The single, successful woman described in this column doesn’t really need a man. Since she doesn’t need a man, she has no need to compromise or make the sacrifices required for a marriage or long-term relationship. The woman described gets what she really wants in the end, and it is not a soul-mate. If her top priority is her career and if she thinks herself superior than the men she is dating, then it is unlikely that she will ever find a satisfying long-term relationship.

Relationships with these types of women are hard for several reasons. Everyone likes to be needed for something, these women have power, money, and aren’t afraid to sexually satisfy themselves. The inevitable question from the males perspective is “why am I here, what role do I play”. We play second fiddle to work, girlfriends and now vibrators. We men learned long ago that you need to place your woman first in your life, and appreciate her. It seems these women need to learn the same lesson now.

As for chivalry ? perhaps chivalry is dead because the women who inspired it are no longer present in our society? Lets face it ladies, do you really want to be that woman in the stories who is just waiting to be rescued? What I am hearing more and more is that women don’t need men, as pointed out in this article. How would not being needed inspire one to chivalrous acts?

This does not apply strictly to women. Being single, empowered and successful is not really a gender based issue. Either gender that exhibits this type of behavior/lifesyle is viewed askew. It is nice to see that it is recognized at least by you/ the author as not being abnormal. I just wish that the rest of the population would recognize that a spouse and children is not everyones cup of tea.

In my experience dating successful women, they tend to behave in a similar manner to successful men. They are drawn to partners who are “beneath” them financially, but “above” them in a physically attractive sense. I reference an unattractive male attorney with a gorgeous, trophy wife.

Inevitably these relationships fall apart because they are not based on mutual respect, but more on the acquisition of an attracive, interesting partner to impress the world. Eventually, the trophy male will feel maginalized or emasculated and end the relationship.

It is my opinion that these women approach relationships just like they approach their careers and it ends up hurting their relationships in the long run. Just as they run their companies or their divisions, they seek to run their relationships in the same, efficient manner. I don’t believe that most men or women for that matter, truly want to feel like an inferior in a relationship.

I thought that most of the quotes listed in the article were somewhat humorous. If a man would complain about the same things, he would be laughed out of the room. Women want all the same benefits as men in the working world, but do not want to forfeit any rights or benefits in the social world. You can just look at the divorce laws to see where a man is at a severe disadvantage in most states if a couple gets divorced.

All I am looking for is some give and take. I am a successful man. I appreciate and support the role of successful women. I do not try to be dominant over women. Just don’t expect me to act like one of your employees in a relationship or to put myself at a disadvantage just because I am a man. Chivalry was destroyed a long time ago by the bastardization of the feminist movement. What started as an honorable movement to give women equality has turned into a movement to put women in a dominant position. Today, chivalry only serves to put a man at a disadvantage.

I believe American women have the most desirable situation of all women in the world where they have the most opportunity and the most rights. However, American men have to contend with the most criticism and complaining from American women. The Creator gave women the same rights as men, but good, American men are the ones who have fought and will continue to fight, to the death even, in order to preserve those rights. I believe that deserves a little show of respect or appreciation, don’t you?

My hat is off to Rhoda Fort. Compromise and self-sacrifice are two keys to a strong, enduring relationship. Both men and women need to heed her advice.

Explains 80% of me to a “T”. I have a better way of describing myself though…Single, Successful, Satisfied and Sanctified!!!

As a single, successful Christian woman in her late 40’s, I agree with the comment, “the very traits that make her successful in the professional world are sabotaging her in the private world.” So true. Men are intimidated by my success (instead of enjoying my sense of humor attention to love, laughter, and fun).

Oh well, at the end of the day, I DO have a husband and his name is Jesus! :-0
And I’m enjoying my life to the MAX!!!

Yahoo & Amen!

Too much really going on here to take the simplistic approach of the real problem being men not able to handle a successful woman.

1 – we’ve all heard how men’s minds are like sets of boxes, where everything is compartmentalized, separate from everything else. This enables them to leave the attitudes and behaviors that are successful at work, at work. Women’s minds operating like a ball of string, where everything is connected to everything else, and touches everything else, leaves them with the tendency to carry those attitudes that are successful in the office to a date or personal relationship where they are detrimental.

2 – A long term relationship/marriage is as much or more work than a career. Most successful marriages are where one partner has the main ‘bread-winning’ career while the partner has ‘second jobs’. Why? Most successful business people became successful in part by their willingness to relocate to move up to the next rung on the ladder. Having the other partner not tied to a career makes this much more feasible than if both are on different career paths that will eventually either take their lives in separate directions or force one partner to forego the next career move for the sake of the relationship. Also, business success often entails a lot of travel time. Without one partner generally at home, travel schedules can lead to a couple not seeing much of each other. Why even start, then? Traditionally, men have been and are still raised to be the breadwinner for their families and will not want to sideline a career they are a decade or two into for hers. With women now “equal” in this sense, they do not want to either. What do you get? stalemate. Congratulations on your equality (or be careful what you ask for, you may get it…).

