Communicating with your children can be a daunting task, whether you are trying to impart morals and values on them or simply trying to get information about the date of the school concert. One parent says she feels “like we speak different languages!” The most common complaint from parents about communicating with their children? Asking “How was school?” and getting “Good” in return. If you’re laughing because you’ve had that interaction before, use these tips for opening up the lines of communication between you and your child.

Spend time together every day
This may mean sitting together for dinner, watching a TV show together, or saying a prayer as a family before bedtime. Any time your child feels connected to the whole family his feelings of trust and security are strengthened. Time spent traveling in the car doesn’t count! Although we are all very busy, find a few moments to sit face to face with your family and talk about the day’s events.

Schedule individual time
Scheduling “Mom and Child” or “Dad and Child” time allows your more reserved child an opportunity to open up. It gives you a chance to really attend to your child’s body language and facial expressions, which can often relay more than just her words can. Scheduling one on one time shows that you value your child’s individuality and are willing to take time out to give her your undivided attention.

Stay current
You don’t need to watch Saturday morning cartoons each week or lock the radio on the pop station you dislike, but keep in touch with your child’s interests in music, television, and fashion. The less you know about your child’s day-to-day activities, the more distant a figure you are for him. This also gives you an opportunity to monitor the appropriateness of what they are viewing and may lead to more discussions. Remember to give him some personal freedom- hovering can drive children to become more withdrawn.

Share your problems
For example, say you made plans to go to a movie with one friend but forgot and made plans to go for coffee with another friend the same day. Ask your child to help you problem solve. Who should you reschedule with and what should you say? Never give specific examples or use names; we know children have trouble keeping secrets and you don’t want your business all over town. You can also share problems you had when you were a child. This shows your child that everyone has decisions they struggle with and makes you more relatable in their eyes.

Keep a diary
Have a journal in which you and your child can write notes to each other. You can have a special hiding spot so only the two of you know where it is. This prevents the temptation for siblings to sneak information that was not meant to be shared. You can write happy thoughts like “I thought about our last vacation today” or questions like “How are you feeling about Friday’s math test?” This gives your child the chance to think about her response or ask difficult questions she may not want to ask in person.

Whenever opening a conversation with your child ask specific questions, such as “What was your least favorite thing you did at school today?” or “Tell me one friend you played with today.” A lot of things happened at school today; asking for one detail allows your child to recall a specific event and may allow the conversation to expand.

Having open communication does not mean you are your child’s friend. You are still the parent and you still have to discipline when they make poor choices. The idea is that open communication offers your children the opportunity to share their problems with you and look to you as someone who can help them make good decisions.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

It’s time for the old end-of-year office party or family holiday dinner.  During the holiday season the likelihood that you will ingest high-risk foods that may cause allergic reactions is at an all-time high.  So if you are one of the estimated 11 million people affected by food allergies, focus on being a label detective in order to avoid these potentially hazardous ordeals. 

Sharing meals during the holidays is one of the highlights of the season for many families. The most common food allergens in the U.S. are cow’s milk, eggs, soy, wheat, fish, shellfish, peanuts and tree nuts.  Unfortunately, food allergies make up over tens of thousands of emergency room visits annually. Peanut allergy is associated with potentially fatal allergic reactions and often, allergic individuals will not outgrow it.

When invited as a guest to the home of a friend or family member during the holidays, it’s important to explain what your food issues and concerns may be. By doing this, you can hopefully avoid unnecessary trips to the emergency room.

Watch our for these holiday culprits:

• Eggnog (the word albumin on a label indicates the presence of eggs)

• Fruitcakes (may contain nuts)

• Glazed rolls and bread or other bakery items (containing egg)

• Mixed nuts

• Chocolate, candies and other confectionery items (many contain nuts, milk)

• Dips, fondues and salsas (may contain diary cream and egg)

• Quiches (often contain egg)

• Fried foods – if you are seafood-allergic (as the same oil used in the fried fish may also be used in the preparation of other fried foods such as French fries)

• At least some alcoholic beverages (if you are grain or wheat sensitive)

• Soybean oil salad dressings – (if soy sensitive)

• Caesar or Greek salad (may contain anchovies)

• Marzipan (a paste made of ground almonds, egg and/or milk)

• Worcestershire sauce (may contain fish)

• Yams, sweet potato pie (may contain egg, pecans, walnuts or dairy)

• Pumpkin pie (may contain peanut/nuts, nutmeg)

• Gingerbread cookies (may contain egg, milk, soy, corn and wheat)

• Potato pancakes served for a Chanukah celebration (may contain egg)

Here are some strategies for the holidays:

• Use caution if you eat Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai and Mexican cuisine as many foods may contain nuts. 

• Keep a “restaurant food allergen ingredient card” with you to make the kitchen staff aware of your food allergy when dining out.  Ask for a list of ingredients before ordering.    

• Be a label detective! Learn to read food labels as many ingredients can be misleading or confusing.  Check out the recommendations on “How to Read a Label” at www.foodallergy.org.

• When visiting with friends and family, let your host know if you need to avoid certain foods so they can prepare alternate choices. 

• Bring safe, homemade, allergy-free dishes when invited to someone’s house.

• Keep a spot in the food preparation area of the kitchen free of food allergens.

• Be sure and know the earliest signs of an allergic reaction and how to give the emergency medication(s) prescribed by your allergist/physician.

• Develop an emergency plan that includes ample medication, including epinephrine auto-injectors (be prepared for prolonged reactions).

• Plan ahead if you need to travel during the holidays and have safe snacks and foods with you, especially if you have a food-allergic child.

• Stay with “simple dishes” that avoid hidden ingredients.

• Avoid salad bars where containers can have traces of allergens and cross contamination is common.

• Use caution when ordering deli meats where the same equipment may be used to slice meat and milk-based cheeses.

Having an allergy to a food does not mean you cannot enjoy the many and varied holiday foods this time of the year.  Many alternate foods can be substituted and still ensure a safe and enjoyable holiday season!  For more tips on avoiding food allergens during the holidays, vitit www.aaaai.org or www.acaai.org.

Dr. Clifford W. Bassett is an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the Long Island College Hospital and on the faculty of NYU School of Medicine. He is the current vice chair for public education committee of the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology. No information in this blog is intended as medical advice to any reader or intended to diagnose or treat any medical condition.