I’d like to see the study. Sounds like another case of asking the wrong meaningful questions. Having children forces you to “grow up” yourself, so It depends on what question you are asking to determine happiness versus what types of questions the study isn’t asking like perhaps about fulfillment. I seem to recall other studies that indicate that married couples with children live longer than those without children, that is, having something to live for when you start to get older.

Bunk! It would be good to find out what the data was based on, because kids in billions of families throughout history DO MAKE MARRIAGE HAPPIER! Perhaps the people researched for this silly study were too bent on having new cars, bigger homes, and other stuff, that only brings temporary happiness. I’ve known poor people with lots of kids who are happier than people with all the STUFF they want, and no kids.

That thing about the 12-16 years being the worst is the truth!!! Our 13 year old son is driving us nuts.

I don’t aggree with this study. Who did they find monkeys to do this research? As a Christian women I believe that children bring more joy to a marriage. Children are an inheritance from the Lord & if God allowed for children to be born he has a plan & he know what’s best. I have been married almost 15 years & we have a 4 1/2 year old son whom we love & admire. What kind of life would any marriage be without children.

I guess if you do not consider children a blessing and do consider them a burden, then the study would be right. However, if you want children, then there is the difference. My husband and I have been blessed with six children and we are very happy. We don’t have the stuff most of our neighbors have, we make do with less, so that I could be home with the children. We are happy, I could not imagine what child I would not wanted to have.

Kids are the devil !!!

I am married and have 4 beautiful children. I totally disagree with Harvard professor. I think the total opposite is true. Children add more joy and more fulfillment to a marriage!

Having children (we have four) presents huge challenges to the easy bliss of childless marriage. What my wife and I found out is that being a parent changes you profoundly, in good ways – you realize your flaws but you also become far more selfless, caring, giving, and loving that you are without children, because of the demands children make. Having children means giving up your own conveniences, and that is hard. But I would say that the happiness we’ve found through having children, and the positive changes we have had to make in our own character, have been more profound and have enhanced our marriage more than anything we could have experienced without children. We well remember how we realized, at the point when children came into our lives, how we really didn’t “get it” about what really mattered in life before children. No criticism of couples without children, but it is difficult to come to the same place character-wise without children because the demands and stresses of raising children are different from most any other of life’s demands. And the rewards are much greater as well.

This is ridiculous! If mommy and daddy need some time together they should hire a baby sitter and work on their marriage. Marriage is a responsibility as well as having children. It takes a wise couple to balance both accurately. Children are such a blessing from God. When you are old and gray it is nice to see grandkids and to have your children to take care of you in your ailing days.

I question the results of the researcher, and can’t help but wonder about bias coming from one who selfishly pursued his career to a PhD at an expensive school probably at the expense of others. Being hedonistic and self-driven does have its rewards; as does believing in relativistic morality. Children before they go to school are very happy and once they go to school become very unhappy, this doesn’t mean that it’s superior. As a couple married for 10 years prior to giving birth to our children, we wouldn’t say we were less happy and less fulfilled but rather greatly more so. It’s difficult to describe how great of a joy our children are, and for those who want to find solace otherwise by saying it’s the only joy, and that’s why it’s easy to say that (i.e., as stated in the article), lack insight. The problem is measuring happiness on a scale of commenting interviews is not the way to measure true fulfillment in life.

Wow! What a revelation. What’s next? A fully funded study discovering pregnancy causes weight gain?

What a load of garbage. My 5 children do nothing but add to our joy. The thrill of raising children together brings us together, makes our marriage stronger. If someone is unhappy about children, it’s because they’re selfish and immature, or their children have zero discipline and rule the house like tyrants.

Too bad that goofball’s mom and dad didn’t feel the same way. Then we wouldn’t have to be subjected to his pathetic opinions! Notice he included comments about “more sex”, kinda lets you know where his “heart” is. Poor man, wonder if he has any kids! After that comment, would they want to take care of him when he’s old?

Very interesting?!! Aren’t you glad your parents didn’t buy into this crap! Happiness depends on yourself NOT on the amount of diapers you change!

My marriage is exactly as this article described. We’ve been married 22 years. Our children are 13 & 16. And as I say they are a source of great joy & frustration. Our relationship without question deteriorated when they hit the teen years. My 16 yer old daughter is especially hard to take. If your teen is a joy to be around, you should count your blessings. I tell my wife we need to hang in there because the end is in sight. I’m sure we’ll look back much more fondly.

Of course children are a blessing! I love mine (10 and 16 year old boys) more than anything but I can’t wait to be alone and travel with my husband after they “fly the coop”!!

I don’t agree with this study. Who did they have monkeys to do the survey? As a Christian women I believe that children brings joy to any marriage. As the Bible says that children are an inheritance from the Lord. Then so God allowed children for a purpose on this earth & his design why would he allow children to be born. I have been married almost 15 years & we have a 4 1/2 year old son & he has been nothing but joy to us & we love him & admire him. This researcher needs to do another research because this is not true.

Kids make holidays and vacations alive! There is more excitement around the house all the time. There is more extended family togetherness when you have kids. Question: Does this prof have kids?

I imagine the questions go something like this:

Q: “In general, does getting up at 3am make you happy?”
A: “No”

Q: “Do you find yourself getting up at 3am for your child?”
A: “Yes”

Q: “In general, does worrying about other people make you happy?”
A: “No”

Q: “Do you worry about your child?”
A: “Yes”

I’m a brilliant researcher and understand the transitive property, you must be unhappy with kids – let’s publish this!

As a husband, father of five children and grandfather to one, I can only say that children enrich, enhance and are integral to happiness in marriage. My wife and I are in our 31st year of marriage and all I can say is our children have helped us grow, become less selfish, more aware of others needs, provided a source of solace and joy, despite the periodic troubles that come into everyone’s life, in short, allowed us to become more fully human, which in turn allows our growth as a couple.

Like many who reside in the iconic ivory towers of so-called higher education, this “researcher” is out of touch with reality. Having taught at the graudate level for 16 years, and having endured the system as a student and adjunct professor, I feel confident in my assesment.

Hopefully the Harvard professor will take this to heart and not procreate. While children are definitely an often exhausting obligation, they are also a source of unequaled joy.

Another study by a liberal professor at a liberal university in a liberal state telling us not to have children. If he was honest he would have simply admitted he is gay and supports gay marriage.

I disagree. having kids actually makes you grow as a person and as a couple.you really find out who you are and what you are made of when you have kids. sometimes it isn’t pretty, but other times it’s wonderful! I wouldn’t have it any other way!

it’s very sad that someone that should be smart is saying such stupid stuff. kids are a gift,not every can have kids. if you’re going to get married you should want to have kids, and if you don’t
DON’T GET MARRIED!! you can always find better looking guys out there. if someone’s relationship is not strong, yes it could be hard when you have kids. but that’s the biggest reason for getting married,is to work together to build a strong relationship. and when you have kids make sure you still go out together once or twice a week. that’s when you’ll get to talk about things you could to to make things work and strong. when you’ll get older who will take care of you??? NO ONE. and you know what ? you’ll be lucky if anyone even remmebers you

Intelligentsia not so intelligent.