3 – Despite what our government and teachers unions are pushing, children need a nurturing parent around and available. If both parents are focused on careers/travel/etc. instead, children become burdens rather than joys. Repeat last half of last paragraph and again, stalemate.

4 – IMHO, women actually wielded more power in the relationship when they were the wife instead of the co-earner or even main bread winner. Not the same KIND of power, so they have let themselves be convinced by a political movement that they needed to be more like men. Most men that date women are looking to marry women for their uniqueness, not to marry another ‘man’ with breasts and a skirt/pantsuit. Some (no, not all, but enough) women take it to the level of baseness, vulgarity, profanity and immoral activity (as you mentioned adultery) in their effort to be just like men. Women used to be the fairer of the species, now they lower themselves to hairy, sweaty men-folk but still want to be treated as ‘ladies’ on a date or in a relationship. And you call us men ‘confused’?

5 – Women I have dated that are successful in the business sense go into the first few dates with a major chip on their shoulder, looking for something to take offense at so they can blame the man for not wanting a ‘strong woman’. Just reading some of your quotes from women seems to bear this out. They assume that it is their ‘success’ or education that men can’t handle. Maybe it’s just your high-minded opinion of yourself that you force into every situation that turns us off?

6 – As women don’t need marriage for sex, neither do men. Congratulations again on your equality. How can I put you on a pedestal when you go out of your way to prove that you are just like me? What happened to being my ‘better half’?

How do those wonderful facts that you list translate into more motivation for a man to be with that type of woman? Will she be more fun as a partner or not? The problem is women think men think like women and find more money and more success equals more attractive. Men do not use that equation. We would not leave a wife for a wife that makes more money but we do leave them when they are always complaining about us or fail to take our wants and desires into consideration or are always stressed out and upset. The gravamen of today’s credo of the successful woman is that she can live without a man…and then women are baffled why we are not attracted to those that expound philosophy??? Maybe it is as simple as, “be careful what you wish for or you will surely get it.”

C

I was surprised by this comment: “She does not want to give up everything that she has worked so hard for, and forfeit the powerful part of her identity, in order to please a man.”

What do you think men have to do?

I can really relate to the women in this article, and have many successful, beautiful, female friends in their early thirties who seem to be perpetually single. I am currently single after my fiance broke off our engagement. His idea of “compromise” was for me to give up everything I had worked for in my career, move away from my family, leave my hometown and my friends, and move to a mid-western town where I would have extreme difficulty finding work. All this to pursue his dream of going to an Ivy League college (a school that I would inevitable be footing the bill for in the long run since I was the only wage earner in the relationship). I wouldn’t give it all up, so he gave me up.

Compromise and respect are key in any relationship, and I know many single women that date men that do not make as much money as the women, or are, by society’s standards, not as educated. And I see my single friends love these guys and want nothing more than to have a future with them. However, the guys always seem to penalize these women for their successes sooner or later. A woman’s desire to be successful in her career is seen as being somewhat selfish, while a man’s desire to be successful is considered ‘normal’. Men need to start embracing the successful women in their lives instead of trying to change them!

Bahh, this so-called sexpert Yvonne once again betrays her chosen ’scientific’ field by not using the scientific method. (Remember the advice she gave to the poor cuckold husband…..HE had to figure out what HE was doing wrong to cause his wife to cheat on HIM?)

The conclusions she draws on these issues can easily be attributed to too many episodes of “sex and the city”. In fact, this whole article is basically the storyline to any one of those fairytales that did much damage to women’s self awareness and societal worth.

She draws the correct conclusion that these women at the so-called “top” of the professional food chain are the most desirable of the opposite sex, albiet in their own minds and in the minds of the post-modern feminist like Yvonne. She exibits looks, smarts, and financial stability as markers of “success”. Unforunately for women, the evolutionary male-female selection process was based on the model of man providing food, shelter, hearth etc. to women. Not vice versa.

When women negate the natural pair bonding process by acting like men, they render it short term (why do none of my relationships not last?) . When men do not feel like they’re needed or championed by their women, they will look for that satisfaction elsewhere.

And what a bunch of malarky to say that we’re moving toward ‘a matriarchal society as some sociologists have suggested existed hundreds of thousands of years ago ‘. This is more of the same rewrite of history that liberals love to use to justify their dysfunctional existance in a society that is generally conservative.

The opinions and articles I’ve read by Yvonne are scientific as it passes in ’social sciences’ as true science in college academics. But sadly, these articles are so………faculty lounge

Yikes! It must suck to be you(successful and single). Don’t you just want to love and be loved? Anyway, good luck with all that. P.S. Doc…, “evolve”? Please.

