The recent murder cases of Annie Le at Yale, possibly by 24-year-old Yale lab technician Raymond Clark, and of Trisha Leffler by accused Craigslist killer Philip Markoff obviously took the lives of two young women and shattered the lives of their families.  I have treated parents of murdered children, as well as their siblings, and know that the surface scars may fade over time, but that the internal emotional bleeding—the complicated grief—never seems to end. 
 
Less attention is paid to the other victims of such horrific crimes—the families, girlfriends and friends of the killers.  Both Raymond Clark and Philip Markoff were not only the sons of mothers and fathers, but both men were engaged to be married.  In both cases, if convictions are obtained, their fiancés are left to pick up the pieces of their psyches, battered by the knowledge that they had loved and committed themselves to men who were pathologically violent.
 
When one’s son or daughter, husband or wife, or fiancé turns out to be a stranger full of darkness, it is a reckoning with reality like few others.  I have counseled such individuals and seen the tears in their eyes and the stress in their faces as they tried to make sense of how someone seemingly so close to them could have been, in fact, infinitely far removed. If people who profess their love can keep their darkest truths under wraps, who and what can be trusted in the world?
 
Many, many people know something about the challenges that face the “survivors” of intimate connections with murderers.  After all, my practice has long been populated by those who were injured by assailants who played the role of parents, teachers and mentors. Their ability to trust is often long in being reborn, relying not a little bit on how trustworthy and reliable I can be as a clinician.  Such is the miracle of human empathy:  the example of a decent, caring relationship can mend some of the damage done by a harmful one, even a predatory one.
 
Yet to have lived with or loved a killer is a special case.  The journey back from that kind of terror and self-doubt has several ingredients.  First, it has to be said that there are among us men (and women) who can indeed wear what the great psychiatrist Hervey Cleckley called a mask of sanity.  Having buried their destructiveness and rage deep inside them (until it explodes) they become people imitating people, doing those things that seem kind and respectful, without feeling kind or respectful.  They are playacting, and they can be better at it than the best actor in any movie.  Scott Peterson, who killed his wife Laci and their unborn son Conner, was such a man—likeable, with good manners, able to win women over with one-liners harvested from movies and chilled champagne tucked in a backpack for a romantic hike.
 
So those who share their lives with killers can take some solace in the fact that many pass themselves off as normal, even to law enforcement officials and psychiatrists. That’s the easy part.
 
The harder part is understanding that there can be a reason why those who turn out to have loved killers find themselves in that rare psychological territory.  And often that relates to their own willingness to distance themselves from core feelings of anger and anxiety and accept the surface of things. Very often the lovers and best friends and even parents of killers have had traumatic life experiences that paved the way for them turning a blind eye to their emotions and instincts, making them the ideal partners for predators. 
 
Predators can sense when they are in the presence of others who will take them at their word. 
 
Like most of our emotional challenges in life, the biggest hurdle to healing for those with a killer in the family is looking inside themselves, at the very things they have tried to avoid seeing.
 
Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement including www.livingthetruth.com. Dr. Ablow can be emailed at info@keithablow.com.

It seems that the medical marijuana movement is on the move!

After years of difficult encounters with state and federal legislation to get approval on a nationwide level, stories about the benefits of medical marijuana have been overwhelming the news cycles.

A recent story from Harvard declared that one of the active ingredients in marijuana cut tumor growth in common lung cancer in animals. I read another story that found marijuana use in the Seattle-area increased rates of testicular cancer. It seems science is all over the place, but many states are trying to amend their local laws in an effort to legitimize medical marijuana use among people that have medical necessity.

So I wonder how our new administration will tackle the issue. Are we going to see national guidelines for proper indication based on real science? Or are we going to end up with the same system we have today, which seems to be an unregulated service with poor checks and balances?

Certainly one thing that cannot be tolerated is for the federal government to look the other way. The medical community should have a strong voice, not only in science, but in the way the system will operate, since it is they who will most likely be responsible for any hiccups along the way.

Patients who have legitimate medical needs should also be heard so the system doesn’t become polluted with people trying to take advantage of the availability of medical marijuana.

Join the discussion on my Facebook page.

