There are key players in your child’s educational experience. The teacher, the principal, and you all have clearly defined roles in your child’s emotional, cognitive, and physical growth. There is, however, an often under-used player in schools across America; someone who is ready and willing to help. Each school has a guidance counselor, an important figure in the school but one that is often overlooked. The guidance counselor has a variety of “hats” to wear and can assist you and your child in many ways.

Scheduling
High school guidance counselors often aid in the creation of class schedules. Your child may want to meet with his guidance counselor to discuss his schedule for next year. Although most core classes are pre-determined based on state graduation requirements, your child may have elective classes to choose from and having the guidance counselor discuss his options helps him choose the right one.

School-wide campaigns
Schools have begun adapting specific curriculum or programs targeting bullying, drug or alcohol use, and healthy lifestyles among children. The guidance counselor is often the point person implementing these programs and training other school personnel to respond to situations regarding these issues. Reach out to the counselor for more information or for pointers on how to discuss these important topics with your children. Should your child be affected by any of these issues, you can use the counselor as a mediator or support for your family.

Individual counseling
Guidance counselors are often wearing their “other hats” so don’t forget their area of expertise. Your child may be having a hard time transitioning to a new school, establishing a positive relationship with a new teacher, or navigating a difficult friendship. Each of these situations may warrant a chat with the school counselor. Introduce yourself and your child to the counselor at the beginning of the school year so you have an established relationship.

References
School guidance counselors often have experience beyond the school and a network of professionals to reach out to. If you feel your child needs help beyond the parameters of school, ask for a reference from the guidance counselor. Your child may need to speak with a professional whose experience is in a specific area, such as childhood depression or eating disorders. You may also feel your child may need more extensive counseling that will require time beyond the school day.

These are just some ways the school guidance counselor can help your child. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the counselor and ask for assistance in other areas or ask her to direct you to the appropriate person. With all their roles in school, counselors are exceptional resources for you and your family.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Four times a year, parents across America get feedback on their child’s academic performance and it’s not always good news. Report cards can produce anxiety and stress for parents who want to help their children but aren’t sure how to do so. Keep in mind that a poor report card also produces anxiety and stress in your child, although these emotions may manifest differently in your child. A child who says he doesn’t care about his grades could be upset about doing poorly or lacking in self confidence. The same goes for children who act out when confronted about poor grades. No one wants to do poorly in school, but many are unsure of how to do well.

It is important to note that a bad report card can mean different things for different children. One child may maintain a certain average, then suddenly dip below that mark. Another child may earn grades that are low across the board. Whether this is your child’s first poor report card or fifth, you can do something about it and help your child take steps toward success.

If your child comes home with a poor report card, follow these three steps to getting him back on track and on his way to a more positive learning experience.

Stay calm
You’re obviously upset but bringing those feelings to the table will undoubtedly produce anxiety in your child. Your child knows his grades are poor so you don’t need to state the obvious. Taking the emotion out of your interaction provides a neutral platform for you and your child to discuss the changes that need to be made in order to improve her grades. Avoid phrases like “I’m disappointed in you,” “You need to try harder,” or accusatory statements like “How many tests did you fail?” These statements are sure to produce anxiety or anger in your child and will inhibit her ability to communicate with you. Say “Tell me about Math class” instead. Approach your child when you have time to sit down and talk. We are all cranky when we are hungry, thirsty, or tired so keep that in mind when choosing a time to talk. Inviting your child to share a cup of tea or a snack is a comfortable arena in which to address the report card. Maintain your cool throughout the conversation, even if your child raises her voice.

Speak to the teacher
Parent-teacher conferences are typically scheduled around the time report cards are handed out. If your child’s school isn’t offering one, ask for one. Send the teacher a list of questions before the meeting so she can have answers for you at the meeting and possibly show you work samples. Approach the teacher calmly and ask for specifics about work your child may be missing, poor test scores, or areas of concern. Look at the breakdown of grades and the percentages your child earned for homework, classwork, participation, and tests. Ask for strategies that are being used in the classroom to support your child as well as strategies you can use at home. Neither the school nor the family can turn around a poor report card alone- it is a team effort. Ask to follow up with the teacher about two weeks after the initial conference to see if your child is showing improvement.

