Sexpert Q & A: Condom Conundrum
Dear Yvonne,
I have a question regarding an “issue” and I want to know if you can give me some advice. I am having trouble staying fully erect after I put a condom on. What are the reasons this keeps happening? I have tried different types of condoms and it still hasn’t worked.
– Jeb
Dear Jeb,
Many men have found themselves in your shoes. And while condoms can significantly reduce tactile stimulation, they’re often not the sole problem at hand. This reaction is usually a symptom of one. An erection can topple for physical reasons, for example, a change in rhythm and stimulation being ceased, to more psychological/emotional ones, like a male’s fear, guilt, stress, or anxiety over staying hard. The quality of the relationship and the couple’s experience together can also play into a man staying hard since comfortability is key in putting on a good show.
In solving your dilemma, first, raise the requirement for more friction-focused pleasure and make sure that your partner is still touching you and trying to turn you on with touches and kisses as the condom is going on. This could be especially effective as your lover actually puts the condom on you, for example, orally. Furthermore, flesh on flesh makes for a more ready stimulus, so take care to utilize the non-exposed hot zones to heighten your sensual pleasure.
Second, while you’ve experimented with different types of condoms, try using different sizes. A condom that is too small, for example, can result in blood flow issues and some discomfort, so be sure to use a size appropriate rubber on your member.
Third, practice condom use while masturbating, as this can help you to feel more confident when you’re in the actual situation. Lastly, don’t be afraid to step away from having sex itself and simply reconnecting with your partner. Taking the focus off of sex can help you to feel more relaxed, taking pressure off of any need to stay up.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”
Tags: condoms, erect, sex, sexpert, yvonne fulbright
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Or, possibly, consider why you’re in a relationship where condom use is necessary. Keep in mind that the NIH didn’t find any evidence that condoms impede the transmission of only one of 28 STDs, AIDS. If one is trusting a condom for any other STD, one is deliberately exposing one’s self to those STDs.
Condoms are a Communist plot and sinful.
Women-do not be afraid of Scorpio men-we only have nasty tempers when we don’t get what we want.
Yvonne, have you ever been to the Kinsey Sex Research Institute at Indiana Univ?
In a reply to Bike Bubba
The most recent study I found was a NIH study from 2000 where they were testing the effectiveness against 8 STD’s. Yes it states that it is effective for HIV, as well as for gonorrhea (in men). It stated it was not that effective on things that are transmitted from skin to skin contact where sores are in the general area. (logical, if the condom isn’t covering the sore, it won’t prevent transmission). Just about everything else said there was not enough evidence to be conclusive.
Just because the study was not conclusive, does not mean condoms are not effective. Besides, other than not having sex, what is your other option, not using a condom? How effective is that?
And finally, this was not a column on effectiveness of condoms against STD’s. It was a column in response to a guy who was looking for help on condom use. Maybe he and his partner just want to use condoms as a form of contraception.
Please stay on topic.
Maybe the woman is not using birth control and the condom use has no relation to STD transmission . This could be a long term monogamous relationship! ! !
Or, possibly, consider why you’re in a relationship where condom use is necessary. Keep in mind that the NIH didn’t find any evidence that condoms impede the transmission of only one of 28 STDs, AIDS. If one is trusting a condom for any other STD, one is deliberately exposing one’s self to those STDs.
To Bike Bubba. . .
Maybe the woman is not using birth control and the condom use has no relation to STD transmission . This could be a long term monogamous relationship! ! !
Because not everyone can rely on prescriptions for birth control, and not everyone can afford those prescriptions.
But hey, don’t let anything get in the way of your self righteousness.
Actually, the NIH study was pretty conclusive. One might theoretically find a statistically significant reduction in the rate of genhorrea (the original study, ahem, did NOT) if you got a much larger sample size, but reality is that the data collected demonstrated that condom use did not reduce disease transmission in a statistically significant manner for anything but AIDS. Significant infection rates were demonstrated by the NIH for ALL diseases tested by the way–the best possible outcome, really, is that users will get infected more slowly, not that they will not get infected.
Yes, it might also be for contraception (and condoms aren’t a terribly effective contraceptive, actually), but given the lie that has been taught–that using a condom makes sex “safe”–the first question that one ought to ask is “why do you need to use them?”
hi. thank you for taking the time to answer my question. i have a problem. everytime i need to urinate, i get horny. why is that? does this happen to every girl or just me. thank you.
I know from personal experience that if the condom is too small, and therefore too tight, it will kill your erection every time. Try a larger size and see if that doesn’t solve the problem. And it will be more pleasurable as well. With condoms, bigger IS better, so long as it doesn’t fall off!
seriously, people use condoms for more reasons than preventing STD’s. My girlfriend took a break from using the pill so I need to wear a condom because I don’t want a kid……maybe you are a religious freak that thinks you should only have sex to have a kid but the majority of people don’t think that way.
Very true! BC is not cheap! I have great insurance through my employer yet i am left with few options in regards to birth control. i can pay $20 a month CO-PAY for pills or i can pay $200 every 3 months for a shot. Unfortunately the pills make me sick… and although i have spoken to my BF about us using condoms he is ENTIRELY against it, his argument being that he too (much like the gentleman mentioned above) becomes sexually unresponsive while wearing a condom.
So I guess its going to cost me… at minimum… $800 a year to have sex : /
My wife and I used condoms for a very long time when we were not trying to have a child. Birth control pills nearly killed her. And not everyone wants to pop out a kid every time they want to be intimate. I seriously doubt that is “God’s Will” either. What a joke.
Women should suck them off and you wouldn’t have to worry about condoms.
To Sandra:
If your BF is so against an alternative form of contraception, then maybe he should pitch in on the cost of your BC since it is to his benefit and pleasure as well.