Dear Dr. Fulbright ,
We used to do oral sex but now after 18 year of relation, she refuse to continue & she belame me that I was all that time can’t finish sex if there is no oral sex in the beginning , i take the subject as aperiod we call it (she is cold) but at this time she still belame me.

Please how to make her do it a gain because I love here but many time i am thinking to do it with a nother girls who they accept to suck more over they ask me to do it & they like to swollow sperm.

but I still refuse to do it with any other girl
I am now 43 yeard old , She is 38 , is it mean that she will still (cold woman)?

Please how to make her (Hot Girl)?

Thanks alot

KJ

There’s a chance that he has a sort of “performance anxiety” in that area. Feeling that he’s not doing something right or good enough. Like mentioned in the article this is based on her reactions. She may be having the time of her life but if there’s no sounds of pleasure or some indication… how is he to know. And, lastly.. talking about it is best. If he has a problem with talking about it.. it’s his problem.

Have to agree with making an issue. Thankfully my wife and I have very healthy love life. But what’s good for the goose is good for that gander.

Finally, something sensible out of our Fox Sexpert! I’m glad this question came to light… Yvonne’s right! Fair’s Fair. And she’s also right, I LOVE going down on my woman. It turns me on as much as she enjoys it. Most guys are like this. And most guys REALLY LOVE a bossy woman in the bedroom.

Clarissa, would you like my phone number?

Erik makes a point almost by implication. Why is it that the fairness card is played only in the direction of the female on the male when far more often, men go down on their women all the time, but when asked to return the favor, women are supported in the decision to say, “Ewww, gross!”? Or basically, the man gives her what she requests concerning oral sex, then she’s not “comfortable” with going as far as he requests concerning completion of oral sex for him. Why does “fair is fair” only go one way?

Dear Dr. Fulbright ,

I do sex with my husband two years but i never tell him that i have never get my orgasm cause i dont feel when he enter it inside. and he alwayse ask me if i feel good,then i say yes. i love him too much more than anything in this world but i dont know should i visit a doctor. or should i tell him.

thanks in advance

I usually am a big fan of your column, but your reply earns you a thump on the head.

Push his head down there….what were you thinking?

If you can’t ask for what you want maybe you are not in the right relationship or shouldn’t be having sex at all.

“… gently push his head closer to your pelvic area.” Any guys out there want to try this on their girl? Let me know how it turns out when you “gently push” her head toward your pelvic area. If you’re going to “push” then push by talking about it, not forcing someone in a direction they may or may not want to go.

As for David’s comments, I’m on board with you. Fair is fair. I’m in a fair relationship and it’s the best I’ve ever had. Fair is different and much more fulfilling than forceful (which is not the same as bossy).

I was very disappointed that to the side of an online Fox news story (face transplant surgery) that I would see in nice bright letters, the words “more oral sex, please!”. Come on…have some discretion…kids (including teenagers) don’t need to see that kind of titled article on a page with regular news stories. May be I don’t have the right kind of filter on my computer but really…sex advice is one thing…but please have a little more respect for young internet users and astonishingly enough, those of us who would be offended by such a blatant subject matter! Even if I were sitting here with my 4th grader I wouldn’t have seen that coming! Please be more tactful in the future with your “attention grabbing” headlines for your sexpert site! And can I just say for the record for anyone reading this that by some miracle might agree with me..I’M SO SICK OF OUR OVER SEXED SOCIETY! Every where you turn, every channel, every song, trillions of websites and popups…sex,sex,sex…no wonder there’s so many problems with teen pregnancies, stds, and sex offenders. Sorry, I just had to vent a little…intimacy can be very pleasurable but get over it..it’s not like it was just invented!

this is hilarious! for God’s sake, if he doesn’t go down on you, he’s only doing 1/2 his job….and same goes for her. Generally women take a lot more foreplay then men and to me oral is certainly a part of it. If my husband ever stops going down, he won’t get any either…fair is fair, like it or not. I LOVE giving him head and especially love when he is vocal about his pleasure, letting me hear his pleasure gives me clues as to what he likes, does not like…but, the most important thing will always be communication, verbal communication…tell him/her, talk to him/her about what you want, like, NEED…it is a partnership that will always need your fuel to keep the fire going!!!!

Live well, love often!!!!

