There are key players in your child’s educational experience. The teacher, the principal, and you all have clearly defined roles in your child’s emotional, cognitive, and physical growth. There is, however, an often under-used player in schools across America; someone who is ready and willing to help. Each school has a guidance counselor, an important figure in the school but one that is often overlooked. The guidance counselor has a variety of “hats” to wear and can assist you and your child in many ways.

Scheduling
High school guidance counselors often aid in the creation of class schedules. Your child may want to meet with his guidance counselor to discuss his schedule for next year. Although most core classes are pre-determined based on state graduation requirements, your child may have elective classes to choose from and having the guidance counselor discuss his options helps him choose the right one.

School-wide campaigns
Schools have begun adapting specific curriculum or programs targeting bullying, drug or alcohol use, and healthy lifestyles among children. The guidance counselor is often the point person implementing these programs and training other school personnel to respond to situations regarding these issues. Reach out to the counselor for more information or for pointers on how to discuss these important topics with your children. Should your child be affected by any of these issues, you can use the counselor as a mediator or support for your family.

Individual counseling
Guidance counselors are often wearing their “other hats” so don’t forget their area of expertise. Your child may be having a hard time transitioning to a new school, establishing a positive relationship with a new teacher, or navigating a difficult friendship. Each of these situations may warrant a chat with the school counselor. Introduce yourself and your child to the counselor at the beginning of the school year so you have an established relationship.

References
School guidance counselors often have experience beyond the school and a network of professionals to reach out to. If you feel your child needs help beyond the parameters of school, ask for a reference from the guidance counselor. Your child may need to speak with a professional whose experience is in a specific area, such as childhood depression or eating disorders. You may also feel your child may need more extensive counseling that will require time beyond the school day.

These are just some ways the school guidance counselor can help your child. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the counselor and ask for assistance in other areas or ask her to direct you to the appropriate person. With all their roles in school, counselors are exceptional resources for you and your family.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Teachers, like most people, have a reputation in your community. This teacher is “the nice one” and that teacher is “the structured one.” Depending on your child’s personality, talents and challenges, you decide that your child absolutely must have “this teacher” in order to be successful.  When your child gets assigned to “that teacher’s” class, you fret and worry about how he or she will ever survive the year. Parent-teacher conferences role around at the end of October, and you are now sitting face to face with the person who will lead your child on this leg of her educational marathon. 

The most important thing to remember when going into your child’s conference is to suspend your preconceived notions and go to the meeting with an open mind. You may see a different side to the teacher or find that he or she is not  “the mean one” after all.  Listen to what she has to say and be receptive to her educational opinion on your child’s class work.

In addition to coming into the meeting with an open mind, here are some other tips for having a productive parent teacher conference this fall.

Prepare questions
Come prepared with specific questions. Make a list and leave space to take notes on the teacher’s response.  Keep in mind that most conferences have a time limit- typically about ten minutes- so narrow down your list to the most important three or four questions. It is better to spend time discussing three or four questions in depth than to rush through ten questions.

Stay on topic
The upcoming 3rd grade holiday party may pop into your head while speaking with the teacher but this is not the time to talk about it. Make a column on your notes for “Questions for Tomorrow.” Write a note or an email to the teacher with that list of questions the next day. Start the email thanking her for the conference and let her know you didn’t want to waste valuable conference time on “housekeeping” issues.

Only talk about your child
Now is not the time to clear the air about playground quarrels or disagreements between the class mothers. It is simply inappropriate to discuss your child’s classmates with the teacher.  The teacher does not want to referee or be involved in any way with these types of discussions. Putting her in that position will leave her feeling uncomfortable and the more you bash others when speaking with the teacher, the less she will want to communicate with you.

Ask for homework
Ask the teacher for one or two things that you can spend time working on at home.  Every student has a skill or an area that could use some extra reinforcement.  Teaches know that you don’t have a degree in education so be comfortable asking for specific ways you can support your child at home. Ask for strategies or techniques to use and follow up in a few weeks to let her know how it’s going.

Save your marital problems for a counselor
Do not let your personal relationship issues rear their ugly head during the conference.  It is not uncommon for spouses to disagree on parenting techniques, but now is not the time to discuss your differences. Be careful not to let “I agree with you but he doesn’t think so” slip out either. You must maintain your composure during conferences, even if you and your spouse are in the midst of an argument. Many teachers have been put in the middle of disagreements between spouses and it makes for an awkward situation. Remember, this is your child’s teacher and she has no place mediating for you and your spouse.

