Think about the past in order to put it behind you.

We are told not to dwell on the past.  Looking back is seen as a sign of weakness, while forging ahead is seen as a sign of strength.

We at Living the Truth disagree.  We see tremendous value in examining what we have lived through—the roots of the emotional and behavioral patterns that have set the stage for our successes or failures. We know we must understand the events and relationships that make up our life histories or we will either repeat painful dynamics from the past or needlessly waste energy as we blindly flee from them.

In Step Four we applied ourselves to connecting the dots between the past and present. In Step Five, we made a pledge to allow ourselves to feel the emotions associated with our past life experiences—especially the difficult, complicated, painful ones. We do so knowing that we have a responsibility to choose insight and authenticity over a life of denial. We can live unconsciously and let tired, recycled patterns keep us in orbits defined by fear.  Or, we can live consciously, and accept these feelings as clues to who we are and what we can be.
 
 Let’s say that when you began this work, you knew that you were unfulfilled in your job. You might have written the statement:  Instead of blindly climbing the corporate ladder, I am going to examine why I don’t believe I deserve to pursue my dreams.  You resisted having the couple of after-work cocktails that used to transform memories of another disappointing day into a vaguely pleasant haze.  By spending sober time alone with your thoughts, you discovered you were deeply affected by your parents’ divorce, and ultimately uncovered your mother gave up going to law school to become a secretary so she could support you.  Further exploration yielded up more truth: Your mother was angry about this and tried to hide it from you, but it came through in her temper, especially when you failed at anything, or suggested you’d lost interest in something. The essential message you received growing up – one that still reverberates through your life – was this: Keep achieving, don’t get distracted, or you will not get love.

 This insight is real buried treasure.  You’ve unearthed it.  Now it is time to unlock it. In order to keep the past from running your present life you have to go back and let yourself feel what it felt like to be the kid living through this dynamic.  Remember what it was like when you were 11, and your mother lost her temper about your average grades in math, and placed the blame on you for wasting time playing guitar or acting in school plays?  If you felt scared, remember the fear; if you felt lazy, remember how shameful that felt; and if your mother’s anger made you angry, feel that as well. Let yourself be sad and mad that your childhood didn’t give you what you needed.

 There is nothing wrong with acknowledging loss, or accepting that someone you loved disappointed you.  These actions won’t make you get lost in the past. They are a way of putting these feelings where they belong—back in the part of your life story in which they unfolded, not free to contaminate your present reality or limit your horizons. When you remember and feel what it was like to be four years old, or 10 years old, you’re freeing yourself to move beyond those memories and feelings.  You are making a conscious decision to place the drama of this dynamic behind you.

Patterns from our past hold us in very powerful orbits, and these orbits can only be disrupted by our will to open our minds and our hearts to what we have lived through. This determination to stop living defensively, avoiding our life histories, allows us to exit the dramas of our past, and make healthy decisions that give us back our free will and ability to choose the path that will make us most authentic and powerful.

 Before Living the Truth, your past was like loose paperwork you couldn’t seem to complete or find the right place for. When it got in your way, you just stuffed it into a different drawer. In Step Four, we started to take those pages out and look at them.  Step Five is about taking these pages and reading them carefully so you can put them in order, and bind them into their proper place in your life story. And by binding these pages, we accept they are completed - and we can’t change them.  We can learn from them and write new chapters, true to ourselves. 

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com.

Dear Dr. Y,
I am so self-conscious about my body that I can’t get out of my head enough during sex to orgasm.  I worry about what my partner might be thinking about - all of the imperfections and squishy parts - instead of about my pleasure. What do I do about this head game?
Leslie

Dear Leslie,
Socialization and habit dictate the positive and negative response you’re having to your own body. Undoing these notions can be a challenge, but yoga, therapy, massage and other naturopathic/holistic exercises and treatments can be excellent tools for getting comfortable in your skin and accepting yourself as a beautiful living specimen.

 You can also take on this head game by standing in front of the mirror after your next shower. Take a deep breath as you look at each body part as objectively as possible. Watch for programmed responses and move past them by letting go of them. Acknowledge and accept each part of your whole without judging. Labels are so harsh, and can impede your ability to realize that, for example, a potbelly is just a belly - not good or bad, merely a belly. 

