Dear Yvonne,
Can being selfish with your time improve your sex life?
—Kip

Dear Kip,
It’s healthy for lovers not to be codependent upon one another, especially when it comes to capitalizing eachother’s time. They’re stronger together when they’re still individuals vs. morphed into at 24/7 situation that causes both of them to be stagnate. When lovers can pursue their own interests and have their own downtime, that shows a comfort and security with the relationship that is attractive. Time spent on their own interests allows them to grow, inviting newness into the relationship.

Second, being too available is a turn off. If lovers spend even a day, for example, she’s having cocktails with girlfriends at a sex toy party while he’s at a horse race, apart, this acts like a hurdle, which can be a turn on. It’s far short of Romeo and Juliet, but it has a similar effect.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
I am a newlywed of four months. My problem: Before my husband and I got married, we had sex all the time! But since we got married, it hasn’t been the same. I still feel sexually attracted to him. We’re both 21, and before we got married, it was hard for us to see each other because our families didn’t approve of the relationship. Has the sex changed because there’s no longer the excitement of getting caught? 
— Alyyah 

Dear Alyyah,
What you are describing is a classic “Romeo & Juliet” syndrome, where half of the excitement of being sexually intimate was the disapproval. Doing the forbidden things made the relationship more passionate since the need to overcome obstacles intensified your feelings. Lovers in these situations often have this mentality: “Don’t they realize that more obstacles make us all the more passionate?” As with any taboo sexual relationship, for example, an affair — the excitement wears off after a while.

Just because this type of passion is waning in your relationship, doesn’t mean the exciting phase of starting your lives together has to be passionless. Seek novel ways to have sex and to be intimate. Changing the focus of sex to one of being an entirely new adventure is sure to keep things heated.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”