This comes from the same person that wrote a couple months ago that sexual addictions are made up, and not a reality. Why the sudden transformation to a belief that it could cause relationship problems, or that it even exists?

I think these articles are written by somebody that is severly confused about sexuality, and what a healthy relationship consists of. At least this time, she acknowledges that porn can be an addiction, and that it is a source of relationship problems. Believing otherwise is very naive. It is a problem even if you’re not in a relationship.

Want to know the problem with these type of lists? “10 ways to know if your partner is secretly doing X”

These things ca work a lot like a horoscope, which is not good. Someone can read all the points and begin to go “yeah I’ve noticed that… yeah i noticed them doing that too! Hey wait I noticed that last week too!”

Lists like this have a potential to hurt as many people as they help. Many people who read any sort of list like this will become paranoid. I believe some of the points are not valid anyway.

1. Not being social or becoming less social… I don’t get this one. Are you suggesting that the person is so addicted that they would slip away from a dinner party or something?

2. Unresponsiveness could be for a LOT of reasons.

3. Not sure this is related either. Tendency to be rough was around long before porn. Porn got it from couples who did it, not the other way around.

4. again, not seeming present could be for a lot of reasons.

5. This may be a relationship issue but i have never seen this confined to the bedroom if it is a problem.

6. Avoiding your questions. ok this may be legit. I’ll give you this one.

7. I dunno about this one. I use the net for probably 1 or 2 hours a day which seems like a lot for someone who uses it twice a week. as a teen i spent sometimes as much as 6 hours online chatting and things. I find it hard to believe that someone could be on the computer for SO LONG that they develop back problems but the partner still doesn’t know what the other person is doing for hours on end. Again this is a point though that is going to bring up suspicion in a lot of people.

8. Change in demeanor. Sorry but again this is SO broad that i don’t know why it is on the list.

I think a few requiements should be made to take suspicion away. The computer should be in a cnetral room with the screen facing out. Both people in the relationship should know the passwords to all accounts on the computer and DVDs and video tapes should be watchable and know about by both people.

but like i said i think this list is unfair. some of the things on this list may surface because of past problems that no longer exist. other things may be linked to something outside the bedroom entirely… want to freak yourself out? go read a list that says “20 ways to know your mate is secretly trying to murder you.”

Using Porn is the equivelant of having an affair? Maybe for some, but for most people it is not, as long as it isn’t taken to the extreme. This seems like a blanket statement that is really a grey area – porn means different things to different people.

Thanks for the good information. I think that it would help your readers even more if you posted a list of 12-Step groups that can help with porn and sex addiction. I have been a member of Sex Addicts Anonymous for going on three years now. Unfortunately for me, I was also in the service and had to do two 7-month deployments during that time. However, I have completed my First Step and I’m working on the Second. The biggest problem I had before the group was thinking that I was some sort of freak and that no one else would understand the emotional roller coaster I was on. Thankfully, the members of my SAA group enabled me to see that I was no alone and that there was hope for a more sober life. I won’t put the websites on here, but I think that you could do your readers a tremendous service if you would post those sites in another, follow-on column.

My wife and I watch porn together… she also knows that I watch it by myself. We have 4 children, and not a lot of time. We both understand the physical needs we may have. So when I am not around… she takes liberty with her vibrating friends. And I am good with that… I want her happy and relaxed, not all pent up and horny when she goes out.

We typically have sex 3 to 4 times a week… that being said, I have roughly 10 to 20 orgasms a week… with only 3 to 4 of them being with her. When I am not with her, or she is just not available, I watch porn. I don’t feel I am addicted but heck, we watch it together… and when I do watch it, it is usually something about wife sharing, cuckold, swinging, etc.

When I watch it, I fantasize that I am sharing my wife with another guy… I guess I am a freak… but this is a fantasy we both share… and both realize we will never do… but the fantasy is fun.

I watch a lot of porn, but I (and I am sure my wife would agree) do not feel that I am addicted to it.

OK guys it’s time to do a little research.

porn is NOT an addiction, it isn’t even recognized as one in the scientific community.

Like anything else it can be a compulsion but it is not an addiction.

When you start your story with an incorrect premise the rest of the story is equally incorrect.

I’ve been addicted to porn before, but I think it was directly linked to my fiancee having serious issues with porn in general. Right now she doesn’t have sex with me and I look at porn maybe once a day for a brief period. She will never be able to accept me looking at porn and I want to be with her so once we work things out I will need to do my best to never look at porn. I guess what I’m trying to say is your girlfriend rejecting porn and you looking at it creates a secret world that can grow and also creates a divide between you two. I think very few people would become addicted to porn if porn wasn’t a issue for many women.

I find this insulting from someone who wrote a few months ago that sex addictions are “made up”. I was less than humored that a so called “expert” could make such an asinine accusation. I have been in sex addiction recovery for over 7 years now and know that it absolutely exists and further, is a very big problem for hundreds of thousands of people. I am now a sex addiction counselor and find it very disturbing that some “expert” would come out with a blanket statement as ridiculous as your’s was. The internet has caused the downfall of many relationships as well as the sanity of those who find they are addicted and cannot stop. I am encouraged to see someone from a Sex Addiction recovery group post here. Being in a 12 step group for my addiction has saved my life and allowed me to heal in ways I could only have imagined in the past. One thing I have learned not only in recovery but from life in general, I should probably keep my mouth shut when I have no idea what I am talking about. I will pray that you are also able to find such a path.

Five of the eight are also attributable to old age:

1) Not as socially active
2) Lacking interest or unresponsive
4) Not always ‘present’
7) Lots of time on the internet
Change in demeanor.

Well i have to say this is a hard subject for me. I am addicted. And it is difficult to hide the problem, and the thing is its especially hard when you can get access to it easily. You say that guys go as far as getting email accounts that are private or cell phones or whatever, but its much easier than that, u dont have to do stuff like that. Now a days its free like theres some websites that u dont need to pay to view such as “redtube” where all u need is to delete your history, easy as that. For me its hard because i cheated on my wife 2 years ago. And well at that time i wasent happy and wanted to leave her and i did ask for a divorce but we were also trying to work it out, in the midst i found someone in another city. And spent a year and a half hiding this from my wife. And yes she eventually found out. And since then i have not cheated and wont cheat, but at first did use porn as a crutch. Now its been 2 years and i find myself addicted to it. I dont want to be. But when im totally alone its hard not too. I love my wife and always will, things are getting better between us. Better than its ever been but i struggle with the problem and this adddiction is real.

What fascinates me about articles on this subject is the contortion of logic and language that so frequently appears. Some gems in this article:
“Serious relationship with [porn]” What’s that? Seems to me that whatever use or abuse is going on with porn can’t reasonably be described as a “relationship”.
“Beyond a magazine like Playboy” What’s the Playboy exemption? If Playboy isn’t porn, what exactly is? Does Fox or Dr. Fulbright have a financial interest?

The “symptoms” described here are so vague that I think a majority of them are seen in “down” times in any relationship. So I suspect that this article will create as much relationship distress through false accusation as it helps. While I’m sure there are many people with an obsession with porn, it seems to me that this kind of simplistic discussion isn’t really helpful.

How about an article on “victimization addiction” or “paranoid suspicion addiction”?

These guys don’t get it. Those are exactly the symptoms my husband displayed, plus, the computer screen would always change when I walked in the room.

I decided to fix the problem. I checked his History and watched some of the movies. Wasn’t my taste but I got the picture. I went on CL and rounded up a couple of MM4W types and stunned my husband by telling him what I was doing and inviting him to join in.

That was three months ago. He has been full focus on me ever since. That and I was astonished how much I enjoyed myself.

Give me a break. Guys are very simple. I know this is a generalization, but I would venture to guess that most men, like myself, aren’t “nit picky” about our lover’s appearance. Porn use equivalent to an affair? I might be more tempted to have an affair if it weren’t for porn. If a guy is using porn, chances are it’s his only logical alternative to having an affair or using prostitutes and risking disease, divorce, child custody battles, alimony and child support payments etc. I’d say 99 and 44/100 percent of the time, I’d rather have actual sex than use porn, and again, I’d say most guys are with me on this.

It would seem Yvonne is over reacting to this problem. I’m also not surprised that she uses “he” to discribe the partner with the problem. In her world, women are never the source of any sexual problems. Of course in the real world, they often are.

I’m very surprised by this article after the recent one which proclaimed that there was no such thing as sexual addiction (which is absurd). This article actually identified porn as harmful to a relationship, which through me for a loop. While I completely agree, this author has in past articles taken a view that pretty much anything goes sexually. Perhaps she decided to stick to information that actually builds up marriages.

Honestly, while some of these points seemed a little out there, I must agree that any of them in concert with others could be a good warning sign. I think you should have probably gone to more trouble to provide more information for spouses that suspect their husband (lets get real…women just don’t have porn addictions) may have a problem.

I lived with a man addicted to porn. After a phone bill of over $900.00 and a dish satellite bill of over $700.00 he is no longer in my life. The signs listed here were not present. He was extremely good at being sneaky and maintaining all the outward signs of being normal.

Ummmm this also sounds like DEPRESSION. Not everything is about porn. That would be easier to handle.

I think the porn problem in the United States is largely the fault of the fat ugly women who are no longer attractive to their men. Men will look where they find what they want to see… face the reality ladies.

This article is WAY OFF the mark.

While many of these “signs” could point to porn addiction, they could also point to many, many other things.

This list is SO general.

Ah… BOSTON SPANGLER… I just read your post… yeah… it’s a lot like you said.

It’s like saying your boyfriend is an alcoholic because he lives next to a liquor store and sometimes doesn’t let you know where he’s going… when if fact he’s really just picking up drugs at the crack house next door.

