Sexpert Q&A: Romeo & Juliet Syndrome
Dear Yvonne,
I am a newlywed of four months. My problem: Before my husband and I got married, we had sex all the time! But since we got married, it hasn’t been the same. I still feel sexually attracted to him. We’re both 21, and before we got married, it was hard for us to see each other because our families didn’t approve of the relationship. Has the sex changed because there’s no longer the excitement of getting caught?
— Alyyah
Dear Alyyah,
What you are describing is a classic “Romeo & Juliet” syndrome, where half of the excitement of being sexually intimate was the disapproval. Doing the forbidden things made the relationship more passionate since the need to overcome obstacles intensified your feelings. Lovers in these situations often have this mentality: “Don’t they realize that more obstacles make us all the more passionate?” As with any taboo sexual relationship, for example, an affair — the excitement wears off after a while.
Just because this type of passion is waning in your relationship, doesn’t mean the exciting phase of starting your lives together has to be passionless. Seek novel ways to have sex and to be intimate. Changing the focus of sex to one of being an entirely new adventure is sure to keep things heated.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”
Tags: attraction, Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, excitement, family, forbidden, marriage, newlyweds, obstacles, passion, relationship, Romeo & Juliet Syndrome, sex
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As also a newlywed of 4 months, and with my wife and I at 26 years old, we’re having the best sex of our lives! want to know what the secret is? We were both virgins when we got married! Shocking, isn’t it? Well, maybe its tough nowadays, but not impossible to achieve… and to hear of someone who is missing out of the chance to have a truly intimate and secure relationship the way it was intended makes me sad!
That’s right, I’m not saying that I’m better than anyone else, just that it is possible and WILL result in the most amazing relationship sexual and otherwise that you could ever imagine.
Take heart people, and hang in there!
Have to agree with Doc Fulbright, there was a level of intensity due to the forbidden nature of your early relationship. Of course a good marriage is so much more than just about the sex, but the sex is a big part of it. Perhaps you can do fun things like spend whole days doing nothing but enjoying each other in every room of the house, or going to a hotel for a day-long romp?
As for the first respondant claiming that being virgins at marriage is the key to great sex, all fine and good for them. Different strokes for different folks. For people who I know well enough to know their stories, sex before marriage was what was intended for them and they are doing fine in that department, thank you, so please do not feel that if you had waited that everything would be wonderful in that way.
The first respondent made the most illogical statement ever. You can’t make a comparative claim of “best sex of our lives” when you have nothing to compare it to. It’s that type of logical fallacy that makes me sad for you. It’s the same as saying, “I’ve never eaten ice cream before, but this is the best ice cream ever!” Go peddle your ignorant piety somewhere else, dude.
I don’t have much to say about the topic…the doctor said it best. But I can’t let my comment pass. And I hate being mean and condescending…but that’s how this is going be. The first comment by ESR is illogical and absolutely ridiculous. You can’t make a comparative claim of “best sex of our lives” when you have no other experience to compare it with, yo. And it’s that type of logical fallacy that makes me sad for you, dude. Go peddle your ignorant piety somewhere else.
Carter, your an a$$. The person was simply giving his opinion of what works for him. He was not intending on finding some jerk to attack him. I think you are an idiot and have yet to post a comment that helps this author with their situation. Maybe you should keep your ignorance to yourself!