Establish your next step
Parents sometimes take the “wait and see” approach, especially since this is the first report card of the year. This approach never works, since we know that once a habit is established it is hard to break. Your next step may be following through with the teacher’s suggestions. You may also consider hiring a tutor or going to a learning center to seek extra support or new strategies for your child. Another option is to ask a neighbor, friend, or older family member to help with homework. Finding someone to tutor who has a strength where your child experiences a challenge could be a good match. Consider asking a teenage cousin or neighbor to help younger children a few days a week. Younger children often look up to older children so having a positive influence while doing homework may help motivate your child. If you do choose to have someone else work with your child, make sure you communicate specifics about your child’s strengths and challenges and strategies the teacher has already used or suggested.

It is important to remind your child that she is in control of her grades. She was not given poor grades; she earned them. Fortunately, this means she is in control of bringing her grades up again. Most teachers are clear as to what they are looking for in an essay, project, or test. Help your child outline the goals of an assignment when it is first assigned and check in with her frequently to see that she is staying on target. If extra credit is offered, sit down together to tackle the assignment.

Remember to praise your child for following through on school work, not just for earning good grades. Some children put forth good effort and still do not earn A’s. It is important to praise your child’s work ethic since this is truly a skill that will get her through life. Continued praise and positive support will help your child do her best.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Teachers, like most people, have a reputation in your community. This teacher is “the nice one” and that teacher is “the structured one.” Depending on your child’s personality, talents and challenges, you decide that your child absolutely must have “this teacher” in order to be successful.  When your child gets assigned to “that teacher’s” class, you fret and worry about how he or she will ever survive the year. Parent-teacher conferences role around at the end of October, and you are now sitting face to face with the person who will lead your child on this leg of her educational marathon. 

The most important thing to remember when going into your child’s conference is to suspend your preconceived notions and go to the meeting with an open mind. You may see a different side to the teacher or find that he or she is not  “the mean one” after all.  Listen to what she has to say and be receptive to her educational opinion on your child’s class work.

In addition to coming into the meeting with an open mind, here are some other tips for having a productive parent teacher conference this fall.

Prepare questions
Come prepared with specific questions. Make a list and leave space to take notes on the teacher’s response.  Keep in mind that most conferences have a time limit- typically about ten minutes- so narrow down your list to the most important three or four questions. It is better to spend time discussing three or four questions in depth than to rush through ten questions.

Stay on topic
The upcoming 3rd grade holiday party may pop into your head while speaking with the teacher but this is not the time to talk about it. Make a column on your notes for “Questions for Tomorrow.” Write a note or an email to the teacher with that list of questions the next day. Start the email thanking her for the conference and let her know you didn’t want to waste valuable conference time on “housekeeping” issues.

Only talk about your child
Now is not the time to clear the air about playground quarrels or disagreements between the class mothers. It is simply inappropriate to discuss your child’s classmates with the teacher.  The teacher does not want to referee or be involved in any way with these types of discussions. Putting her in that position will leave her feeling uncomfortable and the more you bash others when speaking with the teacher, the less she will want to communicate with you.

Ask for homework
Ask the teacher for one or two things that you can spend time working on at home.  Every student has a skill or an area that could use some extra reinforcement.  Teaches know that you don’t have a degree in education so be comfortable asking for specific ways you can support your child at home. Ask for strategies or techniques to use and follow up in a few weeks to let her know how it’s going.

Save your marital problems for a counselor
Do not let your personal relationship issues rear their ugly head during the conference.  It is not uncommon for spouses to disagree on parenting techniques, but now is not the time to discuss your differences. Be careful not to let “I agree with you but he doesn’t think so” slip out either. You must maintain your composure during conferences, even if you and your spouse are in the midst of an argument. Many teachers have been put in the middle of disagreements between spouses and it makes for an awkward situation. Remember, this is your child’s teacher and she has no place mediating for you and your spouse.

Parents are usually eager to have the teacher’s attention during conferences and teachers look forward to the opportunity to keep parents informed about their child’s progress. If you feel your conversation needs to go beyond the brief conference, ask the teacher for a follow up meeting or phone conference later in the week.

Remember to keep an open mind when meeting your child’s teacher. Some of the most amazing educators feel a lot of pressure during conferences and therefore have trouble sharing their knowledge and insight with parents in this format. Do not interrupt the teacher or finish her thoughts. Let her get her point across and then respond.