Yeah… this article sort of… is missing something? The “porn addiction” part of it seems to really just be there for the attention grabbing effect. Many of the items on the list can be used to describe a number of relationship obstacles; not just a pornography problem: affairs, self perception, depression, stress to name a few.

On the other hand, promoting forthrightness and honesty in a relationship is nothing but good. So at least there is that.

Still, I can just imagine someone who feels like they “aren’t good enough,” having real self esteem issues, and exhibiting some of those behaviors. All of the sudden, their spouse reads this article, become overwhelmed, confronts their spouse insensitively and aggressively and just furthers the problem.

So please, if you’re facing some kind of relationship problem, try to remain open minded, caring, and don’t reach any conclusions for which you don’t have specific reasons.

Ok, can you tell I’ve been burned in a similar situation?

How about a little honesty with the title of the article! Seven of the eight points are all about “He does”, “He didn’t”, “He might”, I never read a single, “She” in any of them. Item #4 did omitted the pronouns, hats off to ya there! So Dr. Yvonne you could have just titled the article something like….

“Hey Girls! Let’s Bash the Guys about Their Porn Since We’re All So Perfectly Sexually Balanced”.

Then I wouldn’t have wasted my time reading an article that teaches women to be better porn detectives rather than how to better understand their husbands and improve their marriages. But then you’d have to understand men a little better to be able to write something like that.

we (men, that is) are just horny, dat’s all …

I am very grateful this issue is now being brought to light. I was the partner of a sex/love/relationship addict, without having the information and background. The relationship was blown apart three years ago as a result of his “personal issues” and I have just gotten past the PTSD I suffered as a result.

In response to the note above questioning the “signs” . . . once you have been impacted by this situation, the list makes perfect sense.

Sex/Love/Relationship compulsive behaviors in all their forms are slowly becoming recognized as an epidemic now.

Did anyone other than myself notice how this article is pointed at the male half of the relationship. Considering the growing numbers of female teachers that are now reported in the news for abusing their students, I think this story should have been more gender neutral. There is an extreme growing number of women that are increasingly getting addicted to porn, just as well as the men. Thank you.

Wow, all of tese signs ALSO point to a person not happy with their relationship, and looking to leave.

As well as a person overstressed about work.

Or a person generally not happy about life.

Or a person that is going through a mid life crisis.

As well as pretty much ANYONE going through ANYTHING. Way to help cause extra fights, and make these poor sob’s lives even worse!

I thought I had a porn problem until I read this. I guess I’m just a guy who likes boobs and stuff. I would imagine that people exhibiting these or all of the mentioned behaviors have a much more serious problem with their commitment to a significant other than porn alone. Porn I think has simply become available to the masses, and as such, is an easier (yet sinful) outlet for biological desires that are prevelant in all males. Whether or not we act on them and to what extent determines a problem or an addiction. I think it should be treated more as an addiction than anything else however. It’s ashame when anyone puts something (anything) before their spouse or the mandatory obligations they have in daily life. Having said that, I would take porn as an addiction over drugs or any other serious behavioral issue.

sure blame it on the guy

The conjugal act is ordered by God to be for the mutual self giving of a man and woman bound by sacramental matrimony, becoming no longer two but one flesh. All pornography is gravely offensive because it perverts the conjugal act. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others.

Fulbright doesn’t state whether or not the partner has an addiction per se. Of course, Fox, or any news outlet, is going to throw “addict” into the headliner to grab readers’ attention. I think Trevor needs to learn more about how the media operates before this know-it-all takes slapshots at people. Fulbright came out pretty hard against the “addiction” diagnosis a couple of months ago. And people don’t change their opinion overnight.

,To suggest that watching porn is just as bad as cheating on your spouse is nonsense. It might not be the best way to spend your time, but it’s hardly a divorce worthy event.

My ex-boyfriend was addicted to internet porn and it was one of the worst things I ever went through. I won’t go into details, but for those of you who don’t believe in this, you’ve got another thing coming. It destroyed our relationship.

You really are living in a feminist fantasy world. Only it is becoming a nightmare. Is the “comunist” actually saying on the one hand that using porn is the same as having an affair but yet on the other can be and is used by couples to “spice up” their sex life? Please. What kind of moral swirl are you living in? It is comical watching the post modern mindset try to make up rules for the rules they just made up?!? Pornography is symptomatic of a decaying culture–period. It is not virtuous. It is not noble. It is not a legitimate tool. Like drugs, alcohol, stealing and all the rest it is simply behavior that we once as a culture could admit was just sinful and wrong. The notion that we are on some wonderful new and free frontier is laughable. We are repeating the cultural death lessons that all other great civilizations have done. And one last word about the “columnist’s” gleeful admission that women are using porn more and more. She knows and every woman knows that they only go there because they have been manipulated into thinking they should like it. The addiction that follows is nothing more than their enslavement and a corruption of their desire to be desired.

Women–If your man is addicted to porn take a good look in the mirror. You are probably at fault. Have you gained 15-20 lbs since you met him? Are your breasts sagging? Do you nag? Do you deny him sex? If so, you are at fault. Oh, and he’s probably having an affair also.

The article seems to be written from the perspective of a woman.

It fails to take into account that if a guy is not sexually satisfied by his mate, he is more likely to get into porn, as he is more likely to have an affair.

I’m not saying it is full justification, but it is a factor that was not taken into account.

The problem with porn is that it usurps the true intimacy in a real sexual relationship. . . it may sate one type of sexual hunger, but it steals emotional depth from the user and the other individual in the in the relationship. It is ultimately a selfish pleasure that says, “I put my needs above your’s,” and creates feelings of unworthiness, guilt, distrust, disrespect and rejection in the relationship.

Anything that creates those kinds of feelings in a relationship (such as porn, too much golfing, too much time hangin’ with the ladies shopping, etc.) can have the damaging effects of an outside love affair. It is a slippery slope that I feel men and women are best to avoid. It’s dangerous.

Even Playboy, as benign as it seems to our culture, screams sexual selfishness. . . And that doesn’t build a true, satisfactory real relationships for men and women.

Porn is the easy way out of having to build a pure, committed love relationship. It’s a crutch. Just like drug abuse.

I am going to agree with those who have said this list is vague and is far more likely to inspire unwarranted suspicion than it is solve any real problems.

Being an IT professional I often work late into the night on the internet, should my partner ponder whether I am browsing porn sites?

Stress and fatigue sometimes make me unresponsive, should she question whether I am using my energy elsewhere?

If you are truly the “experts” on this sort of thing then I got into the wrong line. I could have easily come up with something more detailed and sophisticated.

I do agree that pornography is a problem and it can destroy relationships but more often than not the problem begins with intimacy issues with one or both partners and subsequent communications breakdowns. Couples that reach that point are in need of some serious help not silly and simplistic lists of things to look for to get angry at each other.

I believe it IS on par with cheating on your spouse. Men are visually stimulated. To take that away from your wife or partner and focus that attention elsewhere (like on porn) is cheating. Women are typically emtionally stimulated. If a woman were to get her emotional stimulation somewhere else, THAT would be also be a form of cheating. Any time you give something to someone else that should be reserved for your partner, it IS a form of cheating. To tell yourself otherwise is just fooling yourself.

Watch what you write here. Most, but not all, of these symptoms are evidences of low testosterone too. Others, are just symptoms of having a very fat wife (lol). Just be careful of your diagnosis.

10 reasons we watch porn

1 you don’t do what you should do
2 your fat
3 your not as pretty as you use to be
4 that robe is hidious
5 being a bitch is not a turn on
6 if you can’t enjoy yourself, how can you enjoy me
7 they do it whenever i want
8 no holes barred
9 hard to kiss with that smoke coming out of your mouth
10 on my schedule

would you rather us have porn, or a girlfriend? Straighten up and do like you should and we will need neither!!!

I would like to address the comments made by Boston Spangler as well as the ones by Andy; I will first start with Boston. Lists like this can be unsummontably helpfull to someone facing something they have no clue as to what is going on; it gives them a beginning to generalize possiblilities. I have lived the things that were discussed in this article…every single one of them and more. Sexual addiction exist and is just as potent as drugs or alcohol, so to respond to each of your points:

1. Yes a sexual addict becomes unsociable because yes they would rather be acting out or in their fantasy world rather than socializing. Woud an alcoholic or a drug addict not depart a party if they saw an opportunity to get high or drunk? Absolutely.
2. Yes, unresponsive could be for alot of reasons but if your partner is an addict you will know the difference between the unresponsiveness.
3. Yes, the tendency to be rough has been around for a long time but when you have experienced a tender partner who turns to roughness, unnecessary roughness then there is a problem; and please do not compare the roughness in porn with the roughness in a typical relationship; the implorable roughness I have seen in the porn my partner was involved in was not normal. The porn industry goes beyond what is normal so that they can draw in victims.
4. Yes not seeming present could be for a lot of reasons but as someone who has lived it, try being intimate with someone when you know they are off in a fantasy and you are just an object at that time! You know he difference.
5. Once again, this is a true fact…my partner began looking at me differently because in his fantasy world of porn he wanted me to look like those confused women he saw in his porn. He wanted me to start dressing different, trashy so to speak. He commented about my appearance and distroyed my self esteem.
6. Addicts become habitual liars, they lie about everything to cover their indiscretions.
7. Yes addicts do spend enough time on the net to develop back problems because you see the porn has a hold on them they cannot get loose from without help, just like a drug addict or alcolholic. Their every waking moment short of the time they are at work is spent on the net.
8. Another true fact, they get so caught up in their guilt and trying to hide their problem that they become angry. The try to place the blame elsewhere and most of the time they try to place it on their partner trying to convince the partner they have a problem. His mood and interests are different, they are led by their porn addiction.
I lived this for 3 years and everything listed is a true sound fact and sure some of the facts are broad but when you see the majority of them existing in someone, they should not be ignored; you will learn to recognize the difference between “a lot of reasons” and someone who has an addiction to porn. This is not something to take lightly, not everyone who looks at porn will become addicted just like not every one who drinks or does drugs will become an addict but it is an existing addiction that has grown tremendously due to the net and the “freedom of speech” allowed to this industry. It is trash, unmoral and destroys lives.

