If they both want this relationship. They BOTH need counseling. I see this continuing on and possibly even more devastaing next time and there will be one.
Prayer isn’t going to save them.

Excellent article Doc. You nail it here she and he have huge issues and we’ll see the two again in some horror show spawned by either’s messed up state. Gee not much of a father she had either, Really this should have been it. The fact that she is around him either as in love or just socially says she doesn’t get it. I do not have any respect for either of them as “artists” I don’t consider what they do art, but the woman surely is not stupid as to re trace her steps into disaster is she … well she truly will deserve the next one. This should have ended his “career” period, the next time it will end both of their carreer’s.

I agree. Rihanna has set a horrible example for women and young alike who are in abusive relationships. She’s telling them that it’s OKAY to stay with someone who abuses you. This is a huge step back for American culture.

I think she’s taking a big risk regarding her career. A lot of people have lost respect for her and who knows if she’ll ever regain that trust.

SHE IS AS STUPID AS HE IS, WHAT A ROLE MODEL!! HOPE THEIR CAREERS ARE GONE!

I don’t usually follow celebrity cases but this was practically unavoidable. You are absolutely spot on about an abusive man’s mentality, and she is placing herself in extreme danger. It’s horrible to watch, she is a talented and beautiful young women. I wish there was some way to reach her, some way to help her.

well said, and well spoken. I myself was married at a very young age (19) also to a 19 year old ‘man’. He drank, had a temper, beat me up badly, attempted to strangle me several times also, one time I nearly passed out and left horrific scars all over my body, so that now, nearly 30 years later, I can still see those scars on my body. He was a very self centered individual and if he didn’t get what he wanted, he lashed out – at me. I was very low in self esteem at the time, and I didn’t have the strength to pull out of the relationship, however, my parents helped me to pull out of it. Without their help, I would not have had the strength nor the courage to leave this monster. Needless to say, after I left him, he took up with another woman, and I learned later he beat her so badly, that one time he broke her arm. I thank God that now I am married to one of the kindest men I have ever met, he has NEVER harmed me nor tried to and there is not an ounce of selfishness in his body.
When I saw Rihanna’s story, I knew in my mind exactly what would happen. The fact that he beat her before, and that she returned to him, showed that she has low self esteem, and the fact that she returned to him, again shows her lack of self esteem and self confidence, and I am convinced that the next time round, the damage will be worse, and may end her life. The next time he may very well go further. There is no limit to the violence of these narcissistic so called ‘lovers’.

You are so right! Your view was the same as mine and I told this to my husband on Saturday morning when I read this dreadful story. They both should be in Counseling! Since she is a roll model and influences so many young woman around the world, she should tell the world she will work with Chris Brown only under the condition that they seek help separately. This is a disaster that will happen again and again. You are right Dr. Ablow, many murder cases start out like this. Tragic that these 2 young people don’t have healthy people around them to help them. Even their marketing people are not that smart! If their marketing people publicized they were both getting help, their ratings would soar. These stars are no different then us. They will make mistakes and get into trouble. Let’s just hope not behind bars for life.

She is stuiped He can hurt her again.

I totally agree with Dr Ablow’s assessment. I thing I want to add is that with abusive men, it is not necessarily seen only from physical hitting. I think that is the last stage.

I had been with men that are abusive psychologically, mentally and emotionally. They exhibit the same behavior – “abuse-remorse-more abuse” cycle. Each time, I took them back after they said they are sorry, and each next, it got worse. They never stopped their behavior. One of them even started moving towards physical abuse. It took me a very long time to realize these people I’ve dated not only have personality disorder but most of them harbor deep resentment against women. The scary part is you will never be able to tell that initially looking at them or just knowing them superficially.

It also make me take a hard look at myself why I allowed the relationship to go on after the first sign of abuse. However, I have to say it was far easier to recognize physical abuse than mental and emotional abuse.

I feel so very bad for Rihanna because she is in love but she doesn’t really understnad that people like Brown are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. Brown definitely does not love Rihanna, and deep down, she probably knows that – just like all those battered women out there. It takes a real coward of a man to hit a woman and with his fists! The real fear is that other kids around the world will look at this episode and feel justified when they beat up their partners. Brown may not turn out to be an OJ but he will beat up beautiful women, Rihanna included, again and again. Let’s hope this doesn’t end quite so tragically.

I totally agree with Dr Ablow’s assessment. I thing I want to add is that with abusive men, it is not necessarily seen only from physical hitting. I think that is the last stage.

I had been with men that are abusive psychologically, mentally and emotionally. They exhibit the same behavior – abuse-remorse-more abuse cycle. Each time, I took them back after they said they are sorry, and each next, it got worse. They never stopped their behavior. One of them even started moving towards physical abuse. It took me a very long time to realize these people I’ve dated not only have personality disorder but most of them harbor deep resentment against women. The scary part is you will never be able to tell that initially looking at them or just knowing them superficially.

It also make me take a hard look at myself why I allowed the relationship to go on after the first sign of abuse. However, I have to say it was far easier to recognize physical abuse than mental and emotional abuse.

To compare rihanna’s decision to return to Chris Brown with the actions of Lindsay Lohan and Brittney Spears demonstrates the overt, yet unstated atmosphere of Racism surrounding the FOX(FAUX)brand. With respects to the Brown/Rihanna situation, no concrete statement of the facts has been given to the general public. While I don’t condone domestic violence, I also cannot stomach yet another man of color persecuted in the court of public opinion without his day in court. What we can ascertain is that the two had a terrible fight.We do not know what about, who initiated the contact, what was said,etc. Yet Dr, Ablow is ready to end the career of both YOUNG adults with a rant on her responsibility towards young girls and his anger and possible drug abuse issues(WTF). But he is out of order when he says that her actions are worse than Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Brittney(America’s sweetheart) has stolen another woman’s man, had children out of wedlock, driven with her children in her lap, shaven her head for publicity, gone to rehab, shew i’m exhausted.And you know there is more. Her counterpart Lohan is equally wild, with a longer history of debauchery. Im not condeming these ladies for past transgressions. But their history of fault is much more extensive and yet Fox news chooses to crucify Rihanna and Chris for a lone incident in which all the facts have yet to be hammered out.

Very well-thought-out blog post.

Sad to say, returning to their abuser is a pattern repeated over-and-over again by victims of abusers. NONE of them seem to get it.

And, one of the most important things they don’t get is that, by returning they are not only telling their abuser that they will accept abuse; they are allowing the abuser to avoid getting treatment. And they are risking that children (potential future children, in this case) will follow in their parent’s footsteps and become victims/abusers.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a boyfriend/husband who has impulse control/drug/alcohol issues is to leave him — until he successfully completes treatment.

I, for one, have always advised my daughter and her friends that if a man ever raises a hand to them it should be his first , last, and only opportunity to do so.
If Rihanna and her father aren’t wise enough to boycott this beast, then the rest of us should. The same for “Diddy” too, as he helped facilitate this egregious example for our young people. EVERY PERSON OF CONSCIENCE should NEVER AGAIN SPEND ONE MORE PENNY on these fools. Misogyny has no place in this day and age. If these so-called artists wish to behave like cavemen, then let them live in a cave, without a dime to their name!!!

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED, SHE MAY HAVE ATTACKED HIM AND HE WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF. THE PICTURES MEAN NOTHING W/O CONTEXT.

this article rings so true in every way. i was lucky enough to have gotten out of the same kind of situation after years of broken promises to straighten up. every incident got more and more violent – until i left – which was very hard to do. now i’m married to a wonderful and gentile loving man I deserve nothing less, and the same goes for everyone else who’s faced this type of abuse.

How ridiculous. A bunch of idiots speaking about stuff they know nothing about. Trying to vilify Chris Brown when you don’t even know ALL the facts of what happened. Good old media, guilty until proven innocent. Grab your pitchforks! Let’s get the abuser!!

Here’s a news flash for you. COUPLES FIGHT. Sometimes it can get crazy. Women are just as capable as going off as men. And most men start off in a full defensive mode just trying to deflect shots and generally keep from being injured themselves. But it’s not easy. You must deflect, dodge, and make peace all while someone is flailing against you uncontrollably and without regard for your well being. And in this case in the confined space of an automobile no less!!

You don’t know if she bit, hit, scratched, punched or generally was completely out of control. Women do do that you know. They are not all little saints that cower in a corner when an argument flares up. All you have is a picture of a woman with minor scrapes and one lump on her head. Could have come from anything during an all out skirmish. Her lip does not appear to be split and you can’t confirm if that is her blood on her lips from biting her tongue or his blood from her biting him.

Basically you know none of the facts but you are passing judgment already. Bravo for Chris & Rihanna for not letting you yahoos ruin their lives with your nonsense. It’s none of YOUR business what THEY do with THEIR lives!

Rhianna’s desire to take back her bruising boyfriend can’t be identified in simple terms. Matters that involve the heart are hard to deal with even if the mind is saying “NO MORE”
She is old enough to make her own decisions but where matters of the heart and mind are concerned, she’s still very young.
I’m certain her advise to any of her friends or family members that might go through this, would be, to leave.
But we’re all good at giving advise and not taking it. I don’t know Rhianna personally nor do I listen to her music. But I do see her on tv and know the name and she appears to be a lovely young woman. Don’t label her for having a kind and misdirected heart, we all make mistakes.
Rhianna just needs to learn to love herself first and foremost. I promise you Rhianna and this guy will not last because there will be another heated argument at the very least. How he responds may trigger fear and most likely will so the clock is already ticking for their eventual permanent separation. Just hope it doesn’t cost her another trip the hospital, or worse.
But I believe she is smart enough and will figure it out.

Dr. Keith Rocks,

I read his book “Living The Truth”, and I am now living the truth.
Sadly my husband was just put on misdemeanor 90 days house arrest, and 6 months probation for three domestic violations against me. I am 62 and he is 53, and he almost had a felony as I am a senior. He will now go for domestic abuse classes, aa for his recovery, he has been sober for a year. He is making progress.

But I did not now wne I married him that he had abused others in the pasr, but never got caught or prosecuted, cause they forgave him, like Rihanna.

I want to reunite with him, he almost died in Nov from e-coli and iI realized in that hospital how much he meant to me. , watching him struggle for his life. I nursed him back to health, home IV , etc. He is a good man , behaving badly and is in therapy now. I have faith. A marriage vow is in sickness and in health.

I respect Dr. Keith so much, his book gave me the courage to stand up for myself.I also attend domestic violence counseling.

Your article says it all… Rihanna is setting such a bad example by this. I am happy to say that as the mother of three gorgeous girls, my husband & I have taught them enough self-respect that they would never put up with anything like this. Our eldest had a boyfriend who just barely began to treat her abusively….and he was gone so fast he left skidmarks! I was so proud of her…she knows from my husband & I that a marriage is based on mutual respect even more than love. We never ever call names, get physical, or tell each other to “shut up” in our household. Never. I wish that every home could have the peace that ours does…

As a former abused woman, I understand where she is coming from. It’s hard for women to escape becuase they tend to stand up for their abusers. NOT saying it’s right, BUT it is usually what happens. It’s very hard to leave, no matter how much you have been abused. Only women who have been abused unstand the difficulty. They both need help, serious help. But the sad truth is that he will always be this way more than likely, and it will take something far more worse than what he did to her for her to leave. And he is right about the murder cases starting this way, I mean, look at OJ Simpson! They had pictures of Nicole bruised and bloody and was he ever convicted? NO! And then he killed her. It’s sad to me, now that I am free of that life to watch toher women go thru it. I know what its like being on the inside and being abused. But now I know how life can be without an abusive man. I go to therapy because I have PTSD, but my life is wonderful now. But it took me 3 years to leave my ex who abused me, and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. How Chris abuses her is affecting her judgment and emotions, and in her mind, he does deserve a second chance. In her mind, he had every right to hit her because she has convinced herself that she started it and egged him on. Pray for her to find strength, that’s all anyone can do.

