Dear Yvonne,
How can a guy tell if he’s just crushing on a well-performing co-worker versus really liking her because the other company at work is pretty lousy?
-Allen

Dear Allen, 
What makes this a tough issue is that a man has to sort through if he really likes the woman or if he really likes that she’s his co-worker. When she performs well in the workplace, it can only make him wonder how she’ll perform in the sack. And if she’s dependable, good at what she does, and great company, a man will naturally have some affection for her. Most of us like people with such qualities. Furthermore, as we get to know somebody and find out that we have a lot in common, we tend to like them more – and when you share the same workplace, you share a lot of the same experiences, which further fosters bonding.

Many people find their mate through work because it involves access to others and requires spending a great deal of time together – basically plenty of opportunity. In keeping himself in check, a man has to evaluate if he’s daydreaming about a co-worker on his own free time (versus simply looking forward to seeing her as he’s en route to the office), if he’s making excuses to work with her, for example wanting to stay late to get a project done, or simply spending time with her because she’s his favorite co-worker. One thing he can ask himself is how he’s reacting to women outside of the workplace. If he finds others more interesting, then it’s likely that he’s not crushing on his co-worker as much as he thinks. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”