The murders of Arturo Gatti, possibly by his 23-year-old ex-stripper wife, and of Steve McNair by his 20-year-old lover, may reflect yet another sign that more Americans than we know —especially younger Americans — are losing their sense of self and, with it, their psychological and moral bearings.  

Certainly, crimes of passion are nothing new.  As has always been true, the killers of Gatti and McNair had to have had extreme life stories with major psychological fault lines reaching back, quite possibly, to childhood.  But in both cases, the victims were famous men who may well have offered the women in their lives temporary and fragile shelter from deep, unresolved questions about whether they could exist independently or would crumble into nothingness without their connections to fame and fortune. It is often those who feel dead themselves who take the lives of others.

Some may think it’s too big a leap to draw any connection between a lack of respect for life and the artificial, Internet-based, technology-fueled existences that too many of today’s teens and twenty-somethings have lived, but I’m not so sure.  I think that the kind of existential panic — the panic of having nothing real at one’s core — that can lead a young woman to murder her famous lover, rather than lose him, is a distant cousin of posting videos on YouTube of staged beatings and the deconstruction of real lives and relationships into profiles, IMs and tweets.

In a world that worships reality TV parents who turn their children into entertainment automatons and a psychologically disturbed pop star whose celebrity was initially forged through enslavement to his sadistic father, respect for one’s own life and that of others can start to erode.  Gaining fame and saving face on Facebook is what matters, and the loss of image can feel like the loss of everything.  I hope I’m wrong.  I hope that cases of extreme violence are now just the same as they always were — outlying cases that are no predictor of anything about the rest of us.  

But as a psychiatrist who has made it part of my life’s work to resist dismissing my instincts, I now sense something ominous about our culture reflected in the worst deeds of the most violent among us.  I fear we are at risk for losing respect for one another and for human life.  I fear our fragile God-given capacity for empathy is under siege. I fear that in obsessing over “Blanket” Jackson (and I feel a little disturbed by even writing his preposterous name), who was dangled over a railing by a father who may not have fathered him at all, we open the door to outlandish acts of dramatic violence that would make for decent psychological thrillers, but are now the stuff of what we call “real” life.

Today we heard of a shooting at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. that appears to be the work of a single gunman, whom authorities believe to be a man in his late 80s by the name of James Von Brunn. If this is the suspect in custody, he is actually a World War II veteran and vocal member of the Holy Western Empire, which at this point, seems to be a white supremacy group.

It is sad to see people resorting to violence to settle their differences. And we have to be aware that we still need to be vigilant in our efforts to protect ourselves — despite the feeling of some Americans that security measures in this country have become too intrusive. It’s important to support our men and women in uniform, who at both the local and national levels, do a terrific job of keeping our country safe.

What this man did was an act of terrorism — domestic terrorism.

But the big question is: What’s the psychological profile of this shooter? If you look at some of the psychological profiles of past shooters, they are all different in their own way. However, there always seem to be some common themes.

Most of these people are angry at someone or a group of people, and share a psychotic belief that their misfortunes are predicated on the actions of those they hate.

Usually they are loners — they feel rejected by others or by society as a whole.

For some, substance abuse and depression are common themes, but even knowing these common themes, it is almost impossible to differentiate between who will just withdraw from society and who has the potential to snap and hurt innocent people.

I pray for those hurt in this tragedy and hope that we are able to create systems that could perhaps better identify high-risk people and prevent future tragedies from occurring.

Twitter, for anyone left on the planet who doesn’t know, is a free social network on which users update their “followers” about where they are, what they’re doing or what they think — up to the minute.  Essentially, it is a way to shotgun micro-blogs about your life (called tweets) to an audience of email pals you gather.  Ashton Kutcher has over 1,000,000 people following his posts.  I think my babysitter has about 100.

Twitter sounds like fun.  It seems pretty harmless.  And it’s really catching on, with over 50 million monthly visitors and a growth rate far surpassing 1000 percent per year.

There’s something troubling about Twitter psychologically, though.  You could say the same for Facebook or MySpace and YouTube, but Twitter is potentially bigger trouble than any of the others.  That’s because it can turn people into instant, mini-reality show versions of themselves — into entertainers, removed a little bit or a whole lot from their real feelings, genuine thoughts and true connections to others.

See, sending out tweets to “followers” isn’t a lot different than reporting your life as though you’re your own member of the paparazzi.  It presumes that people care what you’re up to, which may not be entirely true and can be the growing place for narcissism.  Narcissism, by the way, is unreasonable self-love, and it’s reaching epidemic proportions in this country.  Young people think the world of themselves, even as their performance academically and in many other arenas declines.

Reporting on your own life story can also make you tend toward the dramatic in your daily existence.  After all, who wants to send out boring tweets?  You need to be reporting on adventure, romance, and, above all, conflict.  As any decent screenwriter will tell you, people tune out if there’s no conflict.  But when did we decide that being a human being, even an interesting human being, meant being “watchable” enough for people to “tune into” your broadcasts? 