This article does not strike me as professional. Why do you find the need to attack Rihanna’s father? Like the rest of us, you barely know anything about Rihanna and her father and you certainly don’t understand their relationship. Unlike most of our daughters Rihanna is in the public eye and does not need her father piling on with the rest of us. Perhaps his private conversations with her are a bit different than what he finds necessary to detail to the media. As a father, it does not surprise me that he would make public statements to show his support for his daughter at a time like this. First she gets beat up by her boyfriend and now the media wants to beat her up too. Shame on Chris Brown for hitting her and shame on the media for their continued beating of her.

Maybe they get it and we don’t. We are so hypocritical. We haven’t recieved all the evidence of the case. Let’s worry about our own demons! It’s easy to point at the problems of others in order to hide our own.

Sounds like the new Whitney and Bobby

Hope it ends in a mushroom clound. Who cares about these losers. This isn’t news.

This article does not strike me as professional. Why do you find the need to attack Rihanna’s father? Like the rest of us, you barely know anything about Rihanna and her father and you certainly don’t understand their relationship. Unlike most of our daughters Rihanna is in the public eye and does not need her father piling on with the rest of us. Perhaps his private conversations with her are a bit different than what he finds necessary to detail to the media. As a father, it does not surprise me that he would make public statements to show his support for his daughter at a time like this. First she gets beat up by her boyfriend and now the media wants to beat her up too. Shame on Chris Brown for beating her and shame on the media for continuing to beat her up.

It’s going to get worse. I escaped a bad relationship many many years ago. I thought I could change him. The last straw (after many beatings) was him choking me in front of our friends my senior year of high school. I had to drop modeling and commercial jobs periodically because I couldn’t hide the bruises. I blamed it on basketball games etc. I finally left him and never looked back. I can say that when I hear a Chris Brown song I get a bad taste in my mouth. That taste is blood. Somehow it triggers a memory of that taste in my mouth. When I hear his songs I change the radio so fast. Her father should beat the crude out of him and see how he likes it. One part of me feels sorry for her because she is blind and in love. Or at least she thinks she is in love. She’s going to try and change him, or so she thinks. The other part of me says, “Oh Well”. Better her than me. I did my time. I am happily married with 2 great boys. My husband is the kindest sweetest person I ever met. I waited 5yrs before we got married. I wanted to make sure there were no skeletons in his closet. I even pushed a few buttons to see what would happen. As of today we have gotten in a handful of arguements and he has never raised a hand to me or our boys. I had a police officer friend check him out top to bottom, inside and out. All clear! We are no going on our 14 wedding anniversary.

Another OJ & Nicole in the making. Her police evidence photo looks exactly like Nicole’s. The one and only time I was ever hit, a wise counselor told me that an abuser ALWAYS tells you what he is going to do and how he is going to treat you. Bewarned and RUN Rihanna, no one will fault you for taking care of yourself.

I belive that there alwasy more to it then what we know on the outside. NO one and i come to say that NO ONE knows what realy happen and it is not in our right to say what is what. we our all lokking so down on Chris and saying so much of how bad a person he is when all along we need to look Rihanna also we were not in that car nore wear we there that night. i feel that if they want to work things out between them we should behind them people ess up no one is the best in this world. Rihanna is not a bad person by goin back to the one she loves but however she realy needs to make shur that she let the women young or older know that it will be a change in there relationship and they both need to seek out help, but if were are truly big fans of Chris and Rihanna we would help them and stand behind them,not talked down on them and hurt them and say this and that about them……

Dr. Keith-

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us about abuse and its effects on the psyche of the abuser and the abused. As a pastor, I encounter abuse all too frequently in counseling that I do in my church.

I was the pastor who counseled Stacy & Drew Peterson. If I can help just one woman escape Stacy’s fate, I will feel blessed. We all carry our families-of-origin around with us in our interactions as adults. That means that what a girl’s father tells her about herself is exactly what she will take into her intimate relationships. If her father didn’t tell her that she was beautiful and worth fighting for, then she will typically giver herself to men who reinforce her negative view of herself.

Parents—FIGHT for your children. What you tell them and show them today is what they will turn into as adults. We have an incredible responsibility.

Neil Schori

I’ve been in her shoes as have many others. Maybe diva Tina Turner can give her some advice!

Well I think we need to stop putting this in the media then. And when it does happen again (and it will) then we should just turn our backs on both of them and simply just stop buying their CD’s and stop going to their concerts. Once one person hits the other person it will continue.

Everything Dr. Keith Ablow says is correct. Very sad.

COMMON MYTHS AND WHY THEY ARE WRONG

No one deserves to be abused. Period. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser.
Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.

ALCOHOL, DRUG ABUSE, STRESS, AND MENTAL ILLNESS CAESE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
Alcohol use, drug use, and stress DO NOT cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often say they use these excuses for their violence. Generally, domestic violence happens when an abuser has learned and chooses to abuse. Domestic violence is RARELY caused by mental illness, but it is often used as an excuse for domestic violence.

IF IT WERE THAT BAD SHE WOULD JUST LEAVE:
There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victim want to be abused.
Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave.

COMMON MYTHS AND WHY THEY ARE WRONG

No one deserves to be abused. Period. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser.
Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.

ALCOHOL, DRUG ABUSE, STRESS, AND MENTAL ILLNESS CAESE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
Alcohol use, drug use, and stress DO NOT cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often say they use these excuses for their violence. Generally, domestic violence happens when an abuser has learned and chooses to abuse. Domestic violence is RARELY caused by mental illness, but it is often used as an excuse for domestic violence.

IF IT WERE THAT BAD SHE WOULD JUST LEAVE:
There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victim want to be abused.
Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave.

While I do agree that some battered women often return to the abuser for love, I’m not sure if this is the case with Rihanna and Chris Brown. Collectively, noone has the “true” story. And while I don’t support men hitting women, I do want to give Chris the “benefit” of the doubt. Ask yourself, do we outcast “sex offenders”? Would Chris and Rihanna be such a conversation about abuse if they were not celebrities? Wake up America, and educate our youth (men and women) ongoingly about domestic abuse and proactively engage in legislative laws to protect our children from sex offenders.

That is just awful……I know from experience (my mom was a battered woman) if they hit you once, they will continue to hit you. He grew up in that sort of enviroment and knows nothing else. God help her….next time she might not be so lucky

Josh and Brentwood Bob…it’s ok to hit a woman huh? You hit your significant other? Your type prey on women and anyone else that you can take advantage of.

Chris Brown crucified himself when he hit her and left her on the side of the road. The cops found her that’s what we know. It doesn’t take a village idiot to see what happened here.

Yet even more proof to the ignorance of women and incredible lack of class in popluar hip hop culture.

RHI MAY NOT UNDERSTAND NOW..BUT THE NEXT TIME…AND THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME…WHEN CHRIS BREAKS HER LIMBS…OR PUTS OUT AN EYE OR WORSE…SHE’LL GET THE MESSAGE!

I hate that the answer is always just walk away from the relationship and leave this guy out there to do it to another female. If you love someone, you love them unconditionally–that doesn’t mean you tolerate their behavior, but you help them get on the right path. She shouldn’t be back with him until he’s completed a program to better himself: anger management, therapy/counseling, detox, what ever he needs to get his anger under wraps. This is too soon. Who knows though, maybe that is whats going on, we’re not clued into all of their business.

SHE HAS VERY VERY VERY LOW-SELF STEEM! PERHAPS HER FATHER HITS HER TOO!!

To JJ, who commented on this story, and wants to reunite with her abusive husband: Not one but THREE documented assaults against you!! I know you don’t want to hear it, but I BEG you to reconsider your decision. Like Dr. Keith’s articles says, by you reuniting with your abusive husband, you’re giving him a message that all the abuse is ok. You may be completely convinced that he is making progress, but he WILL abuse you again! Please believe that! I can tell you’re a kind and compassionate woman; one who deserves a much better man than he is capable of being! Yes, you may have vowed to stay with him in sickness and in health, but he blatantly broke his vow to love, honor and cherish you, so it’s ok for you to go and make a far better life for yourself, guilt-free! Please at least consider it! Once you do, it will open doors you never knew existed – trust me on this one! Life is short – you deserve so much more!

She has very very very low self-steem! Perhaps her father hits her too!!!!

Reading through these posts I am appalled at some of the comments defending this situation. You’re right, innocent until proven guilty; however it’s obvious that something happened causing her to have physical markings all over her face. No matter who started it – no matter if she was the one that began the fight – he had the option of walking away. And for the one post that suggests he is being persecuted b/c of race – ludicrous. I was taught by my parents that if anyone, no matter race, gender, etc. ever laid a finger on me it would only happen once. And I fully intend to pass that on to my daughters. I would argue they both have set a terrible example for young people. You work out your problems in a non-violent manner & if violence becomes unavoidable you walk away – permanently – period.

I have heard that he has attacked her car/windshield before while they were in Barbados. Since Barbados doesn’t have many paps, it was not widely reported. She was in the car at the time he was hitting it with some object. I don’t know if this has ever been confirmed though.

Okay Mr. Journalist,
First of all you clearly haven’t been in a situation anywhere near similar to this one. By the way you write you sound like a 40 year old virgin. (40 at the least)
Second, Rihanna is 21, not 19.
And third, where do you get off criticizing her, her family, her decisions, and Chris when you have no personal knowledge of the incident or these people’s personal lives?
Let her do what she wants, clearly it wasn’t as bad as everyone thought if she’s already back with him.

If you want to do something about abusive relationships, why don’t you get up and act on it instead of writing fabricated stories online to get attention?

Wow. Very good Josh. Everyone needs to read “Josh’s” article. Very nice and very true!! You all know nothing about the situation!

Your so right. Now that she has went back to him, she has opened up a can of worms. This is where the deadly pattern continues…once a woman goes back to a man that beats her the first time, then she is pretty much in for it.
Unless, he seeks counseling of some sort. Personally, I think the only help for both of them is, God.
I pray everything turns out ok and they get their lives together.

First off, none of you know the whole story, just rumors and heresay from the paparazzi…so keep your opinions of how he is as a person to yourself! It was already discovered that the supposed “pictures” of her were photoshopped…so whos to say that he was the one that actually beat her up?! It could have been another woman that got in a fight with her or another man and he was just caught in the middle of it…NOBODY KNOWS! and she hasnt even said that he hit her…so the basis of this story is…STFU!

Enough is enough with this stupid banter by all of you pseudo, psycho analyst’s. You don’t even know the facts of the case, yet you have this guy heading for the gallows. Stop for one moment and put yourself, or one of your family members in his shoes, then read these comments and tell me how you’d feel. Doesn’t feel that great, does it? For all we know she may have thrown the first blows with ringed fingers, scratched him like a feral cat, poked him in the eyes like Moe from the three stooges, bit him like Mike Tyson and punched him like the character from a famous fruity beverage, from Hawaii. Let the man have his day in court and she fells that she wants to be with him for the rest of her life, so be it. The last time I checked we Americans still possess the freedom to choose who we want to spend our time with, whether it be Chris or Charlie Brown.

Hate to say this but no complaining when it happens again…because IT WILL happen again

Everyone talks about how young and naive Rihanna is, but Chris is just as young. I will not call her returning to Chris a mistake unless she/he have not learned from their mistake. I don’t have a clue what went on in that car and I don’t condone violence male or female. Typical American justice crucify first and then wonder why some never recover. Let’s hold back judgement until the story is played out. Who knows maybe there is such a thing as second chances. I was afforded such after making my own mistakes as a youth.

Chris Brown will do or say anything, whatever it takes, to keep Rihanna from testifying against him in a court of law…

She should be terrified of even being in the same room with him. She is young and “in love” and her Dad is an enabler. How sad, she’s destined to being a perpetual victim – her choice. Shame on you “Dad” you could stop this insanity not go along with it.