 If you still feel terribly self-conscious post-body and soul work, a trainer might be able to help you design an exercise program to trim down, bulk up or change your overall appearance. But make sure you do it for you – to feel better about your figure. Learning to love your self in is a vital part of a fulfilled life, not limited to the realm of sexual satisfaction. Self-love is the cornerstone to being fully capable of loving anyone else.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Cellulite is a body condition that affects more than 90% of women.  All women have cellulite to some degree – even those who think they do not.  Men, however, do not have cellulite.  It is a secondary sexual characteristic of women which is why men aren’t physically affected by it.

While so many women are plagued by cellulite, they no longer have to live with it.  Today, there are multiple ground-breaking solutions.  Some of the more advanced treatments include new combinations of lasers, radiofrequency, light sources, suction and massage such as SmoothShape®, VelaShape™, Triactive™ and Accent™.  These four technologies use light and radiofrequency in conjunction with suction massage to melt and dissolve fat cells related to cellulite. Not only do each of these treatment methods smooth skin associated with the dimpling deformities of cellulite, but also they tighten the skin.   This proves most effective because it restores fat cells back in their “normal location” or fatty compartments.  We have learned that the appearance of cellulite is due to movement of fat cells from the fatty layer to an abnormal position in the dermis, the second layer of skin. 

To combat cellulite using solutions beyond lasers, there are also new topical agents that are being explored in Europe and South America.  These agents contain retinoic acids similar to vitamin A, which also have been shown to be helpful in smoothing out the irregularities associated with cellulite.  There are also new minimally-invasive surgical techniques that have recently been introduced to treat cellulite.  These include subscision where a needle is inserted into the cellulite dimples, performed under local anesthesia, to remove the thickened bands related to trapped cellulite cells in the dermis.  The results are very effective in deeper cellulite dimples.

Recent reports demonstrate another option in the war against cellulite.   A combination of internally placed laser fibers similar to SmartLipo™ performed in conjunction with new generation fillers like poly-L-lactic acid or Sculptra, have been effective in more severe advanced grades of cellulite.   Finally, on the horizon are the new mesotherapy techniques where combinations of injectable biologic agents are injected directly into the cellulite dimples.  Investigative trials are now taking place in the United States to prove the efficacy of this technique, which long ago gained popularity in both South America and Europe.  Mesotherapy is not an FDA approved cellulite technique but has shown promise in initial treatment trials.

In summary, while cellulite affects women regardless of weight or size - new treatment options have led to great promise in this arena.  New topical preparations are being investigated, along with the introduction of multiple light sources, radiofrequency sources and laser technologies.  Also, new minimally-invasive surgical techniques now give great promise to cellulite treatment which until recently has been a therapeutic dilemma.  

Dr. Neil Sadick is one of the most renowned dermatologists and researchers whose multiple discoveries have strongly influenced and transformed the future of dermatology. He is a Professor of Dermatology at Weill Cornell Medical College and President of the Cosmetic Surgery Foundation. Dr. Sadick is author, or co-author, of more than 500 articles in peer-reviewed scientific journals and has contributed more than 75 chapters of medical books. Read more at www.sadickdermatology.com

Q: Will keeping a food journal really help me in my efforts to lose weight?

A: This is such a common question because people tend to get lazy with writing down everything they eat.  I have to say though, without a doubt, the answer is yes.

In a recent study published in the Journal of Nutrition, researchers found that those who kept food records six days a week — jotting down everything they ate and drank on those days — lost about twice as much weight as those who kept food records one day a week or less.

When keeping a food diary, you should aim to write down everything that you eat, whether it’s a whole meal or a bite of a cookie.  Accountability and honesty are the most important steps to losing weight and keeping it off.  Be honest to yourself about what you eat because every bit counts.  You may start to realize that handful of M & M’s you pick up every time you pass by your co-workers desk.  A lot of the eating we do is subconscious but at the end of the day it all adds up.  Only an extra 100 calories every day can lead to a 10 pound weight gain at the end of the year.  
 
Additionally, when you review a diary, you can often point out problematic cues, triggers and habits that may be contributing to weight gain.  For example, some people may notice they are skipping meals or eating most of their calories at night.  Although keeping a food journal can be hard and time consuming I definitely recommend it.  You become more aware of what you eat and can catch yourself the next time around.

