Losing Her Virginity, Again
Natalie Dylan, the pseudonym for a 22-year-old San Diego woman, is taking steps to auction off her virginity. She’s taking bids — reportedly already reaching into millions of dollars — to have sex for the first time at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a brothel in Nevada run by proprietor Dennis Hof. She says she has taken a polygraph and is willing to undergo a medical examination to prove her virginal status.
Natalie’s sister already works at the Bunny Ranch. Both women, according to Natalie, turned to selling sex as a way to continue their educations, after their father allegedly took out student loans in their names and used the money for other purposes. Natalie has described herself as a graduate of Sacramento State College with plans to pursue a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy.
So here’s some advice from this therapist: Natalie, it’s time to wonder whether a polygraph or medical examination can really tell you whether this is the first time you’ve found yourself in a house — of prostitution, or otherwise — that failed to value you as a human being (not a product) and count as priceless your well-being and spiritual development. Whatever “ability” you have to cordon off your emotions and turn yourself into a commodity may well have been forged in circumstances that required you to deny your emotions and surrender your most private and intimate thoughts and feelings. And if that is the case, the fact that you’re now the one “profiting” doesn’t insulate you from the psychological toll of replaying the loss of your innocence.
I worry that your psychological virginity — that belief that the world around you is a safe and loving and predictable place — was taken long before this auction. That brand of virginity is supposed to be surrendered only as childhood and adolescence yield to young adulthood and then full adulthood. It is supposed to be protected in one’s early years by parents who put you first, and themselves a distant second. It is supposed to be nurtured by caretakers and teachers and neighbors and friends who discover your special gifts, respect you as a person and honor your boundaries. That’s how you learn to cherish yourself.
Take a little time to wonder why shouting out to the world that your first sexual experience might as well be shared with a stranger might be a way of shouting out to the world that your first experiences in other facets of your life were kept no less sacred, that you have been violated — whether emotionally or otherwise — without any compensation. Is that why you figure you might as well put some money in the bank? Which corners of your soul feel bankrupt?
Here’s the last piece of advice: Understand if you will, that the world will always bid high for you to surrender that which is truly a priceless part of you. But this time — unlike the last time — you can keep yourself out of harm’s way, if you believe you deserve to be.
Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com or e-mail him at info@keithablow.com.
Tags: auction, brothel, Dr. Keith Ablow, Moonlite Bunny Ranch, Natalie Dylan, Nevada, prostitution, virginity
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Much ado about nothing. The fool that pays millions to rip a “virgin’s” hymen deserves to be relieved of his wealth. It happens all the time. woman being sold for profit all over the world. It is wrong. It is still wrong what this little girl is doing. Perhaps it is her way of punishing her father for taking financial advantage of her and her sister. Men have been profiting from woman’s bodies all the time. Perhaps this little girl wants to reap the rewards herself. If you really feel strongly about this, work to end prostitution all over the United States first. Has it ocurred to you that this might not be a vountary but a co-erced action. After all, she is at a place where women bodies are sold, a place of prostitution.
Where are her friends????
This girl needs someone to take her by the arm
pull her aside and tell her she is a lady
that she is priceless and Worthy of real love.
Recently a celebrity..Raben..did a self esteem seminar for girls
with the Dove company….This girl needs them.
maria, I think it might behoove you to re-read Dr. Ablow’s kind and insightful article. I think you’ve missed his point entirely.
On the other hand, She’s going out and doing what she can to get herself somewhere in the world. Not relying on her parents to pay for everything, she’s doing everything for herself. I think that is admirable. Some people aren’t as sensitive about virginity or sex, and can have unemotional, just physical sex. Some people can be like that. I can’t. I couldn’t do what shes doing. But I admire her for using her head (she’s obviously doing something she knows she’ll be okay with) and paying her own way through life.
first of all, to “men profit from women’s bodies…” the women profit from their own body’s. not the men. and she’s not a little girl. she’s old enough to decide things for herself. she is a woman.
I can promise you there will not be blood on the sheets like the harlequin romance novels.. plus who wants a virgin anyway?? dont know how to please a man in bed.. but this TART is no virgin she probably has gone a few weeks without sex and has put alum in her vagina to appear tight. also if you have used tampons at any point your hymen is gone so whatever fool pay that much for sex should get taken.
OK. I feel the need to respond again.
RONICA MYREE, I don’t know if you’re a girl or a boy, but unless our physiologies are very different (assuming you’re a girl), using a tampon does not do a thing to a girl’s hymen.
While I agree with, and feel enormous affection for, Dr. Ablow’s post, I do think some folks here actually have a point.
I think that there are many men out there who believe (or would like to believe) that when a female has sex, it involves a whole lot of sacrifice of her “self”. This was probably quite true before the advent of birth-control. Let’s face it, in the olden days, if a female were to “sleep around”, she’d probably end up pregnant, without anyone to help her raise the offspring. She’d essentially be “screwed”.
BUT, nowadays, things are quite different.
The fact is that girls are pretty much fine and dandy with sex, and might (surprise, surprise) actually enjoy it! Perhaps not first-time sex (there might be a little anxiety there, because it actually does involve a bit of pain), but after that, there’s not much but pleasure.