Rihanna, have you lost your mind? The next time you won’t be so lucky. How can you possibly forgive a man that hurt you. God forbid if you ever have children with this monster!!! Next will be the children. I have lost all respect for you. Good luck, you will need it.

I am astounded by the idiocy of some of the responses here. Couples fight? Race card? Give me a freaking break. Yes, couples fight, but couples don’t beat each others faces in. Race card? Yes, Brown is black but he is also a man who beat the crap out of his girlfriend. I don’t care if she hit him first, he clearly crossed a line doing what he did. No excuse. Nice try to deflect the issue.

The good Dr. is spot on, and it’s a shame so many people on here are pathetic enough to ignore the fact that she got her face pounded in.

If it is truth that they are back together I am very disappointed. I thought she was smarter than to get back with a man that dared put his hands on her. She is letting her fans know that it is okay to be abused by a man that supposedly loves you. I think she is sending the wrong message to many young women in America. She obviously doesn’t have a good self-esteem. It is very sad.

There’s a reason why it’s called “battered woman syndrome”. Most of the victims think one or more of the following: they did something to somehow deserve the beating, they can “help” the abuser, or they fear the abuser (sometimes rightfully so). Sometimes they believe the abuser will find them and kill them even if they leave. In this case, both are surrounded by so many people most of the time, that scenario is probably less likely. Let’s hope Rhianna doesn’t let a man bring her all the way down as Bobby Brown did to Whitney Houston. Only Rhianna can stop this, but in the meantime she is putting herself in danger and setting a horrible example for othe abuse victims. No matter who did what to who, there is NEVER a good reason for a man to hit a woman. Unfortunately, I wasn’t surprised that she went back to him. This is usually what happens. I am willing to bet this is not the first time she has been abused by CB.

BS…..she is at least partially to blame for the incident….but women are NEVER held accountable for their actions, only MEN. He should boot the spoiled bit** to the curb, and find a responsible woman.
It is still sexism if you are bigoted toward men, and it is racism to be bigoted towards white people.
But, alas, victims love to wallow in it, and PC stupidity reigns….this article proves it. The more things
“change” blah blah blah

I think we need to reserve this kind of analysis until all the facts are disclosed. I agree that no one deserves the kind of abuse that’s been described about Rihanna but I can’t help but wonder: What if Chris was defending himself?

Some women are just as abusive as men. I know of too many men who are now being abused by women. Yet we never hear about it because what man wants to admit that he’s being beaten by a woman?!

Let’s wait and reserve opinions and advice until the “truth” is revealed.

Just a thought…..

Josh, you are right that we do not know the details of what happened. Maybe she did yell at him or provoke him in some way. But if you honestly think that entitles him to beat her, you are just as sick as he is. I don’t think her picture constitutes “minor” injuries. Her eyes and lips are swollen, there is blood on her face, and a swollen welt on her forehead.

I have volunteered at a non-profit foundation for victims of domestic violence for 2 years now and have seen so many similar situations. It’s not about “couples fighting” like you say. It’s about power and control. The sad truth is that many women cannot seem to leave these situations. On average, it takes 7 or 8 tries. They truly think that their boyfriend/husband loves them and “didn’t mean it”.

I think it’s completely ridiculous that Rihanna’s father has condoned her reconciliation with Chris Brown. What kind of loving father would be OK with his daughter going back to the a**hole who beat her so badly? As Dr. Ablow mentions, maybe this is part of her problem. When people do not respect you, you have no reason to respect yourself. I feel for Rihanna but think she is making a terrible mistake. Hopefully she doesn’t have to pay with her life.

Basically you know none of the facts but you are passing judgment already. Bravo for Chris & Rihanna for not letting you yahoos ruin their lives with your nonsense. It’s none of YOUR business what THEY do with THE

I have a friend who’s kids have moved out of the house just to get away from the constant arguing. I have walked away from the closeness of our friendship telling her I can’t watch you walk in front of the train again. It is too hard. I will never understand how or why abused people contiune to go back.. it is so sad and such a waste..

wow..okay, so what if she went back to him? for all we know, she caused the whole situation. the media has totally blown this out of of the water. let them live their lives and work things out.

blah, blah blah, woman gets the S beat out of her and goes right back for more. Where is the news here?

Brentwood Bob

Not every comment made about a black person racist. You sound more like a racist in your rant, the defense of one’s actions just because they are black is racist. The comments by Dr Ablow are true and stated in an intelligent manner, unlike your comments that make no sense and show your lack of intelligence.

I am a survivor of domestic abuse and this story really hit home for me. It took me YEARS of intense counseling to change my views of myself in order to break the cycle. I am now a strong, independent, well-educated businesswoman who knows how to stand up for myself. I hope that Rihanna can also learn this so she can be a public role model for change. We should not just be asking ourselves why she returned to him, but also why our society allows this behavior to continue. No one, man or woman, should cause bodily injury to another person – period.

All this is is a calculated ploy to get Rihanna from testifying against him in court. That’s all this is. He’s thinking about his career first and foremost. Watch, in 3 to 4 months, he’ll dump her for another woman, and she’ll feel like a complete idiot and be humiliated again in public.

There was another post suggesting this is a step back for American culture. I’d just like to add to that saying taking much of any behaviour from representatives of the entertainment industry seriously is a step back for American culture. There are a few sane individuals running around but not enough to reliably be able to pick a role model. They will go on beating each other up, throwing tantrums over issues upon which they are poorly educated, and going back to rehab for the 11th time. See the movies, listen to the music, don’t count on them to be worth-while human beings.

Don’t know the facts blah racism blah she was asking for it blah, blah, blah.

The fact is that whoever started the fight, Rihanna’s the one whose face ended up bruised, bloody and swollen. Chris Brown ran away without injury. There’s never an excuse for beating your partner. Chris Brown may be young. He may have had a hard life. Rihanna might have been screaming at him. It doesn’t matter. When you raise your hand, you’ve gone too far and he needs to face the consequences of his actions.

That’s what’s wrong with society these days – no one wants to take any responsibility for what they do. We teach our kids that if they’re pretty or talented that they’re entitled to get whatever they want, do whatever they want. We have role models like Chris Brown beating up his girlfriend, and her going back to him because she’s a fool. We’ve got people like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian using bedroom videos to get press time. Here’s a novel idea, maybe we could get back to teaching children morals and that if you hurt someone there’s a price to pay for it?

Dr. Ablow – well written. For those of you defending Mr. Brown’s actions, or saying we don’t know the whole story – no, we don’t. BUT unless she had a gun on him, I have a hard time believing he had ANY justification for hitting Rihanna. For one thing, he’s at least twice her size. I have seen so many women (and on rare occasion, men) return again and again to their abusers, mostly from the fear that there is no one else for them. And to Brentwood Bob, I don’t care what color this guy is, he could be a pink and green striped Martian with purple spots, he still had no right to strike a girl half his size – I am sick to death of guys getting a pass, because he’s black, or he’s Latino, or his white trash mama was cruel to him. Grow up and grow a pair and grow a spine. Maturity means being the bigger person. If your relationship is so bad that you’re getting hit, get out. If he hit you once, he will do it again. No one is worth that kind of grief.

To Brentwood Bob,

I think Dr. Ablow is saying is that the public is so used to the debauchery of Britney (no longer America’s Sweetheart, more like America’s Jester) and Lindsay that no one pays attention anymore– lets face it, it would take a miracle to get either career on track. The dangerous thing about Rihanna’s situation is that a relationship so abusive has not been seen in the limelight by the current young generation before. Despite whether it’s appropriate or not, many of her fans (and of Mr. Brown’s as well) are probably in their young to mid teens, and are probably female. Yes this is a single lone incident. Yes, we don’t know the circumstances, and we don’t know who started that fight. But using physical force on someone you claim to “love” is NEVER Okay. By Rihanna returning to him she is practically endorsing abusive relationships. She could have sent such a strong message to her young and impressionable fans by cutting Chris Brown out of her life. She would not only have saved herself for what I’m sure are future abuses, but would have encouraged these young teens to break away from their own possible abusive relationships. This is NOT Fox being racist, as you so accuse them of. This is about an unfortunate incident involving two clearly psychologically unhealthy people in a universal situation. Abusive relationships don’t know demographics.

In agreement with JustCurious, NONE of us know what really happened. I find it “odd” that the police don’t have enough evidence to charge Brown if something really happened.
What we do know, “friends” of Rhianna say she can be an in your face type person. We KNOW that Brown got a text from Paris Hilton which set Rhianna off! Brown has said NOTHING in his defense except that he’s sorry for the incident but makes no excuses.
Let me offer a plausible scenario that fits with the forgivenss and no charges in this case.
Brown is driving, gets text, R gets upset and tries to take the phone or attacks B while he’s driving. He bites her to get her off since his hands are tied up. He hits the brakes and Rhianna slams into the dash? They they get out and he leaves her due to the fight.
Now, why I think it’s plausible. Bite marks are usually defensive. If R’s arms are going across him as he’s driving, he could have bit her to get her to quit. Secondly, the marks on R’s forhead are too symetrical to be human blows, maybe something in the car and the same slam could account for the busted lip. If things were getting out of hand, Brown could have forced her out and left her.
These are some things to think about. Not a fan of either but there’s alot of info missing and that doesn’t make sense. As a woman who has face abuse and pressed charges, I do NOT condone it but this situation seems a little off. I hear there’s an investigation into R’s picture being released.

I’m sure Rihanna is completely innocent in the whole matter.
She is a control freak and obsessive and got what she deserved.

Well said, amphil. But my feeling is Brentwood Bob is probably a cowardly abuser himself who sees himself in Brown. I am a proud black African and find it embarassing when people post such idiotic comments. People like Brown and his kind as sociopaths who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. He absolutely does not love Rihanna and I feel really bad for her cos she’s made probably the worst mistake of her life. It’s all to do with self-esteem, lack of confidence and good old fashioned love.

By saying Rihanna “doesn’t get it” you are blaming her for the abuse. There is only one person who is at fault for the abuse and that is alleged abuser, Chris Brown.

The average domestic violence victim takes 7 tries to finally leave her (his) abuser for good. It is hard enough for a woman to make the decision to finally leave for good without blaming them for all the failed tries.

Instead of blame, she needs help and encouragement. She needs to know people will be there for her when she does decide to leave. She does not need questioning of her decisions right now. Because you know who is not questioning her decision — Chris Brown. Why should the abuser be the most supportive person in her life right now?

I’m amazed how the Dr. can sum up not only, Chris’ issues, but Rhianna and her father’s as well. Interesting in that, I’m sure the Dr. had lost his temper a time or two…especially, when provoked. He won’t tell us any of that though…he’ll simply sit behind his computer and type “his” thoughts about what “he” thinks the issue/problem is.

Could it be that Chris was provoked; and instead of reacting in an inhuman way (passive), he reacted in a humanly way; reacting to a stimuli?

Could it be that the womens lib. movement was about making things 50/50, and now, 30+ years later, it’s now 80/20; and Chris, like most men, are fed up with a woman being able to stand in the place/face of man, talk crazy to a man, slap a man, act as if she were a man, and expect to then simply walk away as a woman?

xoxo
ralston

Truer words were never spoke Doc.
I pray that he doesn’t kill her and I pray that the impressionable young women who admire her don’t fall into her way of thinking.
It’s so frustrating that they don’t understand that it’s NEVER ok.

Let me get this straight!!!!!

You all are saying things like “…we don’t know what really happened…” At the same time, you all are ready to brand this young man as an “abuser?” WHAT?????? Are you kidding me?

WE WERE NOT THERE!!!

Dr. Ablow….(if you are a real one)….this article is hanging this young man without knowledge of WHAT REALLY HAPPENED!

People are putting their own spin on this through their personal experiences, what they have learned in OTHER situations, and what they hear. LEAVE YOUR PERSONAL ‘OPINIONS’ ABOUT THIS YOUNG MAN OUT OF YOUR JUDGEMENTS. Like one of the bloggers posted on here “….he could’ve defended himself from an attack by her….” WE DON’T KNOW!

