There are key players in your child’s educational experience. The teacher, the principal, and you all have clearly defined roles in your child’s emotional, cognitive, and physical growth. There is, however, an often under-used player in schools across America; someone who is ready and willing to help. Each school has a guidance counselor, an important figure in the school but one that is often overlooked. The guidance counselor has a variety of “hats” to wear and can assist you and your child in many ways.

Scheduling
High school guidance counselors often aid in the creation of class schedules. Your child may want to meet with his guidance counselor to discuss his schedule for next year. Although most core classes are pre-determined based on state graduation requirements, your child may have elective classes to choose from and having the guidance counselor discuss his options helps him choose the right one.

School-wide campaigns
Schools have begun adapting specific curriculum or programs targeting bullying, drug or alcohol use, and healthy lifestyles among children. The guidance counselor is often the point person implementing these programs and training other school personnel to respond to situations regarding these issues. Reach out to the counselor for more information or for pointers on how to discuss these important topics with your children. Should your child be affected by any of these issues, you can use the counselor as a mediator or support for your family.

Individual counseling
Guidance counselors are often wearing their “other hats” so don’t forget their area of expertise. Your child may be having a hard time transitioning to a new school, establishing a positive relationship with a new teacher, or navigating a difficult friendship. Each of these situations may warrant a chat with the school counselor. Introduce yourself and your child to the counselor at the beginning of the school year so you have an established relationship.

References
School guidance counselors often have experience beyond the school and a network of professionals to reach out to. If you feel your child needs help beyond the parameters of school, ask for a reference from the guidance counselor. Your child may need to speak with a professional whose experience is in a specific area, such as childhood depression or eating disorders. You may also feel your child may need more extensive counseling that will require time beyond the school day.

These are just some ways the school guidance counselor can help your child. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the counselor and ask for assistance in other areas or ask her to direct you to the appropriate person. With all their roles in school, counselors are exceptional resources for you and your family.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Most adults remember being bullied or witnessing bullying during their school days. Most current students cite the same experience, but how bullying is being handled has changed.

Bullying has become a top priority for schools across the country, and many are working hard to prevent it. Bullying is the repeated imposition of power from one child to another and can include verbal threats or insults, physical threats or abuse, or non-verbal threats or abuse, such as spreading rumors about another child. It’s important to know that this can take place in person or via the internet, such as through social networking sites. 

Boys and girls typically bully differently. Boys typically resort to more physical methods, while girls typically utilize verbal strategies, although it is not uncommon for each group to use other approaches. Signs your child is being bullied include becoming quiet or withdrawn, frequent trips to the nurse’s office, refusal to go to school, and withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities, such as teams or social groups. Acting out is not typically associated with children who are being bullied. As a parent, knowing your child is being targeted is one of the most painful and difficult things you can encounter.

Here are some tips to help guide your child through this complicated time:

Be supportive.
Listen to your child as he shares his experience and feelings about being bullied. Praise him for speaking about the situation, especially if he was brave enough to approach you without prompting. Children who are bullied are often afraid to report their situations for fear of retribution for “tattling.” By opening up, he has begun the process of ending the bullying and should be reinforced for doing so.

Build confidence.
Find activities that build your child’s confidence and occupy her time. Individual sports, such as karate or swimming, may be best to start with as your child may worry about becoming a part of a team and opening herself to more uncomfortable social situations.

Contact your child’s school.
Even if the bullying has not taken place on school grounds, it is important that staff is aware of the relationship between your child and the person or people who are intimidating him. Many schools have videos or books on bullying that they can share with you and your child. You can also establish a safe place for your child to go if he feels he is being threatened, such as the principal’s office or the guidance counselor’s office.

Use the buddy system.
Encourage your child to seek one or two safe friends at school and stick with them, especially during times bullying is most likely to occur, such as recess and traveling to and from school. Establish relationships with the parents of your child’s friends and make them aware of the situation.  If bullying typically occurs during the trips to and from school, drive your child or ask a neighbor or friend to do so. Although this step alone may not end the bullying, it provides your child with a bit more security and safety.

