October 20th, 2009 3:16 PM Eastern
Balloon Boy
by Dr. Keith Ablow
If it turns out that Richard and Mayumi Heene did plan the hoax that transfixed our nation, then they are the most dramatic examples yet of our celebrity, media-obsessed culture turning people into narcissistic monsters and children into props in their made-for-TV lives.The Heenes, who are storm chasers, veterans of “Wife Swap” and producers of their own YouTube video series, knew what kind of drama would glue Americans to their TV sets. This one had so many critical elements: A little boy in danger of losing his life, a chase scene involving a shiny balloon, the specter of helicopters and jets in the sky and ”panic-stricken” parents. If only the Heenes had also been scantily clad, they might have actually gotten a contract for a new reality series signed before their plan deflated like . . . well . . . a balloon full of hot air.
But to Richard and Mayumi Heene, you see, reality doesn’t matter. Real emotions don’t matter. The well-being of their children doesn’t matter. Danger doesn’t matter. Only fame matters. It is their drug. They crave the anesthetizing atmosphere of public recognition and the money that often follows. They want to slip the confines of their real lives and float away from their inner feelings of being small and anonymous and powerless. In this way they are no different than that old variety of addicts who left their kids to fend for themselves while looking to score crack cocaine or heroin. They are no different, even, from heroin addicts who “sell” their own children.
Think about the “adventures” on which they had already brought their children. They had peddled them to a network, exposed them to a surrogate parent and TV cameras in their own home—twice. They had encouraged them to post videos of themselves online, for anyone who might like to watch (including would-be perpetrators of violence against children). They had reportedly kept them in street clothes when putting them to bed, then awakened them in the middle of the night to go running after hurricanes and tornadoes. That’s about as much fun for kids as trolling dark, drug-infested streets for dealers. And it amounts to the same thing: Two parents braving danger and putting their kids in harm’s way in order to get wired.
The Heenes are, as I have said, no better than heroin addicts who would trade their kids for their drugs. But they are no worse. I have treated addicts of every kind, some of them seemingly beyond redemption, and again and again I have found frightened, traumatized human beings inside. These human beings were hell-bent on running away from painful events in their lives, and, with help, some of them were able to stop running, turn around, face their demons and defeat them. There is always that possibility for healing, and it is always worth the effort to make that healing happen.
Safety and reality have to come first, however. To that end, if it is proven that the Heenes perpetrated a stunt that required their children to lie on national television and participate in a crime that used the nation’s precious resources and the efforts of real heroes on a scam, then they should surrender custody of their children. That would be a terribly painful event for their sons, each of whom has, no doubt, forged very powerful bonds with these very pained parents. But I wonder if it would matter one bit to Richard and Mayumi Heene, as long as the tearful goodbyes were carried live on all the networks.
Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement including www.livingthetruth.com. Dr. Ablow can be emailed at info@keithablow.com.
Tags: balloon boy, Falcon Heene, heene, hoax, Keith Ablow, reality TV series, Richard and Mayumi Heene, Wife Swap
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Why is it all of a sudden that people are up in arms with this family? His business partners are saying the reason they distanced themselves is partly because the children came with them on storm chasing, now all of a sudden they are speaking out. The family must have been ok or they would not have allowed them on ABC’s “Wife Swap”, right? It’s kinda “funny” that the people closest to someone questionable dosen’t say anything until something breaks on the news, the they say I knew something like this would happen. I say leave them alone
Your comments are very insightful and accurate! My heart goes out to these children.
I couldn’t agree more with your post, Dr. Ablow.
The thing that really concerned me was the television interview, during which young Falcon was plainly upset, vomited, then told his mother he felt sick and needed to vomit again. But, the cameras kept rolling…
That brief moment in the spotlight made me see that these parents want only that: the spotlight.
Most decent parents would have said, “Stop the camera! Our little boy is traumatized, and we need to help and comfort him right now!”
Not these parents.
As fascinating and tittilating as this case is, and surely there will be more media coverage, there is nothing OK about using/abusing one’s children to further one’s ambitions.
That’s just plain sick (meaning mentally ill).
Jo, Reality shows like Wife Swap select the CRAZIEST people, not the sanest. The crazies make for better TV viewing…
I totally agree with everything you said about this situation, Keith. But being a narcissist or person with BPD as he appears to be, you know he’ll never give up his kids, even if ordered to. He’ll run all around the country or the world if necessary in order to keep his little self-image makers with him. Sounds like his wife may be less enchanted at this point, since she has her own lawyer and is telling the truth– not saying what he told her to say. He’s so clearly “above it,” there is no reality but his for him. I agree he should lose the kids, but I am afraid a lot of the damage has already been done to them. Unfortunately, there are a lot of kids being raised by narcissists, who seem to be completely enthralled with them when in fact they are only enthralled with themselves and the image crafting that their kids can provide. I hope that his wife will leave him at this point and give the kids one home that is more stable and less manipulative.
I don’t know when I have felt more disgust than while watching that poor little guy vomit on national TV as his parents tried to ignore it and keep the interview going. Wouldn’t want to let a little thing like your own child’s emotional and physical breakdown interfere with one’s 15 minutes of fame. Disgusting. Unfortunately, these personality disordered individuals tend to do well in court. They are more aware of how they come across than most people are, because they work on it every waking moment of their lives.
Dr Ablow
I think that this problem is all over the world, narcisisstic personality is the result of the way that
their parents races their kids, but in this thime, parents dont have time for spend healthy time with them , its the time of having money, be like the money, and the power that give the suceccsfull, childrens are growing along, with aut love cariyng and thinking that the OTHER the
YOU dont exist, so that is way we have this type been our governors, showing the wrong way
To have our own feelings, and show them is very dangerous, for the adults, and growing been yourself means that your parents. work in themselves having psycotherapy learning to be autentic, be honest and with a normal seelf esteem . I Agree with you that only working in the
insight with honesty is THE WAY , to the truth, to the life and to the joy. Been aware is just know who you are , and than means LOVE