Dear Yvonne,
My wife wants to get a little “kinky” in the bedroom, citing that we’re a bit “vanilla” compared to what’s out there. I don’t see anything wrong with what we’ve been doing, but was wondering what you think.
—Nolan

Dear Nolan,
While many people find comfort in seeing themselves as “vanilla,” pushing the envelope on occasion can do them a world of good, revitalizing their sex life and opening the door to new sensations and pleasures.

By challenging their sense of eroticism, especially in a trusting relationship, many people are delightfully surprised with their physical and emotional response to a new adventure. And if it isn’t their cup of tea, then there’s still a sense of accomplishment that they were willing to put themselves out there. By keeping passion alive and nurturing a monogamous, long-term relationship, most sex researchers will agree that what is considered novel can make or break a sexual relationship. So changing things up on occasion can only help you.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I am a 35-year-old woman. When I was a teenager, I had gotten on top of my boyfriend during sex and was told I was a maniac. Twenty years later and I still won’t get on top. It has been so long now that I don’t know how to get past it in my head. I now want to perform, but my brain will not allow me to feel comfortable. What can I do?  I’m dying to get on top and climax!!
                      – Lizzie

Dear Lizzie,
You should get on top!! Don’t let some comment from a bonehead teen boy deter you from realizing your pleasure potential! Chances are, he meant it as a compliment. Being a maniac in bed is usually construed as a good thing from the male perspective. It means that you’re active, into the moment, enjoying yourself, letting go of your inhibitions and ‘going crazy!’ Wild abandon is a good bedroom addition from time to time, so leave your fears at the door, and saddle up!

Believe it or not, woman-on-top is one of the best positions for ladies. Female dominant sex puts us in charge of our pleasuring, ups the chances of orgasm(s), and makes us the star of the show. Many partners love seeing their lover riding high, and this position results in mutual climax more than any other. Sure, it can be intimidating to get on top, but don’t allow yourself to miss out on another minute of hot girl in charge sex play!

Just be sure to let your partner know how you feel, and ask for your lover’s encouragement and support during your ride. A good lover will be there for you, letting you know that everything is great, everything feels good, and you are all s/he’ll need when you’re in that position. I’m quite certain your high school sweetheart is probably, to this day, drooling over the thought of his hot little temptress, not cowering in disdain. So, get on top – you owe it to yourself!

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Dr. Yvonne,
I like nothing more than a domineering woman in the bedroom. Why is this such a turn-on for me? (Note: I’m not complaining!)
Iain

Dear Iain,
Whether practicing bondage and discipline or S&M (sado-masochism), many individuals and couples thrive off of the power dynamic certain forms of sex play offer. With one partner in charge and the other submissive, acts can involve binding, spanking, pinching, and verbal humiliation, among other activities. Some people like this because they experience sexual gratification from being dominated, from calling the shots, or from inflicting and experiencing pain.

When it comes to your pleasure with your partner(s), it’s likely that you relish the freedom that comes with being told what to do in bed and being rendered powerless. It may also be that you love not taking responsibility for the erotic escape. For many people, being dominated is one way they experience guilt-free sex. By this, I mean that some people who feel negative or apprehensive about being sexually intimate may welcome having someone to “blame” for being “commanded” to engage in sex play.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”