Parents are usually eager to have the teacher’s attention during conferences and teachers look forward to the opportunity to keep parents informed about their child’s progress. If you feel your conversation needs to go beyond the brief conference, ask the teacher for a follow up meeting or phone conference later in the week.

Remember to keep an open mind when meeting your child’s teacher. Some of the most amazing educators feel a lot of pressure during conferences and therefore have trouble sharing their knowledge and insight with parents in this format. Do not interrupt the teacher or finish her thoughts. Let her get her point across and then respond.

Always thank the teacher for her time and her work, even if you disagree with her opinions or techniques. “Thank you for your time” shows that you respect her position and are willing to have a positive relationship that will ultimately benefit your child.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Parents second-guess themselves all the time. Should I have let him go to that party? Was I too hard on her? Should I tell him to study more? Parents of children with special needs question themselves about day-to-day parenting decisions and much more. Parents of children with special needs have children with very specific emotional, social, and academic needs and often little or no training or education in these areas. While you don’t need to know every strategy for educating your child, you do need to know how to communicate with your child’s school. Consider this your general “To Do” and “Not-To-Do” list, which supports that communication. Remember- communication with the experts educating your child ultimately results in steps forward for his education.

DO:

Come to meetings with notes
Keep a notebook or binder that comes with you to every meeting. Record the date, location, attendees, and reason for meeting for future reference. You may need to refer back to something a team member said and it’s best to have all the facts. Meetings tend to move quickly and you may forget questions you had or points you wanted to make.

Take your time
Ask as many questions as you need to ask.  Don’t let anyone rush you. If you need a term defined, say “Can you please explain that to me?” Do not sign anything if you don’t know what it is. You may take your notes and reports home and look at them with your spouse before agreeing to any services or strategies. Make sure you understand what your child’s speech, OT, and PT services look like, as well as his core academic curriculum.

Establish a positive relationship with your child’s school
Communicate honestly and respectfully with your child’s teacher. This may seem like an obvious suggestion but stop and think. Do you really feel comfortable speaking with your child’s teacher? Do you feel like she understands what is important to you? There may be times when you disagree but having an established relationship makes those times much easier to navigate. Ask your child’s teacher how best to communicate with her. Does she prefer email or a phone call? Does she prefer you to come in for a meeting or write a note? Also, ask what time of day is best. Some teachers schedule time for communication in the morning or during a period when the class is out at a special activity. Keep in mind, the teacher has many families to attend to and reaching her at her optimal time ensures you have her undivided attention. It also shows that you appreciate her time.

DON’T:

Rely on information from other parents
Even if it’s someone you trust or consider “in the know.” They may have misheard something or interpreted something wrong. Remember the game “Telephone” you played as a kid? The last person to hear something rarely gives an accurate representation of what the first person said. Go directly to the source and ask specific questions. You are likely to get specific answers.

Get down on yourself
As your child grows, you will learn more about her challenges and strengths. Reach out to your child’s teacher and therapists and ask for strategies and tasks you can use at home. Remember that your child will not be “cured” in a day. The teachers and therapists, in conjunction with you, are working towards a common goal and there are bound to be some missteps along the way. Your child’s growth takes time and you will learn together how to steer her in the right direction. Pat yourself on the back for doing a good job!

Only communicate when you have something negative to say
Nothing burns a teacher more than hearing people say “Oh how nice! You get out of work at 3:00 and you have summers off!” This is not why we became teachers and it is not what keeps us motivated. Your child’s success is. (Also, I don’t know many teachers who leave at 3:00 and who aren’t setting up their classrooms most of August!) We love to hear that you see the progress we have so carefully crafted and nurtured. We love to hear that you liked the assignment we spent weeks planning. We love to hear that your child is excited about coming to school. This is what drives us. That and the “A-ha!” moments we get to see your child have when in our care keep us going. A simple “thank you” goes a long way.

Remember that you are your child’s advocate and you must be informed about her education. Ask questions, gather information from reliable sources, and communicate often with the educators working with your children. It seems like an overwhelming list of tasks, but take it one day at a time and remember you too are still learning. You will continue to grow along with your child and meet success together.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

The key to balancing school and social life seems to be the Holy Grail of parenthood. Parents often cite a conflict between each. Put your child in too many activities, and see a decline in academic performance. Focus solely on academics, and you sacrifice a well-rounded child. With colleges looking at factors beyond a solid grade point average, parents have been working to support a child with a strong academic background as well as other skills and talents. Balancing school and a social life is one key to supporting such a child without having to forgo one for the other.

