Dear  Yvonne,
Occasionally, my lover and I will have an entire hour or two for sex. We don’t feel like making love, though, we feel as if we’re on ‘autopilot.’ How can we keep things spicy and stay connected without feeling robotic or just going through the moves?
- Jude

Dear Jude,
What I’d recommend is taking a couples’ yoga class together as a form of foreplay. This provides a different way of becoming intimate and getting to know your partner’s body. Adjusting each other’s bodies, getting pressed together at times, and seeing each other in a new light, while helping your bodies to unwind and feel good, can heighten the desire to make love.  Exercise is often considered an aphrodisiac.

If this can’t happen in an hour, you can practice your own yoga moves at home as a warm up to greater (spiritual) union. Such an interaction also helps to expand the idea of what sex is about and helps to make it an entire body experience instead of one with a “going through the moves” genital-focus. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dr. Fulbright
I’ve heard of things like horny goat weed, and some drink in the grocery store a few years back called Niagara, the female “viagra.”  Which herbal meds are safe and effective and which are not?
Stacy

Dear Stacy,
There are lots of aphrodisiacs out there – or at least supposed ones – and most of them have not been studied. So people don’t really know what they’re getting as far as quality, as well as if the suggested dosage is correct and if the product is truly safe. To date, the Food & Drug Administration (or FDA) has yet to give its stamp of approval on any of them. They don’t regulate herbal medications because they don’t have to.

That said, there are a few herbal medications out there that are supposedly good as far as sexual functioning and sexual arousal go. The more common ones are cayenne, gingko, or ginger. Once again, you’re using these at your own risk. So be sure to consult with your physician before taking any of these herbal medicines for better sex. There are types that can affect any prescriptions that you’re taking and that can harm your health more than anything. So be safe!

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”