1helluvagirl - maybe he didn’t want to become just another wardrobe accessory? You obviously are impressed by your own education and income, seems to me he was trying to elevate himself in those same areas so you would value him as much as yourself. You were unwilling (apparently) to support him in his goals/dreams? Expected him to ‘give it all up’ to follow you around? Seems like he was trying to improve himself, and catch up with, not change, you. Maybe you would have had to help provide some/most of the cost of his education - wlecome to the obligations of being the sole breadwinner - men have had to support the spending habits of their women for eons. At least this would have been an investment that would have had the potential to pay major dividends. I doubt you would have had to ‘give it all up’ as you put it, maybe put somethings on hold which you apparently were unwilling to do. Seems you BOTH made choices, and choices have consequences. Live, learn, and live again.

In my experience, many professional women are no different than others. They want to date up from their level most of the time. I once dated a professional woman who was very affectionate, right up until she realized she made 10K more than I did. Nothing else changed but we were broken up less than 2 weeks later.

As more women take higher professional positions, there are less men in them, making it harder and harder to find men to “date up” to. Don’t believe me? Peruse match.com or yahoo personals and take a look a the salary of women and then the salary they require of their perfect mate. Probably 75% of the time, they are looking for someone who makes more than they do.

At some point, I think they have to change their mindset and start to understand that it’s not the salary or position that makes the man or the relationship. It’s being truly open to an Equal one based one how we treat each other.

The problem with the women this article describes is that very few of them are truly happy and are thus harder to relate to, just as it is hard to relate to unhappy men. This is because they have been sold a bill of goods by the feminist movement that purports that the exact same thing that makes men happy, i.e. careers, wife and kids, wealth, etc. are the same things that make women happy. Both historically and biologically speaking, this is profoundly untrue. Like it or not, women and men’s brains are programmed differently, and women derive most of their happiness from things like love, security, and companionship. This is not to say that a woman should not pursue a career and be successful, she should be free to do whatever she wishes. However, she should understand that in the end, money and careers aren’t going to completely satisfy her desire for what everyone ultimately wants in life - happiness.

And for disclosure’s sake, I am married with two kids and my wife stays at home with them. However, she was very a successfull business woman, made a lot more money than I did, and had she decided to keep working, we probably could have both retired by the time we were 40. But if you ask her now, she’ll tell you that she is profoundly more happy with her children than when she was while working full time. And I’ll just have to wait till I’m 50 something to retire - but it’s worth it to have a happy wife.

I guess these new, intelligent, successful, modern career women are finally starting to learn one of life’s most painful truths that successful men have know for many years. It’s hard to find an Old Fashioned Girl. I imagine it’s that much harder if you want that Old Fashioned Girl… to be a man. =)

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” “Men are intimidated by me”. “It’s not me, it’s them.” These are the mantras of sad, pathetic, lonely, bitter women who adamantly try to convince themselves (and everyone else around them) that any level of financial, personal, or career success is a satisfying substitute for being in a loving relationship. It’s not. And the truth is…..it’s probably you.

My work in international business has allowed me access to many cultures and their gender stereotypes. In my observations, the ‘Successful American Woman’ has become the poster child for what is wrong with the world’s view of American Society. She is viewed as being ambitious to the point of being ignorant. American men can take most of the credit for this debacle. While we have been ‘busy’ making the $ dollar and leaving home to do it, we have neglected the very thing which drove us to want to better our families in the first place ~ our love for a woman. I am blessed to be the son of parents celebrating their 56th year of marriage. In those years my mother never relinquished her authority nor her sense of self by sacrificing what could have been a very successful career in medicine. I can only hope that my own marriage now in its 18th year is as rewarding at the end of the journey.

It appears that at least some of these women are too quickly dismissing the most obvious problems.

THE “I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A LADY ON A DATE.” Well, do you want a modern relationship or don’t you? I guess when its to you advantage you want a traditional relationship.
I suspect this is a one way street. It isn’t intimidation, its problably viewed by your dates as more trouble than your worth.

Women are also annoyed with arrogance and a refusal to compromise. Why would these women expect men to react differently?

Reading this article lead me one conclusion: These women do not appear to self relflect to any significant degree. It was always something wrong with the man. Maybe a long look in the mirror would lead to a more successful dating life. If these men were initmidated by you they wouldn’t have gone out on a date with you in the first place.

Just a couple of things, that apply equally to men or women:

1. If you’ve gotten what you wanted, and yet you’re still not happy with it, you have no-one to blame but yourself. You’ve failed to recognize that “the things you want” and “the things which make you happy” can be very different things. I never cease to be amazed at the number of seemingly intelligent people who can’t figure this out.

2. If work is the defining part of your personal identity: you need a shrink, not a lover.

Cheers -
m

Many women build their lives and ambitions on a playing field that is stacked against their own true happiness and then complain that men won’t step into their menagerie to satisfy their crazy dream of what feminist mantras told them would guarantee their fulfillment.