Sleep!
This is easier said than done. Keep in mind that you and your child can only accomplish so much in one day. Be proud of all that you did in a day and get your family to bed at an early time. You know how much sleep your child needs to operate at his best. Also remember that the more tired your child is, the harder it is for him to concentrate. Assignments will take longer to complete the later he stays up. It may be to his benefit to go to bed at his normal time and get up a few minutes early to complete his assignment. A good night’s sleep should never be sacrificed.

Stick to the routine…then change it
Many families establish routines in the beginning of the school year with the good intentions of maintaining them through June. The key to establishing successful routines is to recognize when your families’ needs have changed and when the routine needs to change. Stop banging your head against the wall if the schedule is not working. For example, Dad may have helped with homework but now is going to run the carpool to soccer because he gets home later from work. Changing your routine doesn’t mean you have failed- it means you are in tune with how best to manage your family. Make sure that you have a family meeting to notify everyone of the changes and to troubleshoot any possible conflicts. Also, be sure not to change routines too often. Your children will get confused with frequent changes, which defeats the purpose of having a routine.

First work, then play
Staying on top of long term projects and upcoming tests will help you and your child structure his time. Getting work done early allows free time at the end of the week. Sometimes doing work at the last minute makes us feel busier than we actually are. Working on a long-term assignment for even 10 minutes a day is better than leaving it until Sunday, when you should be spending quality time with your family. Set a goal for your child in regards to homework and studying. Tell him if he finished a certain percentage or piece of his assignment he can have a playdate or sleepover on the weekend. Help him make the correlation between “First work, then play.” This will benefit him now as a student and later as an adult.

Schedule unscheduled time!
Set aside time where you have absolutely nothing scheduled! This doesn’t mean you have to stay home. It could mean that you wake up every Sunday morning and see what your family is in the mood to do that day. Leaving free time is so important for your family- emotionally and physically. Children have lots of energy and you may worry about hearing “I’m bored” but everyone needs some time to just relax. This is very important as your child becomes more involved in extra-curricular activities and sports.

You may set boundaries for your family but other parents can ambush your plans. Most parents have been caught off guard when a child’s friend asks for a sleepover. Your child inevitably begs and pleads and promises to get up on time for softball practice the next day. Sometimes being proactive and setting an example will let people know what you are comfortable with. For example, if your child asks for a friend to come over for a playdate, approach the parent alone. Say “Kate is going to ask Danielle if she wants to come over tomorrow. I wanted to give you a heads up- I know I don’t like surprises!” If you are comfortable speaking directly to the parent, let them know that you would appreciate a call ahead of time so that you can check your schedule and work something out. It is also perfectly acceptable for your child to hear “No” sometimes so if you feel a sleepover will wreak havoc on your weekend plans, be confident in scheduling it for another time. Be prepared for the whining and protesting that may ensue and stick to your decision!

Don’t feel bad about saying “Next time” to friends and family. You know when your family has reached its max and absolutely cannot survive another birthday party, movie night, or barbeque.

Pay attention to your child’s signs of stress. Some children become withdrawn while others become irritable. Make sure you keep an eye for your child’s signs and act accordingly. You may need to cancel an event or just schedule a fun activity to balance out others. The key to balancing school and social life is being flexible and always keeping your child’s physical and emotional health as the top proiority.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

You have signed up your child for extra-curricular activities, stuffed his new backpack with all the school supplies a teacher could ask for, and purchased new shoes and clothes, which, of course, he will outgrow before Thanksgiving. You think you have tackled every item on your back to school list, but there is one thing left to do. Establishing a good work environment at home is an important way to support your child’s education. This means organizing a work space at home as well as establishing a routine for the family to follow during work time. Even the most organized Mom can learn some new tricks to keep her kids on track as the school year gets underway.

Designate a Work Zone
Establishing an area where your child will work each night is the first step to success. We know that routine and structure help children’s growth in a number of areas so naturally having a homework routine will help her academics. It could be the kitchen table so you are available to help while cooking dinner or a desk in her room. Make the area comfortable with lots of room for books and papers and a comfortable seat. The area should be well lit. 

