This comes from the same person that wrote a couple months ago that sexual addictions are made up, and not a reality. Why the sudden transformation to a belief that it could cause relationship problems, or that it even exists?

I think these articles are written by somebody that is severly confused about sexuality, and what a healthy relationship consists of. At least this time, she acknowledges that porn can be an addiction, and that it is a source of relationship problems. Believing otherwise is very naive. It is a problem even if you’re not in a relationship.

Want to know the problem with these type of lists? “10 ways to know if your partner is secretly doing X”

These things ca work a lot like a horoscope, which is not good. Someone can read all the points and begin to go “yeah I’ve noticed that… yeah i noticed them doing that too! Hey wait I noticed that last week too!”

Lists like this have a potential to hurt as many people as they help. Many people who read any sort of list like this will become paranoid. I believe some of the points are not valid anyway.

1. Not being social or becoming less social… I don’t get this one. Are you suggesting that the person is so addicted that they would slip away from a dinner party or something?

2. Unresponsiveness could be for a LOT of reasons.

3. Not sure this is related either. Tendency to be rough was around long before porn. Porn got it from couples who did it, not the other way around.

4. again, not seeming present could be for a lot of reasons.

5. This may be a relationship issue but i have never seen this confined to the bedroom if it is a problem.

6. Avoiding your questions. ok this may be legit. I’ll give you this one.

7. I dunno about this one. I use the net for probably 1 or 2 hours a day which seems like a lot for someone who uses it twice a week. as a teen i spent sometimes as much as 6 hours online chatting and things. I find it hard to believe that someone could be on the computer for SO LONG that they develop back problems but the partner still doesn’t know what the other person is doing for hours on end. Again this is a point though that is going to bring up suspicion in a lot of people.

8. Change in demeanor. Sorry but again this is SO broad that i don’t know why it is on the list.

I think a few requiements should be made to take suspicion away. The computer should be in a cnetral room with the screen facing out. Both people in the relationship should know the passwords to all accounts on the computer and DVDs and video tapes should be watchable and know about by both people.

but like i said i think this list is unfair. some of the things on this list may surface because of past problems that no longer exist. other things may be linked to something outside the bedroom entirely… want to freak yourself out? go read a list that says “20 ways to know your mate is secretly trying to murder you.”

Using Porn is the equivelant of having an affair? Maybe for some, but for most people it is not, as long as it isn’t taken to the extreme. This seems like a blanket statement that is really a grey area - porn means different things to different people.

Thanks for the good information. I think that it would help your readers even more if you posted a list of 12-Step groups that can help with porn and sex addiction. I have been a member of Sex Addicts Anonymous for going on three years now. Unfortunately for me, I was also in the service and had to do two 7-month deployments during that time. However, I have completed my First Step and I’m working on the Second. The biggest problem I had before the group was thinking that I was some sort of freak and that no one else would understand the emotional roller coaster I was on. Thankfully, the members of my SAA group enabled me to see that I was no alone and that there was hope for a more sober life. I won’t put the websites on here, but I think that you could do your readers a tremendous service if you would post those sites in another, follow-on column.

My wife and I watch porn together… she also knows that I watch it by myself. We have 4 children, and not a lot of time. We both understand the physical needs we may have. So when I am not around… she takes liberty with her vibrating friends. And I am good with that… I want her happy and relaxed, not all pent up and horny when she goes out.

We typically have sex 3 to 4 times a week… that being said, I have roughly 10 to 20 orgasms a week… with only 3 to 4 of them being with her. When I am not with her, or she is just not available, I watch porn. I don’t feel I am addicted but heck, we watch it together… and when I do watch it, it is usually something about wife sharing, cuckold, swinging, etc.

When I watch it, I fantasize that I am sharing my wife with another guy… I guess I am a freak… but this is a fantasy we both share… and both realize we will never do… but the fantasy is fun.