Who are we to judge? They are two talented people who wound up in a terribly unfortunate situation. I’m a huge fan of both of them, and I don’t feel that Rihanna is a terrible influence for young women everywhere. Shame on you for saying that. I think they love eachother and it’s none of our concern what they do. They’re CELEBRITIES not our friends. Remember that before you pass judgement. We should be praying for these young people to get it together not prey on them for falling on thier faces. They’ve got some growing up to do, and I think it’s probably way harder doing it in the public eye.

We should BOYCOTT Chris Brown and Rihanna. Stop buying their albums at Wal-mart and Target. Stop going to their concerts. They are both promoting domestic violence and this can’t be tolerated. They influence too many of our young people. The insanity needs to stop.

Didn’t she learn anything from watching Whitney Houston throw her life away for love in an abusive relationship.

I think it is very hard for anyone to say what she should or should not be doing, none of even know this young man or lady, none of us know exctly what happened that night, true he should not have put his hands on her but she should not have put her hands on him either. I know as a victim of domestic abuse all the pain and everything that comes along with that type of relationship and after I stayed and stayed again I realized what I was doing to myself and my daughter, it took a lot of strength to leave, it was however the best decision for her and I and in the end Rhianna will make the best decision for herself.

Ok, first I in no way, agree, condone or understand what or why Chris Brown did what he did to Rihanna. I do know that none of us actually know the extent of this relationship other then what the media has told us. I don’t think Rihanna should take him back and all should be forgiven, but I think anyone who has ever been in love can understand that love isn’t as black as white as we would like it to be. I don’t think Chris Brown has ever portrayed himself with the “bad boy” image or negatively in the media that we are being so dependent on now so I think we should back off a little bit and let Rihanna and Chris Brown make their own ADULT decisions. If Rihanna chooses to take him back, and with much NEEDED help between the two of them, who knows how things will turn out. I just don’t think it’s fair to write someone off immediately after an incident. Please remember I am in NO WAY sticking up for Chris Brown…I can just say I understand their situation and how there is no simple answer when it comes to love.

I predicted they would get back together. This is why…
There are a lot of people that make a lot of money off of both Rhianna and Chris B.
If she forgives him, eventually we will.
I bet she was MADE to forgive him. It’s a PR stunt. And it’s a shame.
In time we’ll see how happy they are. We’ll buy Chris’s records again and then they will part when the storm is over. They are in Hollywood land. Relationships work different in Hollywood…

This article is completely wrong.
1). It tries to portray Chris Brown as a “violent man who has proven he can’t control his destructive impulses”. What other incidents has he been involved in? More so, it implies that Chris Brown is a repeat offender and “More likely, there have been other episodes of uncontrolled rage in his life and that there will be more”
2). You mistake Rihanna’s support for Chris as “playing with fire”. You make it seem like she is quick to forget the past and willing to be abuse. She obviously cares about him and will support him through this rough period. Instead you write: “For a man like him, it unconsciously gives him license to strike out at her again”
3). You make it seem like Chris has not learned his lesson and “actually deprives him of learning that his disorder can cost him things he cares about”. I am sure he feels shame, guilt, and suffer public embarrassment, along with a blow to his music career. You feel thats not enough punishment
4). The worst part is the last 2 sentences “I’ve testified in murder cases that started out just like this one. Let’s hope it doesn’t end as badly.” You are now implying that he is going to kill her?
Dr. Keith, you are being completely negative. You know Chris Brown can redeem himself and cope with “any demons that might have led him to turn his self-hatred into a clenched fist”. Writing like this makes me see right through you. As sensationalizing and dramatizing this incident. You sir should be ashame

She needs to get out and realize things won’t get better. I hope she builds the courage to leave him. Love, respect and have courage in yourself. When you have that, the courage will be natural. Whatever made her go back with him, is definitely not love. Just remember you may not get a next time, don’t become a statistic but rather a voice for other women/men going through this same thing. When that day happens, she will re-gain my respect.

Women beaters deserve to be put in general population of a federal pen.

So, Chris Brown was simply driving along, and then he decided to beat her?

The notion itself, is funny…and the reality of that, is hysterical.

If I’m in a bar…drinking, talking noise to a man who’s 6′8″ 300 lbs (I’m 6′2 225)…and he asks me, then tells me, to shut my mouth…if for whatever reason (pride, friends, women watching) I don’t take his advice, his warning, or whatever…how would I blame him for leaving me beaten and swollen, when I kept on talking, provoking him? Wouldn’t common sense tell me to just leave it alone, chill…knowing that dude can snap me like a toothpick? How about the signs at the zoo that says, “Don’t tease the Animals, etc.”? Or what about as a child, you learn to leave bees and wasps alone, and they’ll leave you alone???

At what point does society began to teach women that having your say is fine and dandy, but assuming the role of a man, isn’t?

xoxo
ralston

To brentwood bob..you are an idiot . What the hell does Fox News have to do with the fact this man, Chris Brown, obviously beat Rihanna up? Get a clue.

No one will ever really know what started the fight, but you don’t have to have a judge and jury to inform you that they had a physical fight. He has many issues for raising his hand to another human being, but her and her father have bigger issues. His for standing up for her and backing her decision to possibly go back to him and her for being so stupid she would even consider going back to him. I have children who had followed their careers. I can bet you they won’t be watching their videos or buying any more of their music. I am proud that my daughter is thoroughly disgusted with this whole siutation and has written them off.

While I agree that domestic violence is wrong, all you commentors and the doc forget that Chris Brown is an 18 year old KID. A very rich and talented kid who by his own admission had a very bad role model in his stepfather in his own home growing up. And Rihanna isn’t much older herself. Let the both of them get some counceling and the tools to deal with GROWN UP problems and issues. Just because you are rich and famous doesn’t mean you know all it takes to make a relationship work, especially when you are still kids more or less.
If both of them don’t get the tools they need to deal with grown up issues, they deserve the b.s. that goes along with it…… It’s called life and all the money of the world doesn’t mean you can deal with life and all it’s trials and tribulations. If they learn a lesson from this, they will both be fine.

Rihanna is a woman first with her own issues that unfortunately has been made public by being a celebrity. It is unfair for you to expect her to be the poster child for domestic abuse just because she is famous. You can’t tell her that she has to make a personal decision based not on her own needs but for the public’s need. She can still speak out on domestic abuse later if she chooses but it’s still her life and she has to live with her decision not the public. God willing this will be the last incident and they both get the help they need, but a person can change. I stood by my ex-husband after 1 incident and with the proper help there were no additional incidents and we were married for 16 years (the divorce had nothing to do with abuse) and we continue to remain friends. You don’t give up on a drug addict or alcoholic especially if they are seeking assistance, Chris needs help to break the chain of violence and shouldn’t be written off as a horrible monster without first giving him the opportunity to get the help he needs. Yes what he did was wrong in every way possible, but give him a chance. There are only two people who knows exactly what transpired that day and if Rihanna can forgive him and he takes the appropriate actions to fix this problem then we as a public can’t tell them how to live their lives…Rihanna and Chris needs prayers not forced upon opinions, God Bless You Chris and Rihanna.

I don’t feel sorry for either of these fools.

He’s a pig who beats women – NICE. There’s not much more to say other than he will do it again because they always do. Then they always send nice gifts and say they are sorry. In the end though, they will never change. It’s their game and all their life’s woes can be blamed on a female. It makes being a failure much easier for them.

She’s an idiot for accepting the lame apology. She doesn’t even have the excuse of having children or no way to support herself. Not that I ever see these things as an excuse, it just may take a woman in those situations a bit longer to leave. One way or another any woman in an abusive relationship just needs to get out and keep her new residence address private as the most dangerous time with an abuser is right after you finally dump his sorry a$$.

Seriously though biting??? Who among you would take someone back if they just hit you, but biting??? That’s one for the books, this guy is a complete animal and the people who support him and make excuses for his BS behavior are no better.

Who even cares? Its there life. WHy does everybody have to microanalyze celebrity lives. All your discussion doesnt do a thing. So everybody just shut up. I am sick of everybody having all the counsel in the world for celebrities.

Ralston,

By the sound of your post, women should lay down and be door mats and never voice an opinion for fear of upsetting the almighty man. Get a life. Sounds like you would want to hit me for talking back to you now. Women were not placed on this earth to fulfill male’s every wish and the sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be.

Well, it had to happen … Someone has somehow related that this guy is only being persecuted for beating her because he’s black. GIVE US A BREAK ALREADY!!! Enough of this racizm cry-baby crap. The man beat her up and I really don’t think it’s being reported had a thing to do with race. I don’t know and I don’t peofess to know if she deserved it but she sure got a good one. Many people have been made to believe the saying that no man should ever hit a woman. Well, the truth is that no human should ever hit another human; however, since that isn’t the case here on planet Earth and since women are asking to be equals in every facet of life, if a woman insults, attacks, threatens a man to the point of his loss of control, should he do anyting differently than if a man had done it? Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hit women or men for that matter, but, after all, a woman can do anything a man can do” is what I’ve been hearing.

Rihanna and Chris are two young human beings who are dealing with raw emotions not trained psychologists and therefore I understand why they need to have a face to face. I do not wish to see Rihanna become bitter and continue to be angry. How sure are you that they have become lovers? Let them deal with the situation themselves because only they know what happened. A broken heart carries more pain than a forgiving heart.

Sounds like the lyrics of a 70’s song by The Kinks:

“One on the nose, and one on the chin.
You bruise so easily, so why stay with him.
Critics say you’ve got no excuse,
you keep running back just to get a little bit of abuse.”

They both need counseling.

As soon as I heard this story, I knew exactly how it was going to play out.  I was in a abusive relationship when I was Rihanna’s age.  I was very young, naive and I didn’t have a good role model in my father to know the difference.  From my own experience, I knew when this story came out that this was not the first incident of abuse.  I was always able myself to keep it a secret until it got so bad that my boyfriend didn’t care where we were and if anyone was watching…because…he was to enraged to care.  As always, I went back to my boyfriend time after time because he was always remorseful…and…I believed he truly loved me.  I feel that’s the same thing that happened here.  Friends and family would try to tell me that it was wrong and I deserved better but I believed my boyfriend instead.  In the end, rumors were starting that he was cheating on me as well which put my self esteem in a downward spiral.  Finally I lost everything and realized that he wasn’t worth it.  Now I am 37 and happily married to a wonderful man.

For Chris…his career should be over.  There is a price to pay for that behavior. As for Rihanna…it doesn’t matter what friends and family tell her because she is blinded by what she believes is love. She will have to make that decision herself and for herself of what is right or wrong. She had the support of everyone until she took him back. She will have to pay a price as well but how big of a price she will have to pay is up to her.

Wonderful article. What a stupid human to go back to that piece of dirt, and what a disgrace she is to do so. She should have a music boycoted or have her hugh sums of money she makes, dontated to WEAVE. What a disgrace to those who have suffered domestic violence and have gotten away from it, or those who did not have the change. Rihanna your a jerk.

coitada da Rihanna ela nao merecia isso

Gary’s comment is:

It’s so sad that some people are so hungry for “Friendship ” that they would hookup with some
one that might hurt them or even kill them in a moment of rage. I feel sorry for both the young
people as there life is just starting and making poor choices in friendship will ruin both their lives
for ever if they are not careful. I wish them well.

If it was self defense then there would be an extent, and the extent of her injuries does not provide self defense as a defense. I feel bad knowing that this will probably repeat it self.

What a way to sell more albums, “feel bad for me and send me the $$$”

I think you’ve all been misled. If you read between the lines the arrest report states that he is charged with assault/making threats to a woman but it didn’t say WHICH woman. What likely happened is that another woman, interested in Brown attacked Rihanna and Brown attacked that woman to get her off of Rihanna. That explains the silence, the father’s commments and Rihanna’s return. We’ll see.

