Sexpert Q & A: Longing to Be On Top
Dear Yvonne,
I am a 35-year-old woman. When I was a teenager, I had gotten on top of my boyfriend during sex and was told I was a maniac. Twenty years later and I still won’t get on top. It has been so long now that I don’t know how to get past it in my head. I now want to perform, but my brain will not allow me to feel comfortable. What can I do? I’m dying to get on top and climax!!
– Lizzie
Dear Lizzie,
You should get on top!! Don’t let some comment from a bonehead teen boy deter you from realizing your pleasure potential! Chances are, he meant it as a compliment. Being a maniac in bed is usually construed as a good thing from the male perspective. It means that you’re active, into the moment, enjoying yourself, letting go of your inhibitions and ‘going crazy!’ Wild abandon is a good bedroom addition from time to time, so leave your fears at the door, and saddle up!
Believe it or not, woman-on-top is one of the best positions for ladies. Female dominant sex puts us in charge of our pleasuring, ups the chances of orgasm(s), and makes us the star of the show. Many partners love seeing their lover riding high, and this position results in mutual climax more than any other. Sure, it can be intimidating to get on top, but don’t allow yourself to miss out on another minute of hot girl in charge sex play!
Just be sure to let your partner know how you feel, and ask for your lover’s encouragement and support during your ride. A good lover will be there for you, letting you know that everything is great, everything feels good, and you are all s/he’ll need when you’re in that position. I’m quite certain your high school sweetheart is probably, to this day, drooling over the thought of his hot little temptress, not cowering in disdain. So, get on top – you owe it to yourself!
Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”
Tags: 'on top' inhibitions, bedroom, climax, Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, male persepective, sex
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I think most men including myself would love to have amaniac woman on top
I really love my wife on top. Hell, I would love Yvonne on top of me right now!
Since it is critical to me to have a woman orgasm first, I like to have her on top. It is particularly good if she is good at it, i.e. moves in a rocking, sliding motion working the blazes out on clitoris. Also, her breasts will move sensuously up and down. She can drop them for tease or for real at my mouth, or I can hold them while she moving. Is this too graphic? Hope not!
From a male perspective, I think it is awesome when my wife is on top. This position takes a little bit of pressure off the male and usually allows us a little more visual stimulation. It is a huge turn-on.
My love has had 3 surgeries (shoulder/hip/achilles) in the last 2 years which, during his recoveries, have required that I take the top position during sex. We’ve found it is our preferred position, as we continue in this manner probably 3 out of 4 times even after he’s recovered enough to be on top if he choses. I hope Lizzie gets the nerve to try it at least once – my guess is after the first try she won’t have any trouble with the second. The enjoyments are numerous – the view is better from the top, it is easier to maintain eye contact with your lover, your lover’s hands are freed to roam, and of course it is great to be in control of your own orgasm (not to mention his). Be a maniac!
Absolutely!
Lizzie, as a man, I have to tell you this is my favorite position. My biggest concern is that I don’t want my partner to think I’m lazy and letting HER do all the work.
And that “maniac” comment was most definitely meant as a compliment.
“She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor
And she’s dancing like she never danced before”
That’s a GOOD thing, Lizzie!
Notice here how an early (first?) lover of this woman has scarred her for life. This letter ought to be required reading for those who would think that sex can somehow be “safe” if only a condom is used. This woman’s experience lets us know very clearly that it certainly wasn’t for her.
It also has a lot to do with Fulbright’s column this week; sleeping with someone on the first date is a great way not only to get STDs, but also to do a lot of psychological damage to yourself. There are reasons that all cultures have ways of figuring out whether a couple is “right” for one another before sending them to the marriage bed!
Well, I’m 6′3 and 270 pounds. I like to have a girl (my wife now) on top so I don’t have to worry about her thinking that I am going to crush or smother her. I really enjoy it when she sits up, so I can get a full body look at her while we’re having sex. Lizzie, just go for it.
Yes you had a narow minded lover who leaned about sex from his friends LOL. Its your bedroom do as you please. Have you disscused this with your hus/boyfriend guess what I’d bet he would be willing to let you do what ever you wanted. Being on top is a normal variation of sex. It would take a while for me to list my dare I say normal bedroom activities. But on the other hand I’ve blushed and said no to a few requests. But I’ve always wondered about one OH!!!!!! thats another story. Honey just go do it
Betty
I am jealous. My wife has bad knees and never wants to be on top. It seems she was a real animal in her college days and I got the broken left over’s. Its amazing all the stuff you hear after you are married (all the skeletons come out). Since all we do is the missionary position because she does not like it any other way. I am starting to lose interest.
My advice is to keep it fresh and new.
My rule is: If you can get on top, go for it. Sure, there are…. circumstances…. where you being on top might not be really feasible, Yvonne, but yes, go for it.
Guys are visual (we are, generally, I swear. I think it was Dr. Ruth who told me this. Love short women.) Why would we complain when you’re all up there for us to stare at?
And, to be honest, yeah, it doesn’t HURT we don’t have to do anything from time to time. Always loved waking up to my ex, and going “Oh, hey, having sex. Cool.”
Yvonne, I would like to add to your advice.
NOW, National Organization For Women is now pushing for legislation in some states that would require the woman be on top during sex.
Lizzie, there was nothing wrong with you being a maniac on top. Trust me … As Dr.Ivonne said it …you should go on top every time you want … think about you having the control of your own body’s pleasure and your couple’s satisfaction by going on top
Cow girl is the best of the best both facing each other and especially for me, the women facing away from me. It is a very good view and hey I am a visual kind of man!! Go for it girl!!!!
High Yvonne
The couple that lives next door to me decides who gets to be on top through a coin toss. The down side of this is that the woman sometimes gets so nervous before the coin toss that she acquires diarrhea and then neither gets to be on top. I’m not the only neighbor who knows this. The couple has told the entire community this. They are one brave couple.