I watch a lot of porn, but I (and I am sure my wife would agree) do not feel that I am addicted to it.

OK guys it’s time to do a little research.

porn is NOT an addiction, it isn’t even recognized as one in the scientific community.

Like anything else it can be a compulsion but it is not an addiction.

When you start your story with an incorrect premise the rest of the story is equally incorrect.

I’ve been addicted to porn before, but I think it was directly linked to my fiancee having serious issues with porn in general. Right now she doesn’t have sex with me and I look at porn maybe once a day for a brief period. She will never be able to accept me looking at porn and I want to be with her so once we work things out I will need to do my best to never look at porn. I guess what I’m trying to say is your girlfriend rejecting porn and you looking at it creates a secret world that can grow and also creates a divide between you two. I think very few people would become addicted to porn if porn wasn’t a issue for many women.

I find this insulting from someone who wrote a few months ago that sex addictions are “made up”. I was less than humored that a so called “expert” could make such an asinine accusation. I have been in sex addiction recovery for over 7 years now and know that it absolutely exists and further, is a very big problem for hundreds of thousands of people. I am now a sex addiction counselor and find it very disturbing that some “expert” would come out with a blanket statement as ridiculous as your’s was. The internet has caused the downfall of many relationships as well as the sanity of those who find they are addicted and cannot stop. I am encouraged to see someone from a Sex Addiction recovery group post here. Being in a 12 step group for my addiction has saved my life and allowed me to heal in ways I could only have imagined in the past. One thing I have learned not only in recovery but from life in general, I should probably keep my mouth shut when I have no idea what I am talking about. I will pray that you are also able to find such a path.

Five of the eight are also attributable to old age:

1) Not as socially active
2) Lacking interest or unresponsive
4) Not always ‘present’
7) Lots of time on the internet
Change in demeanor.

Well i have to say this is a hard subject for me. I am addicted. And it is difficult to hide the problem, and the thing is its especially hard when you can get access to it easily. You say that guys go as far as getting email accounts that are private or cell phones or whatever, but its much easier than that, u dont have to do stuff like that. Now a days its free like theres some websites that u dont need to pay to view such as “redtube” where all u need is to delete your history, easy as that. For me its hard because i cheated on my wife 2 years ago. And well at that time i wasent happy and wanted to leave her and i did ask for a divorce but we were also trying to work it out, in the midst i found someone in another city. And spent a year and a half hiding this from my wife. And yes she eventually found out. And since then i have not cheated and wont cheat, but at first did use porn as a crutch. Now its been 2 years and i find myself addicted to it. I dont want to be. But when im totally alone its hard not too. I love my wife and always will, things are getting better between us. Better than its ever been but i struggle with the problem and this adddiction is real.

What fascinates me about articles on this subject is the contortion of logic and language that so frequently appears. Some gems in this article:
“Serious relationship with [porn]” What’s that? Seems to me that whatever use or abuse is going on with porn can’t reasonably be described as a “relationship”.
“Beyond a magazine like Playboy” What’s the Playboy exemption? If Playboy isn’t porn, what exactly is? Does Fox or Dr. Fulbright have a financial interest?

The “symptoms” described here are so vague that I think a majority of them are seen in “down” times in any relationship. So I suspect that this article will create as much relationship distress through false accusation as it helps. While I’m sure there are many people with an obsession with porn, it seems to me that this kind of simplistic discussion isn’t really helpful.

How about an article on “victimization addiction” or “paranoid suspicion addiction”?

These guys don’t get it. Those are exactly the symptoms my husband displayed, plus, the computer screen would always change when I walked in the room.

I decided to fix the problem. I checked his History and watched some of the movies. Wasn’t my taste but I got the picture. I went on CL and rounded up a couple of MM4W types and stunned my husband by telling him what I was doing and inviting him to join in.

That was three months ago. He has been full focus on me ever since. That and I was astonished how much I enjoyed myself.

