Actually, woman such as myself find that we crave more sex. My libido has increased tremendously after 40 instead of going down. Why, you tell me. Dee

I am a 61 year old widowed female from the south. With my generation and culture, sex was never a big thing. And never discussed! After my husband died 11 years ago, and having gone through menopause ( I thought), I decided personal relations were over for me. Then I met this 65 year old Latin from Manhattan, and married him 3 months ago. I never knew what sex was until I married him. He is from a different culture and views sex toally different. Never had such a wonderful on-going sex life until now. He is hot!! This is just to show , that with the right partner, at any age, sex can be wonderful!!!

I am 40 and in a 3-year relationship with a woman a few years older than me. In 25 years of dating, I have generally found women around my age and younger to be immature and materialistic. For some reason, it seems to have gotten worse since the media has focused so much attention on the life styles and scandals of Paris Hilton and the like. Ladies, before you attack me, please…I did not say every woman is like that, but my experience has generally indicated women my age and younger tend to be… You know what, the sex in my current relationship is outstanding!!! My girlfriend can put many 30- and 20-somethings to shame. G Barrera is right! People from non-US cultures, particulary latin cultures, view sex completely different, and are a blast to have sex with!

Have a look at the URL: http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE5224DN20090303

Older people face greater HIV infection risks: study

A bit of an eye opener and something to be aware of.

Avraham who is in the above 50s bracket.

The way my wife’s libido has been for the last year or so, I can’t wait until she hits this stage in her life. Hopefully she’ll want to put out more than she does now.

Just wish my wife of 27 years could find an ON switch. Tired of trying to start her engine. Maybe when she is older, she will want me more than she does now! Actions speak louder than words…

Okay, I must be an unusual middle-aged woman because I’ve gotten more timid about sex as I’ve gotten older. I don’t have the cute little young and in-shape body any more and although I’m not overweight, I’m very self-conscious about my older body.

Dear K-NE — perhaps your wife’s libido is not the issue. Perhaps it is your attitude. “Put out”? Please! Sex in marriage should be the culmination of the relationship, not the definition. Perhaps if you kindly sat down and talked with her about why her “libido” is lagging, you might come closer to finding the real issue. Perhaps she is tired, overwhelmed, uncomfortable with her body, or simply doesn’t feel close to you. Once the two of you have determined the root issue, you will be one step closer to building a relationship that will have the potential for good sex. I have found that my desire to serve my spouse rather than be served — and even if I’m NOT being served — results in greater contentment in my life. And I’m not talking about “if I do this, he/she will do that”. I’m talking just serving to truly serve. That’s love.

why is there always one stupid person that suggests that just having sex is going to cause std’s or some sort of cancer? it isnt like a 50 or 60 year old is going to be walking the streets or going to clubs, chances are pretty good that they will be either have atleast a friendly relationship with the person or in an actual relationship…. people like that annoy me

My wife is nearly 66 years young. We have been married for nearly 30 years now. Our lovemaking may be less frequent but she is still a wonderful lover and a pleasure to share the be with. Remember guys, go slower, ask questions, and use lubricants if needed. Quality over quantity is wonderful.

S in Atlanta is right on! I’m a guy and guys who think their wives have a low sex drive need to look at themselves as the cause. Us men are supposed to inspire our women. Have you ever heard of a low laugh drive? Study the woman in your life… like a student in school. Find out and get interested in what she responds to and cares about. We’ve had our struggles and mostly it’s because we weren’t kind to each other and I didn’t take the time to stop and appreciate my wife’s uniqueness. Dwell with them according to KNOWLEDGE and honor them… at any age a woman would get more sexually aggressive with someone who KNOWS her and UNDERSTANDS her.

I think I have to agree with the good Dr. I am 49, married, and we have 5 kids 26 – 13. As I get older I seem to be much more interested in sex than my husband. I am in good shape, not fat and I take good care of myself just in case you are wondering…In fact, this issue has sort of become a little problem for us as I become more demanding…sort of like a role reversal. Dr. Can you address this interesting aspect of getting old; older men with a reduced libido, why that is, and what we can do about it…..

I’m 43, and am married to an older man. I never new that sex could be so wonderful!!! One of the comments made earlier, from a man, was that he hoped his wife “put out” more when she gets older, well that was the problem with my sex life with my ex-husband, he wanted me to “put out”. Believe me… if you want loving from your wife at night, you need to start loving her in the morning. We are not a piece of meat or a play toy that can be picked-up and set aside just when you want. Please treat women nicely and respectfully.

