Hi Yvonne,
Have you ever covered the subject of foot fetishes? I would like to hear your take on the subject.
                   —Tim

Dear Tim,
A fetish of any sort is when a person has learned to attach erotic significance to an object that is typically regarded as not sexual in nature. The person becomes aroused by the object, often dependent upon it for sexual excitement. Nobody is certain why or how fetishes develop. Proposed ideas include early childhood events, including those involving sexual shaming, and simply human nature. Most fetishes are harmless, and concerning only when they become an obsession, impacting one’s ability to be intimate in a healthy relationship. A concern with fetishes is that such may be a symptom that the person cannot cope with a sexual relationship, perhaps for fear of rejection. The fetish, for the individual, is safe and non-threatening.

Many people with fetishes are able to have satisfying sex without the fetish object. Those who actively incorporate their fetish into partnered sex can enjoy the fact that easy arousal is practically guaranteed. In providing adventure and entertainment, the object can act as a means to greater bonding for some lovers as well.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
My partner wants to keep the bathroom door open when the other is in there and doesn’t understand why it’s a problem for me. He says it’s a statement of our level of intimacy. Is keeping the door open or closed really a commentary on the intimacy of the relationship? Do you have any advice?
—Shawn

Dear Shawn,
Keeping the bathroom door closed versus open in coupledom is more of an indicator of people’s privacy norms and issues around bathroom habits, for example, taking care of bodily functions. Both are rooted in how they were raised — how their families handled bathroom privacy and self-care in that space.

While some people read the “door open” policy as more intimate, others would say it’s an intimacy killer. Every couple needs to negotiate what’s right for them and provide rationale for where they stand. I’ve found, for example, that people from large families who had to share one bathroom do not find it as big a deal to see others doing their thing as those who are not used to such circumstances. (This is not to generalize members of big families, however.)

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Dear Yvonne,
Sometimes my girlfriend will laugh during sex, which weirds me out. Is it because I’m doing something wrong?
— Tad

Dear Tad,
Sex is a fun activity (and if it isn’t a good time, at least most of the time, you seriously need to question the relationship and what you’re doing). Inuit Eskimos refer to sex as “laughing time.” So is it any wonder that lovers aren’t always serious in the sack?

Sex involves feeling good, expressing yourself, and sharing amazing, positive moments with somebody you care about. Laughing can be a great compliment because it indicates your lover is letting go of stress and getting into the moment. While many people worry that their lover is laughing at them, it is more likely that such an expression is due to tickle sensations, disbelief at what is being experienced or simply joy.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

I have always had a healthy sex drive, but at least a couple of my lovers over the years, including my current one, have made the comment that I’m a nympho because I want sex more than they do. I would take it as a compliment if these guys weren’t so negative about it. How do I respond to these comments?
- Acacia
 
In the future, begin by asking your partner to define the term “nympho,” and what it means to have “too much sex.” Then explain that we are all different in our level of desire – and that there are times when one sexual partner is in the mood more often than the other. Highlight the fact that these sexual desire discrepancies are quite common, and should not be used to put down an individual. Let him know that you’re offended, if that’s the case.

Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how this makes you feel, particularly when it comes to the judgment that’s involved. Stress that you see nothing wrong with your sex drive, and that it’s quite healthy. Unless one’s sex drive is interfering with their daily routine, there is no problem with it. In fact, the issue seems to be your partner’s discomfort in not being able to keep up with you – desire or otherwise.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”