Give me a break. Guys are very simple. I know this is a generalization, but I would venture to guess that most men, like myself, aren’t “nit picky” about our lover’s appearance. Porn use equivalent to an affair? I might be more tempted to have an affair if it weren’t for porn. If a guy is using porn, chances are it’s his only logical alternative to having an affair or using prostitutes and risking disease, divorce, child custody battles, alimony and child support payments etc. I’d say 99 and 44/100 percent of the time, I’d rather have actual sex than use porn, and again, I’d say most guys are with me on this.

It would seem Yvonne is over reacting to this problem. I’m also not surprised that she uses “he” to discribe the partner with the problem. In her world, women are never the source of any sexual problems. Of course in the real world, they often are.

I’m very surprised by this article after the recent one which proclaimed that there was no such thing as sexual addiction (which is absurd). This article actually identified porn as harmful to a relationship, which through me for a loop. While I completely agree, this author has in past articles taken a view that pretty much anything goes sexually. Perhaps she decided to stick to information that actually builds up marriages.

Honestly, while some of these points seemed a little out there, I must agree that any of them in concert with others could be a good warning sign. I think you should have probably gone to more trouble to provide more information for spouses that suspect their husband (lets get real…women just don’t have porn addictions) may have a problem.

I lived with a man addicted to porn. After a phone bill of over $900.00 and a dish satellite bill of over $700.00 he is no longer in my life. The signs listed here were not present. He was extremely good at being sneaky and maintaining all the outward signs of being normal.

Ummmm this also sounds like DEPRESSION. Not everything is about porn. That would be easier to handle.

I think the porn problem in the United States is largely the fault of the fat ugly women who are no longer attractive to their men. Men will look where they find what they want to see… face the reality ladies.

This article is WAY OFF the mark.

While many of these “signs” could point to porn addiction, they could also point to many, many other things.

This list is SO general.

Ah… BOSTON SPANGLER… I just read your post… yeah… it’s a lot like you said.

It’s like saying your boyfriend is an alcoholic because he lives next to a liquor store and sometimes doesn’t let you know where he’s going… when if fact he’s really just picking up drugs at the crack house next door.

Yeah… this article sort of… is missing something? The “porn addiction” part of it seems to really just be there for the attention grabbing effect. Many of the items on the list can be used to describe a number of relationship obstacles; not just a pornography problem: affairs, self perception, depression, stress to name a few.

On the other hand, promoting forthrightness and honesty in a relationship is nothing but good. So at least there is that.

Still, I can just imagine someone who feels like they “aren’t good enough,” having real self esteem issues, and exhibiting some of those behaviors. All of the sudden, their spouse reads this article, become overwhelmed, confronts their spouse insensitively and aggressively and just furthers the problem.

So please, if you’re facing some kind of relationship problem, try to remain open minded, caring, and don’t reach any conclusions for which you don’t have specific reasons.

Ok, can you tell I’ve been burned in a similar situation?

How about a little honesty with the title of the article! Seven of the eight points are all about “He does”, “He didn’t”, “He might”, I never read a single, “She” in any of them. Item #4 did omitted the pronouns, hats off to ya there! So Dr. Yvonne you could have just titled the article something like….

“Hey Girls! Let’s Bash the Guys about Their Porn Since We’re All So Perfectly Sexually Balanced”.

Then I wouldn’t have wasted my time reading an article that teaches women to be better porn detectives rather than how to better understand their husbands and improve their marriages. But then you’d have to understand men a little better to be able to write something like that.

we (men, that is) are just horny, dat’s all …

I am very grateful this issue is now being brought to light. I was the partner of a sex/love/relationship addict, without having the information and background. The relationship was blown apart three years ago as a result of his “personal issues” and I have just gotten past the PTSD I suffered as a result.

In response to the note above questioning the “signs” . . . once you have been impacted by this situation, the list makes perfect sense.

Sex/Love/Relationship compulsive behaviors in all their forms are slowly becoming recognized as an epidemic now.

