Dear Yvonne,
I’m living with a boyfriend for the first time and we’re into dividing chores equally. I was wondering if you think that sorting dirty laundry with a significant other can begin to breakdown passionate feelings of excitement? Would you suggest keeping your intimate items like dirty underwear from the other to help prevent that?
—Cherlynn

Dear Cherlynn,
Seeing the other’s unsightly laundry is going to happen at some point. In the past, it has typically been the woman who has had to deal with dirty laundry, killing her passion first. One way to look at this: Gender equality. So increasing other efforts to maintain eroticism can be more of a team effort. Also, some people can actually get aroused by washing the sheets, for example, finding stains from the last time they had sex, or still being able to smell the other’s scent on their clothes. Plus, doing things together builds bonding.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

On May 21, 2009, Linda Fleming, a woman with terminal pancreatic cancer, took a fatal overdose of medications prescribed by her physician to end her life.  She thus became the first person to commit suicide under the “Death with Dignity” law that passed the state legislature November 4, 2008 and took effect during March.

The law in Washington State is modeled after one that has been on the books in Oregon since 1997.  About 400 people have ended their lives through physician-assisted suicide in that state.

Under the assisted suicide law in Washington, a patient who is terminally ill and legally competent and who two physicians agree has only 6-months to live, can request lethal medication.  The request needs to be made verbally on two occasions, 15 days apart, followed by a written request witnessed by two people.  The medication is dispensed by a pharmacy.  Patients take the medication themselves, rather than having a doctor administer it to them.

I’ve counseled people battling fatal illnesses.  I’ve watched a friend struggle against cancer.  I’ve told family members in ICUs and ERs that their loved ones have died.  So I know how much pain can come at the end of life, when an illness takes hold. 

I understand where the desire for a law like Washington’s comes from.  It’s a tribute to human empathy that lawmakers resonated with the suffering of terminally ill patients enough to pass it.  But I wouldn’t have voted for it myself. 

Alleviating the suffering of 400 or so patients since 1997 in Oregon has carried a pretty high price tag.  It has opened the door to thinking of the medical profession not entirely as one devoted to prolonging life, but as one that is also empowered to help end lives.  And this can leave patients feeling as though they ought to consider suicide when they are given terminal diagnoses.  They ought to be reasonable, not just with what they are willing to go through, but with what they put their families and friends through.  They ought not expend health care resources needlessly in their final months.  Their clinicians aren’t only thinking about what treatment options to provide, after all.  They’re thinking about other patients who have elected to forego treatment and hasten death. 

I fear the law can also take away some of the motivation of doctors to “pull a rabbit out of a hat” and save a patient’s life.  There’s a reason you wouldn’t want soldiers going into battle who are also trained in the etiquette of surrender.  You’d worry it might unconsciously take away their edge, chip away a little bit at their determination to take that hill.

At present, the criteria which must be met under the Death with Dignity Law sound rational.  But laws are not static entities.  Now that the door to physician assisted suicide is open, the Death with Dignity law could be amended in the future, perhaps to include those who might not die for twelve months, or longer.  How about those who suffer unbearably from medical conditions that will only worsen over the years?  If we are willing to use the medical profession to help end the lives of those who have but six months to live, how about those who become quadriplegic and say they cannot bear it?

It is psychologically and spiritually perilous to do harm to the magnificent will to live that keeps us fighting for another day.  And it is no less dangerous to blur the mandate of physicians to try to win that fight, however daunting, however seemingly futile.  The physician’s white coat has meaning—to doctors and their patients.  It must remain a bright beacon of the healing powers of the profession, not a flag of surrender to the inevitable.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s Web site at livingthetruth.com.

Dear Yvonne,
My partner wants to keep the bathroom door open when the other is in there and doesn’t understand why it’s a problem for me. He says it’s a statement of our level of intimacy. Is keeping the door open or closed really a commentary on the intimacy of the relationship? Do you have any advice?
—Shawn

Dear Shawn,
Keeping the bathroom door closed versus open in coupledom is more of an indicator of people’s privacy norms and issues around bathroom habits, for example, taking care of bodily functions. Both are rooted in how they were raised — how their families handled bathroom privacy and self-care in that space.

While some people read the “door open” policy as more intimate, others would say it’s an intimacy killer. Every couple needs to negotiate what’s right for them and provide rationale for where they stand. I’ve found, for example, that people from large families who had to share one bathroom do not find it as big a deal to see others doing their thing as those who are not used to such circumstances. (This is not to generalize members of big families, however.)