Always thank the teacher for her time and her work, even if you disagree with her opinions or techniques. “Thank you for your time” shows that you respect her position and are willing to have a positive relationship that will ultimately benefit your child.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

I recently stopped by my friend’s house to say hello and found the family, with three teenage sons, engaged in an intense conversation about choosing colleges. Knowing how happy I was with my choice of undergraduate and graduate schools, they turned to me to ask for my advice on the topic. As our conversation progressed, I thought also of the varsity level athletes I coach that are faced with the same challenge and are balancing their remaining high school years with preparation for the next step. High school students across the country are struggling with the decision that will define their professional careers and and will fondly be looked back on as the best years of their lives.

For families going through this selection process for the first time, choosing colleges to apply to can be especially overwhelming and confusing. How do we find the “right” school? Do graduates of certain schools have an advantage in the job market? What happens if she gets their and hates it? Guidance counselors can certainly help match your child’s academic goals with schools accordingly but no one knows your child as well as you do. You are the one who will be traveling all over, visiting colleges, nagging your child to get those essays finished, and paying all the application fees. These tips help you guide the conversation about colleges with your child before you head out to look as well as help you keep your perspective while engaged in the search.

Factors For Your Child to Consider

Academics
You obviously want to match your child’s academic strengths and goals with various colleges she is considering. Keep in mind that we are asking an eighteen year old to decide what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Consider a number of options when investigating academic programs. Maybe she is a great writer but also enjoys biology. Find a school that has strong programs for both, in case she changes her mind about becoming an English teacher and decides she wants to be pre-med. It happens more often than you think.

Location
Teenagers often express the desire to leave their hometown and go far away. Keep in mind that teenagers have a limited perspective on how far “far away” really is. Tell your child that even if he is just an hour from home, he is away from home. Remind him If he wants to come home for the weekend to do laundry and get a home-cooked meal, a five hour drive or a plane ride can be exhausting. It’s common for freshmen to be restricted from having a car on campus so be honest with your child about how often you can go pick him up or pay for a plane or train ticket home. Also factor in any family events or special occasions your child may miss if he attends a school far from home.

Size
Your child says “I want to go to a big school.” Teenagers often use college as an opportunity to reinvent themselves, but consider all the factors that come into play regarding the size of the school. If your child is confident, expresses herself well, and is a good problem solver, she may do well at a large school, which can be difficult to navigate. The same child may not enjoy a small school as she is looking for more opportunities to meet people, take a variety of classes, and enjoy different social activities. If your child prefers routine, enjoys a small group of friends, and finds comfort in smaller circles, she may enjoy a smaller school. Some large schools have extensive bus systems to get to and from classes. Some schools are far away from shopping and entertainment. Take time when you visit colleges to check out the layout of the school and the transportation available for students.

Weather
Moving from Florida to Wisconsin makes for a huge difference in climate. This should be an important factor for your child when choosing a college. If he is used to warm weather and enjoys warm-weather activities, he may not look forward to learning to ski. This may seem like a minimal factor in choosing the right school but think that your child will essentially be living in this town or city for the next four years. There are certain things about a school you can maneuver around but, as you know, the weather is beyond anyone’s control.

Social Climate
Some schools are known for their athletic teams, greek life, or on-campus social activities. Making sure your child’s social interests match those of the school he attends is important. Although you hope your child will spend all his time studying, he will engage in social activities while away at school. College is an important time for your child to learn time management and part of that includes engaging in enjoyable activities during his down time so he is more efficient while studying and attending class. Visit colleges while they are in session so you can get a feel for the social climate. Take the tour offered by colleges that is often run by current students or alumni. Ask that person questions about the social climate of the school.

What Parents Need to Remember

Your child is under a lot of stress
As nervous as you may be about sending your child away to school, remember that your child is faced with a huge decision. He is expected to choose a college that will shape his last school experience and prepare him for a career. All this is happening while he is taking his SAT’s, playing in the big game, and managing friendships. He has a lot on his plate and needs you to be the calming factor in his life. Approach the topic of college early and  when you have time to talk about his options and visit as many schools as possible. Read your child’s stress levels and discuss college when he has time to talk. Start the conversation in your child’s sophomore year and plan on visiting schools in his junior year of high school.

Transferring is always an option
Your child may think she’s picked the perfect school and find she was wrong. Transferring to another school is a possibility and although the credits she took the first semester may not transfer, her happiness is important in the long run. This may not be the ideal option but it is comforting to know that there is an option if Plan A doesn’t work out.

