Dear Mr. Jackson:

The occasion of your child’s death is a moment when all parents, including me, offer you every wish for strength and God’s healing power in the face of your loss.  Any father or mother can sense the tragedy it is to lose a son or daughter, yet no one who has not suffered such a loss can truly know your pain.

I would write no more than this were it not for the fact that you have used the occasion of your son’s passing and the attendant publicity to also promote your own business ventures, including your new record label.  This makes me feel it important, as a psychiatrist with access to the media, to reach out to you, with other parents and their adult children “listening” in. 

The foundation of our nation assures each person in this great country of certain inalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Great leaders and courageous soldiers have safeguarded these rights for our citizens, and they would make a decent Bill of Rights for parents raising children, too.  Fathering a child, you see, means far more than participating in a child’s conception and witnessing his birth; it means doing everything possible to optimize that child’s life.  This requires many acts of love and self-sacrifice. It pays immeasurable dividends in the growing self-confidence and autonomy you witness developing in the child you care so much about.

Somehow, perhaps because of pain suffered in your own early life experience, you stole that God-given potential for healthy development from your son.  You have admitted lashing him with a belt or a switch when he failed to perform dance steps to your standards.  According to him, you called him ugly when acne affected him as a teenager.  You brutalized him by placing your own pathologic need for control and for “success” above his needs for security and comfort and self-esteem.  In a very real way, you buried enough of his love for himself that he was no longer comfortable with his race or age or sexuality or even his great fortune.  Trying to please a father who beats you with a belt for missing a dance step will do that to you.

Now, even when saying goodbye to your son, you think of yourself and your business.  You are deprived of a purer life and love.  This makes me feel badly for you, but feel worse for the son you injured so deeply. 

Some will see you only as a monster.  I know that monsters are made through cruelties suffered in life; they never spring fully-formed onto the planet.

In your quiet moments, I hope that you can dig up the roots of the emotional and physical violence you visited upon your child.  One of the wonderful things about still being on the planet is that you always have some chance to win back the potential for real humanity buried inside you.  

Here’s a hint:  Success or failure in becoming human isn’t measured in record sales or reflected in the lenses of television cameras.  You have to look much, much deeper.

Millions of parents across the country face the tough decision of whether or not to place their children in daycare each year. As the number of families with both parents working outside the home has risen, the need for daycare services has increased dramatically. These families may not have relatives that live close by or are able to care for their children. Others families may have a parent that works from home but needs uninterrupted time to complete work. Many daycare centers offer full day versus half day or full week versus partial week options, priced accordingly. This allows each family to match the daycare’s services with their needs.

Daycare, however, is debated among parents, health care providers, and educational professionals. Some support daycare, saying it offers socialization and educational opportunities a child would not have staying at home with a parent or a relative. Others claim those who use daycare services are allowing others to raise their children and have abandoned their responsibilities as a parent. Like any controversial issue, there are arguments for both sides. Here’s a look at the pros and cons of sending your child to daycare.

Pros:
Independence- Children who separate from their parents early and have a positive experience at daycare learn to trust that Mom and Dad will leave but they always come back. In addition, these children become confident in their own skills and thus, more self-reliant.

Socialization- Even with siblings, you can’t match the opportunities for social interaction that a child has at daycare in the home. Your child will be placed in a class with children close in age and have opportunities to play and negotiate with peers each day. Nicole, of Northvale, New Jersey, says she toyed with the idea of keeping her one and 2-year-old home with an in-home caretaker because they had each other to play with. “Even though they are young, I see them argue. I made the right decision-it’s good for them to have time apart and play with other children at day care.”

Academic Advantage- Many daycares provide some form of instruction or exposure to academic concepts. Calendar concepts, time concepts, letters, and numbers are all explored during circle time each morning. Many daycares offer music classes and art projects, exposing your child to a variety of experiences. Your child will learn to follow a schedule and the structure will prepare her for school.

Cons
Increased Exposure to Illness- One parent, Lynn of Harrison, New Jersey, reports her children have come down with more illnesses since they started daycare this past September. Lynn works to provide health benefits for her family of five as well as to supply a second income and time off from her job does not bode well for her paycheck. “My job allots a certain number of sick days for staff and I’ve used all those days and more. Now my pay is being docked every time I call out because one of my kids is sick. I feel like I have to choose between my kids and my job; of course I’m going to choose my kids.” She still worries about her job security because of her absences from work. Lynn also cites seeing other children come in to daycare despite being sick. “Not all parents call out from work and stay home with their kids like I do.”  This leads to the spread and recurrence of illnesses in young children and staff.

Less Quality Time with Parents- Naturally, if you are working during the day, you are going to miss quality time with your child. All parents know, time away from your children cannot be regained. Danielle of Park Ridge, New Jersey, says “There are days my daughter comes home with beautiful art projects and I wish I had been the one to sit and paint it with her.”