My husband and I have five kids between 13 and 16 years of age. We think we’re losing our minds and have never been unhappier. We chose this for ourselves, and do love them, but we truly do count the days until they’re out of the house.

I have been married almost 5 years and we are expecting our 3rd child. My wife and I dated for 4 years prior to marriage. I can tell you that we wouldn’t be nearly as happy or have as strong of a marriage without those kids. The problem isn’t the kids, it is how the parent’s view the responsibility. Kids are a job yes, but first and foremost, they are a joy and God’s greatest gift to a married couple. As long as you spend enough time with the kids and enjoy them rather than stressing about them and how they aren’t behaving, etc., you will be fine. Also, the work/family balance has to be met. 2 full time career chasers won’t fit into a happy picture with kids. That’s not to say the wife (or husband) has to stay home full time because my wife works part time, but it basically boils down to perspective.

What a crock of hooey. We had children after many years into our marriage and both of us agree that having children has blessed us and made our marriage more meaningful. Before, we enjoyed each other, but now; there’s more to enjoy.

Rigged study… Married people are happier, no question. Expecting a child is exciting, the possibilities are endless. A new born, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, crying without separate cries… I love both my kids (under 2), but remembering being a teenager, I won’t pretend that I’m looking forward to those years… 12-16… old enough to hate parents but too young to drive.

Of course happiness drops RIGHT AFTER THE BIRTH, you have newborn issues and none of the benefits of little kids that starts in 3-6 months.

Hey, at the end of the day, its all about what you value. If you value money and sex, then of course this guy’s theory, that kids are a burden which makes it harder for you to have more money and sex, makes complete sense.

If, however, you value children and family more than money and sex, then this guy is way off.

What this study says is that some people today are selfish. (big surprise?) Its money and sex and enjoying THEMSELVES which makes them happy. THEY want to live a long time. That they don’t want to make the sacrifices that come with raising a child.

Guess what, if that’s how some people feel, then don’t have kids.

My dad always said, “i don’t understand people who sigh relief when their kids graduate high school and move out, to me, if i could do it all over again today, i would do it in a heartbeat, those years were the best of my life”

That doesn’t sound like a person who’s life and happiness went downhill when his kids were born!

If you don’t think kids will bring joy to your life, then don’t have them!

I agree with the professor. I just recently had my first child and he has brought me and my boyfriend each more joy than we ever thought possible. Has it strained our relationship? Of course! But this is new unmarked territory for us both and we were brought up differently and it does force you to grow up immediately. That and the complete lack of sleep and the stress of trying to keep up with housework and our jobs outside of the house. While we may be a bit more stressed, we also enjoy our family time together a lot more than we did before our son was born. Our time together seems more meaningful.

Children CAN lead to unhapiness, IF they’ve been raised incorrectly.
I would vouch for the findings based on current parenting styles. It is time for parents to STEP UP by acting as a unit and getting to church. Everything else will fall into place.

The continual attack on the traditional family unit continues to subvert the foundation of this nation. Dare we assume that our nation is concerned with moral, meaningful and God ordained relationships? If we make this assumption, the male (husband) and the female (wife) in their proper roles must grow in their commitment, compassion, and accountability to each other (and their children) and maintain a teachable spirit. We have developed a mindset in the USA that teaches us to abandon unwanted animals, debts and relationships. Could the respondents have failed to receive relationship building instruction and role modeling from their own developmental family life years and now lack the necessary ingredients to expand their roles? If we are to take responsibility for our choices and conduct, we need to go back to the OLD PATHS that worked for most of pre-1960 America. With record numbers of divorces, abortions, co-habitations, child and spouse abuse cases, family abandonments, prison populations, drug users, and debt junkies, we must admit the new social engineering programs have FAILED! It is time for moms and dads to grow up and take responsibility for their actions and invest their time and resources into building a real family.

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?

If you view the meaning and purpose of this life as the pursuit of self-gratification, then the study is probably true. The researchers seem to have defined happiness in terms of satisfaction of the senses, immediate carnal pleasures, and the feeding of our lower passions.

In line with the previous comments, however, I would propose that throughout history, mankind has understood the dynamic of human maturation. As we grow from (naturally) egocentric children into balanced adults, we broaden our capacity to engage in reciprocal, self-giving relationships with others. Who would not praise a child who willingly sacrifices his dessert for a friend who forgot to bring lunch to school? Acts of sacrifice like this seem to be categorized by these researchers as capable only of bringing sadness.

As commented above, all it takes is a brief encounter with some of the world’s poorest to see — to be touched by — a truly happy person. Mother Theresa comes to mind. Contrast this mature, fully human happiness with the emptiness apparent in those who have chased temporal pleasures to the detriment of their higher nature, their souls.

I would venture that, ironically, even though the researchers claim children cause unhappiness in married adults, a better conclusion would be that this “unhappiness” is actually the pouting of children posing as married adults who refuse to grow up and learn how to be truly happy in a mutually self-donating marriage.

Peter Kreeft, a philosopher teaching at Boston College, gives a wonderful explanation of this concept of human happiness (the “argument from desire”) in this online audio / podcast: http://peterkreeft.com/audio/08_arguments-for-god.htm

I think your right…….you shouldn’t have been born!

Give me a break, my wife and I have seven children, and are definitely happier than the day we were married. Our children have brought more to our marriage than anything else, but yet we enjoy each other, just as any couple without children would. Children are obviously a huge responsibility, and sacrifice, for any couple, but raising them to be genuine, engaged human beings, is the biggest accomplishment a couple, or any person, for that matter, can attain. It seems to me that the author is stating that we “think” we find joy is having children because they are the “only” focus of our lives, when in reality, we really are not happy, but very sad? I am sorry, but this is quite a perverted view of raising children, my wife, is my single greatest source of joy in my life, I love my children dearly, and consider them a great asset to our marriage, but they are far from the “single greatest source of joy”. A couple chooses how involved they are in their child’s life, it seems to me some parents tend to live through their children, pushing the kids to all ends, which in the long run, seems to make them less happy, and a lot more tired, at the end of the day. The only sadness I get out of my children is when they buy into some “popular” trend, scientific, media or society driven, such as, lets say, “the more kids you have, the sadder you were likely to be”. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder, and the amount of joy in our marriage and child raising will never be proved otherwise from some silly “scientific scrutiny”.

This article may send the wrong message to the reader. Couples who are unprepared for children in their life will be unhappy. The article should focus on the fact that an introduction of a child into a relationship may bring unhappiness initially; however, long term happiness will surely follow if families have realistic expectations and a well planned future.

I think the research is right…..you shouldn’t have been born……

The professor is an idiot & proves how out of touch with the American public far-left Academia really are. Children are a gift from God & marriage is what YOU make of it. Obviously Professor Gilbert is selfish & has forgotten he was once a child himself. I find married couples who have kids, as many as they want, are some of the happiest people I know. The American Left prefer to kill their children through abortion & their opinion should not be taken seriously. Keep having kids folks, they’re really a joy to have & should be cherished.

ok, I see a difference of opinions on how people feel about this study. So, for those of you who have not yet gotten married and started a family (notice how I put the “gotten married” part in there, and FIRST), here’s your challenge:

If you agree with the study wholeheartedly, don’t have kids.