For Andy: I would like to say thank you for your courage to speak up about your addiction and recovery, if more people would do this Sexual Addictions would be recognized as an existing addiction just like drugs and alcohol. God bless you!

Try “escape”. Most every man I know nods grimly when he hears to answer to “Did you know they discovered a food that starts an irreversible decline in a woman’s sex desire?” (Wedding Cake)

Why is it only “he” that would have this problem?

What is a man supposed to do when each time he wants to have sex, his wife comes up with a different excuse for denial like “you don’t do anything around the house” (which in my case is a load of crap), or “you never get me the right gift” (isn’t it the thought that counts?) or a number of other reasons that always seem to be my fault and equally as ridiculous? We have been married for 18 years and I have NEVER cheated on my wife, although it crosses my mind from time to time, and then I realize that I love her and my kids so much that I would not want to bring shame to them or myself. I am 53 years old and am thankful for the fact that I can still have sex without the need for Viagra. I am not an adonis although my wife is a 10+ and is very sexy. It drives me crazy to know that we do not have sex as often as the average couple. So online I go to take care of business. She says she loves me, she is a good mom, she is very religious, and I truly believe that she is not getting it elsewhere. What am I suppose to do?

I guess I’m lucky. My wife is very sexual like me. We watch porn together. It enhances our sexual experience. We both have orgasms several times a week even if I’m not around. She is very open about it and tells me about pleasing herself. We are open and honest about it. I don’t think it’s cheating.

If porn is an additciton, then women fasciniated with love stories and movies are addicted. If watching porn will make me have unrealisitc and abusive expectations from my lover, then if she is facintated with love stories she would have unrealistic abusive expectations of me. Give me a break. All those steps are typical things every wife accuses a husband of doing. Every wife reading this will be dropping there trust in their spouse and rumaging through everything their husband has contact with. Paranoia is really healthy for a relationship too.

As a former porn user (Addicted, by definition, means you can’t go without it) I can say this article contradicts itself, as well as things the Doc have said before so many times it’s laughable. 8 of the 10 symptoms are present in my wife – and she hates porn. Cudos to all that have responded before me more eloquently. I love the net!

I was married to such a person and didn’t have any idea how someone could be so addicted to porn…
I knew for awhile something wasn’t right with him but I couldn’t put my finger on it…This was my 2nd marriage and I didn’t want it to fail…
He lied and lied about all it until the end ….We actually went to a Sex Doctor and then everything came out…I tried to deal with it but there was so much stuff I divorced him 4 years ago.Haven’t had Sex or a boyfriend…I’m so scare now to trust …Is there something wrong with me for not dating ?

My wife of 21+ years has consummated our marriage less than 80 times during that time.

If it were not for the Internet and the things available there, I would have left her a very long time ago. As it is, I have been able to put up with it because of the Internet.

I think it’s a better, and safer alternative than having an affair and running the risk of splitting our marriage before our kids are out of school.

Watching porn is cheating. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t feel so hurt, rejected, and insecure when I find out my husband has been watching it. Don’t think your wives and girlfriends are just uptight prudes, guys. It’s an automatic reaction to feel threatened by the competition, and it’s no wonder people get divorced over it.

There are many people who can look at porn with as much interest/disinterest as a piece of art. Some of us, though, have addictive tendencies.

Addiction is a dysfunction in search of an object. Like it or not, this particular one mostly targeted men (successfully, I might add) for a long time. Don’t feel picked on, guys; the porn industry recognizes the market potential among women. This is becoming an equal opportunity addiction.

If you can use porn and not have those images, positions, techniques playing in your head when the real thing happens, you’re probably not an addict. I envy you.

I noticed that the women are angry about porn, and the men are defensive and demeaning. It seems to me that if Pornography was not a problem, and so addictive, that this wouldnt be such a hot topic. I posted this recently on a previous article about pornography. I will repost it.

I struggled with an addiction to pornography for 22 years. I got hooked at 11 years old, because my dad brought it into the house. Pornography is as, if not more addictive than drugs or alcohol. It is destructive and demeaning. It destroys the natural sense of beauty and intimacy. It mocks the very sacred gift of procreation. It is a mockery of free speech. It has been known to be a major contributing factor in heinous crimes such as rape, murder, and child molestation. It demeans and belittles women. It desensitizes men, sexually fragments the mind and perverts the values of what a family is. I have seen it turn good, honest men into lying, destructive, monsters and rip families to shreds. If you watch, view or contribute to Pornography you DO have a problem. There are no positives to Pornography, period. It doesn’t help your sex life; it doesn’t make you a man, it simply destroys nothing else, and I would challenge ANYONE to prove otherwise. I lived it I know.

By the way “one who knows” you are a coward for hiding behind the internet and saying such awful and demeaning things about women. It is the addicts fault for getting involved and no one elses. Only one addicted to porn would use such a cowardly remark.

“They assume their partner understands that using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair.” Are you kidding me?

I am a recovering sex addict, my boundaries are the internet. To all of you responders who claim the list can both help and hurt, you are correct. The list is merely a tool to use, it is not a pass or fail test. For each response that claims an addiction there must next be an examination of reasons for the response. To all of you responders who claim that internet porn is helping you, welcome to the world of denial. I’ve heard, and yes, used many of those exact excuses in the past. To all of you responders who are scared, please don’t be, trust me when I say knowledge is power. An addiction is only controlling when it is a secret. When it is not a secret anymore, and your wife or husband knows, that is when the healing begins.

Check out this website: http://www.sexaa.org/

This website is the interent home for Sex Addicts Anonymous, it is a twelve step program based on the Alcoholics Anonymous program. It can help if you want it to.

God Bless

Porn is a way to for men and women to stimulate sex drive! Its fantasy, pure and simple, and we (men) use it as a substitute for the sex we’re not getting at home! If you (women) put out more we wouldn’t need porn. Loosen up girls and don’t be afraid to make the first move when it comes to asking for sex, we (men) are sometimes not on your frequency when you send those suttle signals! Take a page from Samantha on SATC! Have some balls and walk up and say, Hey, are you “up” for a little fun tonight! I guarentee you we will be accomodating! Many men are afraid of initiating contact because we’ve been conditioned to “respect” your bounderies, in the office, in the bar, on the street, don’t hit on women cause you’ll get sued! So the balls in your court ladies, run with it! The funny thing is you (women) will never be rejected and demoralized by a man when you are seeking sex, but you do it to us (men) all the time. Don’t condemn us for our porn, you (women) created the situation when you use sex as a tool for controlling us (men) now you’re whining about it.

What a bunch of malarkey this article is. Obviously written by someone who was dumped and is looking for a reason why. Try, “you’re a psycho” on for size. This is the exact kind of tripe that makes wives (or husbands) neurotic about where their partner is when he or she may have a perfectly legitimate reason to be acting that way. A lot of your “signs” sound an awful lot like signs of depression, such as the withdrawing from friends and family, lack of social interactions and not being sexually interested. Before “playing” doctor, perhaps you should attend a medical school and earn a degree. Un substantiated and unvalidated “help” is like a turd in a punchbowl…useless.

I think some people are missing the point here. Porn by itself probably isn’t a bad thing. But like myself who has been “addicted” for the past 11 years, the porn takes the place of the spouse. The problem gets bigger as time goes on. Yeah it starts off easy enough, Playboy perhaps. Then you are falling asleep look at the Playboy, you need more, somthing different. So you go to Penthouse, but after a while this doesn’t feed the need. Before you know it you are trying to watch videos on the intenet and DVD’s. If you are married you are hidding this from your spouse by now, if she has caught you by now you have lied about it more than once. Well this will go on for a while, but pics and movies are no longer any good, there is not enough stimulation. So you find “live” websites and you can talk to the girls and they will do what ever as long as you pay…
So now you have to make sure that your credit card statements go to work, or a PO Box.
Then before you know it you are looking at online dating sites because now you need the things that your spouse wont do, your fantasy has to come to life. Porn is now part of your being, you need to feed it becuase if you don’t you feel like your gonna die, you can’t breath.

Don’t tell me these feelings I have had for 11 – 12 years aren’t real, they are made up. Ask a coke addict and see what they feel. Ask them how it feels to one day just stop doing coke.
Don’t tell me this is fake or just an excuse, if you didn’t walk in my shoes you wont understand and you never will. Hopefully you will never have too.

Lang-Just because YOU have an addictive personality doesn’t mean someone can’t look at it and laugh and think it’s completely ridiculous. You want to know what else has contributed to heinous crimes like murder, rape and child molestation??? A lagging economy, someone getting fired from a job, someone losing a loved one, I can go on for days. Should we outlaw those things also?

Don’t put YOUR problems on me man. A majority of the rest of the world is not you and some of us homosapiens can actually keep control of our caveman instincts.

I think the symptoms described in the first paragraph could be simply attributed to being female.

heres a better list of signs that your partner views porn.

1) hes male

2) hes not gay

Thats it.

Wow michael that was a very “manly” response. Just what you can expect from addicts who can’t admit that they are. Like most of the male comments here.

Give me a break, this story had little or no merit, its intent was salacious.

I live in a sexless marriage. I have not had sex with my wife for over two years. I have had sex only a dozen times in this century. My wife is bi-polar and an alcoholic with zero sex drive. Our lack of intimacy is driven by her condition and my resentment.

