There are key players in your child’s educational experience. The teacher, the principal, and you all have clearly defined roles in your child’s emotional, cognitive, and physical growth. There is, however, an often under-used player in schools across America; someone who is ready and willing to help. Each school has a guidance counselor, an important figure in the school but one that is often overlooked. The guidance counselor has a variety of “hats” to wear and can assist you and your child in many ways.

Scheduling
High school guidance counselors often aid in the creation of class schedules. Your child may want to meet with his guidance counselor to discuss his schedule for next year. Although most core classes are pre-determined based on state graduation requirements, your child may have elective classes to choose from and having the guidance counselor discuss his options helps him choose the right one.

School-wide campaigns
Schools have begun adapting specific curriculum or programs targeting bullying, drug or alcohol use, and healthy lifestyles among children. The guidance counselor is often the point person implementing these programs and training other school personnel to respond to situations regarding these issues. Reach out to the counselor for more information or for pointers on how to discuss these important topics with your children. Should your child be affected by any of these issues, you can use the counselor as a mediator or support for your family.

Individual counseling
Guidance counselors are often wearing their “other hats” so don’t forget their area of expertise. Your child may be having a hard time transitioning to a new school, establishing a positive relationship with a new teacher, or navigating a difficult friendship. Each of these situations may warrant a chat with the school counselor. Introduce yourself and your child to the counselor at the beginning of the school year so you have an established relationship.

References
School guidance counselors often have experience beyond the school and a network of professionals to reach out to. If you feel your child needs help beyond the parameters of school, ask for a reference from the guidance counselor. Your child may need to speak with a professional whose experience is in a specific area, such as childhood depression or eating disorders. You may also feel your child may need more extensive counseling that will require time beyond the school day.

These are just some ways the school guidance counselor can help your child. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the counselor and ask for assistance in other areas or ask her to direct you to the appropriate person. With all their roles in school, counselors are exceptional resources for you and your family.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Most adults remember being bullied or witnessing bullying during their school days. Most current students cite the same experience, but how bullying is being handled has changed.

Bullying has become a top priority for schools across the country, and many are working hard to prevent it. Bullying is the repeated imposition of power from one child to another and can include verbal threats or insults, physical threats or abuse, or non-verbal threats or abuse, such as spreading rumors about another child. It’s important to know that this can take place in person or via the internet, such as through social networking sites. 

Boys and girls typically bully differently. Boys typically resort to more physical methods, while girls typically utilize verbal strategies, although it is not uncommon for each group to use other approaches. Signs your child is being bullied include becoming quiet or withdrawn, frequent trips to the nurse’s office, refusal to go to school, and withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities, such as teams or social groups. Acting out is not typically associated with children who are being bullied. As a parent, knowing your child is being targeted is one of the most painful and difficult things you can encounter.

Here are some tips to help guide your child through this complicated time:

Be supportive.
Listen to your child as he shares his experience and feelings about being bullied. Praise him for speaking about the situation, especially if he was brave enough to approach you without prompting. Children who are bullied are often afraid to report their situations for fear of retribution for “tattling.” By opening up, he has begun the process of ending the bullying and should be reinforced for doing so.

Build confidence.
Find activities that build your child’s confidence and occupy her time. Individual sports, such as karate or swimming, may be best to start with as your child may worry about becoming a part of a team and opening herself to more uncomfortable social situations.

Contact your child’s school.
Even if the bullying has not taken place on school grounds, it is important that staff is aware of the relationship between your child and the person or people who are intimidating him. Many schools have videos or books on bullying that they can share with you and your child. You can also establish a safe place for your child to go if he feels he is being threatened, such as the principal’s office or the guidance counselor’s office.

Use the buddy system.
Encourage your child to seek one or two safe friends at school and stick with them, especially during times bullying is most likely to occur, such as recess and traveling to and from school. Establish relationships with the parents of your child’s friends and make them aware of the situation.  If bullying typically occurs during the trips to and from school, drive your child or ask a neighbor or friend to do so. Although this step alone may not end the bullying, it provides your child with a bit more security and safety.

