As far as motivation, the desire has to be there in the first place. If the desire has been lost, you need to look back to the start of your relationship and figure out what has changed. Try to get back to that, you might be surprised at the result. Any kind of relationship requires work and effort be put into it from both sides. I honestly feel that when in a relationship, one or both of the parties involved becomes complacent and no longer puts the effort into the relationship and the other looses motivation or interest. Try working on a project together, cooking a meal together or doing chores together. You might be pleased with the results.

I can feel for the excuses, my wife has 10,000 excuses not to have sex and it is killing me because I think it will bring us closer together. But she has time for the computer and BS stuff

my x boyfriend and i just got back together after a 30 hiatis. however he comes to the table now with diabetes, and told me he is no longer able to get an errection due to his meds for his diabetes. sadly, he has given up on sex because of one failure of getting an errection. i did explain that sometimes this happens to all men our age (40+) and was nothing to worry about, could just be stress related, now that he is thinking about it, i think he is making it more of a problem than it needs to be. all i know, is he is on the pill, unsure which one, but i was unaware that ED (erectile dysfunction) happened with diabetes and the pill, maybe the shot, but never heard anything about the pill causing problems.
is there any other meds he can try?
deserate to get back what we had so many years ago!
can you give me some suggestions as to what to try next???
missy m

I have a feeling that couples who are chronically too tired for sex probably have some bigger issues they need to look at. Maybe it’s time for some counseling to get to the bottom of it. Spending too much time on the computer, at work or away from the house are all a sign that there are some issues that are not being discussed.

In all honesty, most men only last 7 minutes. Saying you don’t have time for sex is really just an excuse.

Blissfully, Chrystal
Sex Expert, Pleasure Coach

Gee, Chrystal, I think you hit the nail on the head! Not only did you just rephrase everything that Dr. Yvonne already said, but you “have a feeling” about something that is already common knowledge! Great going, pleasure coach. Somebody could get better information on sex and relationships from a dirty men’s magazine than from you.

Hey missy m, I’m also a 41 yo man. ED started creeping up on me over the past year. I’m taking a natural hormone supplement pill twice daily called MSPF from stayerect.com. It’s almost totally fixed my problem w/o a prescription. It is easily found on the internet. I tried another pill that I found on the internet that worked just as well but gave me a headache too. So look around… help is available. If he wants to please you, and what man doesn’t, he will thank you for it!

There really needs to be motivation to get yourself in the mood, even if it is as simple as wanting to please your partner, be selfless about it. Yvonne is exactly right though, having sex more often in our relationship has led to even more sex than we ever imagined. If the relationship is having problems in other areas, it will obviously boil over into your sex life, keeping your partner happy in all other areas of their life tends to lead to a lot healthier sex life.

For years my wife and I barely had sex while our children were young (I’m talking only a few times a year) but now our sex life and relationship couldn’t be better. We turned it around by doing a simply little workout we found online called “The Sexy Workout”. Now whenever we want to have great sex we just do the workout together first. It works for us every time… (maybe because we both know we’re going to have sex afterwards that it’s the anticipation that makes it so exciting? – I don’t know but whatever it is it really works!)

My wife and I were having this problem.

I talked to my doc and he said two things:

1. Excercise- anything that is good for your heart is good for your sex life. I started working out and lost 15 pounds and felt much better and looked better. Incidentally, my wife lost 10 pounds by working out with me and looks fabulous and she is a 44 year old mother of two that looks 20.

2. We bought some supplements produced by Dr. Shaelian that he recommended ( Passion Plus with Yohimbe and another without Yohimbe). I take each one every other day for a month and then take none a month.

We have sex 4-5 times per week and feel 20 again. In fact it is better than when we were twenty because we know and love each other so much more now.

Dont give up and work through it.

It is worth it and you only live once so dont leave anything on the table.

God Bless and Good Luck.

Why would anyone not want to have sex regularly? Some of you guys must be doing something wrong, if you do it right, she will beg for it.

My wife and I have been married going on 27 years and sex has always been a problem. She seldom is interested and very difficult to get aroused. Now that I am 60 and the drive isn’t as strong I usually forget about it because she won’t be interested. I am very busy but when I am not working on something we spend all our time together. It would be nice to have more lovemaking but I have lost any hope of that ever happening.

Having been widowed for 4 yrs now, I can say it’s hard being motivated for sex but I think it’s so much deeper than having a mindblowing orgasm. I was 21 when my husband & I got together in the Navy in Pearl Harbor; he was 37 when we got together. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other in the beginning & even after having our kids, we still had the most amazing sessions because we were totally bonded on every single level. When he got diagnosed with terminal metastatic pancreatic cancer in April 2005, the cancer killed our sex life which was hard for both of us. We both wanted it but the cancer just ate everything up, not just the fat but the very little muscle he had left from the chemo treatments which made the cancer worse. After he died, I didn’t want anyone touching me because of the heavy grief mode I was in & now, 4 years out, my attitude is pretty much still the same regarding sex. I’m in a new relationship with a man who hasn’t been married before, he wants to have children & he’s the same age as me. My concern is because this new man smokes cigarettes, how is that going to affect things long term? I refuse to have sex outside of marriage & because he wants to have children, I’m going through a major transition because of the way I live. It’s all about connecting the heart, soul, mind AND body. What’s the point of getting married if you’re not going to spend the rest of your life with your soulmate? It takes work but it can be fun & exciting. Take care.

everyones sex drive is diffrent i have always beleived in a orgasm a day or two depending on anything, my wife diffrent, a little slower but we do meet and enjoy each other we are both in our late 50s , its free, feels good , and its great…. enjoy it while you can…

One must also be aware of normal hormonal changes that occur with aging, which can diminish sex drive. As Dr. Fulbright said, sexual activity itself can increase testosterone levels in both women and men, which are important for desire. Some individuals, both men and women, may need supplemental testosterone, and a visit to their physician is warranted if desire is low.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) is recognized as more common in women than men, though men may suffer as well, as women tend to have a lower amount of naturally occuring testosterone in their systems and suffer higher incidences of conditions such as depression, which may contribute to low desire. Other endocrine issues, such as diabetes and hypothyroidism may also play a role. Regular exercise increases the body’s production of testosterone, and working out together as a couple also enhances the emotional connection we have for each other. Additionally, getting in shape makes us physically more desirable and confident lovers.

On the emotional side of the house, Dr. Fulbright is absolutely correct that maintaining intimacy and viewing sexual connectedness as a priority is paramount. Men need to keep in mind that women generally need to feel emotionally connected and loved for sexual desire to happen and men need sexual interaction to connect with their warm and loving emotions to their partners.

Simple, if you are with a selfish person they will only be “with” you if it serves them, which isn’t often. If you are with a rebellious person they will want you only until you are married and then won’t want you because they are “supposed” to be with you. Find a kind and giving person and be the same and all should go well. I know, easier said then done.

I think a huge problem is the lack of passion for what one is doing in life. Sex is a passionate thing, so if you are not passionate about your career(job), wife, spouse or something the excuses for sex will keep coming. Everyone is walking around saying we have to do this, or need to do that. Harley anyone is walking around saying the word want and going after what they want. I think this a huge part

I think a huge problem is the lack of passion for what one is doing in life. Sex is a passionate thing, so if you are not passionate about your career(job), wife, spouse or something the excuses for sex will keep coming

I think a huge problem is the lack of passion for what one is doing in life. Sex is a passionate thing, so if you are not passionate about your career(job), wife, spouse or something going on the excuses for sex will keep coming