Seems like either this woman’s boyfriend is using her for everything he can get, or maybe somebody needs to attend to their hygiene. Technique and manipulation have little to do with this problem, IMO.

“you can broach cunnilingus by asking him general questions like, “Does it turn you on to think about going down on me?””

Be careful with this question, you may not like the answer. You certainly don’t want to ask it during the act of sex or when you are “pushing” his head towards your pelvis.

Bike hit on a good point, let’s not forget hygiene. Ladies, be sure you’ve washed if you want us down there.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than going down on my wife. That being said, nothing kills the mood faster than hygiene issues.

I don’t recommend asking “Does it turn you on to think about going down on me?” when you’re in the heat of the moment. You might not like the answer.

Best practice is to use your words and discuss what you want BEFORE you get too hot and heavy.

I love going down on my woman but i dont think that gently guiding his head down is a good idea for him. It seems as though he is nervous about it and forcing him is not going to help much. I on the other hand love a little agressiveness from my lover.

I am married. My husband and I are happy. When I am in the mood, I tell him. Sometimes he is too, sometimes not. If not, usually he will be like “Well lets do ____.” Blank being some activity together (we are major gamers). It creates an emotional closeness. Other times, we cuddle, and heat things up. If he is in the mood and I am not, I do one of a few things. A: Tell him. I have a pain disorder, so some days its just a bad day and sex is off the table.. it would be too painful to me. What I DO do though is within a day or so, I make it up to him (read that fishnets and boots and him moaning until he almost passes out). I recognize that for him, its a need and creates a feeling of intimacy and acceptance for him. Rainchecks are ok.. just make sure you fill the raincheck, and that rainchecks are NOT frequent. If that isnt the reason, I do B: I tell him “Babe, I am tired, can we go gentle?” Meaning.. I am not in the mood for hot sweaty marathon sex, so we go slow and gentle and passionate. It is often the most amazing sex too. If those arent on the table, then I do C: I say “Babe, gimme a few to freshen up.” I go take a shower, change into something tht makes me feel sexy, and get my mindset into the sex mood. He gets time to anticipate it, and he gets all happy about me fixing up just for him, and I get the time to feel refreshed and relaxed and get myself into the mood.

Basically.. yeah its give and take. And yeah you shouldbe able to say no I am

Three suggestions if you want more oral sex:
1. Shave. No one likes hair in their mouth. If you’re not comfortable doing it, I’m sure your partner will be more than happy to. I’ve never nicked my wife once in over 20 years of marriage and it’s a weekly ritual I look forward to. A close trim is almost as good if shaving causes you irritation.
2. Shower or bathe immediately before having sex if oral pleasure is high on your agenda. There’s a time and place for sweaty, post workout sex, but that’s not a good time for oral sex. Body odor is a huge turn off for most people, especially when performing oral sex. By the way, a shaved pubic region is undeniably cleaner. No hair to trap secretions, bacteria and odor.
3. Communicate. This simply can’t be over emphasized. Most men enjoy performing oral sex if their partner is clean and responsive, but you won’t know your boy friend’s position on the subject if you don’t ask. And quid pro quo is important in the bed room. Discuss each others preferences and then fulfill each others desires. It’s not that difficult if you can be open and open minded. A few glasses of wine might help with that. By the way, these suggestions apply equally to men and women.

I never expected to be paging through Fox News and be hit with a headline in the Health section of More Oral Sex, Please. I in know way consider myself to be a prude, but when I am reading Fox News I want my health information from Dr. Manny or Dr. Bassett. I do not need information on talking with my husband about oral sex and I especially would prefer that my grandchildren (7,9 &10) who use Fox News for research not come across articles like this. I thought that topics such as this were why we had Playboy/Playgirl and Dr. Ruth.

I think too it depends on the girl. Some girls I’ve dated I would go down on a second, some well, its not they’re not pretty.. its just a hygiene issue or the size,shape and amount of over hang (flesh).. Some things are a turnoff…But it depends on the girl..some girls are appealing in that area and some are not.. That’s the frank truth..

Donna,

What 7, 9 or 10 year old is going to read FoxNews online? If they are, more power to them. They will be more well informed than any kid that age that I know. I’m 99.9% sure they will not see things like this until they are much older, when they have some sort of interest in the news. Until then, it’s nickelodeon.com and batman.com blah blah blah. Simple folk like us need somewhere to go that isn’t completely inappropriate (porn sites) to get some info like this. Plus it’s a free country lady. Now if there were pictures or videos to go along with this, I would think that’s a little more inappropriate. But this is harmless.