Stay involved.
Have access to your children’s email and social networking accounts so you can monitor their activity. Your child could be bullied while sitting right in your living room. Knowing your child’s circle of friends will also help you monitor appropriate or inappropriate relationships, and will help you keep track of friendships that are deteriorating. You can broach the subject by saying “I notice you are not hanging out with (name) much anymore. Why is that?”  If your child does not give you a direct reason, there may be more to the story.

Many professionals frown upon advising children to ignore the bullying, as it sends the message that adults will ignore it too. If you are still unsure of what to say to your child and feel you need more extensive support, seek the help of a health care professional, such as a psychologist or social worker.

Bullying is not just “kids being kids.” It is hurtful, unhealthy, and has the potential to cause long-term emotional and physical damage. Being informed and involved may save your child from this painful situation.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Everyone can remember their first day at a new school; the nerves that undoubtedly built as you entered a strange building, stared at a sea of unfamiliar faces, and struggled to establish new friendships. Your child will surely face these same fears as she enters her new school, but fortunately there are things you can do to ease her stress and facilitate a smooth transition.

There are many reasons for a change in schools. Some parents are unhappy with their child’s placement and seek a new experience more in sync with his needs. Some simply graduate and move on to the next school in their district. With job losses still climbing in the U.S., some families are relocating to a new city for job opportunities and a fresh start.

While it’s best to transfer schools at the start of a new academic year, when everyone else is learning the new routines as well, some moves cannot be avoided and must take place mid-year. If the change is scheduled for the fall, you can still start preparing your child now. These tips will help you whenever the move is scheduled.

• Be clear about why your child is changing schools. Ensure her that she did nothing wrong and that the move is meant to bring her more positive experiences. Give her warning about when the change will take place. Marking it on the calendar gives a clear visual for the timeline of the transition.
• Fill out all necessary paperwork in a timely fashion. Being called down to the office is an embarrassing moment for a child and keeping these distractions to a minimum will help him focus on his work. Completing health forms are especially important because many schools mandate all medical forms be complete in order to participate in any physical activity. Your child could be isolated and unable to participate in gym class, causing more stress.
• Contact the Parent-Teacher Association (PTA). Become an active member and use this opportunity to network with other parents. This gives you a chance to get to know the families you will be spending time with and will lessen your apprehension when your child asks for a playdate at a new friend’s house. It also shows you are excited to join the school’s community.
• Visit the school while it is in session and also at least once in the summer. Your child will have the chance to meet teachers, students, and other staff when they are present. Visiting in the summer gives your child time to “wander” around and learn her way without the stress of a crowd.
• Write a story together. Make your child the main character and have him generate ideas for the plot. Pose the question: “What type of things do you think might happen on the first day at your new school?” You can discuss situations that may cause anxiety and the appropriate way to handle them. This type of role-playing prepares your child for new interactions and gives him a script to fall back on. Always end the story on a positive note, for example, “James was so happy to meet children who like basketball, just like him!”
• Make sure your child has closure at her old school. Have a going-away party with her friends to celebrate the big move. Give her an address book so she can write down her friends’ contact information and have the option of keeping in touch once the move has happened.

As always, keep an open line of communication between you and your child as the transition begins. Ask questions like “Tell me your favorite thing about your new school” or “What is one thing you miss about your old school?” Talking about the change helps your child make it through the transition successfully.

Also, check with the school social worker and see if they have a “buddy” system for new students. Having a buddy show them around the first few days helps your child feel comfortable and she won’t have to worry about having someone to sit with at lunch.

If you see your child is still having a hard time adjusting four to six weeks into the new school experience, touch base with the school guidance counselor. Establishing a connection with an adult in school gives your child a place to share his anxieties or concerns during the day. The guidance counselor may be able to facilitate some productive interactions between peers in your child’s class, as well as work with the staff in the school to support your child

Stay positive! Show your child that you are making an effort to adjust to the new school routine as well and help her see this is an exciting journey for the whole family!

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.