A Missing Daughter
Dawn Drexel, the mother of missing teen Brittanee Drexel, told WHEC News 10 in Rochester, N.Y. that she believes her daughter may have been kidnapped or may not be alive.
Brittanee, 17, has been missing since April 25 when she went to Myrtle Beach, S.C., for spring break.
Brittanee’s mother is no longer a stranger to the darkest possible chapter in a parent’s life story: the feared or actual loss of a child.
I have worked with several parents who have survived their own children. I have struggled with them against tides of grief that seem never to recede, but simply to become more expected, so they lose the power to sweep these bereaved mothers and fathers off their feet.
Losing a child lays bare the miraculous connections that can hold families together through thick and thin. No matter how contentious the relationships mothers and fathers may have with their children, the bond between them can’t be reproduced or entirely obliterated. At the ages of 50 and 60 (and older), my patients still want to make sense of the way they related to their parents in childhood, young adulthood and beyond. They are still sons and daughters, even if they have lost their parents.
So Dawn Drexel, brave enough to speak to the media at an unspeakable moment, may wander tonight into Brittanee’s room. Maybe she’ll lie down on her daughter’s bed, maybe she’ll let herself smell her daughter’s pillow. She may think she hears Brittanee’s footsteps or voice or her car pulling into the driveway. That’s no surprise when we consider the sounds of togetherness that come to play like music in the backgrounds of our daily lives, sounds that we stop hearing after a while, maybe because we take them for granted, maybe because no parent’s heart could maintain its rhythm while bearing full witness to the unspeakable, unfathomable beauty of one’s own child. We don’t hear a tenth of what we could, if we thought the music might end.
For those of you reading these words — the lucky parents out there with children still close enough to hug, I hope you’ll give it a try tonight. Sit for a few minutes and listen to the sounds of your children in the house: their footsteps, their fingers clicking keys on a computer, the opening and closing of their closet doors, their voices on the phone and their breathing as they sleep. Let yourself marvel at the fact that your life has spawned another life and that you have the continuing, rare and wonderful opportunity to shape not only your existence, but that of another human being. Let yourself smile at the thought of their favorite toys (if they’re still young enough), their favorite clothes, the posters on their walls, their best friends, the sports they’ve come to enjoy, the hopes and dreams they’ve embraced.
Stay silent a minute longer. Then close your eyes, think about Dawn Drexel and her missing daughter Brittanee and pray for them both.
I’m going to do that right now. My children are asleep, a few dozen feet away from me. I am a lucky man and I know it.
Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com.
Tags: Brittanee Drexel, children, computer, Dawn Drexel, grief, Keith Ablow, kidnapped, loss, Myrtle Beach, N.Y., parents, relationships, Rochester, South Carolina, spring break, teens
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Nice weepy weepy stuff. But the preventative isn’t not to take one’s children for granted, but rather to become a full-time, engaged parent who is closely involved in, and when necessary exercises control over, the child’s behavior and choices. And for those parents who seek affirmation by granting their children all kinds of decision-making freedom way too early in life in the guise of “learning,” I say hogwash!
I HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS, ONE OF WHICH IS 18 YEARS OLD AND GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL. I KNOW THE TIME HAS COME TO LET GO BUT HONESTLY WITH ALL THE CRAZINESS IN THE WORLD I AM FEARFUL THAT HER TRIP TO COLLEGE AWAY FROM ME WILL HIT HOME THAT THE CLICKING ON THE COMPUTER KEYS AND THE FOOTSTEPS IN THE HOUSE DAILY ARE GONE. I STILL HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD THAT KEEPS ME BUSY BUT YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT ENJOYING AND BLESSING WHAT WE HAVE BECAUSE IN A MATTER OF A SECOND IT COULD BE ALL GONE. I DO PRAY FOR EVERY CHILD OUT THERE THAT IS ABDUCTED OR LOST. IT IS A TERRIBLE THING AND I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO ENDURE THAT.
wow- amazing statement- there is so much power behind this truth. I’m calling my son right now.
Dr. Ablow always gets it right. In the hustle and bustle of living our lives we need to take time to enjoy our children. I pray for Dawn Drexel and her strength at this time. I also pray that her daughter will be found safe. Thank you Dr. Ablow for your insight and wisdom.
Oh what a beautiful piece of writing-it makes my heart ache. I am praying for Brittanie and her family.