Too many women are out to conquer a world that will only conquer them in the end. They have rejected everyone in the pursuit of their ambitions and then boo-hoo when they can’t conquer man with the same modus operandi. There have been men in history who have built and destroyed entire civilizations for the sake of love. Yet, women refuse to stop trying to control the world so they can find love. They have spit at traditional mores and have been seduced into believing the feminist lie that happiness and success are related to wealth, prestige, power, freedom from parental responsibility, and the scoffing at virtue.

“I am women hear me roar,” give me a break. The roar that can move the world is actually a baby’s whimpering cry. These women cannot seem to secure any fulfillment in anything other than business or cultural success. They are ego-stricken. For them, it is not enough to have an admiring husband and adoring children. They should take their instruction from the women who have given it all up, who have become devoted wives and mothers, and found joy and love that they never dreamed could be possible for them.

We rarely hear the voices of the women who are trying to declare this traditional message amongst the din of feminists because it is so opposed by today’s intellectuals chairing every women’s studies program in America.

Women have been sold a bill of goods and they wonder why so many men will not take their bait and affirm them in the insanity of it all. They have gained the whole world and inflicted nearly irreparable harm upon their souls.

Let’s face it, feminists are man-haters. And any time a man smells a feminist, we know we will eventually be derided, dismissed, and divorced because the foundation of feminism is to always and everywhere triumph over man because he is an oppressive beast, but doesn’t really know it. As Forrest Gump might say, “I might not be polished and powerful, but I know what love is.”

Unfortunately, you cannot have it all - neither men nor women. The truth is we never really wander far from our genetics: neither women nor men change much, they just ‘act’ out characters embraced by the prevailing society. For men, the societal mores that dictated they be responsible fathers and husbands are just that: dictated by the prevailing moral codes. If anything, men have embraced women who make a decent wage, this has freed them from traditional responsibility without really costing them anything. Women, on the other hand, are still bound to genetics that seeks motherhood and a stable relationship. If you don’t believe it, simply look at the reaction of older, childless females bumping up against limit of child bearing ability. And if you don’t believe females still seek marriage or a relationship, you’ve never experienced dating a 30+ something female. The ridiculous notion that Western mores have culminated into this new type of woman is simply a lie. What is happening is the slow decline and eventual death of Western society. You see, the smallest detail has escaped the politically correct crowd dominating modern Western culture. This is it - you need children, about 2.1 per couple, to stabilize a society. Western culture is not doing this small, but necessary replacement, and is, in fact dying. As European replacements and population dwindle, the replacement Muslim societies, patriarchial to the hilt, will succeed them - this is already happening. The slogan should not be “it’s not nice to fool mother nature”, but rather “you cannot fool mother nature.”

I personally am attracted to smart, independent women. They know what they want and its a turn on. I think most guys are afraid and have self esteem problems if they can’t handle a smart and determined woman in the relationship, one who would possibly make more money than the man.

Women and men both run into these problems. I am also a successful single woman who takes care of myself.. Just because I don’t “need a man” doesn’t mean I don’t want one around. Women have forgotten how to be women and that men need to feel needed just as a woman needs to be needed. Gender roles may be changing, but there are always the desires of a woman to be with a man. I know so many women that “don’t need men” who are having multiple sexual partners, seeking fulfillment they can’t find in a relationship. Where does that get you? Dumped, diseased and alone with your fabulous job. Fullfillment from work alone? I don’t think so. Perhaps some may find it, or say they do, but I don’t think so. There’s nothing wrong with being strong, educated and career-oriented- but a healthy BALANCE must exist. When you can no longer work or no longer want to work- what do you do then? Hope for a widow or someone who has been on the same path as you for the last 60 years? Ladies, being a woman is about being a dichotomic, caring person who can be strong but feminine, smart but not egotistical, and above all loving.

- Single woman trying to make it in her daddy’s world

Just as women can be successful, single, and happy without men, so men can be without women! A strong man does not need women or sex to survive.

It seems that the FoxSexpert column is beginning to become sexist against men, and so this will be the last I visit this disgusting male-condescending blog!

I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with Yvonne on several points of the article.

Others have clearly pointed out problems with the logic of the relationships and while I agree there is clearly a difference in ‘wiring’ beyond the boxes and string allegories, there is a place where the boxes and string can meet.

My wife is foremost in my life, she is everything to me. I make more money than she does but she works just as hard as I do. We both give each other ‘equal’ amounts of ‘play’ money and combine all the rest to pay mutual bills. This is “fair”.

That, at the core, is what is lost in the thought processes. What is fair, what is honest, what is respectful.

Successful women fall into the same traps as successful men: “It’s all about me”.