Put your dreams on hold
Although you have been dreaming about this moment since your child was born, remember that this is his life and his choice. You would love him to attend your alma matter but is it truly the right fit for him? You love going to football games at the state university but will be really be happy there? Let your child be the guide and follow his lead. Your dream should be that your child is happy and confident in his choice of college, not that you can brag to your friends about the schools he got accepted into. Your child is about to embark on the most exciting adventure of his life and he is going to look to you for support from the moment he fills out the admission forms until he gets his diploma.  If he is happy, comfortable, and productive he’s made the right choice.

These tips can help you narrow down your options before you go out and visit schools, which ultimately, is the best way to choose the right school. When you go to visit each school, encourage your child to stand quietly on campus for a few minutes and look around. Watch his body language. Talk about his comfort level at each school. Listening to that little voice in your head telling you what feels right is the best tool you can teach your child as he looks for a college. Hopefully he will take that tool with him as he ventures out and starts to make his own decisions.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Being a single parent presents the same challenges all parents face but you have two less hands to help. When you are raising a family by yourself you are the one getting lunches ready, giving baths, and driving to and from football practice. You can’t use the good cop/bad cop routine. You don’t ever get a break.  Many single parents work long hours or even work two jobs. You are faced with the financial and time constraints of a two-parent household with one income. Luckily, there are a few simple changes you can make that will help you support your child without adding stress to your already busy life.

Create a “home base”
For your “home base” you will need a calendar, a basket for incoming schoolwork, a spot for backpacks, and space to write. Your home base can be a corner of your kitchen, a side table in your living room, or an office. Announce this spot to your children as the hub of your home and remind them to use it as such. Use a different color pencil for each child’s activities to keep your children’s schedules straight. Encourage your children to keep track of their own activities. Designate a basket where your children can put notices that you need to see and forms you need to sign. Keeping all the forms in one place ensures you don’t miss important information. Keep pencils and pens next to the basket so you can fill out forms immediately and put them right back into your child’s backpack. Your time is valuable, and having a home base keeps you from wasting time searching all over the house for forms, notices, and assignments that need to get sent to school.

Ask for help…and return the favor
Don’t be afraid to ask a neighbor or friend for help. Most moms know that no matter what the circumstance, being a parent requires lots of juggling. Asking a neighbor to drive your child to school in the morning is fine, but be sure to return the favor and drive the kids to the school dance over the weekend. Remember- a simple thank you goes a long way. A bouquet of flowers, a gift card for a coffee shop, or a batch of cookies are inexpensive ways to show you appreciate the support you get and it has not gone unnoticed. A handwritten note to say thanks for the help does the trick, too.

Communicate with the teacher
Let her know what days or times are best for you to meet or to speak on the phone. Give her a time frame in which you intend to return her calls or notes. If you know you work late and don’t always get to her notes right away, let her know she can expect to hear from you within 48 hours. If you have a day off during the week, ask for her consideration when scheduling meetings. Being clear about communication with your child’s school leads to consistent and open interactions.

Prioritize
You can’t be in three places at once so choose the meetings, school events, and games that mean the most to you and your children. Include your children in the process by letting them choose an event they want you to attend. Be honest with your children about why you can’t be at all their events but don’t dwell on it. Refrain from constantly reminding them that you are the only parent helping out- they know this and you should vent to your friends, not your children. When they get home ask specific questions about what happened in the big game or the school play. If you want to volunteer at your child’s school but can’t be there all the time, ask if you can help stuff envelopes or make phone calls and do some of the behind-the-scenes work for events.

Remember that you are one person taking on a huge job and can only do your best each day. Pat yourself on the back for maintaining your children’s safety and security.  Give yourself credit for taking care of all the day-to-day responsibilities by yourself. Enjoy the time you get to spend with your children and stay positive- your children will model your attitude and you can be a happy and productive family together.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Parents second-guess themselves all the time. Should I have let him go to that party? Was I too hard on her? Should I tell him to study more? Parents of children with special needs question themselves about day-to-day parenting decisions and much more. Parents of children with special needs have children with very specific emotional, social, and academic needs and often little or no training or education in these areas. While you don’t need to know every strategy for educating your child, you do need to know how to communicate with your child’s school. Consider this your general “To Do” and “Not-To-Do” list, which supports that communication. Remember- communication with the experts educating your child ultimately results in steps forward for his education.