To start keeping a food journal of your own, follow these tips:

• Write throughout the day.  Don’t wait until the end of the day to record what you ate and drank because you will be more likely to forget certain foods by then.
• Focus on portion sizes.  Use measuring cups and/or food scales at home to become more wary of correct portion sizes, especially when dining out.
• Use whatever type of food diary works for you.  It doesn’t matter whether you use an actual journal, email, or your blackberry.
• Don’t skip your indulgent days.  Record even those days when you overeat because it holds you accountable for the good days as well as the bad!
• Eat at home.  By preparing your own meals you’ll have more control over what you consume and what ingredients you put in to make it.  You’ll also save yourself a few hundred calories, helping speed up your weight loss.  

Tanya Zuckerbrot, MS, RD is a nutritionist and the creator of The F-Factor Diet™, an innovative nutritional program she has used for more than ten years to provide hundreds of her clients with all the tools they need to achieve easy weight loss and maintenance, improved health and well-being.  For more information log onto www.FFactorDiet.com.

According to the latest Gallup Poll, Barack Obama’s selection of Joe Biden as his pick for vice president hasn’t yielded the bounce most candidates enjoy after announcing their running mates.  In fact, the poll shows the opposite:  McCain has erased Obama’s lead and is now ahead, 46 percent to 44 percent. 

Psychologically, the drama of a candidate for president teaming up with another leader to do battle in the last months of the election should provide a burst of enthusiasm among voters, however short-lived.  The Democratic National Convention, playing like rock music in the background, should add plenty of fuel to carry more people into the next chapter of the Obama-Biden story.

Engagements and weddings and political conventions are times for unbridled optimism.  The audience, which includes the American public in this case, is predisposed to believe that human beings joining together can be much more than any single person could ever be alone, that the glistening start of a partnership predicts sure success. 

But something is wrong, and I think I know what it is.  The Barack Obama story itself is the stuff of big, big dreams.  We’ve watched a first-term U.S. Senator capture the imagination of the nation with eloquence unparalleled in recent times, harking back to the kind of excitement John F. Kennedy generated.  We’ve watched him defy the odds again and again, to stand at the zenith of the Democratic Party.  He has stood, in fact, somehow above and beyond traditional politics, a larger than life figure, a phenomenon.  Those who embrace him hope for—maybe even expect—miracles from him.

So it should come as no surprise that selecting a respected, tested running mate like Joe Biden would slow Obama’s momentum a bit.  While the choice may reassure voters that a steady hand with vast experience will be helping chart a course through increasingly stormy economic and political seas, it also reminds us that Obama is himself a politician facing momentous challenges.  Joining hands with a longtime U.S. Senator anchors Obama, and voters, to reality.  It brings Obama back down to earth.  It makes him seem human, where he once seemed superhuman.

Only one pick would have taken Obama further beyond the normal gravity of the political universe:  Hillary Clinton.  In inviting his former rival onto the ticket, in trying to help bring the first female vice president into the White House, he would have been reaffirming the notion that he cannot be defined or limited by tradition or expectation.  He would have been saying that he could achieve anything.

Hillary Clinton joining hands with Obama was the chapter that many Americans had already written into their collective imaginations, and those imaginary pages had much more energy than the real ones we’re reading about Obama and Biden.

As we wind our way toward November, Obama has come face-to-face with this reality:  America’s expectations of a phenomenon are quite different than its expectations of a candidate.  They are limitless.  And they require constant feeding. 

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com.

Summer allergies and oral allergy syndrome

If you are one of the thirty million people suffering from summertime seasonal allergies, it is important to know about pollen-food syndrome, also known as oral allergy syndrome (OAS), caused by allergens such as ragweed pollen. 

Each year, grass pollens and weeds cause seasonal suffering and ragweed begins to bloom around early August in many areas of the U.S.  In the warmer climates weed pollens may be seen during much of the year.

Itchiness of the mouth and throat immediately after eating fresh fruits or vegetables are common symptoms of OAS. Oral allergy syndrome results from a cross-reaction between allergy antibodies directed towards pollens with similar proteins that are found in foods in about one-third of seasonal allergy sufferers.  Individuals with ragweed allergies might experience these symptoms when consuming foods such as:

• Banana
• Cucumber
• Melon
• Zucchini
• Sunflower seeds
• Chamomile tea
• Echinacea

Grass pollen allergic individuals might experience symptoms when ingesting

• fig
• melons
• tomatoes
• oranges
• Mugwort (weed pollen) allergic sufferers may suffer after eating:
• carrots
• celery
• coriander
• fennel
• parsley
• peppers

Generally, cooking or microwaving the food will eliminate a reaction, but not always.  Less commonly it is possible for the OAS to induce mouth and throat swelling if you are allergic to various foods. 