We didn’t decide any such thing.  The yielding of humanity to technology, the bleeding of our true selves into fake profiles we manufacture for semi-public digestion has been a largely unconscious slippery slope.  Technology has pushed us there.  Media has pushed us there.  Celebrities hell-bent on making us worship them have pushed us there.  But more than anything, our own discomfort with being real people, our own anxieties about whether we really matter, doubts about whether we are lovable and fear of our own mortality has pushed us there.

Recently, surgeons have gotten into the Twitter game.  They are broadcasting complex surgeries with constant tweets written up by OR staff so families or the general public can get up-to-the-minute reports about kidney transplants and the like.  Doctors even do little PR tours about breaking new ground with their twittering.  Well, guess what?  I don’t want my doctor playing media darling while he or she is working inside my body.  And I don’t need nurses hoping to be mentioned on a tweet.  I want them focused on reality, on life and death, on me.

Here’s the really scary part.  Twitter isn’t the end of the self-broadcasting phenomenon.  There will be son of Twitter.  And we will be that much further along the slippery slope to being actors in our own life stories, devoid of anything real, looking only for drama.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s Web site at livingthetruth.com.

Resist the behaviors that keep the pain buried

None of us want to feel pain.

 That’s why we are all very adept at finding habits and behaviors that keep our minds from focusing on it. These habits and behaviors are called because we hide behind them, and use them as barriers against sadness, anger, disappointment or painful memories.

Some shield strategies are very obvious. Some are much more subtle. Some of the most common shield strategies include:

– Overspending
– Constantly arguing with your husband, wife, or partner
– Obsessive dieting or exercise
– Sexual indiscretions or sexual addiction
– Pornography addiction
– Gambling
– Overeating
– Obsessing over romantic relationships
– Alcohol, drugs and/or cigarettes

     The common denominator of all these shield strategies is that they cover up the truth. They soothe us, and let us feel that for now, everything is OK. But once their intoxicating or anesthetizing effects have worn off, we are left with the same pain we sought to mask.

Step Three is about finally breaking that cycle. It is about telling yourself that the temporary pleasure, thrills, and boosts in self-esteem that you get from shield strategies are no longer enough for you. It is about clearing away temporary balms and short-sighted feel-good strategies so you can prepare for real growth. It is about recognizing that you are stronger than you believed, and knowing you don’t need to hide from your truths.

It might help to imagine that beyond the shield you’re holding up is a mirror. You can’t see the mirror because the shield is in the way. But the mirror is capable of reflecting who you are and where you’ve been, going all the way back to your earliest years.

Now envision that in order to start seeing in the mirror, you have to start putting down the shield. You don’t have to drop it all at once, but you have to begin to lower it, slowly.
As long as you’re holding a shield, you are living in fear. When you put the shield down, you’re starting to live the truth.

The first thing you want to do is to identify your shield. It might be very obvious, perhaps something from the list above, and it may be the reason you were motivated to visit LivingtheTruth.com in the first place.

Having trouble identifying your shield strategies? Think about anything you do repeatedly that tends to powerfully shift your focus away from yourself and what you truly value and care about. Maybe office or family gossip has you on the phone late into the night or interferes with your daily activities. Perhaps you’ve taken to obsessing about the clutter in your house as a way of forgetting about the clutter in your head. Perhaps it is yo-yo dieting or a tumultuous relationship or the cigarette in your hand (all shield strategies) that distracts you from the underlying, emotional questions you could be answering right now. And answering them would free you to live a much more powerful future.

You may want to write down a few ideas about what your shield is, and come back to the question a few times over the course of a day. Whenever you find yourself thinking about something you don’t want to do, or a challenge that you don’t want to face, make a note of what you reach for. It may be a drink or a cigarette or the controls to a video game. It might even be a behavior that seems “healthy” – like a vow to climb every peak on the eastern seaboard before age

Be sure to record your shield strategies on your MyTruth page size: Once you identify a shield strategy, it’s time to oppose it. It would be wonderful if a two-pack-a-day smoker or an alcoholic were to quit right now. But that isn’t realistic for most people. Living the truth starts with simply paying attention to your shield strategies more than before, noticing how often you use them, and beginning to resist them. If you’re too hard on yourself – I’m so heavy that I just can’t even begin to diet; I’m so heartbroken that I will never stop thinking about him; I’m so far behind in my career that I have to work day and night or I’ll never catch up – you run the risk of giving yourself reasons to stop before you begin.

Make your changes small and manageable. Even simple changes, like throwing out one type of food you tend to binge on, taking a walk instead of reading an old lover’s email again, or changing one section of your resume instead of playing another computer game, are steps in the right direction of self-discipline, self-esteem and genuine self-improvement.

Remember that it isn’t supposed to feel good when you start using anti-shield strategies. The fact that you feel anxious or depressed or irritable when you leave an obsessive relationship, or stop binging on sweets is a sign that you’re detoxing. You’re discovering the art of spending time with yourself. The more you can put down your shield, the harder it gets for your mind’s defense mechanisms to muster forces against the truth.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, “Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty” has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow’s website at livingthetruth.com.