DO:

Come to meetings with notes
Keep a notebook or binder that comes with you to every meeting. Record the date, location, attendees, and reason for meeting for future reference. You may need to refer back to something a team member said and it’s best to have all the facts. Meetings tend to move quickly and you may forget questions you had or points you wanted to make.

Take your time
Ask as many questions as you need to ask.  Don’t let anyone rush you. If you need a term defined, say “Can you please explain that to me?” Do not sign anything if you don’t know what it is. You may take your notes and reports home and look at them with your spouse before agreeing to any services or strategies. Make sure you understand what your child’s speech, OT, and PT services look like, as well as his core academic curriculum.

Establish a positive relationship with your child’s school
Communicate honestly and respectfully with your child’s teacher. This may seem like an obvious suggestion but stop and think. Do you really feel comfortable speaking with your child’s teacher? Do you feel like she understands what is important to you? There may be times when you disagree but having an established relationship makes those times much easier to navigate. Ask your child’s teacher how best to communicate with her. Does she prefer email or a phone call? Does she prefer you to come in for a meeting or write a note? Also, ask what time of day is best. Some teachers schedule time for communication in the morning or during a period when the class is out at a special activity. Keep in mind, the teacher has many families to attend to and reaching her at her optimal time ensures you have her undivided attention. It also shows that you appreciate her time.

DON’T:

Rely on information from other parents
Even if it’s someone you trust or consider “in the know.” They may have misheard something or interpreted something wrong. Remember the game “Telephone” you played as a kid? The last person to hear something rarely gives an accurate representation of what the first person said. Go directly to the source and ask specific questions. You are likely to get specific answers.

Get down on yourself
As your child grows, you will learn more about her challenges and strengths. Reach out to your child’s teacher and therapists and ask for strategies and tasks you can use at home. Remember that your child will not be “cured” in a day. The teachers and therapists, in conjunction with you, are working towards a common goal and there are bound to be some missteps along the way. Your child’s growth takes time and you will learn together how to steer her in the right direction. Pat yourself on the back for doing a good job!

Only communicate when you have something negative to say
Nothing burns a teacher more than hearing people say “Oh how nice! You get out of work at 3:00 and you have summers off!” This is not why we became teachers and it is not what keeps us motivated. Your child’s success is. (Also, I don’t know many teachers who leave at 3:00 and who aren’t setting up their classrooms most of August!) We love to hear that you see the progress we have so carefully crafted and nurtured. We love to hear that you liked the assignment we spent weeks planning. We love to hear that your child is excited about coming to school. This is what drives us. That and the “A-ha!” moments we get to see your child have when in our care keep us going. A simple “thank you” goes a long way.

Remember that you are your child’s advocate and you must be informed about her education. Ask questions, gather information from reliable sources, and communicate often with the educators working with your children. It seems like an overwhelming list of tasks, but take it one day at a time and remember you too are still learning. You will continue to grow along with your child and meet success together.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

All parents are looking for ways to maximize their children’s educational experience. As a parent of a child with special needs, you are likely focused on more than academics. You have probably met with speech, occupational, and physical therapists, classroom teachers, and behavior specialists. They have given you advice on how to work with your child and areas you can target at home. All this advice is great but can be overwhelming. Now your child’s teacher tells you she will be attending a mainstream class with 25 peers and you’re not sure where to shift your focus. These tips will help you support your child at home as she begins her new experience at school.

Academics
Read, read, and read some more! Reading is the most important area you can work on because your child needs to read in a number of situations. Speak with your child’s teacher about his reading level and materials and strategies you can use at home. He may be working on a specific book or program. He may use a shield so he can focus on one line at a time. Make sure you know what he has done at school to avoid confusion. Many parents find it difficult to maintain their child’s focus because reading is a challenging area but it is crucial to make reading fun. Words are everywhere! Have your child read signs and posters when out in the community. Take turns reading every other page in a book before bed. Ask him to read labels on snacks. When he reads, praise him! Offer a special reward for reading, something he only gets after reading with you. Motivation is important to keep him working on an area that can be very frustrating.