Keep it Clean
Many children do their homework in a common area of the house, which naturally tends to accumulate clutter such as newspapers, school notices, and other personal items. Use baskets or table-top file storage to keep these papers in order. Clear the kitchen table of any centerpieces or decorations. Do not set the table for dinner until homework is done. Keeping the work area clean helps your child keep his thoughts clear.

Caution! Kids at Work!
Establishing rules for behavior during work time can be just as important as defining the work space. If your child is working on homework, the television, computer, iPod, and cell phone should be turned off. If she has a lot of work, you may want to schedule break times. You can set an amount of time or number of homework pages to complete before she can cash in on her break. Make sure she has snack before she begins since we know hungry children have difficulty concentrating. It is also important to establish a routine for siblings who finish homework first or don’t have any homework. Keep a box of puzzles, books, and toys that come out only when you need your child to be occupied for an extended period of time. You can also send siblings to use the computer and reinforce academic skills with online games or educational software. Remember to keep the pets occupied, too. Let the dog out or have an older family member take him for a walk.

Keep Supplies Handy
Utilize a plastic storage unit for commonly used supplies, such as writing utensils, scrap paper, glue, scissors, calculators, a dictionary, a thesaurus, and index cards. A table top organizer with drawers will cost about $15 and a rolling cart is about $30. Having these supplies handy cuts down on the time spent looking for them and in turn, time spent off task. It also creates a sense of independence for your child as he can access the materials without your help.

Time management is an important, and often challenging, skill for children to aquire. Balancing social and academic events can be difficult for your child to do. Another way to support an organized and effective work environment at home is to help your child manage all the events in her life. Keep a calendar in the most commonly used room of the house. Use a different color pencil for each family member and keep track of important events, like sports practices, school concerts, or homework assignments. Encourage your child to check the calendar each day for upcoming events, homework assignment due dates, and tests.

Although families these days are incredibly busy, it is important to avoid using your car as a spot for homework. If you are waiting to pick up a child from practice, find a library close to the field where one child can do homework while the other finishes up his sport. The car is not an optimal location for doing homework and your child will not do his best work here.

Remember to encourage your child while she is working. A pat on the back, a high five, or a simple “Great work!” will boost her morale and motivate her to keep working.

Each year, families say “We can’t believe how fast the summer went!” Before you know it, you will be back in the swing of the academic year, complete with games, concerts, and tests. Like it or not, homework is on its way and you can use these ideas to support a positive work environment in your home.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

No matter how much you and your family wish the days would stop flying by, the time for school bells and backpacks is rapidly approaching.  Hopefully you and your child are well-rested and ready for another great school year. There are many things you need to do to help your child start her year off right. Use these innovative tips to help you complete even the most commonplace tasks more efficiently and thoroughly.

Tackle the Supply List
This seems like an obvious thing to do but, given the number of supplies on each child’s list, it can be an overwhelming task. Most schools send home the supply list weeks before school starts so that your child has everything he needs and hits the ground running when the doors open on the first day of school. One reason lists go home early is that many teachers like to guide their class to set up notebooks, folders, and binders the same way so students can easily organize material during the first few days of school. The best way to tackle your child’s supply list is to do it in two trips. While this may seem like it makes the task more complicated, each trip has a specific goal and will cut down the time spent in the store. For the first trip, have a family member or babysitter stay with your children while you head out alone. This allows you to get the basics, such as pencils, pens, binders, art supplies, and paper without little voices behind you asking numerous times “Can I get this pencil, too?” Although shopping alone will get the task done quickly, children typically get excited about picking out new supplies, which is why you will make a second trip. Encourage your child’s excitement about school by specifying two or three items he will be allowed to choose. These can be more personal items, such as backpacks, pencil cases, or folders. Separating the supply list into two separate trips with clear goals allows you to check items off your list quickly and efficiently while still allowing your child to be part of the process.

Attack the Pile of Paperwork
You likely have a mound of paperwork sitting in your house that needs to be completed by the first day of school. This may include medical forms, parent teacher organization materials, or activity registration forms. Allot a block of undisturbed time, perhaps after your child is asleep, to get through all the paperwork in one sitting. You may need to work on one child’s pile of paperwork each night to keep it organized. Once you have completed the paperwork, put it in the appropriate place, i.e. the mail or your child’s school folder. Completing the whole process of paperwork at one time, including the delivery of items, frees you from having the clutter hanging over your head.