For additional information from the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology at http://www.aaaai.org/media/news_releases/2006/08/080206.stm

Dr. Clifford W. Bassett is an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the Long Island College Hospital and on the faculty of NYU School of Medicine.  He is the current vice chair for public education committee of the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology.  No information in this blog is intended as medical advice to any reader or intended to diagnose or treat any medical condition.

Dear Dr. Yvonne,
I’m being set up on a blind date with a very attractive man and I want to be one of those women who “owns” the room when she walks in. Any suggestions?  -Sylvia

Dear Sylvia,
When meeting your date for the first time, go for the grand entrance. Pause at the doorway, holding your head high, shoulders back, and scan the room. When you find your date, hold his/her gaze for a few seconds before making your way over.

If you haven’t found your date, make eye contact with people close to you as you venture farther into the joint. If people aren’t responsive, shift your gaze as though you’re smiling at someone close to them. Have a slight smile on your lips the whole time as you make your way through the center of the room. More than anything, appearing confident and at ease helps anyone to own the room.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Brain aneurysms have been in the news this past week. First there was the unfortunate sudden death of Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones (D-Ohio) from a ruptured brain aneurysm at age 58. And now with the nomination for vice president of Senator Joseph Biden (D-Delaware), the public has been reminded of his fortunate survival following the surgical clipping of two brain aneurysms back in 1988.

Aneurysms in the news present an opportunity for educating the public about these scary blood vessel bulgings in the brain.

Biden reportedly had two aneurysms, one on each side of his brain, and they were discovered when he suffered pain in his neck.

A neurological work-up revealed the aneurysms, one of which had leaked slightly. The tiniest amount of blood mixing with the brain’s cerebrospinal fluid (the fluid which surrounds and cushions the brain) can be painful. Pain was an alert to Biden, and in 1988, he had the aneurysms surgically clipped before they could rupture.

Tubbs Jones wasn’t nearly as fortunate, and she was found slumped over the wheel of her car, already in a coma, and was soon dead.

 Biden’s neckache was due to a “sentinel leak,” which can be compared to a slow leak of air from a tire in an area where the wall is thinning. Whereas Jones’ aneurysm reportedly burst, like a tire blowing out.

High blood pressure, smoking, and drug use, particularly cocaine can all contribute to the formation (and rupture) of aneurysms. Family history of aneurysms, congenital abnormalities in the wall of the artery, or other related medical conditions such as polycystic ovaries can all play a role in causing aneurysms.

 About 6 million people in the United States have a brain aneurysm. The yearly rate of rupture is about 1 in 10,000 people. Almost half will die as a result of the rupture, and more than half who recover will have significant disability (symptoms of a stroke).

 Aneurysms are most common in middle age, and women are affected more often than men. Aneurysms tend to occur at branch points of the arteries, and are much more common at the front of the brain.

Below are some frequently asked questions regarding brain aneursyms:

Q:   Should I be checked for a brain aneurysm?

A: The incidence in the general population is not sufficient to recommend routine screening, but a MRI of the brain might be considered for a family history or multiple risk factors.

Q: What symptoms should I look for?

A: New onset Headache, neckache, nausea, and blurry vision can all be signs of impending bleed from an aneurysm. These symptoms are reasons to see your physician quickly.

Q: What is the treatment for a brain aneurysm?

A: Since the 1980s, many aneurysms are treated with the insertion through a micro-catheter of tiny platinum coils. These coils are useful to block the flow of blood to the aneurysm, which causes it to shrink.

Dr. Marc Siegel is an internist and associate professor of medicine at the NYU School of Medicine. He is a FOX News Medical Contributor and writes a health column for LA Times, where he examines TV and movies for medical accuracy. Dr. Siegel is the author of “False Alarm: the Truth About the Epidemic of Fear” and “Bird Flu: Everything You Need to Know About the Next Pandemic”. Read more at www.doctorsiegel.com

Everyone’s mom seems to have a recipe for meatloaf.  But when a typical serving has around 500 calories and 35 grams of fat, I decided it was time for me to come up with a healthier version of this comfort food to serve my kids. My meatloaf is so moist  - and no one notices it is made from lean ground beef.  And by making this substitution you save about 200 calories and 15 grams of fat.   I think my mom would approve!

