Hi Yvonne,
Have you ever covered the subject of foot fetishes? I would like to hear your take on the subject.
                   —Tim

Dear Tim,
A fetish of any sort is when a person has learned to attach erotic significance to an object that is typically regarded as not sexual in nature. The person becomes aroused by the object, often dependent upon it for sexual excitement. Nobody is certain why or how fetishes develop. Proposed ideas include early childhood events, including those involving sexual shaming, and simply human nature. Most fetishes are harmless, and concerning only when they become an obsession, impacting one’s ability to be intimate in a healthy relationship. A concern with fetishes is that such may be a symptom that the person cannot cope with a sexual relationship, perhaps for fear of rejection. The fetish, for the individual, is safe and non-threatening.

Many people with fetishes are able to have satisfying sex without the fetish object. Those who actively incorporate their fetish into partnered sex can enjoy the fact that easy arousal is practically guaranteed. In providing adventure and entertainment, the object can act as a means to greater bonding for some lovers as well.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Dr. Y,
How can a man boost his partner’s confidence when it comes to her breasts?
—Scott

Dear Scott,
I think that the best thing a man can do is to tell her that her breasts are perfect. This is most effectively done when he’s cupping them during sex, admiring them like they’re the only part of her body he needs to feel satisfied.

If he feels that he can’t be totally sincere with the “perfect” bit, he should seize the opportunity to compliment her chest the next time she’s wearing an outfit that shows them off, for example, “You look absolutely stunning in that dress — I love how it shows off your breasts.” In accentuating them, he’s letting her know that she’s lovely in his book.

Also, when it comes to gift-giving time, he can get her presents that are about showing off her breasts, for example, a peek-a-boo bra that screams “play with me!”

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I’m living with a boyfriend for the first time and we’re into dividing chores equally. I was wondering if you think that sorting dirty laundry with a significant other can begin to breakdown passionate feelings of excitement? Would you suggest keeping your intimate items like dirty underwear from the other to help prevent that?
—Cherlynn

Dear Cherlynn,
Seeing the other’s unsightly laundry is going to happen at some point. In the past, it has typically been the woman who has had to deal with dirty laundry, killing her passion first. One way to look at this: Gender equality. So increasing other efforts to maintain eroticism can be more of a team effort. Also, some people can actually get aroused by washing the sheets, for example, finding stains from the last time they had sex, or still being able to smell the other’s scent on their clothes. Plus, doing things together builds bonding.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My partner wants to keep the bathroom door open when the other is in there and doesn’t understand why it’s a problem for me. He says it’s a statement of our level of intimacy. Is keeping the door open or closed really a commentary on the intimacy of the relationship? Do you have any advice?
—Shawn

Dear Shawn,
Keeping the bathroom door closed versus open in coupledom is more of an indicator of people’s privacy norms and issues around bathroom habits, for example, taking care of bodily functions. Both are rooted in how they were raised — how their families handled bathroom privacy and self-care in that space.

While some people read the “door open” policy as more intimate, others would say it’s an intimacy killer. Every couple needs to negotiate what’s right for them and provide rationale for where they stand. I’ve found, for example, that people from large families who had to share one bathroom do not find it as big a deal to see others doing their thing as those who are not used to such circumstances. (This is not to generalize members of big families, however.)

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What should a man do to ensure he and his partner enjoy sex during pregnancy?
—Julio

Dear Julio,
When interviewing men for my book, “Your Orgasmic Pregnancy,” I found that the most critical factor for men is to get over their issues with the pregnant form. Many have trouble seeing pregnant women as sexy. Some feel a sex-guilt for having sex with a pregnant woman, and others are afraid of hurting the baby.