Exposure to Poor Behavior- We cannot shield our children forever, but it is certainly discouraging to see children pick up poor habits from peers at daycare. From as early as 18 months, your child may mimic others’ words and actions. If a child at daycare is not speaking nicely to peers and staff, or worse, exhibiting aggressive behaviors such as biting or hitting, your child may see this as a way to gain staff’s attention. Communicate with the staff immediately if you see behaviors in your child that you did not see before daycare. Remember to approach staff as a concerned parent without accusing other children, families, or staff.

Whether you are comfortable with your decision to utilize daycare services or you are still apprehensive, there are a few ways to ensure you choose the right daycare. The best way to choose a daycare is to ask friends for references. Happy children often equal happy parents. If many parents in your community are sending their children to the same daycare facility, put it at the top of your list. Visit each prospective daycare and ask about safety protocol. Ask if there is a nurse on staff and if staff are CPR-certified. Also, ask how children with behavioral difficulties are handled. Whether your child is having a hard time adjusting to the new routine or is witnessing other challenging behaviors, you want to make sure staff approaches these situations with care and concern.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

I want to know what you think.

Eight states are considering passing legislation that would require random drug testing for people to receive food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare.

Click here to read the article, “States Consider Drug Tests for Welfare Recipients”

Supporters of this legislation feel that it’s necessary in response to an ever-growing population of Americans applying for government-funded aid as a result of the economic downturn. These lawmakers feel it would help to identify the potential health risks and the probability of those receiving aid getting back on their feet when the economy turns around — and that it would also send a clear message: In America, you don’t get something for nothing.

Why not get tested? Millions of Americans are drug tested at random for their jobs every day — the same Americans whose taxes are funding government assistance programs like food stamps, unemployment and welfare. And as American citizens, we need to take responsibility for our own well-being and that of our families.

Now, I’m not getting down on the millions of Americans who may be down on their luck, or for whatever reason, must rely on government aid to help them through tough times while they try their best to get back on their feet. But then if that’s the case, a random drug test should not be a problem, right?

But there are two sides to every argument — and there may be a couple of questions worth asking when considering this proposal …

What about the unintentional effects that limiting aid to a family — especially one with children — may have in failing to provide them with necessities as basic as food on their plates? We don’t want to punish the children for their parents’ actions. But then, in some cases, with severely drug-addicted parents, how can we be sure that the money is going to support the children, rather than to support the habit?

Just last year, a contest in southern California called “There Ought to Be a Law,” yielded a disabled 16-year-old winner whose life challenges inspired his proposal of legislation to mandate random drug testing for all pregnant women on welfare. R.J. Feild was born weighing just 2 pounds, 2 ounces with traces of heroin, marijuana, methamphetamine, alcohol and cocaine in his system due to his mother’s drug use while she was pregnant.  And while the “R.J.’s Law” never made it into legislation, it brought to light an important issue.

But then what happens to people who test positive for drugs while on public assistance? Would the states flat-out refuse help forever, or would they help them get into a rehabilitation center to kick the habit? Right now, most states can’t even meet their Medicaid requirements for people to get routine health care. Perhaps a better plan might be to pump the government aid they would normally receive directly into rehabilitating them.

So I’d like to know what you think, because at the end of the day, we’re the ones funding these programs.

Take his medical license away!

I’m referring to a physician in Florida who has been accused along with clinic staff of botching a late-term abortion and throwing out a living infant. This is one of the most horrendous stories that I have ever read ― regarding again ― a severe lack of proper medical care provided to a young woman and her child.

According to published reports, an 18-year-old girl went to a clinic in Florida for a late-term abortion at 23 weeks. Three days later, after receiving medication, the young woman went into labor and gave birth to a live baby girl. Since the doctor failed to show up in time, one of the clinic’s owners who was not even licensed to practice medicine, cut the umbilical cord, placed the baby in a medical waste bag, and threw it in the trash.

According to the autopsy report, the tiny baby later died of complications related to her severe prematurity. And as I’m sure you can imagine, people in the region are shocked and disgusted by the news.

Now let’s dissect this case a little bit …

Late-term abortions are quite dangerous, and free-standing abortion clinics like this one have become hazardous to women all over the country. As details of this case clearly illustrate, unlicensed personnel, lack of proper sanitary conditions and untrained physicians can all lead to horrific outcomes.

This particular physician already had a restricted license, permitting him only to perform abortions when another physician was present, and his track record of malpractice was quite extensive.

The state board of medicine of Florida is going to look at this case and determine whether or not to strip this physician of his license completely.

Let me make it easy for them: Burn his license and shut down that clinic!

Join the discussion on my Facebook page.

An Indian woman and her newborn baby have died after they were refused medical treatment.  Officials say Maya Devi was concidered an “untouchable” in her country. 

The 28-year-old mother gave birth outside the materity wing at Kanpur Medical College in northern Uttar Pradesh state.  Her baby boy died minutes after his birth. 

Devi was put into the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit after she had a heart attack but she died Thursday morning.

The Press Trust of India reports that several doctors, including the hospital’s chief medical superintendent, refused to touch her or give the baby medical care. 

Devi was a Dalit, or “untouchable,” a group at the bottom of the caste social ladder who have long been ostracized and forced into menial professions despite laws banning discrimination.

Many high-class Hindus fear coming into contact with them.

What do you think of this?  Please share your comments below.