Set Your Alarm
If you and your family have been enjoying the lazy days of summer by sleeping late, it’s time to break out the alarm clock. Morning can be a hectic time and getting sleepy students up and ready for school can be challenging. Start waking your child at the same time you will be waking him for school about a week before the first day. Start the morning schedule of eating breakfast, getting dressed, and brushing teeth, even if you don’t have anywhere to go. Children adapt quickly so they will get back in the swing of the morning routine and be ready to go on the first day of school. Also, remember that bedtime is crucial to the success of the morning schedule. A well-rested child is easier to guide and is much more compliant.

Organize Your Calendar
Organizing your calendar is an inexpensive and extremely effective way to maintain order and structure throughout the activity-packed school year. Have a family calendar on which all events are kept and keep it in a central location, such as the kitchen or family room. Encourage your child to reference the calendar each night to check for upcoming activities. For desk or hanging calendars, use colored pencils or erasable pens and assign one color to each member of your family. For calendars on your computer, cell phone, or PDA, use different color fonts. Assigning different colors keeps everyone’s activities clear and organized. It is also easy to read as you run by it on your way out the door! When you get hard copies of football schedules, karate lessons, or important school work, immediately put it on the calendar. You will spend less time looking for these important details and more time with your family.

Clean up!
Take some time to clean out frequently used spaces in the house, such as the kitchen, bathroom, and family rooms. Discard old or broken toys, cluttered decorative items, or unnecessary papers. If you have time, tackle your children’s closets and re-evaluate what clothing you will need to buy for the upcoming school year. Starting the year with a clean and organized space gives everyone a fresh perspective. It also allows you to take stock of items you already have and could save you money by avoiding buying duplicates.

Though summer is drawing to an end, there is still time for relaxing and regrouping. To celebrate the end of summer, invite some of your child’s friends and their parents over to toast some marshmallows or play a game in the backyard. Starting the year off connected to peers will help your child feel confident as he enters a new classroom. It also helps you stay connected with the parents of the children your son or daughter will be spending time with this school year.

Speak with your child about the upcoming year. Express your expectations and hopes and ask for her thoughts. She may be feeling nervous about entering a new school or new class or she may have questions about what her schedule will look like. As always, open and honest communication makes your child feel safe and confident, both factors that will positively impact her school year.

The important thing to remember is that back to school does not mean back to stress. Schedule down time for you and your children, especially at the beginning of the year, when schedules are likely jam-packed. You may need to be more creative and flexible about your break times but ensuring your family has a break is ensuring they have the energy to succeed throughout the school year.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Parents of every background, religion, and nationality have one common wish for their children: to remain healthy throughout their lives. Unfortunately, many parents are forced to face their worst fears when a child is diagnosed with a medical condition that requires ongoing treatment or specific care. This could include seizure disorders, diabetes, or life-threatening allergies. It could also include a developmental disability such as autism, in which case your child may not be able to communicate his pain or discomfort. Regardless of the condition, there are certain steps parents of children with specific medical needs should take to ensure proper care and immediate action.

Fill out school and activity medical forms in detail.
You may think these forms get stored away, never to be referenced again. School nurses, educators, and instructors will read these forms to make themselves aware of your child’s specific conditions and learn about their responsibilities regarding your child’s care. Ask to sit down with this person so you can go over the form together in case they have any questions beyond what is printed. These forms are also crucial for substitute nurses or teachers, in case your child requires care while under their supervision.

Provide your child with proper identification.
Some conditions could render your child without the ability to communicate to emergency medical responders. Consider various types of identification, such as necklaces, bracelets, or shoe tags that list the condition, doctors’ or parents’ phone numbers, or medication. Consider which one best fits your child’s needs. If your child will be spending a lot of time swimming at camp, the shoe tag may not be best as she won’t have her shoes with her most of the time. Younger children may fare better with a bracelet over a necklace as the necklace may be uncomfortable. Ask your child’s pediatrician about pertinent information to be printed on the identification tag.

Train everyone who works with your child.
This means bus drivers, camp counselors, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters, and religious education teachers. Explain to your child that you are doing this in order to keep her safe, not to parade her special needs. Knowing that everyone is prepared to help her should make her feel safe but keep in mind it could make her feel like she is in an unwanted spotlight. Consider speaking with her close friends about her needs so they can be aware of warning signs she is in danger. Be sensitive to your child’s feelings about her condition but assure her you are acting in her best interest. Have these conversations discreetly and remind caregivers of their commitment to confidentiality. Caregivers will have access to only the information that will keep your child safe.