Dear S –

I’m so glad that you can psychoanalyze my whole relationship from one comment I made on a web board, using a common slang phrase.

And, I’m sorry if that one statement doesn’t live up to your expectations of how people are supposed to view sex.

Yes, sex is a great way to become closer in a relationship, but is not the definer of a relationship, I know that, I’m not a moron. But, sex is not always about “love-making”, sometimes a couple needs to just get down and dirty and f**k each other, too. And my wife agrees with this as well (before you go there), as we have talked about this before.

So please take your judgments of me, and use them on someone who needs them.

K-NE, when you only give one comment, that’s all anyone has to evaluate you by. Lighten up. No one else was using that term so it stood out a little, is all. Just sayin.

As for me, my libido went through the roof at about 47 and it hasn’t slowed down. That was 5 years ago. I’ve had several “relationships” with men, meaning we do things out of as well as in the bedroom, and dozens, maybe hundreds, of hot, “down and dirty f***ing” hookups, as you put it, Mr. K-NE . I even escorted for a couple years. How many middle aged chubby soccer moms go into THAT line of work??? It’s like I just woke up one day and realized I love sex! Before anyone goes apoplectic on me, I always play safe, I get tested every month, and I’ve NEVER had an STD of any kind, ever.

The women in my family generally live into their late 90’s. My Grandma moved into a condo in Alaska with her boyfriend when she was 92, so I guess this “pleasure gene” runs in the family!!!

Well, after reading your article on “Taboo” I would have to say that you, yourself, may be in need of a bit Taboo… Seems to be the topic of the hour, and you wrote about it a little too descriptive to be based on theory…

My wife and I have seemingly taken a sabatical with our sex-life. My health hasn’t been great for the past few years due to back surgery, but we still have desires and my wife’s dwindling menstrual cycle seems to conflict with mine (yes, men have a cycles too). I expect her sex drive to increase shortly and I sincerely hope that I will be able keep up with her physically. I love her increasing sexual aggressiveness and try to encourage her to “Jump my bones” whenever she feels the need. I think I am ready for one of those “Sexual enhancers” that are the rage on television. Maybe I can get a commercial acting job as “Smiling Pops.”

Men, women like romance and kinky stuff can be fun… Get with the game and you might be pleasantly surprized…

It is funny to read some of the men’s comments above. I am a man in his early 40’s my wife of 20 years is 40, we have 6 kids, and still have great sex. As MUCH as we did when we were 25? No, because we have kids now and many duties related to them. But we have it, and it is great, and even though we “know” each other – we also still have fun, like sneaking into the bathroom while the kids watch a movies, or showering together while they are still asleep.

Some advice men, those who are complaining, make sure SHE is put first. If you haven’t figured out that her moaning during intercourse does not mean she’s having an orgasm, you’d better find out how to bring her there and fix it! I have found that if we men will direct the attention to them, make sure they orgasm she WILL come back for more! The culture thing is B.S. I can see religion getting in the way for some, but every woman wants to enjoy it too. For us men, 60 seconds with a hot woman (for me my wife) would suffice physically – BUT ladies that does not mean we are “satisfied”. For the man who loves his woman, we want YOU to feel good too.

One more thing men……if you are a jerk all week and treat her like crap, you’re not getting it on Sunday! Why men can’t figure that out is beyond me, but if you want her – SHOW HER!

JB

ps.Dr F, You are right there on your column. I think one thing you could address more is that you women ARE NOT subservient to us men. I mean please TELL us, better yet SHOW US, what u want.

My libido has gone up as I have gotten older. Unfortunately, men my age and older are as dull as dirt in bed. I have not had a physical relationship for 5 years because I cannot seem to find a man my age who is interested. They do not take care of themselves and have hygiene issues that are a big turn off. Younger men may be better in bed but they do not share my other interests. I am looking for a life partner not a boy toy. I want a man with a brain who thinks about more than the latest sports scores and a man who will take a shower once or twice a day–PLEASE!

i was been living with my wife for more than two decade then suddenly i lose my appetite n sex with her although she’s pretty. ur right that we other nationality have different culture what we desire is to live specialy myself with someone out there in north american.