New Chris Brown CD – Baby Please Come Back, I Miss You & I Wanna Beat Your Ass Again!

Here is a girl, young, beautiful, talented and already discovered with the rest of her life in front of her. She has the world by a string and can do so much, and she is wasting all of it on someone like that.
Maybe she needs to talk to Whitney Houston to get the inside track on what she has in her favor and where she is heading with it. There are so many paralells between those two couples, its like watching a rerun.

you know, they both are good people. i couldnt never pass judgement on them for their actions, we all known someone who was in a abusive realationship and though most of us choose other was of expressing our anger. who is to say what went down in that car, shame on you all i would hate to commit a crime. chris has gotten the death sentance before your verdict, knowing most you hardly ever heard his music or may have.
everyone has a pass if he chooses to make the right changes to better himself are you to cast a bad shadow on his life. all these artist do is entertain you you like the music or you dont. give me a break with all this you all sound like villagers awaiting to burn a witch…

Actually, prayer CAN save them, as the answers to those prayer can come in many different forms, including seeking help.

All I can say is until we really know what happen … lets not pass judgement. Who knows we may never know what happen and that is why people are saying all these horrible things. Because we ALL wanna know what really truly happened and no one is saying anything!!! I wonder if Rhianna and Chris will ever do an interview saying what really happened that night and what caused the arguement.

To all those saying that we don’t know all the facts in the case, and she might have attacked him first, you need to realize that he, as a man, beat her and bit her, leaving visible bruises and teeth marks. I’m no expert, but her injuries do not seem consistent with self defense. Even if this was a case of self defense, what man needs to beat a woman as bad as she was beaten to defend himself?

He seems like a spoiled punk kid who lost his temper and beat the living daylights out of her.

Hey Doc,
Here’s a novel idea, “innocent until proven guilty”?? Were you there? There is a slight chance that the confrontation, violence and stupidity on both parts could have been initiated by Rhianna?

I love the RUSH to judgement, based upon photos and hearsay. Maybe her brusies were caused by CB defending himself and her catching and elbow, punch, shove etc. in doing so? I think what we have are two over indulged teenagers, whom if not be it for their respective fame, would go their seperate ways and agree to cut out “the nonsense”!!

Based upon the Doc’s opinion, will somebody please scream, “he’s a witch, burn him at the stake” and let the vigalante justice begin, prior to any evidence or GOD forbid a fair trial!

Why does everyone seem to forget that RIHANNA started this fight. SHE attacked him in the car. She threw the first blows. SHE has the history of violent outbursts.
Granted, Chris Brown needs some help, the dude really needs to grasp the concept that beat downs arent ok. Rihanna, on the flipside, needs to also realize she needs help to control her “jealous, diva” temper. This isnt just about a woman beater here folks. This is a TWO SIDED abusive relationship. Dont turn a blind eye to Rihanna just because shes female. They are both to blame here and Princess RiRi is by no means a saint. Ask her brother how saintly she was when she broke a bottle over his head in a fit of rage.
This couple is young, stupid and rich.. AND TOTALLY unable to deal with negative emotions in a healthy, mutual manner. BOTH of them!

Well why not? Seeing how she gave him “HERPES”. What is the point now?

Both are now diseased.

I don’t see how this is a problem. Why is anyone putting the responsibility of teaching young women and young men on them or any other celebrity. If anything, this should reinforce your ability as a parent to use their mistakes as teaching tools and not use them as a crutch for your own responsibility. They have the right to make their lives better and learn from their mistakes. Are they both using sound judgment? No. But they can learn and if they can’t co-exist, they have learned what has and can happen again. And the comparisons to Ike Turner should stop. Ike beat Tina Turner intentionally. I don’t believe Chris Brown had thoughts of hitting her until something set him off to do so. We don’t know the facts and I won’t pretend to but characterize him as such without so much as a clue as to what occurred is in my view unfair. Let the truth be revealed then make an opinion.

She had an opportunity to be one of the few celebrities that truly earns the right to be looked up to and applauded. She could have had a huge positive impact on young girls and women of all ages. I can’t understand why she would have given up that chance to be a leader. This could have sent a positive message to women and men.
Sad sad sad. I was in an abusive relationship as a teen. Someone like this would have had a major impact in my life. It’s horrible anyway that teens use these people as role models. It is what it is and she dropped the ball.

This guy is a complete idiot. EXCUSE ME MR. ABLOW, YOU ARE A COMPLETE MORON. So where is the proof he beat her that bad? Why because someone released a picture that is “questionable”? Then again you classify Chris as a “Violent and destructive man”. Gee, so when before this incident did he ever show any aggression towards anyone or anything? Yes he made a mistake and owned up to it. All I got to say is shut up, you have no clue what you are talking about.

To Ralston Sterlnig

You sound like my EX, who would beat me, all because I stood up for myself. So your ideal of women is to be seen and not heard, do what I say and shut up, right? People like you are nothing but cowards, because you can’t stand a women that stands up to you. If a man stood up to you like a women you would do everything not start a fight, but nooooo not a women just hit them to make them “listen”. Hopefully one day you run to someone who Black Belt and KICK YOUR SORRY A$$.

look here, all you defenders of Chris Brown, and attackers of the good doctor who wrote the above. Why don’t the lot of you tell me one good reason why a man should HIT a woman? Go ahead…I’m waiting. The others of you (men, whoever) who bring RACE into the picture or racism, give me a huge BREAK. What does ‘racism’ have to do with a man slapping a woman around? That sort of thing happens in EVERY race, OK! Doesn’t matter what race you are, any man who hits a woman is WRONG WRONG WRONG. The truth is, any man who hits a woman, is nothing but a rotten coward, because a man like that, is usually, more often than not, too AFRAID to hit another man, too cowardly to confront other men he may get into rumbles with. However, no woman has the strength a man has, therefore, it is EASY for a man to beat up on a woman, unless she is a world heavyweight champion wrestler who trains with 500 lb weights. These days how many woman do that and can defend themselves against a man’s natural strength.

So you big mouths who like to defend Chris Brown and his actions, blow it out your other end, nobody has any respect for who you are or what you have to say, OK, read my lips? Chances are if you defend Chris Brown, you yourself are likely to hit or beat up on a woman. Cowards. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size and another MAN?!

It is a fact of life that men, although usually in the minority, can also be victims of domestic violence. I remember that was one of the reasons Roger Moore divorced his Italian wife. I was in a relationship with a woman who always started slapping if she never got her way in a ‘discussion’, and always threatened to call the police if I simply raised an arm to protect my face from getting hit or scratched.

I never hit her or initiated any physical attack on her. But how many men are brave enough to risk ridicule and report such ‘abuse’, so that the law protects partners in any relationship regardless of gender.

So I can agree with some of the comments that we need to know the FULL story, but given the bite marks as well as the previous injuries Rhianna hid with the jeweled eye-patch, it’s obvious this wasn’t the first assault.

It may be a very volatile relationship, and both people need serious counseling. But once you cross the line and BREAK THE LAW in physically assaulting your partner, YOU ARE AT FAULT, YOU SHOULD GO TO JAIL for an initial cooling-off session, and then go into MANDATORY COUNSELING.

I’ve witnessed the patterns other abused women have mentioned in the previous posts, and the kinds of cowards who perpetrate these assaults are pretty much copy-cat cases. And the abused women who continue to reconcile in the predictable and well documented cycles also may need to be forcibly removed for counseling to give them the resources they need to get out ALIVE.

Rihanna has been on my mind for days. I really hope there are some wise and loving people in her world to help her through this. She is so young, and it must be so hard when everything is so public.

I left my abusive relationship almost a decade ago, and I can’t tell you how hard it was. I do agree with what you are saying, Dr. Ablow, though I never heard anyone put it that way before. The longer I stayed, the more I trained him that it was OK to hurt me. He didn’t understand that it was himself he had destroyed until I was long gone.

What I find disturbing, though, is that so many people jump on the bandwagon to blame the victim as soon as she doesn’t leave. Leaving is an awfully hard thing to do, and she is only 21. The journalists (if you can call them that) seem to be more concerned about the demise of Chris Brown’s career than anything. How is she supposed to process that? That she has decided to stay for now does not mean she has issued an engraved invitation for this man to abuse her. She needs help, but she also needs compassion.

she is a moron and he is a mental midget

as for the others of you who say stuff like ‘duh, nobody knows what happened, we weren’t there to see it’, oh please! I totally agree with Mother4two, it doesn’t take a village idiot to know what happened! It’s all over the news!

Where are you sticking your heads when this stuff is showing over and over on the media, down your toilets? Well pull your heads out and look at your TV more often, OK. I can’t believe some of you who say, “well, he must have had reason to hit her, and she must be behaving badly, else he wouldn’t have hit her?!

Remind me to keep my daughters away from trash like you. Chances are my daughters wouldn’t live to see 30 if she were married to the likes of YOU.

What happened to good ‘ol chivalry, and where have all the gentlemen gone?! Today we have men who compete with women, who compare themselves to women, and now men who want to dress and look like women. Seems to me some of you men who are posting here stuff like what I just commented on, are men acting like women!

Get a life!

Only Rhianna and Chris know what really happened that night, and if the two of them have decided to put the past behind them then it is their choice no one can make that for them. I hope that this does not happen again because I think Chris will not be able to talk his way out of it to his fans. I hope that this incident was a one time thing that they have both learned from. Good luck to the both of you

I agree with Brentwood Bob that we don’t have all the facts. But to conclude that the doctor’s article is born out of racism is assinine. Hopefully, these two will want to set the record straight for the benefit of their young admirers and get some help.

Thank you Dr.Ablow for speaking up! These messages should be running on PSA’s around the clock. There should be “relationship” courses in schools…(fat chance considering it’s hard enough to get Sex Education in the curriculum)…Let’s say that Chris did indeed assault Rihanna. Their reconciliation now sends out the message that: Abuse is allowed as long as he/she says “I’m sorry” and “I love you”. How many shelters are there filled with women who heard those very same words multiple times and continued to be physically/emotionally abused? How many are still in relationships brain washed into believing they themselves are at fault for doing something that “made him angry”? Or who fear retribution if leaving? Or who have no where else to go or have been made financially dependent or isolated from the rest of their family/friends? How many have lost all self esteem due to the constant barrage of put downs and being told they are worthless and have come to believe it? Or, as Ablow says…who believe they can stand by their man while he ‘gets cured” and be there to support and nurture ? It’s all so very wrong. The very first time anyone hits or pushes or punches or shoves or shakes or grabs or kicks must be the LAST TIME! You walk away and you stay away! Now how do we get that message across? Statistics show that Personality disorders…(NPD, BPD, etc) have practically negligible success rates. This ‘reconciliation” is so wrong on so very many levels. And so very sad.

Ghetto trash…they deserve each other.

Listen Ablow.

She caused this. I don’t care what you say…no man hits a woman for no reason.

Take that to the bank.

Rihanna needs to have a long conversation with Tina Turner

I’ve just read most of the above comments and many of them (Carlos and Ray, for example) are two more examples of the lack of education and information about Abuse and abusers. To quote Dr. Ablow:
<>

An act of abuse cannot be considered an “oops” …”she made me so mad I lost control”…It doesn’t work like that even if the abuser has convinced himself and his partner of that. One of the reasons most of those suffering from a personality disorder cannot have successful therapy is that they first must admit that they alone are responsible for their own actions. Very rarely does that happen. Their sense of ‘entitlement” supercedes every thing else.

Unfortunately, it usually takes multiple episodes of abuse before that message is driven home to the partner

First of all…I fully realize that there has been no trial …I am talking in general about this subject of Abuse and how shocked I am to see so many who honestly believe that it could have been HER FAULT or she ticked him off or ” it was just once”…etc.