Pornography while a poor substitute is the only way that I can stay in a sexless marriage for her sake and the sake of our children.

This is a much deeper story than this drive by tripe. If you want to cover the issue at least do it justice.

That’s a capitol I not an L michael. I simply stated a fact. Your anger proves the point.

i am a 31 year old woman who married at 18 and has lived with porn in my marriage going on 7 years now. its real and its real hard. we struggle less now but i feel its because i’ve chose to look the other way. this sickness has rocked the very core of who i am as a woman and what we are as a couple. for people on here who say it isn’t an addiction they are either not addicted, haven’t lived with an addict or are in denial.

What? the writer of this article said “They assume their partner understands that using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair”. Is this woman insane? If you are with someone who has this attitude, show her the door because she’s not worth your time. It never surprises me to see a woman having this hypocritical attitude. They use their sex toys to fantasize about other guys while they are married or in a relationship (how convenient). Guys use porn to stimulate their minds the same way (stop with the nonsense about cheating). I’m so tired of these insecure women trying to bash guys and tell them how porn (other than play boy) is cheating. If the guy you are with is an addict, it’s time to question what you haven’t done in the relationship? May be he’s had enough with your nagging attitude. Or he’s bored with the way you look or behave. Stop blaming the guy and ask yourself what you can do. Get your act together!

This writer is such a loser and a coward trying to play the victim card. I have no sympathy for people who have a double standard. Hypocrite!

Pornography is sin and not healthy for anyone.

I am a wife of 10 years and I must say that I have NEVER been threatened by pornography, strip clubs, other attractive women or otherwise. Having said that, I will also say that I would NEVER tolerate my husband having an affair, either emotional or physical.
I am a woman who truly understands that men and women are wired differently. Women tend to be more emotionally rooted while men are perfectly happy with a beer in one hand, a remote in the other, and preferably their love interest between their legs. Now look I am not saying at all that men are shallow, or just drunks, or even chauvinists, but let’s face it people, men are very simple people. Usually it doesn’t take a whole lot to make a man happy. Show love, show respect, show an interest in them and an interest in physically pleasing them and give them room to grow. If those simple rules are followed, I can, with close to perfect certainty, assure you that you will keep your man happy.
In my marriage, I have made it perfectly clear that I am not offended if he looks at or watches porn. And after 10 years, he very seldom even looks at porn. I am not myself turned on by porn, but will watch it or look at it with him if he wants. I can look at another woman and recognize the beauty of her body or image, as well as understand why she is a turn on to a man, without the threat of her stealing from me the specialness that my husband and I share. I am turned on by my husband and the incredible love we share, but then again, I am the emotionally rooted woman. I take pride in keeping my husband satisfied and yet give him the room to grow and most importantly to be a guy.

Why can’t Ms. Fulbright make up her mind about this?? Just a few columns ago, she wrote this:

4. Judging his porn pleasuring.

Unless you’ve been replaced by his passion for pornography, don’t give him a guilt trip for it. Many men enjoy different forms of erotica, often using such visuals to become aroused and, quite frankly, to remain sexually interested in their current partner. Instead of seeing his Playboy or Penthouse as a threat, see it as an enhancement — possibly even one you can share. Such visuals are meant to keep the relationship riveting. Don’t let them create a rift.

SO WHICH IS IT????

My wife knows I watch porn, and she even knows I ‘release’ myself to it. She uses her toys when she wants. We even watch porn together. We have a great sex life, but sometimes its just nice to do it alone!! There’s nothing wrong with it, and I’m not ashamed of it. But like anything else, you have to use it in moderation. When it comes down to it, men are horn dogs…and women are close behind!!!

Sooooooo….why does the article never use the term her or she when describing the porn addict?

ridiculous

Or maybe your partner is just bored with you.

This was yet another dumb article of several written by this author. What in particular was the reason for both calling out the use of the pronoun “he” and going about using it, when in fact she has written several articles plainly, obviously illustrating largely male behaviors but contently used the incorrect “they”? Not a sexist? Come on. I don’t think I’ll be reading this stuff for a while. It’s simply too easy to see through the childish ploys.

These steps are signs of depression not addiction to porn, my guess is your husband is depressed because you are getting older, fatter, and less attractive to him. So he your husband turns to porn to get his jollys because you don’t do it for him any more. The only other way I could see it is, you are withholding sex, most men would like to have sex once a day if not two to three times.

If the guy turned to porn then he likely did it so he wouldn’t have to go elsewhere such as cheating on you with a hooker. Do your relationship a favor and give the dude a blowjob.

Dr. Yvonne is smokin! God bless you. Email me sometime.

I love how 99% of the men on here are being so defensive. If it isn’t an issue with you, why are you getting so worked up about it? We know ya’ll watch porn. It’s when it takes over your life and relationship that’s when it becomes a problem. We may have our insecurities about ourselves and feel hurt when we see what you would prefer to look at. But let’s be realistic. Your wives and girlfriends may have gained some weight, let some things go. But I’m guessing you are no prize yourselves. Otherwise you would have attracted one of those toned, bronzed, giant breasted beauties that will take it in every orifice. But you don’t, you have to pay $9.95 each month to watch someone else live your dream. Because I’m sure your receading hairline, beer belly and man boobs are just reeling em’ in left and right!

So before you guys start boo hoo -ing about your women not taking care of your needs, have you ever thought that maybe the shortfall is on you and she doesn’t even want to bother with you because you stopped satisfying her a long time ago. Sexually and Intellectually!

Just some things to think about while your defending yourselves!

OMG………that article describes my ex-husband, KEN SCHEFFLER, to a tee! There’s something wrong when a man spends all night on the internet and in the process of your divorce you find out that he’s got a zillion internet dating profiles and the attic is stuffed with porn.

So beware ladies, I hear he’s on the prowl again.

As a woman who is currently divorcing her sex addicted husband and has lived through the hell of marriage to a sex addict, I am appalled at the level of ignorance found here and the contemp with which those “disbelieving” in the existance of sex addiction, or should I say “those in denial”, are expressing for those are that experiencing it.

I’d like to clear something up about sex/porn addiction. It is not the actual sex and/or porn that is the addiction. When a person orgasms, certain chemicals are released in the brain (norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin for men) that bring feelings of well-being, euphoria, relaxation, etc. It is these chemicals to which the addiction is formed. Just as a cocaine addict is addicted to a chemical, (or alcoholics to alcohol) sex/porn addicts are addicted to these chemicals. And just as with any chemical addiction, as time goes by, more and more of the chemical is needed to produce those feelings which means that sex addiction can be progressive with addicts having to advance to riskier and more “thrilling” behavoirs in order to maintain their level of addiction. This also means that when a sex addict is recovering, they can experience physical withdrawal symptoms just as any chemically dependent addict would.

Most (not all) sex/porn addictions start in adolescence and are because of emotional/physical pain experienced as children. The child realizes that they feel better after an orgasm (masturbation), and that their “pain” is temporarily relieved. This is how they cope with their pain. It could just as easily be alcohol or drugs, but adolescents are more readily able to masturbate than have access to alcohol or drugs. This “coping mechanism” is carried into adulthood.

The list given here for SPOUSES (for those of you complaining about the use of the word “he”, if you had read the italics just above the list, you would have seen the disclaimer about using “he” because “75-85% of porn Web browsers are male”.) is incomplete. A much more complete list is found at http://www.sexaddict.com. The list is a tool. And of course, any one item on the list could be explained in other ways. But when multiple items fit your situation, you need to start acknowledging that this might be a problem.

Does your spouse have unaccountable time?
Does your spouse have unaccountable money?
Does your spouse have unaccountable moods?
Does your spouse’s moods depend on whether he/she gets sex or not?
Does your spouse have a lack of sexual activity with you?
Does your spouse have a history of emotional, physical or sexual abuse or neglect?
Does your spouse have a supply of pornography (especially the kind you get at adult bookstores)?
Are there many arguments over sex?
Is your spouse unable to be emotionally intimate?
Does sex appear to not satisfy him/her (wants more right away or there never seems to be enough)?
Is there a lot of anger or erratic behavior when he/she is said “no” to sexually?
Do you feel alone during your sexual encounters?
Do you feel used, dirty or abandoned after sexual encounters?
Is there a sense that he’s/she’s got his “fix” and now he’s better?

For those of you who feel you might have a problem, or those that are in denial and just want to prove that you don’t have a problem, try the online interactive tests found at http://www.sexhelp.com/addiction_tests.cfm. This site is from Dr. Patrick Carnes, one of the leading experts and pioneers in the field of sex addiction.

For those of you involved in a relationship with a sex/porn addiction, I encourage you to also go to Dr. Carnes site and take the test regarding Betrayal Bonds. Also, please contact S-Anon or CoSA groups for support and healing for yourself. There are also many online sites that can help partners of sex addicts.

And please, unless you have lived through the pain of being a sex addict or of being in a relationship with one, keep the nasty and demeaning comments to yourself. Try to show a little compassion to those of us that have lived through hell and come out the other side. If you don’t believe sex addiction exists…fine…but don’t condemn those of us who are living with the consequences of this “non-existant” addiction.

There are a lot of denials, woman-blaming, armchair psychoanalyzing and reductionist evo-psych claims of “hardwiring” going on here. These are typical panicked responses from those who are afraid that somehow their porn might get taken away, or that don’t want to take responsibility for their own actions. If women step up and say that porn is ruining their relationships, who are you to tell them they are wrong? If men step up and say they are addicted and it is causing problems in their lives, who are you to tell them their addiction does not exist? The truth is, no one is coming to take your porn away, so calm down. It’s an extremely powerful multi-billion dollar industry and nobody here has the ability to put a dent in it no matter how many broken hearts and relationships it causes.
For those who have problems with their own or a loved one’s porn use, there are some helpful web sites out there. recoverynation is one that is not based on shaming or religion. And remember, you don’t have to stay in a relationship with a man that doesn’t respect women, that gets off on images of women being hurt and humiliated, and/or that lies to you.