Now back to the Q&A. What is oral sex? LOL I’ve been married 5 years and would love to go down on my wife. But she doesn’t like it. I used to be told I was the best at it by other lovers, so I know I am probably pretty good at it. In return for not having to go down on my wife, I don’t get it either. It sucks. Sex life is pretty mediocre or too much routine-like. Same ol’ thing every time, when I do actually get some. Crazy thing is, she’s 29 and I’m 30. Don’t you think that would be the time in our lives when we would have sex the most? I don’t get it and it affects my attitude toward her, although I do love her very much. Talking about it is a sore subject for her so I don’t know what to do about it. But it drives me nuts.

Clarissa: tell your bfriend what you are looking for. Guys aren’t all-knowing, and everyone is different so what you like may not be what he is familiar with (at least I hope not…). Anyhow, if you like what he’s doing, be vocal about it. Communication = a happy sex life.

I have a great sex life, but like Jared, I, too, wish my gfriend gave better head. We’re working on it. Now if I can just get her to retract her teeth a little…eh em…

I HAVEN’T READ A COMMENT ABOUT MY PROBLEM… 17 YEARS WITH OUT SEX… I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ORAL SEX WITH THE RIGHT PERSON…. I’T BEEN A LONG TIME… I DON;T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE…. NAN

Amen to those suggesting attention to hygiene. Both partners can do wonders for increasing the probability of getting what they want by making a bit of a show of hitting the shower just before. I’ve had exes who I informed of the importance of a good fresh wash who just weren’t willing to make the effort. If they didn’t wash, then no oral (and no victimhood). Sorry ladies, our plumbing just ain’t the same so more effort is required.

Seriously, there are kids that read the FoxNews website. I love the paradox of the conservative Fox News (which I love) and the old Rupert Murdoch style of sex and trash sells. So maybe Fox should make it a little more difficult to access these conversations.

Having made that point, Suzanne above, makes the most sense. She gives her husband all kinds of choices and he returns the favor. My wife often says “lets just have a quickie”. And the pressure is off of everyone to have to put on a performance. We have a nice quickie, and I get to go finish watching Monday Night Football.

We save the marathons for Saturday.

And by the way, if your wife is not comfortable with oral sex she needs to talk to someone. That is immature. I have a lot of male friends that tell me of there wive’s playing games with sex, and denying it as a punishment. I would be out the door if I made the mistake of marrying a woman like that.

wow……you can tell in some of these comments that the candy is not about to be kissed in either direction. Too bad when such a confection leads to rejection!

This type of confection should never lead to rejection!

Communication is the obvious answer. Unless your lover is psychic. Hygeine seems to be a no-brainer unless your diving in for the first time. THEN it’ll be “lessons learned”.

Mae West had two great quotes that could be used here:

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Mae West

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West

Perhaps another tact would be well used.”EITHER OR!”IN recieving this he might just get a hint if not maybe another partner would better understand! P.S.Iam a man who really understands this problem.

I am a VERY lucky man I guess. My wife and i are completely uninhibited about oral sex. Without going into detail I will just say that there is nothing we don’t do orally for each other and we both love every hour of it. That being said we do follow guidelines.
1. You don’t have to have oral at every love making session. Just let it come naturally.
2. Hygiene! Both of you should be trimmed and squeaky clean.
3. Go the distance. Don’t hold back. Nothing in the world is better than a girl\guy who does anything and everything in the bedroom to make their partner happy.

I lived for many years of absolute neglect in this department with my first wife. Not now! WOW! Life is good! And good luck to you. Happy holidays everyone!!

Clarissa,I have the same problem with my wife,I go down on her all the time but can’t get her to even get within a nose of my privates.She thinks she’s done her job by me just being able to make love to her.I would love to have a woman who loves sex and is adventrous,and yes I have verbalized to her what I need but to no good, it has ruined our marriage so you need to tell him what you want and enjoy and also be willing to reciprocate to his needs

I’ve been married to a wonderfully warm and kind husband for nearly 20 years. Unfortunately, he’s not so wonderful in the bedroom. He loves me to do oral on him and I have since our honeymoon, but he refused to do oral on me. I’ve tried shaving, and of course bathing. He says I’m to wet down there and it just grosses him out. I’ve never been with anyone else, so it makes me sad to think I’m missing out on something that so many men and women like enjoy as part of their sex life. What’s a girl to do?