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

It is that time of year again … ‘Tis the season for barbeques!! Although barbeques are great for the whole family, BBQ foods can be high in saturated fat, low in fiber and packed with calories. If you are trying to maintain your shape or lose a few pounds for bikini season, don’t fret, there are so many healthy and delicious foods to substitute.

Tanya’s Tips

1) Simply grill it: With barbeques comes barbeque sauce. One tablespoon of sweet barbeque sauce has 20 calories, 4 carbohydrates and no fiber. Although this doesn’t seem like a lot of calories, who only uses 1 tablespoon of BBQ sauce? Eliminating sauces can be an easy way to cut calories.

2) Choose lean protein: Lean meats, such as chicken, fish, turkey and sirloin provide less calories, saturated fat and cholesterol than high-fat meats, such as hot dogs, and full-fat hamburger meat. One ounce of lean protein has 45-65 less calories, and 5-8 grams less fat than high-fat meat. Opt for chicken or shrimp skewers, and if your hamburger craving is a must, chose USDA Select or Choice grades of lean beef trimmed of fat, such as ground sirloin.

3) Choose whole-grain buns: Whole-grain products have more fiber than white bread. Remember, fiber is the indigestible part of carbohydrate that provides bulk without any calories. Fiber fills you up without filling you out.

4) Skip the potato and pasta salads: Traditionally-made potato and pasta salads are loaded with calories and fat. They provide excess calories in the form of carbohydrate without any fiber, which may cause drops in blood sugar, making you feel lethargic and irritable an hour after you eat them. Instead, make a big salad mixed with all your favorite veggies. Spinach and rocket lettuce are in season — or throw some sliced vegetables on the grill — asparagus is also in season and grills very nicely.

5) Choose your alcohol wisely: Alcohol is allowed on the F-Factor diet, however, some choices are better than others. So, if you want to have a drink in the shade and you are a beer-lover, try low-carb beer. Otherwise, chilled white wine is always yummy or vodka and Crystal Light tastes great, especially when it is blended with some ice!!

6) Don’t forget to hydrate: Although alcohol is allowed on the F-Factor diet, drinking in the sun can speed up the effects of alcohol. Alcohol plus sun can equal headache and dehydration. Therefore, it is important to drink adequate water when the sun is hot, especially if you are drinking alcohol. Drinking 6-8, 8 oz. glasses of water every day is great for your skin, helps regulate bowel function and will prevent dehydration, so don’t forget to DRINK UP!

F-Factor Best Bets

*On the Grill – a serving size is about 4-5 oz.

Depending on how lean the meat you buy is, this will vary. Try to get lean meat, trimmed of fat.

Instead of Potato Salad and Cole Slaw – Try this!

Tanya’s House Salad

1 bag romaine hearts (or spinach, rocket lettuce)
1 bag baby carrots
2 celery hearts
1 red pepper
1 seedless cucumber
1 box cherry tomatoes
1 14-ounce can hearts of palm
1 14-ouce can garbanzo beans
1 red onion

Tanya Zuckerbrot, MS, RD is a nutritionist and founder of www.Skinnyandthecity.com.    She is also the creator of The F-Factor Diet™, an innovative nutritional program she has used for more than ten years to provide hundreds of her clients with all the tools they need to achieve easy weight loss and maintenance, improved health and well-being.  For more information log onto www.FFactorDiet.com.

Twitter, for anyone left on the planet who doesn’t know, is a free social network on which users update their “followers” about where they are, what they’re doing or what they think — up to the minute.  Essentially, it is a way to shotgun micro-blogs about your life (called tweets) to an audience of email pals you gather.  Ashton Kutcher has over 1,000,000 people following his posts.  I think my babysitter has about 100.

Twitter sounds like fun.  It seems pretty harmless.  And it’s really catching on, with over 50 million monthly visitors and a growth rate far surpassing 1000 percent per year.

There’s something troubling about Twitter psychologically, though.  You could say the same for Facebook or MySpace and YouTube, but Twitter is potentially bigger trouble than any of the others.  That’s because it can turn people into instant, mini-reality show versions of themselves — into entertainers, removed a little bit or a whole lot from their real feelings, genuine thoughts and true connections to others.

See, sending out tweets to “followers” isn’t a lot different than reporting your life as though you’re your own member of the paparazzi.  It presumes that people care what you’re up to, which may not be entirely true and can be the growing place for narcissism.  Narcissism, by the way, is unreasonable self-love, and it’s reaching epidemic proportions in this country.  Young people think the world of themselves, even as their performance academically and in many other arenas declines.

