Dear Yvonne,
What does it mean to be a “trisexual?”
—Horace

Dear Horace,
Labeling yourself “trisexual” can mean one of two things:
1. You’re willing to “try” anything sexual.
2. You’re not limited to being sexually intimate with males and females, but people who may identify as another gender. (While our society largely recognizes two genders, other cultures have been known to recognize a third or even fourth gender).

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My wife admitted to making out with a girl in high school and she said it turned her on.  She also refuses to fondle herself because it makes her feel like a lesbian.  Am I married to a lesbian?
—Greg

Dear Greg,
Unless your wife is in the closet, you are not married to a lesbian. Many males and females experiment with members of the same sex in their youth because of sexual curiosities, opportunities and desires. It’s part of their sexual learning experience, and may be part of a questioning period for those sorting through their sexual orientation.

By sorting through the significance of this experience for your wife, you could ask her to share what it was about the experience turned her on. The taboo nature of the make out session may have been more of a turn on than the fact that it was with another female or a particular individual. Likewise, you can reassure her that pleasuring oneself doesn’t make you gay or lesbian. If she’s willing, explore why she holds this masturbation fear and what kind of messaging about sex from various sources may be holding her back from fully embracing her sexual nature.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Can being selfish with your time improve your sex life?
—Kip

Dear Kip,
It’s healthy for lovers not to be codependent upon one another, especially when it comes to capitalizing eachother’s time. They’re stronger together when they’re still individuals vs. morphed into at 24/7 situation that causes both of them to be stagnate. When lovers can pursue their own interests and have their own downtime, that shows a comfort and security with the relationship that is attractive. Time spent on their own interests allows them to grow, inviting newness into the relationship.

Second, being too available is a turn off. If lovers spend even a day, for example, she’s having cocktails with girlfriends at a sex toy party while he’s at a horse race, apart, this acts like a hurdle, which can be a turn on. It’s far short of Romeo and Juliet, but it has a similar effect.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I masturbate daily. Will this affect my sperm count in any way?
—Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Self-pleasuring to the point of emission on a daily basis does not reduce your sperm count. Research actually indicates that it may, in fact, increase a man’s virility. In producing ejaculation, a male’s testes produce and store sperm continuously from the time he hits puberty.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I’m a 33-year-old male who just can’t seem to land a relationship. I think I suffer from “nice guy syndrome.” I consider myself a pretty decent-looking guy. But every time I meet someone, it always starts out great and in a matter of weeks, I find that I must’ve done something to ruin things. I don’t understand what I do wrong, and I get myself down thinking I must be some kind of loser or something. Can you help?
Thank you in advance,
—Derek

Dear Derek,
What you need to do first and foremost is work on your self-esteem. I’m concerned that you are automatically blaming yourself for a relationship gone sour. What makes you think that you’ve necessarily done something wrong? Two people don’t stay together for a number of reasons that aren’t personal, and parting ways doesn’t always come down to one person doing something undesirable. What is unattractive, however, is having a “loser” attitude. If you feel like a loser, then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you think something about yourself long enough, then that can become engrained in your self-perception. It becomes part of your identity and part of what you project to others. So the best thing you can do for yourself in losing your loser attitude is to: (A) quit being so hard on yourself; (B) quit feeling sorry for yourself; and (C) work on your self-esteem.

You need to bolster the energy you’re giving off by focusing on your best qualities; activities that you enjoy, and areas where you feel the best about yourself. Do what you need to do to get to a better place, for example, exercise or work with a coach to counter self-defeating thoughts. Remember, people are attracted to nice guys — in many cases; they are the men who win when it comes to love in the end.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I read your recent article on sex headaches. Can’t sex also act as a type of headache medicine? I want something to say the next time my wife tells me she’s not in the mood because she has a “headache.”
—Chris

Dear Chris,
Yes, people often have sex to get rid of headaches. A 2007 study conducted at the University of Texas, evaluating students’ motivations for sex, confirmed as much. This is not surprising since research from The Journal of Head and Face Pain in 2001 found that orgasms during sexual intercourse can provide migraine relief for women. While the efficacy of orgasm isn’t nearly as good as taking a migraine medication, relief is provided much faster when effective.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My wife has several sex toys, some of which we both enjoy. However, she does have a few in the phallus department that are somewhat large. I am concerned these will stretch her vagina out and her sensitivity to me will diminish. She says she will shrink back to a smaller size. What are your thoughts?
—Jeff

Dear Jeff,
Given that a female’s vaginal canal can stretch to handle a baby, you really don’t have much to worry about. Whether she’s planning to give birth or use a large object when self-pleasuring, a woman can maintain her pelvic musculature and sensitivity by practicing Kegel exercises. Learning to properly flex her pubbococcygeus (PC) muscle, a.k.a. pelvic floor muscles, a woman can have a “fit” vagina, which allows her to better grip phalluses of all sizes for more amazing sensations — for both of you!

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What are the dangers of oral sex without using a condom?
—Sissie

Dear Sissie,
As discussed in my first book, The Hot Guide to Safer Sex, unprotected oral sex is a high-risk sexual behavior. You can get sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, or HIV, from performing oral sex on a man or woman. Another thing to keep in mind is that when someone has the common cold sore (a.k.a. oral herpes — HSV-1) and goes down on you, you could contract genital herpes, or HSV-2.

To protect yourself, use a dental dam, which is a rectangular latex barrier that is placed over the vulva (or anus) during cunnilingus (oral sex on a female), or a non-lubricated, non-spermicidal condom during fellatio (oral sex on a male). You can also use a sheet of non-microwavable Saran Wrap if a dental dam is not available, or cut a condom lengthwise for a square.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Do you have any recommendations for people who want to wait a while before having sex or who, for moral/religious reasons, want to wait until they are married? Does this limit intimacy? Does this mean you have to date only other people who abstain?
—Heather

Dear Heather,
Outercourse is a term used for pleasuring possibilities that don’t involve vaginal-penile or anal intercourse. Depending on a couple’s definition of abstinence, these behaviors may include:

• Sensual massage
• Mutual masturbation
• Erotic talk, for example, via phone or e-mail
• Strip-teases
• Kissing
• Showering or bathing together
• Sharing sexy fantasies
• Engaging in role plays that don’t involve intercourse
• Dry sex (also known as “dry humping”) 

As far as if these options limit intimacy, it can be argued that in some ways, in a physical sense, yes, they do. But these experiences can be intense, if not orgasmic. As far as true intimacy goes, abstaining does not limit intimacy.  Being intimate with another goes far beyond being physically intertwined. True intimacy is about feeling a deep connection with someone’s heart and soul, and that energy coming back at you. Physical interactions only enhance the feelings of closeness that comes with knowing someone’s private nature. Sex, when it happens, only gets more amazing with it.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My boyfriend and I started engaging in both types of intercourse and it’s pleasurable, but I’m wondering if my gynecologist will know I’m having either when she does my exam?
—B

Dear B,
Unless your gynecologist notices bruises on your pelvic region or tears in your vaginal or anal lining, usually he or she will not be able to tell that you’ve been sexually active. When males or females visit with a physician for an examination, the more honest and forthcoming they are about their sexual behaviors, the easier it will be for the physician to provide any needed medical help.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”