My wife and I have been married for 26 years. She’s ten years older than I am. Beginning back when the Clintons were in the White House, my wife’s sex drive started declining. It was understandable with her being cronically ill, but now, the illness is under control and things have stabalized some. However, we’ve not had ‘releations’ since then. Bleeding, pain, no matter what we do, how we do, or how slow we go or what lube we use.

The doctors have thrown up their hands with this problem. “We don’t know.” They’ve given her creams to apply locally and such, but nothing seems to help. I’ve done research on the internet, suggested things from medical sites that I’ve found, but still nothing seems to work.

I feel now like anytime I say something, do something or try to renegotiate what we do to be intimate, it’s taken as I’m trying to “pressure her into sex”, which is not the case. I’m just trying to find something that works for us. I know that mattress bouncing is pretty much out, but I’m trying to find something that replaces it.

I have read all your comments and all of you should be happy your having sex at all, even if it’s only once in awhile. I am 42, single and wanting to get into a relationship that I can have such issues. At least you have found someone you love and loves you, someone to share your lives with. Treat others the way you want to be treated and maybe all the sex issues with work themselves out.

I have to agree with K-NE. I hope my wife puts out more as she gets older. We have been married for just over 20 years and 18 of it has pretty much sucked. For her it is basically doing her “duty”. Before anyone even says anything about how it’s probably my fault let me just tell you. I don’t drink or smoke or even “hang out” with the guys. I help around the house doing dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc. I let her go on vacations with her friends even though I have never done so with my friends. I work and provide and make enough money that she doesn’t have to, though she does because she wants too. I don’t know what the problem is but after years of believing it was my fault and doing everything I could to change it I finally realized it wasn’t me.

My wife and I are both 52, and both in good physical shape due to life-long, regular conditioning, weight training and good nutrition. That said, we still do it like rabbits, at least three times a week, in every position you can think of. My desire for her has not waned – when you have filet mingon, you don’t go after hamburger.

John in Georgia,
If I have any advice to give, it would be to go the Oral route – by providing each other oral pleasure I believe you will find it to be just as much fun and pleasurable as the standard fair. Take your time, make it romantic, fun, and explore each other orally.

Sailor 1: I know you said not to say that it’s your fault for the sucky sexual situation you have with your wife, but you could be a major contributing factor. Sounds to me like you’re a home-body who caters to their spouse to keep them happy…to some women, that equates with boring and weak, for lack of better words. Women are not interested in boring and/or weak men, and will walk all over you if you give them the chance regardless of what your relationship status is (married, dating, etc.). Love has nothing to do with it. If the opportunity to take advantage is there, it’s likely the “user” will do it. Sounds like you may be getting “used” by your wife. You should sit down and talk with her about your concerns and try to find out why you (or maybe both of you) feel the way you do. I’m don’t believe in cheating to get better sex, but maybe she (or you) may be looking to greener pastures to get satisfied. I’ve left many lovers because of sexual disatisfaction. You think women don’t look to others when they’re not satisfied at home…think again. As a suggestion…try taking a small vacation away from everyone, where just you and your wife can be together (maybe a week) with no interruptions. Just be together and have a good time. It could be a great way to reignite that flame.

I have to go along with Sailor 1. Although my life with my wife has never really sucked, she does arrange her life and invent excuses enough so that sex is infrequent at best. There was a period in our marriage a few years ago when she was sexually aggressive and lots of fun–turned out later she was under the mistaken impression that I was contemplating an affair. I also have never let myself go, have no bad habits, don’t abandon the home for friends and nights out, and help around the house. The result has been a generalized lack of appreciation.

Sailor 1 sounds like a nice enough guy, who after awhile was forced to admit, like I was, that the problem didn’t lie with him.

That having been said, a lot of the other advice offered above is sound–it’s just not always applicable.

We are married for 21 years and my wife is 5 years older than me. In the earlier part of our marriage, I always seduce her to have sex and now she is over 50, she is begging to have sex every day. You know what; our relationship became great because of the sex.

I am 45 years old and so is my wife. Her labido has always been through the roof. I have always enjoyed this advantage. Still at 45 it’s still like twice a day every day. We have 9 kids and don’t believe a bedroom is a place for a television. When we were younger we use to go on for 3 days straight. I use to bring a pitcher of ice water to bed with me. I worship this woman! Never give up and never put sex on the back burner because of a mood swing. Even when I’m angry we make love. Then it makes me wonder why I got angry in the first place. And by the way I am not Latin, born and raised in the good ol USA baby!