If you don’t agree with the study, you should be good to go.

For those of us who are already married with children, if you agree with the study, you are selfish. I feel sorry for your kids.

If you don’t agree with the study, your fine.

Nuff said.

I’d really be curious to find out how this study was conducted and who was interviewed. From my perspective, married and with children, this study is a complete croc.

Having children does mean that a married couple needs to prepare for changes to their lives and anyone who goes into marriage without figuring out the obvious should probably stay single. If you think being married is about what you can get out of a relationship don’t stray into that territory, even without kids mariage requires sacrifice and selflessness and kids compound those requirements. If the marriage was worth sticking out before the children arrived though than its no problem what’s a little more time to get back into cinq again and figure out how to continue to keep the home fires burning with children now in the family.

When it was just me and my wife I wondered if I could ever split my love for her with a child. When my daughter came I learned that I didn’t split anything, my ability to love grew to encompass my daughter as well as my daughter, and again when my son came along.

It comes down to Self vs. Selfless. If you’re hung up on self you’re setting yourself up for self destruct. If you’re able to practice being selfless (as much as any human can), well the road may be bumpy, but the endgame is well worth the effort.

Just another assault on the family by yet another liberal insecure Harvard employee. If this passes for meaninful research my opinion of Harvard just went down …again!

Mark Twain once said, “There are three kinds of lies. Lies, damn lies, and statistics.” I don’t care what the statistics say. Being married does not automatically make you happier, healthier, wealthier, live longer or have more & better sex – kids or not. I’ve been married some six years, and it’s “none of the above” for me. I’m just as glad we don’t have children. If I’d known then what I know now, I’d never have gotten married.

Our three are 16, 13 and 10. The rigors of teenage children have made my husband and me cling to each other like never before!! I keep telling myself that it’s natural for my 16 year old to be unbearable…it won’t be as hard to say goodbye when he starts college in a year and half!! People tell me he will be a grateful and loving son again when he’s about 25..I’ll let you know!

As an academic, I can say that academia in general is hostile to children and families. This may in some respects influence this researcher’s work. It is particularly bad at Ivy League and large research universities, where professors work long hours to pump out scholarly publications, which doesn’t leave time for personal obligations. A professor who adjusts his or her schedule to spend quality time with family might not be seen as serious enough, which leads to women waiting until very late to have children (until after they have tenure), and to hiding pregnancies, etc. It is a rather political, oppresive, and cut-throat environment in many schools. For many people, it is a 24/7 job that doesn’t allow for much of a life outside. I’m lucky to be at a school now that values families and has even gone out of its way to provide paid family leave, on-campus day care, etc. I don’t know if other professions are like this–law, medicine, etc. There are many publications out there that have studied academic departments and shown a higher-than-usual number of divorced and single/never-been-married professors. In my own graduate school days, there was only one professor in my department who was married to his first wife. Everyone else was either single, divorced, or on wife #3 (often a much younger graduate student). I wouldn’t call this a “liberal” phenomenon as some posters have, it is just the profession. But the overall attitude might be influencing this particular study–the perspective from which it is performed, the questions asked participants, etc. Sometimes these studies say more about the researchers than about the subjects.

We have six kids and today have been married 24 years. My husband and I have never been happier, having gone through all the joys and pains of both marriage and child-rearing. Any questions?

These kinds of conclusions come from the selfish ivy leaguers who are afraid to have children because they think they may grrow up smarter than they are.

It is all because society tells you that you must get married and you must have children to be a normal American. People can’t even tell you why they want to get married and reproduce other then “What else am I supposed to do”.

Then I hear the stupid argument that I am not mature enough, etc. Anyone can reproduce or less they medically unable. Reproducing is showing maturity. I think I show enough maturity not to have multiple kids I don’t want running the earth and at least my college education showed me how to properly use a condom.

Mr Harvard must not have any children. My husband and I only love each other more now. We still see each other as we did when we were dating but now there is another side of him that I love even more. Him being a wonderful father seems to turn me on. We have our second child on the way and couldn’t be happier.

I agree for the most part with the research. I have been happliy married for 5 years, and am very happily child free by choice. I’m not saying that the reason I’m happliy married is because I am child free, but I have the brains to tell me that if I were to have children, my life would change dramatically. This would most certainly lead to some unhappiness. I enjoy my freedom, my husband and I enjoy taking spontaneous trips, going out to dinner, going to the movies on a whim, spending time with our friends, etc…. Having a child would change EVERYTHING. Most people who have lives like ours think that they want children; until they actually have them and reality sets in. No more spontaneous nights of romance, no more long weekend vacations to the beach, no more quiet nights home alone in front of the fire. How could you could be happy by exchanging that life for one filled with crying and screaming, being up all night changing diapers, tantrums, not being able to go out to dinner without planning in advance for a babysitter, and everything else that goes along with children? EVERYTHING in your life revolves around the kids after you have them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you are less happy with your life after having kids. That does not make you a bad person. No where in the research did it say that the study says “married people who have children are unhappy and don’t love their kids”

My husband AND children have brought me immense joy. If someone asked me, “Would I do it again?” In a heartbeat! And maybe even have more. The best things in life (I have found) are those that I work hard achieving, and raising children isn’t easy. Some people are meant to be parents and it comes to them quite naturally, while others are not. Isn’t it nice to know we have a choice. My family (both my husband AND my children) are the most important aspect of my life. I am very blessed. This study seems to have stepped on a very large, sensitive nerve.

Of course those of you with kids are going to say you’re happier because of it. Anybody who makes a conscious decision is likely to defend it when somebody questions them.

Everybody I know who doesn’t have kids are happy they don’t. Everybody I know who has kids love them like nothing else. Which group is happier? I’d say those without kids are by far.

What this study should have looked at is how much other people’s kids decrease other people’s happiness when we’re trying to enjoy a quiet dinner or movie in public!

It’s funny how some people still believe the only point to marriage is to breed…nothing good about companionship?

One should ask why the media chose to publish this “study”. Could it be that they are part of an effort to reduce the population? Hmmmm…..

I have 5 children and yes children are a joy, but it is nice when they leave the nest and then my husband and i have had time for ourselves. it is very nice going to dinner and long wekends anytime we get ready. i would do it all over again, but this time in life is probably the most stress free.

I absolutely agree. My youngest of FIVE children is graduating and flying out of the nest and I am embarassed at how overjoyed I am about it. Now MY life begins!

My wife and I have 5 children ages 2-12. I can honestly say I would not change a thing. My wife would even like to have another. Our children have been a blessing. Also, I am a pastor and have dealt with a lot of couples who have struggled to get pregnant. When the wives did finally become pregnant and the couple had a child, they were happier than before. It sounds as though this was the answer the researcher was hoping to get before he did the research.