Thank you, Dr. Ablow. This story breaks my heart — such a beautiful girl. My thoughts and prayers go out to her mother and family. I want to thank you for tasking us to listen to the sounds of our children, of our family. Too often, we as parents are doing a lot of talking and making so much noise of our own, and as you say, we stop hearing the sounds of love and life in our homes. And thank you for the reminder of how important we are in our children’s lives even far beyond the first 18 years. Personally, one of my absolute favorite childhood memories involves sounds — the sounds of adults laughing and talking in the living room, while we children lay in bed, ready to nod off. It is a jewel of a sound and I can hear it in my sweetest memories to this day, many decades later.
Again, Thank you. Tonight, I shall sharpen my ears and soften my own voice in order to relish the sweet sounds.
Never take life and your children and grandchildren for granted. Savor every minute.
HI Dawn Drexel,
I will keep you in my thoughts
and know that your
beautiful daughter is trying to find you.
A mother’s love can never be replaced
just as your precious daughter thinks of you now.
Richard, do you have children? You sound so heartless like you are blaming the mother. Maybe when you lose someone you’ll think twice about judging others. Nobody needed your comments. Keep them to yourself.
This sounds like one of those urban legends, you know, teenager goes off on spring break without parent’s permission, tricks parents and then is never found again. Out of all the kids on Spring Break, the odds of it happening to this one girl at this one time are crazy.
The best choice that I ever made was to be a stay at home mother. I am still involved with my children and they will be 16 (daughter) and 17 (son) years old this summer.
We have great times together. I volunteer at their school and spend time with them and their friends; taking a group places and to eat, they love to eat.
Just listen to their thoughts and ideas, kids love that. Several of their friends call me mom too.
My children will hug and kiss me at school in front of anyone and so do many of their friends.
I can not get enough of them and I have a great relationship with both of them and their friends.
Children are a gift from God, cherish every moment of it.
Communication is important. Be involved, it is okay to ask questions and know everything about them.
My biggest fear for the last 27 years, was losing my daughter through any type of tragedy. I once said that if anything ever hapened to her, I’d never recover. I was amazed at the amount of love inside of me.
She moved 50 miles away after graduation and it was hard at first but then I got used to it. In the fall she and her boyfriend are moving to San Francisco and I’m feeling the same sadness.
She met her father for the first time a couple days when she went to Seattle. I’m still so happy for her and him. I know he’s out west if she ever needs somewhere to go so that’s a good thing and I know she’ll be safe.
This poor mother has to be going through the worst pain of “not knowing” and I’m sure she feels regret for every scolding, not enough I love yous (even if she said it 20 times a day) and the reliving of her child’s smiles and hugs. I always tend to think back to the days I was the hero when I go through my memories.
God Bless and Help Her. I can only imagine her pain and anxiety.
Brittanee Drexel is not the only missing student under these circumstances. Remember Brian Shaffer? How about Maura Murray, Michael Negrete, Josh Guimond, or Justin Gains. They are all still missing.
There are three Canadian engineering students that walked away just like Brittanee. Two of them are from the same school.
Indiana State University now has two missing student cases.
The first case recorded on the Internet is Ron Tammen. He walked away from Miami of Ohio in 1953.
Dr. Ablow might help stop these incidents if he visited VisionAndPsychosis.Net and wrote a review of the site.
I totally understand. I lost my son when he was just four months old after open-heart surgery. For months I continued to wake in the middle of the night because I thought I heard him. After about 4 months, the sounds started fading. I quit actually getting up to go to him but would still wake up thinking I heard him. There is no describing the bond between a mother and a child. I now have a 19 year old daughter that I have cherished from her birth. Every age has been my favorite age and there is no breaking the bond. She is my world. I never take for granted the sounds in the house of knowing she is near. They are sweet sounds to me even through her teenage years when I didn’t always like all the things she liked. Children are a true blessing and gifts.
My heart goes out to this mom, Dawn. None of us who have not walked in those shoes can know exactly what this is like. I pray Britanee is found safe and alive
But I do have to agree with Richard on this one… when the mom found out the her daughter had gone against her and went to Myrtle Beach anyway- she should have carried herself down there and brought her back. Instead of just keeping in contact by phone and texting. This young lady went against what her mom said. Young people today are screaming out for boundaries and they are testing to see if we parents love them enough to enforce the boundaries we set.
If she had a history of being depressed- and there was any sign that the impeding divorce was causing symptoms, she should have been getting her help. I’m sure the mom is thinking about all this now.
Yes, I have children- 3 boys all teenagers and I have let my kids make choices, and yet they pretty much know when I say no… my no, is no. If they do it anyway, there are consequences to pay. Doesn’t matter how strong willed.
Praying for her to be found.
Very touching article. It really conveys the thoughts of so many . . . even me, without children. Your insight and thoughfullness means a lot as we hope that Brittanee and many others will come home safely. Thank you.