If you agree with that sentiment, then no matter what your sex is, you are doomed to fail in any positive long term relationship. Long lasting, positive, joyful relationships are built upon mutual respect, trust, and selflessness with knowledge that sometimes your own needs must take the forefront. At those times respect and trust will handle any decisions by the couple/family.

I am not using the word ‘love’ for a reason. Love is defined by the person. Any person may be ‘in love’ with someone but their definition of that may not meet what someone elses definition of ‘love’ is, and it’s usually a requirement that two people need to be semi-close in definition in order for a relationship to succeed.

To all you successful folks; if you want that long term relationship, understand your role, your needs, your partners needs, and be selfless enough to offer respect, trust and open communication in the relationship.

If you don’t want a long term relationship, please the person your life is centered around: yourself. You will be happiest that way and there is nothing wrong with seeking what makes you happy. Do not place the expectation on anyone else that their job is to make you happy.

The only thing you have any significant control of in your life is yourself.

The problem is not the successful woman - The problem is that many men lack confidence in themselves.

If you are confident in yourself as a the person you are there is no reason to be intimidated by anyone else, female or male.

It’s not that complicated. Women are not good (as a whole, I know they are plenty of exceptions) at leaving work at work. Thus, they come home and act the same way that made them successful at work. This hidden in the first part of the relationship when both parties are on their “best behavior,” but it eventually comes out. And when it comes down to it, Men (right, wrong, or indifferent) associate those traits that it takes to make it in the business world as being definately masculine. As a straight man, I can tell you that nothing is a bigger turn off than masculine women. Designer clothes, a nice hair cut, and make up, only cover it up for so long. Eventually men get turned off and leave, a lot of the time they don’t even realize why she doesn’t do it for them anymore, but they knows she doesn’t. Congrats, you are now “equal” and when you are 60, single, and alone, you can tell your cats how awesome it was when you used to dominate the boardroom.

Comment for Ms. Fort: Some single, successful women do need a man. I have met my soul-mate - twice matter of fact. One married and the other preparing to be. And when I ask them what is wrong with me……their answer: Men find me intimidating. The problem is not really related to me being intimidated but the lack of MATURE men who can handle a successful woman and all that comes with her - house, sports car, money, etc. They feel as if they couldn’t possibly bring anything more into her life because she has everything. Well, everything but a man to share it with.

So before you accuse successful women of not needing men, you should clarify exactly what we don’t need. I for one, need a man to love and nothing else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, I’m successful, witty, pretty, etc. and in 3 more years I will be 40. I have everything I could possibly want in my life - as far as materialistically, that is. But when it comes to vulnerability, sharing my ups and downs, enjoying time together, and all the things that go with being a couple, I am the one left alone. Sure I do things on my own. However, life was meant to be shared with two people. Bottom line, I just want someone to share my life with. I’ll admit, I prefer my mate to have a college education but not for intellect, more for grounding. I have found it difficult relating to men who have not had the college experience. So much happens during our college years and being able to share these experiences helps in having things in common.

How many times have you faced the question from your co-workers, “why aren’t you married?” How do you even answer such a question when you wonder the same thing. They just can’t understand why someone hasn’t come along and swept you off your feet. But, these are men who are married and have matured; if they could do it all over again, they would certainly be considering you for their future.

How about the fact that you are the only sibling left who hasn’t married? I hope my grandparents live long enough to see me get married. I want my Dad to walk me down the aisle. But, the way I see it, it just isn’t going to happen. This isn’t meant to be. I’m trying to come to terms with the possibility of being single for the rest of my life, but it isn’t easy.

There happen to be many successful women who don’t act the way many of you have described. I believe I am one of them and I know many people who would agree. I have learned volumes about myself over the past 37 years of my life and currently feel robbed of not having that special someone to enjoy life with.

Men: If you aren’t intimidated by successful women, please give them a chance. Not all of them are as shallow or selfish as many think. There really are quite a few wonderful ones available.

Everyone: All anyone really wants is to be loved, does it really have to be that difficult?

It’s no real mystery to me. The women spoken of don’t like the type of man who are attracted to them, and conversely don’t attract the type of men that they would like.

Speaking strictly for myself, career women aren’t particularly interesting. I’m not intimidated by them, I find many of them attractive, smart, and witty. However, they have their goals in life, and they don’t fit with what I’d like in a wife. It would be foolish of me to try and change their mind - they have already chosen the life they wish to live.

I care about my children a lot. I want a women that wants to take care of them and love them like my Mother did me. I don’t want to farm my kids out to daycare. Rather than expect some career woman to drop out, I found a lovely woman whose goals in life fit in with mine and we are happily married.

Given that the women are are discussing are attractive, witty, and smart, I’m sure there are a lot of men who would love to spend time with them - attractive women always generate interest. They can’t walk down the street without generating interest. I am sure the men are there and many of them are probably reasonably nice.

One woman said “The men I date seem to think that chivalry is dead.” I would ask her if a man believed in chivalry, what kind of woman would he want to date?” Are you that woman? Chivalry isn’t one-sided - it flows both ways.