Reporting on your own life story can also make you tend toward the dramatic in your daily existence.  After all, who wants to send out boring tweets?  You need to be reporting on adventure, romance, and, above all, conflict.  As any decent screenwriter will tell you, people tune out if there’s no conflict.  But when did we decide that being a human being, even an interesting human being, meant being “watchable” enough for people to “tune into” your broadcasts? 

We didn’t decide any such thing.  The yielding of humanity to technology, the bleeding of our true selves into fake profiles we manufacture for semi-public digestion has been a largely unconscious slippery slope.  Technology has pushed us there.  Media has pushed us there.  Celebrities hell-bent on making us worship them have pushed us there.  But more than anything, our own discomfort with being real people, our own anxieties about whether we really matter, doubts about whether we are lovable and fear of our own mortality has pushed us there.

Recently, surgeons have gotten into the Twitter game.  They are broadcasting complex surgeries with constant tweets written up by OR staff so families or the general public can get up-to-the-minute reports about kidney transplants and the like.  Doctors even do little PR tours about breaking new ground with their twittering.  Well, guess what?  I don’t want my doctor playing media darling while he or she is working inside my body.  And I don’t need nurses hoping to be mentioned on a tweet.  I want them focused on reality, on life and death, on me.

Here’s the really scary part.  Twitter isn’t the end of the self-broadcasting phenomenon.  There will be son of Twitter.  And we will be that much further along the slippery slope to being actors in our own life stories, devoid of anything real, looking only for drama.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s Web site at livingthetruth.com.

Many parents across the country are looking to support their child’s educational experience in any way they can. Often times, this means hiring a tutor to work one-on-one with your child. There are many reasons for seeking educational support outside the regular school day. Your child may be having a difficult time in one subject area or he could be struggling in all subject areas across the board. Your child may learn best from a specialized means of instruction, such as Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy. Many parents hire tutors to maintain their child’s academic skills over the summer, or to have a leg up on the upcoming school year. These tips can be used to choose a tutor for a child with any academic or social needs.

Click here to watch a video on ABA therapy.

• Ask your child’s principal to recommend someone on staff. This ensures that the person has a valid state teaching certification and classroom experience. The principal also has a good feel for his or her staff’s personalities and may recommend someone who he or she thinks is a good match for your child.
• Check the potential tutor’s credentials. Ask for a resume, even if you know he/she is a classroom teacher. You should look to see if he/she has spent a long time at one school, which signifies he/she has developed good working relationships with staff and students.
• Ask for references. Anyone who is confident in his/her skills and has had positive relationships with other families will be more than happy to have you speak with past clients.
• Set up an interview, even if you only have one candidate. You want someone who is articulate and communicates well. He or she will be helping your child with a subject that is challenging — so you want him or her to communicate effectively. There are many bright people with great credentials who have difficulty explaining their area of expertise.
• Once you’ve chosen someone, have them work in a common space in your home. Listen to how he or she works with your child. Listen to his/her tone — see if he or she gets frustrated when your child has a difficult time. Staying close-by gives you an opportunity to observe without being intrusive.

Tutors can be expensive. Check with local colleges to see if they offer free or low-cost tutoring given by students in the education program. Many education programs require students to practice the instructional strategies taught in class. This type of tutoring is beneficial because education students are typically very eager to apply these strategies correctly and gain hands-on experience. Professors may observe the tutoring sessions and give the education student feedback on how to improve their work with your child. It’s like having two tutors for the price of one!

Before your child begins working with his new tutor, ask his classroom teacher for specific topics the tutor should cover. Teachers are often grateful to have support reviewing topics at home because of the time constraints in school.

Once the tutoring has begun, check in with the tutor after each session. Ask specific questions, like “What did she have the most trouble with?” or “Is there something I can review with her during the week?” This gives the tutor an opportunity to discuss your child’s progress and feel like a part of her educational team.

Give the tutor and your child time to establish a relationship. Keep in mind, this person may be new to your child and it may take time for him to feel comfortable. By the third or fourth session, they should be settling into a routine and working well together. Also remember, this person is working on subjects that are challenging for your child. Your child may not jump for joy when it’s tutoring time, but he should sit down willingly.