Jessical wrote this afternoon: <>

Jessica…I thought that for over seven years…in an emotionally, physically and financially abusive relationship….and I’m an educated, professional business woman with two grown children…not a naive teen or young twenty something. My mantra was “Love is unconditional”…I’ll be the “good” in his life and he’ll get the help he needs… THAT DOES NOT WORK with abusers. You know why? Because they do NOT believe they need help. Sure…They can “say” they do and go through the motions…but it’s only a “bandaid” until the next time. They know what they are expected to say and do and play by the rules until they get their partner back…”another honeymoon phase”.. And then the Devaluation starts anew.

Look what happened to Tina Turner!!!! WILL THESE BLACK WOMEN EVER WAKE UP TO THIER BLACK MALE COUNTERPARTS!! It’s obvious they treat thier women in America the same way they treat them in AFRICA! It seems they never learn…. male or female.

Nobody knows what happened here and they aren’t talking. Personally I think they both should have had toxicology testing done; they could have been under the influence of something, with or without their knowledge. I can’t appreciate everyone demonizing either of these freaks, I mean people, since no one knows what went on. She may have instigated the whole situation or perhaps he did. The bottom line is unless they say one way or another, chances are we’ll never know.

Please – we don’t even know the whole story. And for you to paint Rhiana as a victim without the facts is irresponsible reporting. Has it ever occured to anyone that maybe she was the one who attacked Brown first? Why does it always have to be a man beating a women just because the women appears to be the injured party. Trust me, I know plenty of women who are capable of assulting a man and end up looking like the battered one. I was one of them. I would attack my significant other and then end up looking like the battered one because the wounds that I received were from me swinging at my significant other and him trying to proect himself. There is such a thing as a women beating on men……get a clue….

I have read several stories about this situation and I am surprised at how Chris Brown has been so demonized. I am a woman who watched my father abuse my mother on occasion. There was no excuse for what he did and he needed to learn to deal with his anger but I will tell you my mother egged him on and did everything she could to get him angry with her. They BOTH were dysfunctional. I would guess they do love each other but you throw in the factors of being young, impulsive, indulged, stressed, under media scrutiny etc. and someone snapped. They need counseling for sure if there is to be any hope for the future. However, we don’t know the whole story.

Chris Brown is a violent woman-hitting punk…nothing more. He should get into a fair fight with a man who has a chance to beat his scrawny ass into the ground. There’s no justification in striking a woman unless she’s trying to kill you. Perhaps Tina Turner needs to talk some sense into Rihanna. She knows that there is no “love” is worth taking a beating for .

Noone knows both sides to the story yet. i’m so sick of everyone taking Rihanna’s side. so what about the photo. I doesn’t explain everything. How uinprofessional for you to comment like you know.

Rihanna needs a new tattoo on her back. One that says “welcome” so Chris and anyone else she hooks up with knows it’s okay to walk all over her.

You can make all the excuses about how young she is and about all the co-dependence that goes on and blah blah blah. Bottom line: she was attacked and beaten and it will happen again, and by going back she’s being stupid. I don’t want to say she deserves what happens to her, but she’ll have nobody to blame for it but herself.

I wonder how long it will be before we see her name in the obituary column when her boyfriend loses his temper over a misplaced TV remote…

Look, If Chris Brown had battered or even layed a finger on another woman in his past, we would have heard it by now. He has risen to stardom over the last 3-5 years, and someone would have come forward if, for no other reason, the almighty $, to extort him for his past mistakes.

It is true that Chris Brown was exposed to an abusive relationship in his formative years, however, one has to wonder if he and Rihanna are back together because SHE acknowledged equal responsibility for the Oscar night incident. For all we know, he could have been injured also, but doesn’t want to go down that road for fear of backlash.

You are all being extremely judgemental over something you all know so little about, including the writer of this article. You should be ashamed.

You hit the nail on the head Doc….I am currently recovering from the removal of C4, and the removal of 4 cervical discs…thanks to my ex husband who decided that picking me up and throwing me neck first into a wooden frame was his idea of the “right” way to treat his wife. I forgave him…stupid me….and a few weeks later he pointed a hunting bow and arrow at me in front of my children….we ran like hell and never looked back. It took over a year to get a divorce from him, and my children and I moved 3 times and had to keep trading in my car just to stay hidden from him. I now live in another state and finally have quit looking over my sholder. My new husband is fully aware of the danger and trauma we went through, and my children to this day are terrified of my ex…..Sometimes running is the only choice you have. It’s tough to accept that you CAN”T change someone, and if they have abused you once, they absolutely will do it again. It’s sad to watch Rhianna make the wrong choice here….boycotting both of their music is going to be the only way we can show them that their decisions affect more then just themselves. Like it or not, they were role models for alot of the younger generation. Sad sad situation…..

Well I guess they aspire to be the new Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

I guess they aspire to be the new Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

Two words: Tina Turner.

Great performer married to a great performer. Escaped with her life. Barely.

Her daddy really can’t do nothing she grown even if he dissapproved that would not have stopped her

There is a program in Buffalo, NY, called Man to Man. My son had ‘issues’…my children’s dad was an abuser. My son went to Man to Man – it changed him. Not overnight, it took weeks and months. The men in Man to Man are/were abusers so there’s little Chris Brown could say to them they haven’t heard before. This program runs through the Catholic Diocese of Buffalo. I’m not Catholic-nor is my son but they helped him just the same. IF you love her Chris – find this or one like it. Show what kind of MAN you are.

Violence is rewarded in Hollywood – Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, Christian Bale, Britney Spears…yes, holding your child hostage is violence. As soon as these people are on the glossy screen, America forgets.
Stop buying Chris’s CDs……keep buying Rihanna’s. Don’t hit her in her already low self-esteem by ruining her career. She’s enjoyable to watch and hear. Just stop saying she’s stupid and dumb. She may not read your blog but she will see these things….it will only hurt her more. She’s confused, beaten down. She thinks she’s dumb and stupid because she’s been told it over and over by him. Support her – send her love. The abuse isn’t just physical, it’s emotional. Go back and watch the video of her standing at the Clive Davis dinner…..she stands and gives a sheepish wave, she looks to Chris for approval, he turns his head, she winces. It’s emotional abuse….don’t tell this girl she’s stupid…..tell her she’s great and loved!!

In my estimation, Dr. Ablow did two very important things with this article: 1) He neglected to talk about the cycle of violence and state that what has happened as an aftermath of this violence is exactly what professionals who work with battered women expect to happen–the battered woman returns to the effusively repentant, loving batterer, and 2) He very clearly, loudly, and inappropriately blamed the victim for perpetuating the cycle of violence. Let’s hope that Rihanna doesn’t read this article and accept the blame that has been heaped upon her shoulders by Dr. Ablow.

03-02-09

Hello,

You didn’t mention in your article about Tina Turner and what she went through, if you were allowed. I understand the current celeb references that were used.

A far sided question, did ‘daddy’ train his daughter to be a punching bag for the check? Sad to think about it. Not to mention the Carribean area is known for being one of the areas for ‘men have the final say-so’. One neighbor sold her house because her husband told her to do so. When asked where are they going to live she replied, ‘I don’t know’.

Thank You

Sad sad that the facts are not out-and yet 80% of the people are on here killing Chris Brown whom by the way is only a 19year old kid whom by the way saw his mom abused so yes he has issues but to vilify him as the spawn of satan by some pics to actually may be photo shopped considering all-plus a week later shes seen with no scars at all???? come on people lets wait til the facts come out- may she jacked him up in the car he told her to get out she wouldn’t he dragged her out or pulled her out she may have been pushed and fell but still not beatin-

That father of hers needs his #%# kicked. No REAL father would put up with his little girl getting beat on by some worthless thug boyfriend. He’s probably just “supporting her decision” because she’s his meal ticket.

There is no “counseling” and “working it out” when it comes to stuff like this. Can Chris Brown change? As a Christian, I believe so. However — he can do it from 3,000 miles away while Rihanna moves cross country and stays away from him and finds herself a real man.

18 is old enough to know that you do NOT hit women. I don’t care what kind of lousy childhood he had, there’s plenty of guys in the ghetto that would NEVER put their hands on a woman, so his sob story doesn’t cut it with me.

chris brown is a thug scumbag!
rhianna is setting a bad example to other young girls..
she should have left this sorry ass loser
chris brown deserves to be in prison.
he will attack again.

where is the black “leaders” now?
they should openly denounce chris brown and his actions, as there is a very high rate of woman beating in the black community.

Lots of comments about this……… I could write a book.
People who have never been abused, may not comment to my comment, and people that have been abused, may or may not like what I need to say.
I have been abused, phyically, mentally, and emotionally,,,,,, all circumstances are different,,,,,, “judge not, for ye will be judged”and or otherwise.
Like I said, I could write a book,,, and I’m sure others have,,,, thank GOD for all our opinions.
Mind your business, and call the authorities when needed.
Walk a mile is what what I’ve been taught!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Kim from Kansas

I feel that every should not be taking sides but people are making her as a victim but people don’t know the whole story I feel she had to do something to make him snap cause before he met her he was fine .I think the problem is her not chris know I’m not saying what he did was right but intell the whole truth come out people should not be taking side.and for chris I will pray for you .you are a very sweet guy and I hope you come out on top .my prayers are with you chris

You’re so right, Dr. Keith. I’m so glad to see someone speaking up about this.

IT STILL DOESN’T GIVE HIM OR HER TO BEAT THE CRAMP OUT OF EACH OTHER!!!!!!! DUH!! When are you people going to stop defending these young people just because they are famous. They to have issues just like the rest of us no one is perfect but if this has happened before and who knows if it has or not. Carlos, you really need to stop seeing things through rose colored glasses, you have no idea what this guy has been through or even her. Some women have such low self esteem and feel they need to belong to someone and when that someone breaks the bonds of trust and security they feel and think they won’t do it again. Don’t you read the papers, watch the news about DOMESTIC ABUSE? It starts out with the beatings then and most end up in death. It doesnt get any better it gets worse!!!!! The person or persons need to find help to get them through the anger, bitterness and hatred they have built up within them. She is not married to the man and she should start over and move on LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!! NO WOMAN OR MAN SHOULD HAVE TO BEATEN JUST BECAUSE or for whatever reason! This is no way to show young people that it is okay to be in a situation like this, there is enought dating abuse going on this is just saying HEY, this is okay go ahead and get BEAT!!!!

Give me a break! can we talk about how to fix our economy and other serious stuff? The problem with America is that everybody has the solution to celebrities mess yet everybody lacks solution to the legion of serious problems facing the country!

While it’s painfully clear to me and people the world over who’ve seen this shocking photo of her battered face, I still can’t help feeling guilt for judging Chris Brown.

While nothing could ever justify the beating of a woman at the hands of a man, for myself, I still want to know the whole story.

I am against violence in a relationship, whoever is the antagonist (yes, women do abuse men as well).

But the fact of the matter is that we are all judging a matter we know nothing about.

Rihanna ‘doesn’t get it’?!? she would get it from me mate

I want to know why PDunce injected himself into the situation. He thinks he can swoop down and save the day. He can’t even keep Danity Kane together.

Just another stupid women

It is nobody elses business besides theirs. They are singers and their private lives have nothing to do with their careers. If everyone in the world would take care of themselves first instead of trying to live vicariously through famous people the world would be a much better place.

Just like probably everyone on this forum, I don’t claim to know Rihanna or Chris Brown or know what they are going through. But, as a high school teacher, I do know how this has affected teenagers. Another teacher and myself sat down with our students and talked to them after the incident because they were all physically and emotionally upset by what had occurred. The girls understood that no one has the right to hurt them no matter how upset that person might be and the boys said they know it’s wrong to hurt a girl.
Now, because of Rihanna’s fabulous decision to risk her life, she has now put the lives of countless teenagers in jeopardy. Whether she likes it or not, she chose to be in the spotlight and has become a role model for young girls everywhere. And now, by following her example (and we all know that teenagers do that), they may risk being hit, hospitalized or killed because they will think it is ok to return to an abuser.