All we need is another well educated person making an “educated, well researched” statement that our children make our marriages unhappy. We have six children and I can tell you while it’s not all been a bed of roses, our marriage problems have very little to do with them. When a problem did arise, it was usually the fault of one of the adults, not the children. All children need to hear is that their existence makes their parents marriage unhappy. Oh yes, that certainly helps their self-esteem, especially during their teenage years!

If more “parents” would take marriage seriously and realize it is supposed to be a one-time covenant, not a “well if it works out” event or an “if I meet someone else who I l ike better” choice, then it wouldn’t matter how many children you did or didn’t have. The world has decided that you can get out of a marriage about as quick as you get into one. Unfortunately, the baggage that accompanies a divorce is not as quick to resolve itself.

If we are “adults”, we should take the blame of our “unhappy marriages”, on ourselves, get help to work it out, and stop trying to find someone else to blame! Really! When did “educated individuals” become so important in our culture that somehow a statement can replace the responsibility we all should embrace. If you can’t handle the responsibility of marriage, don’t have children! Put the blame where it belongs! The audasity!

I’m not some liberal PhD but after reading the comments on this page I have to disagree with his “research”. I myself have one child and she has done nothing but enrich our lives. I have to agree and give a big thumbs up to “Wolfs” comments!

It is just one’s perspective on marriage and kids, right?

Being the mother of a 4 year old, I have come to realize that parenthood is a great experience that anyone, who can handle the ups and downs of raising a child, should have. Being a parent, you WILL have some good days and you WILL have some bad days but once that little person comes into your life, you can’t imagine what your life would be like without them. I tried…it didn’t work

Does having children put a strain on your marriage? At times, it does. As a mother you have to be able to equally share yourself with your children as well as your spouse which I have found difficult at times because my daughter is the only child and enjoys being the center of my attention. Luckily (or not), my husband is a firefighter so I try to devote at least one day to him when he comes home. I think the most important issue for us is being able to know when we’re reaching an “unhappy” moment and do something about it. For those of you with 20+ years of marriage and children, Congratulations! It helps me to stay focused on what really matters and knowing that though marriage and kids can be difficult, its worth to make it work.

My wife and I just stood in the street and waved good bye to our son, who is driving back to college for his senior year. We miss him already. Our little girl is just finishing a great second year at a major university, and we look forward to her coming home for the summer. There was not a day we didn’t love and enjoy our kids. I wanted one more child, but my wife said no, two is enough, so, we had two. Cannot imagine life without them. Now, what’s the moron’s point? Oh yes, my Dad was a Harvard graduate. I was born in Boston as he was finishing his MBA on the GI Bill. But, that was Harvard, back then. For now, it’s just a school for real smart kids learning to be real smart kids. With professors like this one, no wonder smart kids go through school without learning anything. Oh, dear, I must sound angry. And, I miss my kids.

GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING ON FOXNEWS.COM SO STOP COMING ON HERE AND PROCLAIMING YOUR RELIGIONS PLEASE….ITS ANNOYING AND NOONE REALLY CARES WHAT YOUR RELIGIOUS PREFERENCE IS. THAT ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT WHEN YOU WRITE SOMETHING STUPID IT GIVES OFF THE STEREOTYPE THAT YOUR WHOLE RELIGION IS STUPID. PLEASE KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. THANKS HAVE A NICE DAY.

“Bunk” and “Bull” are the first two words to come to mind with this ’study’. The purpose of marriage IS to have children, not to avoid having them. Unless one is of the mindset of it’s ‘just the two of us’ who are in love, the whole notion of getting married is to procreate.
What one expects in this life — which is not the end-all of living — may very well cause some people to view children as a ‘bother’ or a ‘problem’ rather than an opportunity to witness God’s love, along with the love of a husband and a wife. If it’s material wealth alone (stuff, and more stuff) one desires, children will compete for the almighty dollar which in turn causes a marriage to go into that spiral.
I believe the term for getting married, having children, and growing in love for one another is summed up in the world ‘fulfilled’ in every sense of the word.

Egg Heads they are so smart!!!

It is the parents that make bad kids actually, but also, I think people are totally obsessed with having too many kids that they cant afford monetarily or timewise. They crank them out only to find out they take patience and guidance and lots of love. Just like people who get animals beause they are cute…people have too many kids because they are cute. I think when people have too many and cant provide properly, the parents are being selfish. And the issue with having too many and the older ones become the parents..helping to raise the siblings.
Having children should be based on intelligent planning but if that was the case, we would have about a third of the people in the world!!

I agree with JB 100%1

This is a bunch of crap!!!!

Wow….is this professor off his/her rocker. I’ve never heard such ridiculous talk in all my life (well, except for the current democratic race). Our children have enriched our marriage. They are a gift and I enjoy every moment, good or bad, that I have with them. There will be times in our lives where there is frustration, anger, sadness, etc but those times happen even without having children. Please professor, you obviously didn’t do your research very well and didn’t ask those with fantastic marriages and fantastic children what our opinion is. Our children are talented, beautiful, smart, artistic, athletic, sensitive, creative, loving and giving. Hmmm, who do you think they learned most of those attributes from????? US OF COURSE!! We weren’t sad one bit when we held them, sang to them, loved them, watched them win or lose games, listened as they told us their inner most thoughts on life, love and the pursuit of happiness….and guess what??? Our children want to get married and……that’s right…..have children. SAD??? I don’t think so.

Kids don’t make a bad marriage. Selfish, immature parents make for bad marriages. This study only reinforces the impression many kids ALREADY have that when mom and dad split, it’s THEIR FAULT!! Wrong, Mr. Professor!! It’s NOT the kid’s fault when marriages go south.
I’ve been married for nearly 29 years…to the same woman, mind you. I don’t have the best marriage in the world either. The fault in our marriage being in shambles lies with my wife and I. We never took the time to do things together…to court, even after the wedding. We never cultivated our friendship that we had early on, and we grew apart. We’re strangers, now, and it’s probably not fixable. What I want to know is HOW ON EARTH is that the fault of my children?

This Harvard clown is the best evidence that colleges in America today aren’t teaching our children anything but trash.

So let’s see… many of the respondants with children seem to have the attitude that childless people are less human with a lower level of character, probably selfish and immature, possibly gay, and doomed to unfulfilled lives. In addition, they seem to think not having children means that childless people cannot possibly “understand.” And, of course, all their children are wonderful. I have worked with over 1,500 14 year old children over the years. Very few have been wonderful. Many have been cheaters, liars, fornicators, and substance abusers devoid of responsibility and respect for others. Now I see why. These parents need to shift their focus from their unequaled joy and condescending scorn of those who dare to question their blissful lives to simply doing the job of parenting that they chose. And if parents like Jane pay as much attention to their children as they do their punctuation and spelling, then their children are probably raising themselves.

