Sexpert Q&A: Bathroom Intimacy
Dear Yvonne,
My partner wants to keep the bathroom door open when the other is in there and doesn’t understand why it’s a problem for me. He says it’s a statement of our level of intimacy. Is keeping the door open or closed really a commentary on the intimacy of the relationship? Do you have any advice?
—Shawn
Dear Shawn,
Keeping the bathroom door closed versus open in coupledom is more of an indicator of people’s privacy norms and issues around bathroom habits, for example, taking care of bodily functions. Both are rooted in how they were raised — how their families handled bathroom privacy and self-care in that space.
While some people read the “door open” policy as more intimate, others would say it’s an intimacy killer. Every couple needs to negotiate what’s right for them and provide rationale for where they stand. I’ve found, for example, that people from large families who had to share one bathroom do not find it as big a deal to see others doing their thing as those who are not used to such circumstances. (This is not to generalize members of big families, however.)
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”
Tags: bathroom intimacy, comfort level, Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, partners, privacy, relationship
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Let’s ALL close the door when we go!
Amen, Mel!
Reference your article Reasons He’s Just Not That Into You. How about the biggest reason: The guy just eventually gets tired of hearing ‘NO’, or any stupid reason for ‘NO’, that he finally gives up trying/asking. To me that is the BIGGEST reason.
Carl, Amen… Not just tired of hearing but it would seem that a woman can say “no” and it’s fine. But, the man says “no” or I’m tired or any other number of reasons and it’s a catastrophe. Something must be “WRONG”.. give me a break. Maybe he’s tired. Maybe they’ve been arguing and he’s not a peace with things, yet. Good LORDY
It’s no one’s business but mine if I want to shut the door when I’m using the bathroom. My lord–am I the only one who has noticed lately how nearly every movie now has an obligatory potty cam shot–which usually has absolutely nothing to do with the plot or story–just to show off that we are so cool with our bodies, supposedly. I’m sick of society dictating my privacy standards. That goes for vomit cam in movies also, by the way–what is that about?
Reference your article Reasons He’s Just Not That Into You. I’m glad these guys are around. I’ve been satisfying their wives for years while they are at work or off hunting with the boys. Keep it up.
My wife and I always close the bathroom door. I don’t feel the need to see my wife poop to feel close to her. I see her often enough and would much rather let her have her privacy during such moments. I respect her and want her to feel confident, composed and at her best. We are not Siamese twins. We are individuals who love one another. I think it is way beyond irrational to say that leaving the bathroom door open is requisite to true intimacy. I think anyone who suggests this has issues with being insecure in the relationship and needs to grow up.
my girl droppin’ a big ol’ steamer…yeah, that’s just what i wanna see and hear…
what’s wrong with this dude? close the friggin door!
I was raised to shut the door when going so I do…’nuff said.
Right on, Carl and Bear! I am a very sexual being, as are most men and women. I let the women I am with know it up front so they can make a choice to be with me or not. I don’t want sex 24/7 but when I’ve had a rough day at work and I need a stress release, the last thing I want to hear is “no,” especially if there is no good reason. The headache excuse will never work with me since sex is an excellent way to get rid of a headache. After a few times of hearing no, I move on and these women get put to the curb.
If that is the only issue you are lucky man. When I first got married my wife would burst into the bathroom while I was makin dookey and sit on my lap. Talk about uncomfortable, you’ll get used to it though.
Do you mean bathroom or do you mean toilet. In the U. K. and in Europe generally bathroom is where you have a bath or a shower. People not only leave the bathroom door open when they shower but invite cameras in to broadcast on air if you are to believe the adverts. Many commercials show people under the shower and in some holiday resorts in France the showers are mixed and open. Toilets are different usually a little cubicle with a good reading light where members of the household can lock themselves up alone to read peacefully. In the states where bathrooms are the size of a reception room perhaps everybody can go in together and bring a cup of coffee for the person most busy.