Dear Yvonne,
Can being selfish with your time improve your sex life?
—Kip

Dear Kip,
It’s healthy for lovers not to be codependent upon one another, especially when it comes to capitalizing eachother’s time. They’re stronger together when they’re still individuals vs. morphed into at 24/7 situation that causes both of them to be stagnate. When lovers can pursue their own interests and have their own downtime, that shows a comfort and security with the relationship that is attractive. Time spent on their own interests allows them to grow, inviting newness into the relationship.

Second, being too available is a turn off. If lovers spend even a day, for example, she’s having cocktails with girlfriends at a sex toy party while he’s at a horse race, apart, this acts like a hurdle, which can be a turn on. It’s far short of Romeo and Juliet, but it has a similar effect.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What do men find sexy in a woman? Is there any statistical evidence — for example, is it something like 20 percent of sexiness is down to looks, 10 percent is a sense of humor and 5 percent is confidence?
—Raegan

We as humans believe that others will have a higher opinion of us if we have a good-looking partner. While it’s harsh, in the dating game, this is more so in the case of a female’s “worth.”  People tend to want the pretty or handsome partner because we’re aware of the high value society places on physical attractiveness, and we are motivated by this social concern.

From an evolutionary perspective, good-looking equals “good breeding,” thus humans are motivated to find a mate with good genes. Genetic desirability is most often indicated in the forms of youth, good health, and symmetry. While the weight of different desirability traits vary per survey, men desire a lot of the same qualities in a mate that women do ― smarts, a sense of humor, and personality. They generally like femininity, preferring partners who are younger, of average intelligence, and with longer versus short hair. In general, though, men are a little more lax than ladies when it comes to finding a mate.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”