My first husband had an addiction to porn. When we split up I found a huge duffel bag stuffed with videos hidden in his closet and found emails and pictures that he thought he had deleted from the computer, but a friend with computer knowledge was able to restore everything so I could find out what was going on. He was emailing other women and they were sending him sexually explicit pictures. By the time we split we hadn’t had sex in almost 10 years. I later found out he was pleasuring himself when I was not at home, and other evidence found led me to believe he was also having an affair with one of his internet tramps.

Porn addiction is very real. It almost destroyed my marriage, to say nothing of almost destroying ME. I am a recovering porn addict, and fight it every day. I have to be VERY CAREFUL to stay focused when I am on the internet at home, and stay away from the sleaze that is out there.

I am lucky to have a wife that has been understanding, supportive, and loving through it all, but a lot of damage has been done by what I at first thought was an innocent diversion.

My rule of thumb now is — if I would not visit a site with close friends and family in the room with me, then I do not go there. Period.

Iang, in response to One who knows, I was the reason my husband looked at porn. I was self concious and frigid for a period of time. He needed something. So while you are throwing around insults and everything else, just bare in mind that sometimes that it is the woman’s fault. And that, my dear is coming straight from a woman. And you might want to revamp your comment from earlier. You didnt state a fact, you stated an opinion. Learn your grammer.

One who knows, just because a man looks at porn behind a womans back, dont mean he is cheating on her too. unless you are basing this off life experience and if so, sorry you did that or had that happen to you.

I don’t agree with the article. I am not inhibited sexually with my husband at all. We both watch porn together and separate. We have a very secure loving relationship that consists of FUN, and adventure in our bedroom. Women have a tendency to withhold from their man and that causes an issue in itself. Watching porn is not consistant to having an affair in my opinion.

Saying your not sexist to prequalify the articles anti male slant doesn’t make it non sexist. I know several women who openly confess to loving porn. (i actually know more women than men who view porn and openly admit to it)

Many of the “reasons” could EASILY be something different. For example a man not getting aroused, may simply no longer find his partner attractive, perhaps because of weight gain, WITHOUT viewing porn. Men ARE visual, I admit to that. SOME women let themselves go after marriage, and wonder why the man can’t get an erection and otherwise aroused with them. NOT necessarily porn, nor necessarily sexual dysfunction…….simply not turned on by them. SAD…yes, but often true.

This is a taboo thing to say, and every other reason in the world is ascribed to men who are uninterested in sex, including declaring them sexually dysfunctional. Yet if a WOMEN is unable to get aroused and lubricate, sex therapists go to the extent of suggesting the MAN is at fault in MANY cases. It may be true in some………but the same could be said of a women’s role in a man’s failure to become aroused with her. I have been in a relationship where this was EXACTLY why I didn’t want sex…….now remarried my sex life is great. I DO NOT view porn.

I am a very attractive woman. I am thin and I work out. I also have a very high sex drive. My husband is also addicted to porn. I didn’t know what was going on. He kept rejecting sex. I later found the porn. The ironic thing is that I have never been tempted to cheat. Men hit on me left and right. I never even once considered having an affair. Porn CAN make women feel degraded, like they aren’t pretty enough, and very insecure. I suppose it doesn’t effect some women, but these women don’t have significant others that are addicted. Porn does objectify women. My husband doesn’t even care what these women look like. They can be ugly as sin. It just goes to prove that the woman is an object to them, and that is it

Women, read Sadie’s post, memorize it, tattoo it on your arm. It’s really that simple. If she wasn’t already married, I’d propose.

I could answer 50% or better of Kim J’s list with a yes, and I know for a fact that my wife is not into porn.

These are very subjective things. If porn is causing problems with your job, or getting you in trouble with the law, then yes you have a problem.

Having a prurient interest in it does not an addiction make.

I chose my words carefully and yes I mispelled a couple of words. It is sad to see people buy into the “not my fault” or “it is there fault” or “it is my fault they are the way they are” attitude. With actions come consequences and they cannot be seperated. The greatest gift is freedom of choice, but we are all resposible for our own actions in the end. “The devil made me do it” no longer flies, we make our own choices and must accept the cosequences as well. The reason men look at porn is because they have lost all natural affection, the wife losing her appeal is merely the excuse on the back end. I stand by my words and do not excuse them.

I have to assume that the author wrote this piece in order to salvage herself from the disastrous article she wrote about sex addiction being crap. Thanks for trying but perhaps you should leave the heavy stuff to the experts and not try to placate the masses.

Of course a wife who has let herself go, is nagging all day and says no more than yes will more often than not cause her husband to seek pleasure elsewhere. Relationships are 50/50. Men need physical closeness and women need emotional closeness. You will rarely have one without the other.

I can have a drink of wine and not be an addict, but the affects of the wine are still there. It enters my body, alters my mind and may even damage my liver a little (if I do it enough). You guys can go look at another woman (or man, or two women, or whatever your fancy is) and not be addicted to porn. The image still enters your mind where it will probably stay forever, probably set up an unrealistic expectation of what your partner should look like or perform like and you will begin to objectify your partner just that much more because you have chosen to make sex about getting off and not about connecting physically, emotionally and even spiritually.

I know that sometimes a guy is just horny and needs a release. I get that. BUT – please don’t invalidate or demean the 3 year struggle I have had with my husband who has used your harmless pornography to escape from the pain and struggles of life in an unhealthy way. And yes, when your husband looks at another woman and desires her, it hurts like hell and feels like you have been cheated on. That is if you truly value the sanctity of your marriage.

I used to have issues with porn until i watched some of it with my husband. I found some to be funny and others to be exciting. Now whenever we want to try something a little different and spicier, we got a nifty little store downtown that is great for anything we might have an interest in. It makes things quite enjoyable

What kind of Dr. writes this column? Is there a degree in Sexology and she got one? From what intsitution? This is crap but what America loves and counts on from Murdoch’s media manipulators. Heckuva job, Rupert!

There are several areas here I wan to tackle. The first is the author made use of the word “he” in almost every item. So she is assuming the male is the one most likely addicted to porn (I agree, but I’m also going to use that basis for my argument).

For years and years, men in relationships have, for the most part, wanted more sex from their wife/girlfriend. Without having a physical affair, men were stuck with the “no” with no recourse other than playboy and self gratification. Men view their sex life as one of the most important things in their entire life and will probably never move very far from the top of the list. So when a wife/girlfriend continually fails to show concern this issue, how do you think that makes him feel toward you.

NOW, we (men) have an alternative to having a physical affair and, in essence, are going around the wife/girlfriend to take care of the problem ourselves. The people (women) who view online porn as cheating really need to ask themselves if the real problem lies within themselves and are upset because they no longer are in complete control of their man’s sex life. If the man failed to fulfill a particular “need”of her’s, most people would understand that she felt ignored, and needed to seek that satisfaction somewhere-else. Why is it not the same for men. Ladies, step up to the plate and be a PARTNER in your man’s sex life. Think about it.

There is a very helpful and useful tool called the Sexual Addiction Screening Test that can be completed in about 3 minutes. It’s a pretty accurate indicator of a full-blown addiction or just an occasional distraction. It was created by Dr. Patrick Carnes, one of the pioneers in dealing with sexual issues as an addiction.

http://www.freedombeginshere.org/?page=test

Yet another “expert” who has no ‘effin idea what they are talking about.

The only source in the entire article is “many people.” Did you skip high school english on the way to your PhD? You need to back up your statements with facts. Let me give you an example:

i.e. – Many people think Dr. Fulbright has her head up her ass.(1)

(1)See majority of posts above. Author: Tevor, VenessaW, Mick, Eric, et all.

It’s not my porn problem I worry about, it’s the crack addiction

Our hearts are desperately wicked and beyond cure. We defile ourselves and each other in every way possible. God has seen it all.

http://www.goodpersontest.com

Freedom of choice is a really good comment. Part of what makes anything an addiction is when it changes normal behavior into irrational, controlling or abnormal behavior. If you can choose to do without porn for a period of time and NOT be affected by that absence, then that’s a great indicator of WHO or WHAT is in control.

Americans, get your heads out of Rupert Murdoch’s naughty bits. Wake up. You are losing your country!!!! Its not really news, its Fox news!!!!!!

Why is it always the “guys” fault or the man who is addicted to porn. I have seen a LOT of women who are more into porn then their husband/boyfriend/significant other would ever be. I am getting sick and tired of it always being the mans fault for whatever goes wrong in a relationship. I know at least two girls/women who are the ones who created the trouble in a relationship. It’s time to get of the backs of men and start taking responsibility for your own actions and quit blaming your problems on men!

Did any of you ever realize that “porn” spelled backwards is “nrop?” Coincidence? I think not…

Jameela, before correcting someone else, learn to spell “grammar” (not grammer)!

I abhor porn and the effects I’ve seen it had on people, single, dating, spouses, and even on consenting married spouses choosing to consume it together.

Women and men alike are subject to its grip. So men, don’t be so defensive.

How base to acuse American women of getting fat and causing a man to have to look towards porn when in scientific studies, American women are the ones with falling rates of obesity (NOT MEN!). And add that at least women generally have better, more logical reasons for fighting weight gain that men do not: had a baby, boys? do your hormones go nuts once a month, boys? do you have to spend time in the kitchen cooking for everyone all day, boys? I’m not making excuses for women, but your statements about the appearance of women underline the problem at the core: your selfishness.

You guys who make such statements and prefer your porn ought to be darned to it. . . I wish no live woman to ever mate with you.