Did anyone other than myself notice how this article is pointed at the male half of the relationship. Considering the growing numbers of female teachers that are now reported in the news for abusing their students, I think this story should have been more gender neutral. There is an extreme growing number of women that are increasingly getting addicted to porn, just as well as the men. Thank you.

Wow, all of tese signs ALSO point to a person not happy with their relationship, and looking to leave.

As well as a person overstressed about work.

Or a person generally not happy about life.

Or a person that is going through a mid life crisis.

As well as pretty much ANYONE going through ANYTHING. Way to help cause extra fights, and make these poor sob’s lives even worse!

I thought I had a porn problem until I read this. I guess I’m just a guy who likes boobs and stuff. I would imagine that people exhibiting these or all of the mentioned behaviors have a much more serious problem with their commitment to a significant other than porn alone. Porn I think has simply become available to the masses, and as such, is an easier (yet sinful) outlet for biological desires that are prevelant in all males. Whether or not we act on them and to what extent determines a problem or an addiction. I think it should be treated more as an addiction than anything else however. It’s ashame when anyone puts something (anything) before their spouse or the mandatory obligations they have in daily life. Having said that, I would take porn as an addiction over drugs or any other serious behavioral issue.

sure blame it on the guy

The conjugal act is ordered by God to be for the mutual self giving of a man and woman bound by sacramental matrimony, becoming no longer two but one flesh. All pornography is gravely offensive because it perverts the conjugal act. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others.

Fulbright doesn’t state whether or not the partner has an addiction per se. Of course, Fox, or any news outlet, is going to throw “addict” into the headliner to grab readers’ attention. I think Trevor needs to learn more about how the media operates before this know-it-all takes slapshots at people. Fulbright came out pretty hard against the “addiction” diagnosis a couple of months ago. And people don’t change their opinion overnight.

,To suggest that watching porn is just as bad as cheating on your spouse is nonsense. It might not be the best way to spend your time, but it’s hardly a divorce worthy event.

My ex-boyfriend was addicted to internet porn and it was one of the worst things I ever went through. I won’t go into details, but for those of you who don’t believe in this, you’ve got another thing coming. It destroyed our relationship.

You really are living in a feminist fantasy world. Only it is becoming a nightmare. Is the “comunist” actually saying on the one hand that using porn is the same as having an affair but yet on the other can be and is used by couples to “spice up” their sex life? Please. What kind of moral swirl are you living in? It is comical watching the post modern mindset try to make up rules for the rules they just made up?!? Pornography is symptomatic of a decaying culture–period. It is not virtuous. It is not noble. It is not a legitimate tool. Like drugs, alcohol, stealing and all the rest it is simply behavior that we once as a culture could admit was just sinful and wrong. The notion that we are on some wonderful new and free frontier is laughable. We are repeating the cultural death lessons that all other great civilizations have done. And one last word about the “columnist’s” gleeful admission that women are using porn more and more. She knows and every woman knows that they only go there because they have been manipulated into thinking they should like it. The addiction that follows is nothing more than their enslavement and a corruption of their desire to be desired.

Women–If your man is addicted to porn take a good look in the mirror. You are probably at fault. Have you gained 15-20 lbs since you met him? Are your breasts sagging? Do you nag? Do you deny him sex? If so, you are at fault. Oh, and he’s probably having an affair also.

The article seems to be written from the perspective of a woman.

It fails to take into account that if a guy is not sexually satisfied by his mate, he is more likely to get into porn, as he is more likely to have an affair.

I’m not saying it is full justification, but it is a factor that was not taken into account.

The problem with porn is that it usurps the true intimacy in a real sexual relationship. . . it may sate one type of sexual hunger, but it steals emotional depth from the user and the other individual in the in the relationship. It is ultimately a selfish pleasure that says, “I put my needs above your’s,” and creates feelings of unworthiness, guilt, distrust, disrespect and rejection in the relationship.