Of course this does not apply to those who have been sexually abused as children–that’s a whole other kettle of fish…
As for this Natalie Dylan, I don’t know if she had sexual abuse in her past or not, but plainly, something wasn’t right in her home. She would be the luckiest person in the world to be able to have the sort of understanding and compassion that Dr. Ablow has to offer.
This article is insightful and speaks about our true value, self worth and dignity. Viewing the human body as a commodity is not only wrong, it devalues the gift of each life and value God gave us- created in His likeness and image. Sexuality taken out of the context of relationship, love and caring is becoming a big problem in our online and real world. What makes us feel valued, whole and good is not sex but it is to be truly loved for who we are without condition. She doesn’t care because she doesn’t care about or value herself. And if there was a child born from this relationship? That’s not the point, right? But that was the original point of sexuality – God’s own gift of creation. And it is a beautiful gift. Every person has value that can not be bought or sold. The guys participating in this “auction” are just as guilty for devaluing her. I agree with the Dr. and thank him for identifying what is really going on here. I wish this wasn’t a story we had to see or read about online. It’s so sad. I feel for this girl and her future.
I feel sad for this girl and that she is exploiting herself in this way. The article rightly points out that she feels like she has no value or self worth. If something is valuable and important to you, you protect it and keep it safe from harm – you do not prostitute or sell yourself or your body. The guys that have bid or desire to, are already guilty. Lust is always hurtful sooner or later. It makes your sexuality worth little more than an object of desire. And what if this encounter with a stranger produces a child? That’s not the point, right? That is the point – or was the point of the gift of our sexuality. In an ideal world, to create a family out of love. It may not be the way many people view sexuality now, but treating sex as an end in itself for just pleasure devalues the act and the person. True worth and self worth comes from valuing who you are – and sincere caring. Someone caring about you and what happens to you because they love you – and who you are. It matters. I am sorry we have to read about these things in the online world and in the real world. I am sorry they happen. I feel sad for this girl.
I feel sad for this girl. She feels like her sexuality has no value and she doesn’t care. Every person needs to feel loved for who they are. You can’t put a price on your worth or value as a human being. Lust is always hurtful – and always has consequences sooner or later. There is no lasting joy or self worth in pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure, or sex for the sake of sex. And what if a child results from the encounter? I know, that’s not the point – but why not? The true purpose of our sexuality in a perfect world is to create a family in love. The guys who lack moral character who are bidding on her – or who have the desire to – are devaluing her. If I had a message to this girl it would be – You deserve more and are worth more than this. There is no price that can be placed your value.
Well written! The article really tells it the way it should be lived out. If our young women were valued by their parents they would not seek love, in any form, from total strangers. Your self worth does not come from a man in adult hood. It should be grown in a safe home environment. The “land of it should not be” is so prevelent today. The world views have so distorted the minds of our impressionable young people. “If it seems right to you, just do it,” is so much the opinion of many people. Our country and families have been destroyed by such thinking. Parents at times make choices for themselves and do not think about the other people who are relying on them to do the harder, right thing.
It is sad when young girls can sing and dance to songs that are misguided and yet have never attended a little girl tea party. I recently met such a little girl. She asked me what a tea party was. I am planning one for her. We need to reach out with our hands to love these little women and value them before they too are hardened by the view of the current thinking. May we make a diiference in the way girls and women see themselves.
Some things can’t be sold. Some things can’t be bought. But in this world it’s always been that some people will try anyway.
Tampons don’t break your hymen. If I had the money I would just give it to her to pay off her debts. Hopefully, some kind person will do this and not disgrace this girl anymore. And just because we have the right to choose what to do with our body does not make it a good thing! This won’t affect only her body, but her emotional well-being.
Fantastic advice and questions that need to be asked by anyone that is willing to sell intimacy. Natalie seems to believe that her sad approach to her sexuality is completely normal. I shudder at the thought of her, in her present state of mind, becoming a family and marriage counselor.
This is no little innocent girl I agree. However, this young woman is deciding her morals, ethics and character as a person right now. She is willing to do anything for money and is only 19 years old. A true genuine character who is willing to work hard for quality of life is priceless. There many things money can buy and respect for self and society is not one of them.
I think it is so sad to read about this young woman. Nothing that important (your own body) is worth any money. And I agree with the other viewer who asks where are all her friends?
I worry like the counselor above, that she will suffer much later if she goes through with this. Not to mention, what kind of man would pay that much or even have that much money (millions) and think that was okay to use money like that. How creepy..
There are so many women out there, putting themselves through school by working on the side and helping themselves properly. Those are the real brave women who truly sacrifice to get a good education so they can get a good job.
I hope any other young ladies who think this woman’s story is appealing, need to remember that there are much more young ladies out there who are keeping their dignity and will graduate with self-respect, knowing they did it themselves and worked for it themselves the right way. Those are the women who we all need to look up to.
You are better than this! There is always a better way! Challenge yourself to overcome this, work hard and you’ll get through and the best part is you won’t regret….don’t choose the easy way out and sell your GOD given body.