And if we’re going to make base insults, let’s talk about what a turn-off short, balding, less-than-athletic men with inadequate genitalia who can’t make six-digit salaries are. . . Maybe it’s you, insulter man, that causes no woman to want your sex. Maybe, just maybe, it’s you who makes your wife frigid? Gah, let’s see you have to put on a skintight swimsuit (instead of hiding in your baggy shorts) and try to enjoy a day at the beach while you get gawked at by a load of perverts who think they don’t have to worry about their appearance! Women who mate with you are stupid or either they respect you beyond what you deserve.

Porn is addictive, everybody knows that. And quite frankly, a waste of good income. Just like drugs.

Porn usage shows a lack of self-control and respect for anyone but yourself. People who use it, just always try to imagine how you would feel if your son or daughter (1) was in the porn or (2) actually had a spouse using the cr@p to the detriment of your child’s emotions.

Porn is for cowards who can’t face reality or aren’t gutsy enough to try and improve the relationships they actually have. Explains why so many shy nerds who can’t work up the guts to actually ask a girl out will turn to it in shame. The truth hurts. Look in the mirror closely, folks who spend your moolah on porn. I hope y’all don’t complain about gas prices because you’d have the money if you didn’t invest in Hugh Hefner’s big wet dream. At your expense, he gets the blonde bimbos for real while all you get is an empty hand. . .

The insulting posters above need to get this reality check.

Out of all this blog, blog, blog stuff, it’s amazing to notice the absence of REAL LIFE RECOVERING ADDICTS. Look at the personal stories of people like Mark Laaser, Marnie Ferree. By simple percentages we ALL know someone who is struggling or addicted to pornography. Emily and “wife of an addict” have some good points. You may not see porn in YOUR life to be destructive, but it CAN be… and it can happen before you realize.

How much is too much? She wants pleasure 2-3 times/week and does not mind taking care of herself frequently in the shower alone. Is that cheating?

Emily….You seem a bit uptight.

Talk to someone who has been addicted …not your 20-something frat brother. Listen to how it all started. Time and again it’s innocent and validated by friends, pastors, spouses, partners. But there comes a point when it becomes a coping mechanism to a greater need and an unsatiable desire. It’s a biological AND chemical process much like what happens with drug use. Finding freedom from controlling behavior helps avoid the wounds that porn can cause.

I don’t care what your take is on pornography. To each his or her own, but don’t blame the porn if there are some compulsive people out there who can’t control themselves. Personally I love porn as means to an ends, but I’ve no problem walking away from it when in a relationship.

My only advice is to be honest with your S.O.; I’ve always explained that pornography is simply a time saving tool and that they should expect me to use it if they’re gone for an extended period of time. In almost every case they understood and in the cases that they didn’t each ended up having really low self-confidence and being jealous of just about anything they deemed to be more attractive (sexually or not) than themselves.

Compulsion is not the same thing as addiction… “porn addicts” are no different than “Cat Ladies” or “trekies”. If it wasn’t pornography pulling their attention away from their lovers it would be something else… model trains?

i think your perspective is somewhat handicaped ,meaning , it appears to be from just the one genders viewpoint(female) . I myself am not married or living with anyone or have a sexual partner, however , i do not claim to be a expert on relationships or on the subject of behavioral addictions. Some of the symptoms mentioned sound more like just deminished interest in the female partner by the male partner . I think it’s time for reevaluation of relationship and values pertaining to your association with that person . I would not recomend sustaining any association with someone who is not of their own will interested in the person beyond the physical . A man can find himself preoccupied with his sexual base nature to the point it becomes a liability in his life, he may just need to be redirected to more occupations of substance or greater benefit to the parties concerned , in short find something else worthwhile to do with your time . I think it’s fitting that as we age our sex drives deminishes (i’m 48), else there would be a population crisis and we would be living on top of one another like a bunch of rats. LOL

Has anyone ever been in a relationship where the other person was addicted to porn??? I don’t mind porn in the house and don’t think of it as being bad or sinful. But, my ex had let it take control and run his life. He lost his job because all he could think about was going home to get on the internet. He would not socialize with me, eat dinner with me, come to bed with me – he was a stranger living in MY home, sitting in the office, doing what he did. When I kicked him out he cried because he knew this physical addiction was breaking up his marriage, but he couldn’t stop. It led to on-line affairs (or whatever you want to call them) and total consumption of his life. It was like getting high from drugs and when he’d come off that high, he wouldn’t stop until her received his next “high”. There is a difference between looking at porn and letting port take control of your life! You don’t need a list of 10 things to look for. If you live with someone that is truly addicted to porn, you’ll know it. I feel for anyone with ANY addiction.

Kim J,

“It is not the actual sex and/or porn that is the addiction. When a person orgasms, certain chemicals are released in the brain (norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin for men)”

Thanks, that about explains it. In order to get the same “high” you need to feed more things, just like other drugs. Only this is more dangerous, it’s natural and wont kill you.

#7- “…may complain of wrist pain” LOL

My ex husband is porn addict. He would stay up late at night surfing porn and masterbating. He could not wait for me to leave the house so he could get on the computer and view god knows what. He displayed most of the behavior described in this article.

Porn was not the only reason that we divorced but it was a huge deal breaker for me.

Porn is destructive to many marriages. Mine included.

Please don’t try to justify that porn is all good. I think that it can be safely consumed in small quantities but for some it becomes a fantasy world that is difficult to break free from.

the first couple posts took the words right out my mouth.
the chick who wrote this is an idiot.

Yeah, my ex husband broke a small bone in his wrist. I wonder how that happened?

I like how in the story it’s a “he”, as if women don’t look at porn either. Not complaining, just thought it was funny. You sexists, you!

Is this serious? It seems like an easy way for certain cold fish women to blame the fact that they do not satisfy their man sexually on the use of porn. When in fact, it is usually the lack of satisfaction that leads to the porn in the first place.

Dear Doctor: I’m worried. I’ve been married 8 years. I love it, have two beautiful little girls and a mavelous wife. We have a great life and even better sex life. No problems. But over the past few months, I’ve found myself obsessed with porn sites. But the WRONG kind of porn. I get all excited looking at naked men, esp in underwear and swim suits. I don’t really care for male nudity, although there is some interest. What’s wrong? Am I turning gay? It seems to be growing stonger and stronger every week. I’ve neve EVER had anything close to sex with a male. Yuk! It even sound disgusting. But why am I fascinated with seeing the men naked? I’m beginning to imagine having an affair with a stud at work. We’ve been friends for years, now all of a sudden he’ seems, well… different. I’ve known him since I was 15. He’s quiet endowed (really endowed) and I’m not far behind him, so why do we have this sudden attraction? Please, you’ve got to help me, before I loose my mind, and my family. Please help. Chris.

Ted, I’m definitely angry – if that’s what you meant by “uptight”.

And from reading the majority of men’s reactions to this article. . . I’d say they were uptight too. Doesn’t look like their porno release/outlet helps their own anger issues. I’m not the only uptighty around here.

Ted, you are so astute and mighty passive-aggressive for a man. But this is the internet, so I am wrong to assume you are a man. Sorry about that.

Ted, do you think straight-laced, “uptight” people who have convictions against porn can have the most satisfactory sex lives versus those who need porn to spice things up? Just wondering because I need a chuckle right now since I’m so outraged and need an ‘ porno peon’ all-knowing individual as yourself to help guide my independent thought.

I detest porn. And so does God.

i wish i seen this before i got married to a porn-olic.. At first when we got married didn’t see it but the longer we were married the movies he forgot to put away i found. i’d fine him in the middle of the night masterbating on the couch.. Even doing it in the bed when i was asleep and woke up to him doing it. now we are divorced and he has his porn all over his room and our 12 yr old son knows where he keeps his colection of porn. and his laptop noone is aloud to touch his computer. he’s a sick man..

Looking at the MASSIVE response dear Yvonne struck a chord! I have to start off by saying that #1 – Yvonne is extraordinarily sexy! WOW #2 – Andy . . . you’re three years into the program and only on step two ~ sounds like you’re probably not working that program at all. #3 – Porn addiction is very real, and we’re all in for a very rude awakening in the near future with our new generation. Think about it. . . what images do the porn industry lead you towards? Younger! You rarely see advertized “Geriatric Sex Fiends” . . . or “Grandmothers Gone Wild” ~ but how about “Barely Legal” or “Teenaged Hitchhikers” “Teenie” this or “Teenie” that. We know what the legal porn industry promotes and wonder why we have so many issues with child porn or how the MSNBC Predator stories got so many people in their snare.

What complete baloney! This is yet another example of how some “experts” (ususally women) attempt to make men’s sexual preferences “pathological.” EVERY ONE of the so-alled “indicators” occurs routinely at one time or another in EVERY relationship — on the part of both men AND women. This article is yet another example of so-called “experts” offering advice that accomplishes nothing except making normal people feel as though there is something wrong with them or their partners — and, of course, lining the pockets of the “expert.” Shame, shame on you, Fox, for facilitating such exploitative nonsense.

The reporter is cuuuute

just have to ask did anyone think that the reason someone started looking at porn was that they were not getting what they wanted at home

For all you men who have replied to this article who are attacking the women, who say they know and have lived with a man who has this addiction, and are saying “take a look in the mirror”, let me clue you in a little. It is not about the woman. It’s about the fantasy, and the “high” from looking at the porn, the chemicals that are released in the brain.

I am an attractive woman who has a husband who has had this addiction for more years than I care to say. We always had a great sex life. I am not fat, or ugly, nor do I have sagging boobs. I am a professional and have my own business. This addiction took control of my husband’s life. He would do anything to hide it from me, sneak behind my back, conceal his actions and lie. Because he knew how much it would damage our relationship, and me, my self esteem and our family. And he was ashamed that he would stoop that low to be so deceitful to me. He physically could not stop the urge to go do it.