Finding someone to work with your child at home may feel challenging, but using these tips will speed up the process and ensure you find a good match for your child’s needs.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

 I don’t want to be picky, but I have to admit that as a fear expert I was more affected by President Obama’s statement a few weeks ago in response to the emerging swine flu threat that we should all wash our hands, then I was to Vice President Biden’s blatant misstatement about not flying on planes. Let me explain: clearly, we carry many bacteria and viruses on our hands, and in fact most of our stomach viruses as well as cold viruses are passed back and forth this way. It is hard to fault anyone for recommending hand washing, but consider that Obama’s statement carried the subliminal message that we might be carrying this virus, despite the fact that the statistical chances of that then and now remain extremely low.

The president followed that up by asking Congress for $1.5 billion to prepare us for this flu, an amount that seems totally reasonable until you consider what other health care needs it might be taken away from. Stockpiles of the anti-flu drug Tamiflu will have to be discarded if they aren’t used in 5 years, and we still have no idea what the extent of spread or severity of this swine flu virus will be. Preparing a vaccine seems wise, taking needed resources away from current pandemics like TB, HIV, or even the yearly flu does not.   It is paramount that at a time when our government is considering expanding the system for health coverage, that issues of allocation and proper use of resources be at the top of the list.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has been front and center during the initial stages of the swine flu outbreak, and they have been very effective at identifying and tracking the virus, somewhat less effective at explaining it in context during press conferences (this may have something to do with the nature of the beast – press conferences themselves immediately become amplified).

I have more of a bone to pick with the World Health Organization in terms of their poor conveyance of contextual information. The WHO all too often seems like “fright night” though they too have been tremendous when it comes to “boots on the ground.”

Check out my article in today’s Slate magazine about how the WHO has dealt with swine flu.

Dr. Marc Siegel is an internist and associate professor of medicine at the NYU School of Medicine. He is a FOX News medical contributor and writes a health column for the LA Times, where he examines TV and movies for medical accuracy. Dr. Siegel is the author of “False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear“ and “Bird Flu: Everything You Need to Know About the Next Pandemic.”  Read more at www.doctorsiegel.com

I have a party tonight and don’t want to appear bloated! Which foods should I eat and which should I avoid to keep my belly flat?

Foods to Avoid:

• Salty, highly-processed foods: Sodium causes the body to retain water, which in essence causes bloating — making you feel as big as a balloon. Avoid foods like hot dogs, which are high in both fat and sodium. Also, avoid the fast-food counter where options are usually extremely high in sodium. Avoiding any kind of salty snacks, such as pretzels and potato chips, is essential to maintaining your bikini body.  

• Gassy foods: Certain foods create more gas in your GI tract than others. This includes raw vegetables and legumes such as cauliflower, broccoli, peppers, onions and cabbage. However, many times if you cook these vegetables, they will deliver the same nutrients, but take up less room in your system leaving you feeling skinnier and ready to dress in your mini bikini.

• Chewing gum: Many people don’t realize this, but chewing gum can cause bloating because it causes you to swallow air. All that air gets trapped in your GI tract causing pressure, bloating and belly expansion.

• Sugar-free candies: Sugar free candies and gum often contain sorbitol. Sorbitol is a sugar substitute that acts as a laxative, which draws water into the large intestine. As little as four sticks of sorbitol-containing gum can cause bloating and abdominal pain.

Foods to Have:

• Fiber:  For a flat belly, try increasing your fiber intake. A healthy adult wants to aim for 25-30 grams of fiber per day. Not only will fiber help you feel full for longer, but it will also increase bowel motility helping to remove waste and avoid any bloating. The best part of fiber is that because it is the non-digestible component of plant-based foods, it will make you feel full without adding calories! Consider eating high-fiber foods such as whole-wheat breads, high-fiber cereals, whole grains, fruits and vegetables.

• Water: Not drinking enough water can cause dehydration and bloating, which is why it’s so important to drink enough water. In the summer months, it’s easy and essential to increase fluids, by adding flavored, sugar-free drink flavor packets to water bottles or fresh lemons and limes to plain water. In addition, water keeps you feeling full so you don’t confuse your hunger with thirst. Aim to drink eight 8-oz glasses of water a day, or keep a water bottle with you to help you reach your water goal!

• High-potassium foods: Eating potassium-rich foods will also help combat bloating during bikini season. Potassium counterbalances sodium — which causes water retention and bloating — and has a diuretic effect on the body. So by eating foods that are high in potassium, you can reduce bloating naturally. Foods high in potassium include bananas, papayas, kiwis, strawberries, spinach, cooked beets and broccoli.