I agree with this study and it reflects the real world I have seen and witnessed in my life. Children can be a cause of happiness and joy and can also be a relationship killer. I have many friends with kids and a few without and without a doubt the ones without kids bicker less, fight less, do more things together and are actually more fun to be around. When together, my friends with kids would never admit to being unhappy, but get them away from the kids and spouses and you will hear a different song. They complain mostly that their spouses are not the people they married and they miss the one on one time. 2 of the couples with kids are contemplating divorce and both have already been unfaithful.

I personally have noticed that the older a couple is when they have kids, the more likely that they get along better and stay together. But again this is not a scientific study, just my observations. I do think that it really depends on the people in the first place. If you are mature enough to survive in a relationship, you will probably be able to handle the weight of kids in that relationship.

And people, what the h3ll does this have to do with liberalism, fairytale sky gods or the media’s choice to publish the story?

That guy is daft! Perhaps he is “rationalizing” abortion and childlessness like conservatives “rationalize” the gaps between rich and poor! This Harvard professor is obviously an unhappy liberal who thinks that conservatives (who usually find their children a source of joy) should be miserable, too. I would like to see the nuts and bolts of the study. I’m sure it’s not very good. What was the sample size? What questions were asked? Were there controls? What were the demographics of the participants?
I don’t like it when the media makes generalizations from studies whose sample size usually account for less than 1% of the population of the U.S.!!! Take it all with a grain of salt, boys and girls.

As a friend of mine has aptly said, “Being a parent is the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows.”

As the old joke goes, “Q: When does Life Begin? A: When the dog dies & the kids leave home.”

As a scientist I can say, “I’d like to see the premises on which the study is predicated, and the level of peer-review it received.”

As an investor I can say, “Short term versus long term investing are two entirely separate things.”

As a father and husband I can say, “The study conclusions certainly don’t apply to me!”

I will go as far to say that children are not easy to raise and introduce strains and stresses that wouldn’t be there otherwise in the marriage. I do, however, agree with the first comment that it forces you to “grow up”. I think the great majority of parents would disagree with this article. They would say it’s difficult to raise children but in the end they don’t regret it one bit. I do find it sad that there are an increasing number of parents who love their children but wish they hadn’t had them. That just seems irresponsible to me and those parents haven’t caught the meaning of families yet. If someone wants just possessions and toys then yes children are going to “drag” them down.

[...] Fox News reports: Marriage has been shown, through research, to be an unending source of joy, a Harvard professor said at an Australian conference this week. [...]

How is it that somebody can leave messages under a false name? Doesn’t fox match email addresses?

Regardless, The original post under this name isn’t by the same idiot who used it to type in all caps. Unlike him, I’ve got a decent grasp of the english language.

Most of this argument does boil down to one’s view of God. Whether you see a child as a gift from God or an obnoxious, expensive, ungrateful teenager has everything to do with one’s religious views.

Personally, kids aren’t nearly as obnoxious as their coddling parents. I just thank God I was born before 1990… at least parents focused on raising a responsible adult… today I see parents acting like their kid’s best friends.

People used to have kids to help support the family … now it’s primarily to have something cute and cuddly that is dependent on you to take care of it … like a pet. A lot of people are perfectly happy and secure without that constant reassurance, and they enjoy living their lives without kids.

I do not know one couple with kids whose relationship is better than ours, with no kids. Most of the couples we know wouldn’t even be married if it weren’t for their kids. How’s that for happiness?

Those of you with kids who think we’re happier because we have more “stuff” are clueless. It is mostly because we have freedom (to truly enjoy ourselves without jumping through hoops or dragging the little monsters along with us everywhere) and the ability to do what we want with our lives. We don’t have to sacrifice everything “for the kids.” That being said, you shouldn’t have kids unless you are willing to sacrifice everything for them. Most people learn that the hard way and too late, though, which is why so many kids are completely obnoxious these days.

Oh, and not being willing to live our lives around snotty (literally and figuratively), rude, unmannered little beasts makes us “selfish.” Yes, those are your “sweet, innocent, perfect” little children I’m talking about. Something (must be hormones) makes parents blind and deaf to their children’s horribleness.

I’ve actually had people who have kids tell me “oh, you should have kids,” which is the epitome of rudeness. How would they like it if I told them they shouldn’t have had kids? Then I would be the rude one?

All people who have kids claim to be “better people” because of the experience, but if that’s true, then some of you must have been incredibly horrid people before having kids. There is NOTHING about having kids that automatically turns you into a better person than someone without kids.

I applaud those of you who are honest enough to admit that having kids messed up your lives.

I have read most of the comments on this page and I agree with the people who say that some people are meant to be parents and some aren’t. I love my son so much but sometimes I wish I would have had him later in life. I would have liked to have finished college but I didn’t. It is not my son’s fault. It was my choice. I wanted to stay home with him. For those of you with no children, I can totally understand where you are coming from. Before I had mine, I had never even held a baby. I didn’t really like kids. So, I do not think that you are bad people because you don’t want kids. There is nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with having seven children. My grandparents did and they are happy, but that is what THEY wanted…. As for this Harvard study. It is bull. You can’t base the whole population of America on a group of 100 people, or however many they used. It was probably done on people that live in a certain part of the country. I think that makes a difference. I know I am happy with how my marriage is turning out and I can tell that a lot of you are too, so who cares about this stupid study anymore.

It’s like everything else in life: a tradeoff. The problem is that we have a generation,probably more like two to three generations,of adults who don’t get that their own childhood is over. Grow up and accept adulthood. If you want to be Peter Pan for the rest of your life, DON’T HAVE KIDS!

It took how many researchers with what advanced degrees to come up with this?

Surprise! Kids stress your marriage.

Big Surprise!! 12-16 are the worst years.

Who, without the benefit of those ivory tower intellectuals would ever have guessed that teenagers would be so much trouble? Gosh!

I think Daniel Gilbert is way off base. He said when you ask parents they say their children bring them joy or happiness, but that is only because their whole world revolves around them and they don’t know anything else. The only people I have known who weren’t happy after children were self centered people who did not like it that they were not getting all of the attention from their spouse after having children. Children bring a huge amount of happiness to a family.

People who marry before discussing in detail their views on childrearing are the ones who will have problems. Fighting about the kids is a big factor in divorce because too many people make marital decisions based on glandular responses instead of practical compatibility. Then there are those parents who think their job is to please Jr./Lil’ Princess every moment and wonder why they’re not enjoying parenthood.

People who think happiness means more disposable income and leisure time as opposed to challenging and meaningful work will come crashing down too. It’s amazing how many otherwise rational adults will be shocked to learn it’s not all about them now that the baby has arrived. (They are usually those Jr./Lil’ Princess types in adult bodies.)

I love our children and grandchildren. I love the hectic life we lived, when they were at home and now that they are married and with children. I love being able to help when needed and to have grandchildren to care for and play with. Our three children weren’t perfect, but they were not in trouble with the law and made decent grades, went to college and obtained jobs. None of these were handed to them, our children had to work and attend college, some went on scholarships for a couple of years, but they new that life would be difficult without it. Our children were raised in church, they had to attend most Sundays. Our thought was that if you could be out late and attend all the things you wanted to do in school, then you could afford a couple of hours in the Lords house. Not sure, what makes or brakes a family, some don’t really try to work at their marriage, only their jobs. Marriage is a job, you don’t take it for granite. We were all children once, what made each of us, like we are today? What did you do when you were young. We’ll all say that things were different then, not really, we all faced the challange of the time, it’s not different today than yesterday. It’s what we make of it. We had three children, all in sports and music, we attended, basketall, baseball, softball, cheerleading, volleyball, track, chorus, from 8th grade through college. We made time for them and now they make time for us.

