Comments on: Mommy, Daddy and Baby Make… Bad Marriage?

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:15:47 +0000

I find most of of the previous comments to be strangely ironic. By making ridiculous and baseless claims such as the childfree are inherently selfish, childish, and materialistic, many of the posters display exactly the type of self-centered, immature point of view that they claim having children cured them of. Your selflessness and wisdom obviously fall just short of attempting to understand/empathize with people whose opinions, natural inclinations, priorities, and personalities are simply different than yours. Your way is the ONLY way, apparently. Talk about childish and myopic! I hope that, regardless of what choices your children make in life, they are far wiser and more accepting of people’s differences than you.

And to answer the question posed many times, YES, the author of this study IS a father himself.

By: Student

Student — Sun, 11 May 2008 05:16:37 +0000

I have to disagree with this article. It really depends on how a person feels about having children. It is not true that married couples without kids live longer and happier marraiges. This is because usually when a couple have been married for a few years they feel a need for something new, they feel that there is something missing. Also, many marraiges stay together to keep their family together. That shows the strength to keep their kids happy and families last longer.

By: STEVE CHIZMAR

STEVE CHIZMAR — Sat, 10 May 2008 19:08:54 +0000

If Professor Gilbert’s parents felt like he does, he wouldn’t be here.
I must admit that over time, I find it amusing regarding the
intelligence that comes out of Harvard.

By: Craig

Craig — Sat, 10 May 2008 07:31:09 +0000

I purposed marriage to my wife like this, “Will you marry me – I don’t want children?” And she said, “Yes, let’s talk about it!”

So for eight years we talked about it and I never once changed my position. Six years into this she quit taking birth control pills and left me to use the calendar. This is not a problem at all as long as the information I get is accurate. Two years later I got Shanghai’d!

That was eight years ago. I never knew I could be so miserable. Given the choice I’d rather be back in Basic Training for the past eight years rather than have to deal with our little bundle of misery & hardship.

I am amazed it takes a Harvard professor to figure out children = misery. This web site sums it up pretty well, “http://www.sickopath.com/childrenessay.html” That is not my web site, but I can’t put it into words any better…

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 10 May 2008 04:26:33 +0000

Yes, Aldo, it does, we need to get to “work” so that someday you will be able to put down 8,000,000,000, and while you are worrying about some sort of tipping point, my wife and I will be enjoying each other, and the fruits of our loins.

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 10 May 2008 04:19:54 +0000

Yes, Aldo it does, we need to get to “work” and give you a reason to write 8,000,000,000 someday, while you worry about some sort of tipping point, my wife and I will keep enjoying each other and the fruit of our loins!

By: CF

CF — Fri, 09 May 2008 19:05:16 +0000

“The purpose of marriage is not happiness. The purpose of marriage is producing and raising children.”

No, the purpose of marriage is companionship of the person you love. Kids can be produced regardless of marital bonds. I married my husband because I loved HIM. I love him too much to destroy our marriage with unwanted kids that would split our couple and qith whom I’d get stuck mourning a great relationship.

By: CF

CF — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:59:02 +0000

We have been blissfully married for almost 3 years and decided early in the relationship that kids were definitely not for us. We knew that they would make us miserable, as we were not parent material. Kids are definitely not for everyone. If people like kids, they will be happy having them and they might enhance the couple’s life. We are less than thrilled to be in the company of kids, be it our nephews and nieces, friends’ kids or kids from stranger, so we knew that if we caved in to society’s and our families pressure and ended up having kids to fit in the mold, we would be miserable, end up making the kids miserable and split. It’s a thought decision. So, IMO it all points to making a sane and thought decision and not have kids for the wrong reasons, because they will put a strain on anyone who didn’t really want them and hasn’t given it a good serious thought. I think this is what the “study” fails to mention.

By: Linda

Linda — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:40:58 +0000

Are we so selfish as to think that children really “can have a negative influence on marriages,”??! Heaven forbid our focus turns from having it be “all about me” to actually having to focus on the needs of another. That’s what happens when you get married, have kids – all those things that bring another human being into your world. Anyone who thinks introducing “children into the relationship and that joy may plummet” doesn’t have true joy in the first place, just superficial “happiness” that comes and goes with emotion. True joy comes from within regardless of outward circumstances. A child can only bring more. No wonder our kids struggle in our society today, with thoughts and “studies” like this floating around. Geez…

By: Lynn

Lynn — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:25:38 +0000

Lisa – I’m like you. I can’t have children, and my husband and I will celebrate our 11th anniversary next week. He married me for me – not because I would be able to provide him with children (When we married, we didn’t know that I couldn’t have children; we had assumed that we would).

I get so, so tired of people assuming that we are materialistic and selfish because we don’t have children – either biologically or by adoption. We decided not to adopt because we feel that God has called us to do things other than raise children of our own – like be a great aunt and uncle and care for our parents as they age (I spent time with my mother after her recent surgery, while my sisters were too busy with their children to visit her), and teach other’s children (I work at a university, and my husband has taught junior high).

Fortunately, our friends from our church seem to understand our opinion about parenthood for us. We’ve never said that parenthood is wrong for any of them or that God hasn’t called them to be parents. It’s just we feel that God has sent us a message that we are not to be parents. I feel sad when hear so-called Christians call childless couples names or tell them they’re not truly Christians because they either can’t or have chosen to not procreate. Jesus definitely never said that Christianity is limited only to married couples with children – those who are single and/or childless make many contributions to their churches and serve God in many ways. In fact, in my church, it’s usually the empty nesters, childless couples and single people who do most of the volunteer work, since they’re more available to do so.