Cain: I know where you are coming from. I am struggling with coming out and have a partner who has been out for years. It drives both of us nuts. Go to counseling. I am more comfortable with who I am now than I used to be. I guess I am still a work in progress. Communication and compromise help all relationships. Best of everything to you.

Cain,
The reason for keeping your sexual orientation on the down-low may have more to do with your profession and desire for advancement than with feeling comfortable with who you are. Your partner may have a profession in which his sexual orientation is more accepted.

Some may feel that it sounds discriminatory to say that some professions are more open to gays than others. But some professions are more open to discussing sexual matters than others. How comfortable you feel about yourself and your sexual orientation in the company of friends, family, and the general public may be a different story in your current work environment.

Work environment aside, it is natural for some individuals to want to make their voices heard for a cause and for others to be more discreet. The fact that your partner is more “out” than you is perfectly natural because opposites do attract.

Best of luck in your relationship, your career and with your future.

It is simple Say no to being homosexual.

jane hopes it gets better

It is simple Say no to being homosexual.

Haha. Yeah, marry a woman instead, and have a completely dysfunctional marriage in which you’re both miserable. Perfect solution!

“It is simple to Say no to being homosexual”

Ummm….did it work for you?

WTF!….

I agree with MrBones-it’s just like any other sin that needs to be controlled and not acted on. Seek God and repent.

Go Steelers!!!!

“The Gay Gene?
by Jeffrey Satinover, M.D.

——————————————————————————–
Jeffrey B. Satinover, M.D. has practiced psychoanalysis for more than nineteen years, and psychiatry for more than ten. He is a former Fellow in Psychiatry and Child Psychiatry at Yale University, a past president of the C.G. Jung Foundation, and a former William James Lecturer in Psychology and Religion at Harvard University. He holds degrees from MIT, the University of Texas, and Harvard University. He is the author of Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth (Baker Books, 1996). ”

“…So what are these traits?
An important question, indeed. Science is being seriously obstructed in its effort to answer that question. If we were allowed- encouraged-to answer it, we would soon develop better ideas on what homosexuality is and how to change, or better, prevent it. We would know who was at greater risk for becoming homosexual and what environments- family or societal-foster it. As one prominent gay activist researcher implied, all genetic things being equal, it is a whole lot easier to become “gay” in New York than in Utah. So who do you think would benefit most from that kind of research?
Well, what traits do you guess are “associated,” as you put it, with homosexuality?
May I speculate, perhaps wildly? That is how scientific hypotheses are first generated. The important thing is not to avoid ideas that prove wrong, just not to cling to them …”

The Gay Gene?
by Jeffrey Satinover, M.D.

——————————————————————————–
Jeffrey B. Satinover, M.D. has practiced psychoanalysis for more than nineteen years, and psychiatry for more than ten. He is a former Fellow in Psychiatry and Child Psychiatry at Yale University, a past president of the C.G. Jung Foundation, and a former William James Lecturer in Psychology and Religion at Harvard University.
So what are these traits?
An important question, indeed. Science is being seriously obstructed in its effort to answer that question. If we were allowed- encouraged-to answer it, we would soon develop better ideas on what homosexuality is and how to change, or better, prevent it. We would know who was at greater risk for becoming homosexual and what environments- family or societal-foster it. As one prominent gay activist researcher implied, all genetic things being equal, it is a whole lot easier to become “gay” in New York than in Utah. So who do you think would benefit most from that kind of research?
Well, what traits do you guess are “associated,” as you put it, with homosexuality?
May I speculate, perhaps wildly? That is how scientific hypotheses are first generated.

I’ve tried to understand the homosexual phenomenon that seems to be sweeping our nation (I’ve recently had a gay cousin die from AIDS), and I keep coming back to the same thought. If God is a good God (which I believe He is), why would he create someone to be gay and then say that it is a sin. That is like giving someone brown eyes and then calling it a sin to have brown eyes. I just really believe it is a choice that each individual makes. Just like the choice to overeat is. It’s still a sin, just like gluttony, and it will have it’s consequences. However, it is not my place to judge anyone. It is between that person and God. Our job, are you listening fellow Christians, is to love. A heart in love with God will do what He asks without our condemnation.