• Increase your vitamin B6 consumption: Vitamin B6 acts as a natural diuretic, which helps to prevent bloating. It’s important never to consume more than 100 mg per day. Foods rich in vitamin B6 include yellow fin tuna, roasted chicken breast and avocado.

Tanya Zuckerbrot, MS, RD is a nutritionist and founder of www.Skinnyandthecity.com.    She is also the creator of The F-Factor Diet™, an innovative nutritional program she has used for more than ten years to provide hundreds of her clients with all the tools they need to achieve easy weight loss and maintenance, improved health and well-being.  For more information log onto www.FFactorDiet.com.

Dear Yvonne,
What should a man do to ensure he and his partner enjoy sex during pregnancy?
—Julio

Dear Julio,
When interviewing men for my book, “Your Orgasmic Pregnancy,” I found that the most critical factor for men is to get over their issues with the pregnant form. Many have trouble seeing pregnant women as sexy. Some feel a sex-guilt for having sex with a pregnant woman, and others are afraid of hurting the baby.

Men need to educate themselves about sex during pregnancy. Unless her doctor says otherwise, she’s good to go —and in many cases, rearing for action — given the increase in hormones and engorgement of blood to her genitals. Men need to let their pregnant partner lead the way when it comes to sex, at the same time taking steps to overcome their issues, from counseling to encouraging intimacy, for example, buying her a baby doll dress to cover up her bulge if it’s an issue. Finally, men need to realize that many women are their most orgasmic — and multiorgasmic — at this time. Keeping that focus can divert your attention and help you to see her more sexual and sensual than ever.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

When Drew Peterson was brought into court on charges that he murdered his third wife Kathleen Savio, he was in a good mood.  He yelled jokes to reporters about how “spiffy” his red prison jumpsuit was and called his shackles “bling.” 

Peterson is, of course, also a suspect in the 2007 disappearance of Stacy Peterson, his fourth wife.  He insists he is an innocent man.

Think of how you’d respond to being dragged into court on murder charges, especially if you were wrongly accused.  You might be terrified or confused or enraged at the injustice of your plight, but you wouldn’t be all smiles, spewing one-liners.

So how can Drew Peterson do it?

To have any hope of understanding Drew Peterson, one first has to understand human empathy.   Empathy is the ability to resonate with the feelings of others to such an extent that one actually experiences some of their joy or grief or anxiety.  It is a remarkable and inexplicable quality that we too often take for granted.  The fact that a friend can be brought to tears by a loss of yours, that you can intuit and share the worries or hopes or pride of your partner in life, or that the hunger of children thousands of miles away could spur you to action on their behalf is a tribute to this miraculous force.

Empathy does even more, though.  It helps us contain our anger and our destructive impulses, because we can imagine how it might feel to be the object of that rage.  It also helps us gauge what is appropriate language and behavior in various situations, again because we can imagine how others are likely to respond to us.  We can put ourselves in the shoes of our friends or neighbors or loved ones. 

I believe empathy is an essential ingredient in experiencing guilt, as well.  If you can’t imagine the injuries you may have done another person—can’t feel their pain in any measure—then you aren’t likely to worry over any harm you’ve done them.  The absence of empathy is the growing place for antisocial and narcissistic traits that set a person adrift from the interpersonal ties and sense of personal responsibility that bind the rest of us.

Drew Peterson may be largely devoid of empathy.  That’s why he just doesn’t get the fact that lobbing jokes to reporters while being dragged into court on charges he murdered a young woman is bizarre and macabre.  It’s why he believed he’d come across as credible on television during the media tour he orchestrated after the disappearance of Stacy Peterson.  It’s why he probably is confident a jury will acquit him (which, of course, it could).  Peterson may not be able to put himself in the place of others—at all.

One of the most toxic manifestations of having no empathy, of course, is that it leaves those without it free to inflict suffering on others.  There’s no wincing at causing them pain, even death.  In the forest of pure narcissistic and antisocial traits that grow in soil without roots of empathy, only self-preservation and one’s own needs matter.  No one and nothing else really does.

If Drew Peterson killed Kathleen Savio or is responsible for the disappearance of Stacy Peterson or both, he isn’t worried about any of that.  He’s busy with the opportunity to showcase what he believes is his extraordinary charm and intelligence and wit.  And he thinks you and I and every reporter and every judge and every juror will be mesmerized.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s Web site at livingthetruth.com.