Sexpert Q&A: Sex on Autopilot
Dear Yvonne,
Occasionally, my lover and I will have an entire hour or two for sex. We don’t feel like making love, though, we feel as if we’re on ‘autopilot.’ How can we keep things spicy and stay connected without feeling robotic or just going through the moves?
- Jude
Dear Jude,
What I’d recommend is taking a couples’ yoga class together as a form of foreplay. This provides a different way of becoming intimate and getting to know your partner’s body. Adjusting each other’s bodies, getting pressed together at times, and seeing each other in a new light, while helping your bodies to unwind and feel good, can heighten the desire to make love. Exercise is often considered an aphrodisiac.
If this can’t happen in an hour, you can practice your own yoga moves at home as a warm up to greater (spiritual) union. Such an interaction also helps to expand the idea of what sex is about and helps to make it an entire body experience instead of one with a “going through the moves” genital-focus.
Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”
Tags: aphrodisiacs, exercise, foreplay, sex, yoga
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Good advise. I can’t imagine anyone married for over 1 year or so who doesn’t need to find new ways of creating that connected passion usually only found in a new relationship.
Have you heard of the author, Yohi Khan? He hails from a provincial village in India. He wrote a book called, “A Hot Summer Night With Mother Teresa in Calcutta”. I feel it equals “Kama Sutra”.
He met her having a Big Mac in one of many Calcutta’s Macdonalds Restaurants. From there it was pure lust. The book was banned in Jakarta and Karachi. I strongly recommend it.
Yvonne, re: A hot summer night”. How dare me suggest a book without some highlights. In the book, Yohi describes skinny dipping with Mother Teresa in the Ganges. How Indira Ghandi snubbed the idea of a threesome. The real reason Tito tried to get Teresa to return to Yugoslavia. That Teresa smoked but only around him. How Teresa felt about Pope John. Teresa’s true feelings about fornication. The book will make your mouth hang open while reading.
Maybe the problem is it’s just a “lover” instead of a “wife” or “husband.”
Sometimes is surprises me, all the complaining I hear on sites like these about being bored! I have been married 16 1/2 year, having sex with my husband for 18 years and it gets better every day! We don’t dress up, or play games, or any thing like that. We don’t have to. Great sex comes from wanting to please the other person more than yourself and vise versa. When you get 2 people like that; sex is always amazing.
In society today we are to consumed with ourselves. Trust me, try it. If you start going out of your way to please your partner, they will eventually reciprocate!
Beth i couldn’t agree with you more!!! I have been married to my wife Pam for 30 years this year and we dated for 4 years starting in the 9th grade. Sex has never ever gotten boring and we don’t plan it we let it be spontaneous. The true key to a wonderful sex life is love and kindness. You must be willing to let your partner feel relaxed and open to new ideas. Make love on a picnic in a private place somewhere or just talk to each other intimately and show your love.
Yes. I agree yoga teaches the reciprocal aspect of sexuality. Plus it gets you fit so you feel better about yourself. Yoga can be a great way to increase your sex drive in general and at all ages because it increases production of hormones in your body. -John B. http://www.theashramyoga.com.