The very same doctor who got the APA to change its stance on homosexuality in 1973, came back in 2003 and changed his own mind. Why did this formerly zealous pro-homosexual reformer have a change of heart? Because – although he described himself as “initially skeptical” – he personally interviewed more than 200 former homosexuals who had changed to heterosexual through what he called “reparative therapy”!
To his credit, Dr. Spitzer dared to tell the truth about his findings, despite the rabid rantings of the radical gay activists who foresaw the dire implications of this revelation. Dr. Spitzer’s report, entitled “200 Participants Reporting a Change from Homosexual to Heterosexual Orientation,” was published in the October 2003 edition of the prominent journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour.

The fact that Cain wants to keep his sexuality quiet is the right decision. That’s what heterosexuals do. The problem is that his “people” have decided to exploit their sexuality. The classification of a people by their sexual orientation is a new and absurd concept. Homosexuals started out as a lifestyle then a community and then a people seeking rights. If it is natural and not an anti-society rebellion then why does it require attention? Just do what you do and live your life. If we concede to the idea of you are”what you have sex with” then we open a Pandora’s box. What’s next? Do we classify people with a foot fetish as “pedisexuals”? The list goes on but I’ll stop because I know when to say, “people might not be comfortable with that.”. Something that my friends of the other sexual orientation should learn. The biggest hurdle that homosexuals have to overcome is that them being a people means that society has to address sex to explain them.

Are you the same woman who appears in the BOWFLEX commercial where the questions is asked: “Does size matter?”

It really made me sad to hear the Dr’s recommendation for this person. How RIDICULOUS!!! Yes, I have heard it all, but Homosexuality is a choice. I am a Christian, I am not condeming the person, I am condeming the the sin. However, as I said above, the SAD part of this issue was the advise the Dr. gave!!!

It doesn’t matter if you think homosexuality is a choice or genetic, or if it’s a sin. The only relevant and indisputable fact is that it exists in our society. It has been part of human society for thousands of years and will continue to be with us for thousands more. The only thing that changes is society’s view of it. Unfortunately, we live in very intolerant times. Many of the comments posted here show why a person would hesitate to declare their homosexuality.

I propose a challenge to those who insist our sexual orientation is a choice: Why don’t you try to choose to be homosexual? After all, if it’s a simple matter of choice, you should be able to choose one orientation and then choose to go back. If you can’t do that, you have no grounds to condemn anyone else for their “choice.”

For those who call homosexuality a sin, I wonder if you understand that your opinion is insignificant when one considers the inevitability of homosexuality? Do you understand that you do no good in the world when you hide behind the name of your god and cast stones at something you don’t understand? Who are you to throw stones at anyone for any offense? Perhaps you would be better served to spend your time repenting for your own sins instead of pointing out those of others.

I’m heterosexual, but I have no fear or hatred of homosexuals. I will never understand why we can’t just live, and let live.

I got lost in my rant and forgot the main thing I started to say:

There’s nothing wrong with Dr. Fulbright’s advice. What was she supposed to do? Tell him to stop being homosexual? Give me a break.

Cain, whether it was by choice or by birth, you are who you are. I can’t offer you a road map, but you need to find some way to accept and love yourself, and you need to stop being afraid. I don’t know anything about your situation, but it seems clear that you’re afraid of something. Fear is simply a measure of hindrance. The more your fear, the less you can do and the fewer options you have. It isn’t fair to you, and it isn’t fair to your partner, to live in fear. There is a better way to live. You aren’t in a good place right now. Do you have the strength and resolve to face your fear and do what needs to be done in order for you to move into a better life? What is holding you back? What challenge or sacrifice do you fear?

Very instructive blog. Congratulations!!! I’m not a expert like you but I’ve got a blog about sexuality. It’s called Sexy Help Desk. It’s in portuguese, but you can translate. Let me know if you have any suggestion. My best regards,

Alberto Lozéa

The decisions we make, each and every day, either make our paths easier or more difficult to travel. Choosing homosexuality over heterosexuality is a decision that will undoubtedly make one’s life more challenging…in many ways. Expressing your freedom and independence can be accomplished in other ways, don’t choose homosexuality…your life will not be easy.

If homosexuality is to be considered a “normal” birth trait – then we MUST accept the possibility that everyone “could” be born gay. Even the concept is absurd, as it would lead to our extinction.

Activist physicians, courts and social movements can make all the claims and excuses they want. The fact is – sexual preference is just that – a preference, a choice.

Make your decision. Live with it and shut the H_ll up. We don’t care if you’re gay but we’re sick and tired of being told it’s normal and we have to approve or be called hate mongers.

Hope this helps.