people is that they are taught that everyone else (aka- the majority) is wrong and they are right. What a bunch of garbage.

Wonderful article. Although I tend to disagree about the alleged non-existence of sexual addiction, it occurs, but in a very minute portion of the population. We too quickly label any deviation from the societal norm as deficient and deviant. Technically we can be addicted to anything -food, sex, drugs, religion, gambling- and individuals who feel they have a problem should be allowed to consensually seek out help. But you explained the problem spot-on, people who use the label of an addict to alleviate themselves of any personal responsibility for their actions. The other problem I have is that people seem to believe that the problem of addiction gives the public the right to meddle in personal and private affairs, and even legislate against “deviant” behaviors like, gambling, drug use, sex, etcetera.

To the posters above, I sincerely doubt the effectiveness in 12 step programs. Philosophically you replace the individual’s powerlessness to one substance with a powerlessness to another (a mystical being). I thought Nietzsche declared more than a century ago that “God is dead”, what’s with his sudden revival?

I am not sure what book or movement you are referring to but I do know that until you are married to a or live with a “sex addict” you have no idea what you are talking about. You understand little about this disorder and how it progresses and spirals out of control.
There are more than a “handful of cases”. The addiction is so strong that they deny the “true
dilemna” and don’t want to be “properly assessed”.
No one in my case “trivialized” the sexual behavior. It destroyed a marriage, a family, a career
and finances. Even after hitting bottom and an arrest they will not change their behavior .

You are the one trivializing the disorder.

Thank goodness someone finally has bothered to understand the word addiction and its constant misuse by the current “don’t blame me- I am an addict of _____” population. As a drug and alcohol counselor, I get rather annoyed with the constant misuse of the addiction label. Good for you!!
What’s sad though is the abuse you have received in the previous comments left. It demonstrates that the don’t blame me culture is going no where fast!

Obviously this person has not been touched by the problem. My family was broken apart by the addiction of my husband. He left our kids alone so that he could meet with prostitutes or with women he met on casual encounters. He excused himself from family outings so that he could stay at home and masterbate while watching porn on the computer. He disregarded fatherly responsibilities so that he could be on the computer. He put my life and health at risk over and over. There is plenty of research to support the idea of the addiction. If it puts a persons health at risk, if it is an obsession that is put before family and responsibilities then I would classify it as an addiction. Men (or women) who are addicted actually have differences in their brain caused by looking at porn repeatedly. The images remain in the brain. It takes about 5 years of hard work to overcome the problem. I think there is a difference between healthy sex and that which has consumed a person in an unhealthy manner. In essence, the writer is a crock or an addict!!

I appreciate the passion with which the author makes her points-some of them being very valid in my opinion. However, her understanding of the criterion used to determine if somebody has a problem in this area is apparently limited and I believe if she was able to listen to the hundreds of experiences i have heard about over the past 12 years of counseling individuals struggling with sexual addiction/compulsivity or “acting out” sexually rather than from what THEY have determined to be their own sense of healthy sexuality-and the debris trail that is associated with such behaviors, I believe she would have a more balanced position, and that her final statement about their being a “handful” of such situations would be altered somewhat.

To clarify a few things: SA stands for sexaholics anonymous where as sex addicts anonymous = SAA. I am not aware of the National Association of Sexual Addiction Problems, but am a member of SASH, the society for the advancement of sexual health, formerly known as the National Council for Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity. SASH is the main national organization for professionals working in the area of sexually addictive and/or compulsive behaviors. Yvonne K. Fullbright makes some passionate, and in my opinion valid points in her article. Perhaps written mostly for entertainment, her points appear to lack more than a few minutes of research in which she was able to find things to support her beliefs, misinterpretting the majority of what she wrote about or quoted/referenced. I believe that if she was willing to do a little more research she would be able to make her valid points without sounding so extreme as to say that there is not a considerable number of people who use sex in ways similar to how an alcoholic uses alcohol (or whatever addiction you choose to compare it to) to the detriment of themselves and/or their loved ones. I would love to have a 30 minute discussion with her sometime!

