Yet the BEST way to over-come your self-consciousness is to have sex as a married couple. I had numerous partners before I was married but the best sex by far is with my wife. Marriage creates an enormous amount of security and acceptance. It frees you to be yourself and to express yourself without fear of rejection. Thus, my wife and I can make love with the lights on, in any position, in any location and know that our commitment and love for each other will cast out fear. Everything Yvonne suggests merely diminishes fear, but the fear of rejection will remain. Get committed, get married THEN get naked.

The problem of being self-conscious during sex is not one of how large (or small) one’s body parts are, nor is it how they are presented to the partner. It is the kind of relationship in which one must present those body parts.

In short, the problem here is not the size of the woman’s derriere or how she’s using it. The problem is that she has just a partner, and not a husband. A partner just wants the sex and the view. A husband–at least a good one–values her. There is a huge difference.

Dear Yvonne,
I have started my sexual activity since September of this year and I havent experienced orgasm yet. My boyfriend is really good in bed and I don’t believe it is his fault I haven’t achieved the “top” yet.So I’m starting to be concerned of my body.Is it something wrong with my sexual potencial or is it normal for a girl who was a virgin four months ago?I emphasize that I’ve been having sexual contact once in three weeks generally.I’d love to hear your answer.

Another swing and a miss…

I am totally without sexual arousal, no erection, and no ejaculation. This is not me. I have always been extremely good at sex and this is not good for my emotional system. I have lost respect for myself. I have talked to my doctor about this. He did not think this was a big deal, so I became angry over it. He blmed it on my diabetes. I have had diabetes for fifteenuears and neverhad any problem before. I blame it on Zocor and Neurontin and Effexor XR. Things started slowing down when I started taking Effexor. Then Neurontin finished me off, with no feelings about sex whatsoever. I can stop taking Zocor and reduce cholestrol naturally. I don’t know how to get off Effexor. It pulled me out of deep depression which lasted a long time. Neurontin is used for nerve pain, diabetic nerve pain. I don’t have that much pain, so I wonder if I should be taking it. I just started a few months ago and I did not suffer from pain. I did not have much feeling in my feet, but now I do. So where am I. I enjoy sex very much, and miss it. It is a great stress reliever and a hell of a lot of fun. So where am I? Help?

Robert March- You say you’ve had diabetes for 15 years, but did you treat the diabetes or just live with it? There is a big difference. I admit I could be wrong but I’ll go out on a limb and say you didn’t take care of it. That numbness in your feet is called peripheral neuropathy and it’s a severe symptom of diabetes. It doesn’t start when you first become diabetic. Did you take medicine? Watch what you eat? Do anything to take care of yourself? Also, did you ever think the Neurontin is the reason you don’t have much pain and do have some feeling in your feet? That’s a common mistake people make. They think “I feel better now” and stop taking their med’s. Chances are the med’s are what made you better in the first place.

Mara,

Don’t worry, sweetie! Since September, every 3 weeks, is like 5 times, right? Not such a big deal. Worrying could be what’s interfering with it, actually. If you just enjoy the moment consistently, and tell your boyfriend what works better for you, just you wait!

You say your boyfriend’s good at it, but no guy really knows what’s good for his girl unless she tells (or shows) him. Every girl’s different, and if he’s doing what works for most girls, it might be good for you, but he could be GREAT if you help him out a little. All you need are a very few words: faster/slower, harder/softer, “just like that,” and “maybe something different.” I promise he’ll appreciate the help.

Also, don’t be afraid to try different things/positions. No one is best for every couple (though lots of women like to be on top, with good reason). Studies show that just using a variety of positions is helpful for the woman’s satisfaction. Not to mention you may find an especially good one for you.