I made myself readily available to him sexually. Gave willingness to do or try anything he wanted to sexually. Yet he still needed that high from looking at the porn. It takes control, and gets progressively worse as time goes on, if this addiction goes unrecognized, untreated, AND I might add, denied. Which is something he used to do constantly. The denial is a big part of this problem.

You guys who are slamming the women and the men who have come forward with this problem need to step back. There is no “just quit” to it or anything “physical”. It’s all chemical in the brain. It’s worse than any kind of drug you can buy on the street. Because like RDC said, it won’t kill you (physically). But alas, it will kill you in a different way. It will destroy your life, your family, your income, your job, your pride, your own self esteem, and everyone around you, everything about your life will eventually become null and void, and you won’t give a hoot about it. You will start to not care about your family, not care what you have to do to get at that porn, not care how late you stay up to hide it from your spouse. And it will turn you into a pathalogical liar. Because you will deny it with everything you have and even go as far as swearing on your own children’s lives to prove you aren’t doing it. It will cost you your life in one way or another.

So before you sit there and judge these men and women, maybe you should be the one doing “the research.” It can be the women who become addicted as well, or a teenager (this is when my husband got exposed and hooked). Porn is degrading to all parties involved, how can anyone say that this type of stimulation is healthy? I have watched porn with my husband (before I knew this was an addiction for him), I am not a prude by any means. But after living the nightmare I have lived, and continue to deal with, I have to say that it can get out of control, and make your life a nightmare. Why would I watch it now, and feed that addiction? Ask a recovering coke addict how they would feel if their spouse brought home some drugs to do with them. You know the old saying, “One step forward, two steps back.”

Porn addiction does not discriminate, it just destroys.

You guys are going to get a lot of stressed out hardworking business men in trouble with this article…7 of 8 align themselves with working long days in the office

I wouldn’t argue that porn is good, but a woman can say no only so many times before her partner begins to look elsewhere. Physical release is not something men can get along without. It isn’t funny and it is not optional. If a woman suspects her spouse has a porn problem, she’d best look in the mirror for a solution.

WOW Sadie A+++++++++, you nailed it girl!!!!!!!!!!! If all of you worried women just quit fretting about porn, and just TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN and the whole problem goes away. Honestly everybody, scroll up and read Sadie’s comments. She’s got it figured out, I hope Mr. Sadie knows how lucky he is to have her!!!

Many of these comments are obviously left by one who has never been “injured’ by a partners porn addiction. My marriage of 20 years was destroyed by a porn addiction that would not be dealt with. Blaming porn use on ‘the kids’ was the last straw for me. I have been left struggling with feelings of being sexually unattractive and inadequate (who can compete with an airbrused image???) … in my mind I know it wasn’t about me, but it’s hard to shake emotionally. Porn addiction sucks and destroys relationships! Get help if yo’re addicted or if you’ve been victimized!!!

“Porn is addictive, everybody knows that.”

I disagree with that statement. “Porn addiction” is nothing more than a compulisive behavior disorder manifesting itself through pornography and masturbation. Some people compulsivly wash their hands… do we call that an addiction? Hurry let’s ban hand washing… absurd you say? Well if the shoe fits. I’ve seen real addicts and porn is just not on the level of, I don’t know, what about heroine?

I’ve stated in another thread my wife and I occasionally enjoy adult movies and media together. I can assure you there’s no addiction here and I’m not sure how we’ve shown a lack of self-control or self-respect. We’re a normal everyday couple… no check that we’re still honey-mooning after 10 years of marriage, so sadly we’re not the norm. If porn is an absolute negative then that wouldn’t be possible.

See folks it works like this. When my wife and I married her idea of erotic was more the traditional kind. Roses and candles and foot massages and the like. Mine was more explicit. This isn’t uncommon by the way. Somewhere along the way I learned to cherish moonlight walks and kissing in the rain and she learned to be more relaxed about and not threatened by adult entertainment and we even learned some things we didn’t know (I will spare you the specifics). The end result is we enjoy EACH OTHER.

People who view porn are cowards? I’m not sure where you get that… I live near Fort Benning and I can tell you there are plenty of adult entertainment venues around the base. The men and women (and yes there are women “gasp”) in uniform that provide these establishments in business are anything but cowards. And if you mean emotional cowardice then how does that explain my situation?

You’re right that porn is a watse of money. It doesn’t keep one warm or fill one’s belly so it’s not essential. Neither are soft drinks and I would be willing to bet that most people on this forum spent more on soft drinks in the past month than my wife and I spent on porn in the last year. Think on it.

I feel for people here that have experianced pain through an unhealthy obsession or a loved one with an unhealthy obsession with pornography. Just as I feel for people whose lives have been torn asunder by alchohol abuse but that doesn’t stop me from having an occasional drink.

If you hate porn then don’t watch it. If you feel that strongly about your spouse’s use of porn talk to them about it. I don’t think ANYBODY should be forced to comprimise their moral code and I understand that to a large segment of the population finds pornography distasteful. I respect that. It just puts me off that some people don’t seem to respect that some of us don’t feel that way.

By all means if your are exhbiting any of the signs Dr. Fulbright puts forth in this article due to pornography (or for that matter anything else) I urge you to get some help. Exhibit personal responsability and take steps to get your life under control. And if you find your husband’s porn stash (and my biggest question is why hide it?) try putting aside your insecurity and jealousy and look through it WITH him… in most cases he will be thrilled you’ve shown interest in something that obviously turns him on.

All this moaning and complaining about porn is a waste of time anyway. Pandora’s box has been opened and there’s no putting the genie back in the bottle. The possibilty of a widescale government crack down on porn is about as likely as bringing back prohibition. It’s not going to happen. Alcoholics manage to quit drinking eveyday despite the fact that beer is just as accessable as porn. There’s hope for you porn “addicts” yet and it doesn’t require raining on everyone else’s parade.

What a crock. If (2) is a problem, then you can’t readily observe (3) or (4) now, can you? And (6) — well, duh! But if someone is seriously experiencing a problem staying away from porn, I don’t think a straight (dishonest) “No” would be hard to bring out. That said, there is no such thing as porn “addiction”. It doesn’t fit the medical criteria of what an addiction is; rather, it is a “compulsion”.

I do, however, fully agree with the assertion that a secret compulsion to consume pornographic material is equivalent to cheating on your partner.

Just a girl’s point of view, but….
A) If you are a sex addict there is probably a lot more going on your life that is consuming you than just some porn. Addiction doesn’t just involve ‘regular’ action, it involves obsessive thoughts and obsessive behaviors that are beyond your control. If you are dealing with a person with sex addiction they need help, professional and 12 step in my humble opinion.

However:

B) It sounds like the author is addressing women being uncomfortable with men’s behaviors. It sounds like she has no clue about human sexuality, on any real level. If you are going broke because your husband/boyfriend is running up debt on porn, you have a problem, and that problem is him… If you are not very sexually involved, never bring anything new to the table, avoid seeing what it is he’s into and trying it out (within reason), withhold compliments, and in general have conversations that revolve around housework, kids, grocery shopping and “complaint sessions” and he has turned to some alternative entertainment….maybe the problem is Y-O-U.
I once heard men like the fact that the women in pictures (this was before the internet was so popular) are smiling and look happy to see them. Personally when my husband calls, I put on a smile and a happy voice even if I’m frustrated in the moment. Those call during the day mean a lot to me and I want them to be positive. When he gets home, he gets a cold beverage and, you guessed it, a smile, as often as I can. The occasional note in the lunch box, and a smiley face drawn on it. Overall, I just let him know I love him. I tell him he’s hot, and that I appreciate the work he does. I think women are selfish, they are unfocused on their guys needs then surprised they are not his whole world. Does that mean I never share problems, no. They just don’t need to come out the minute he gets home. Yes, I have a great sex life. No I don’t care if my husband looks at porn when we are not together. He doesn’t often b/c he has no need. When he does, t isn’t hidden b/c it isn’t treated any different than playing a game or watching a tv show. And if he does, he usually isn’t ‘taking care of business’ but letting the turn ride until I get home. Yes we have children and pets and bills and responsibility, and I usually work outside the home.

I say if you are not dealing with an actual sex addict, but a man trying not to cheat, or trying to relieve some tension a little too often for your taste. Then, get involved and quit acting like he is the problem. Withdrawn and uninterested may be signs of a feeling of rejection/frustration….not compulsive behavior.
I’ve read her articles before and find them to be less than enlightening. Glad I’m not a regular reader.

People who write this drivel should be shot. The shear ignorance and fear of porn is a clear indication of sexual suppression which is unhealthy to say the least. It’s just as rediculous as telling a child that masturbation is a sin, or causes some sort of physical ailment.

I pity anyone who takes this seriously. Long live pornography!

What kind of porn are we talking about? I like the kind with large fur-bearing mammals.

Question:
Does your partner have a PORN problem?

Answer: Yes! (Lifetime channel, Days of our lives, As the world turns, Oprah, Guiding Light; to mention just a few.)

I used SuperCheckMate to scan our computer and I found some dirty pictures but luckily they where mine and not his

Interesting. I see that the man haters are out in full force on this one. Except for Sadie and a couple other women. Too bad Sadie is already married because she actually does sound like the perfect woman. With her attitude, I can see why any man would want to dote on her 24/7.

However, I have an addiction I just have to get off my chest. Here’s the symptoms and I;d like your opinion on hel poptions:

1. I often arise in the middle of the night, a couple of times, to get some of this……
2. I will leave my desk several times during the day to “get a fix”.
3. I’ve spent all the money I had in my pocket on it mor ethan once.
4. When the urge to get a fix comes over me, I can think of nothing else until the need is satiated.
5. I have stolen it.
6. During particularly bad urges, I have not cared too much about it purity.