Have a family emergency plan.
Some children have medical conditions that require a call for emergency medical attention. Create a plan for this occurrence and practice with your family frequently. Make sure everyone has a job in case your child requires immediate medical attention. Jobs could include opening the front door for emergency responders, calling a neighbor or other adult family member, or gathering all the siblings in another room. Seeing a family member in need of emergency care can be frightening but having a plan will reduce everyone’s anxiety.

Ask your child’s pediatrician or specialist for important tips to share with those working with your child. He may have brochures to share or other printed materials to provide your child’s caregivers and educators.

Communicate with your child about his condition but don’t make it the only topic of conversation. It is important for your child to be educated about his needs but it should never define him. The most important thing for you to remember is he is a child first. Never address him as “diabetic” or “autistic.” He is a child with diabetes or a child with autism. Addressing him this way is a sign of respect for him as an individual.

Having a child with ongoing medical needs can be frightening and stressful for a parent. Being prepared and informed will make you empowered and able to care for your child. Educating people who interact with your child will make you secure about her care in your absence and, for any parent, that feeling is priceless.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Your child will likely face many transitions in her life, but entering middle school, high school, and college are undoubtedly three of the biggest. Each brings the possibilities of new friendships and experiences but also more independence and autonomy which, as most parents know, is not always a smooth road for young adults.

The key is to remember that they are just that — young adults — and now is the time to start preparing your child for the challenges and situations she will surely face throughout her life. Balancing a social life and daily responsibilities as well as money management are keys to a successful future and supporting your child as she develops these skills is important. Make sure she knows you are always there to offer guidance and use these tips as your child transitions through three of the most crucial times in her educational and social development.

Middle School:

Assist with summer reading
Your middle school student will likely be tested on his summer reading when he returns to school in September. Help set a weekly goal for summer reading then step back and allow him to follow through. Earning extra allowance or earning an extra half hour on curfew one night may motivate your child to get his work done, but if you have an agreement and he breaks it, it is important that he not get the reward. While this may seem harsh, it is a great lesson in following through for your middle school student. Middle school teachers are looking for your child to complete work independently and there are consequences for not doing so. His grades could be lowered or he could have to stay after school to complete work. Setting up a system where your child is reinforced for completing work without you hounding him will get him ready for more responsibilities come September.

Strengthen the lines of communication
Your middle school student is about to enter a socially-challenging time. Middle school often proves to be students least favorite years in school, as children’s bodies, preferences, and attitudes are changing and peers are quick to judge. While girls tend to use more verbal or non-verbal approaches and boys tend to use more physical means, bullying is common at this age in both genders. Clearly- and often- remind your child that you are there to listen. Knowing that Mom or Dad is a phone call away is very comforting for a child who is entering young adulthood and unsure of her steps. Repeatedly tell your child that you are proud of her, you love her, and that you are always there for her. Although children at this age often don’t seem to be listening, they are. Make sure you let her know she can count on you and she may just call in that favor.

High School:

Set clear expectations for social outings
This is again a time when your child is likely to test his boundaries and break the rules you have set. Be clear on what you expect of him, whether it be a curfew, who he is allowed to be in the car with, or where he is permitted to go. Some parents offer a half hour added to curfew each school year. Whatever your rules are, be clear on them and the consequences of breaking them. If you say he is going to be grounded for a weekend if he breaks curfew, then he needs to be grounded if he comes home late. If your child knows you are serious, he is going to consider his choices with you in mind. If he knows you are going to bend the rules or change them midway through, he is going to see what he can get away with. Be clear, be firm, and be proud when he follows the rules!

Help choose extra-curricular activities
High school is a time when children try different sports, clubs, or activities in an effort to establish their own identity. Make sure your child understands the time commitment involved in each club or sport she is interested in and how this will affect her studies. The workload in high school is often more time consuming than middle school and this may be a difficult adjustment for her. Most coaches or advisors will have meetings in the beginning of the year to give important information out, such as schedules of practices and games, financial commitments, and expectations for the season. Get a copy of any paperwork handed out and review it with your child. Decide on activities that allow study time and some down time, which is often neglected during these years.

