An Open Letter to Joe Jackson
Dear Mr. Jackson:
The occasion of your child’s death is a moment when all parents, including me, offer you every wish for strength and God’s healing power in the face of your loss. Any father or mother can sense the tragedy it is to lose a son or daughter, yet no one who has not suffered such a loss can truly know your pain.
I would write no more than this were it not for the fact that you have used the occasion of your son’s passing and the attendant publicity to also promote your own business ventures, including your new record label. This makes me feel it important, as a psychiatrist with access to the media, to reach out to you, with other parents and their adult children “listening” in.
The foundation of our nation assures each person in this great country of certain inalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Great leaders and courageous soldiers have safeguarded these rights for our citizens, and they would make a decent Bill of Rights for parents raising children, too. Fathering a child, you see, means far more than participating in a child’s conception and witnessing his birth; it means doing everything possible to optimize that child’s life. This requires many acts of love and self-sacrifice. It pays immeasurable dividends in the growing self-confidence and autonomy you witness developing in the child you care so much about.
Somehow, perhaps because of pain suffered in your own early life experience, you stole that God-given potential for healthy development from your son. You have admitted lashing him with a belt or a switch when he failed to perform dance steps to your standards. According to him, you called him ugly when acne affected him as a teenager. You brutalized him by placing your own pathologic need for control and for “success” above his needs for security and comfort and self-esteem. In a very real way, you buried enough of his love for himself that he was no longer comfortable with his race or age or sexuality or even his great fortune. Trying to please a father who beats you with a belt for missing a dance step will do that to you.
Now, even when saying goodbye to your son, you think of yourself and your business. You are deprived of a purer life and love. This makes me feel badly for you, but feel worse for the son you injured so deeply.
Some will see you only as a monster. I know that monsters are made through cruelties suffered in life; they never spring fully-formed onto the planet.
In your quiet moments, I hope that you can dig up the roots of the emotional and physical violence you visited upon your child. One of the wonderful things about still being on the planet is that you always have some chance to win back the potential for real humanity buried inside you.
Here’s a hint: Success or failure in becoming human isn’t measured in record sales or reflected in the lenses of television cameras. You have to look much, much deeper.
Tags: abuse, brutalize, cardiac arrest, Dr. Keith Ablow, emotional abuse, father, gender, heart attack, Joe Jackson, media, Michael Jackson, mother, publicity, race, security, self-esteem, self-sacrifice, sexuality, son, Success
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Beautifully written. I think there are many parents that this applies to and I hope that, for some, it sparks motivation for change and growth.
Amen to that Dr Ablow…I too agree with you . My Lord you selfish man shame on you Joe Jackson. May Michael rest in peace! VIKKI IN cALLY
VERY well done Doc and more then true !! If a person , ANY person doesnt seek in LIFE their inner workings much of the LIFE upon this rock is lost and of little matter . ! But oh how ” The World ” loves our silly not even truley real …………… IMAGES !!
m the f
Word, Dr. Ablow!!!
One of the ten commandments: Thou shalt not kill.
Joe Jackson KILLED the youth of his son.
Do you really expect this letter to make such a self-involved, 80 yr old see the error of his ways?!Please!! I know people who were treated far worse than MJ and managed to live a decent life without being billionaires. After you are 18, you are still an abused child, but you have control over how you define yourself as an adult.
Wow, Dr. Keith, what a courageous article you have written. I found it extremely fascinating. When one thinks of all the paths that the life of MJ has taken, it is very difficult not to at least look at his early years.
As a man, he still seemed so fragile and fearful. It seems that early in his life he was not protected against fears or nurtured through his issues to cultivate a strength and resiliency inthat is needed in adulthood. Clearly, he experienced more fear than most adults and it is apparent that he was not given a realistic view of the world.
It is a tragic case in so many facets and on so many levels. Many people failed MJ, and in the end he failed himself. Now, sadly, his children will be left without a father’s love.
Next time maybe the world will take better care of their genuises.There will never be another Michael Jackson. Not in our lifetime anyway.. I mourn this man as if he were a family member. What his father did to him and continued to do to him as an adult really makes me feel like I have been punched in the stomach. How dare he?
I read this a couple of days ago and have thought about it quite a few times since. I do hope that someone in his circle prints this up and puts it in front of Joe Jackson. Being a selfish, narcissistic man, he probably won’t read it but that’s fine because his refusal to do so should be telling to all who witness the refusal.
Also, I want to add something for Janet Jackson and her family members who attempted an intervention a couple of years ago, just in case any of them should read here and that is an apology.
For a couple of decades now, I’ve thought poorly of you for not trying to stop Michael from his incessant cosmetic surgeries. I thought that if one of my brothers were doing that to himself, I’d tell him to see a psychologist instead. If that didn’t work, I’d try to have him committed for being a potential harm to himself. I would kidnap him if I had to. And since the self-mutilation was happening before his strange and inappropriate behaviors with children had started, perhaps forcing him into psychiatric care for the surgeries would have stopped the inappropriate behavior with kids before it started.
Then I learned about the attempted intervention and why it failed. It never occurred to me that someone as wealthy as Michael would, of course, have a manned security gate and could easily have family turned away or even removed from the property if he so wished. So, I’m sorry for thinking poorly of you. You tried and that’s all anyone can do.
While you are trying to make a point, the bible tells us to “judge not lest you be judged.” “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Pray for Mr. Jackson and his family. Better yet, pray for the world and peace. God bless you.
Speaking of promoting, what is this at the end of your letter:
Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s Web site at livingthetruth.com.
Ablow has balls of steel!
Finally, some powerful words from a psychiatrist on the abusive and bizarre father of Michael Jackson — and parents of that bent everywhere. A world full of fans and observers felt Michael’s pain. The best way to honor Michael is to protect his children. Thank you, Dr. Ablow.
Thank you, Dr. Ablow. It’s about time someone said something publicly about this guy. He doesn’t appear to be grieving on the outside. He just appears to be mad, which is apparently what he is most of the time. I pity the entire family if this man is truly promoting himself in his most famous son’s death.
” the sins of the father fall on the children “
“the sins of the father will fall on the children…”
I’m compeletly speechless and glad that you have voiced your opinion to Joe. I just can’t imagine after his sons death he would only think about money.
To Sheila who wrote “judge not lest you be judged”…the bible condemns certain behaviours…lying, cheating, stealing, having sex without marriage etc. It is not judging to condemn those behaviors that have already been condemned by our Creator. The behaviors it tells us NOT to judge are those that are personal choices that are not condemned in the bible…eating meat…drinking alcohol in moderation…wearing a particular color…and saying someone can’t be a christian because they do this. Joe Jackson’s behavior is condemned in the bible so it doesn’t meet the requirement of that scripture. What is the purpose of our God protecting the bible all these years if not to point out where man is falling short of perfection?????
I loved and take to heart “I know that monsters are made through cruelties in life”…my mother emotionally abused me and I try to always keep that front and center when she makes her attempts to manipulate me now. I’m so grateful for good therapy and I wish MJ could have had the same, it made me sane enough to find a happy life and know a good relationship from a bad one…
….great letter, there is hope for transformation at any age, God and his creatures willing…
Finally, someone “said it outloud.!” Thanks for the riveting yet painfully honest commentary. Maybe, just maybe, Joe will take a long, hard look at himself…for that we can only pray. God Bless your continued work, Dr. Ablow.