Organization
Organizing herself and her belongings is an important piece of attending a mainstream class. Your child needs to organize her materials in her backpack and desk, on top of her desk while she works, and while moving throughout the hallway and class. The pace of a mainstream class is fast and being prepared will help your child maintain the pace with her peers. Have her carry items in the grocery store and help her organize them in her arms so she doesn’t drop them. Help her organize her backpack before school and adjust items so they all fit. When doing homework, make sure she folds her notebook back and exposes only the page she is writing on. Being able to organize her items will allow her to focus on the lesson and social interactions in class.

Independence
The less your child needs an adult to prompt him, the more seamless his experience will be in the mainstream. Start fostering independence in activities such as packing up his backpack, self-care skills, and eating. Make sure he can open his own juice box, snack bags, and lunch box. Make sure he retrieves and cleans up all materials during meal time and work time. The less he needs an adult to help him, the easier it will be for him to participate in class activities.

Socialization
Borrow siblings, neighbors, and friends’ children! Practice playing games, taking turns, and sharing toys and materials.  You may want to explain to the peer models you are using that your child is still learning how to do each of these things. Tell them “Everyone has things they are good at and things they are still learning how to do. Henry knows a lot about animals and he is learning how to make friends.” They don’t need any more information that that and sometimes acknowledging your child needs help will help them understand their role.

Preparing your child for an experience in the mainstream class can seem overwhelming; there are so many nuances that can’t be taught. Following these guidelines will give your child more than academic skills- it will make them a more confident, independent learner. The less your child has to worry about the “small stuff” the more time she has for academic instruction and establishing connections in the mainstream setting.

Continue to communicate with the classroom teacher regarding her progress in the mainstream setting. Let the teacher know you would like to reinforce skills taught at school in the home. As always, open and continuous communication will ultimately benefit your child, especially as she takes this big leap into a new setting.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

The key to balancing school and social life seems to be the Holy Grail of parenthood. Parents often cite a conflict between each. Put your child in too many activities, and see a decline in academic performance. Focus solely on academics, and you sacrifice a well-rounded child. With colleges looking at factors beyond a solid grade point average, parents have been working to support a child with a strong academic background as well as other skills and talents. Balancing school and a social life is one key to supporting such a child without having to forgo one for the other.

Sleep!
This is easier said than done. Keep in mind that you and your child can only accomplish so much in one day. Be proud of all that you did in a day and get your family to bed at an early time. You know how much sleep your child needs to operate at his best. Also remember that the more tired your child is, the harder it is for him to concentrate. Assignments will take longer to complete the later he stays up. It may be to his benefit to go to bed at his normal time and get up a few minutes early to complete his assignment. A good night’s sleep should never be sacrificed.

Stick to the routine…then change it
Many families establish routines in the beginning of the school year with the good intentions of maintaining them through June. The key to establishing successful routines is to recognize when your families’ needs have changed and when the routine needs to change. Stop banging your head against the wall if the schedule is not working. For example, Dad may have helped with homework but now is going to run the carpool to soccer because he gets home later from work. Changing your routine doesn’t mean you have failed- it means you are in tune with how best to manage your family. Make sure that you have a family meeting to notify everyone of the changes and to troubleshoot any possible conflicts. Also, be sure not to change routines too often. Your children will get confused with frequent changes, which defeats the purpose of having a routine.

First work, then play
Staying on top of long term projects and upcoming tests will help you and your child structure his time. Getting work done early allows free time at the end of the week. Sometimes doing work at the last minute makes us feel busier than we actually are. Working on a long-term assignment for even 10 minutes a day is better than leaving it until Sunday, when you should be spending quality time with your family. Set a goal for your child in regards to homework and studying. Tell him if he finished a certain percentage or piece of his assignment he can have a playdate or sleepover on the weekend. Help him make the correlation between “First work, then play.” This will benefit him now as a student and later as an adult.

Schedule unscheduled time!
Set aside time where you have absolutely nothing scheduled! This doesn’t mean you have to stay home. It could mean that you wake up every Sunday morning and see what your family is in the mood to do that day. Leaving free time is so important for your family- emotionally and physically. Children have lots of energy and you may worry about hearing “I’m bored” but everyone needs some time to just relax. This is very important as your child becomes more involved in extra-curricular activities and sports.