College:

Pack Up!
Many home goods stores and department stores now have generic packing lists for incoming college freshman. This is a great starting point so you don’t miss out on important items, like a shower caddy, flip flops, and a bathrobe. (As any college sophomore will tell you, these items are life savers, especially for co-ed dorms!) Also, have your child contact the housing department at his college to see if there are any larger items he will need to bring, such as a microwave or a small refrigerator. Most schools have clear rules on what is allowed in dorm rooms and many offer rentals of such equipment at a reasonable fee. There is much to be said of having the comforts of home while away for the first time!

Encourage your child to be a savvy saver
One of the biggest pitfalls of college students in America today is the credit card. The average student comes out of college carrying between $3,000 and $7,000 worth of credit card debt, in addition to an average $21,000 in student loans. Encouraging your child to have a summer job and save money to use during the semester may help him avoid applying for and overusing a credit card. You may want to consider having one for your child with a low limit for emergencies but speak to him about the dangers a credit card can bring. Using cash is still the best way to go for a young adult away from home for the first time as it lowers the temptation to overspend.

Throughout each of these transitions, remember to praise your child for all the good things he does and all the ways he makes you proud. Surely he won’t get through middle school, high school, or college without a few missteps, but being there to support him will certainly guide him in the right direction.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

For many parents across the country, this fall will be their first time sending a child to school. Early childhood education has evolved, and educators and researchers are looking at this first introduction to formalized education as a crucial time for students.

There is more direct instruction in math, reading and writing, with schools utilizing a detailed curriculum to address skills. Story time now accompanies formal reading instruction. In some schools, play time may now even accompany formal social skills lessons. Although September seems far away, now is the time to start preparing your child for his or her first school experience.

Here are some simple and fun ways to get your child ready for preschool and kindergarten:

Preschool

Reading
Read to your child every day. Exposing your child to a variety of age-appropriate books will foster a natural love of reading and curiosity about words. Don’t worry about teaching phonics or decoding skills — the ABC song will suffice for now. Children will often ask what a word or sentence says. Feel free to tell him, but do not press him to repeat or try to sound out words. Keep in mind that at this age your child should have a natural excitement about words and should not feel he is being “tested’ when enjoying a good book!  

Teach your child to recognize her name. You can make a special sign for her bedroom door or write her name in the cover of her books. Learning names and common words (such as store names) is a first step in recognizing and pronouncing letters and sounds.

Math
Count objects while playing with your child. Use his blocks, books, or other toys and model one-to-one correspondence. Counting “one, two, three blocks!” naturally introduces this important math skill to your child.

Expose your child to basic shapes. When reading or watching a TV show, point out circles, squares, or triangles. Many TV shows targeting the preschool-age child highlight these shapes as well as rectangles, hearts, and diamonds. It is very easy to find these shapes in the environment and you can create a scavenger hunt with your child to locate these common shapes in the environment.

Social Skills
Schedule play dates or spend time playing at the park. Sharing, turn-taking, and waiting are all skills your child will need to enjoy a positive social experience in preschool and may be practiced when engaging with peers.

Develop a daily schedule and stick with it. Keep in mind your soon-to-be preschooler likely needs 10-12 hours of sleep a night, so get him to bed on time at night. Wake him in the morning, have breakfast, and get dressed even if you are not planning to leave the house right away. These morning activities are clear ways to signify the start of the day for your child.

Check with your child’s preschool in regards to its rules on potty training Many schools require children to be potty-trained before starting in September. If your child is not yet fully trained, you have plenty of time this summer to work on it!

Kindergarten

Reading
Help your child practice writing his name, especially if he has shown an interest in it. Have him write the first letter then you can write the other letters. You can also write his name first then have him trace it. Keep in mind constant practice or repetitions may discourage your child and frustrate him, ultimately delaying his acquisition of this skill. Make it fun and only practice if your child shows interest.

Point out words that start with the letter of her first name. Although she may not be aware of it, she knows the sound that letter makes and it will be easier for her to associate items with a sound she already knows. Say “Grace, do you want grapes for snack? Grapes sounds like Grace!” See if your child can think of another word that starts with the same sound. If she has trouble, provide an example so she does not get discouraged and the game continues to be fun!

Math
Ask your child to retrieve various quantities of items for you. Have him help you set the table for dinner and ask “Please get four napkins.” This is a fun and easy way to practice counting, a skill that will be targeted throughout Kindergarten.