Anything that creates those kinds of feelings in a relationship (such as porn, too much golfing, too much time hangin’ with the ladies shopping, etc.) can have the damaging effects of an outside love affair. It is a slippery slope that I feel men and women are best to avoid. It’s dangerous.

Even Playboy, as benign as it seems to our culture, screams sexual selfishness. . . And that doesn’t build a true, satisfactory real relationships for men and women.

Porn is the easy way out of having to build a pure, committed love relationship. It’s a crutch. Just like drug abuse.

I am going to agree with those who have said this list is vague and is far more likely to inspire unwarranted suspicion than it is solve any real problems.

Being an IT professional I often work late into the night on the internet, should my partner ponder whether I am browsing porn sites?

Stress and fatigue sometimes make me unresponsive, should she question whether I am using my energy elsewhere?

If you are truly the “experts” on this sort of thing then I got into the wrong line. I could have easily come up with something more detailed and sophisticated.

I do agree that pornography is a problem and it can destroy relationships but more often than not the problem begins with intimacy issues with one or both partners and subsequent communications breakdowns. Couples that reach that point are in need of some serious help not silly and simplistic lists of things to look for to get angry at each other.

I believe it IS on par with cheating on your spouse. Men are visually stimulated. To take that away from your wife or partner and focus that attention elsewhere (like on porn) is cheating. Women are typically emtionally stimulated. If a woman were to get her emotional stimulation somewhere else, THAT would be also be a form of cheating. Any time you give something to someone else that should be reserved for your partner, it IS a form of cheating. To tell yourself otherwise is just fooling yourself.

Watch what you write here. Most, but not all, of these symptoms are evidences of low testosterone too. Others, are just symptoms of having a very fat wife (lol). Just be careful of your diagnosis.

10 reasons we watch porn

1 you don’t do what you should do
2 your fat
3 your not as pretty as you use to be
4 that robe is hidious
5 being a bitch is not a turn on
6 if you can’t enjoy yourself, how can you enjoy me
7 they do it whenever i want
8 no holes barred
9 hard to kiss with that smoke coming out of your mouth
10 on my schedule

would you rather us have porn, or a girlfriend? Straighten up and do like you should and we will need neither!!!

I would like to address the comments made by Boston Spangler as well as the ones by Andy; I will first start with Boston. Lists like this can be unsummontably helpfull to someone facing something they have no clue as to what is going on; it gives them a beginning to generalize possiblilities. I have lived the things that were discussed in this article…every single one of them and more. Sexual addiction exist and is just as potent as drugs or alcohol, so to respond to each of your points:

1. Yes a sexual addict becomes unsociable because yes they would rather be acting out or in their fantasy world rather than socializing. Woud an alcoholic or a drug addict not depart a party if they saw an opportunity to get high or drunk? Absolutely.
2. Yes, unresponsive could be for alot of reasons but if your partner is an addict you will know the difference between the unresponsiveness.
3. Yes, the tendency to be rough has been around for a long time but when you have experienced a tender partner who turns to roughness, unnecessary roughness then there is a problem; and please do not compare the roughness in porn with the roughness in a typical relationship; the implorable roughness I have seen in the porn my partner was involved in was not normal. The porn industry goes beyond what is normal so that they can draw in victims.
4. Yes not seeming present could be for a lot of reasons but as someone who has lived it, try being intimate with someone when you know they are off in a fantasy and you are just an object at that time! You know he difference.
5. Once again, this is a true fact…my partner began looking at me differently because in his fantasy world of porn he wanted me to look like those confused women he saw in his porn. He wanted me to start dressing different, trashy so to speak. He commented about my appearance and distroyed my self esteem.
6. Addicts become habitual liars, they lie about everything to cover their indiscretions.
7. Yes addicts do spend enough time on the net to develop back problems because you see the porn has a hold on them they cannot get loose from without help, just like a drug addict or alcolholic. Their every waking moment short of the time they are at work is spent on the net.
8. Another true fact, they get so caught up in their guilt and trying to hide their problem that they become angry. The try to place the blame elsewhere and most of the time they try to place it on their partner trying to convince the partner they have a problem. His mood and interests are different, they are led by their porn addiction.
I lived this for 3 years and everything listed is a true sound fact and sure some of the facts are broad but when you see the majority of them existing in someone, they should not be ignored; you will learn to recognize the difference between “a lot of reasons” and someone who has an addiction to porn. This is not something to take lightly, not everyone who looks at porn will become addicted just like not every one who drinks or does drugs will become an addict but it is an existing addiction that has grown tremendously due to the net and the “freedom of speech” allowed to this industry. It is trash, unmoral and destroys lives.