You may set boundaries for your family but other parents can ambush your plans. Most parents have been caught off guard when a child’s friend asks for a sleepover. Your child inevitably begs and pleads and promises to get up on time for softball practice the next day. Sometimes being proactive and setting an example will let people know what you are comfortable with. For example, if your child asks for a friend to come over for a playdate, approach the parent alone. Say “Kate is going to ask Danielle if she wants to come over tomorrow. I wanted to give you a heads up- I know I don’t like surprises!” If you are comfortable speaking directly to the parent, let them know that you would appreciate a call ahead of time so that you can check your schedule and work something out. It is also perfectly acceptable for your child to hear “No” sometimes so if you feel a sleepover will wreak havoc on your weekend plans, be confident in scheduling it for another time. Be prepared for the whining and protesting that may ensue and stick to your decision!

Don’t feel bad about saying “Next time” to friends and family. You know when your family has reached its max and absolutely cannot survive another birthday party, movie night, or barbeque.

Pay attention to your child’s signs of stress. Some children become withdrawn while others become irritable. Make sure you keep an eye for your child’s signs and act accordingly. You may need to cancel an event or just schedule a fun activity to balance out others. The key to balancing school and social life is being flexible and always keeping your child’s physical and emotional health as the top proiority.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

You have signed up your child for extra-curricular activities, stuffed his new backpack with all the school supplies a teacher could ask for, and purchased new shoes and clothes, which, of course, he will outgrow before Thanksgiving. You think you have tackled every item on your back to school list, but there is one thing left to do. Establishing a good work environment at home is an important way to support your child’s education. This means organizing a work space at home as well as establishing a routine for the family to follow during work time. Even the most organized Mom can learn some new tricks to keep her kids on track as the school year gets underway.

Designate a Work Zone
Establishing an area where your child will work each night is the first step to success. We know that routine and structure help children’s growth in a number of areas so naturally having a homework routine will help her academics. It could be the kitchen table so you are available to help while cooking dinner or a desk in her room. Make the area comfortable with lots of room for books and papers and a comfortable seat. The area should be well lit. 

Keep it Clean
Many children do their homework in a common area of the house, which naturally tends to accumulate clutter such as newspapers, school notices, and other personal items. Use baskets or table-top file storage to keep these papers in order. Clear the kitchen table of any centerpieces or decorations. Do not set the table for dinner until homework is done. Keeping the work area clean helps your child keep his thoughts clear.

Caution! Kids at Work!
Establishing rules for behavior during work time can be just as important as defining the work space. If your child is working on homework, the television, computer, iPod, and cell phone should be turned off. If she has a lot of work, you may want to schedule break times. You can set an amount of time or number of homework pages to complete before she can cash in on her break. Make sure she has snack before she begins since we know hungry children have difficulty concentrating. It is also important to establish a routine for siblings who finish homework first or don’t have any homework. Keep a box of puzzles, books, and toys that come out only when you need your child to be occupied for an extended period of time. You can also send siblings to use the computer and reinforce academic skills with online games or educational software. Remember to keep the pets occupied, too. Let the dog out or have an older family member take him for a walk.

Keep Supplies Handy
Utilize a plastic storage unit for commonly used supplies, such as writing utensils, scrap paper, glue, scissors, calculators, a dictionary, a thesaurus, and index cards. A table top organizer with drawers will cost about $15 and a rolling cart is about $30. Having these supplies handy cuts down on the time spent looking for them and in turn, time spent off task. It also creates a sense of independence for your child as he can access the materials without your help.

Time management is an important, and often challenging, skill for children to aquire. Balancing social and academic events can be difficult for your child to do. Another way to support an organized and effective work environment at home is to help your child manage all the events in her life. Keep a calendar in the most commonly used room of the house. Use a different color pencil for each family member and keep track of important events, like sports practices, school concerts, or homework assignments. Encourage your child to check the calendar each day for upcoming events, homework assignment due dates, and tests.

Although families these days are incredibly busy, it is important to avoid using your car as a spot for homework. If you are waiting to pick up a child from practice, find a library close to the field where one child can do homework while the other finishes up his sport. The car is not an optimal location for doing homework and your child will not do his best work here.

Remember to encourage your child while she is working. A pat on the back, a high five, or a simple “Great work!” will boost her morale and motivate her to keep working.

