Dear  Yvonne,
As a sophomore in college, I have a serious crush for the first time and I’m not sure if I like or dislike the sensations. What’s happening to me?
— Kaylie

Dear Kaylie,
As you become more infatuated with somebody, a lot of your time and energy goes to focusing on that individual and all of the events – or anything else – associated with that person. A person with a serious crush can seem almost obsessive with what’s called “intrusive thinking” – can’t get you out of my head. Some will feel awkward and nervous around a crush (with physical reactions to boot, for example, your heartbeat picks up), which isn’t always seen as a good thing. Away from a beloved or in processing a negative signal, you can feel depressed, full of despair or even listless. You may even experience “separation anxiety.” Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that one can’t really control these emotions unless they cut themselves off from the source entirely.

At the same time, if your crush experience is turning out to be positive, and your love object is returning your affections, all of the above will become addictive like a drug. So many would say that these things aren’t necessarily bad. Many thrive off of these roller coaster reactions. Either way, know that what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal!

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

R & B star Rihanna is reportedly back together with singer Chris Brown, risking her life for “love,” after he allegedly beat her so badly, anyone who saw her bruised face cringed.

Like many battered women, Rihanna doesn’t seem to see the danger in dancing with a violent man who has proven he can’t control his destructive impulses.  That’s because her vision is clouded by passion or naivete or whatever dark chapter of her own life she may be replaying now by “playing with fire.”

Rihanna’s father has apparently blessed his daughter’s decision, saying he’s “behind her,” whatever she decides.  That’s not loving your child; it’s letting her walk into the abyss, and it may be the best window on why Rihanna can’t stand up for herself.  Maybe no one ever did—even her dad.

If the allegations about Brown are true, the likelihood that he was “caught” the very first time he abused a woman is remote.  More likely, there have been other episodes of uncontrolled rage in his life and that there will be more.  Men who abuse women aren’t usually one-time offenders.  They lack the internal restraint necessary to control their impulses, or they harbor deep resentment toward females (often rooted in experiences and emotions from when they were much younger) or their behavior and judgment is impaired by alcohol or illicit drugs.  Very frequently, they have personality disorders, whether narcissistic or paranoid or antisocial.  They are entirely focused on their own needs and enraged when they aren’t met.

Rihanna proves that she doesn’t understand any of this by returning to her relationship with Brown so quickly.  There’s no possibility that he completed any anger management course or detoxed from any drug he might be on or delved deeply enough into his psyche to exorcise any demons that might have led him to turn his self-hatred into a clenched fist and the terror and tears of woman just 21 years old.

He needs help, and a lot of it.  So does she.

What Rihanna is teaching her lover is that her self-esteem is so low, or her need to fix a man so great, that she is willing to risk everything to be by his side. For a man like him, it unconsciously gives him license to strike out at her again.  And it actually deprives him of learning that his disorder can cost him things he cares about (if he actually does care about Rihanna at all).  

Rihanna’s decision is a terrible example for young women in America and around the world—as bad as anything we ever saw from Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan.

As a forensic psychiatrist, I’ve testified in murder cases that started out just like this one.  Let’s hope it doesn’t end as badly.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com or e-mail him at info@keithablow.com.

Dear Yvonne,
What do men find sexy in a woman? Is there any statistical evidence — for example, is it something like 20 percent of sexiness is down to looks, 10 percent is a sense of humor and 5 percent is confidence?
—Raegan

We as humans believe that others will have a higher opinion of us if we have a good-looking partner. While it’s harsh, in the dating game, this is more so in the case of a female’s “worth.”  People tend to want the pretty or handsome partner because we’re aware of the high value society places on physical attractiveness, and we are motivated by this social concern.

From an evolutionary perspective, good-looking equals “good breeding,” thus humans are motivated to find a mate with good genes. Genetic desirability is most often indicated in the forms of youth, good health, and symmetry. While the weight of different desirability traits vary per survey, men desire a lot of the same qualities in a mate that women do ― smarts, a sense of humor, and personality. They generally like femininity, preferring partners who are younger, of average intelligence, and with longer versus short hair. In general, though, men are a little more lax than ladies when it comes to finding a mate.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

This morning as I was leaving the house to come to work at FOX, my 12-year-old son asked me a question that stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Hey dad, is America in a depression?” he said.

And I said “No, why do you ask?”

“Because I hear everybody talking about the economy and all this trouble that I don’t understand,” he said.

“What do you know about the Great Depression of the 1920s,” I asked.

“Well,” he said, “I know there was no money and I think people were jumping out of buildings in New York.”

I tried to reassure him that things were okay and that nobody was jumping out of windows…yet.

But as I left, I started thinking about our conversation, and I asked myself: Why do innocent people suffer? How is all this anxiety and stress over the current economic crisis going to be remembered by the next generation in America?

Yes, every mental health professional will tell us that there are multiple studies that correlate severe financial debt and depression – even suicide.