Dr. Brian Case
Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
Licensed Marriage and family therapist

I have personally work alongside recovering sex addicts at Del Amo Hospitol in Torrance, CA. I am not a sex addict myself, I was there for PTSD recovery (post traumatic stress disorder). I lived, ate and slept beside them for a month. They are normal people who just have a problem. Some people are addicted to alcohal or drugs, and others are addicted to child pornography, masterbation and “sexually acting-out”. Sex Addiction is real. Their problems are real so don’t invalidate them by saying it’s “hogwash” or is just some myth.

Alexandria

Dr Fulbright,

I’m curious since you dismiss the possibility of this addiciton/dependence- what would your opinion be on anorexia nervosa? Bulimia? Compulsive eating? There seems to be a great deal of research to support these behaviors- otherwise required to live- into a compulsion. How can you completely dismiss the possibility of sex- again an otherwise normal behavior- into an addiction? Further, I echo Dr. B’s opinion.

Dr. Fulbright,
As a fellow professional I appreciate your point of view, but it may do you some good to go back to the basics of addiction to understand why sexual addiction not only exist, but is prevalent in today’s sexual charged society. The question is, does a person who believe they are suffering from sexual addiction fit this one main criteria as stated in the Diagnostic and Statistical of Mental disorders (DSM-IV-TR)

“Does the sexual issue cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning?”

Please read below for a better definition of addiction and dependency

Psychological dependency is a dependency of the mind, and leads to psychological withdrawal symptoms (such as cravings, irritability, insomnia, depression, anorexia, etc). Addiction can in theory be derived from any rewarding behavior, and is believed to be strongly associated with the dopaminergic system of the brain’s reward system (as in the case of cocaine and amphetamines). Some claim that it is a habitual means to avoid undesired activity, but typically it is only so to a clinical level in individuals who have emotional, social, or psychological dysfunctions (psychological addiction is defined as such), replacing normal positive stimuli not otherwise attained (see Rat Park).

It is considered possible to be both psychologically and physically dependent at the same time. Some doctors make little distinction between the two types of addiction, since the result, substance abuse, is the same. However, the cause and characteristics of each of the two types of addiction is quite different, as is the type of treatment preferred.

Psychological dependence does not have to be limited only to substances; even activities and behavioral patterns can be considered addictions, if they become uncontrollable, e.g. gambling, Internet addiction, computer addiction, sexual addiction / pornography addiction, reading, eating, self-harm, vandalism or work addiction.

Ha….. I know responding to such a website, that is nonetheless worthless to the overall journalistic and social community, proves a step above or perhaps below futile, however as I coincidentally stumbled upon your site as I’m sure 99% of you internet viewing public does, I was compelled to read your article. I first laughed at the title of the article coupled by the sensual looking picture of the woman in biting her glasses (a classic and stereotypical sexual pose), then the ignorant premise that sexual addictions (which subsequently has been diagnosed as a significant issue in individuals lives and social conflicts for over 50 years) is nothing more that a “crock”. Obviously this deserves no real rebuttal, hard and fast/scientific studies far out way piety yellow journalism that has made the American media the laughingstock of the journalistic world; however I am just compelled (may that’s due to my addictive personality) to just highlight the yet continuing and ridiculous editorials that are allowed to be posted by Fox, which continues to prove itself nothing more that the joke of true network reporting that everyone else view’s them as. So hats off to you reporter (I neglected to actually read your name, as it was of no importance really) on your 1 out of 100,002,003 article that shows up under google searches that are only view by individuals that will never read your article, I suggest returning to the community collage that you received your associates of liberal arts from.

Sincerely yours,
Compulsive Sex/Black Tar Heroine addict.

Hello? What about criminal paraphilics? Those who are masturbating in high double digit numbers a day? Those who have uncontrollable sexual urges at the sight of their fetish or even just a small piece of revealed skin? Ma’am, you have ignorantly skimmed the surface of atypical/deviant sexual behavior. FOX. Please, delete this high school newspaper article, now.