Sexpert Q&A: Too Much Sex?
I have always had a healthy sex drive, but at least a couple of my lovers over the years, including my current one, have made the comment that I’m a nympho because I want sex more than they do. I would take it as a compliment if these guys weren’t so negative about it. How do I respond to these comments?
- Acacia
In the future, begin by asking your partner to define the term “nympho,” and what it means to have “too much sex.” Then explain that we are all different in our level of desire – and that there are times when one sexual partner is in the mood more often than the other. Highlight the fact that these sexual desire discrepancies are quite common, and should not be used to put down an individual. Let him know that you’re offended, if that’s the case.
Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how this makes you feel, particularly when it comes to the judgment that’s involved. Stress that you see nothing wrong with your sex drive, and that it’s quite healthy. Unless one’s sex drive is interfering with their daily routine, there is no problem with it. In fact, the issue seems to be your partner’s discomfort in not being able to keep up with you – desire or otherwise.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”
Tags: desire, Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, nymphomaniac, partners, sex, sex drive
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I think he needs to be considerate and realize that he has a good thing. I dated a woman that was like that and I let her get away. But also remember sex isn’t the only thing that holds a relationship together, but it doesn’t hurt.
LOL
Acacia,
To me, sex is very important to the success of a relationship. We are all different, so we’re not all going to be on the same sheet of music when it comes to frequency of sex. However, I have had similar discussions with a few ex-lovers, all who tried to label me as a nympho for the same reason. From experience, you can talk till you’re blue in the face. If your lover is not into sex as much, it’s doubtful you will be able to change him/her. It’s this basic, fundamental difference in needs that can eventually cause the relationship to suffer, particularly if your lover gets defensive about this difference. Unless there is a really strong foundation to your relationship, maybe it’s time to move on?? There are plenty of people out there who will have a super sex drive and will love you for yours. Best of luck to you.
It’s sad that all of these comments are about multiple sex partners outside of marriage. And that is precisely what it is: sex and nothing more.
The problem here doesn’t disappear with negotiation for a very simple reason; this woman’s apparent “nymphomania” is probably simply her desperate attempt to “bond” with a man in the way a new bride bonds with her husband. Since she has apparently had many lovers, the sexual act does not “bond” her to her man in the way it does a chaste bride.
Her solution isn’t to present the “facts” Dr. Fulbright states, but rather to stay out of bed for a while and find and marry a husband.
My wife labeled herself when we first married. Her first marriage was long and abusive. She never allowed herself to be free with herself. We married and everything changed. She feels close and safe with me. Has become a whole new woman and surprises herself. She’ll say herself “I feel like such a nympho”. I just chuckle and say, “Nope. Just safe and free to be yourself”. I’m one lucky feller..
“Sex” and lovemaking have many aspects. Not just a romp in the sack. Flirting, foreplay, various pleasuring methods, post-play… Acacia needs to relax, be herself and enjoy what she’s got.
Acacia does not answer the obvious question. How often does she want sex?
Not that there is anything wrong with wanting it often. There might be medical or mental issues if the number was very very high. Would you give the same response for 3 times a day vs 3 times a week?
I reckon this young woman needs to get herself a battery operated boyfriend if her husband can’t keep up…
I have the same problem. So much so that I go out looking for sex even though I am married and enjoy my wife and sex with her. It is quite a problem as I do anything in the book to try hook up with girls and have sex. I sympathise with you though as it is really not easy when you want or need sex and the partner is not that keen on it as it is the 5th time that night for instance.
Anyway, I think you and I might have made a good team as we could have sex all the time.
I write about these times I go out in my blog if you are interested in reading about it at sexualovertures.blogspot.com
Acacia:
As a lesbian female I can tell you that there’s nothing wrong with having a strong sexual appetite. There are plenty of people like yourself who likes to have alot of sex. There are also people who have low sex drives who really can’t handle all the sex because of their low sex drive. You even got people who claim that they have high sex drives and when they get with someone like you they are put to the test and you know what they fell. That is the only reason why people give other people labels like nymphomaniacs. They can’t handle a high sex drive. There is nothing wrong in wanting sex as long as you protect yourself. It is too many diseases out here not to protect yourself. As far as responding to these guys comments that you have to deal with(DON’T). Be yourself and don’t let N0 ONE try to CHANGE you. You like something and its not something bad its actually something good. I like sex. Matter of fact I love sex. Its good for my body if you know what I mean. If something is good for the body why change it. If you were a lesbian and I was your women you will never hear me complain. I will give you the PPS. This stands for PLEASED, PLEASURED, and very well SATISFIED!!!!!!! JUST TELLING THE TRUTH…..
Mae West said it best…
“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away”…
I love America. Where else could this question provoke such a variety of comments? They range from helpful and supportive to disapproving and condemning, and one guy is trying to hook up with while simultaneously pimping his own site.
As for my two cents, I’ve been on both sides of the issue. I’ve been the “nympho” and I’ve been the one who can’t keep up. If you want to remain with your partner, understanding and compromise can be reached, but you shouldn’t sacrifice your self esteem. You do need to let him know how you feel about his labeling, but also be aware that your frequent requests for sex may make him feel inadequate and defensive. He has no right to make you feel bad about yourself, but I think you’ll have an easier discussion if you consider that he may be upset as well.
Oh, and I’d also advise that you don’t pay any attention to anyone who would condemn you for having sex out of wedlock, for having multiple partners, or for having sex just for the sake of sex. It’s your life and your business. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about the way you’re living it.
Robert, she doesn’t need to answer the question…her lover could think more than once a week is too much. Hell, one woman I was with, albeit briefly, said anything other than once on Friday night and, maybe, Saturday night was too much. As long as her sexual desires aren’t interfering or affecting with her life in other ways (work, family relationship, etc.) there shouldn’t be a problem.
Sexualovertures…how do you get the stamina for 5 times a night…please advise!!!
we get the head in but that is it it wont go further wat is going on wat can help