I remember reading a recent report of two college student that killed themselves after being overwhelmed by credit card debt.

In India, an estimated 150,000 debt-ridden farmers have committed suicide since 1997.

Yes, we all know that suicide is not the solution, but again I asked myself, why do innocent people suffer?

And as I stopped to ponder the answer to my burning question, I began to evaluate some of the things that many of us have forgotten – the things that are truly important.

Love and respect for ourselves and others – that’s what’s important. You can’t buy happiness. The integrity of our lives and the way we love and respect the people we are so fortunate to have in them is far more important than any economic indicator on Wall Street.

So I thought long and hard, and I decided to tell my son the biblical story of Job – a story I think many people should read in these times of financial crisis.

Job was a happy man, a wealthy man who lived a prosperous life filled with family and good fortune. But one day, Job was tested by God. He was stripped of his fortune, his family and his health. Job began to complain of God’s indifference, he wondered why God did not punish the wicked instead of him. But after all of his analysis, he understood that what was important to God was the love that should never be questioned — the love that he has for his children. And, in the end, Job’s prosperity was restored.

Why do innocent people suffer? Because perhaps they forget that love, compassion and respect settles all debt.

 Forgive others and yourself.

One of the hurdles of seeking out the pain in your past and turning it into your power is that it can feel as if you are blaming others for your misfortune, including people you love (for example, your parents).

It is common for people to pause at the door of self-discovery and say, I don’t want to make it seem like my parents are responsible for what I am going through. But, that’s  like a cop-out.

 This worry reflects a core misunderstanding of the goal of Living the Truth. 

Living the Truth isn’t only about empowering yourself by refusing to pull away from your own pain.  It is about realizing that your parents (or anyone else) were limited by the same very human, very understandable, yet very toxic dynamics that you were. 

In doing this work, you will finally have learned to embrace your life story, good and bad. You have seen how you buried pain and disappointment behind shields that didn’t reflect your best self or demonstrate to people your true regard or love for them. If you can accept the actions of people who hurt you, you might be able to acknowledge that they, like you – like most people – were doing the best they could. You might be able to look at your father’s anger and see the tragic influence of his own father’s alcoholism. You might be able to recognize in your competitive sister the inevitable result of the extreme pressure your parents put on her to succeed.

 When we allow ourselves to see beyond people’s actions to their pasts, we take ourselves from anger to empathy.  This is the path to forgiveness.

 Of course, the most important person to forgive is yourself.  It is very difficult to forgive ourselves, because we know both our weaknesses and capabilities so intimately. We can always envision a million and one ways we could have been better, or have avoided a failure or loss. It helps sometimes to imagine someone we love who has struggled with her own demons. Would you give her permission to forgive herself for everything she has done that is not perfect, every misstep she has made in his own attempt to avoid pain and outrun the truth?  If so, can you imagine extending a similar kindness to yourself?

 You might find it useful to mark your decision to live a life in forgiveness.   We celebrate things like graduations and weddings; why not celebrate the day you decided to stop living in the resentments of the past in favor of living in the hope and promise of the future? There’s no need to be formal or to involve anyone but yourself. Simply writing down the date and a statement about who you have been angry at, and that it is your firmest intention to let that anger go, may be a sufficiently powerful gesture.

 Forgiveness isn’t something we do once and then forget about. It is a daily practice. After we have told people we forgive them, we show them by treating them with respect and kindness, and not letting underhanded remarks or lapsed responsibilities remind them that they somehow still “owe us.” We show forgiveness to our own parents not just by treating them better, but by being better parents to our children. The amazing thing is that by forgiving others, we are forgiving ourselves. We give ourselves the opportunity to live without rage. We resolve that unhealthy dynamics and patterns that have ruled our family for generations are going to stop with us.

 Living the Truth means feeling the pain of the past; forgiving those who blindly inflicted it on us, and resolving to do better for those we love. This is the highest form of human existence.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com.

Dear Yvonne:
I am 67 and my wife is 69 years old. We are having the time of our lives with a
little help from Levitra. We are both very healthy and enjoying retirement with
golf, tennis, etc. Sure would like to see a study on sex after 65. Are we normal? 
Jim

Dear Jim,
I’m glad to hear that you have an active, fulfilling sex life since sexual intimacy in the later years is a huge quality of life component that a lot of people either ignore or don’t want to hear about. But in 2004, AARP decided to look at elderly sex in a repeat study focusing on those 45 and older in the United States. It found that 49 percent of those who had regular sexual partners were having sexual intercourse at least one time per week. It also found that about two-thirds of them reported hugging or kissing their partners on a regular basis. Finally, the study found that slightly more than half of baby boomers and seniors are engaging in sexual touch or caressing on a regular basis. So if any of that sounds like you and your wife, then you fit right in with the “norm.” If you’re a little friskier than that, then I say enjoy your norm!

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

From silly to downright insane, some U.S. sex laws leave us wondering: what were they thinking?

Comment below.