Anyway, I hope you all find happiness and a great relationship.

I thank God every day that I have never married, never dated and have absolutely zero desire to do either. Those men that have a need to date and/or get married I have this advice: DO NOT date American women. They are spoiled, self-centered, megalomaniacs who have only one interest, themselfes.

What is so complicated? Men have traditionally been the breadwinners. They can’t appreciate that someone else could win the bread.

That being said, there are some other issues here. Most women enjoy the empowerment and use it to disadvtange their male. Ask any married man how things work in the house. Very few will say that they have any control over what goes on there. Wifey is the boss. Throw in the fact that wifey is now the breadwinner, or primary income, and it further emasculates a male. So the answer is simple, no man wants to feel that they have no decisionmaking authority on important issues, which is usually the case when a woman takes control. Women have more of a problem with delegation of responsibility than men. Not that all men want to have total control, admittedly, some do, but when you put a woman in this position, they generally feel the need to prove their worth, at work and at home, because of perceived past injustice. They need total control, and men can sense it more than in what some would consider a “traditional marriage”.

Been there, done that. It won’t work. And a word of advice to all men: Never marry a lawyer….

For the thousands of years mentioned that have now been turned on it’s head because of the “successes” of women, nobody seems to remember the sacrifices men did to keep the family unit together, and those marriages that failed did so for the exact reasons these arrogant woman blame being “too successful,” “No time to date/for family,” adultery as reasons they can’t keep a relationship.

After 5000 years, women wanted equality…..Welcome to the real world, you can’s have your cake and eat it too- Start learning the art of sacrifice!!!!

Knowing plenty of powerful women, single and married, and some with man issues and most without, the simple fact is that the women complaining are usually selfish with no concept of being a team player. They claim they want a partnership, but it turns out they only want a subservient companion and playtoy they are soon bored with because they don’t understand teamwork. I regularly see these “successful” women look down their nose at many of my lady friends because they’re only senior military officers, or airline captains and obviously not strong individuals. How could a “strong” woman ever take orders from a male General or share decision making with a male co-pilot?

They lack the vision of what a partnership is and the benefits of teamwork. They fail to acknowledge the compromises men have made in relationships for years knowing that a team will ultimately yield more than they could individually. They see a star running back as weak because he lets the quarterback make the play calls. I hear plenty of them whine that they ran off another guy who wasn’t strong enough to accept them when in fact the guy got tired of listening to them talk about themselves. They don’t see anyone else as interesting because no one could be as interesting as they think they are. They see everything including relationships as a zero-sum where there always has to be a loser for every winner instead of seeing a win-win solution. They don’t recognize they’ve won unless they see someone else lose.

They remind me how lucky I am to have been with my wife for over 30 years despite her having only gotten her masters in psychology before becoming a successful businesswoman, artist, author, search and rescue team member, and partner.

I was a college beauty queen and dancer/athlete who became a federal law enforcement officer. Over the years, I received and turned down many marriage proposals. While I was both touched and humbled by the attention given me, and though I deeply respected and cared for the men who cared for me, I could not risk giving up all that I had fought for. As written so well in this column, I could not forfeit the powerful part of my identity. And as also written, something in me had to embrace all that life could give me. Most married women I knew (and know) were simply helpmates in a supportive role for their husband’s chosen life. And far too often, his life choices weren’t the best for her - in some cases, even devastating. I’ve seen too many women living unfulfilled and shadowy lives completely at the mercy of someone else’s decisions. That simply could not be the life for me and I rejected even the possibility. I know some women just have to be married and they will take it on any terms. Far too many women appear to have no sense of self. No life is perfect and, in retrospect, I might have done one or two things differently as all people probably would. However, overall, if I had it to do again, I absolutely would choose the same life. It is worth noting that I come from a huge family and never had to forfeit family per se - that made a big difference. But the rich experiences I’ve had, the extraordinary people I’ve known, my travels around the world and living all over the country add up to a life I wouldn’t trade. But it shouldn’t have to be one choice or the other. It’s mystifying why a man wouldn’t want his wife to be everything she could or wanted to be. While in any marriage there is healthy and needful compromise and loving sacrifice, what man would not want an interesting, strong and whole woman by his side? Why would he not celebrate all in this woman that was his? Any man who did would bind her more closely - HER choice - to him.

Wow! I am one of these unmarried, professionally successful women…divorced for about 15 years. And yes, I do want to be in a committed relationship. I just want to thank everyone that has commented here because I see the good and the bad in the way I have approached possible relationships. In particular it’s helped me to see myself from the male’s perspective. I hope the next time a “good catch” comes along, I can adjust my own perspective. Wish me luck, please!

two issues for the ladies:

(1) most women bought the idea that to succed in a man’s world, you need to act like a man. There was nothing feminine about the feminist revolution, it just masculinized women. Work partners, sure. But I do not want to live with another man.