Well, I certainly hope he doesn’t have any kids!

Research that says children minimize marriage happiness is a BUNCH OF BUNK

We have 5 children and are planning on having several more. It certainly isn’t easy, but
my wife and I are MUCH HAPPIER – in fact, are children are our most valuable “assets”.

It is true, however, that having children requires you and your spouse to be MUCH LESS SELF-CENTERED, and to THINK OF OTHERS and their needs, before your own.

Not easy to do if you value your Harvard career more than your posterity.

Forgive me if I sound a little synical – this is truly one of the more silly research studies I’ve come across.

-David Grant Miller
Author of The “Mentally Ill” Mentor: Practical Principles for Achieving and Maintaining Balance in Your Life (Can be found on Amazon)

Your comment was absurd to say the least. Of course in todays society The Bible is a no no but here it is anyway. It states, “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full”. I raised 11 children. His mine and ours. We are blessed beyone measure. We have 24 children. Good workers, lovers of God, Home and Children. 24 Grands and 2 Greats. I couldn’t disagree with you more.

All I have to say regarding the author of this is he obviously has never had any children, and, in my opinion, I hope he never does.

I’m 24 and have been married almost four years and have no kids, and no immediate plans of kids. My husband and I consider ourselves happier than most couples. We spend a lot of time together, focusing on each other’s well-being, and nurturing our relationship. When we first started dating both of us agreed that we did not want kids. I, in particular, came from a pretty negative childhood experience. I was never a “babysitter” girl by any means. But, this past year I have felt a calling to become involved in the lives of the inner city kids at our church and in the community. I tutor a girl once/twice a week at an Inner City Learning Center…and I cannot tell you how I have been touched and have felt my life enriched by her and other kids there. My heart goes out to them, and now I yearn to bring someone into the world to love and show the world to and to experience life with. I long for my future child to be the one to bring comfort to the kids that are always out there, the ones that are neglected, abused, and not loved. It’s a really scary thought, though. I have more fears than not. There is always a risk with bringing life into this world because this life is so full of pain. The last thing I want to do is bring someone into the world who does not find joy and God… People blame parents so often, but parents are just people… Even I am able to look at my past negative experience and accept that life is unfair – and my experiences were actually extremely lucky compared to others’. We need more people in the world that love and are shown love, and having kids is one way to do that!…

Whether or not children make marriages less happy really depends on the couple. I’ve known couples in which the wife is thrilled to become a mother while the husband has been reluctant to become a father. However, the husband “gives in” to the wife’s wishes – and often nagging – to become a parent instead of speaking up and voicing why he doesn’t want to become a parent himself. As a result, when the child or children are born, the husband becomes an uninvolved, distant parent and resents his wife and/or the children for taking his wife’s attention. And the wife pulls back even more from the husband as a result as his being distant and resentful, and lavishes her attention on the children instead of him.

It’s very important that spouses be on the same level when it comes to deciding whether or not to have children, and when to have that first child, and to agree that SPOUSES SHOULD COME FIRST. My own parents, who raised three daughters and have been happily married for more than 55 years, always made sure to go out without my sisters and me and enjoy some of the life they had as a couple BEFORE my oldest sister was born (They also had several years to themselves as a couple before she was born). They became parents only after both my mother and my father were equally eager to take on the challenges of parenthood.

I’ve also seen wives act like utter harpies and nags when they become mothers, and treat their spouses as if they are not capable of childcare and/or housework, even if the spouses want to be involved. That is very disrespectful, and should not be tolerated in marriages!

For the record, my husband and I made a mutual decision a few years ago to not have children of our own – partly because we both have health problems and believe we could not handle the stress of raising a child (and it is somewhat stressful even if both parents share the childcare). But we were also happy with our family being “just us” and our pets, and didn’t feel we would miss anything by not being parents. We have eight nieces and nephews whom we love, and helping our siblings care for them and spending time with them gives us enough satisfaction.

And “Frank” – Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean we’re not “grown up!” (I hate this assumption about childless couples). We’re more grown up than one of our siblings, who, as an irresponsible, stressed-out parent, has increasingly relied on others to care for the children and provide money.

I think it’s couples who don’t think parenthood through before becoming pregnant whose marriages crumble after the children are born. They must realize that marriages DO become unhappy after children arrive if both parents weren’t eagerly looking forward to raising children and if both aren’t willing to share the load of childcare, and if one or both of the spouses don’t treat each other with the respect and love they had before the children were born.

When I was a child and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I happily said, “A Daddy”.
My Wife and I have been married 10 years and God has blessed us with 5 of the coolest individuals I have ever met in my life. We have 4 boys and a baby girl. My wife homeschools our children and from this we recieve so many blessings. GOD continually gives us challenges both in our marrige and in our parenting, (my 6 year old has ADD). Our children are our life – but early on in our parenting carreer, I had to make the decision to put my wife first. – That may seem odd, but I believe that my marrige comes second only to GOD. Then comes my children.

To any mother of boys, and fathers for that matter – I would strongly suggest reading “Bringing Up Boys”, by Dr. Dobson. His insight into the family dynamics of boys is incredible.

As to children being a source of unhappiness, I say absolute B.S. Losing a child is a source of unhappiness. My wife recently miscarried twins – and our whole family is still trying to get over the pain. My six year old continually asks when we’ll have another baby.

I believe it all comes down to a true Pro-Life belief (I’m not talking about abortion) Some one can be anti-abortion and yet not Pro-Life. Life is the greatest gift we can recieve from GOD but more importantly it is the greatest gift we can give back to GOD. Life is beautiful, children are the joy of the world. Like mother Teresa said,”Saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers.

At the end of a bad day at the office, I cannot wait to get home to my screaming banshees with their cries of “DAAAADDDYYYYYY”

This shows how truly materialistic the world has become. Way to many times children are viewed as burdens instead of blessings. When we start to put people first instead of status/wealth/possessions…then we will start to grasp true happiness. This study is in a word- ABSURD!!!

I grew up with two older brothers that literally made my mother cry almost every day of her life. They were terrors and, as they got older, they were both in jail at some point or another. She tried so hard to get through to them and keep them on the right path, but all I could see was all the pain and anguish they caused her. She stuck it out and never gave up on them despite all the misery and it finally worked. Was it all worth it? They took a lot out of her, but she will say yes. After growing up with all that I decided a long time ago I couldn’t do it. I know not all kids are like that and if you’re going to take that step and have children you have to be absolutely sure that’s what you want. Children would have made me miserable, but I’ve always known I wasn’t meant to be a parent. If having a family is what married couples decide is what they want, I don’t see how that would make them unhappy.

