Dear Yvonne,
Do you have any recommendations for people who want to wait a while before having sex or who, for moral/religious reasons, want to wait until they are married? Does this limit intimacy? Does this mean you have to date only other people who abstain?
—Heather

Dear Heather,
Outercourse is a term used for pleasuring possibilities that don’t involve vaginal-penile or anal intercourse. Depending on a couple’s definition of abstinence, these behaviors may include:

• Sensual massage
• Mutual masturbation
• Erotic talk, for example, via phone or e-mail
• Strip-teases
• Kissing
• Showering or bathing together
• Sharing sexy fantasies
• Engaging in role plays that don’t involve intercourse
• Dry sex (also known as “dry humping”) 

As far as if these options limit intimacy, it can be argued that in some ways, in a physical sense, yes, they do. But these experiences can be intense, if not orgasmic. As far as true intimacy goes, abstaining does not limit intimacy.  Being intimate with another goes far beyond being physically intertwined. True intimacy is about feeling a deep connection with someone’s heart and soul, and that energy coming back at you. Physical interactions only enhance the feelings of closeness that comes with knowing someone’s private nature. Sex, when it happens, only gets more amazing with it.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My boyfriend wishes I was more active in bed, but how can I do that?
-CC

Dear CC,
Take charge.  Show off your body – show off how sexual you are.

Instead of letting him lead the way, show him how it’s done. Show him how you like to be turned on, how to touch your body. Don’t be afraid to seduce him by putting on a strip show or by showing him some hot erotica you want to re-enact. Pounce on his body, and cover it with kisses, love bites and your other wet spot. During sex, take turns being on top. Literally, roll around in the hay. Get into the rhythm of the thrusting while gripping and clawing and making some noise. Be insatiable. Let him know how good he feels. Tell him what you want to do to him.

All too often, women hold back during sex, afraid to tap into their inner sex goddess. As a result, they always let their partner lead the way. Put any inhibitions aside and just go for it!   

 Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but your relationship feels troubled. In fact, things have become increasingly stressful and you’re constantly fielding unresolved relationship problems… but you don’t know why.You are starting to feel confused and distressed.

Could it be that your partner has a pornography problem?

What constitutes a porn addiction or compulsion is a hotly contested issue, which is why its symptoms are rarely discussed.

This lack of discourse has come at a hefty price. Many people who have been victimized by their partner’s porn problem wish that they had “seen the signs.” They wish they had known what indicates an active habit and an actual problem. They wish they had been able to solve the puzzle before their lives fell apart. And they probably could have. So now we are going to discuss the warning signs.

Many people are completely in the dark that their partner likes porn, much less has a serious relationship with it. Ignorant as to any issue, they trust their lover unconditionally. They assume their partner understands that using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair. This ignorance, combined with the great lengths to which a porn enthusiast will go to hide erotica, can leave a partner in the dark for months or even years.