If you are suffering from a toothache, chipped tooth, loose filling or other dental emergency, it’s important to call your dentist as soon as possible. Toothaches may be an indication of a cavity or other serious problem — such as a bacterial infection — that will need to be addressed quickly and should not go untreated. Until a professional treats you, here are some at-home tips to calm oral pain and what to do when an unexpected emergency arises.

With most dental emergencies, severe pain may be a factor. Aspirin or aspirin substitutes should be avoided as they can slow clotting. If you cannot manage the pain without assistance, you may consider ibuprofen or naproxen sodium — but only if you have no previous allergies or medications that can interact with these painkillers. Be sure to check with your doctor or pharmacist and carefully follow your doctor’s and label instructions.

Cavity Calming Solutions
Applying ice (on and off) to the affected area or to the cheek may help sooth irritated nerves and reduce swelling. Oil of cloves (from the pharmacy), or even fresh cloves from the spice rack, have been known as an aid in relieving pain naturally. Never place an aspirin directly on a painful area inside the mouth. Very gentle massaging and flossing can help to remove irritants, while rinsing with a tepid crystal salt water solution will help reduce swelling and detoxify the mouth. Real vanilla extract placed on a cotton ball and then dabbed around an irritation may also help relieve pain.

Broken Tooth
Rinse your mouth with a warm crystal salt-water solution and get to your dentist as soon as possible. Bleeding may be stopped with gentle pressure to the gums, not to the tooth. Remember to bring any tooth fragments to the dentist with you and keep them hydrated in a solution such as milk or salt water. A soft piece of wax or a temporary filling material from the pharmacy may help to prevent further irritation.

Knocked-out Tooth
Hold or place your tooth in the socket if possible or wrap in clean, wet gauze until you can see a dentist. A tooth has a better chance of being saved and re-implanted if you can get to a dentist within 30 minutes. Call an emergency room or 24-hour dental service if you can’t reach your dentist in time. Biting down on a moistened tea bag may help sooth and slow bleeding.

Crown or Bridge Fell Out
Use a little petroleum jelly or denture adhesive available from the pharmacy under the crown to hold it in place — as a very temporary fix — until you can see a dentist. Do not chew on the crown or bridge.

Bitten Tongue or Lip
Apply a cold compress and gentle pressure to help stop bleeding. If bleeding does not stop, go to an emergency room.

Object Caught Between Teeth
If you cannot remove an object with gentle flossing, do not cut your gums or use any sharp objects to remove the obstruction. You should rinse with warm crystal salt water solution until you can see a dentist.

We often say the mouth is the gateway to total wellness. Treat your mouth with respect and care, including eating a healthy, antioxidant-rich diet, and exercising and brushing three times a day. Visit your dentist regularly for cleanings and oral health exams. Your dentist may be able to prevent a possible emergency by catching dental problems before they begin — saving you a lot of discomfort and a potential emergency visit later. And common dental issues, such as gum disease, may be precursors to other, more serious illnesses. Studies from Harvard and other major medical institutions have proven that poor gums can put you at high risk for diabetes, heart disease and other illness.

Many people see their dentist more than they see any other doctor. If you are like many who are afraid to see the dentist regularly, ask about “pain free” dental care. In fact, many of our patients find our treatments and procedures soothing and even comforting. Today’s dental science has come a long way — and patients should not be afraid to seek good oral health options. If you are concerned because you do not have insurance, talk to your dentist about possible payment options or other forms of help that may be available.
Dr. Gerald P. Curatola is a renowned aesthetic dentist and pioneer in the emerging field of rejuvenation dentistry, which improves patients’ overall health and appearance by integrating total wellness with cutting edge oral care and restorative procedures. In addition to his private practice, research, and work as a Clinical Associate Professor at NYU College of Dentistry, he is an internationally sought after speaker, author and expert who has been featured widely in print and broadcast media. For more information, go to DrGerry.net

The urge to smoke is contagious, but quitting apparently is, too. A team of researchers who showed that obesity can spread person-to-person has found a similar pattern with smoking cessation: A smoker is more likely to kick the habit if a spouse, friend, co-worker or sibling did.

What’s more, smokers tend to quit in groups and those who don’t stop puffing increasingly find themselves pushed to the edge of their social circles, the researchers found.

“Your smoking behavior depends upon not just the smoking behavior of the people you know, but also the people who they know” and so on, said Dr. Nicholas Christakis, a medical sociologist at Harvard Medical School and lead author of the new report.