OK, enough is enough – when he makes the other side of the face match the first one he provided her, I don’t want to hear her cry about it. Why can’t she move on to better things?

Many of those that posted here haven’t really hit the nail on the head. Chris Brown is a thug… This snot nosed punk that espouses a thug culture that demeans and condones violence toward women. Hell, Pit Bulls have more worth to these thugs than a woman.
Just because Brown is talented and famous he gets a pass from the industry and our celebrity worship culture, and even more surprising is the lack of any movement from the District attorney’s office in charging Brown with anything.
Rhianna’s fathers lame comment that he supports his daughter only adds fuel to the violence. The first time my daughter brought a serious boyfriend over to meet the wife and I, I took junior outside and told him privately as I squarely look the young man in the eye, “If you ever hit my daughter and or your future children, I swear to God, I’ll kill you.”
By me saying this, I put the burden squarely on this young man’s shoulders that if he ever should decide to get squirrelly with my daughter it isn’t the law that he has to worry about, its me. You don’t put the fear of God into someone by saying, “I support my daughter in her decision.” Rihanna’s father may not control his daughter in seeing Chris Brown, but he sure as heck could control Brown’s actions and make him think twice the next time he hits his daughter and unfortunately it will happen again because thugs like Brown are a dime a dozen these days.

I guess some chicks dig getting the crap beaten out of them…

We all hope that this does not end badly. They both need a lot of help. Any women who allows a man to hit her – needs help to see that she does not deserve that kind of treatment. Any man who hits a women needs help with the issues that make him think that is an appropriate reaction…and that ‘I am sorry…here is an expensive bobble….I won’t do it again’ is an appropriate response. What are they teaching our youth?

Doc you dont get it, you sit back with all your degrees, and think you know what is inside someones heart or mind. You do not know what happened, and cannot not make a judgement that she is making a mistake. Yes there a people you cannot control there anger, and woman that repeatedly go back to men or men that go back to woman that have repeatedly harmed them is not helpful to either. But for this instant, we must look at it being the first time, and everyone deserves a second chance.

You must take in account his age, and the spot light he is in day in and day out. There are many woman beaten everyday, and it does not make the news, but because he is a celebrity we think we know everything. His position and the people around him did not help the situation. Just look at the other many celebrities that fall into trouble.

I think its wondeful she is giveing him a second chance, and I am sure he is going to get the best help available with the money he makes.

Both Brown, and Ms. Rihanna can be the poster couple that mistakes can be made, but the relationship can be saved.

This situation can be used to promote fixing what is wrong with people and the problems instead of just wanting this poor guy to suufer the rest of his life.

Who gives a flying *&^% about these two losers. She must like it because she went back for more.

I disagree. While beating on a female is bad at the same time, none of you know what really happened, maybe something provoked him. Nobody really knows what happen but the two of them. I for one know what to say and do to provoke my significant other and I know how far I can push him. Yes he is a child and why should she leave him, if they both want the relation then they both need to compromise. If the it was the other way around, where she was the violent one would it still be getting this much attention. I am the violent one in my relation, things happen and they have gotten over it why are others still dwelling. In this article the Doc mention that Rihanna’s father giving his blessing is not love, what are you talking about. Do you really think that even if he argued with her about going back to Chris that it would changed anything, she would still do what she want to do and turn her back to daddy.

I really don’t think that Chris Brown is like that. Of course I don’t know him and putting your hands on a women in that way is not right but i’m pretty sure Rhianna did something to push him to that point. They are kids and Chris probably haven’t learned how to deal with certain things like that yet. And I don’t think it is right for him to loose his career over it. Every body really don’t know the real story.

While she is a talented artist, I have lost all respect for her now that she is back with an abuser. What an example to set for young women everywhere.

This is a perfect case for why women who are abused are losing credibility. Rihanna admitted that she threw the first punch according to the police report, and the media is portraying her as “victim”. Was it right for her to be pummeled? NO, but violence is wrong from both sides. In this situation the were co-combatants and both need to be charged! The media is reinforcing the idea that it is only abuse when a man hits a woman. Let’s get real here, abuse is abuse. They BOTH need to be held accountable!

Do the names Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown ring a bell????!!!!!!! Sounds similar to their relationship – except for the drugs (I hope).

I can’t believe some people thinks it’s okay for a man to beat a woman if she started it. A man should NEVER beat a woman in any situation, even it she hit him first. It’s just not okay in any situation. Just walk away. Would you beat up your small child because he/she lost control and hit you? I would think not… We need to teach our son’s to turn into MEN, not ABUSERS!

IF THIS REUNION IS FACT.
BOTH THESE YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE NO BRAINS HER ESPECIALLY.
FOXS MAN IS RIGHT BROWN WILL DO IT AGAIN .
WHY ARE WOMEN LIKE HER SO STUPID.
BOTH RECORD COMPANYS SHOULD DUMP BOTH OF THEM NOW.

GEORGE. GAMESON .
SYDNEY.
AUSTRALIA

I don’t think he beat her enough. I just hope next time, Chris Brown knocks some sense into her! Maybe he should beat the top of her head instead of her face – I hear that is where the brain responds to emotions and feelings….lol!

Rihanna gets it Doc, you don’t. Notice that no one has said anything of substance. That is the first indication that she does not want you to know the truth because she has some guilt about what went on.

Remember, if someone hits you, it is a fight not abuse. When women want equal rights, they have to remember, if a man hits another man, he expects to get hit back. This business of women being able to hit you and get a free pass is B.S. If a woman hits another women, she expects to get hit back.

If a person hits another person, they should expect to get hit back. So when you hit someone, you better be resonably sure that you can hold your own with the person you attacked.

Ok people really need to relax just as she did. It does take two to tangoe. He was driving a lamborghini when he recieved a text message from another girl asking him what he was doing after the show. Rihanna intercepted the phone and read the text and ATTACKED him while he was driving a car and at that point is when he decided to pull over. (SMART MOVE) I’m not trying to say what he did was right in away, but Im sure she realized “wow, this is both of our faults” as other people need to realize.

I think that Rihanna is a little confused and needs some help. I felt sorry for her a first but now I just can’t.I love Chris Brown and Rihanna but dang that is some crap and she needs to get some sence and move on. Chris Brown is a great guy that made a bad choice. He needs to get some seriuos help and Rihanna does too. This is crazy and I hope he pays but I still love his music he is SO SEXY!!!! I am praying that they will learn from this and be better people.

I’m surprised at the number of women and men who commented here that “We don’t know who started the fight”…Obviously these same people are either abusers or victims of abuse themselves. Anyone can see from the way Rhiana was beat up and the fact that Chris Brown didn’t have a scratch on him much less, that he is a professional athlete, who probably could easily beat up other men, is no excuse!!! HELLO! It doesn’t matter who started the fight! You don’t take it too the physical level! That simple! He should have been thrown in Jail and left there and she should have more sense to leave this relationship for a bad one and a learning experience. She should just concentrate on her career and someday she will find a man that appreciates all her qualities, one who won’t be so intimidated by her that he has to beat her up to feel “like a man”…

I think this article and the media in general have missed the main point: Rihanna is the abuser and Brown was defending himself. That is why there will be no charges. Chris Brown is the one playing with fire by getting back together.

This is a great case od media bias, because everyone saw the Rihanna photo, but nobody realizes what she did to him. Rihanna is the one with the history of abuse and poor temperament. It is very sad that it is always the man to blame first. Sure, she looked terrible, but from what I here, the injuries were self inflicted when she fell trying to attack Brown.

HONEY DROP THAT 0 AND GET YOU A HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter was in a relationship like this. He beat her up while she was pregnant with their first child and accused her of “cheating” on him everyday. She couldn’t seem to break free of this guy. She would come over with bruises and black eyes. I begged her to leave this jerk. She would claim she fell. Finally, after 6 years of abuse she got the courage up to leave him. Now she just has to deal with his abuse through their children, and the after effects of her kids having seen her beaten up.

I don’t understand the mentality of a woman staying with a man who raises his hand to her, but apparently this happens a lot.

The one good thing that came out of this is she wants to start a group that helps women recognize the symptoms of abuse and help them escape.

I agree completely with what Dr. Keith said. I know first hand how these “relationships” operate and it’s a losing battle. She needs to get help now and get out. Skip the counseling and waiting and believing he will change; plain and simple fact is that they DON’T CHANGE. Why should he change? If she comes back (like I did) there is no consequence for the actions and no reason to alter the behavior. She is proving that you can be successful, wealthy and beautiful and still be treated poorly. There is no class distinction when it comes to abuse. I pray that she gets out soon; the next time he may kill her.

First of all, anger management DOES NOT work. Domestic violence has very little to do with anger, it’s a power and control issue. When the batterer can’t control the victim, he lashes out. Then he’ll promise it will never happen again….. usually while blaming the victim for the attack in the first place. The victims feels like if only I didn’t make him mad he wouldn’t hurt me. The average victim of domestic abuse will leave her batterer 7-9 times before she leaves for good (if she lives that long). I hope Rihanna gets out while she can and before he does more damage to her self esteem than he already has. Hopefully her family will step up and support her and help her leave a bad situation before it’s too late.

Everyone needs to pull their fangs out of Chris Brown. NO ONE actually saw what happened, and everyone knows the media takes something and blows it out of proportion. Unless you were in the car and saw everything, no one has the right to make any assesment what so ever. Things happen, everyone has had ups and downs. Rhianna or Chris Brown has not come out and said exactly what happened. So until then, everyone needs to quit judging and chill out. This is not our relationship to have an opinion on.

Why don’t you “therapist” types mind your own business instead butting into the affairs of others. The young woman understands the potential consequences of her decision and just because you wouldn’t return you shouldn’t paint her with the same brush as other “victimized” women.

These women know their situation and have accepted the good and the bad of it and it’s none of your business in the end.

Stop judging people, or lumping them into the so-called statistics. That everyone who does it once will do it again.

This could have been a one time event, it could have been self defense.
There is not enough info to be making all these assumptions

Psycho babble is all this “Dr.” knows…..

listen, enuff about this subject, its their decision yeah it was wrong wat da kid did, im sure alcohol played some part and i know thats not an excuse..but i bet u we never hear that he does anything like it again it ruined a big part of his career and life as it is..and who cares wa her dad or mom thinks. shes 20 shes a millionare she can handle her own decisions she knows the type of situation she is getting into, we saw the picture..but she was the one who looked in the mirror, dont comment on how she makes her decisions let her be, let them be, and stop bringing her family into it. i bet you everyone here at one point in their life has loved somebody got hurt emotionally or physically and stuck around to see how it would work. just because they are rich and famous can sing and dance we get on their case. we got nothing better to do than to worry about 2 peoples relationships come on now fo real..the only thing ever should be talked about with any celeberity is their career not what they do when they walk off stage. let them handle their own decisions and take comments from friends and family fo reals. talking about this is almost as worse as that mom who had 8 kids…either help her or take her kids simple. she cant do it on her own. i am in a fam of 8 and my dad provided but he had a career and 14 kids. come on she has obvious mental problems. so enuff about her..enuff about rihanna and chris brown. they both still da best male and female singer out there.

This young woman is setting a terrible example for other young women. I work in middle and high schools. The girls there look up to her. This is going to teach many of them that it is oaky for a guy to hit you. It is not. I am afriad that this young and very talented woman will end up dead at the hands of this so called man.

The key statement in that article is “If the allegations about Brown are true”. If chickens had lips could they whistle. Fact is no one knows the truth but those involved. Everyone else should mind their own business and stop putting kids on pedestals adults can’t achieve.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO BACK OFF. WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENS BEHIND THE DOOR WITH THESE TWO. YES HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER PUT HIS HANDS ON HER BUT HAS SHE DONE THE SAME. NEITHER IS RIGHT. SHE IS GROWN WOMAN AND YES THEY BOTH NEED HELP. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER WOMAN THAT ARE NOT FAMOUS AND THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYDAY. NO SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT THEM. THEY ARE BOTH HUMAN JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. NIT PICKING IS NOT DOING ANY JUSTICE. SHE HAS TO MAKE HER CHOICE WHEN SHE GOES TO BED AT NIGHT JUST AS HE HAS TO DO THE SAME. THIS IS THEIR LIFE NOT OURS. FIND SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE TO WORRY ABOUT INSTEAD OF THEIRS!!!

