Derek,

Take the Dr.’s advice…it’s good and I believe it can work for you if you try it. If you don’t have a winner attitude, women pick up on it quickly – regardless of how good looking you may be. Even if the woman herself may not have a winner attitude (and I’ve dated plenty of those types…), she won’t want a negative attitude affecting her and will move on to greener pastures. I mean, who wants more problems in their lives, right?

If you focus on what you are really good at and project confidence (and are even a little ballsy, for lack of a better word), you will be able to meet and keep a good woman, and there are plenty of them out there.

I will probably be attacked for this part…but for me, when I was single, I made friends with many women. When either I or the other tired of each other, I had others to hang with. Now I am in a committed relationship and don’t do that anymore, but I’ll admit I had a very good time. But not everyone is for that type of lifestyle. So if you look to this, you will definitely need to have a go-get-em attitude.

Finally, cut back on alcohol consumption if you are a drinker. Early on, I found that heavy drinking was affecting my ability to stay with a woman for anything longer than 2-3 months. Some women drink like I like to, but most don’t. I’m not saying you have to be a tea totaller but moderation is probably the best advice when drinking and trying to form/keep a relationship.

Take care and enjoy life!

Derek, repeat with me: Nice Guys Finish Last!!! Now say it 10 more times…

My best friend is a nice guy, and he almost never scores when we go out. I never have a problem. Sometimes, I even have to help him seal the deal because he is too nice. I’m sometimes embarrassed being his wingman…he fails at that job, too.

I have found that most women are more interested in getting pampered by having men spend money on them. Sure, looks count initially, but when women find out you have money, looks take a back seat. If you have a loser attitude, they will take advantage of you. My friend is a prime example!!!

Nice guys, unfortunately, are easy prey and pay through the nose thinking this will get them what they are looking for.

Guys need to step up their game!!! Believe me, women continue to improve!

Being up-front from the start about what you are looking for and just going for it help.

Girls love the bad boys when they are younger… Maybe you should try dating older (not ridiculously older) women. I brushed off the nice guys in my late teens through my early 20’s. I loved the thrill of chasing after the “bad” boys. But as I’ve grown older (I’m 27 now) I’ve started to realize that I will not find love in a situation like that. I actually want the nice guys now! I used to use the nice guys for advice and friendship only. Even if they wanted to date me and promised me the sun moon and stars, it was never good enough. Women… or girls… grow out of that phase though. I promise. The ones who are worth it do anyway

One more thing, Derek. Make sure you know EXACTLY what you want out of the relationship, and make sure your woman knows it, too. There is considerable truth to the statement, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned [or led on].” Most women will appreciate your honesty, even if they don’t initially indicate their appreciation.

J-Me also has a good point: try with a more experienced woman. You are still young and many older women like younger guys (ala Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore). Also, unfortunately, many 30- and some 40-somethings are still trying to act like teenagers. My current girlfriend is older than me, has the emotional stability I desire (so I don’t have to babysit, so to speak), and can put many 20- and 30-somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Whatever you do, enjoy life!

Start dating foreign women! I gave up on American women when I was a freshman: they’re too sexually repressed. I saw the girls cling to abusive men. They also didn’t understand my humor, nor did they tolerate my different preferences. I eventually married a foreigner.

Another thing to consider is the possibility that you have Asperger’s Syndrome, or a subclinical variant of it. You may be offending women unwittingly, like I did. I’m also very nice as a result of the positive aspects of Aspie personality.

Derek, it depends on what you are looking for. If all you are looking for is hooking up, then lmn2u is right. However, if you are looking for a relationship, then he is dead wrong. Judging by your age I’m guessing there is a better than average chance you’re past the hooking up stage in life. The most important thing you can do is ditch the loser attitude. You don’t need to be an egomaniac but people – women specifically – respond to self-confidence. Just remember, if you don’t believe in yourself, nobody will.

-

I think he is suffering from What many dating experts call “Wuss Bag” syndrom. First, he’s a wuss because he tries to be the ideal perfect gentleman.

Woman see right through this for what it is, they see someone trying to pander to them because he isn’t sure of himself. He isn’t confident.
Further, he is trying to decieve the woman into thinking he is someone other than a real person. Woman can’t stand that.

He needs to learn a few things – first, don’t be afraid to pick on a woman. When you approach a door, point at it and with a smirk, say, “This is the twenty first century. Can you get the door for me?”
The key would be eye contact and a small, but confident smile while saying this. It’s sure to turn into a teasing/flirting thing if you play it right.
PLUS it shows you’re confident in yourself to the extent that you don’t have to pander to her.

There is a time to be a gentleman, but don’t try to throw it on her on the first date. Be real and be the occasion. If you take her to a restaurant that is super expensive Then hold the door, open the car, etc. BUT DON’T TAKE HER TO A PLACE LIKE THAT ON THE FIRST DATE.
AGAIN doing that would just tell her that you are trying to buy her and she will probably let you do that for a while (It’s called being played).

First dates should be walks through the neighborhood, coffee shops, or something small – maybe a movie, but movies are usually better second dates.

Wow, some of you guys need to get a grip. I would much rather have a nice guy than one who makes a comment like “This is the twenty first century. Can you get the door for me?”
If a guy ever talked to me that way I promise you he would not be recieving another date. I have dated many bad boys and personally I prefer the “nice” guys over th bad boys. Just be yourself and don’t try to be someone you are not. Women like men who are honest. Trust me it will pay off in the end.

You gotta be bold and confident. I once got a much younger hottie to show me her goodies while riding in the back of a commuter bus and then later we . . . , well you get the picture. No guts, no glory! Wish I had figured this out when I was in my teens, but didn’t get it until well into my 30s.

These people suggesting that being a jerk is the way to a womans heart make me wonder what strange substance they have been smoking, because their version of reality is so far off in terms of finding a woman who is worth being around. Instead, find the way between being a wuss and a jerk for the win. Yes, for the best chance of success you should be strong and confident, not let a woman take advantage of you nor make yourself her lapdog. But you should also show that you are considerate and are willing to use that power to help her. Be someone she is proud to be seen around, and let her know you are proud to be seen around her. Only by having both parts of a couple be strong and confident can the couple be the best it can be, and only in that way will both get the most out of the relationship that they can.