Comments on: Sexpert Q&A: Tapping Into Your Inner Sex Goddess

By: Bernadette

Bernadette — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 08:09:37 +0000

Awesome blog….very useful resource…thanks for the post.
-Bernadette

By: Ronda

Ronda — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:20:31 +0000

Steffanie,
Honey the best I can tell you is this…
Every single person has “fantasies”. Not everyone acts upon them.
Some fantasies should be acted upon if they can be done without hurting others.
Some should not… plain and simple.
As a bi-sexual female I do not say this because of your lifestyle, but might I suggest if this desire has become “obsessive” perhaps counseling is in order.
Best of luck to you Steffanie.

By: Shay

Shay — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 07:16:13 +0000

I have the opposite problem. We’ve been married 13 years and of course after children you tend to fall into a rut especially now since they are older and it’s harder to “fool them.” Our house is very small so privacy is obsolete.
I am very sexual and don’t have much of a problem letting myself go but he is a very laid back, shy and passive personality so I don’t get too much “letting go” from him. I’ve communicated this to him MANY, MANY times how I would love for him to tell me his fantasies, do things to me, talk to me, etc. I’m a take charge type of personality in life but there are sometimes where I would like to be taken charge of and not the other way around.
I envy the thought of a man dominating me in a desirable way, even rough and passionate but I rarely get that from my husband. He’s loosened up a little bit more over the past year some. It’s just that I know how everything is going to play out in the bedroom even before it happens.
Yes, I’m sure that I need to do some things too on my part. After children your body isn’t what it used to be so you can help but feel a little self conscious on that part. Not that I’m *fat* but the tummy area could use a tuck here and there-LOL
I would like to know how men perceive their wives’ bodies after children when it’s not what it used to be? Do you find your wife unattractive in all honesty but still love her or do you look at it as “this is the body that gave me our beautiful children.” type of mindset and not care?

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 16:37:41 +0000

Well… some of those comments are totally off-base and out on other subjects.

What bothers me about this question is the way it’s phrased. The OP states her boyfriend wants her to be… not that she wants to be. No one addressed that. This woman might be “sexual enough” for the sake of argument. Did it occur to anyone they might just have varied sex drives? Varied ways of expressing their sexuality? It’s not necessarily something the OP is doing “wrong,” and I think most of the answers skipped over the fact she never once mentions SHE wants to change.

Changing for the sake of someone else, no matter how much you love them, doesn’t work. Changing for your own sake, because you were inspired by something someone you love said or did, is a far more useful path.

By: Steffanie

Steffanie — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 05:12:54 +0000

Hello Ronda,

I first want to say Thank You for replying. I understand completely why you would have a problem. Let me just clarify some things. I want to say that I am not a cheater. Never have been. I can’t really explain why I am having these feelings. There is nothing wrong with our relationship at all. I love her very much. With all my heart. I will not do anything to hurt her, she is to special for me to do that. This is something that I am going through myself and confused a little of why. Why do I have these feelings? Why do I want to be with someone not in relationship wise, but more physical? This is something that I can’t talk to her about because its more of a me problem. I need to work this out on my own. That is why I am thankful for you that you replied because I just really need someone on the outside for some advice about this. It was never my intention to actually go out and cheat. I just don’t know why I am having these feelings. I have been a lesbian for 6.5 years and she is the 2nd female that I had got involve with, so you can say I have only been with 2 women. I am very clear on who I am as a lesbian female and women is who I am attracted to mentally and physically. I just want(I don’t know) what I want. Let me know what you think. I know this is messed up.

By: Ronda

Ronda — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:40:57 +0000

Steffanie, I have concern about your “comments”.
1st you stress that you are in a “loving relationship that has been going on for almost 6yrs”
2nd you say that “I am not a cheater because I just don’t believe in that”
Then you go on to say that you WANT to be with someone else.

OK THIS is my problem with that….

IF you are in a loving relationship, you should not WANT to be with anyone else.
IF you WANT to be with someone else, you should Let your partner know your feelings so that the 2 of you can deal with it.
It may be that you have come to the end of the road with your current situation and are in denial about it. The other thing you need to take into consideration is that if/when you do what you are going to do, you are going to hurt your partner a great deal. People who Love each other do NOT intentionally set out to hurt each other. You need to be open and honest with your partner because you are cheating her out of a REAL loving relationship by trapping her in a relationship where she has no real future.

By: Kevin_T

Kevin_T — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:13:56 +0000

I am a christian as well, and I have to wonder who these people are on here who question the validity of having a good sex life in marriage. It’s not all about women being non-person slaves, you realize this, right? You seem to be of the opinion that the woman should just lie there like a rag doll and take what you give her and she’ll like it. There is no harm to empowering women in marriage, relationships are about equality, not uncompromising domination.

By: Steffanie

Steffanie — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 05:02:52 +0000

Can anyone help me with my problem? Lesbian female here who is in a loving relationship that has been going on for almost 6yrs. I am not a cheater because I just don’t believe in that. I don’t want to cheat at all, but lately I have been feeling like I want to interact with another female. It isn’t just any female its with a white female and I have never dated outside of my race. Sometimes when I see a really fine, sexy, sophisticated female I just want to say something to her but I don’t. I love sophisticated women no matter what race they are. A women who knows what she want how to get it. I just feel like I am wrong for having these feelings and there is nothing wrong with my relationship. I respect all women for whatever their preference be. Straight or gay. I’m not into bisexuals and I don’t flirt with straight women. I just want (I don’t know) to have some fun with a staight up lesbian female. Am I wrong to feel this way when I have someone at home who loves me to death? Am I’m wrong to feel attracted to other females when I’m in a committed relationship? Am I wrong to take this female and wanting to make love to her mind and body? Am I wrong in wanting to pleasure and please her? I just need some feed back. Let me know what yall think about this situation.

By: Rick

Rick — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 04:09:52 +0000

Steve Doherty: There is nothing in her answer that could or should not be applied to a married couple. True, the OP said ‘boyfriend’ but this could mean a decades-long committed relationship, where they may not feel the need to be Married. Read some of the other replies as well …! People in a good long-term relationship should feel good about their intimate relationship with their spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend, which helps them bind together.

By: Carl

Carl — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 00:10:03 +0000

Sounds like great advice, but she’s been extremely passive our whole marriage, and thete’s no way she’ll take any initiative. Soooo-with that said, are you doing anything in the near future? Carl