Model sorting items for your child then ask her to practice. While playing, say “I’m putting all the cows over here and the pigs over here.” Then ask your child to put all the chickens together, and so on. Grouping or sorting is an important pre-math skill for your child to attain.

Social Skills
Maintain a schedule. If your child just finished preschool, he is likely used to a routine that involves getting up in the morning and getting ready for school. Maintain a similar schedule this summer so back-to-school time doesn’t involve early morning chaos!

Give your child orally-presented directions. For example, tell your child “Get the blue block and give it to Daddy.” Having your child follow one and two step directions prepares her to process language as well as comply with known instructions, skills necessary for kindergarten.

When playing with peers or siblings, ensure your child is taking turns with toys and games. Your child could be in a class of 20 children come September and will have to take turns with materials and toys every day. Preparing him to wait will make it easier for him in his class in the fall.

The most important thing you can do to prepare your child for school is to make learning a fun and natural family activity. Drills and repetitious practice of skills at this age may develop stress and fear of school in your child. Introducing simple math, reading, and social skills to your child will get him started on the path to success!

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

Most adults remember being bullied or witnessing bullying during their school days. Most current students cite the same experience, but how bullying is being handled has changed.

Bullying has become a top priority for schools across the country, and many are working hard to prevent it. Bullying is the repeated imposition of power from one child to another and can include verbal threats or insults, physical threats or abuse, or non-verbal threats or abuse, such as spreading rumors about another child. It’s important to know that this can take place in person or via the internet, such as through social networking sites. 

Boys and girls typically bully differently. Boys typically resort to more physical methods, while girls typically utilize verbal strategies, although it is not uncommon for each group to use other approaches. Signs your child is being bullied include becoming quiet or withdrawn, frequent trips to the nurse’s office, refusal to go to school, and withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities, such as teams or social groups. Acting out is not typically associated with children who are being bullied. As a parent, knowing your child is being targeted is one of the most painful and difficult things you can encounter.

Here are some tips to help guide your child through this complicated time:

Be supportive.
Listen to your child as he shares his experience and feelings about being bullied. Praise him for speaking about the situation, especially if he was brave enough to approach you without prompting. Children who are bullied are often afraid to report their situations for fear of retribution for “tattling.” By opening up, he has begun the process of ending the bullying and should be reinforced for doing so.

Build confidence.
Find activities that build your child’s confidence and occupy her time. Individual sports, such as karate or swimming, may be best to start with as your child may worry about becoming a part of a team and opening herself to more uncomfortable social situations.

Contact your child’s school.
Even if the bullying has not taken place on school grounds, it is important that staff is aware of the relationship between your child and the person or people who are intimidating him. Many schools have videos or books on bullying that they can share with you and your child. You can also establish a safe place for your child to go if he feels he is being threatened, such as the principal’s office or the guidance counselor’s office.

Use the buddy system.
Encourage your child to seek one or two safe friends at school and stick with them, especially during times bullying is most likely to occur, such as recess and traveling to and from school. Establish relationships with the parents of your child’s friends and make them aware of the situation.  If bullying typically occurs during the trips to and from school, drive your child or ask a neighbor or friend to do so. Although this step alone may not end the bullying, it provides your child with a bit more security and safety.

Stay involved.
Have access to your children’s email and social networking accounts so you can monitor their activity. Your child could be bullied while sitting right in your living room. Knowing your child’s circle of friends will also help you monitor appropriate or inappropriate relationships, and will help you keep track of friendships that are deteriorating. You can broach the subject by saying “I notice you are not hanging out with (name) much anymore. Why is that?”  If your child does not give you a direct reason, there may be more to the story.

Many professionals frown upon advising children to ignore the bullying, as it sends the message that adults will ignore it too. If you are still unsure of what to say to your child and feel you need more extensive support, seek the help of a health care professional, such as a psychologist or social worker.

Bullying is not just “kids being kids.” It is hurtful, unhealthy, and has the potential to cause long-term emotional and physical damage. Being informed and involved may save your child from this painful situation.

Jennifer Cerbasi teaches at a public school for children on the autism spectrum in New Jersey. As a coordinator of Applied Behavioral Analysis programs in the home, she works with parents to create and implement behavioral plans for their children in an environment that fosters both academic and social growth. In addition to her work both in the classroom and at home, she is also a member of the National Association of Special Education Teachers and the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.