Men need to educate themselves about sex during pregnancy. Unless her doctor says otherwise, she’s good to go —and in many cases, rearing for action — given the increase in hormones and engorgement of blood to her genitals. Men need to let their pregnant partner lead the way when it comes to sex, at the same time taking steps to overcome their issues, from counseling to encouraging intimacy, for example, buying her a baby doll dress to cover up her bulge if it’s an issue. Finally, men need to realize that many women are their most orgasmic — and multiorgasmic — at this time. Keeping that focus can divert your attention and help you to see her more sexual and sensual than ever.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What does it mean to be a “trisexual?”
—Horace

Dear Horace,
Labeling yourself “trisexual” can mean one of two things:
1. You’re willing to “try” anything sexual.
2. You’re not limited to being sexually intimate with males and females, but people who may identify as another gender. (While our society largely recognizes two genders, other cultures have been known to recognize a third or even fourth gender).

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My wife admitted to making out with a girl in high school and she said it turned her on.  She also refuses to fondle herself because it makes her feel like a lesbian.  Am I married to a lesbian?
—Greg

Dear Greg,
Unless your wife is in the closet, you are not married to a lesbian. Many males and females experiment with members of the same sex in their youth because of sexual curiosities, opportunities and desires. It’s part of their sexual learning experience, and may be part of a questioning period for those sorting through their sexual orientation.

By sorting through the significance of this experience for your wife, you could ask her to share what it was about the experience turned her on. The taboo nature of the make out session may have been more of a turn on than the fact that it was with another female or a particular individual. Likewise, you can reassure her that pleasuring oneself doesn’t make you gay or lesbian. If she’s willing, explore why she holds this masturbation fear and what kind of messaging about sex from various sources may be holding her back from fully embracing her sexual nature.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Can being selfish with your time improve your sex life?
—Kip

Dear Kip,
It’s healthy for lovers not to be codependent upon one another, especially when it comes to capitalizing eachother’s time. They’re stronger together when they’re still individuals vs. morphed into at 24/7 situation that causes both of them to be stagnate. When lovers can pursue their own interests and have their own downtime, that shows a comfort and security with the relationship that is attractive. Time spent on their own interests allows them to grow, inviting newness into the relationship.

Second, being too available is a turn off. If lovers spend even a day, for example, she’s having cocktails with girlfriends at a sex toy party while he’s at a horse race, apart, this acts like a hurdle, which can be a turn on. It’s far short of Romeo and Juliet, but it has a similar effect.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I masturbate daily. Will this affect my sperm count in any way?
—Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Self-pleasuring to the point of emission on a daily basis does not reduce your sperm count. Research actually indicates that it may, in fact, increase a man’s virility. In producing ejaculation, a male’s testes produce and store sperm continuously from the time he hits puberty.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I’m a 33-year-old male who just can’t seem to land a relationship. I think I suffer from “nice guy syndrome.” I consider myself a pretty decent-looking guy. But every time I meet someone, it always starts out great and in a matter of weeks, I find that I must’ve done something to ruin things. I don’t understand what I do wrong, and I get myself down thinking I must be some kind of loser or something. Can you help?
Thank you in advance,
—Derek

Dear Derek,
What you need to do first and foremost is work on your self-esteem. I’m concerned that you are automatically blaming yourself for a relationship gone sour. What makes you think that you’ve necessarily done something wrong? Two people don’t stay together for a number of reasons that aren’t personal, and parting ways doesn’t always come down to one person doing something undesirable. What is unattractive, however, is having a “loser” attitude. If you feel like a loser, then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you think something about yourself long enough, then that can become engrained in your self-perception. It becomes part of your identity and part of what you project to others. So the best thing you can do for yourself in losing your loser attitude is to: (A) quit being so hard on yourself; (B) quit feeling sorry for yourself; and (C) work on your self-esteem.

You need to bolster the energy you’re giving off by focusing on your best qualities; activities that you enjoy, and areas where you feel the best about yourself. Do what you need to do to get to a better place, for example, exercise or work with a coach to counter self-defeating thoughts. Remember, people are attracted to nice guys — in many cases; they are the men who win when it comes to love in the end.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”