There are other symptoms too, but this is getting difficult to write. Oh by the way, the addiction I’m referencing is water.

This addiction can be overcome I know as I was a victim of a husband who had this problem. It had an affect on our marriage, family, and Christian walk. We were one of the lucky ones

She did state in the article that she would use “He,” and it did not have any meaning about being directed towards the male gender. If some of the women who’s significant other would actually spend some time making themselves look good, take an interest in sex, iniate more encounters, then the men would not have to look at porn to take care of business. No one likes a sloppy out of shape woman who has no self esteem, no drive, and no sexual desire. GET A CLUE WOMEN.

OK Ladies, you make good points but many of them miss the mark.

Us guys want our woman to genuinely WANT us. Porn is fantasy….sure no arguement there, but the fantasy that us men see in porn is a woman that intensely desires a man. Oh the porn star might be a little hottie, but we know she’s nothing but trouble. We just want our wives to want us like that, the worst thing you can do is say, “ok here it is, have your fun”. And we will, but we know that your heart is not in it, so the experience rings hollow for us.

The more interested my wife is in me, the more concerned she is about me and my needs, the less interested I am in porn PERIOD! And, the more I become interested in meeting her needs.

So if you catch your man with porn, don’t freak out, just seduce him back, accept the challenge, how can a computer or a magazine compete with your flesh and blood (and perfume). Don’t fight his biology (you can’t change it anyway) just use it to secure your relationship with him, (BTW he’ll feel stupid about his porn if you approach it this way). And don’t worry if you think you’re chubby or saggy your probably a lot hotter than you realize!!!

Sadie is right, we men are simple, maybe so simple you women are still in disbelieve! Q. “Are they really that simple???” A. “Sorry honey….but…Yes they are.”

First off, Emily, you may need to cool off or something because yes, you are really uptight. For one, where in the bible does it say porn is wrong? That’s right, it doesn’t. So when did God the Almighty tell you he detests porn? I’m sure he didn’t do that either so please don’t put word in our Lord’s mouth. Also, don’t pull the ten comandments out either because porn is not adultery. Looking at a picture is no different than checking out the hot guy standing on the corner. You can look at the menu as long as you are not sampling the entrees.

I am a married woman. I am 5′8, 135lbs, after two kids and I look great. I don’t get insults from people. My husband enjoys porn, and I know that is not fed by my lack of self pampering. I enjoy porn. And as earlier stated, I live next to Fort Benning as well so there is all sorts of recources to feed our curiosities. We have starship and numberous strips clubs. Just enough to feed the more than normal sexual appetite. But the key thing is, despite this, we love and respect each other and that is what it is all about.

Porn is a fantasy and it is a way to physically view your fantasies. Heck, they got something for everyone. You want geriatric women spanking spanish guys? Look it up online. You want 7 girls on a guy and a sheep ? Go to the internet. You want nurses dress like smurfs chasing diaper wearing biker gangs? Look it up online. I can almost guarantee you will find this stuff, and it’s out there because more than one person has an interest. I mean heck, human sexuality in its own has been a big part of human beings dating back to ancient times. When did it become so wrong to explore that animalistic side?

Statistics can’t truly reflect the condition of our society related to porn usage and porn addiction. As long as the human race compartmentalizes behavior and allows duplicity in our thinking, we will never be able to understand that wholeness of being is a God-given condition constantly under the bombardment of media, selfishness of men AND women, and the ever widening trail of bad examples that proceed our day and time.

Porn (from the Greek word ‘Porne” = whore or prostitute) is not the norm. For some it is a distraction, for many it is an obsession. Speaking for myself, the moment I start thinking about the size of a woman’s anatomical features as portrayed in a magazine, web photo, or summer frock on the boardwalk, I have conceived a destructive slope of lust and desire that has only one of two results…. Lust or Trust.

Since I have a pedigree that assures me that I am not a member of the lower order of animals, I choose to flesh out the higher virtue of delayed gratification, proper expression of my sexuality, and the joys of 26 years of marriage. The trust of my wife is more valuable to me than a fantasy life centered on pornography. Anything less than that is wrong. I make no excuses for myself. Period.

Comments and thoughts like Nacy and the others like it will be the downfall and degradation of this great country. But that is the price we pay when people like this abuse our great freedoms and chose what feels good in the moment over what is right over the long run. People demand freedom of speech over freedom of thought which they seldom use, as has been shown here by the selfish thoughtless words typed by several selfish and heartless people. If I can beat the addiction to pornograpfy, so can anyone else. It is a choice and it looks like we have chosen the bad. It reminds me of what the Bible says where good will be called evil and evil good. Here is a great example of it. How sad. God bless America, because no one else can.

i then loathe the fact that i am enjoying a very plastic form of sexuality. plastic defined: limited, flush with no spirit, incapable of individual action, cheap, a poor semblance to the true verve-potion, completely pliant to one’s will. i realize that in this plastic world i am entirely isolated and it is this isolation, this siberium that slowly encoldens my skin. it is this absence of the concerto of conversation that most scars my spirit. it is this vacancy of one of life’s most blessèd pomegranates that enfogs my interior and morphs my green to olive and my crimson to maroon. and yet this narrow form of sexuality which is so laced with the splinter and the dagger also contains enough heart-rush that one only resists it with much pierce and maul. it is a blooded amalgam of pleasùra and hex-pain, an authentic vexo-euphoria.

Two points:

1) Most of these warning signs would also accompany an addiction to tv football. They are not sex-specific problems for a relationship.

2) One big difference between watching porn and having an affair is that the porn star is not touching or even paying attention to the watcher. So, the watcher is not getting anything like he/she gets in an affair. So, there is no interested person drawing away the partner, no person to be jealous of.

Shall we than also equivocate romance novels to adultery? I think not, yet if you follow this line of reasoning that’s a very valid conclusion.

The fact is that this is written by a woman who is operating on a simple personal dislike for porn. This, like alot of other things, is not really relevant to morality or any such clear cut standard. Men sometimes like it, their respective partners sometimes dislike this fact. Why is one preference more acceptable than the other?

It may be cheap, plastic, ultimately unfulfilling, and mostly unnecessary if you have a healthy sexual relationship, but why can’t a man (or woman for that matter) have a satisfying and honest relationship with their partner and still utilize porn? I do.

Can anyone provide justification that doesn’t relate to something about solid Christian morality or otherwise pure personal distaste for the stuff?

I wanted to comment to Nacy that God does detest porn as porn is lust in action. I’m sure if you take the time to do some research about lust in the Bible, you’ll see how deplorable it is to God.

Furthermore, you couples who play with porn play with fire. Scientific research has shown that viewing pornography can erode satisfaction with one’s spouse, sexually/physically/emotionally, over time.

Call me uptight or whatever, it bothers me not as I have based my convictions on observations made of couples, single men, single women, society in general over a span of 35 years. As well as my spiritual convictions which have protected me from a great many troubles that I’ve seen others get neck-deep in and change their lives in a detrimental way that they can’t go back and fix.

If you, man – woman – couples, choose to participate in porn in any such way, that’s your choice. But just because you think it’s okay doesn’t make it okay.

As for viewers of porn being lumped together with serial killers, rapists, and other criminals and mentally ill folks who started out using porn, don’t think these “baddies” are in the minority. All around us are sexual deviants who keep their secrets hidden in the dark at home. There’s more of you, yes you, than you think there are. You just put yourself on the end of the sex-sicko scale that makes you comfortable so you don’t have to feel guilty or bad about yourself. You may think you don’t have a problem, and maybe you don’t – but as long as you buy the scum off the shelves and order it in nondescript brown wrapping paper for your mailbox – you continue to support the growing network of “baddies” who will be addicted to and possibly act out in society (maybe on your own children!) in a criminal, sexual way.

So even if you aren’t addicted, you are an enabler of those who you don’t know who may have a problem. I just hope they don’t come after your children or your loved ones. If they do, I hope you feel immense guilt and change your convictions.

SO many of you claim to have awesome sex lives because of porn’s presence in your own home, but if you were inclined to have good sex, why do you need the mess? I think it says a lot about your desensitivity to plain, pure sex without the porn. . . or perhaps you just really lack imagination in intimacy? So brag all you want, ladies who give the okay to your husbands, say you have amazing sex – but really, you have no clue what goes on inside the mind of your husband. I s’pose he is respectful enough, sort of anyways, not to tell you how sick he really is and that he doesn’t think you’re all that hot compared to the airbrushed naked bimbo he got aroused by while sitting on the commode in your bathroom. **What a great catch you have married?!?!?!** (sarcasm, indeed)

I must be ultra-naive because I don’t know a single woman or man who has been ultimately happy or secure in a relationship where the other partner went off to topless bars or strip joints with the buds (men or women) or in a relationship where the other partner had that philosophy of “boys will be boys” or loved to sit and devour the trashy novels or other sexualized media.

But if you say you are. . . fine. As for me, I found a wonderful man who doesn’t do these things. Granted, he may have inner battles as we all do – we’re human and my sins/battles aren’t any more golden. But we’re happy together and find satisfaction in respecting one another’s feelings and putting one another first before self.

Some people are under the pretense that it’s “normal” and all men/women look at porn. But I’m here to inform you that there are men and women out there who DON’T go after that sort of thing. Maybe you’ve just accepted your lot in life because you didn’t think you could do better or find better. . .

If you had to advise a child, say your little girl when she grows up and wants to be married, about whether to marry a man who likes a little porn or not, what would you do? Sure, it’s personal, but really, what would you tell her to do? Don’t you think she deserves better?

So many of you missed the mark of this column. You were so affronted by the insinuation that men had the problems instead of seeing that porn can be and is addictive. Geez.