(2) women do not marry down. So the more resources she has, the smaller her pool of available partners becomes.

I’m a US 50yo man living in Asia. It will be interesting to hear from these women when they are 50.

This woman wants love, companionship, and commitment. And she’s willing to put herself out there for it. But — and this is a huge but — she’s not willing to compromise who she is or what she has rightfully earned, as is often the expectation.

And exactly the same thing can and will be said about men.
He is not willing to compromise who she is or what she has righfully earned, AS IS ALWAYS THE EXPECTATION when getting involved with a woman.

Men have had it. They are now seeing the con job that women have gotten away with over the past 10,000 years and they are seeing that they are not “sugar and spice and everything nice”…they are coniving, lying, and deceitful. And they are not to be trusted - as was recently shown in a study in europe where 40% of women indicated they would lie about birthcontrol to their partner.

I tend to find powerful women extremely sexy. It shows that she knows what she wants and likes, and knows how to get it. I dated a girl with a PhD, and she said it was an issue of intimidation when it came to the opposite sex. I found it very refreshing to be able to communicate well with her and she wasn’t distracted by every little thing. Could correlate with the level of education or perhaps just an observation on my part. It didn’t end up working out, but it wasn’t due to the fact she was a doctor, her schedule, work obligations or anything like that. The chemistry just wasn’t there.
I think a well educated and successful woman shows ambition, drive, desire to achieve the best that life has to offer. Call me!

As an admin assistant, I work with a lot of these types of women. And if they act the same way in their personal life as they act at work, no wonder they can’t find a man that will date them. No man I know would ever date a woman who is snotty, testy, and pushy all of the time. The men I work with are much nicer than the women.

Comment for Ms. Successful&Lonely;

I would be interested to know if the pre-requisites you demand of your ‘future mate’ and even your family allow you any spontaneity at all. When love strikes you there is no ‘pocket-manual’ to run home to. Probably a trait of your success: you seem to want to micro-manage everything and everyone. Sad, because if you are all those things you say, you have much to offer! Just don’t try to “manage” it…..let it happen!

Reply to Successful and Lonely,

I regret that you interpreted my previous comments as being critical of you and your situation. Please, do not do so, for they were not meant to be. I was referring to the quotes in the article and the woman or women described in the article. What struck me was their whinny attitude and the total disregard of the other side of the equation, i.e. the men.

I do not in any way believe that successful women cannot be good wives and mothers and that they cannot find personal fulfillment. I know many who seem to have great lives. My sister-in-law has advanced far in her career and makes more money than her husband does. At the same my sister-in-law selected a mate who was totally secure with himself and their relationship and who would not be threatened by her success. I might also add that my sister-in-law is generous and caring and is a great deal of fun to be around. She is nothing like the woman in the article, yet she would be very successful by Ms. Fullbright’s standards. I also do not believe that every woman must have a man in her life to be happy. I applaud Mary M. and wish her the best.

As a happily, married woman who is still madly in love with her husband after 25 years of marriage, I do know that marriage for both me and my husband has required total commitment and that has involved compromise and at times sacrifice. That does not mean that either of us have not been free to pursue our dreams and things necessary to our personal growth. That also does not mean that either me or my husband have been perfect and have never made mistakes. My husband never asked me to give up anything unless it was somehow detrimental to the welfare of our family as a whole, and in the same respect I haven’t asked that either. I could have made as much or more money than him, but I wanted to stay home and raise my children. This is a choice I made for myself and would never impose it on anyone else. I knew what I wanted early on in life, and I made sure I married a man whose values and goals and priorities in life were similar to mine. I think that is something a person has to do when choosing a potential mate. Try them out in the important things such as attitudes, character, beliefs, etc., before you even think of trying them out in bed.

I think what we all need to remember here is that though trends exist and though we can make some generalities, in the end we are all unique human beings with our unique situations. This woman Ms. Fullbright describes is not really any of us any more than that Betty Crocker picture on the dinner mix boxes is (any one ever notice how unhappy and unpleasant this woman looks compared to the old Betty Crocker faces of old?) That face was redesigned sometime in the 1990’s to reflect the new American woman. In the same way, I believe Ms. Fullbright has perpetuated the same disservice to modern American women. Most of us would not even want to be that woman described in the article.