For Andy: I would like to say thank you for your courage to speak up about your addiction and recovery, if more people would do this Sexual Addictions would be recognized as an existing addiction just like drugs and alcohol. God bless you!

Try “escape”. Most every man I know nods grimly when he hears to answer to “Did you know they discovered a food that starts an irreversible decline in a woman’s sex desire?” (Wedding Cake)

Why is it only “he” that would have this problem?

What is a man supposed to do when each time he wants to have sex, his wife comes up with a different excuse for denial like “you don’t do anything around the house” (which in my case is a load of crap), or “you never get me the right gift” (isn’t it the thought that counts?) or a number of other reasons that always seem to be my fault and equally as ridiculous? We have been married for 18 years and I have NEVER cheated on my wife, although it crosses my mind from time to time, and then I realize that I love her and my kids so much that I would not want to bring shame to them or myself. I am 53 years old and am thankful for the fact that I can still have sex without the need for Viagra. I am not an adonis although my wife is a 10+ and is very sexy. It drives me crazy to know that we do not have sex as often as the average couple. So online I go to take care of business. She says she loves me, she is a good mom, she is very religious, and I truly believe that she is not getting it elsewhere. What am I suppose to do?

I guess I’m lucky. My wife is very sexual like me. We watch porn together. It enhances our sexual experience. We both have orgasms several times a week even if I’m not around. She is very open about it and tells me about pleasing herself. We are open and honest about it. I don’t think it’s cheating.

If porn is an additciton, then women fasciniated with love stories and movies are addicted. If watching porn will make me have unrealisitc and abusive expectations from my lover, then if she is facintated with love stories she would have unrealistic abusive expectations of me. Give me a break. All those steps are typical things every wife accuses a husband of doing. Every wife reading this will be dropping there trust in their spouse and rumaging through everything their husband has contact with. Paranoia is really healthy for a relationship too.

As a former porn user (Addicted, by definition, means you can’t go without it) I can say this article contradicts itself, as well as things the Doc have said before so many times it’s laughable. 8 of the 10 symptoms are present in my wife - and she hates porn. Cudos to all that have responded before me more eloquently. I love the net!

I was married to such a person and didn’t have any idea how someone could be so addicted to porn…
I knew for awhile something wasn’t right with him but I couldn’t put my finger on it…This was my 2nd marriage and I didn’t want it to fail…
He lied and lied about all it until the end ….We actually went to a Sex Doctor and then everything came out…I tried to deal with it but there was so much stuff I divorced him 4 years ago.Haven’t had Sex or a boyfriend…I’m so scare now to trust …Is there something wrong with me for not dating ?

My wife of 21+ years has consummated our marriage less than 80 times during that time.

If it were not for the Internet and the things available there, I would have left her a very long time ago. As it is, I have been able to put up with it because of the Internet.

I think it’s a better, and safer alternative than having an affair and running the risk of splitting our marriage before our kids are out of school.

Watching porn is cheating. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t feel so hurt, rejected, and insecure when I find out my husband has been watching it. Don’t think your wives and girlfriends are just uptight prudes, guys. It’s an automatic reaction to feel threatened by the competition, and it’s no wonder people get divorced over it.