Each year, families say “We can’t believe how fast the summer went!” Before you know it, you will be back in the swing of the academic year, complete with games, concerts, and tests. Like it or not, homework is on its way and you can use these ideas to support a positive work environment in your home.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

With estimates of 30 to 40 million children participating in organized youth sports in the U.S., you will likely be attending your fair share of athletic events this fall. You know you have to drive your child to and from practice and make sure his or her jersey is washed for game day, but your support of your student athlete goes far beyond that. From proper nutrition to early bed times, you are a key factor in your child’s athletic success.

In addition to the physical support you offer your child, your emotional support is important as well. Student athletes are faced with a number of issues such as the question to use performance enhancing drugs, maintaining good grades, and being a productive member of a cohesive team. There are a number of things you can do to guide your child to make sound decisions as a student athlete this year.

Support the Balancing Act
As your child gets older and her sport gets more competitive, the time spent involved in that sport increases. Practices are usually every day after school or in the evening and often on the weekend as well. Some sports, such as hockey, practice in the mornings before school because of limited availability of practice facilities.

In addition to the hours spent on the field, your child needs to maintain the hours spent in the books. Creating a schedule for your child will help her find time for both school and sports. Write all practices and games on a calendar in a common area of the house. Encourage her to map out her week by writing important homework assignments or tests on the calendar so she gives herself enough time to study.

It’s easy for families to procrastinate long-term projects and class assignments after a long day at work, school and practice. Remember that studying a little bit each night, even when she is tired, will benefit your child in the long run. Be wise about how you spend what little down time you have. This may mean saying no to weekend parties or gatherings in order to give your student athlete some rest. School always comes first and many athletic programs have rules regarding minimum grades in order to participate in sports. Discuss the school’s policy with your child and communicate with her teachers to make sure she is maintaining her grades. If her grades drop, you need to re-evaluate her participation on the team.

Be a Good Sport
There has been lots of press on this topic and you may think you already show good sportsmanship while watching your child’s game. Keep in mind that your child hears everything- even things you think you said under your breath. Stay positive- even if your team is losing or another athlete makes an error on the field. Be the first to yell “That’s OK, Johnny. Here we go, bears!” Set the tone for the team and for other parents by helping your athlete shake off a mistake and get back in the game. This also applies to the car ride home after the game. If your child is upset about losing or making a mistake, remind him that any team can win on any day. It’s certainly acceptable for your child to want to better his skills, but focusing completely on the negative or being angry with others is not a productive way to grow as an athlete.

Communicate With the Coach
There may be times when you disagree with the coach’s decision or a play he called. It is not your place to call the coach after every game to recap the play-by-play. If there is a situation that is on-going, such as a teammate targeting your child or your child not getting any playing time, approach the coach in a calm fashion at an appropriate time. Ask to schedule a meeting with the coach and let him know what you want to discuss. Approach the coach in a respectful manner and ask for his opinion. You can certainly ask what you can do to support your athlete at home, particularly if the issue is your child’s skills. Show the coach, and your child, that you want to be part of the team that supports the team! It is also important that your child communicates with the coach. If there is a conflict with the schedule or your child has a question about the team, encourage him to approach the coach himself. This shows his maturity and desire to make the most of his experience on the team.

Encourage Off-Season Workouts
It is important for all children to engage in healthy activities. It is necessary for student athletes to maintain their strength and skills in the off-season to avoid injury when they return to their sport. Make fresh fruits, vegetables, and healthy protein a part of every meal. Most schools have a weight room that your child can take advantage of for free. Private instructors are available for most sports and some offer small group discounts. Check with your child’s friends about taking semi-private lessons to enhance skills in the off-season. Encourage healthy habits by limiting TV time and making family walks or pick-up games routine.

Be a Cheerleader
Be a visible supporter of your student athlete by attending as many games as possible. Seeing your face in the stands and hearing you yell her name will make your athlete feel really good. If work prevents you from being there, try and get a video of the game from the coach or another parent. Watch the game with your child and cheer her on- even if you know the final score. Your support means the world to your child and whether she is the star athlete or warming the bench, she will appreciate you cheering her on. You can also show your support by participating in fundraising events and other team activities. Many sports have a tradition of having a pasta dinner before a big game. Offer to host a dinner or contribute something to the meal.

The most important thing for you and your student athlete to remember is that participating in a sport should be enjoyable. Of course there are times of disappointment or discouragement, but your child’s overall experience should be positive. You are your child’s first and best teacher so supporting him through something he is passionate about will help him in all areas of his life.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.