Stay involved.
Have access to your children’s email and social networking accounts so you can monitor their activity. Your child could be bullied while sitting right in your living room. Knowing your child’s circle of friends will also help you monitor appropriate or inappropriate relationships, and will help you keep track of friendships that are deteriorating. You can broach the subject by saying “I notice you are not hanging out with (name) much anymore. Why is that?”  If your child does not give you a direct reason, there may be more to the story.

Many professionals frown upon advising children to ignore the bullying, as it sends the message that adults will ignore it too. If you are still unsure of what to say to your child and feel you need more extensive support, seek the help of a health care professional, such as a psychologist or social worker.

Bullying is not just “kids being kids.” It is hurtful, unhealthy, and has the potential to cause long-term emotional and physical damage. Being informed and involved may save your child from this painful situation.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

According to William and Janis Mohat, their son Eric, a 17-year-old, was bullied to death at Mentor High School in Mentor, Ohio.  On March 29, 2007 Mohat shot himself after relentless harassment and intimidation that included being pushed, shoved and hit ― not to mention being humiliated by being called a fag, a queer and a homo.  Eric had never shown any interest in homosexuality at all.

Click here to read the full story on FOXNews.com
 
The Mohats are suing their school district, alleging that one of Eric’s teachers — Thomas M. Horvath — saw the bullying and did nothing to stop it.  Two other students committed suicide the same year Eric did.  His parents say bullying was a factor in their deaths, too.  And another parent, named Dan Hughes, reportedly withdrew his son Brandon from the school after he was picked on, non-stop.
 
The Mohats aren’t after cash.  They want to force the school system to put a comprehensive and effective anti-bullying program in place.  I think they should be after both.  I also think they should urge local authorities to press criminal harassment (and possibly wrongful death) charges against Eric’s bullies.
 
Bullying is an old problem that repeated and dogged litigation may be the only way to solve.  The litigation may have to be as relentless as the bullying itself. 
 
Schools have, for decades, either utterly ignored or done far too little to fix the bullying that takes place in their schoolyards and classrooms, cafeterias, restrooms and hallways.  Too little is done to prevent bullying, and bullies aren’t sufficiently disciplined.  Eric Mohat’s assailants, for instance, should have been identified, punished and, if they persisted, suspended from school.  Period.  The same goes for bullies in any other school district, in any other community.
 
As a psychiatrist who has treated bullies and their victims, I believe that early detection of aggressive kids and vulnerable kids, with preventive strategies targeted toward each can be effective.  But reaching deep into the souls of bullies to find out what shattered their empathy and turned them into child predators (yes, predators) can take a fair amount of time.  So when bullies are identified, the first order of business has to be to stop their emotional and physical abusiveness—through discipline, containment, suspension or expulsion.  The healing work of identifying and addressing the roots of their violence can then begin.
 
Eric Mohat allegedly lost his life to bullying.  Indeed, researchers have identified a connection between bullying and suicide.   What’s more, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control estimates that every day in this country160,000 children stay home from school because they fear bullies.
 
In my psychiatry practice, I have met adolescents, young adults and adults who bear the scars.  Bullying can cause lasting low self-esteem, persistent anxiety and major depression.  It can warp personality structure, either spawning a tendency toward irritability and violence in victims, or a tendency toward isolation and passivity. 
 
The word needs to go out loud and clear, not only from William and Janis Mohat, but from school administrators and the law enforcement community, that bullying will be seen as any other form of assault.  That means that child bullies get sent home from school and started in therapy, adolescent bullies get suspended from school or expelled (and started in therapy) and teenage bullies get their therapy, along with being suspended, expelled and/or referred to the juvenile justice system.  
 
It’s really that simple.  I hope that that any school system, school administrator or teacher who ignores bullying is sued and has to dig very deep into their pockets to pay a very significant judgment.  No amount will ever compensate victims and their families — certainly not those who lose sons or daughters to suicide.  But using litigation (or the threat of it) to shape social policy may be the fastest route to keeping our kids safe at school.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com or e-mail him at info@keithablow.com.