Tina Turner, Pam Anderson, Whitney Houston….just to name a few. It’s happened before and will again. Seems the culture thinks it’s ok.

Have you ever thought that in that small car she started beating on him, and as incomprehensible it may be, he pushed her off of him and she was injured? Whether you believe any of the tabloids of her relationships past/present she has a temper too. No one has really seen what he looks like, so it is possible he was assulted too. It is also possible that by being together now they are showing unity in trying to not make her or him look like a villian or victim.

I hate sounding like a mean defense attorney, but this is the USA and until he goes to court and proven guilty, he is an innocent man. Any with her father seeming to condone their reconciliation, maybe we need to believe he is an innocent man.

While I don’t agree with her father stating publicly that he backs her up, there is nothing he can do to make her stop seeing him. She is going to continue on with him in this sick cycle of abuse, and since Rihanna is a grown woman her father can do nothing but be there for her when it all falls apart again. Sad but true.

How do you spell oj?

Chris Brown does not love Rhinna, otherwise he would never have laid a hand on her. Physical abuse is not about love, it’s about control. My 16 year old daughter will no longer be allowed to listen to music by either one of these artist anymore. I will not condone this behavior and will not allow my daughter to ever think that it is okay for a man to put his hands on a woman no matter what has happened. Shame on Rhinna, when so many young girls look up to her, she is making the biggest mistake in her life!! It will happen again, I promise you that.

In response to what Bob wrote about “not living vicariously through celebrities” and to focus on one’s ownself…The Bottom Line here in this whole situation is that NOW everyone is talking about ABUSE! No matter what happened between R and Chris B…..The issue of Abuse has been brought into the forefront because of their celebrity. What’s not being written about are the hundreds of thousands of cases in the lives of “regular people” on a daily basis! The stories we never hear.

I am shocked to read so many comments here about “deserving” punishment or “who started what”…or “losing one’s temper”….Or “forgiving and forgetting”.

Abuse in any way , shape or form is NOT acceptable. It is not to be tolerated. It is not “ok”. Women (and yes men too) who are in abusive relationships need to have the support of family/friends/community to get out and stay out.

As a licensed social worker, and a crisis response specialist working at the Family Violence Prevention Center; I could not agree more with Dr. Ablow. On one hand, I am sorry that she is going through all of this in the public eye; however, I also believe she has the ability to make a huge difference in a young girl’s life who is involved in a violent and abusive relationship. I hope she will get the education she needs to see the cycle she is continuing. I also wonder if she grew up in a violent home, which is often the case as these victims see these unhealthy relationships as “normal”. By the way, Dr. Ablow, you should return to writing–your novels are amazing!

This is an okay article, but Dr. Albow gets it wrong when he says Rihanna doesn’t understand the danger. She knows it all right, she’s just making a choice based on what is important to her. She is going to do whatever it takes to gets famous and stay famous, including risking her own safety. Women are always saying they want “just a little respect,” but the truth is that they fall for good looks and fame and money almost every time. Just watch the choices they make, they won’t date guys who treat them well but they will date the good-looking rogue who has cheated on his past girlfriends. They will fall over over themselves trying to get a chance to be with him even as they ignore the other guys. This example is typical, I don’t know why anybody is surprised by it.

Another thing — I don’t think Rihanna’s self esteem is low, judging from what she does for a living, quite the opposite. And she’s also not likely suffering from a compulsive need to fix a bad man. She’s likely just helping herself by being in a Hollywood power couple … if you’re a woman who wants to be famous, it helps to have a famous boyfriend/husband. I agree that going back to him will make him think he can get away with doing it again, but if Chris thinks she’s risking everything for his sake, well, not too likely! It’s about getting famous, going to the cool places, she wants everyone to love her. Hollywood is a self-selected group, stardom attracts a certain personality type and it’s not exactly people with low self-esteem.

MY VIEW PART 1

If Chris Brown did in FACT do what he is accused of then he should
take his punishment like a man and not try to use expensive lawyers
to get out of it.
Rihanna needs to know that no matter what, she is now a part of a
WORLD WIDE group of millions of BATTERED & ABUSED WOMEN whether she
wants to admit it or not.
Whatever she does now, how she deals with this situation will set the
tone not only for abused women but for their abusers who will feel it
is ok and they have the RIGHT to do what they do.
Rihanna is a role model whether she likes it or not and as such needs
to do the RIGHT THING not only to PROTECT HERSELF from future harm but
to encourage the millions of women and young girls out there that look
up to her to do the same. Self esteem and self respect are more
valuable than all the fancy gifts and sweet talk and apologies and
promises of ‘Honey, I will never do it again’ that any man could ever
give you.
It is one thing to Forgive someone, it is another to remain in the
situation and ENCOURAGE a REPEAT of the event in the future.
They BOTH need help and I hope they get it. The best thing they
could have done is STAY AWAY from each other for a period of time, at
least 6 months to a year. If He truly cared for her he would have
been willing to do that and genuinely work on regaining her trust
slowly. …

MY VIEW PART 2

Allegedly rushing back into things even before he had
completed his Anger Management classes just shows how selfish and
inconsiderate HE is and how young and misguided SHE is. And
She needs PROPER ADVICE and it doesn’t appear she is getting it. On
the other hand he seems to be getting strategic advice on ‘How to BEAT
A FELONY RAP’ straight from his lawyers. Encouraging her not to request a restraining order at this time only helps his case, obviously. And Sean (Puffy) Combs had no right
encouraging them at his house TOGETHER to even ‘talk things out’ at
this point. If he wanted to do something worthwhile he should have gotten them both help SEPARATELY.
I hope the police don’t need her support to make their case and still
convict him even if they have allegedly gotten back together. If they
are back together they will loose many fans because people will loose
all respect for them both. I know I have, but, time will tell.
All we can do is pray for them both.

A man should never hit a woman BUT a woman knows how to push buttons. They need to leave eachother that is not a good environment. Once the violence is there it will always be there. She will no longer be a role model for my girls and he was really not a role model just a music artist. We tend to live in a double standard world and well that’s just life. Reianna is in commercials for Cover Girl and that’s a waste of money and tv. She is no role model or should be representing such. She is WEAK and showing our young ladies that it’s okay to get beat on. Why make a scene and get Chris thrown in jail and a record when she’s gonna play house. STUPID.. waste of time and money…

Can someone please get this message to Rhianna?

Rhianna, you are not responsible for Chris Brown or any man on this planet. He is incapable of controlling his inate desire to control you with physical force and violence. This is not the first time, and it won’t be the last. It will never stop, until you leave him, or you get killed. You are not alone, many woman have been in your shoes. Many have not survived the abuse. No one deserves to ever be physically or verbally hurt. You could never do anything to anyone to make that okay. Your dad is an angel to stand behind you and support you, even though it is breaking his heart and his spirit. Take care of you for you, for your family, for your future. You are worth it.

Rihanna is setting a bad example to women in violent relationships. I don’t care who started I didn’t see any marks on him and I am positive that he can overpower her so it didn’t take all that to make her stop for those of you that say she could of been the one who started this fight. I have been with my husband for 8 years and in a previous relationship for 15 years no one has ever hit me. All couples argue but we don’t all fight. It upsets me to see so many girls and even women who support these two and I don’t think people should support either of their careers.

Maybe there should mandatory counseling for women
that show up at the hospital…all beaten up.
Maybe the police should require
mandatory counseling for both of them.
When people report a crime
nobody wants to help the victims.

Stage Three-Enlightenment

Stage three of battered women’s syndrome occurs when a battered woman starts to understand that no one deserves to be beaten. A battered woman comes to see that the beatings she receives from her partner are not justified. She also recognizes that her partner has a serious problem. However, she stays with her abuser in an attempt to keep the relationship in tact with hopes of future change.

Stage Four–Responsibility

Stage four of battered women’s syndrome occurs when a battered woman recognizes that her abuser has a problem that only he can fix. Battered women in this stage come to understand that nothing they can do or say can help their abusers. Battered women in this stage choose to take the necessary steps to leave their abusers and begin to start new lives.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to safe places in your area where you can seek help.

There are generally four stages in the battered women’s syndrome.

Stage One–Denial

Stage one of battered women’s syndrome occurs when the battered woman denies to others, and to herself, that there is a problem. Most battered women will make up excuses for why their partners have an abusive incident. Battered women will generally believe that the abuse will never happen again.

These two celebrities are in a toxic relationship with each other, and for that reason alone, should part and go their separate ways. The awful irony is, she has more than enough monetary resources to support herself, unlike many battered women in the world.

RIUANNA GET OUT !!! GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE ! THEY DON’T EVER STOP ONCE THEY START ! I AM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE AND IT TOOK 10 YEAR’S TO GET AWAY I HAD NO WHERE TO GO EVEN THE POLICE COULDN’T HELP IT IS A LOT TO SAY I AM HEAR AT gkkiwi@sbcglobal.net don’t hesitaite to e-mail me . SERIOUSLY I DON’T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT KINDA REALLY ROCKY ROAD YOU ARE GOING DOWN !HOPEFULLY YOU WILL SOMEDAY LOOK YOUR SELF IN YOUR EYE’S IN THE MIRROR AND SAY I DESERVE BETTER !!! YOUR PARENT’S CANNOT SLEEP AT NIGHT THEY HAVE NIGHTMARES NOW THAT WAKE THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT . YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR PARENT’S THU HELL AND OTHER’S THAT TRULY LOVE YOU ! YOU HAVE EVERYTHING ! I HAVE NOT HALF WHAT YOU HAVE BUT I AM WELL TAKEN CARE OF AND HAVE SECURITY I OWN MY HOME ! I HAVE FOOD AND I DON’T LIVE UNDER A BRIDGE ANYMORE FOR 10 YEAR’S WHILE BIENG KEPT FROM MY FAMILY WHEN I FOUND MY WAY HOME ONE TIME THAT HE DID NOT DRAG ME BACK BY MY HAIR THIS TIME MY MOTHER HAD MOVED AWAY SO I HAD TO GO BACK HE PULLED GUN’S ,BEAT ME WITH THEM , HE FIRED THEM AT ME ,HE PULLED A KNIFES ON ME AND USED THEM EVERY TIME AND HE WAS A BUTCHER !!!! HE CUT 3 ARTERY’S IN MY WRIST WITH A BONING KNIFE !!!! THE HOSPITAL WAS ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE PENTHOUSE WE LIVED AT THAT TIME IT WAS A GOOD CHANGE FROM THE BRIDGE BUT IT DEOSN’T MATTER HE IS GOING TO DO IT AGAIN THE LAST TIME I PLANNED MY ESCAPE AND IT WORKED AHE PUSHED ME INTO THING’S WITCH I HAVE TO SAY YOU’LL LEARN WHERE IS A GOOD PLACE TO PLACE YOURSELF WHEN BEING BEAT

Why was it that during the OJ Simpson trial the potential jury public was asked not to judge OJ a danger to his girlfriend even though he admittedly admitted he had had thoughts of violence toward her, where as during the Chris Brown and Rihanna affair the potential jury public was asked to judge Chris Brown a danger to his girlfriend even though he never admittedly admitted he had had thoughts of violence toward her?
Is it possible that lawyers do conjecture about both cases as to which of the legal technicality alternatives will wind them up with more money or lawyerly reputation? Just speculating myself, I am neither trying to suggest all lawyers never have the real best interests of the pontial jury public at heart in mind when they advise us, nor am I saying all members of the public accused of crimes are innocent of them.

Thanks in advance for reading commentaries,

Dan Morris