I have been married to my high school sweetheart for twelve years. We are childless and godless, yet we are happy, attracted to each other, devoted to each another, and we really enjoy each other’s company. When people ask why we got married if we don’t want kids, I look at them as if they’re from Mars and I reply that I got married because I love the man and want to grow old with him. I’m sure that children do add a lot of joy as well as challenges to one’s life, but children add nothing to the lives of people who do not want them. The fact that some people don’t want children seems to offend some parents. The fact that some people are happy in their lives without children must be even more maddening to them! Some people are happily married with children, some are happily married without children. Some parents are absolutely miserable, selfish, immature creatures, and the same can be said for many people without children. I have known since I was a child that children were not in my plans, and I don’t believe that I would be a good mother. Maybe it can be argued that if more people who feel like I do would refrain from having children, this world would be a better place. Every child should have parents who eagerly await their arrival and who are devoted to them. Parenthood is one job that a person cannot afford to do half-assed.

Let’s see if I have this straight — married couples report decreasing happiness as their family gets larger and the children move into the teenage years. (Is anyone particularly surprised here?) Yet married couples overall are still more happy than single people. So singles must be getting increasingly unhappy as time passes as well. Are childless couples the only people on the planet who are holding steady or rising on the gleefulness curve? The article doesn’t say. I, for one, doubt it.

Perhaps decreasing happiness is actually a decrease in the self-centered denial that characterizes adolescence. Advancing age is usually accompanied by greater maturity, understanding the need to make sacrifices, coming to the age where loved ones encounter poor health or financial reverses, and shouldering some responsibility for contributing to someone’s well-being besides their own. Wait. Didn’t we used to call that growing up?

Does this guy have a wife and kids?

A lot of the respondents with children sound defensive, as if they are trying to convince themselves how much happier they are. When you want to spend some quality time with your spouse, and you feel brushed off because the children are actively competing for your significant other’s attention, I guarantee that will lower your happiness level. That is just a fact. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids, or acknowledge all the ways they do enrich your life, it is just how you feel at that moment. The study is not saying don’t have children, it’s merely pointing out a fact that people may need to be concious of while raising children. There is no need to label people who don’t have children as “not getting it” that’s a cop-out.

Inheritance are God’s son, bit to bit, the man is leaving out of parameter from God. now the teacher says is better to live without children. one family needs to have children. is a Joy, the love for the opposite sex is very different to the love’s children.

Thank you so much for the opportunity.

Juan Luis.

Children are a large problem when they have selfish parents.

I’ve really gotten to the point where I pay no attention to any academic studies from the so-called institutions of higher learning. Just more anti-family, anti-american sentiment from the communist education block. Parents – do your children a real favor: Teach them to be successfully self-employed and don’t waste yours or their money on a “college” education.

My husband and I have been happily married for 20 years. I can’t have children, and I’m fine with that (as is he). So to all of you who state that marriage is for procreative purposes: do you think that I’m a bad person for not having spent the last 20 years depressed about not having children? Personally, I think that God made that decision for a reason. Are you going to argue with Him?

That is the type of (selfish, self absorbed) thinking that results in the negative growth rate of western civilization.

Yet another great tests have shown piece from some fella at Harvard that has his head further up his own anatomy than he has sense. Love your kids folks, and they’ll love you back.

Of course kids make the marriage more stressful, but it is usually because one of the parents isn’t pulling their weight in the marriage and when the other does twice as much to get everything done, resentment will naturally increase.

And another thing. Don’t start wearing your religion on your sleeve in here. There are MANY two-faced people I know of showing up at Church on Sunday like everything is perfect, and then the rest of the week one of them is showing their true colors and not doing anything to help the kids or marriage, but next week, I’ll see that person there again, smiling like everything is just perfect.

This is crazy- civilzation is based on adults having kids!

The purpose of marriage is not happiness. The purpose of marriage is producing and raising children.

These unhappy parents went into marriage with the wrong expectations.

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and have loved every minute of it. We now have a 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. Yes before we had kids we ran around like a couple of rabbits and living free. We were best friends and team mates in all we did.

Since we had our two kids the bonds have only grown. We work better together and our fun has changed from a night of dinners, movies and dancing to one of watching our children play with one another. We get to watch them grow and learn every day. Yes we are a couple of retired bunnies that still have fun once in a while, but everything that some see as a sacrifice we do not miss. If you miss the live free days then you were not ready for kids. I thought I would miss them, but spending time with my kids is more fun than all the years of going dancing and partying.

So my advice to younger people who are considering having children is that if you are going to miss the things you are doing now, then wait! You are not ready. Good luck to you all and God Bless!

And by the way! Thank you all for supporting us in the military, but do me a favor. Shake a Policeman’s, Fireman’s and Paramedic’s hand every chance you get. They keep our families safe, here at home, when we are deployed!

“Children can send marriage into a downward spiral”. Honestly, what kind of message are they trying to send out to the american people. Dont have children because you will be unhappy. This is the biggest load of BS that I have ever heard. People need to stop expressing what they believe and integrating them into their scientific studies. “Research says” You might as well say this is my belief on the subject matter, this is very true of this article. This Harvard Professor is nieve. You dont have to have a PHD to understand that. He is probably impudent and cannot have kids. So he goes around telling people this to make them not have kids and be in the same impudent stage that he is. I bet you never took a class in moral ethics did you professor? GO BACK TO SCHOOL so that you can be more ignorant then you are now!

There is so much righteous indignation on here I cannot breathe. Face it people, children are a lot of work and worry. Admitting that is not the same thing as you throwing your kid under a bus. Although sometimes dealing with my kids makes me want to throw myself under a bus. LIGHTEN UP people.

Well, DUH.

I agree and disagree with this study. My first marriage ended because we didn’t agree on the way to raise our son….We were pretty happy before he came along. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me, but having him has sometimes caused total happiness, total unhappiness and the loss of my first marriage. I am remarried now and I couldn’t be happier. My son and my husband get along great. He’s a junior in high school and is planning to go in the Navy in 2009. I am not looking forward to him leaving. This time in my life is the happiest I have ever been. He’s a great kid. But, I do understand the perspective of the childless couples. My son has been going to his father’s house every weekend since I divorced 10 years ago. That has made my husband and I “childless” most weekends…so we have the best of both worlds. Any university can publish any study and it’s all about the perspective of the person reading it. It all depends on your life experiences. For those who know they don’t want kids, kudos to you for knowing yourselves well enough to make a sometimes unpopular decision. I love my son more than anything….

KathyBaudoin: “My husband and I have been blessed with six children [...]”
Mrs. R Manges: “I am married and have 4 beautiful children.”
Kevin: “Having children (we have four) [...]”
Keith Kilburn: “What a load of garbage. My 5 children [...]”
Vladimir Kozina: “As a husband, father of five children [...]”
Melanie: “My husband and I have five kids between 13 and 16 years of age.”
Matt Leonard: “I have been married almost 5 years and we are expecting our 3rd child.”
Chris: “Give me a break, my wife and I have seven children [...]”
Andi Gee: “Our three are 16, 13 and 10.”
Tammy B: “We have six kids [...]”
Lesa Godley: “I have 5 children [...]”
Bobby: “My wife and I have 5 children ages 2-12.”