Enough with the “you must shave before dinner” posts. Not all guys prefer their women to look like 8-year-old girls. Just because that’s what all the porn women do does not mean all men prefer it. Personally I greatly enjoy nuzzling the nest.

Wow. The comments here are funnier than the original question.

Here’s some advice. Slo the F down. Everyone is so quick to jump to 3rd date swinging from the rafter’s with vibrating toys jutting from every orifice that these dumb questions come up.

You have to invest in a loving/trusting relationship in order for both parties to ‘come’ to the table.

Yeah, yeah, we all dated that loose gal in HS or collge that could swing with the best of them, but did you marry her? Hell No.

As for hygene. C’mon. A real man goes down on his gal no matter what… AND LIKES IT. If you are whining about being clean shaven, then you definately watch too many pornos. Life is real. Women are real. Hair is real. Odors are real. Movies are fake…. but a good soap — that lasts all day can’t hurt…

I thought it was hilarious when the Italian scientists said they discovered only 1 in 4 women has a gspot but that it can be developed in any woman. I have been happily performing cunnilingus since I was 14, and have never even considered having a woman reciprocate. I have only found one woman the past 32 years who could not have an orgasm. I can say that neither the Gspot nor the inner anterior fornyx are myths, and I can bring a woman to orgasm simply by manipulating her lower abs properly, no contact with the clitoris or any other erogenous zone is necessary. It is about patience, and technique. I suggest read a book with your partner and learn about yourself, and then practice. If he is doing it right it isn’t about the goal of multiple orgasms being achieved, it is about sharing a tender moment and making it last as long as possible. Andrew

Hah. Andrew, would you like MY phone number???

Nancy – Why 17 years without? It doesn’t need to be…Go out and meet people, get a MySpace, don’t play hard-to-get, and you can once again be enjoying sex. Lots of guys out there would be interested in meeting you. I wouldn’t wait for the right person…enjoy it. It’s just sex… Give me your phone number!

Clarissa – talk to your boyfriend. If you communicate with each other, sex will get better.

I love going down on my boyfriend, and I know he enjoys it too. But it is a partnership. Quid pro quo. Most of the time I don’t even have to ask for it, but the others have a point about hygeine. I know that I don’t like him down there when i’m not clean, to me it just makes me uncomfortable. As for the shaving issue, it is true that even a trim is better, because no one likes long loose hairs in their mouth. It is just distracting from the goal. And just a tad irritating.

I am so sick and tired of people who get on here and whine about why its so many of this and so many of that. Stop blaming everything on TV, music, websites, popups, whatever. Kids and teenagers just don’t get it from there. They can get it from there friends, neighbors who like to have sex after dark in their own back yards thats suppose to be private, they can get from you the parent when you think that little Bobby or little Jane is sleeping and you decide to make love to the one you love. Come on that is really just annoying. You are so worried about what your children do that you don’t stop to think. We are all human beings. It is human nature. Sex is human nature. it doesn’t matter how old. It is up to the parent to let their children know from right and wrong and not try to hide it. It is up to the parent to make sure that their teenage knows about peer pressure and how hard it is being a teenager. My god every parent was a kid and teenager. You have a lot of children who can listen to the music, watch tv, go to the website, etc, etc, etc….and never do anything that they chose not to do because they are being responsible adolescence. Man stop blaming other people for the problems that these young human beings have dealing with sex and start looking at yourself and make sure that you are preparing your child about being responsible and making the right discision about his or her body. Don’t try to hide it. And another thing you can’t put pediphiles in the same catogory because people like that don’t get it from any of those things its already in their heads because they are the ones that sick. That is where parents really need to talk with their children and let them know that when an adult is too friendly or trying to get too close that they need to tell. Especially if that adult makes them uncomfortable. Parents also need to learn more about listening to their children no matter how its going to make you feel listen to them. Then after you talk to them you can go to your room and scream because its hard raising children and you can’t protect them from everything. YOU HAVE TO TEACH AND PREPARE THEM.