That lavishing attention bit is really bad advice. Attention and consideration are everything only as you establish yourself as someone she’s lucky to have. And then you have to read each other’s signals so you know when a little PDA is called for and when it’s time to go hang with the menfolk.

This scenario really let’s you know where you stand and if she’s not that into you, doting attention will just make you look like a weenie.

Just be yourself. If your girlfriend expects you to try to impress her friends by acting like someone you’re not then you should not be with her. If your girlfriend likes/loves you for who you are, then her friends should too. You shouldn’t be expected to try to be someone other than your true self.

I have recently met someone. The one thing he did that impressed my friends and me was he opened the doors for me and helped me get my coat on and off. Those were small actions that made an lasting impression on me.

My god, and you call yourself an expert in these matters?! I’m a couples counselor with years of experience. Melissa and Bill (the first two commenters) offer the sound advice here!

Yes, im having trouble getting that certain part of the under area hard, what do i do?

Brent: For starters, try not to be nervous (easier said than done). Remember, these are her friends…not family…and friends come and go 99% of the time. Be courteous, but don’t over-do it because it can give the impression to your woman and her friends that you are a pushover, and they may come to expect this from you everytime you go out together. Maybe for her family you can over-do it…a little bit, because if you end up being with this woman, you’ll have to deal with them regularly, and on a more personal level. Be yourself and you will be just fine. I agree with Bill though…this is an event that will let you know where you stand with your woman.

I agree with Melissa. Be yourself. I also generally disagree with Fullbright’s response. You don’t want to put anyone on a pedestal. No other person is better than you are and to do this can come across as looking “needy.” You also don’t need to spend a lot of money and other things she suggested. If you really love her and she you than that will be obvious to both and everyone else. If not, then perhaps it’s not then perhaps she’s not the right person for you or you for her.

This is too easy, just talk about her(I’m talking accomplishments, outlook, and her unselfish interest in others, not looks) more than anything else…especially yourself.

dont drink too much, and in fact if you drink, have less than her friends and she are having.

doting is fine, but there can be too much. let her have some space to be with her friends, or you could end up being perceived as clingy.

Nervous Guy:

You should *never* attempt ‘make a good impression’ on anyone other than
the girl or her family. Friends and acquaintances of your girlfriend regardless
of how close are not relevant.

If you are uncomfortable or nervous about expressing affection or conducting
yourself different in any way in front of her friends *and* you try and ‘force it’ you
will come across as clumsy, awkward, and artificial. Such efforts will
actually backfire. I do not see how gaining favor by doting on her is anything
but manipulative and fake.

I am a little curious about two things – 1) why you are nervous, and 2) why
someone is NOT with family on the one big holiday family should be priority
one.

Your nervousness probably indicates that this girl is new to you and you are
still getting to know *her*. All the more reason to take it easy and not
upset the apple cart.

Be yourself, relax, and be polite and respectful to your date. In the 20 years
on the dating ‘battleground’ I spent before finally marrying in 2004, not once
did my opinion on someone else’s boyfriend bear any relevance to her or
the success of their relationship.

Good luck,

Jerry Williamson
Colorado Springs, CO

be yourself. get real drunk, and dont be afraid to grope her friends as well. works for me

Bill up there is nuts. And, not surprisingly, a guy. Listen to a woman when you want to know how to impress a woman. Listen to a man when you want to impress men.

Your affection towards your girl will make her feel secure in your relationship. Public affection reinforces this. If she feels loved and secure, her friends will be happy with you too. Its just how women work.

As for “going to hang with the menfolk”, yes, go hang with her and leave her on her own if you want her to assume her and her friends are boring you. Women can be insecure on this, and don’t forget, you are there for HER.

I read these comments with amazement and laughter. Yep, you should not do anything different, including being affectionate (appropriately) or holding the door. If that isn’t you 24/7, then good luck to both of you. And about those concerns about him hanging with the guys (after you have made nice with the GF’s), you’ve gotta ask the question: Is she looking for another girlfriend or for a man? The answer isn’t always obvious.

One word of advice: Watch how she responds to you, buddy. Is she helping you to fit in? Is she affectionate with you and “selling” you to her friends? How much influence do her girlfriends really have? What is this circle of girlfriends really like? My point is one of balance here because no, it isn’t just about her. Do you want to have to deal with this crowd long term?

Yvonne, you need serious help. Your advice suggests that her friends should be deceived and/or bought! Other than bringing flowers (or wine or something else a good guest should do), you go on to promote upping the ante on affection to invoke envy, buying dinner for the group or buying the others a couple of rounds of drinks. Do you actually have a license to practice?