There are many people who can look at porn with as much interest/disinterest as a piece of art. Some of us, though, have addictive tendencies.

Addiction is a dysfunction in search of an object. Like it or not, this particular one mostly targeted men (successfully, I might add) for a long time. Don’t feel picked on, guys; the porn industry recognizes the market potential among women. This is becoming an equal opportunity addiction.

If you can use porn and not have those images, positions, techniques playing in your head when the real thing happens, you’re probably not an addict. I envy you.

I noticed that the women are angry about porn, and the men are defensive and demeaning. It seems to me that if Pornography was not a problem, and so addictive, that this wouldnt be such a hot topic. I posted this recently on a previous article about pornography. I will repost it.

I struggled with an addiction to pornography for 22 years. I got hooked at 11 years old, because my dad brought it into the house. Pornography is as, if not more addictive than drugs or alcohol. It is destructive and demeaning. It destroys the natural sense of beauty and intimacy. It mocks the very sacred gift of procreation. It is a mockery of free speech. It has been known to be a major contributing factor in heinous crimes such as rape, murder, and child molestation. It demeans and belittles women. It desensitizes men, sexually fragments the mind and perverts the values of what a family is. I have seen it turn good, honest men into lying, destructive, monsters and rip families to shreds. If you watch, view or contribute to Pornography you DO have a problem. There are no positives to Pornography, period. It doesn’t help your sex life; it doesn’t make you a man, it simply destroys nothing else, and I would challenge ANYONE to prove otherwise. I lived it I know.

By the way “one who knows” you are a coward for hiding behind the internet and saying such awful and demeaning things about women. It is the addicts fault for getting involved and no one elses. Only one addicted to porn would use such a cowardly remark.

“They assume their partner understands that using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair.” Are you kidding me?

I am a recovering sex addict, my boundaries are the internet. To all of you responders who claim the list can both help and hurt, you are correct. The list is merely a tool to use, it is not a pass or fail test. For each response that claims an addiction there must next be an examination of reasons for the response. To all of you responders who claim that internet porn is helping you, welcome to the world of denial. I’ve heard, and yes, used many of those exact excuses in the past. To all of you responders who are scared, please don’t be, trust me when I say knowledge is power. An addiction is only controlling when it is a secret. When it is not a secret anymore, and your wife or husband knows, that is when the healing begins.

Check out this website: http://www.sexaa.org/

This website is the interent home for Sex Addicts Anonymous, it is a twelve step program based on the Alcoholics Anonymous program. It can help if you want it to.

God Bless

Porn is a way to for men and women to stimulate sex drive! Its fantasy, pure and simple, and we (men) use it as a substitute for the sex we’re not getting at home! If you (women) put out more we wouldn’t need porn. Loosen up girls and don’t be afraid to make the first move when it comes to asking for sex, we (men) are sometimes not on your frequency when you send those suttle signals! Take a page from Samantha on SATC! Have some balls and walk up and say, Hey, are you “up” for a little fun tonight! I guarentee you we will be accomodating! Many men are afraid of initiating contact because we’ve been conditioned to “respect” your bounderies, in the office, in the bar, on the street, don’t hit on women cause you’ll get sued! So the balls in your court ladies, run with it! The funny thing is you (women) will never be rejected and demoralized by a man when you are seeking sex, but you do it to us (men) all the time. Don’t condemn us for our porn, you (women) created the situation when you use sex as a tool for controlling us (men) now you’re whining about it.

What a bunch of malarkey this article is. Obviously written by someone who was dumped and is looking for a reason why. Try, “you’re a psycho” on for size. This is the exact kind of tripe that makes wives (or husbands) neurotic about where their partner is when he or she may have a perfectly legitimate reason to be acting that way. A lot of your “signs” sound an awful lot like signs of depression, such as the withdrawing from friends and family, lack of social interactions and not being sexually interested. Before “playing” doctor, perhaps you should attend a medical school and earn a degree. Un substantiated and unvalidated “help” is like a turd in a punchbowl…useless.