Ingredients:
• 2 pounds lean ground beef
• ¾ cup quick oats
• 1 egg
• 2/3 cup tomato juice
• 1 small onion, chopped
• ½ tsp pepper
• 1 tsp salt

Sauce:
• 1/3 cup ketchup
• 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tbsp brown sugar

1. Preheat oven to 350 F
2. Mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl; shape into a loaf. Place into a 9” x 5” x 3” pan.
3. Mix sauce ingredients together and set aside.
4. Bake the meat loaf for 45 minutes. Remove from oven and pour sauce evenly over the top. Return the meat loaf to the oven and continue to cook for another 30 minutes.

Serves 8

Nutritional Contents
Per Serving:   319 calories, 11 g carbohydrates, 1 g fiber, 23 g protein, 20 g total fat, 8 g sat fat, 581 mg sodium

Tanya Zuckerbrot, MS, RD is a nutritionist and the creator of The F-Factor Diet™, an innovative nutritional program she has used for more than ten years to provide hundreds of her clients with all the tools they need to achieve easy weight loss and maintenance, improved health and well-being.  For more information log onto www.FFactorDiet.com.

Find and feel the connections between negative experiences THEN and problems NOW.

You’ve identified your problem and accepted the fact that its roots are in the past. You’re also in the process of abandoning your shield strategies to make yourself emotionally available to buried feelings.

 Step Four is about taking these feelings and putting them to work by connecting the dots: You’re ready to make those crucial connections between what’s troubling you in your life now, and what went on in the past.

If you were a building had foundation damage, Step Four is the part where the experts come in and assess what went wrong during construction. In this case, you are the expert, and your credentials are your unique access to memories about the past, the feelings that come up when you consider them, and your sense of what in your life today might be a result of these feelings remaining unexamined and unresolved.

Here it may be useful to go back to the statement you wrote in Step One. Read it to yourself. When you considered this problem before, you probably felt angry, or frustrated, or tried to think of a way to fix the problem as soon as possible. This time, try looking at the problem with curiosity. Ask yourself, why is it that I have this problem. What is it in my past – either an event, or a long-term interpersonal drama– that reminds me of how this problem looks or feels?

It might seem obvious to you: I was overweight when I was younger and teased about it, and I run from physical intimacy now. But if it is not obvious, remember our minds do not always work in linear fashion. We can imitate and repeat old behaviors, but we can also make our lives all about fleeing from them.

Take, for example, a woman who loses her older brother as a child. Later in life she finds that she will tolerate almost anything from her friends and lovers. She would rather be misunderstood or unhappy or even mistreated than risk losing people she loves. But an opposite overreaction is also possible: Another women who suffers a similar loss may have few friends and no real intimate relationship. She is so unwilling to face the risk of being abandoned that she opts to live in isolation.

Another example of running from the past might be this:Consider a man who grew up in a family in which his father lost all his money in a bad business deal. As an adult, this man clings to money. He cares only for wealth, believes financial security is the only security, and ignores any relationship that doesn’t contribute to his bottom line.

Now, think about another man with very similar life story issues who believes himself incapable of financial responsibility and won’t involve himself with money at all.

Whether you’re running away from what you experienced early in life or whether you’re running toward it, the fact that you’re running means you’re not in control. You can’t live in the present moment powerfully or plan your most powerful future.

Step Four is about waking up to the connections between then and now, in order to take ourselves off of autopilot.

As much as we can, we want to notice our feelings of sadness, anger or frustration (and of joy and freedom as well) and remember other times when we felt this way and why. We want to start putting details from the past—people places and things—together with these feelings so that we can start to tell a story—the story of how our past experiences continue to influence our choices and dreams.

What earlier trouble in your life are you replaying or running away from?
Go to friends, family, or anyone you think might be helpful in your quest to learn the truth. People are natural storytellers, and if you let them know that you are searching for clues to what happened in your past and how it influences your present life, they may share valuable insights.

Once you open yourself up to the fact that the past influences the present, you will find clues almost everywhere you turn that will link the two in your own life.

Memories will surface. Welcome them.

Because your story, both now and then, matters.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com.