Dear Yvonne,
Given popular press depictions of sex — namely that we’re always supposed to be in the mood — how do I know if I’m “normal” when it comes to sexual desire?
—Bailey

Dear Bailey,
When it comes to sexual desire, there is no “optimal” level or universal “norm,” despite what the media or anyone else says. Sexual desire differs from person to person, and relationship to relationship. Depending on what’s going on in your life, your desire may increase or decrease at different times. Rather than measure yourself against what are often unrealistic societal standards when it comes to sex, consider what’s right for you.

When it comes to you and your relationship(s), you are the expert. Listen to yourself and consider if you feel good about the role sexual desire is playing in your sex life and life overall. If you find it needs a boost, make sure to concentrate on you and your relationship, rather than attaining some elusive level of “optimum” sexual desire.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My partner is very active in local gay and lesbian advocacy groups, and it makes me uncomfortable since I’m trying to keep my sexual orientation on the down-low for various reasons. How can I deal with my feelings without trying to force my lover to give up his activities?
—Cain

Dear Cain,
This is something you need to work out on your own. Your partner shouldn’t be forced to give up any activities, and shouldn’t be made to feel responsible for your feelings — which include decisions you have already made for yourself because of your own comfort level.

To get to a better place emotionally, seek out holistic activities that allow you to get in touch with yourself, like yoga and meditation. Pursue outlets to express yourself and get to the heart of matter — maybe try writing in a journal. If necessary, consider talking to a counselor about why you’re having problems coming out, and what you can do to get to a better, more accepting place. This discomfort is your problem, and one only you can address with yourself.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Sometimes my girlfriend will laugh during sex, which weirds me out. Is it because I’m doing something wrong?
— Tad

Dear Tad,
Sex is a fun activity (and if it isn’t a good time, at least most of the time, you seriously need to question the relationship and what you’re doing). Inuit Eskimos refer to sex as “laughing time.” So is it any wonder that lovers aren’t always serious in the sack?

Sex involves feeling good, expressing yourself, and sharing amazing, positive moments with somebody you care about. Laughing can be a great compliment because it indicates your lover is letting go of stress and getting into the moment. While many people worry that their lover is laughing at them, it is more likely that such an expression is due to tickle sensations, disbelief at what is being experienced or simply joy.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

I have always had a healthy sex drive, but at least a couple of my lovers over the years, including my current one, have made the comment that I’m a nympho because I want sex more than they do. I would take it as a compliment if these guys weren’t so negative about it. How do I respond to these comments?
- Acacia
 
In the future, begin by asking your partner to define the term “nympho,” and what it means to have “too much sex.” Then explain that we are all different in our level of desire – and that there are times when one sexual partner is in the mood more often than the other. Highlight the fact that these sexual desire discrepancies are quite common, and should not be used to put down an individual. Let him know that you’re offended, if that’s the case.

Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how this makes you feel, particularly when it comes to the judgment that’s involved. Stress that you see nothing wrong with your sex drive, and that it’s quite healthy. Unless one’s sex drive is interfering with their daily routine, there is no problem with it. In fact, the issue seems to be your partner’s discomfort in not being able to keep up with you – desire or otherwise.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I heard it’s possible for a woman to have an orgasm while giving birth. Is this fact or fiction?
-Anna Maria

Dear Anna Maria, 
Yes, females can indeed experience climax during natural childbirth, a reaction Dr. Danielle Harel coined an “unexpected birthgasm.” In researching this phenomenon, Harel learned some women have experienced a rather surprising orgasm at the moment of birth without sexual stimulation or fantasy. Understandably, given the circumstances, this response is not interpreted by these women as sexual. It has been speculated that one of the reasons for this reaction is due to the baby’s head putting pressure on the pelvic and hypogastric nerve system as it descends, inducing orgasm.

In learning about birthgasms, couples have actively sought to have a woman experience such a “passionate birth.” Research indicates that the primary factors that allow for such are that:

- The woman has a good sex life and understands everything that birthing entails.
- A woman and her partner incorporate massage, kissing and masturbation as part of the birthing experience.
- The woman is not given anesthesia during childbirth and uses sexual stimulation to ease contractions.
- The woman is in a safe, private environment for the birth.
- The woman’s partner is supportive, for example, he or she holds her. 
 
For information on how a woman can have an orgasmic pregnancy, please check out my newly released book “Your Orgasmic Pregnancy: Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know.”

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
What kinds of objects, besides sex toys, do people use to bring themselves to climax? I’m up for some ideas!
-Danny

Dear Danny,
While many people use sex toys during masturbation, some get a little more creative than others when it comes to those “handy” items found around the house.  In its yearly sex survey, the Portland Mercury reported that respondents used the following for self-pleasuring: warm cantaloupe, a Sharpie, a condom-covered cucumber, a water weenie, their sister’s panties, a plunger, bologna, a vibrating pen, uncooked beef frank, a James Bond VHS tape, a beer cozy, a carrot, GI Joe, a leather glove, spa jets, a handle of a safety razor, Hello Kitty, and a vibrating toothbrush.

Regardless of what you use, make sure that it’s clean and that it won’t cause you harm, for example, it’s not made out of glass, would not cause splinters, and/or does not leave unsavory residue in your orifices or breaks off in them. 

Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”