My comment consists in just one huge number: 7,000,000,000. Does that suggest anything to you?

Children DO cause a strain on the marriage at first, but that doesn’t mean people are unhappy. Mother is spending all her time caring for the baby and trying to get some sleep; Father is spending his time working to support the family and trying to get some sex. But after the child-bearing years are over, and you’re into RAISING those kids, every year is better than the year before – and that continues even after the kids leave home. So far as I can tell, having reached the ripe old age of 65, having 9 kids (4 birth kids, 2 step-kids, and 3 foster kids that “stuck” with the family, the really important part of being happy within a marriage is maintaining your sense of humor. If you suspect that one day you’ll laugh about an event that’s happening now, then laugh about it now and save yourself a lot of grief. Another important point: Remember that human beings only get angry when they don’t get their own way. Don’t believe me? How many people do you know who get angry when the DO get their own way?

Over the years I have made aquaintances with a number of psychologists who put together surveys dealing with subjects such as marriage/family issues and offer family counseling as well. What never ceases to amaze me is that most of these professionals, in spite of all their theories, have a high occurance of broken marriages and disfunctional families. I am very curious to know how the marriage/family life of these Harvard researchers are, that way I can make an accurate assessment, whether these professionals are on to some thing, or just trying to explain away the deficiencies of their theories, by putting the blame on the children. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, once stated: “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children, now I have six children and no more theories”. My wife and I have five children, ranging from college age to a 3 year old — along with foster children we take in for periods of time. As committed followers of Jesus, we take the biblical instructions for the family serious — and guess what, we have a wonderful marriage of 23 years and we are all genuinely happy to belong to each other. A lot depends on how you define happiness. Many define it as doing what I want to do, when and how I want to do it, with a minimum of binding responsibility or accountability. If happiness is such an ego trip, then, yes, marriage and children, can be a drag. But we have found that not revolving around ourselves, but being committed and self-less, like the Lord we follow, is really a fulfilling lifestyle, which we have never regretted

Lisa – I’m like you. I can’t have children, and my husband and I will celebrate our 11th anniversary next week. He married me for me – not because I would be able to provide him with children (When we married, we didn’t know that I couldn’t have children; we had assumed that we would).

I get so, so tired of people assuming that we are materialistic and selfish because we don’t have children – either biologically or by adoption. We decided not to adopt because we feel that God has called us to do things other than raise children of our own – like be a great aunt and uncle and care for our parents as they age (I spent time with my mother after her recent surgery, while my sisters were too busy with their children to visit her), and teach other’s children (I work at a university, and my husband has taught junior high).

Fortunately, our friends from our church seem to understand our opinion about parenthood for us. We’ve never said that parenthood is wrong for any of them or that God hasn’t called them to be parents. It’s just we feel that God has sent us a message that we are not to be parents. I feel sad when hear so-called Christians call childless couples names or tell them they’re not truly Christians because they either can’t or have chosen to not procreate. Jesus definitely never said that Christianity is limited only to married couples with children – those who are single and/or childless make many contributions to their churches and serve God in many ways. In fact, in my church, it’s usually the empty nesters, childless couples and single people who do most of the volunteer work, since they’re more available to do so.

Are we so selfish as to think that children really “can have a negative influence on marriages,”??! Heaven forbid our focus turns from having it be “all about me” to actually having to focus on the needs of another. That’s what happens when you get married, have kids – all those things that bring another human being into your world. Anyone who thinks introducing “children into the relationship and that joy may plummet” doesn’t have true joy in the first place, just superficial “happiness” that comes and goes with emotion. True joy comes from within regardless of outward circumstances. A child can only bring more. No wonder our kids struggle in our society today, with thoughts and “studies” like this floating around. Geez…

We have been blissfully married for almost 3 years and decided early in the relationship that kids were definitely not for us. We knew that they would make us miserable, as we were not parent material. Kids are definitely not for everyone. If people like kids, they will be happy having them and they might enhance the couple’s life. We are less than thrilled to be in the company of kids, be it our nephews and nieces, friends’ kids or kids from stranger, so we knew that if we caved in to society’s and our families pressure and ended up having kids to fit in the mold, we would be miserable, end up making the kids miserable and split. It’s a thought decision. So, IMO it all points to making a sane and thought decision and not have kids for the wrong reasons, because they will put a strain on anyone who didn’t really want them and hasn’t given it a good serious thought. I think this is what the “study” fails to mention.

“The purpose of marriage is not happiness. The purpose of marriage is producing and raising children.”

No, the purpose of marriage is companionship of the person you love. Kids can be produced regardless of marital bonds. I married my husband because I loved HIM. I love him too much to destroy our marriage with unwanted kids that would split our couple and qith whom I’d get stuck mourning a great relationship.

Yes, Aldo it does, we need to get to “work” and give you a reason to write 8,000,000,000 someday, while you worry about some sort of tipping point, my wife and I will keep enjoying each other and the fruit of our loins!

Yes, Aldo, it does, we need to get to “work” so that someday you will be able to put down 8,000,000,000, and while you are worrying about some sort of tipping point, my wife and I will be enjoying each other, and the fruits of our loins.

I purposed marriage to my wife like this, “Will you marry me – I don’t want children?” And she said, “Yes, let’s talk about it!”

So for eight years we talked about it and I never once changed my position. Six years into this she quit taking birth control pills and left me to use the calendar. This is not a problem at all as long as the information I get is accurate. Two years later I got Shanghai’d!

That was eight years ago. I never knew I could be so miserable. Given the choice I’d rather be back in Basic Training for the past eight years rather than have to deal with our little bundle of misery & hardship.

I am amazed it takes a Harvard professor to figure out children = misery. This web site sums it up pretty well, “http://www.sickopath.com/childrenessay.html” That is not my web site, but I can’t put it into words any better…

If Professor Gilbert’s parents felt like he does, he wouldn’t be here.
I must admit that over time, I find it amusing regarding the
intelligence that comes out of Harvard.

I have to disagree with this article. It really depends on how a person feels about having children. It is not true that married couples without kids live longer and happier marraiges. This is because usually when a couple have been married for a few years they feel a need for something new, they feel that there is something missing. Also, many marraiges stay together to keep their family together. That shows the strength to keep their kids happy and families last longer.

I find most of of the previous comments to be strangely ironic. By making ridiculous and baseless claims such as the childfree are inherently selfish, childish, and materialistic, many of the posters display exactly the type of self-centered, immature point of view that they claim having children cured them of. Your selflessness and wisdom obviously fall just short of attempting to understand/empathize with people whose opinions, natural inclinations, priorities, and personalities are simply different than yours. Your way is the ONLY way, apparently. Talk about childish and myopic! I hope that, regardless of what choices your children make in life, they are far wiser and more accepting of people’s differences than you.

And to answer the question posed many times, YES, the author of this study IS a father himself.