I think some people are missing the point here. Porn by itself probably isn’t a bad thing. But like myself who has been “addicted” for the past 11 years, the porn takes the place of the spouse. The problem gets bigger as time goes on. Yeah it starts off easy enough, Playboy perhaps. Then you are falling asleep look at the Playboy, you need more, somthing different. So you go to Penthouse, but after a while this doesn’t feed the need. Before you know it you are trying to watch videos on the intenet and DVD’s. If you are married you are hidding this from your spouse by now, if she has caught you by now you have lied about it more than once. Well this will go on for a while, but pics and movies are no longer any good, there is not enough stimulation. So you find “live” websites and you can talk to the girls and they will do what ever as long as you pay…
So now you have to make sure that your credit card statements go to work, or a PO Box.
Then before you know it you are looking at online dating sites because now you need the things that your spouse wont do, your fantasy has to come to life. Porn is now part of your being, you need to feed it becuase if you don’t you feel like your gonna die, you can’t breath.

Don’t tell me these feelings I have had for 11 - 12 years aren’t real, they are made up. Ask a coke addict and see what they feel. Ask them how it feels to one day just stop doing coke.
Don’t tell me this is fake or just an excuse, if you didn’t walk in my shoes you wont understand and you never will. Hopefully you will never have too.

Lang-Just because YOU have an addictive personality doesn’t mean someone can’t look at it and laugh and think it’s completely ridiculous. You want to know what else has contributed to heinous crimes like murder, rape and child molestation??? A lagging economy, someone getting fired from a job, someone losing a loved one, I can go on for days. Should we outlaw those things also?

Don’t put YOUR problems on me man. A majority of the rest of the world is not you and some of us homosapiens can actually keep control of our caveman instincts.

I think the symptoms described in the first paragraph could be simply attributed to being female.

heres a better list of signs that your partner views porn.

1) hes male

2) hes not gay

Thats it.

Wow michael that was a very “manly” response. Just what you can expect from addicts who can’t admit that they are. Like most of the male comments here.

Give me a break, this story had little or no merit, its intent was salacious.

I live in a sexless marriage. I have not had sex with my wife for over two years. I have had sex only a dozen times in this century. My wife is bi-polar and an alcoholic with zero sex drive. Our lack of intimacy is driven by her condition and my resentment.

Pornography while a poor substitute is the only way that I can stay in a sexless marriage for her sake and the sake of our children.

This is a much deeper story than this drive by tripe. If you want to cover the issue at least do it justice.

That’s a capitol I not an L michael. I simply stated a fact. Your anger proves the point.

i am a 31 year old woman who married at 18 and has lived with porn in my marriage going on 7 years now. its real and its real hard. we struggle less now but i feel its because i’ve chose to look the other way. this sickness has rocked the very core of who i am as a woman and what we are as a couple. for people on here who say it isn’t an addiction they are either not addicted, haven’t lived with an addict or are in denial.

What? the writer of this article said “They assume their partner understands that using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair”. Is this woman insane? If you are with someone who has this attitude, show her the door because she’s not worth your time. It never surprises me to see a woman having this hypocritical attitude. They use their sex toys to fantasize about other guys while they are married or in a relationship (how convenient). Guys use porn to stimulate their minds the same way (stop with the nonsense about cheating). I’m so tired of these insecure women trying to bash guys and tell them how porn (other than play boy) is cheating. If the guy you are with is an addict, it’s time to question what you haven’t done in the relationship? May be he’s had enough with your nagging attitude. Or he’s bored with the way you look or behave. Stop blaming the guy and ask yourself what you can do. Get your act together!

This writer is such a loser and a coward trying to play the victim card. I have no sympathy for people who have a double standard. Hypocrite!