What these lonely women and so called sexpert aren’t getting at all is what it really means to be successful in this life. Obviously if they were truly successful they would not be so unhappy. To quote Helen Keller: “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
The men and friendships these women attract in their life are a reflection of who they are: shallow, materialistic and self-centered.
Be a generous, loving, and giving person and it will come back ten fold.
It’s still unbelievable how the most basic, simple, and oldfashioned notions of human relationships are lost on such “intelligent” and “educated” people.
There are plenty of poor, uneducated, unattractive women, along with very well educated, beautiful and intelligent women, who has found the true meaning of success. Thank goodness they are the ones caring for, loving, and rasing the next generation. They are the ones who deserve the great guys and wonderful, loving relationships.
I should know. I gave up a “great” carreer to follow a soldier around the world, and stay home taking care of our 3 sons. I would not trade this life for anything. I could not be more happy and satisfied. My hope for my sons is they will find the same joy and meaning of success in their own lives as they become men and as they follow their parents example of love and self-sacrifice.

This article is nothing but feminist fantasy - great women who are having trouble with love and why it is society’s or men’s fault. The author is so blinded by her female privilege that she is comfortable writing things that obviously conflict with reality.

For instance:
“For the last few decades, we have seen women slowly closing the gender gap in education, health and economic power.”
Women are not closing the gender gap in education - they are ahead and continuing to expand their lead with ever more resources being put in female education often at the direct expense of male education.
Women are not closing the gap in health - they are ahead. Women have been outliving men since the early 1900s and with the federal government and every state government having departments and agencies on women’s health but none on men’s health; men will not be catching up anytime soon.
Women are not closing the gap on economic power - they are ahead. Women control about 60% of the wealth in this country. Women spend about 80% of the money spent in the country. Women earn more than men for doing the same job if everything is equalized and more and more laws are being debated to continue giving women an unfair advantage.

Fox seems to have become a haven for feminist rhetoric. As most of the respondents to this thread are men I would suggest you guys write Fox and tell them you will not support them if they continue to spew anti-male garbage like this piece.

This piece needed a quick once-over before publishing. To say nothing of the obvious factual errors, were is the actual “reporting”? You don’t write a legitimate article that uses quotes from friends as a “proof”, and you most CERTAINLY don’t use far out-dated data! The style too is so incredibly one-dimensional, it takes one angle and ONE ANGLE ALONE (”bleh! men don’t like success!” to draw a conclusion about a HUGE trend.

lame.

In the old days, men who were in love, spoke out loud of their high regard and worship of their woman, of how much better, more beautiful and worthy of love she was than he.

These days women speak this way about each other. This worshiping tone has become the norm in a flood of publications and media events - an industry of flattery.
It has created an fake world in which every woman is beautiful, good, courageous, nurturing, and what not; if a character trait comes into fashion suddenly they all have it.
If they notice a shortcoming here and there, they are assured that these pale in comparison to men’s huge deficiencies.
Now all this would just be silly, if it didn’t make it so much harder for women to maintain good friendships and love relationships.

It seems to me, that it has created in many women a dependency on an inner conviction of their own beauty, loveliness and goodness, without which they feel lost. A golden shell, within which she feels safe. A bubble of love.

On the occasions that I have pointed out one of these women’s shortcomings so effectively that she had to see what she had done, I have seen them respond with aggression, with a nasty, taunting sneer, break down in depression or totally close off. Her inner conviction of beauty is shattered and she feels exposed as bad, ugly and unlovable.
One woman knows she is fooling herself, that the self-image of goodness she enjoys is untrue and but now she that feels exposed, she uses this opportunity to enjoy the darkness in herself. She revels for a short moment in her meanness, showing a nasty, amused smile.
Another becomes a dependent baby in desperate need of consideration and encouragement and without a clue of what to do.

A real person would say: you are right - sorry - how can I make it up to you?
A real person would know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that however lovable or unlovable you may see yourself, the health of your relationship depends on how lovable your partner sees you. So that it is essential to choose a partner, whose perception of your lovableness is restored when you make amends after you have wronged him. (Your willingness to own up to your mistakes may even be part of why he loves you - how’s that for a shocker. )
A real person would know that we all want to do awful things at times, and that we had better take that with a sense of humor.

Some female psychologist stands to make a reputation by writing this book about the addiction to and dependency on an unrealistic self image, created by the industry of flattering. Obviously, a man cannot do it.

To all the wealthy and successful woman who are living that single, uncommitted life, Im here to tell you that there is a cure for this. The cure is ED FEENEY, After a few dates with ED FEENEY, you will learn how much fun it is to share as I help you spend all your money. Another plus, with ED FEENEY is that those self-gradification days are over. Just one night with ED FEENEY and you will toss that vibrator in the garbage so fast our heads will spin. So remember all you rich, successful woman the cure is to take 1 ED FEENEY before you go to bed.

” I hate not being treated like a lady on a date.”

Do you act like a Lady? Or do you act like a man? (and I don’t mean Gentleman)

If a woman acts like a businessperson, i.e. behaving as though she’s trying to close a deal to her best advantage, she shouldn’t be surprised when the men she interacts with treat her as such, and do the same back to her. This sort of confrontation is, I submit, not a good foundation to beginning a relationship.

A relationship is for mutual benefit, and should be approached in such a fashion by both genders.